71 Real Horror Franklin W. Dixon

Exploring the darker side of life can have very grave consequences.

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gellaho
It's a double dose of Hardy! Halloween is coming up, so it's time for something spooky. Frank and Joe must help Stephen King Mark Stevens to fend off deadly traps in his Nightmare House. Join me this Friday, 5pm eastern, as we experience The Hardy Boys #71: Real Horror
gellaho
gellaho
@Brockway Pin this or risk getting guillotined in your own home
Derpbat
Wow! I can feel the preppy vibe of their clothes through my screen.
That is aggressive.
FancyShark
If it's just poisons and guillotines emerging and falling on the floor, those should be easy to avoid
Derpbat
Is... Is Joe a guy in his late teens wearing a neon yellow long sleeve button down collared shirt to a cemetery stalking event?
This has to be an 80s book.
Gentleman Brendan
That's Frank. Joe has a leather jacket, as per anger.
Derpbat
I obviously have their characters backwards.
I thought Frank was the one who actually thinks he's cool enough to wear a leather jacket, and Joe was the preppy loser.
gellaho
Frank (brown hair) is a computer dweeb who knows karate
Joe (blond) is a moron who hates women and explodes in every book
Derpbat
Well, today I learned.
gellaho
Little under an hour until Frank and Joe meet Stephen King Mark Stephens in The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #71: Real Horror.
Here is the preview
FancyShark
"So you're saying you died sooner?"
"Shut up, Joe"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
gellaho
Time to begin
FancyShark
Not enough tombstones have gargoyles anymore
gellaho
Heavyset with a beard? I didn't think that was legal in this universe
FancyShark
"Because humans are the real monsters. You don't think there are monsters nowadays, but they're all around us. Because they're human"
gellaho
Getting a little too into describing the teens
gellaho
"What if I told you the real monster was... man?"
FancyShark
"Frank's lips were supple, while Joe's were taught and firm"
John
"excellent" reputations?
The chief spent the whole last book bitching at them for getting in the way.
John
Just another example of an author insisting on making a character a minor for no reason. They're never in school anyway, just say they're 18 and 19.
FancyShark
Maybe we're grading on a curve
gellaho
For timeline reference, this is the book directly preceding The Screamers, aka Exploding Computer: The Novel
John
Of course. The "everyone gets a smiley face curve." Even Joe, who ate his paste and his computer project exploded.
gellaho
Famous reader, that Joe
gellaho
19 is a little old for high school. You might as well give him a shitty goatee and a job at the paper
wait
FancyShark
"Dear, come see. The impoverished Hardy Boys are here."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The Steele books were notoriously bad at this. Every sex scene in Cold Steele featured a 15 year old
John
A thirty-minute drive to an affluent community just south of the affluent community they live in. I'm genuinely surprised the author didn't point out they had to drive through "the ghetto" to get there.
FancyShark
"The ghetto" is the term for the one house owned by an Italian family
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
No that's the gelato
John
"Ohoho, Carol. Can you believe those silly people only have a three car garage? And they think they're real people because of it?"
FancyShark
"We should have our gardeners spit on them"
gellaho
This kid is definitely a plant
FancyShark
"Is the twist that it's a human?"
"No. Well, maybe. Fuck you"
John
Remember how the last book we read had a fiction writer who thought the stuff he made up was real? Why is this guy doing the same thing?
gellaho
I wonder where this is going
FancyShark
Carrier Wave?
John
Everyone here, I want you to go to a crowded place and cup your ear. Tell me if that helps you pinpoint a muffled noise.
FancyShark
WHAT? SORRY, CAN'T HEAR YOU
gellaho
"PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE SCREAMING"
FancyShark
That's just the sound of the guest singer doing warmups
gellaho
"THOSE ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT"
FancyShark
We know what the masks look like, Dixon
gellaho
Special Effects, a thing typically found at a book reading
FancyShark
"ARE YOU READY TO RAWWWWK?"
John
I'm calling it now. Everything that happens is a fakeout. Stevens did it.
gellaho
Hecklers now, sure
FancyShark
Can't have a book reading without them
John
I love that the book can't have two heavyset men, so this guy just has big bones.
gellaho
You sound like Deke Ramsey
gellaho
A real name
John
It's true. My friends call me The Deke
FancyShark
"Deke, I left a note on your nightstand. Why are you causing a scene?"
gellaho
HOW DARE YOU PROMOTE YOUR BOOK, YOU HACK!
FancyShark
Neither of them know how these public appearances work
John
"Sir, the slam poetry contest isn't for another half hour and it's in Hall D. Please take your seat."
Antonio Malochio
Accusing someone of staging a publicity stunt, at a staged and advertised publicity stunt
gellaho
Cane Attack!
gellaho
I'm guessing the screaming, blood, and shaking is still happening?
John
"Frank, now with 2 broken arms, knew something was wrong."
FancyShark
"OH MY, AND RAMSEY HITS FRANK WITH A CANE. HOW WILL FRANK RESPOND?"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Wait Stephens gets caned?
FancyShark
My bad, I misread
Corrected now
gellaho
How dare you write books with things people want to read? How about I write about interesting things and see how you like it?
gellaho
FancyShark
"You've always used marketing to overshadow me, a man who does not use marketing!"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
For some reason I thought the us representative who got beaten with a cane before the south seceded was also Stevens. It was Sumner
gellaho
REVENGE!
FancyShark
"Put the cane down, old man!"
John
I immediately made the connection, too.
gellaho
Pile of goo
FancyShark
Stevens doesn't even get the dignity of a descriptive pile
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
John
The only way this makes sense is if Joe and Frank are the only people attending this reading. How does no one else intervene?
Or even say anything?
gellaho
This guy is prat falling all over the stage
FancyShark
"Yeah, you suck! Get off the stage!"
gellaho
They all ran away when the shaking started
Bunch of cowards those Stephens fans
FancyShark
Nervous as gazelles
John
I hope the mask crushes his legs, and then he's tied together with Frank and his broken arms. Together they can almost become a whole person again.
gellaho
How's Joe getting out of this one?
John
I'm putting my quarter down on, "but it missed."
FancyShark
As long as the giant openings in the mask don't line up with them!
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"Chapter 3.
The mask missed everyone and they all got up and dusted themselves off"
gellaho
Pushed off what?
Antonio Malochio
Imagine the headlines, "Horror writer TRAGICALLY killed"
gellaho
Did he push off the goo?
FancyShark
I think he suplexed Stevens to safety
John
That's the best and coolest possible answer. So clearly Joe couldn't have done it.
FancyShark
There are heavy quotes around "tragically"
Antonio Malochio
"Horror writer narrowly escapes TRAGEDY"
FancyShark
"We're SO torn up about it"
gellaho
Perfectly normal conversation
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"Don't act super guilty" she thought as she acted super guilty
FancyShark
Short, bald, expensive suit. We have our guy who wants him dead FOR THE INSURANCE MONEY
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
THE INSURANCE MONEY
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY!
gellaho
"By saying nothing, we assumed you were cool with that"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
FancyShark
hahaha
John
There was something written on the back of the note I left on Deke's nightstand. Was that important?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
That's how business works, if you don't sign the contracts it implies that you accept them
gellaho
Everybody knows he loves publicity
gellaho
Marketing his books like some kind of asshole
FancyShark
"Reckless endangerment" is a fable in this world
Antonio Malochio
I want to hear the story behind "every cop in town knows that"
gellaho
"We'll steal dad's business, sure"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"I'm the cop! Despite just arriving here I know more than you all"
John
Eh, even though they're always wrong, I find myself on the cops' side in all these books.
FancyShark
Oh god, Stevens is trying to spin this for book sales
gellaho
Stranger danger
FancyShark
Why do writers keep trying to seduce the Hardys?!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I gotta drive for an hour before I can get in on this. I'm going to be really unsafe.
John
I refer you back to the description of them on page 1.
FancyShark
Ahh, true
John
Dixon wrote them specifically as author jailbait it seems.
gellaho
Frank famously has mossy green hands
gellaho
NIGHTMARE HOUSE
FancyShark
That's what Mark's ex-wife called it, even after the divorce
John
It's lines like that that remind me this is a book series for children we've decided to dedicate our Friday nights to mocking.
gellaho
"Joe stared daggers at the fe-male"
John
I have no regrets.
The Lip? Fuck you.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
THE LIP
FancyShark
Simon Hawke spits on you, ghost writer
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
MOISTEN THAT FUCKER
John
Damn, you both beat me to it
gellaho
Two women? Joe will not be pleased
FancyShark
NIGHTMARE HOUSE!
just a reminder
John
Why are her laugh lines notable? Is Frank also upset by women being happy?
gellaho
It's not much of a story
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Yeah sounds revolutionary Stevens
John
"That sounds like it sucks."
"Yeah, I know. Anyway, instead I stole this story from Deke."
gellaho
Spoooooooky
FancyShark
"Someone hopes I don't end up in hell! It's terrible!"
gellaho
Compelling
FancyShark
Sounds hilarious
Couldn't even write a solution, huh, Mark?
John
"Anyway, thank god I have you two boys here with me. Now let's get into our shared bed for safety. I'm so scared."
Antonio Malochio
I genuinely can't see a way that Frank and Joe get out of there alive/unmolested
gellaho
No sense of self-preservation that Joe
FancyShark
"I guess we'll give the rapey author a shot"
gellaho
You know those New England castles
FancyShark
Stone walls, but not load-bearing. Everything is waiting for an errant breeze
gellaho
Frank trying to get his girlfriend murdered
FancyShark
Callie #12
Back up. What the hell is a walk-in fireplace?
Antonio Malochio
If that phone works I will eat my shoes
gellaho
Frank goes to the "only monument company in the area"
FancyShark
Just help yourselves, random strange teens
John
I'll grant you it would be weird for there to be 2, but it's still a bizarrely specific niche.
gellaho
They are tailed in every book
Antonio Malochio
It doesn't say "Zar Unbo" in the signature box?
FancyShark
That mentality is why they have the market cornered
John
"Hi, I'd like a commemorative plaque."
"Sorry, monuments only. We can only make it if it commemorates a historic event."
gellaho
Great subterfuge here
FancyShark
hahaha
John
More husky people. Someone just found out there's more than two body types (lean/lean with tits).
FancyShark
I hope the thug is Ramsey's son or caretaker
gellaho
Frank coincidentally gets a flat tire
John
RAMSEY? Could that mean Ramsey? Dick Ramsey to be specific. One of the 2 people we've met today?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
It's a fan of both the Rams and Fonzie
RAMS EYYYYYYY
gellaho
Do you get it? He's fat
FancyShark
Chet, you are not alone!
Next is a multi-page description of Frank and Joe being beaten to pulp
gellaho
Meanwhile: Joe eats shit
FancyShark
dang
gellaho
Frank went off by himself to get his girlfriend
John
This is just an elaborate ruse by Frank so he can ditch Joe and fuck his girlfriend.
Antonio Malochio
Endlessly
He is still falling to this day
gellaho
Tire smokescreen
FancyShark
"You'll damage the axle!"
gellaho
"Why are you hurting me? I only came at you with a bat"
FancyShark
Yes!
Goon son for the goon dad
gellaho
Carl
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
HI CARL
GOOD TO SEE YOU
Antonio Malochio
"Don't worry, his next book sounds like a piece of shit"
FancyShark
Carl, your dad could have said that at the public appearance instead of "REVENGE!"
gellaho
THAT DAMNED PUBLICITY
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Better have some good publicity insurance to cash in on
FancyShark
That book sounds incredibly dull
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Antonio Malochio
Nothing better than a clearly white author writing about inner city gang members
John
Sorry had to leave for a minute, but:
gellaho
You don't understand, my dad also wrote a book he probably shouldn't have
FancyShark
"Started"? That doesn't mean shit
gellaho
"This doesn't really explain the other books. Or how you think 'fake haunted house' is an original idea"
gellaho
FancyShark
If his readership fell for having one book with a similar idea as a new author, his writing must be generic
gellaho
You can't kill Joe Hardy with a human-made ax
FancyShark
"Oh no! It looks like that axe hit you several more times while you were passed out!"
gellaho
Callie had arrived to ask questions
FancyShark
"Also, computers explode"
gellaho
"This book sounds really shitty, Joe"
John
I'd really like a source for the "typewriter wear is as distinctive as fingerprints" claim. Seems like all it could do is maybe prove what language the typewriter was used for.
gellaho
Frank knew she would, it's how he had programmed her
FancyShark
It's their foreplay
John
Callie has to spend every morning reminding herself to not be too interesting in front of Frank, lest he be mocked for his blandness.
gellaho
Stephens had a murder dungeon
FancyShark
Every room of this house is a deathtrap. You just have to slip and you'll get impaled on something
gellaho
Or just be a moron like Joe
FancyShark
hahahaha
Joe, you dipshit
I like that Callie isn't stupid
Antonio Malochio
That's a low bar in this book
gellaho
Great joke
FancyShark
I just realized that not only has Stevens been horning on the boys, but he's also pretended to murder them. The Famous Author is becoming a type in these books
FancyShark
You thought you were going to die! It's hilarious!
gellaho
Wow indeed
Antonio Malochio
The author writing this knew only one way the fictional author would interact with two naive teenagers
FancyShark
Michelle needs the cops
gellaho
Joe has not said anything to this woman
FancyShark
"She didn't even like the note I sent Michelle"
"Pops" A, Queen of the Ragniks
Joe: "why doesn't this girl I've never talked to like me yet?!"
gellaho
Damn you, PUBLICITY!!!
FancyShark
PUBLICITYYYYYYY!!!!!!
"Pops" A, Queen of the Ragniks
A publicist produces publicity.
gellaho
As far as I know, Fenton has never done anything
"Pops" A, Queen of the Ragniks
It's in their professional vows
gellaho
And I believe that the Hardys stopped a hydrogen bomb, but sure, dad's more famous
"Pops" A, Queen of the Ragniks
Prove your dead dad, sport
Then maybe I'll think about it
FancyShark
"Put your wallet away. I know for a fact Fenton brands his children"
Antonio Malochio
I think Fenton Hardy has been "out of town" since he went to buy cigarettes 10 years ago
gellaho
"But you always loved lady publicity before? Just one last publicity injection for old time's sake, OK?"
gellaho
Something that a human would say
FancyShark
Lipp heard this is a great way to get someone to kiss you
I assume Frank will take Lipp at his word and not check that he's dead?
gellaho
Not quite
gellaho
But he does just wake right back up
John
Chapter 5:
Lipp opened his eyes and slowly rose from the floor. Not poison, just my shellfish allergy acting up. False alarm everyone.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Loose Lipps sink ships
FancyShark
Lipp seems pretty chill for almost dying
gellaho
Joe could not decipher these signals
gellaho
Joe is so focused on this weird crush that he doesn't notice the very obvious clue about the contract
FancyShark
Dammit, Joe
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Also watch out, that computer is about to blow!
John
Kinda on Bev's side. Callie is a terrible mole.
gellaho
No matter, time to stalk a different woman
John
Just drive the Hardy Rape Van (tm) inconspicuously
FancyShark
I'm sure the woman who got a note threatening to carve out her heart won't mind two strange boys following her home
gellaho
Sure, this seems important
FancyShark
She goes all out for Karaoke Night
John
"Why is the help doing stuff? Shouldn't they be waiting in the janitor's closet?"
FancyShark
Now Paul Giamatti stumbles in and wins the singing competition
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"Ugh, I hate when the poors have ambition"
gellaho
The fuck are you talking about lady
FancyShark
That's so perfectly crazy, it must be true
gellaho
Crank up the cloning vats
John
He should not be able to instantly identify his girlfriend's scream like that
FancyShark
He hears it a lot when she runs the clothes dryer
gellaho
Very uncommon occurrence when reading horror
FancyShark
"That's the intercom. Stevens is an asshole."
John
"All right gang, we're looking for a ghost or a speaker somewhere in the room. Callie, get your makeup so we can find this ghost."
"Shut up Joe"
Dammit @FancyShark. Funnier and pithier and faster.
FancyShark
I like yours more. There's a story in it
gellaho
"I was wondering why there was a six foot gap between these rooms"
FancyShark
The contractor that built this house vomited when he first saw the blueprints
John
Don't go into the tunnel of clich├ęs. There's likely to be a tripwire.
gellaho
He just writes books about his house?
gellaho
The Gruesome Kitchen Remodeling
John
Okay, what if, and follow me here, they filmed the movie here and there's nothing sinister going on.
FancyShark
The Bathroom of Insufficient Toilet Paper
The Garage With The Broken Tire Pump
gellaho
Joe, the fan that he is, somehow missed this
FancyShark
This would go a lot faster if they kicked Mark's ass
gellaho
Bold ploy
John
I was fucking kidding when I said they filmed it here.
Just the worst mole.
FancyShark
That's right, kids. In the '90s, a novel took multiple disks to store
That's why computers exploded
gellaho
Egads, computational discs
John
Imagine trying to explain to a kid today that I had a 3.5", 1.44MB floppy as a required school supply and it held everything I did for the year.
John
Thank god. Any plot or drama has been averted.
FancyShark
Of course Frank makes backups. He's a nerd
Antonio Malochio
If I forgot my homework I'd just run a magnet over a floppy and feign innocence
John
Whenever he used his computer. He spends half of everyday making backups.
gellaho
Hawkshaw is publicist speak
John
It's definitely not English
FancyShark
This terminology is much cooler
Or stupid
I'm not sure which
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
lol nobody has ever called anyone a hawkshaw
FancyShark
What if this whole book is just the writer's attempt to make hawkshaw a thing?
Antonio Malochio
I'm sure a pair of handsome teenage hawkshaws are THIS publicist's dream, at any rate
gellaho
Seems like important information
gellaho
The Lip Split
FancyShark
For a stunt, they killed a homeless person
Marketing books is weird
gellaho
They go to Ramsey's bookstore, which I guess he has
FancyShark
Ramsey is a fascinating puzzle of a man
gellaho
Murder time
FancyShark
Probably should have bolted that thing down. OSHA regulations and all that
gellaho
You'll never guess what happened. Nothing
John
Carl just screaming "innocent!" As he crushes two people.
FancyShark
Janet Evanovich novels fail to claim their blood
gellaho
Time to steal!
FancyShark
Joe begins confiscating copies of all the romance novels
gellaho
Hmmm
gellaho
So he doesn't own the store, just works there?
gellaho
But there's a family portrait
And has inventory control because there are no Mark Stephens books
FancyShark
hahaha
John
It's the wife/mom who wishes she fired them I hope.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
You know what I kinda hope all the Ramsey's and Stevenses all kill each other
They all suck shit
gellaho
Lady, you have a weird relationship with this dude
gellaho
Wife divorced and left
FancyShark
Ramsey pays for room and board with his body
John
He does have those big bones.
Ba-dum-tish
gellaho
REVENGE!
FancyShark
REVENGE!
gellaho
They leave and
FancyShark
So either Ramsey used to own Nightmare House or he and Mark are just hacks
hahaha, Dixon's writers and their love of Uzis
gellaho
Wummmmpf
FancyShark
"Guns sound like someone jumping in a snow drift, right?"
gellaho
Seems legit
FancyShark
Must be a publicity stunt
Antonio Malochio
Flashback to this dude meticulously cramming paintballs in an Uzi magazine the night before
FancyShark
Excellent name, @Antonio Malochio
gellaho
Joe was too stunned by the man's sweet Samson tank top
FancyShark
That shirt sounds badass
It doesn't really take guts to run after a guy with a paintball gun
Unless you're headed to an interview
gellaho
I was right. Too distracted by the tank
FancyShark
Ashfork: No One Will Ever Alter Our Name For Jokes
gellaho
No they don't
FancyShark
hahaha
He's called that because he got food poisoning from McDonald's once
gellaho
This lingo for paintball did not stick
Antonio Malochio
Oh god no
Not a LARPer
gellaho
"Yeah, we'll beat up high schoolers, so what"
gellaho
This ghost writer is really into muscles
FancyShark
Joe vs Big Lenny
gellaho
Greco thought "I'm going to stomp this kid" would work
FancyShark
Lesson 1: When an idiot lets you hit them, you hit the throat, the junk or both
So they were following the rules until Joe fought back?
gellaho
Callie accidentally finds everything
FancyShark
Computer disks are durable enough to survive being crushed against a box spring, sure
gellaho
Great chapter titles for a haunted house with three people in it
FancyShark
"Chapter Three - Bunnies!"
"Chapter Four - Ruin in the Halls of Anguish"
gellaho
I accidentally opened my snake drawer
FancyShark
Those snakes have been without water or food for days
gellaho
Joe decides to think like a crazy person
FancyShark
They play paintball around poisonous snakes? Hardcore
John
This book has gone off the rails. We went from arguing writers to paintball warriors and gym battles.
gellaho
Joe attempts to stealth his way into the secretaries desk. She catches him and decides to seduce the high schooler
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Checks out
FancyShark
HEY!
Fuck you, writer!
John
It's okay. You're one of the good ones.
gellaho
More accidental clue finding
gellaho
FancyShark
Have the notes been made with magazine clippings?
gellaho
If this is Bev, she is the least subtle criminal of all time
gellaho
The cut out heart one was
FancyShark
Interior doors are- what?
John
Callie shrieked, huh? You can't let her be a cool character for half a second, can you?
Antonio Malochio
The interior doors of this solid granite mansion are hollow? Sure
FancyShark
To be fair, she's screaming about a fire. It's the correct response
gellaho
I don't know if this is the prescribed method for fighting fires
John
Maybe if this was her first fire. She's been in more explosions than most at this point.
FancyShark
"Fine! Flames, what are you doing this weekend? How about next? You want to get lunch? How about dinner? Want to do something later?"
"Not that kind of smother!"
gellaho
"So, instead of saying Open Sesame, I'm going to grab at the book and yank"
FancyShark
Even Mark's locks are stupid
John
Interesting story Frank, but we're all on fire. Just hurry the fuck up.
gellaho
Bev is fucking crazy
FancyShark
Bev is having the best time
gellaho
She somehow flips the car over a rake
gellaho
Let me check if I missed anything
gellaho
Nope
FancyShark
The physics engine just gave up
Ohhh, wait. The RAKE went flying
gellaho
The car is still tilted
FancyShark
lol. That means they just watched a car do air time with no reaction
gellaho
Fucking Bev going wild out here
FancyShark
Go, Bev, Go!
This lady rules
gellaho
Time for some lady violence
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Fuck em up, Bev.
FancyShark
Defeated by a tackle. Bev, you burned so bright but so briefly
Antonio Malochio
A tackle to the waist, of all things. Every aspiring detective knows you tackle at the knees
gellaho
Jesus, this family is insane
FancyShark
BuwaaaaaAAAAAA?
gellaho
YOU MAYBE STOLE MY BOOK IDEA! SO MY ENTIRE FAMILY WILL COMMIT SEVERAL ACTS OF VIOLENCE AND ARSON!
VENGEANCE!
FancyShark
I love it. Every one of the Ramseys' first reaction is 'murder'
Antonio Malochio
If it turns out this girl was wearing coloured contacts to hide her grey eyes I am going to punch something
gellaho
This disguise is unnecessary
Antonio Malochio
FUCK
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
This family is dumb
FancyShark
"Who would believe the man that swore vengeance in front of multiple witnesses was responsible?!"
gellaho
Gasp
FancyShark
GASP
You monster!
Also, Bev has tetanus
Antonio Malochio
The nail sticking out of the brick corridor wall
gellaho
Carl doesn't seem capable of doing that to me
FancyShark
Ramsey, just chucking his kids under the bus
gellaho
Deke seems like he might have severe brain damage
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Don't talk to cops or brain damaged teenagers, is the lesson here
Antonio Malochio
Lipp should not still be taking drinks from these people
FancyShark
"Yes, Deke's a lunatic, but what of it?"
Antonio Malochio
After his mild poisoning earlier
FancyShark
But surely the Ramseys would not be mad enough to try poison again!
gellaho
I can't believe that The Lip would be so underhanded
FancyShark
If you can't trust The Lip, who can you trust?
Antonio Malochio
My spider-senses detect typewriter-related foreshadowing
gellaho
You are wise
FancyShark
Dun dun DUN
gellaho
Sure
FancyShark
That tracks
Like when I'm too tired to exercise, I call a movie theater
gellaho
Embezzling!
gellaho
Close to insurance fraud
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Spooky!
FancyShark
Embezzlement! The bastard cousin of insurance!
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY!
Antonio Malochio
Except when it's REVENGE, plus also EMBEZZLEMENT
gellaho
The Lip's devious plan: to kill someone, sometime
FancyShark
To be fair, Stevens should be in prison anyway
gellaho
I bet they'll die this time
FancyShark
"So, shoot them?"
gellaho
Who would have guessed that the bodybuilding thug isn't up for assassinating high schoolers
FancyShark
Mac no want hurt tiny men. Tiny men annoying, not bad
Probably shouldn't remind the guy with a gun you can testify against him
gellaho
I'm very disappointed in you Bad Mac McCoy
FancyShark
Mac McCoy: You need snakes? I can get you snakes
gellaho
Randomly, here comes Callie and Stephens from a secret passage
FancyShark
Dammit, Frank
Hopefully Stevens absorbs the first hail of bullets
gellaho
"I won't make sure Joe is hiding in this iron maiden before closing it. I also won't notice how little resistance there is"
FancyShark
Seriously. The whole place. Deathtrap
gellaho
Stephens goes out like a coward
gellaho
Then Lipp just has a heart attack
FancyShark
The hospital turns both of them away, thinking it's another publicity stunt
gellaho
Luckily, there's a happy ending for publicity
FancyShark
PUBLICITYYYYYY!!!
gellaho
Does this author have agents and accountants confused?
gellaho
why would a new agent go through his old accounts
FancyShark
Yeah. That's...dumb
gellaho
Remember Michelle? Apparently this happened off screen
gellaho
Still don't know why the blues club was important
FancyShark
Suddenly, Michelle stabs Stevens
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Prettily is an adverb an editor should have taken issue with.
gellaho
Might as well give that maniac Ramsey money, it's not like he did anything wrong
gellaho
FancyShark
Ramsey responded to the good news with wild gunfire
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Frank can't conceive of anything scarier than insurance fraud.
Antonio Malochio
Wait, I just got the title "colours of the dead", it was about a white millionaire's idea of inner city gangs, right?
gellaho
I think that's more about gang colors
FancyShark
Gotta admit, that tracks though
Antonio Malochio
Yeah, I just really want to read that book
gellaho
The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #71: Real Horror has been defeated
FancyShark
Nice work, @gellaho !
gellaho
So concludes this edition of the Book Cage
FancyShark
And thanks, as always!
John
Thanks @gellaho
FancyShark
Nice riffing, everybody!
Antonio Malochio
Loved it
FancyShark
@John , you running more Hardy Boys episodes?
John
I am.
I turned on AdBlock on YouTube for this week as well
I downloaded the episodes too, but realized we need our hilarious auto-generated captions.
Antonio Malochio
So to recap, it was 3 different psychopaths all with the same plan, and the hardy boys bravely defeated the armed maniac with a well timed heart attack
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Fuck, I didn't realize we were watching more episodes, I'm at a bar.
John
They're on YouTube, so you can watch it later and read back our commentary. It'll be just like having us with you!
FancyShark
Adventure!
gellaho
It was uniquely insane in that way