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gellaho
The Book Cage - Episode 70: The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #64: Operation: Phoenix #1: Endangered Species
Did you know The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ has story arcs? Well, apparently it does. But not that many, and they are only like 3 books long. Coming up, we will begin Operation: Phoenix with the Kenyan adventure Endangered Species. Poachers are after the most valuable, but most impossible prey of all: a boy investigator. Unfortunately for them, Frank & Joe Hardy are immortals sent down by the gods to solve crime and consume snacks. How will the first part of this exciting trilogy unfold? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
Porcelain Dreams
Hang on, someone hired Fenton to actually do his job?
FancyShark
Joe found out elephants live in a matriarchy and said something so vile the elephants marked him for death
gellaho
This book got around
Porcelain Dreams
Wait, was this filed as a non-fiction book?
FancyShark
Where do you see that?
Porcelain Dreams
Oh. No, that's just the title.
FancyShark
ah
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
When I saw Operation: Phoenix I thought it was going to be the Hardy Boys going to 'Nam.
gellaho
It's got pounds on the back, so this book has travelled the Atlantic to freedom
FancyShark
Chet loves the smell of napalm in the morning
gellaho
The damn British library system destroyed the preview page
FancyShark
This is why we declared independence
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I have some of those books, I remember one about a video game
Gentleman Brendan
Oh this is gonna make me sad for eleofaunts
gellaho
Under an hour until The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #64: Operation Phoenix #1: Endangered Species. The preview was destroyed by the British library system.
gellaho
So instead, here's the first page
FancyShark
Joe responds between bites of panda
dr
I'm starting to realize I read like… most of these?
FancyShark
Calling it now: Alladyce is either the big bad or, if the Assassins are involved, he's going to be cloned
well, "cloned"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Whatever he is, he's probably sick of being asked how many dice he has.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Tell me what you know about animal smuggling" Levin asks as Frank starts to sweat, thinking about the four endangered turtles he has taped to his taint and thighs.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
To say nothing of the gerbil.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
The gerbil is there for personal reasons but Frank has already decided the authorities wont believe him.
FancyShark
The gerbil shifts its weight. Frank freezes.
"Son, did your mustache just move?"
"...no"
public jakesy no. 1
I'm suspicious of this book already because of one word
FancyShark
Which one?
public jakesy no. 1
THATS NOT HOW THE BRITISH SPELL COLOURED
public jakesy no. 1
This stinks to high Heaven
FancyShark
They're taunting us
Gentleman Brendan
hELLO, I am very tired.
I will be funny, but not in a clever way. LET'S DO THIS
how is everyone?
are you ready to...
FancyShark
You were tired and funny last time. I'm optimistic
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I've had gut coring self inflicted intestinal distress so I'm not feeling clever either.
But very funny.
FancyShark
Damn!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It was those steak and rice burritos or me, and I chose me.
I did what I had to do to protect my nation and my family.
Which was eat three burritos I knew would make me sick.
gellaho
Uh oh
FancyShark
They went down, but not without a fight
Oh shit. Joe's curse caused 9/11
gellaho
How exactly do you studiously ignore someone?
Gentleman Brendan
"Boys, what's the meaning of this email? 'A cake with a stick and two sticks?' Explain yourselves or no more flying lessons for you."
gellaho
Not get any sleep since last week?
Oh, also, I'm starting
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"I'm a government official, I refuse to talk to teens."
Gentleman Brendan
Up late finishing text on new column. Then body refused to fall asleep. Then twitched all night. Then rose before 8 to catch a bus to DC
gellaho
And this book will not survive the night
Gentleman Brendan
It is BEAUTIFUL in the beltway, you'd never know it's august.
NYC too.
public jakesy no. 1
All we know about Ethan Daly is that he is set in multiple ways
Heavy
Deep
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Frank feels that way about people meeting with him a lot for some reason.
FancyShark
Collector's
public jakesy no. 1
Might be John Daly's cousin
Who knows
gellaho
"Why are you children here, anyway?"
public jakesy no. 1
Lol
LyraV
Like this.
public jakesy no. 1
Secret underbrush cameras
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Kenya's the one with lions, right?" said Frank.
gellaho
Are you children having fun?
LyraV
Whoa right to the poachers.
FancyShark
"Joe, keep your hands above the desk"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
For a second I thought they were gonna use that chainsaw on its legs and such and I was like "Hell yeah, this one is dark.......oh no its just tusks."
gellaho
YOU TELL THAT SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD ALL THE GRUESOME DETAILS
Gentleman Brendan
I hate people.
gellaho
These are some real names
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yes because this private detective from North America and his teen sons are expertly qualified to rescue a government agent and defeat poachers.
Great idea congressman.
public jakesy no. 1
I mean can you point to a congressman who's ever had a better idea?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
JUST LIKE THE TIME YOU VOTED TO CONTINUE FUNDING FOR THE F-35!
gellaho
, maaaaaaaaaaaan
FancyShark
Someone saw an elephant getting chainsawed and thought "If only that elephant's skull was unbreakable. If only it was unkillable. But where could I find such a person?"
gellaho
, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Gentleman Brendan
Frank grabbed a passing Kenyan and shook him roughly "WHERE. IS. IVORY POACHING MARKET. ME: AMERICAN."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The agent was disappeared by poachers with high caliber rifles and chainsaws. Best case scenario you don't need to retrieve the body with a mop.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Congresspeople exist for the important grown ups in the senate to have someone to bully, its fine.
gellaho
I mean, when has something been labeled a "compound" ever been bad
public jakesy no. 1
The correct response was:
FancyShark
Rosalyn Bodine was so close to a rhyming name
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I'm calling it now: Rosalyn is a redhead.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
My redhead senses are tingling in anticipation.
Gentleman Brendan
"Joe gulped. The forbidden flame of Olympus!"
gellaho
I can almost guarantee that the last visit was also, Frank
Gentleman Brendan
Pandora was a redhead, this I know.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
She's suspect because she always recommends amputating tusks.
public jakesy no. 1
I'm going to hazard a guess that there are not many redheads in Kenya
gellaho
Sounding more like a cult now
Gentleman Brendan
Africa's not exotic. It's humanity's BIOS setting. Everywhere else is exotic!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Dr Bodine graciously allows volunteers to pay to work on her compound."
Gentleman Brendan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbYtASAakAI
FancyShark
Frank and Joe are going to find out that Bodine is South African for "Moreau"
gellaho
"Hold on, let me threaten this teen first"
gellaho
FancyShark
Daly says the same thing when welcoming people to brunch
public jakesy no. 1
So says DALY
Gentleman Brendan
She merges humans with animals to make brutes, like a frenchman with a rhino, this American with a giraffe, and the original third Hardy brother with Joe.
gellaho
No way in hell Joe studied shit
public jakesy no. 1
Lol
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I mean more often than not people in the wild just get dysentery.
public jakesy no. 1
Joe spend a few hours mastering Swahili. He was ready to go
FancyShark
Joe learned that Swahili for cow is "moo" and Swahili for dog is "woof"
gellaho
Lotta unfortunate looking men in this one
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe actually just rented The Gods Must Be Crazy and watched it like ten times
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Me. Joe. Am. American. Love B U R G E R."
FancyShark
Not a bad move, honestly
"One word about Jellical cats and I'll skin you all"
gellaho
How dare he not take this seriously
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Some Kenyan dude wearing head to toe leather and a cowboy hat starts asking about heavy metal in perfect English.
Or Chinese dramas.
public jakesy no. 1
Jellicoe, eh
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"I'd recruit there myself, but I'm not allowed within 500 yards of a school."
FancyShark
Jellicoe is going to turn out to be an ape wrangler
gellaho
The next morning, sustinance must be procured
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Jellicoe is not a real smoker, I've never seen a single one toss a smoke after a few puffs.
That shit is real expensive.
public jakesy no. 1
The pineapple makes it exotic
Gentleman Brendan
I can't believe Joe gives Chet shit.
FancyShark
Especially after getting his sister killed
Gentleman Brendan
I eat like Joe and I never chide my fatter friends. Food's just good times!
gellaho
HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT THE CONSUMPTION
FancyShark
"Is it because of the slurs he called you?"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe hisses and flaps his wings and prepares to vomit on the customs agent.
Gentleman Brendan
The name's Joe Frosin, Agent of ICE
gellaho
First stop: petting zoo
FancyShark
"Be cool. One of these goats is our contact."
gellaho
☑️ Suspicious Redhead
FancyShark
Frank was also put off by the surveillance van that was following him a few feet back
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe gets distracted and pulls a bloody stump out of the giraffe's mouth
LyraV
Jellicoe sounds like a popsicle brand.
gellaho
In literature, Ireland must be the size of China
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Fairs fair, feeding giraffes is rad.
gellaho
Those Kiwis and their Asian contacts
gellaho
FancyShark
"No, wait, says here the fruit. Weird."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oddly enough her father? A small flightless bird.
gellaho
Studied in some of the Asian countries
What do I look like, an intelligence agent?
FancyShark
lol
gellaho
Clues already? I don't know how to feel about this
Gentleman Brendan
I'm always impressed when the Hardy boys can hack a bank system but don't know who kiwis are.
public jakesy no. 1
Money? Of the….INSURANCE variety?
FancyShark
IT'S ALWAYS THE POACHING INSURANCE MONEY!
gellaho
Well, Frank can do the first thing. Joe's a moron
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Abe Lincoln has the best intelligence."
gellaho
I think you're a number-two person, Joe
FancyShark
African, huh? From the country of Africa?
gellaho
It is illegal for redheads to stay still in Kenya after all
FancyShark
Frank, that man is dead
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Hyenas can smell a redhead from a mile off, his days are numbered.
gellaho
Looking like Fenton fucked off already
FancyShark
"That...doesn't change anything"
Gentleman Brendan
Designer sneakers! I thought Bayport was a middle-class enclave. :stomps off in a huff, my designer sneakers squeaking with each pouty stomp:
gellaho
Frank's plan to ambush a redhead in sunglasses goes awry
FancyShark
I love how often they meet people this way
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They didn't realize that shrub was occupied.
gellaho
Time to play GUESS THE ANTICLIMAX. How is this resolved?
FancyShark
I'm going to guess it's Oyamo
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
The boys are annoying enough im not surprised someone has a gun on them again, but am surprised that they have lived so long nobody has just pulled the trigger.
gellaho
If you guessed Dad Prank, congratulations
FancyShark
Fenton pulls the trigger
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Fenton.........jesus.
"This is why we are banned from Disneyland for life, Dad."
gellaho
Don't the sunglasses make that a little pointless
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Dad's hilarious pranks have resulted in multiple lawsuits from coworkers.
FancyShark
Fenton then removes his face
Gentleman Brendan
Fenton fixing to get macheted by his own blood.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
So Fenton has like a secret family, right?
FancyShark
At least one
gellaho
Fenton shows up just to say he's leaving
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
He gets all disguised up just to pretend to pull a gun on his sons, he HAS to have at least one.
FancyShark
Mombasa is actually in the Atoll region. Fenton's going to be atomized
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Ooooh are we foreshadowing a chimp mauling Frank or falling in love with Joe?
gellaho
Sleeenderrrr
FancyShark
She's not shy. She knows that getting near Joe means death
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Dontmakeeyecontactdontmakeeyecontact."
gellaho
Young people must always be slender or Chet
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
She's definitely been warned about the Hardys.
gellaho
Must be in the Hardy Boys style guide to not put the lady "e" on blonde
FancyShark
But only appear to be kind
She pick up a kitten and bites off its head before tossing the rest in the dirt
gellaho
What a weird list
Gentleman Brendan
OR IS SHE FENTON IN DISGUISE
You spotted the clue, junior sleuths!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
No, Joe. She just doesnt find a pair of teen dickheads very interesting.
Gentleman Brendan
"Frank, now that we have made love, I have something to tell you. You have failed to discern your own father. I am disappointed in you. I thought I'd taught you better."
gellaho
Yet, Joe learned Swahili
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Shes a scientist, and you are dumb enough to pay HER to come and WORK FOR HER. What does she have to talk about with you?
gellaho
Also, you too good for corn, ghostwriter?
"Hey, Frank? Shut the fuck up"
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe......you are an idiot.
I know you know what a grassy plain looks like Joe. You're from America, we have those.
gellaho
The driveway gave out many gifts and compliments
gellaho
"Uh, excuse me, it's a veld"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yeah why would it look like an old plantation, Frank? Hmmmmmm?
FancyShark
It's not because that's where plants come from
gellaho
Lion King? Never heard of it
gellaho
Both came out in 1994, so who's to say
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Keesha is breaking the number 1 rule, which is "Do not talk to or encourage talk with Frank or Joe."
FancyShark
oh man, I hope a ton of these books were sold because kids wanted more Lion King
gellaho
Still thinking cult
FancyShark
"Prayer circle is at four. All belongings are to be burned by sundown"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The hardys get suspicious when everyone's chores are just whittling tusks down into piano keys.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Army style means they have privacy blinds for when you need to masturbate.
Just kidding you have to just ignore the masturbating.
gellaho
Seems safe
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Privacy when masturbating is for officers.
gellaho
Look out, Callie
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
ELEPHANT MANGLING!
CMON ELEPHANT MANGLING!
Gentleman Brendan
So what do these scientists do for fun after a long day of work? "Mostly shoot billiards, snooker, fasten handle platings to revolvers, carve cameo brooches..."
Rafiki shuddered and trumpeted in anger. Joe had no soul.
gellaho
Such exotic creatures
And badgers
FancyShark
Oyamo then threw one of the kittens to the vulture
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe wakes up with a honey badger gnawing his eyes because you cant really keep them in cages.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oyamo then invites them back to the mess hall for jackal steaks.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Or stop them from gnawing your eyes.
LyraV
Calling someone a limping jackal is a dope insult.
gellaho
Very smooth, Oyamo
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oyamo and Lincoln had a brief but torrid affair that ended badly.
FancyShark
I know it's a book, but it feels like the director just told Oyamo "okay, in this scene, you want to leave. ACTION!"
gellaho
It's like some kind of moving rope. What could that be?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
SNEK!
DANGER NOODLE!
Give it pets!
FancyShark
"I like the left side of the bed, if that's okay"
public jakesy no. 1
Told you guys
gellaho
Back to the fun times for the kids
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank, having a snake in your bed is no big deal. Just dont roll over on it and you will find it a rather pleasing experience.
gellaho
Sleep well, children
public jakesy no. 1
Hmmm stiff snake in bed you say
Frank that's not a snake
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I had a Burmese python that would escape from her tank and get in bed with me, its only unsettling the first time.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I've read this James Bond novel
FancyShark
Snakes often move around with jaws agape
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
look we all know how to deal with this
gellaho
I guess Frank gave up on the "being silent" thing
FancyShark
"Put it in your bed!"
"Goddammit, Joe!"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank, just use one hand to strip your pillow of its case and deposit the snake therein. Stop being such a drama queen.
gellaho
Weird detail, ghostwriter. You're on notice
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You used a wastebasket? You wiener.
FancyShark
That sounds like something a noir detective would say about infidelity
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Your puff adder decided to go for a stroll in another man's garden, see?"
gellaho
"Oy, wots all this, mate?"
FancyShark
"Blimey"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Okay this is racist. No way an Australian doesnt already check for snakes.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Damnit, scooped by slow typing
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Credit for not trying to write out the Australian accent
gellaho
I hope that's inches, because otherwise you are very unobservant
FancyShark
That's when they notice they're in a tent
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Someone in this compound has been reading Sherlock Holmes.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I'd be for putting a cover on the INSIDE of the hole before you sleep again.
gellaho
Surprising they didn't take the time to carefully rescrew the mesh after bing-bonging a snake at you
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
No.....no Joe, don't......don't put your dick in it.
Noooo there isnt food in there either, Joe.
NO THERE ISNT A NEST OF BEES, JOE. GO EAT BREAKFAST.
gellaho
Thanks for the sunrise update
gellaho
I was unaware how that went
Gentleman Brendan
Sometimes I think the ghost writers play this game to make it less boring.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It would be great if the snake was never explained.
FancyShark
NAAAAAASENTENYAAAAAA
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Or was just a random snake.
Or Joe did it.
As a goof.
FancyShark
Fenton did it
That prankster
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank is a robot anyway, he cant be envenomated.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Do they have distinct personalities?
gellaho
Dr. Bodine must have a mail-in doctorate
gellaho
Frank is a robot, Joe is a dumbass and misogynist
FancyShark
Okay, lady. But you're gonna be really bored.
gellaho
Also, Joe is an immortal
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
lol you got me lady I tried to snek myself
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Also also Joe is hungry and not just for sex, but also for burgers.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Immortan Joe?
FancyShark
Joe is hungry for food. He doesn't understand sex, but he does know he hates that women will not give him any
gellaho
But aren't they already spotted?
gellaho
gellaho
Heyo!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe thinks of sex as secret burgers that only women can give him and withhold.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
So they're Beavis and Butthead?
FancyShark
Dumber
And less likeable
gellaho
Bet kids loved this one
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Got it, thanks for catching me up
That is Swahili for dead cat
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe didn't get that far in his Swahili studies.
gellaho
Joe rushes headlong after the poachers (who killed the leopard with a tranquilizer?)
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It's great we have Keesha to translate these single words of Swahili.
gellaho
This is a great example of Joe's immortality
Gentleman Brendan
Don't worry, I gotchu fam: "Aii am THOAH, god of THUNDUH. Maii brothuh LOW-key is is a KEY-wee."
Gentleman Brendan
Immortan joe! IMMORTAN JOE!
FancyShark
WITNESS HIM!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
hahahaha that should have broken his fuckin neck!
gellaho
Just, a great old time for the kids
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Too bad it only voided his bowels.
FancyShark
Joe can't die because Death and Physics are women, and therefore repulsed by him
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
So it's a pit trap AND a rope trap?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Instead he just dusts himself off and bellows "MEDIOCRE!"
gellaho
Fucking unkillable
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yes tell us about Joes soft skin.
FancyShark
"Try it at home, kids!"
Gentleman Brendan
But it's Joe.
Gentleman Brendan
Actual premise of the original Infinity Gauntlet comics.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It's not weird at all for a brother to think about his brother and soft skin in the same context.
FancyShark
Especially not after a lynching
gellaho
"You kids have a lot of explaining to do"
Gentleman Brendan
WOAH don't get the wrong idea. They're not incest gays. Frank is going to wear Joe's skin and become him.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Falling victim to a murder trap, why?"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"you kids ruined my noose pit!"
gellaho
This ghostwriter is horny for Oyamo
FancyShark
"Didn't you see the signs? Poachers all over the place outside the fence!"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
"I told you to stop playing pranks!"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
S...should eyes ever be described as "milky"?
Gentleman Brendan
Oyamo has cataracts.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Razor's edge of racism there
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Ooooof no wonder he works for Bodine, hes saving up for eye surgery.
gellaho
That's not his name
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
RANGER POPE!
gellaho
In a book of ridiculous names, I refuse Pope Rawji
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ranger Pope is his title.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Pontifex Rangerus Rawji.
FancyShark
Part of the Pope Action Figure Collection
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Second best pope after Turtle Pope.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They didn't recognize him without his bush mitre.
gellaho
I skipped over Oyamo being sensitive about the Masai, but dude's ready to kill for any slight
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It's pronounced Poh-pay
Gentleman Brendan
Keesha whispered to Joe: "jambo means 'Check out these dorky ofays.' "
gellaho
You're fucking weird, ghostwriter
Gentleman Brendan
Dude, I will wash an elephant every day of my life.
gellaho
Really fucking weird
Gentleman Brendan
That's not a task, that's a chance to be happy.
I thought flapping ears was aggression.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yeah I'm pretty sure it is.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The elephant is trying to slip a note that says 'help me' into Frank's pocket.
FancyShark
Sammy wants them dead
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Joe's gonna be jealous if Frank gets an elephant handy first
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
When an elephant flirts its usually by giving you a trunk job.
gellaho
Sexually aggressive
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Or twirling its penis.
You know, elephants can use their penis as a kickstand? Its rad.
gellaho
"You genius detectives couldn't figure that out by how he reacted every time Masai came up?"
gellaho
FancyShark
Suddenly, Frank has an epiphany. They were in Africa!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
That explains EVERYTHING
gellaho
This elephant is going to end up killing for Frank
FancyShark
At least this Callie will be more durable
gellaho
"What? It's not like Oyamo was weird about Lincoln before or anything!"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Of course CHRIS LINCOLN, Frank. Who did you think we were talking about? Abraham? Todd?"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
MASTERS OF SUBTLETY
gellaho
I'm sure Frank's acting is what attracted the elephant
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Frank, what do you think we are discussing right now? No, let him talk..........No Frank, we aren't looking for a doctor to dig around in a president's guts for a bullet."
Gentleman Brendan
You mean you don't?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Mine's just not sturdy enough to bear my weight for very long, and I'm afraid of bending it and it sticking at a 90 degree angle.
gellaho
"Hey, Frank? Shut the fuck up"
Gentleman Brendan
This book feels like a long setup to talk shit about the Masai.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Sammy wonders if it's worth mentioning that one of the lions coughed up a belt buckle with a CL monogram on it a few days ago.
gellaho
His popemobile?
FancyShark
GET THEM!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Note how it doesnt mention both the old man and the teen boy are wearing basketball jerseys and Nikes.
gellaho
For the Rex Moran fans out there
FancyShark
Fuck yes
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Like, with his bare hands?
FancyShark
No. With his teeth. It needs to be fair.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Because Katie Goldin already established that's a bad idea
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I believe you get a pointed stick.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I know— wheelbarrow
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Tho to be fair I dont know, maybe theyve used rifles for years.
FancyShark
Book can't look it up, I'm not going to
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Also that's fucked up, the lion didn't do anything to him
Yet
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It's not for us to know, I mean that would require us to have some kind of huge data network that spans continents and contains the sum total of human knowledge and dialogue, that would be crazy.
gellaho
Instant translation software installed in the child
gellaho
Apparently they have to use some kind of rad knife
FancyShark
Frank using the past tense of "live", hoping to see a corpse
gellaho
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
He knew the white guy's hut because it sucked
FancyShark
Butter knife. Carving knife. Lion knife.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Knives are just really short pointed sticks.
gellaho
Case closed. Only one person is allowed to smoke the same brand of cigarettes
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Oh Frank
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Way to ruin a villages tanning for the year, Frank.
FancyShark
Now the cowhides are ruined
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You ass.
FancyShark
lol, scooped
gellaho
Apparently, Lincoln decided to not write in English
gellaho
gellaho
For no reason
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
We need a cigarette warning on this book
Gentleman Brendan
Frank recognized the language. It was Foreigner!
FancyShark
HOT BLOODED! CHECK IT A-
oh wait
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It felt like the first time
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
HEAD GAAAAMES!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Frank wants to know what love is
HE WANTS YOU TO SHOW HIM
gellaho
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN BROTHER? WE MUST CONSUME
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
SHUT THE FUCK UP FRANK!
FancyShark
Half of Africa will be lost to the Hardy Abyss before they're done
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You had a chance for some real character development!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They're having the lion that tenga's cousin killed last week.
gellaho
There's the stupid Joe I know
FancyShark
It's written backwards
Please say it's written backwards
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It doesn't look like any language joe knows, which narrows it down to all of them.
Gentleman Brendan
Oyama burst into the tent: WHO? Who has taken my diary? Maybe I will share YOUR dream-poetry with the people to laugh at!
Gentleman Brendan
DIDN'T I SAY
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
He holds up the book to the computer and says "COMPUTER. TRANSLATE"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Cut to five minutes later Joe is ramming the clue into Franks ear and screaming "ANALYZE IT, ROBOT!"
gellaho
Frank and Joe decide it's a good idea to go looking for poachers by themselves
FancyShark
Because it worked so well last time
Gentleman Brendan
Bullshit they had a computer that could OCR Swahili in '94
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yes, looking for adult men with firearms in Africa in the dark. Great idea, boys.
Gentleman Brendan
OCR didn't get good till 2009, corporate, then 2014, smartphones
gellaho
I AM INVINCIBLE!!!
FancyShark
Someday a Highlander is going to show up to challenge Joe and this will all make sense
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Uh.....Frank? I think one of those guys has an M60!"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Oh no, I have to drive home, CLIFFHANGER
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is taking it on the chin today.
gellaho
FUCK YOU, I CANNOT DIE!
gellaho
JOE SMASH!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
That poacher probably has a 50\50 chance of having some antique bolt action or an AK-47
gellaho
"Jesus, you rangers suck"
FancyShark
"They also called us names and dumped our books"
gellaho
Is this your first day on the job, Pope?
FancyShark
Yeah, you're totally up to fighting poachers
Mati was better equipped
Gentleman Brendan
Keesha sidled up to Joe, and murmured, "White savior is actually a derogatory term."
gellaho
Ah, Rosalyn is a sociopath. Got it
FancyShark
Oh hell. She's Lady Frank
gellaho
Joe's finally lost it
FancyShark
Treebeard doesn't understand the hate
Gentleman Brendan
If caring more about leopards than Hardys makes you a sociopath, then you might as well call me a sociopath, too.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Okay I'm home, did Joe die?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
She was worried their pelts might have been damaged.
gellaho
You should know the answer is no
FancyShark
Nope. Yelled at a monkey though
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I was feeling optimistic
Monkeys are dicks, I'm okay with that
gellaho
Can you figure out the message, kids?
gellaho
BRING ME THE FEMALES
Gentleman Brendan
"Maybe Keesha can decipher. I don't speak African." --Joe
gellaho
Could this have to do with the Operation: Phoenix from the cover?
gellaho
No way to know
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Nope
FancyShark
"Building immortal birds since 1965"
gellaho
The parade of hideous middle aged men continues
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
No thats just a CIA front for funneling money to anticommunist warlords. Nothing suspicious there.
Gentleman Brendan
"burned down in '75...reopened in 77"
gellaho
MORE UGLY MEN! MORE!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"NO! YOU BUY! TEN SHILLING!"
gellaho
FATTER! UGLIER!
FancyShark
Criminals in the Hardy universe must think guns are knives
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
If you say you're in the import export business I just assume you're a smuggler.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Yeah this is all a CIA op, way to get in the way of FREEDOM Hardy Boys
gellaho
"BUT, BROTHER, WE CANNOT BE KILLED!"
"NOT YET, BROTHER. THEIR TIME HAS NOT ARRIVED"
FancyShark
They haggle hard here
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This is a very elaborate Fenton prank.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"NOW WHAT DID I TELL YOU BOYS ABOUT MANGOES?"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ten. Shillings.
FancyShark
"I'm giving you nine, no matter how many fingers you take"
gellaho
THE TIME IS NOW, BROTHER!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Also thats a little less than ten dollars for a MANGO!
Fuckin highway robbery!
Gentleman Brendan
I mean, if you're going to announce that plan, I say you've just incentivized the stunts.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Someone saw Raiders of the Lost Ark, probably
Gentleman Brendan
"Don't make a scene, please come with us to where we can kill you."
gellaho
DEATH IS FOR PUNY HUMANS, BROTHER!
Gentleman Brendan
Only now, with death all around him, was Joe finally alive.
Alright, Chinese is here. #savepoint
Mister Shark, you know your mission.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I've always planned to tell my kidnappers "No, you just go ahead and splatter my brain all over the interior of this car or this street. Just FYI doing that will vastly increase the chances of you getting caught because you'll be covered in blood and smell like a slaughterhouse, but that wont be my problem."
FancyShark
gellaho
Weirdly squished Angel there
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I hope they run into some hippos.
FancyShark
Yeah. Boreanaz compresses odd
gellaho
"Hey, Joe? Shut the fuck up"
gellaho
I don't need this from both of you
FancyShark
Joe is in full "Year in Tibet" mode
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe......I hope that guy shoots you in the face.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe Is coming back to America with some very problematic clothes and art.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
And only now do I really know the full meaning of that Dawn of War quote about hope.
gellaho
The Hardys arrive back exactly where they were, as if time didn't pass. As if this were a video game
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
They triggered the cut scene
FancyShark
"I'm sorry for the delay at the airport you cannot enter"
gellaho
"I, Rashid, am 90% cigarette smoke"
FancyShark
Like, his pupils dilated?
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
NOTHING EVIL HERE
FancyShark
Did the molly just hit?
gellaho
I apologize for saying Dr. Bodine got a mail-in doctorate before
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He's got those contact lenses that darken in the sunlight.
gellaho
She definitely got a mail-in Carribean doctorate
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"They changed color as the Arabic eye is wont to do." Said Frank in the police inquiry.
FancyShark
If she's not planning on dissecting them, she's really bad at noticing warning signs
gellaho
You really shouldn't be staying at the White Castle Hotel and Resort then, doctor
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Uh......Doctor Bodine, thats really insensitive. We have an absentee father, you need to maybe check your parent having privilege."
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
"We got shot at with bull -- fights. Bullfights."
Dr. Bodine shakes her head. "I pity your parents."
FancyShark
"I'll have artichoke hearts"
"HEARTS ARE MEAT"
gellaho
I don't believe you
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"I'm a stereotypical vegetarian, so I will make you conform to my ethical standards."
FancyShark
That famous African tuna salad
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
'the Victorian influence' is an interesting euphemism for imperialism.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"The irony of that escapes me, because my diet is deficient in iron."
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I ate zebra when I was in Africa
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Zebra seems like it would be fuckin tasty.
FancyShark
That's why you were thrown out of the zoo?
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
But leave it to them to order canned tuna
gellaho
I mean, I'm no lemon expert, but
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It was thirty years ago, I don't remember what it tasted like
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
And lemonade, when they could be drinking something cool.
Like sweet tea.
FancyShark
They should be eating sesame cake
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Or zebra blood
gellaho
How dare you boys try suicide pranks in my compound!
FancyShark
"How dare you try to die before paying me to stay here!"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Ooooh look at me, I eat so many cool things I can forget the taste of exotic equine!" 😁
gellaho
I'm thinking secret redhead now
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Those mischievous kids
FancyShark
"I only hire cowards. Explain yourselves."
gellaho
I'm on to you, lady
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Good descriptive writing there
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The part of Joe's brain responsible for self preservation has been mashed into a fine paste.
gellaho
Maybe secret bovine
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Never trust salad eaters
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Her hair wasnt blond, it was painted with a reflective substance to protect her from the rays of the sun! SHE WAS A REDHEAD ALL ALONG!"
FancyShark
I dunno. I enjoy eating a good tossed salad
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Who knows what else they eat at AIRPORTS THEY AREN'T ALLOWED IN
gellaho
This made me laugh out loud
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Zing
gellaho
That wine sip got me
Got me good
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Hahahahahaha, oh well Doctor Bodine, at least its still the 90s and you can have a little hope left.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Rosalyn finishes her wine, looks at the Hardys, and orders a double Scotch, neat.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I'll be honest, this is making me want to watch one of the really racist seventies Roger Moore Bond flicks
gellaho
Lot of unnecessary details in here
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Lol pay phones.
FancyShark
"Damn these people that prioritize luxury over preservation," she said before eating her ortolan
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Also Frank is suprised Fenton picked up, he usually ignores their calls.
gellaho
If only he had teen backup
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Phrasing, Frank.
FancyShark
Frank then shrugged and ordered more food
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"TELL MY IDIOT SONS I WENT TO LUNCH AND WONT BE BACK UNTIL NEXT WEEK!" Frank usually hears in the background.
gellaho
"That fucking sexy-ass ostrich leg"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Fenton?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
His cover, which might be blown by, say...........his sons calling him?
And asking for him by name?
Also BABOON FLU!
FancyShark
"Anyone want a diseased baboon? I have a crippled ostrich if you prefer"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
BABFLUUN!
GET THOSE HARDY BOYS DISEASED WITH APE INFLUENZA!
gellaho
If the kids weren't caught up in the animal violence, we'll be sure to get them with government red tape!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Hmm, I bet that's not gonna come back to bite her
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You.......Doc Bo........YOU SHOULD BE QUITE FAMILIAR WITH THIS!
FancyShark
I dunno, lady. You're the one that's been dealing with this for years.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Like the paperwork is where your whole deal lives and dies and YOU CANT BE ASSED?!
No wonder you are broke af.
gellaho
What a seemless plan
FancyShark
If she looked at the top of the forms, she'd see the Hormel logo
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
OH NO
gellaho
Look, she's drunk off her ass on wine
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It came back IMMEDIATELY
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"OH GOD MY WINE SODDEN ASS!" She yelled as Karma spun around again.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This whole thing could have been avoided if the doctor could be bothered to read.
FancyShark
Or even check her damn signature
Sometimes you have to press hard to get the writing to go through
gellaho
Rafiki can be trusted because she's into Frank
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Her doctorate is on a post it note
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Elephants keep secrets well regardless, but you dont wanna cross them.
As they never forget blackmail material.
FancyShark
"So, Frank, you uncover that smuggling ring I gestured you towards?" Rafiki asked in her native language
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
What if the elephant is the secret bad guy
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Elephants will walk five hundred miles or more to blackmail someone.
FancyShark
That would rule
gellaho
We don't normally let her enjoy luxuries like peanuts
gellaho
After all, the phrase "selling for peanuts" means an exorbitant sum
FancyShark
"She's never socialized with other elephants or learned to fend for herself. It should be hilarious."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"I'm pretty sure Rafiki thinks she is a really big rhinocerous too."
gellaho
Hey, ghostwriter, please stop
FancyShark
"She tore a child in half this morning. We think she's excited."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Hey, you remember when she picked up that one kid from Brooklyn and threw him like a hundred feet into the crocodile enclosure? Boy were we surprised."
FancyShark
"She trampled the lady that came to give her fresh water yesterday. She must've been very thirsty!"
gellaho
Beasts of all ages
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
That birthmark isn't gonna come into play again probably
FancyShark
A-ages?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Rosalyn is spectacularly unobservant to what's happening in her compound.
FancyShark
Rosalyn's ancestral name is Magoo
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
She's deeply self absorbed
gellaho
She may be trying to kill herself
FancyShark
"Why is she telling the elephant to kill?"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Rosalyn Bodine, elephant whisperer
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Hahaha I've watched videos of people releasing elephants into a herd and you dont stand between the herd and the new arrival, Doctor Bodine is asking for a trampling.
gellaho
She pushed the elephant forward?
FancyShark
Dr. Bodine is secretly the Hulk
gellaho
STAMPEDE
FancyShark
Oh no, how will they ever get out of this
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Well that is one way to murder some people.
FancyShark
Worked for Scar
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
My bet is they escape via elephant ride.
gellaho
Random phone screen today oddly appropriate
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Not gonna lie tho if the Hardy Boys go on a Farcry 4 elephant rampage that would be fucking sweet.
gellaho
You'll occasionally get some good writing out of these
FancyShark
Dang, that IS good
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Suddenly the Hardys are rescued by poachers who gun down the elephants in their path
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
When did they go to a metal show
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Well played, ghost writer.
FancyShark
"We've been trying to warn people about how dangerous these animals are!"
gellaho
Bringing up the intensity for the kiddos
FancyShark
That's right, kids. Dumbo lied to you
gellaho
Whew, that was close. Almost impossibly so
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Must go faster. Must go faster.
FancyShark
SHUT UP SHUT UP
gellaho
Rad
FancyShark
How dare this book get good
gellaho, did you switch books on us?
gellaho
I WILL LIVE FOREVER
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Yeah this is a solid action scene
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Has Dr. Bodine ever been happy?
FancyShark
Once, when she had wine
gellaho
Colorful
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Get blasted on Kenyan box wine before they explain themselves, Doc.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Billowing
gellaho
How do the branches help exactly?
gellaho
Hold on, let me get some kindling to stop this fire
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
LET'S GO SAVE SOME MOTHER FATHER ANIMALS
FancyShark
I assume the branches smack the fire and give it ouchies until it moves where they want
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
YIPPE KI YAY MISTER FALCON!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Venture Brothers was barely an exaggeration, huh
gellaho
That thick fucking hose
FancyShark
Thicc and smoldering
gellaho
WE SHALL FILL OUR STOMACHS WITH HUMAN SUSTINANCE
FancyShark
Nothing like the smell of meat cooking
Sorry, Rosalyn
And the slower animals
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I mean once they are dead the only ethical choice is to eat every bit of them.
gellaho
Sammy is the cutest li'l Kenyan
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
God you could make a HUGE sausage from elephants.............
FancyShark
Sammy lives in a thimble
gellaho
YOU WANNA LIVE FOREVER, SAMMY!?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Tee hee hee, Sammy I bee, now answer me these riddles three!"
FancyShark
I don't know if it's the way gellaho is selling it or the writing itself, but the Hardys fucking rule this time
gellaho
How many letters do you think they got for this book?
gellaho
This is a bold way to start a three part arc of a children's series
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This ghostwriter realized the Hardys work when the adults rightfully think they are spoiled idiots.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"We brought this from America!" - Pulls tarp off a .50 cal bolted to the back of the jeep.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Oh no
gellaho
Spoke too soon
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Aw now Im sad.
FancyShark
The fact that Joe, Immortal Engine of Headbutts and Herald of Explosions, is getting angry is way more rad with this writer
gellaho
Holy shit
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
AND NOW FRANK KNOWS THE BLOOD HUNGER!
gellaho
Frank will never love again
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
LET LOOSE THE HOUNDS OF VENGEANCE!
FancyShark
With Frank, it's a cold, calculated rage. They were screwed when Joe was angry. Now they're fucked
gellaho
J/k, Frank cannot understand hu-man emotions
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This is the darkest Hardy boys book we've done yet, including the one where Joe's girlfriend explodes.
FancyShark
dammit, Frank
gellaho
It's fucking wild
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I REMEMBER THE ONE WHERE JOE'S GIRLFRIEND EXPLODES
that messed me up as a kid
FancyShark
And including the "make Frank think his girlfriend got cut in half by a medieval trap"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Frank dips his fingers in rafiki's blood and smears it on his cheeks.
gellaho
Frank's computer brain cannot understand
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Okay I dont believe Frank could have a girlfriend who isnt an elephant.
FancyShark
Callie is going to be heartbroken when she hears about Frank's "girlfriend in Kenya"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
And then confused when it isnt the girl named Keesha.
gellaho
We haven't actually done Casefiles #1, but we have done #4 where she's cloned. But that clone survives
FancyShark
oh shit, what if Callie put out the hit on Rafiki?
gellaho
And #80 where she's cloned again, but as a spooky ghost
Shits wild
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
How many of these have you done?
FancyShark
This is our 70th one
or something
gellaho
However many this is https://gellaho.com/book_series/4-the-hardy-boys-casefiles
FancyShark
sorry, this is the 70th book cage reading, not Hardy book
LyraV
Awesome.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I didn't think this would dredge up so many buried childhood memories
LyraV
Happy 70th!
gellaho
"She has completely lost the ability to understand humans anymore"
FancyShark
Brendan better get back here soon. He's not going to believe us when we tell him what he missed
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I genuinely could not believe they blew up Joe's girlfriend
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I'm so glad I get to come to these as an adult, as a kid I would have read a couple pages and not appreciated them at all.
gellaho
Awesome memories I assume
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
So much trauma
gellaho
How dare you write Joe to figure this out
FancyShark
Who could have predicted the man would use Swahili when he's a native speaker of Swahili?!
gellaho
"But that doesn't mean anything"
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
In the country where the main language seems to be Swahili? Nonsense.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Who would have thought they wouldn't speak American in Africa?
gellaho
I'm pretty sure Chris Lincoln was not a native speaker
FancyShark
hahahaha, the whole code was a setup to another burn on the Masai
gellaho
U.S. Customs Agent Lincoln
FancyShark
oh,
my bad
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Soon those poachers will speak fluent "Getting their asses whooped by American teens"
FancyShark
Joe and Frank are gonna teach them American for "fucking you up"
gellaho
Frank didn't even study Swahili, the fuck is happening
FancyShark
It's eating more hamburgers
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"YOU BASTARDS KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND!" "Wait....we did what? Who?"
FancyShark
Joe's brain is like a network file share. Frank just downloads any new info routinely
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe's fluency in Swahili is determined by what the plot requires at this moment.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Ghost writer forgot who was good at Swahili
gellaho
Chris was posing as a photographer, why'd he have a video camera?
gellaho
I know what video cameras were like in 1994
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Bigger than the bus
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Lincoln used a cipher so simple two partially educated teens figured it out in a spare minute between elephant massacres.
No wonder he's probably dead.
FancyShark
I guess if you had a video camera in that time, you didn't need a blunt instrument for self defense
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I thought the whole reason they were in Africa is because they knew Lincoln got caught taking pictures of poachers.
This isn't a revelation
FancyShark
lol, they just discovered they caught up to the starting point
gellaho
Now the writer's doing it. Just say village
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Lincoln discovered poachers poaching. We know this
Gentleman Brendan
I'm back! Shark me
FancyShark
@Gentleman Brendan , your timing is impeccable
You missed a legit awesome scene
gellaho
Kids are going to love this
FancyShark
First, Rosalyn is not paying attention to how the smugglers are getting her signature on transferring illegal animals via carbon paper
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
You basically left to use the bathroom during this book's equivalent of the Raiders truck chase
FancyShark
Then they let Rafiki loose to be with other elephants
Then a fucking stampede happened and there was actual tension
gellaho
Is this what Hardy Boys books are like in the UK?
gellaho
Just bloody as fuck
Gentleman Brendan
Quick, man! Forego the bafflechanter and tell me if apes have fought laser rifles! Hump yourself!
FancyShark
FUCK!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Damn
FancyShark
The friendly elephant got murdered by bullets, along with the other elephants!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
This book goes hard
gellaho
It's the Swedes! I knew it!
Gentleman Brendan
I'm honestly glad I missed that.
gellaho
There's a reason Swedish Fish are red
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
RED WITH THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT!
FancyShark
Now Joe and Frank deciphered the code book and realized the thing they already knew that the guy that disappeared was taking pictures!
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It was like the last scene of The Cove
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Okay between the snake thing and identifying people by what they smoke, this ghost writer read a bunch of Sherlock Holmes before writing this.
gellaho
Kids survived 63 previous Hardy Boys Casefiles, get that blood in there
FancyShark
This book is so much darker than the other Hardy books we've read
Joe...dammit...
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Scuzzballs
gellaho
I will remind everyone that Casefile #72 primarily involves counterfeit CDs
LyraV
Lots of blood and earlier the almost hanging.
gellaho
That's eight books after this
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe originally said "Motherfuckers" but the editor thought it was too much.
Gentleman Brendan
The book's law of only one human murdered per 2 books does not apply to animals
FancyShark
Joe's original dialogue made Tarantino say "Jesus, tone it down"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Let's follow elephant chainsaws with scuzzballs
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
The ghost writer REALLY REALLY held out for the swearing, saying it was "Tonally appropriate."
gellaho
They've been drugged again
FancyShark
It was just water. Screwed up Frank's circuitry
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
They're gonna develop a tranq addiction
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
It's funny, if they had just been killed by a burst of rifle fire, nobody would ever know they were there.
It's not like they left a note.
Gentleman Brendan
how many racial slurs is that?
gellaho
Maybe tone the imagery down, ghostwriter
gellaho
Also, why did someone steal Frank's shirt?
FancyShark
If they were blocked out, the whole page would be blank
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Ebay
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Proof of life for the ransom video.
Gentleman Brendan
He woke up in that vision from Black Panther, and learned Fenton killed his real father
gellaho
Fucking eagle scouts
Gentleman Brendan
I'm gonna hazard a guess Steven Grant wrote this one.
FancyShark
Frank's bashful about his GPS
gellaho
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank, everyone hates you and you disappear on the regular and dont come back, why would anyone look for you NOW?
Gentleman Brendan
I have that shirt.
gellaho
gellaho
That is a forty year old man
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
That's a face that belongs on a magazine cover fighting turtles.
FancyShark
The more of these covers I see, the more I'm convinced my step-dad was the prototype for every 90's step-dad
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
gellaho
Wocka Wocka
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
They just left them on the plains, then, huh? I mean.........way to be economical with your ammo, poachers but still............
JUST MACHINE GUN THE HARDY BOYS!
gellaho
Hey, kids! Imagine the burning and blistering bodies of Frank and Joe!
Gentleman Brendan
they could have just taken shelter and traveled by night
gellaho
Come on!
Do it!
FancyShark
"Save your bullets. The meerkats will eat well tonight."
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh god it actually did mention the "harsh African sun" beating on their "fair skin"
FancyShark
So of course you can see why their dad wanted them to help with this
gellaho
I'm sure their New England bodies are well developed for it
FancyShark
Rude
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
Jackals don't kill all Frank?
oh
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank......
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You are definitely antelope sized, Frank.
gellaho
Did Lincoln's mom write that?
gellaho
Also, imagine Lincoln's boney remains, kids!
FancyShark
They broke up with him on top of killing him?
gellaho
DO IT
gellaho
Does Lincoln count as a grass or ground-dwelling bird?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Yes.
FancyShark
At this point? Ground dwelling
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Corpses automatically count as birds.
gellaho
He can bury himself, the lazy piece of shit
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
You can sacrifice one to get three 1/1 Jackal tokens.
FancyShark
Sure. Leave him for the desert janitor
gellaho
It'll be well hidden behind all those non-leaves
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Lincoln is mostly jackal shit now anyway.
Gentleman Brendan
Birds have hollow bones. Bones have hollow bodies. It tracks.
FancyShark
Joe felt the burden of his whiteness
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They've gone a whole morning without consuming. They are close to death.
FancyShark
His "white man's burden", if you will
From the sun
gellaho
WAKE BROTHER, DO NOT LAZY AROUND
gellaho
As someone who tans easily, I will never understand the plight of the SPF-dependent
FancyShark
Please be the same bush they left the backpack
gellaho
True story: I've been stopped multiple times by older hispanic men who believed I was a distant nephew of theirs
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"TREES! BUSHES! JOE! THEY ARE ALL OUT TO GET ME! AIEEEEEEEEE!" Yelled Frank after he picked up that odd toad.
gellaho
Very bizarre
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Also I disagree with their assertion that their situation isn't funny.
gellaho
Joe wished for death
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
The vultures find it hilarious.
FancyShark
At last, Joe's immortality becomes a curse
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
This is like reading the screenplay for Gerry.
Gentleman Brendan
Or Swiss Army Man
gellaho
This is such a weird book
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Only I dont have hope Joe will strangle Frank.
Gentleman Brendan
Joe's kidney stones were worth it
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
YEAH! Drink that water! Its probably fine.
The gritty texture will filter out the shigella!
gellaho
NO REST
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Nancy Drew is thwarting a smuggling ring at an airport
gellaho
CONSTANT PERIL
This is up there with the best of the fucking best
FancyShark
So they were drugged. How much of this is them stumbling around a closet?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I mean that lion probably doesn't give a fuck about two idiot teens.
gellaho
Screamers, Dead of Night, the Fart Cannon one
FancyShark
Even better, this is PART ONE
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I am so excited by the fact theres a part two!
gellaho
Let's see how Frank gets out of this one
FancyShark
By book three, they're going to be making pungi sticks and slitting Russian throats to get their father out of a moon prison
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Had to feed cat, did they die or get miraculously rescued?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh you did the one thing you should never do when confronted with a lion. Run around and scream.
FancyShark
Nope. Attacked by a lion
Gentleman Brendan
Lions climb trees, but apparently only some, and in Uganda.
gellaho
In come the Masai to save the day and become A MAN
FancyShark
YES
YOU THOUGHT WE FORGOT THAT THREAD
gellaho
SLEEENDERRRR
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Fuck yeah, Tenga.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
HOTDOGGERS NEVER FORGET!
FancyShark
What?
Gentleman Brendan
This writer sure prioritizes the shade of everyone's African skintone
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Oh hey, its those two white kids I met a while back. What the fuck are you guys doing out here?"
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
My cat would've eaten them
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"No, dont drink all my water."
gellaho
The ghostwriter is into it
Wait, what
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Same
gellaho
We're not going to explain that? OK
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
Frank can't feel anything unless blood is in the offing. All emotion drained away with the lion's last gasp
gellaho
This is actually a fairly complicated concept to give children to wrestle with
gellaho
This book is weird
FancyShark
This book rules
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
He did kill that lion to save their lives
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Yeah it translates to something like "You stupid white asshole, I could go to prison for this so you better keep your mouth shut, colonizer."
gellaho
Frank thought, "I've stopped multiple nuclear calamities. Eat my ass"
FancyShark
This writer was told to write a Hardy Boys story for "older kids" and went fucking HAM
gellaho
So, what, five people? Based on the police force in the rest of the series anyway
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Since when does the doctor give a shit about the Hardys?
FancyShark
Mr. Bean is accident prone. These two are harbingers of chaos.
gellaho
Each major metropolitan area has one (1) cop
FancyShark
Usually Irish
Almost always too old for this shit
Gentleman Brendan
There was a guy in Alaska shot a bear charging him, and it turned out to be a mammoth hybrid of a grizzly/polar bear. He still had to go to court over it. Because it was part polar bear, so it was protected even though it looked like Satan's own grizzly when it's coming at you and the size of a sedan.
gellaho
I'm anticipating a maaaaaaaaaan
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
They know that missing white kids means the US is gonna be PISSED
gellaho
Why do people think you are dead?
Gentleman Brendan
Joefrank, two-faced god of pandemonium.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Bodine has been calling in particular because her lawyer told her "You know if those kids die its your fault, right?"
gellaho
You mean the Pope? Yeah, he's cool.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Bodine got in touch with Fenton and suddenly felt very protective of the boys.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"His mitre is a bit suspicious but his orb and scepter check out."
FancyShark
"We almost died in the desert, Dad."
"hahaha, gotcha again!"
Gentleman Brendan
Hello, poachers. This is...BENTON HARBLY, ivory trader.
gellaho
My summary of American Pie
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Wait. Did that kidnapping merchant bit go anywhere?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"I have come to purchase ONE illegal elephant tusks please."
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Oh Rusty
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Bustin makes Joe feel good, but he wont understand that joke.
FancyShark
"I speak the Crime Lingo, hep cattle!"
gellaho
YOU KIDS HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB TELLING ME MY PARTNER IS DEAD
Gentleman Brendan
Frank, a 19-year-old, is patronizing this middle-aged lawman who lost his best friend.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Yeah we just found some jackal shit, gnawed bones, and a dorks knapsack, did you know he had his name and address in New York written on it like a third grader?"
FancyShark
"I assume you have physical evidence of his killer and didn't leave it in the middle of the fucking desert?"
gellaho
What an unexpected result from ugly middle aged man #4
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe's like 'i get it, my girlfriend exploded '.
Gentleman Brendan
In many ways, she was like a partner to me.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
TWIST
gellaho
Jesus fucking Christ
FancyShark
Then she was many partners, if you think about it
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"RASHID? H-HOW?! WHY? WHEN?"
FancyShark
SPOUTING
gellaho
"He's OK, his head is just gushing blood"
Who needs blood in their head?
You name me one vital organ in the head
Just one, I dare ya
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He must have hit one of those head arteries.
FancyShark
It's fine. He just needs a hamburger
Gentleman Brendan
Rangers are useful to poachers. They know where all the elephants are.
Gentleman Brendan
Tongue.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Now tell me, Ranger Pope, where are you hiding the Gorilla Bishops?"
Gentleman Brendan
Literally the only sense that makes my life better instead of worse in this hellscape.
gellaho
Could there be a villain inside the compound? Unlikely
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Cardinal Giraffe has turned against you!"
gellaho
The living space not smelling up to your standards?
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Head wounds do bleed heavily
FancyShark
They suddenly see Rafiki, alive and collecting her payout
gellaho
An inside man? Impossible
FancyShark
They used carbon paper to dupe the veterinarian. Do you really need there to be a traitor?
Gentleman Brendan
No, there's some weird BO smell in my office and I can't place it. I think it's from the chair I got off craigslist but in a weird ambient way.
gellaho
Rashid is unaware that Joe is fueled by explosions
Gentleman Brendan
Keesha did it.
gellaho
He has not read Screamers
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh god Rashid you..........JUST SLIT THEIR GODDAM THROATS1
FancyShark
"Rashid! The jeeps are all out of gasoline!"
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
WHy are you trying to make it look like an accident NOW?!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Did they ever circle back to that cigarette clue in the Masai village?
gellaho
Screamers doesn't happen for 8 more books, but whatever
The fact that Screamers and Bad Rap are one after another is insane
Anyway, Rashid is horny for fire
FancyShark
This really seems to be the sweet spot for good Hardy books
Gentleman Brendan
and then they left, their task accomplished.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Leering?
Gentleman Brendan
gasoline on your skin isn't good regardless. they're going to need to shower quickly.
gellaho
Are we still having fun kids? Why are you crying?
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
What's Screamers?
FancyShark
Book about computers exploding from a computer virus
gellaho
Joe's immortality and bloodlust, all in one
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That sci Fi movie with Ron perlman?
FancyShark
QUICK! GET BODINE SOME WINE!
gellaho
One of the best books I've ever read https://gellaho.com/books/117-72-screamers
FancyShark
It was fucking awesome
gellaho
Did I cut the end of this paragraph for comedic effect or not? You'll never know
Gentleman Brendan
I don't remember screamers
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I maybe read that one when I was a kid?
FancyShark
Chicago. Museum of Science and Industry got wrecked by a pile of computers against one wall
Gentleman Brendan
did they splode?
FancyShark
ooohhhh yes
gellaho
JOE SMASH
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Was that the one that codified the exploding computer trope?
FancyShark
It was!
gellaho
At least 50 computers exploded due to a virus created by a lady college student
Gentleman Brendan
YESSSS
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Note Joe is the one with an attractive young woman slung over his shoulders and Frank is the one lugging a gnarled dude with milky eyes who doesnt like them.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Bodine chugs a bottle of wine and smashes through the door like Popeye on spinach.
gellaho
Who did it for protest reasons?
It's been a while
FancyShark
We should revisit that one someday
or at least read the transcript on gellaho's site
gellaho
We're having fun
gellaho
gellaho
That's what I said!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
lady, If you actually looked at the paperwork you sign..
FancyShark
Yep, one signature and you can move illegal animals wherever you please
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I'm beginning to think maybe Pope Rawji isnt as on the up and up and maybe the boys intensely non existent background check might be flawed.
gellaho
Stop being poetic, ghostwriter, it makes me feel weird
FancyShark
"I'll have to have two boxes of wine tonight"
Gentleman Brendan
the book never said WHOSE blood
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"we were going to tell you but assumed you would think it was another prank"
gellaho
JELLICOE!!!
gellaho
FancyShark
GASP
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
SHOCK!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Also the cigarette thing.
FancyShark
That too
gellaho
NOT DAD
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Chekhovs cigarrette! OF COURSE! IT LITERALLY SMOKES!
FancyShark
"Relax. Let's prank him."
gellaho
Not the character I've spent 27 books reading and I know almost nothing about!
Gentleman Brendan
Jellicoe traps come out at night
FancyShark
smash cut to Fenton getting his teeth pulled out with pliers, laughing at his kids' tomfoolery
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh no, what will they do without their dad's good natured attempts at mock execution?!
Gentleman Brendan
That line was GOLD! Shark will sit at my right hand in paradise.
gellaho
I don't know why 12:00 is important, but I'm not going to go back and check
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Joe flashes back to his eighth birthday, the first time Fenton pulled the trigger on the revolver and said "That could have been loaded."
It was the loudest click Joe had ever heard, but not for the last time.
gellaho
They have old wharfs in Africa?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Eventually joe realized that the jeep had a manual transmission.
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
He's buying ivory from poachers
gellaho
What is this, Time Blender?
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
At midnight
gellaho
Sick Michael Dorn burn
FancyShark
Ivory looks prettiest at high...midnight
gellaho
I don't think that's the phrase
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The moonlight glints of the piano keys just right.
FancyShark
"Wait, HE'S ACTUALLY DEAD!?"
<more sobbing>
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Try reading some of this dialogue out loud
gellaho
Just call me, Jake "The Snake" Jellicoe
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
It sounds very natural
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Was this ghost written by George Lucas?
FancyShark
"Trained that snake from a pup. Raised him on my own milk."
"You...don't know how animals work, do you?"
gellaho
Joe really wants to fuck Jellicoe
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Youd think a US government agent would just toss a grenade in the room but NOOOOOOO.
FancyShark
The...African police?
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Jellicoe hase to be all CLASSICAL.
gellaho
Look, none of it makes sense
FancyShark
Every villain wants to be Blofeld if they can't be the Joker
gellaho
Jellicoe and Lincoln were customs agents
I have no idea why they are in Africa
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"Kid.........I am an agent of the US Government. I have diplomatic immunity and shit. Probably."
gellaho
They aren't fucking CIA. They should be checking luggage
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
"When I get home the government will give me a slap on the wrist and a pardon and I'll write a memoir."
gellaho
Anyway, KARATE
gellaho
Which means Jellicoe was holding back?
FancyShark
How do you know Fenton can't punch out a bomb? Joe's immortality came from something
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank and Joe consistently out brawling older and bigger and heavier men always kind of puzzles me.
gellaho
Joe really has the explosion curse
gellaho
Can survive all explosions, but loved ones are exploded always
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
They are like Green Hornet in that they probably should not win that many fights and also do not have Bruce Lee to save their asses......
FancyShark
ohhhhhh, okay. So Operation Phoenix means they have to resurrect their dad
gellaho
Hey, our dad just exploded, could you give us a second?
FancyShark
This is Fenton's best prank yet
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Oh man how good would it be if Fenton did legit get explodicated all over Kenya and after this arc they never mention it again?
Ramb$ne Gracie
Fentanyl Hardy is immortal
gellaho
At least Jellicoe is going to African prison
gellaho
I'm sure that's fun
Gentleman Brendan
Jellicoe's such a hardened criminal he confesses out of fair play.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I mean for about as long as it takes for the US government to retrieve him.
FancyShark
White guy goes to prison in Africa for murder and poaching. He'll have a great time.
Gentleman Brendan
The Hardys must be deaf from daily explosions.
gellaho
And we end with Frank swearing revenge for Fenton's death
gellaho
SLEEP WELL KIDS
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
Frank hears thru his robot navel, and Joe has a special kind of sonar he uses by detecting vibrations thru his mastoid bones.
Frank is just riven with loss here, first Rafiki and now his dad.
FancyShark
Frank pauses and opens revenge.exe
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Over under on Fenton really being dead?
Gentleman Brendan
How long until Fenton reveals himself.
gellaho
NEXT TIME: Eat it, Swedes!
FancyShark
Book 3, I expect
gellaho
How very European of you
Gentleman Brendan
Boys it was necessary you think me dead to sell to the colombians that I couldn't possibly be the one trading ivory for cocaine
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"I thought I taught you kids better."
Gentleman Brendan
PHOENIX!
It's a HYDRA!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
LASER GIRAFFES?!
Ramb$ne Gracie
Turns out Fenton and Callie did a freaky Friday shortly before her explosion
FancyShark
I demand PHOENIX fight The Assassins!
Ramb$ne Gracie
Fenton has been gone a long time
FancyShark
oh no! But we're already on Callie 43!
Ramb$ne Gracie
Unfortunately final destination rules are in play
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
I bet the next book is gonna be a sober meditation on grief and the pain of losing a parent at a young age
Ramb$ne Gracie
Death stalks Callon
gellaho
We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles #64: Operation: Phoenix #1: Endangered Species
gellaho
Fuck that's a mouthful
So ends Episode 70 of the Book Cage
FancyShark
Thank you, @gellaho ! This was amazing!
Great work, everyone!
I can't wait for the next one!
gellaho
Holy hell, I think I photographed most of that book
Ramb$ne Gracie
I enjoyed the 20 minutes I was able to attend!
gellaho
The Casefiles are fucking wild
Ramb$ne Gracie
Also may Joe finally consummate his karate romance with Jellicoe
Agent of Fortune, Not a Cultist
Thanks Gellaho!
Or is it… JELLIHOE?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This one was a step above. Good work everyone.
Gentleman Brendan
With the rise of the Phoenix, the Company will return.
gellaho
Ooh, wait
FancyShark
In the meantime, think about how your own father could die in an explosion, kids!
DO IT
gellaho
Next time (whenever we get back to the boys): NO MERCY
I do like the implication that there is a right road to revenge.
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I learned the craft at the feet of Shifu Hambone.
FancyShark
You learned from the best
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
I remember when they told me to do that hundred mile high death walk with one leg, and I said "I dont think this is safe or really how Discord works, Shifu."
And I fell and tore my head clean off.
But Hambone was there with emojis of wisdom.
FancyShark
Hambone will guide you, if you only listen
gellaho
Frank really looks like he's trying to kill Joe there
Ramb$ne Gracie
That's the true revenge
FancyShark
"I can be free"
Ramb$ne Gracie
Joe was the Phoenix the entire time
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
NOW I WILL FINALLY CUM AND BE FREE, FLESH BROTHER!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
NOOOOOOO THATS NOT HOW THAT WORKS!
Gentleman Brendan
All this time, Joe. I never realized. it was death. Death was release.
gellaho
It's a new definition of Stockholm Syndrome, let me tell you
FancyShark
Heyoooo!
gellaho
That one's in the upper echelon
These have a lot to live up to
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
THIS IS WHAT FREEDOM TASTES LIKE!
Pre Apocalypse Flippant Sausage
OH SHIT A BRUNCH GHOST!
Ramb$ne Gracie
I don't have a problems!
:brunchghost:
gellaho
That last one takes place in Berlin, so I can make all the Kraut jokes I want
Gentleman Brendan
Hoodie Allen??
gellaho
I'll still make fun of the Swedes, but I don't have that much Scandinavian material. Despite being a giant
