Cartoon shorts, a frequent site in the theaters of the 2020s
Or 1991, when this was written
Signore Bastardo
"Mr. President, people can no longer see the sun thanks to pollution."
"VERY UNFAIR CARTOON"
I can't believe the freaking Sedition Act is still relevant history but here we are.
FancyShark
You know it's the future because The Man can dial using the newfangled rotary dial instead of telling an operator where to call
Signore Bastardo
In Psi-Man's America
gellaho
The president has to personally screen all media
Signore Bastardo
The only possible explanation is AI automate 90% of modern society
There's nothing left to decide except which cartoons are mean.
FancyShark
Man. If only there weren't those pesky laws keeping them from acting against Wonder
gellaho
What a savage burn
FancyShark
I feel like the subliminal message had nothing to do with that
Signore Bastardo
So the First Amendment is gone and the President himself calls you to tell you that you suck. But you're allowed to keep making cartoons if you say he sucks back.
gellaho
Is this book going to be about the assassination of a cartoonist?
Signore Bastardo
This world plays by Coyote/Road Runner rules.
Arnie Terwilliger is gonna meddlesome priest Wyatt Wonder.
gellaho
Welcome to your book, Chuck
Signore Bastardo
Psimple Psi-Man
FancyShark
Ah, the modern man's dilemma: admit the machine is complicated or stare at it until it works
gellaho
I feel like Peter didn't do the math on this
FancyShark
I get ~140 F degrees
So, Chuck's dead
gellaho
How dare this cover rob me of a mustachioed Psi-Man
Signore Bastardo
What's the extent of his pstrength?
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
Fu man chu psi man
FancyShark
How the hell did Fu Manchu stay relevant as a beard style?
Signore Bastardo
I hate the accuracy of this deliberately bonkers world.
"They'll be looking for me in my disguise. My best bet? Look exactly like myself."
"Wait, that's stupid. I'll grow an extremely memorable beard.'
gellaho
Bye, Chuck
FancyShark
Wyatt played a Koopa in the Super Mario Bros movie
gellaho
Weird dude
FancyShark
He's Frankenstein Moe Howard
Signore Bastardo
Are the eyes small because the head is small, or are they small FOR his small head? I bet he looks like the glowy end of an angler fish.
gellaho
Part 1
gellaho
Part 2
FancyShark
"For example, the poors, the coloreds, and the foreign types"
gellaho
Peter is getting excited
FancyShark
Her face has a tattoo that says "Mexican"
Signore Bastardo
"Her tanned legs were splayed haphazardly, like a hastily discarded ragdoll in a wacky invitation to play charades."
gellaho
The president is well-known for his garbage truck assassinations
Signore Bastardo
@Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G come back, I was showing off for the chicks, I didn't mean it.
FancyShark
Hopefully he's just getting dinner
gellaho
Chuck thought it was weird that the cane was half a foot thick and rocket launcher shaped
FancyShark
"Gee whiz," said Chuck. Then he calmly got back in his car and drove away.
Signore Bastardo
This is more coordination than all of the CIA attempts on Fidel's life put together.
To kill Walt Disney.
FancyShark
Next comes the airstrike
gellaho
Oopsie, Chuck missed Connie
Apparently his mind powers require visual contact
FancyShark
At least he can take comfort in the murderous hellbeast he named after a nazi
Signore Bastardo
You know, Chuck, all you have to do is lock the triggers on their guns and nobody will know you were there.
FancyShark
"You're right. I should grow an even larger mustache."
Signore Bastardo
The guy with psychic powers hides behind a dog.
MAKE A BRAINSHIELD
gellaho
Oh wait, that was a different limo full of dead meats
FancyShark
Hi, Jackson!
oh
"Dammit, a not-man"
gellaho
Chuck's powers work only in comical ways
FancyShark
Now it's Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd rules
gellaho
God, he's such a wimp
Signore Bastardo
I don't think you get to say "chivalry is not dead" if you're the one doing it.
FancyShark
There is admittedly something funny about so much horror and the hero is a complete doofus
Signore Bastardo
Mr. Magoo in: The Mallard Protocol
gellaho
Lip time
FancyShark
Wyatt is pretty chill about this. He must have drawn doodles of Mohammed as a kid
Signore Bastardo
The mayor sent the limo to carry Walt Wondy?
FancyShark
Sending a car to drive someone to/through LA has to be a punishment
gellaho
The truck stalling really adds to the tension
FancyShark
"Felt like he was driving into hell". Not like that poor bastard you let get gunned down like a dog as he begged for mercy, Chuck
Signore Bastardo
it's 2021 and everyone drives stick.
FancyShark
Hybrid cars in this world just have additional gas tanks ala Road Warrior
gellaho
Third limo
All limos are automatically safe
FancyShark
I'm sure you can protect me, man who is targeted by rocket-launching assassins
gellaho
Wyatt sees nothing wrong with that name
FancyShark
Wyatt, like everyone else, assumes and hopes Chuck said "Ronald"
gellaho
Meet Stanalt Dislee
FancyShark
Pete was gasping for air, pleading for Duck to let him go for the sake of his kids, for the love of God
gellaho
Oh, he's senile. Isn't that cute?
FancyShark
That old man? Orson Welles
Signore Bastardo
His last words?
"Rosebud...
...Wine."
gellaho
Hey, Peter David? Gross
gellaho
FancyShark
ew
gellaho
"Aw, jeez. I'm just on the run from a secret agency that president probably doesn't know about."
FancyShark
Chuck then murdered him so he'd win instead
gellaho
So, does Disney also exist?
FancyShark
You know, it sure would be great if, in the year 2021, people had a means to record things happening around them they could then share those recordings all over the world. It'd make highly public figures hesitate to try flashy stuff like rocket-launcher garbage truck murders
Radio Smasher GDC
I like how he has to randomly stop and explain the concept of Siri in November 2021
gellaho
It was still 150 degrees, but sure
FancyShark
Entrance C, for Connie and Chuck. Wyatt has to go all the way around to entrance W. It's a bad system
Signore Bastardo
I feel like there's way more Wyatt/The Man history than we're hearing about.
Maybe they had a fling in college.
gellaho
The Safest Place in the World isn't exactly the best slogan
FancyShark
If they're not brothers, that's the next logical step
Peter David must have read Starship Titanic
"The Ship Where Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong"
Signore Bastardo
He probably wrote it under his pen name, Dirk Bafflebutterly
gellaho
I think my favorite part of the cover is the people calmly riding the roller-coaster like it's a bus
FancyShark
Tempting Fate Land never got off the ground
FancyShark
"Hey, check it out. Dude's totally murdering that guy."
gellaho
I forgot he was a gym teacher
Signore Bastardo
I would pay so much money to escape the president and live in the safest place in the world.
FancyShark
Jesus, he's a psychic former gym teacher?
How is this not every origin story?
gellaho
and a circus performer
and a Quaker who hates violence
and an aikido master
Signore Bastardo
Quaker gym teacher sounds like the most intriguing logline on this bingo card
Everybody's an aikido master.
Radio Smasher GDC
That's a Cocktails origin.
Signore Bastardo
Look: ARM BAR THROW there I aikidoed you
FancyShark
Chuck's player rerolled his backstory several times and kept all the results
Signore Bastardo
@Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G come back my sweet internet son
gellaho
This is like if the original plan for Epcot happened
FancyShark
We love you, Tommy!
Ah, that tracks. Walt Disney created his parks to function as mass-human shields too
gellaho
This does not need to be a thing, Peter
gellaho
Ah, another woman for Chuck Simon to ditch
FancyShark
I'll feel a lot better if she turns out to be a scorpion-centaur creature
gellaho
Also, his fake name is Chuck Jones. Thanks for that
Signore Bastardo
Would YOU pretend to be Hanna Barbera?
FancyShark
I think I'd sooner pretend to be Fritz the Cat
gellaho
Welcome to the Meat Room
FancyShark
Then he saw the ape with the cleaver
gellaho
Peter David spends multiple paragraphs explaining "the silence was deafening"
They put Simon is in a separate, very dark room for some reason now
FancyShark
Sorry, Peter, I didn't catch that. Please explain for another chapter
gellaho
This next part hurts my head. This is like the cosmic part of Photon
gellaho
FancyShark
"AND THEN--THERE WAS MOM"
gellaho
Just baffling
FancyShark
Classic Reagan
gellaho
READ THE WORD OF PETER DAVID
FancyShark
"Damn shift key's stuck..."
"HE STOPPED THE LAUGHTER WITH ENTERTAINMENT!"
gellaho
Jesus H Christ
gellaho
FancyShark
AND WYATT WONDER CAN REMOVE YOUR HEARTS WHENEVER HE CHOOSES!
I hope this is just the employee orientation video for the concession stand
gellaho
Peter David working through stuff as always
Signore Bastardo
I know I'm getting old because caps lock is the funniest thing in the world to me now.
So the people who owned these businesses will now get government checks compensating them, which NO OTHER victim of the rampant street violence has.
gellaho
I was truly robbed of this mustache
Signore Bastardo
Remember, all of this is pre-Jemas.
FancyShark
That's right. Comic books are the way to rebel against The Man
oh, I just got that
Signore Bastardo
"Any sign of Psi-Man?"
"Nah, just some guy with a moustache. You know, forgettable type of guy. Hair? I dunno, black but the blonde roots are showing. Really, all I saw was that fu manchu moustache. Like every man has these days?"
FancyShark
Photoshop their sin clean
"He had a dog with him with a matching mustache. Perfectly normal."
Signore Bastardo
Sir, there are reports of men being hurled by an invisible force.
"Dear God...you mean there are now TWO men with TK powers? Chuck Simon and this...this MOUSTACHIOED fellow?"
gellaho
They think it's a bear
FancyShark
The Nebbish Straightman/Belligerent Idiot routine will never not make me smile
Even if their jokes suck
gellaho
Now Simon encounters the senile old man as he wakes
FancyShark
Then the old man shat himself and fell asleep
Signore Bastardo
Wyatt Wonder walked so that Walt could run so that Wacky could FLY!
gellaho
Wheel chairs are far too practical
FancyShark
He's got a Professor X hoverchair
Radio Smasher GDC
That was a very specific train reference.
FancyShark
Peter David looked up "trains" in the encyclopedia and dammit, you're going to read what he found!
gellaho
Unlike Walt Disney, who died from cigarettes, Wes just destroyed his brain with copious amounts of acid and shrooms
It probably says something when I hear someone discusssing magnetism on bullet trains and my first thought is the Street Fighter movie
FancyShark
Default man is impressed they have default sizes
FancyShark
It says "Raul Julia is perfect"
gellaho
Robin Hood famously wore black
Signore Bastardo
Psi-Man's 2021 cannot co-exist with Steele's world. But then again, our theory is it's the antebellum version.
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
Does he think Errol Flynn was zorro?
FancyShark
Princess Bride was out before this book. He could have made an even easier reference
gellaho
Why is this happening
Signore Bastardo
Rewrite this page as if you were Simon Hawke.
FancyShark
"Chuck walked into the room, nysteel boots scraping on the polished floor.
Rommel walked up to him and ripped his lips off before calling him a coward.
Chuck knew he was right."
gellaho
"Oh, right, that chemical waste I swam through for several hours"
gellaho
FancyShark
Also, the fall from the waterfall he in no way cushioned
gellaho
Computers sure are magical
FancyShark
Screwing up and getting innocents killed? Yeah, that is routine for him
gellaho
Yeah, you did great Pete
FancyShark
I like how Pete's wrong both by his own use of that term and the actual meaning of it
gellaho
After forgetting about the plot for an entire book, Peter David decides to return to it
FancyShark
Was Quint in the first book?
More importantly, did he talk about shark eyes?
gellaho
No, but he got a eye patch during the book
FancyShark
Sweet
gellaho
He was in charge of The Complex, aka the secret psychic agency
Signore Bastardo
Your life is what we in the industry refer to as 'Grindhouse bullshit'
gellaho
The Complex, The Council, The Man
Signore Bastardo
Quint appears to remind The Man and Arnie that there are vamps on vamps.
gellaho
Really working hard
FancyShark
You should cover that up, Quint. It could get infected.
gellaho
Seems unnecessary, but sure
FancyShark
Government work goes smoothest when one agency handles everyone's responsibilities
That's why the DMV processes taxes and checks drugs for safety
gellaho
Wyatt better have psychic powers or this bullshit won't make any sense
FancyShark
"We just gouged out their eyes first."
gellaho
"Or most powerful psychics couldn't defeat their retinal scanners...for some reason"
FancyShark
No Bill of Rights, but everyone's on the honor system
gellaho
The technology level is so out of whack
FancyShark
As soon as your skin flakes fall off, they are vaporized
gellaho
If only there had been a woman willing to travel with him! Maybe in the last book. Who could say?
FancyShark
There's that Mormonism
Followed immediately by Creep
Radio Smasher GDC
"Nicely turned" makes it sound like he's describing a horse.
FancyShark
A well-seasoned leg
Radio Smasher GDC
a well-marbled calf
gellaho
Peter David doesn't seem to have a handle on theme parks
FancyShark
That's not a very imaginative name
gellaho
Welcome to Pornland
FancyShark
You could name it something a little less likely to bring in children, like Fuckland
gellaho
Wait in lines, erotically
FancyShark
Sensuously buy funnel cakes at 300% markup
gellaho
RIP birds
FancyShark
"They're actually giant wasps with speakers strapped to them."
gellaho
Editor working hard
FancyShark
Firmware Update Day is like the Battle of Helm's Deep
gellaho
I think Peter David thinks cartoons are real
FancyShark
Androids are cheaper than a sweaty 20-something that can't press charges, sure
gellaho
Please stop
FancyShark
Wholesome, wholesome, SEX
gellaho
Why is this the throughline
Time for Pornland!
FancyShark
Iiiiiit's not for people with a relationship, Chuck
gellaho
FancyShark
The whiplash on this is getting violent
Signore Bastardo
Welcome to Joyland! Do you have proof of relationship?
"Yeah. My wife won't stop criticizing me."
Go on in, sir!
tim allen grunts thank you
FancyShark
"I don't need to show proof!"
"Have it your way. Guards, get the swab"
gellaho
Oops, looks like Peter's erotic fantasy will have to wait
Signore Bastardo
"The charming Mexican woman" feels way more loaded than "The affable Italian plumber."
Signore Bastardo
It's an Eminem partyyyyyyyy!
FancyShark
Everyone loves the Moby Murder Show that happens every day at noon
Signore Bastardo
Two trailer park girls, take up your outside positions!
gellaho
I feel like there are other drugs to try
Signore Bastardo
Obi! DJ Green Lantern! Bust it for the busters!
FancyShark
Snapple is much more hardcore in this world
Signore Bastardo
Snap, do we have that on the Psyber Blacke Monday list?
Nitro, Cheatcode, Overclock, Red Zip, Zonk, Rumor, nope, we're good.
gellaho
How are all these the same drug
Signore Bastardo
Our drugs are the best part of our worldbuilding.
FancyShark
Time Bomb is concerta
Signore Bastardo
Kryptonite rules in effect.
gellaho
If only this mascot had some kind of massive, cushioned head
FancyShark
Moby hasn't had a boner this hard in years
Signore Bastardo
The government is the terrorists.
How did they brief Seal Team Sixteen here?
FancyShark
"Kill the duck. That is all."
Signore Bastardo
"Men, you are going into the safest mission of your lives. Indeed, you have been dropped into the most dangerous places on earth. But you've never been anywhere like this."
"Who's the target, sir?"
:screen unfurls, revealing a hulked-out duck.
gellaho
If there was only some short name for this kind of weapon
Signore Bastardo
The body is immune to physics if the brain doesn't tell it to obey them.
Wile E. Coyote rules are back in play.
FancyShark
The safest place on earth, plus taser charges
gellaho
The man's arm was a balloon
Signore Bastardo
For PEOPLE
Not for ducks
gellaho
AIKIDO
FancyShark
If he bleeds out another 30 gallons, this is officially an anime
Signore Bastardo
I don't know why we're even plodding ahead without @Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G.This is a facade. A duck dies, and I feel nothing. Not even an aikido throw could move me.
FancyShark
"Hi, I'm Peter David. Thanks for buying the latest book in my series. I'm going to explain aikido to you the same way as the previous books. You're welcome."
gellaho
Chuck trying to reason with the drug-addled berserker who just killed a cartoon duck
Signore Bastardo
He enhances his aikido with TK.
Tae...Kwan...do?
Telekinetics DOES, baby.
Chuck, just pinch off his aorta.
Stop overexerting yourself.
FancyShark
Chuck, negotiating with meth addicts
gellaho
"Do you still want to go to Pornland?"
Signore Bastardo
...how hard does this lady throw?
FancyShark
But they had their retinas scanned! How could this happen?!
Signore Bastardo
and how did she knock his frontal lobe to the back?
FancyShark
MEXICAN aikido
gellaho
STOP
FancyShark
She better be emitting some sort of I'm-Not-A-Psychic pheromone and that's what they smell or this can't possibly have a worthwhile payoff
gellaho
Sad sack Chuck is back
Signore Bastardo
Charming Mexican aikido?
gellaho
Chuck says no weird
Signore Bastardo
I had a work crush who was charming, long-legged, and had an oval face framed in long brown hair, but she was not psychic. I would absolutely put a fiver on her being the clutch cobblestone hero to end a spree killing though.
"Nooooo."
gellaho
Oh, yes, the worst named character in history is back
Signore Bastardo
Reuel Beutel.
The rural juror.
FancyShark
That's a name that ends Scrabble night with bloodshed
gellaho
... Hello?
Signore Bastardo
That junta leader is already dead.
Twist: Connie is actually from Guatemala and she wants revenge on Reuel for killing el presidente before she could.
gellaho
Why has another book been inserted into this book
FancyShark
Might as well get the right lung while I'm in here
gellaho
Beutel has arrived
I hate typing this name
gellaho
He also talks like he's on ludes
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
Is he in the book a lot?
FancyShark
Beutel had memorable cameos in Live And Let Die and The Man With The Golden Gun
gellaho
I really would like to know where this is going
gellaho
I'm sure he will be
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
So you're saying that this book may not be pretty, but it will certainly be Beutel-full
gellaho
So weird
FancyShark
Then a giant version of Moby Duck smashes through the wall, Wes freaks out and eventually turns into a giant blob monster that explodes over Tokyo while Kaneda watches
gellaho
Sure, just put Acme in there you hack
Signore Bastardo
The Jersey shore is beautiful, though.
It is streets ahead of anything else in the northeast.
FancyShark
Nick Jackalson lacks the quiet dignity of Wile E Coyote
Signore Bastardo
Beloved children's character Wall-Eyed Pike.
Just Jerry Lewis making ableist jokes for 7 minutes, every episode.
gellaho
Meanwhile, a sexy woman repeatedly calls Simon sad
FancyShark
A beautiful woman saying encouraging things to a total nerd with self-esteem issues? What was Peter basing this on?
Signore Bastardo
This book will help you out if you have too much blood in your body.
gellaho
Chuck Simon's dick got hard as he thought of his dog, Rommel
gellaho
Signore Bastardo
Rommel is going to Cyrano his sex moves.
Bend female over on all fours. Bite neck to hold her in place. Defecate to prevent competing males from approaching
gellaho
Chuck's dick is attempting to flee
FancyShark
eXtreme twitching
Signore Bastardo
Chuck can't let his heart be psi-hurt again.
gellaho
Goddammit
FancyShark
Peter's way too into this
gellaho
I don't appreciate how close these two are
gellaho
Goddammit again
Signore Bastardo
Oh God, their psi-dicks are going to touch during intercourse.
gellaho
This is unacceptable
Signore Bastardo
For a brief moment, Chuck will know the pleasure of a bitch in heat, while Rommel...Romemel...dear God.
Rommel will never again be satisfied by aught but the stankest of puss.
DIDN'T I SAY
FancyShark
So this ends like Young Frankenstein?
Signore Bastardo
"What a set of psi-knockers!"
gellaho
I hate this
FancyShark
"Oh! Sank you, psi-doctor!"
Chuck now has an insatiable desire for kibble
gellaho
This goes on for so long
I hate you, Peter David
FancyShark
Not as much as the editor that had to proofread that
gellaho
Back to the plot as if that didn't happen
It's almostlike it should have been cut
FancyShark
Now it's Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
gellaho
Wes and his cartoon duck are on a road trip
So yes
FancyShark
"All you have to do is shoot the president, Wes. Then Jodie Foster will love you."
gellaho
And now a short story about a driver wanting to shoot an old man for driving under the speed limit
FancyShark
I mean, we've all been there
gellaho
And the driver is dead
And that was Chapter 10, I hope you enjoyed it
FancyShark
hahahaha
Peter David takes a moment to future-condemn automated cars
gellaho
Editor still doing great work
FancyShark
A ferral panther with a tynee hed
Signore Bastardo
Maybe he was irony
ironish
gellaho
Chuck got laid, so he is no longer wimpy
Signore Bastardo
Wait, I was making chili. Did they just by-proxy Connie into having sex with a dog?
FancyShark
This is how incels think sex works, right?
Signore Bastardo
For comedy?
gellaho
Kinda
FancyShark
Rommel brain-melded with Chuck so Chuck fucked like a werewolf
gellaho
Peter David would never change his name
gellaho
Wait
gellaho
I wonder if Peter David has daddy issues
Signore Bastardo
That means Rommel gave it to that German shepherd like a tender Quaker
gellaho
It's not like there was anything in Photon to indicate that
It's not like the evil computer was called DAD or something
FancyShark
Only MOM understood and supported the heroes
gellaho
Sho'nuff
Signore Bastardo
"I am Fotie, champion of BOTON! Warriors from across the galaxy compete in a high-stakes game of marksmanship! If your opponent's volley lands in your mouth--"
FancyShark
I think we have the line of the night
Signore Bastardo
I'm a professional. Don't try these jokes at home.
FancyShark
I'm afraid to ask what issues Peter was working out with Lord Baethan's crush on the 10-year-old girl
gellaho
Stealing from RoboCop now
gellaho
gellaho
Chuck Simon: unfamiliar with The Beatles, knows Ben-Hur
FancyShark
@Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G ! Join us for more Psi-Man!
Signore Bastardo
A volkswagen Rabbit has more HP than the chariot race in Ben Hur
gellaho
Eat a dick, Peter David!
It's not cute, stop it
FancyShark
That Peter David. Always with the Green Lantern references
Signore Bastardo
The irony that Disney would eventually buy 20 years of Peter's life work.
FancyShark
"Peter, come into our office. We found some books you wrote in the 80s and 90s."
gellaho
These books have to say Rommel more than an encyclopedia on WWII
FancyShark
Or the Hamburglar
gellaho
No, Peter. Bad Peter. You said the temperature has to be much higher than that
It's late November in California, don't bullshit me
FancyShark
So LA was sitting at two degrees Fahrenheit in the 90s? And that was unbearably hot?
Signore Bastardo
Let the dog drive, there's a safety buffer program to prevent crashes.
gellaho
Fuck off
FancyShark
Peter David, age 5
Signore Bastardo
Now now
gellaho
FUCK OFF
Stop doing that
Signore Bastardo
He got Trump right, maybeChuck drives a Tesla.
gellaho
You can't do that every ten pages
"Isn't what I'm writing ridiculous?"
FancyShark
Yeah. You're not Joss Whedon
Signore Bastardo
I like how every PAD book, he stops to make sure you, the reader, are as keenly aware how outlandish all this is as its characters are.
Reminder that the Tesla series spell out S3XY, so RAC would actually track.
do we have a story?
like the repelled a single attack at the safest place, Chuck's just hanging out, boning bitches in heat now, right?
FancyShark
I think the story so far is President wants to kill Disney, Chuck got laid and his balls dropped
gellaho
Remember that Chuck used aikido and psychic communication with trees to see blind last book
gellaho
Well, right now he's trying to catch an old man and a cartoon duck
FancyShark
And tumors? Hahahaha, what are those?
Signore Bastardo
Ah yes, trees. Famous for their ability to sense moving objects
FancyShark
What could people that only see by radar hope to get from a Haunted House?
"Oh no. A thing is moving."
"Aaahh. Scary."
gellaho
"And we kept on the reflective contacts that reduce our vision and pretended to be blind for... reasons"
Signore Bastardo
Fear of knowing that it's not just dark for them, it's actually dark?
FancyShark
"We love Evil Dead cosplay, okay?"
gellaho
RIP Connie
You existed to get fucked like a dog
Signore Bastardo
Jesus, Gellaho.
gellaho
I am not exaggerating
That was it
FancyShark
Well, she had sex with Chuck. That's all the character development she was allowed.
Signore Bastardo
It was really Chuck's character development.
gellaho
So grumpy about the murder
Signore Bastardo
I don't know any Quakers, but if they're anything like Unitarians, no dog-ferocity is required.
I bet she lives.
June's a double agent, Connie's knocked out, etc.
CPU's gonna run out of battery. I will set a {savepoint} here. Have fun, you kooks.
FancyShark
Later, Brendan! Have a good one!
gellaho
The chronometer read a little after 12 noon, or as a human might say: "the clock said noon"
Signore Bastardo
"Clockotron! What hour-time is it?"
FancyShark
<Sigh> "It's 12 clock units to the hour-when."
gellaho
Wes is back to his old animation studio, The Wonder Academy
FancyShark
Are we going to find out he's some superpowered psychic who can warp reality? Because as fun as the creepy subplot is, it feels unnecessary
gellaho
He encounters a bunch of meth heads
gellaho
Potentially
FancyShark
YES. OLD LUNATIC VS TWEAKERS
gellaho
Like the dogfight from the last book, you ain't getting it
FancyShark
DAMN YOU, PETER DAVID!
gellaho
Nevermind, Chuck is still a wimp
FancyShark
Oh good. That'll make what happened to Connie much worse
gellaho
Rommel is a blood thirsty monster
With a name like that, who would have guessed
FancyShark
If I was 13, this would be so cool to read and then never tell people about
gellaho
Old man somehow survives his crucifixion
FancyShark
Thanks, Peter. You had meth addicts brutalize a sad old man
gellaho
Beutel showed up finally. You remember him? He was supposed to be the villain of this book
FancyShark
Oh right. The overarching plot and stuff
gellaho
How'd he figure out how to get here? Who knows
FancyShark
Peter was so focused on psychic dog sex and victimizing the infirm that he forgot to tell a coherent narrative
gellaho
Chuck does his second "Simon Says" pun
gellaho
The first one was better
Radio Smasher GDC
That nice was just when the publisher accidentally printed Peters David's marginalia.
FancyShark
Thank god he killed only faceless drones instead of people with families and lives
gellaho
Jesus Christ, Chuck suck it the fuck up
*Oh, no. I killed the guy who was trying to kill me"
FancyShark
Every one of these books would be 200 pages thinner if Chuck would grow a pair
gellaho
Deus ex Wonder Helicopter
FancyShark
So Beutel can't do helicopters?
gellaho
He can control the wind, so yes. But he is weak to comic hijinks
FancyShark
Nice work, Chuck! He'll keep killing people now!
gellaho
I guess Wes is going to die anyway. So that was worth it
FancyShark
Fuck you, Peter David. This is just mean-spirited
gellaho
Time to invade Disneyland
FancyShark
Beutel also prepared to ignore that order
gellaho
Oh, Connie's alive
Peter David decided to skip over how
FancyShark
Hey, @Signore Bastardo was right!
gellaho
She just kind of showed up
FancyShark
Where are the people that drugged her?
gellaho
Who knows, she's at peace or some shit
And she survived?
Eh, I'm getting tired of him being coy
FancyShark
It's a robot or psychic mask or they peeled off her face
gellaho
Still enough pages left to include some more daddy issues
FancyShark
And liiiiips!
gellaho
Aw, isn't that sweet
FancyShark
dawww
Thanks, crucifying tweakers!
gellaho
No time for that though, ATVS!
FancyShark
Okay. We've probably still got enough pages for total chaos, a climactic showdown AND Chuck whining about not wanting to use his cool powers
gellaho
Does Beutel like guns or what
Like a seesaw is Peter David
FancyShark
Yet we'll be denied a sweet fight between Rommel and some cyborg beast and Chuck will probably just aikido the gun out of Beutel's hand
gellaho
Beutel hates guns
FancyShark
Is Beutel a bad guy? He's such a nuanced character, I'm not sure
gellaho
Clever?
FancyShark
I'll allow it
gellaho
Fuck you, Peter David
FancyShark
Oh, I see. Wonder made Maximum Overdrive and Lawnmower Man
gellaho
Or just keep that shitty train rolling
FancyShark
Get it? GET IT?!
gellaho
Man, he really thought he had something
FancyShark
Holy shit, he made Murderworld
Signore Bastardo
Strung out on Snap. You hate to see it. Damn, and these 'snappers are barely 16 solar-revolutions old, according to the terra-meter.
Signore Bastardo
WAIT THEY'RE ACTUALLY CALLED SNAPPERS
gellaho
UNFORGIVABLE
FancyShark
GEEEEEEEENNNNNNNT!!!!!!
FancyShark
Image
gellaho
This sucks so hard
Signore Bastardo
I'm always right. This is why it's tragic they won't hire me to write the comics.
Okay, what happened?
gellaho
I'm so angry
FancyShark
You missed the crazy old man getting crucified by tweakers. He wasn't psychic, just senile. He's dead now. Connie is not dead but she's acting super creepy. And Beutel is laying siege to Wonder World, which has defenses that made it Arcade's Murderworld
gellaho
Chuck Simon is really working hard here
Signore Bastardo
Beutel vs. Westworld, let's go.
FancyShark
Peter David is spewing puns out with his kills
Signore Bastardo
Your villain may be a badass but can he mind-fight a cartoon milking cow killbot and retain his dignity?
gellaho
SHE'S MEXICAN DO YOU UNDERSTAND
gellaho
I loathe you, Peter David
FancyShark
No. Every child's nightmare is divorce.
gellaho
Reuel Beutel has the villain book memorized
FancyShark
Might he and Chuck not be so different, when Chuck thinks about it?
gellaho
Sure, throw that in, why not
FancyShark
Not robots. Just a subplot that never happened
gellaho
Log flume climax, sure
Signore Bastardo
Is this like The Force now? Can they see what the other is doing?
Signore Bastardo
I object. The Rescue Rangers were unimpeachable.
FancyShark
Peter David assures us Rommel is badass as he sidelines him yet again for the final showdown
gellaho
Yes
Signore Bastardo
Now they're just doing Parasyte the Maxim.
gellaho
The Hardy Boys Casefiles: Deadfall did this log flume thing better
Possibly because the author understands what a log flume is
Signore Bastardo
She'd have to be desperate to need Chuck Doofus
Nobody ever came back around begging for a second serving of dog fu.
gellaho
Oh, and he'd just learned to like his penis
FancyShark
I'm okay with the world beating the crap out of Chuck
Signore Bastardo
If a psionic fight lasts longer than three seconds you've already lost.
gellaho
Nevermind, log flume was pointless. Except for the ball kick
FancyShark
So, worth it
gellaho
Lol, Chuck fucked a robot
Signore Bastardo
She thought she was going to die.
FancyShark
They programmed a fuckbot to fear death
Signore Bastardo
Wes and Wyatt created a Westworld woman who believed she was alive, but her sole purpose was to seduce a dog piloting a man's body.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Wyatt shoots his dad into space
Signore Bastardo
We have to invent new consent laws for these kinds of violations.
The launchpad at Wonderworld will surely incinerate all visitors and most cloned dinosaurs.
FancyShark
"Clap, everyone! CLAP OR WE BURN!"
gellaho
This pseudo-lady is having a very rough day
Signore Bastardo
"I know now why you cry out when you orgasm, Psi-Man the Hu-Man. But it is something I could never do."
And with that, the Mexican sexbot straddled her long, tan legs around a crane, and lowered herself into the Wonderlava
"Nooooo," Chuck murmured.
gellaho
Get the psychic fight in at the last minute
FancyShark
Hell yes
Signore Bastardo
His last view of her before Rommel tugged him away by the pant leg, was of her no-nonsense fist, curled in a thumbs nup.
gellaho
Goddammit, Chuck. Stop being such a fucking wuss
Signore Bastardo
So he's strong enough to bend high-quality steel.
Can he bend NYSTEEL? The question remains.
FancyShark
Chuck, crush him into a meatball. It's what the murdered families deserve
Signore Bastardo
Beutel is a school bully.
gellaho
Ok, ok
Ok
Signore Bastardo
Beutel has a cybernetic hand??
FancyShark
Hold up. Beutel has a metal hand?!
gellaho
So, Reuel punches through a wall and damages the rocket
Signore Bastardo
This book is ALL OTHER BOOKS.
gellaho
yes, it was eaten by Rommel in the first book
gellaho
Because the rocket is inside the castle for some reason
Signore Bastardo
Do we have visual on the nysteel? CAN YOU CONFIRM?
FancyShark
🤞
Signore Bastardo
Chuck should crush his expensive replacement hand and just laugh at him.
Like ha ha, you're never going to have full functionality.
gellaho
Then his hand gets fused to the self healing metal of the rocket
FancyShark
Woop!
Signore Bastardo
He could keep edging TOWARDS the "disarm" pun but never make it.
FancyShark
"To infinity and beyond, asshole"
gellaho
Chuck Simon, world's largest wimp, still tries to help him
Signore Bastardo
They have blob-metal and they're wasting it on a one-way rocket.
gellaho
Scratch that, cowardly runs away
FancyShark
And the president was only angry over a cartoon
gellaho
Connie gives him the ol' thumbs up
FancyShark
Fuck yeah! Coward execution!
Chuck now realizes why Connie had no genitals
gellaho
Booooooo
gellaho
Psi-Man: Robofucker
FancyShark
hahahaha, he's dead by asphyxiation
Oh shit. Connie's about to reveal she's Mexican
gellaho
Jesus Fucking Christ, Peter David
FancyShark
Were pores too complicated?
gellaho
Goddammit
FancyShark
Well, I was right about the pheromones. But that wasn't the part I wanted to be right about
gellaho
What in the actual fuck
FancyShark
hahaha, holy shit
Not since the dull snap of frozen flesh separating in Titanic has there been such a jarring tone shift from a tender moment
Signore Bastardo
Can she actually feel love, or is she just programmed to say that to all of her honey pot traps?
gellaho
So, do you remember how Peter David's autobiography ended with a pitch for a fart novel?
FancyShark
oh no
gellaho
@Digital Fartwork jakesy can provide the proof of that
But so can I
FancyShark
nononononono
Signore Bastardo
Because if the former, that is way too fast to fall in love.
gellaho
President Fart everyone
gellaho
The End
FancyShark
Because all the assassins were used up on that first try
gellaho
We have defeated Psi-Man: Main Street D.O.A. That was quite painful
Radio Smasher GDC
This was horrible, thank you.
FancyShark
Yes it was. But fun as always to read along with you, Brendan, and the rest of the hotdoggers
Thank you, @gellaho !
gellaho
I wish I knew what he was trying to do
FancyShark
I think he's trying to make some weird mashup of 70s and 80s TV with the violence of 80s/90s action movies
Like what a teenager would try to do with no restraints
Or what we would do, after looking at that description
gellaho
The first two weren't that jokey. This one was a smorgasbord of madness and puns
FancyShark
He must've thought he was adding whimsy to contrast the darker stuff
gellaho
It also seems like he's trying to say something about Disney and media conglomerates, but they end up being the good guys? The stuff about theme parks is all over the place
That concludes what has to be the longest Book Cage
FancyShark
Thanks again, gellaho. Have a good night!
gellaho
It went on for so long that I forgot about football
Digital Fartwork jakesy
Ugh I have to try to make these again, I have to go into the office for now so it's tough but man I miss riffing on Peter
Fucking David with the fart thing again
gellaho
It is astonishing
Digital Fartwork jakesy
Peter also thinks he's a good writer
gellaho
Loves patting himself on the back
And a Rokku New Year
There are Peter David comics that I love
I have never read any of his work outside that
Signore Bastardo
I'm not filling in the blanks before President Fart.
Seems like it would be easier to just hijack the signal than to sneak a high-tech device that does the same under the president's chair in a world full of political violence.
FancyShark
Wyatt was a supervillain that only got to be the good guy because Peter David wanted to get political
Signore Bastardo
Wall-Eyed Pike and Muddy Mudskipper on the road to Pismo sounds like a fun cartoon though.
