Anti-Grav Unlimited Duncan Long

There's a new man on the Moon... and old Mother Earth is in for some incredible surprises.

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gellaho: 🚨 The Book Cage Poll Time 🚨; I have been somewhat remiss in my screening process. What have I been busy with? Don't worry about it. In any event, I have decided to put the blame on all of you l. Select one of the two barely screened books.; Your entertainment level will be your own fault this time. It's ridiculous premise vs sci-fi "comedy"; 🌙 - Anti-Grav Unlimited; 🚴 - Bicycling Through Space and Time
gellaho: You have until 5pm when the polls close. To help, you will be able to see the blurb for the first time.
Ozzie
Ozzie: I wanted some context on that insane pull quote and found maybe the harshest wikiburn I've ever seen.
FancyShark: Bad comedies are always a challenge, but I think we're up to the task; Also, if Mike Sirota is billing his book by comparing it to the sci-fi comedy book gold standard, he's digging his own grave
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: wow when I write fantasy comedy, I live in fear of someone mentioning pratchett; cause yeah, that sets an impossible standard
Ozzie: If my wiki entry ever says I'm most known for writing like someone else (and it's not Seanbaby) then I'm gonna stop writing forever.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: nevertheless anti-grav unlimited promises a truly prodigious amount of antigravity; also is that a Wayne's world reference???
Hot Dog Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL!: Which is which, please, @gellaho ? I feel it could be either category for each book
gellaho: There are some subtle clues, but Bicycling Through Space and Time AKA "in the hilarious tradition of Douglas Adams" is the bad comedy
Hot Dog Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL!: Thanks.
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Come on guys, a van full of hot rods and a bitchin hot sidekick? How can you not go that route?; The Van Commish is disappointed in all of you
alfredo disco jakesy (69): It's like you guys don't want to see how to take a Ford Econoline to the moon
Ramb$ne Gracie: we have one vote for 🥐 and that's terrifying; french books in the book cage are dangerous
Juho: The blurb made me change my vote. "Most excellent!" deservrs nothing but contempt.
FancyShark: Space Vannin' is the superior cover, but I'm not sold on the summary
Juho: The space bike seemed funnier, but the summary sucks. Mixing time travel and Hitler and trying to sell a book with it is amateur hour.
Ozzie: Gotta disagree, I am always on board for some Bill and Tedding, whether ironic or unironic.
Juho: I'll stick to the genuine article.
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Calling the anti grav rods "the hottest thing since Galileo" is lame as shit though; Maybe this is closer than it seems
Juho: Both are flawed, but I prefer the more inventive flaws of the one that at least dares to suck in original directions instead of just desparately grabbing at every semi-current reference.
gellaho: Magic science rods that ignore most physical laws.; There's also a lot more murder than you'd expect
gellaho: As far as I'm aware, no chance of France in Anti-Grav Unlimited. Bicycling could go anywhere
Hot Dog Uncle TommyG ❤ You ALL!: That's my vote right there!
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Also like what do you even use the rods for
Juho: Hot roddin'
gellaho: I'm pretty sure everything
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Feels like one of those inventions that doesn't have a lot of uses
Juho: Neck-and-neck.
gellaho: If the votes don't change in the next hour, I'll have to figure out how to handle the croissant
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: The croissant was intended to be read as a crescent moon, for the anti-grav book.; I thought it would be obvious but apparently I was wrong; Anyway today's podcast makes antigravity sound hilarious so; Lyra say what you were going to say I want your input
LyraV: I already forgot, something about hot rods to the Moon.
Ramb$ne Gracie: this book cage vote has been amazing to watch; top tier suspense
LyraV: It's a hard call, bicycles through time/space is also very tempting.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: fucking tragic, I hate it when lyra doesn't talk
LyraV: Bicycling to visit Adolf Hitler is a bold plot point to put on the back cover.
gellaho: How dare you, this is a serious and important process. We are selecting art here, people. We are not here to make fun of-; wait, where am I
gellaho: You'd usually leave that as a surprise for the beginning of your children's book about laser tag
LyraV: It's a strangely wholesome way to visit a monster.; I'd rather time travel to Hitler in something modern that he would find baffling so I could watch him be dumb and confused by my future gear. Then you tap his kneecaps with a bat.
gellaho: The Book Cage Episode 73 Anti-Grav Unlimited; It was a hard-fought battle, but Phil's magical science rods have won the day. You fools have chosen the more well-written and possibly more coherent book. It depends on how you feel about rods that defy gravity and can be used for everything. And murder. And conspiracy. It's a weird post-apocalyptic book, and you know what that means! Or at least you will this Friday, 5pm eastern as we read Duncan Long's Anti-Grav Unlimited.
gellaho
gellaho: Meet Duncan Long
gellaho: That seems like two different biographies shoved together
Ramb$ne Gracie: well the first half was written by Duncan; second by Long
FancyShark: "A mail-order business" is unsettlingly vague when connected to the other facts
LyraV: I bet that newsletter has some interesting tips for survival.
FancyShark: "How to Stay Off the Grid"; Tip 1: You fool! How did I find you!
gellaho: Getting a music degree by mail is a terrifying proposition
FancyShark: I'm not sure how grand a journey he's been on if he lives in the same state he was born
Ramb$ne Gracie: he went to the next town over once; the tapwater tasted different so he came right back
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Yes!!! Rods!!!
gellaho: Coming up at the top of the hour, it's Anti-Grav Unlimited. Here's a preview, in the form of business advice from Duncan Long
FancyShark: Hangover math problems never caught on despite being exactly what kids need
LyraV: ripening bodies don't mix with antigrav rods Duncan, what are you thinking?
gellaho: Time to begin the process
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Unlimited Anti Grav is 99.99 a month but you get all the anti grav you can handle."; "300 channels of pure Anti Grav.
gellaho: Very helpful, I thought it was a bench
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I think I've decided Maggie, Kristen and Nicholas are the authors two wives and husband.
LyraV: I don't know why but that fucking slew me, that's too funny. Like no shit buddy
John, a mustache and a headband: "This isn't plagiarized. Is it suspicious that I brought that up?"
Juho: That's actually surprisingly standard, almost every movie has it in the credits, and even Pratchett books do.
LyraV: Are you sure? Do you want to fact check with Nicholas?
gellaho: In the future, transport is achieved by gun-car-trains
Juho: It's just legal ass-covering.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I blame lawyers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Future train has a cattle guard.
Brendan: Caffeinex -- the new product from Juan (They/Them) Valdez
FancyShark: Roadtrain was my favorite GTA San Andreas vehicle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Like anything you hit at 150 klicks isnt pink mist.
Juho: Hah, he's using metric.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Come on dude atleast make it a cybercattle turboguard
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Maybe its got neon underlighting.
Brendan: This sounds fantastic. I'm here to laugh with it, not at it.
gellaho: Hi-pees
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hi-pees is the worst Hi-C flavor.
Juho: ...I still think underlighting is dope.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Best? Ecto Cooler.
FancyShark: This book is already too well written
Ramb$ne Gracie: road trains are a real thing today in australia; it's how they move cows across the country
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wait when he shot up hi-pees is he doing the drugs?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: are hi-pees hippies because
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Is pee a futuredrug?!
FancyShark: oh god I hope so
Brendan: America was THIS close to going metric when the book was written.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: ANTI GRAV IS SO EDGY ITS MC MAINLINES PISS!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: no they must be bureaucrats
Brendan: Oh this takes place in the Colt Blacke universe
gellaho: Duncan Long's just going to rush through this background real quick
Brendan: This author read that one Harlan Ellison story and said "But worldbuilding"
FancyShark: "I paid for the full nuclear war."; "No, sir. You paid for the limited package."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "limited" nuclear war, one of the quaint notions brought to us by Henry Kissinger.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: the limited nuclear war? Did they agree on a nuke limit before the war?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: CMON HENRY JUST LET GOOOOOO!; SLIP INTO THE DARK!
LyraV: New John Denver, they cloned him for the new city.
gellaho: Pretty sure hi-pee is a terrible abbreviation for highway patrol
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Yeah the plastic roads melt something awful in the summer but its the future, everything is plastic."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: that's awful but fuck highway patrol so it's a wash I guess
FancyShark: Yes, because Amazon and Google would totally step in if the US government collapsed, rather than relocate to small pockets of concrete bunkers
gellaho: Kraig
LyraV: Okay well can we call them them hi-pees now? I feel like they'd hate that.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: KRAZY KRAIGS KRUSTY KOMPOUND!
FancyShark: Kraig is selfconscious because he worries Nikki's only interested in his transport body
LyraV: I thought it said Krang and Nikki and was like 'Good for you Brain Man'
FancyShark: dangit, that's way better
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig only started spelling his name like that to impress Nikki, a K enthusiast.
Agent of Fortune: Hi P Freely
gellaho: Bag lady is a vital plot point
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I already like this MC a little, he mainlines piss and shoots cops.; Hehehe........half cock.
FancyShark: He's killed so many people trying to wash his windshield
LyraV: He nicknames his gun Henrietta the 9mm Beretta.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: where's djonin? He should be telling us about how Beretta don't blah blah blah
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Thats what you get when you holster your 9mm down the front of your pants.......half cocked.
gellaho: This raises a lot of questions. Mostly what a modifhorse is
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Bag lady and her robot husband. Nothing to see here.
FancyShark: It started off as a squirrel and they gradually replaced parts
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or robot wife.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: robot horses are so much more efficient than cars
gellaho: He followed a car train that shot some possibly fake cops
Brendan: See? New Denver, small nukes exchange...Colt Blacke.
Fatamatician: Curator: It was almost hype, but missed it by so much
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I like mine better.
gellaho: That's how elevators work
FancyShark: hahaha, he's in a cartoon
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: in the future they will overclock elevators because fuck you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Krazy Kraig's OverKloked Elevator and Komputer Repair.
FancyShark: Every cup of coffee brought into that elevator ends up on the ceiling
gellaho: This seems like a confusing place to live
Brendan: He's got a Thirty-Thirty! @👽 MISSINGMo (Ï¥╚ε◘▓s╖>♠Sè☻■┌↔ß !
FancyShark: So screw you, elderly, the blind and the drunk
Fatamatician: Curator: Someone has tried and failed to build the hall
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Invisible doors seems highly inconvenient to us, but thats because we dont live in the future where people mainline piss with their robot horse spouses.
gellaho: Friend of yours, @FancyShark?
gellaho: Again, seems like a weird way to live
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: god a mirrored apartment sounds like a nightmare
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Yeah no, man, we do like a Japanese thing and sit on the floor. Take off your shoes."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I only know one person who likes their face that much
FancyShark: Holodeck Shark is my new favorite character
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Why yes this is a neo silk kimono from Chiba."
gellaho: Kraaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiig!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "It's made from robot spiders and the hair of orphaned New Cambodian children."
Brendan: Is it a modif-shark or just a regular dumb wicked-looking shark?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: White room with white carpeting sounds eye straining. Could you turn the 3...V back on?
FancyShark: Especially between 4:38pm and 4:42pm when the sun hits just the right spot to make the entire apartment a heat lamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ohhhhhhh a modified klone for Kraig.; Nikki is Kraigs clone fuck sister.
gellaho: Basically
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Excuse me, klone fuck sister.
gellaho: Dinocow; dinocow
FancyShark: It's the difference between a natural and an artificial christmas tree
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh god of course she's a bio sexbot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean a dino cow is basically a triceratops with teats.
FancyShark: DINOCOW!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: why does every shitty specfic author go there immediately?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Big old scaly udders.
FancyShark: Because boobs + lonely
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: my boobs scorn them
Fatamatician: Curator: Next time on Dinocow and Modif-horse
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: SCORN
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nerds wanna fuck clones, ideally of themselves but modified to be more fun, like have cat paws or something. Also no free will.
gellaho: Kraig's clone body pillow
FancyShark: "Goddammit! Who ate all the hay?!"; "We better beat feet, best buddy."; <whinnies>; I don't know why only Dinocow talks
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I, no word of a lie, had a dream last night where I, like, astrally projected out of my body and tried to make out with myself. It was so electric it jarred me awake immediately.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its cool that being a perfect ubermensch didnt go to Nikkis head as she funnels her klone brotherdads hog.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Material for a top flight Hawkwind song.
gellaho: Illegal body pillow
Fatamatician: Curator: because you are a genius
FancyShark: "Full-in-the-right-places" is the coward's way to perv-describe
1000 Space GDCs: This is my vat. I call it...the vat.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh "of course" he starts with the chromosomes fuck you clonemeister
Ramb$ne Gracie: large feet, large hands and huge ears
Brendan: It's called "Bone-digging" and YOUR kids may be doing it. Using laser-drill tech, today's teens are practicing a dangerous form of narcissistic self-harm for masturbatory creation of sentient life. Full story at 11, plus an interview Dr. Jen Miller of Yale's Bioethics division about how 'talk' to your 'teens' and their 'clones'."
Ramb$ne Gracie: i know many languages
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man I do not like the implikations or the ethikal ramifikations of Kraigs aktions.
1000 Space GDCs: I'm getting big actually-a-nine-hundred-year-old-dragon vibes from Nikki.
Brendan: So Kraig is the villain?
LyraV: I'm just glad she's not an evil/slutty redhead and yes I know I'm alone in that.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: And they did the "born yesterday" thing fuck I hate that
gellaho: I'm glad this character is Ferris Buellering now. Weird that I still don't know his name
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Thank fuck Kraig is dead.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I'm glad too, its important to have diversity in your evil and slutty characters.
FancyShark: AQUANAUTS! ASSEMBLE!
Brendan: Kraig is such a Gary Stu he created his own Mary Sue in-universe.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: FUKK YOU KRAIG! THE MARTIAN GOAT WAS PERFECT ALREADY!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: that's why I was bioengineered in a clone vat
Brendan: TO ME, MY AKWA-NOTS
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Sorry, a klone vat*
Brendan: Professor K and the Akwanauts
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The only Kaiser I acknowledge is Mazin Kaiser.
gellaho: You sound like great friends, sure. Especially with how much you seem to hate him
FancyShark: If your best friend doesn't make you uncomfortable, who can?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: OH DOES THE KLONE FUCKER MAKE YOU UNKOMFORTABLE?!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh yeah when your buddy starts domestically abusing his sex slave daughter, you leave them both alone
gellaho: Kraig done grown himself a self-fuck boy
Ramb$ne Gracie: sounds like MC could use an asian secret agent clone girlfriend too; sister*
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: fuck he's alive
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man you suck if you can't get your own clones into a threesome.
FancyShark: Kraig made a fuck-son to fuck his fuck-daughter and I hate every neuron that formed that thought
LyraV: Get out old clone, I have better clone now!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also its really sad if you cant make a relationship with your clone work.
gellaho: And she got fired, what a day
FancyShark: At that point, you have to admit the problem is you
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: but Nikki, you aren't a real human!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh. Nikki. You'll be in a cock pit. Just not in one on a ship.
gellaho: Secret assassin bag lady!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The cock pits of Neptune are like hell for bright young clones.
FancyShark: Thank god she's a whiz at figuring things out. Unlike Doug over here.; "MittENS!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Shit yeah! NEEDLE GUN!
Brendan: [to the tune of Jessie's girl] You know I wish that I had Nikki's dad
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hey Author! I like Hawkwind too!
Ramb$ne Gracie: at least we know the MC is named Phil now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: But I'm still gonna make fun of your weird book.
gellaho: Shit, she found the needler
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: If Sasee is a sassy black woman I will flip the whole server over in pure mad
FancyShark: It's called a needle rifle because it's the size of a needle. It's a terrible gun.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dog paddling is a very suboptimal way to move on carpet, Phil.
FancyShark: Rachel wins. Pack it in.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I'm serious, don't put anything past this author
gellaho: Is this the end of bag lady?
FancyShark: Unless it's shag
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: also Nikki JUST broke up with her boyfriend and he's already on all fours, typical
FancyShark: Bag lady! NOOOO!
gellaho: Nope, weird forcefield armor
FancyShark: BAG LADY WITH A FORCEFIELD!; Move over, Holodeck Shark!
Brendan: She was engineered to be the perfect human being with Captain America stats and she still got fired by machine-induced layoffs, and I'm back, Nikki is the millennial protagonist.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man future bag ladys have a bunch of sweet murdergear.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: so sick of these tired old tropes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Future people throw away the damndest things.
gellaho: Goddamned 3V on the fritz again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its a commentary on our disposable shit.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: the superhuman is also doing nothing this fight because she's a woman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Needle guns and force fields are just like cell phones.
FancyShark: HOLOSHARK! ATTACK!; I SAID ATTACK!; "I'm sorry. I did not understand you."; ALEXA, MAKE HOLOSHARK ATTACK!; "Playing Josh Grobin"; DAMMIT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Okay but holodeck hall of mirrors from Enter the Dragon is a good idea.
gellaho: Just invulnerable is this woman
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: she's a space marine (cinematic mode)
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Phil.........a nine mil doesnt............they arent shells.; You nerd.
1000 Space GDCs: Check out the guy using an antique pistol against a force field.
FancyShark: oh hell. They found the Joe Hardy gene
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: try throwing your gun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He might as well have a pointed stick.
gellaho: POWER LASER
FancyShark: hahaha, we have fun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha holy shit Nikki.; You sure proved Rachel wrong.; All over the carpet too.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: okay to give this author credit, I like that the laser was invisible
1000 Space GDCs: You rarely see that
FancyShark: heyooo!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: but also I hate him and he's a hack pervert
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Didnt cauterize the neck stump tho so fuck him.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: This is a good way to prove me wrong
gellaho: Flashback to: Phil getting fired
FancyShark: Hanley the Last Weisenbender
Brendan: 3V is a cool term and I suggest we appropriate it.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And in the bathroom and maybe once or twice in the kitchen if everyone is feeling saucy.
gellaho: THE RODS
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I'm starting to feel a little loopy from 24 hours with no sleep and its great.
gellaho: Also: magnetic bubble smelters
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: What the fuck does the bit in parentheses mean?
FancyShark: Are we making up fun phrases now?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: is he some kind of Benjamin Button reverse man?
FancyShark: THANK You!; He moonwalks
LyraV: Then he played for him the song from Trolls.
Ramb$ne Gracie: he comes in with the energy of someone stomping out
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hanley apparently brings down the tone.
Ramb$ne Gracie: but said in idiot
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: you have 48 hours before hallucinations in my experience; They won't be fun
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I tend to not get those until at least day four.
Ramb$ne Gracie: i went 60 but didn't get hallucinations; and i feel ripped off
FancyShark: Try to sleep before day five. That's when you die
LyraV: I get auditory hallucinations after 36 hours give or take.
Brendan: Like a theoretical Benjamin Buttonhole?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hehehe Benjamin Butt(on)hole.
gellaho: That's when he's talking to the reader
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: anyway, does anyone know where I can smelt my magnetic bubble? Does Staples do that?
gellaho: Expensive glow suits
FancyShark: You have to crack the suit in your hand first before it starts glowing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I think you need to contact a specialist, the guys at Staples just look up smelting on Yourtube.
Ramb$ne Gracie: that's a force field from dune 1984
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I'm so sick of guys in cheap glowsuits, like some Winner's bargain bin glowsuits shmuck
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "The slow blade penetrates the glow suit."
gellaho: Time to steal and run
FancyShark: Technically, it's not hard to steal everything you can
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This is a real roundabout way to tell the reader he made a way for people to fuck their own asses while flying without a plane.
gellaho: Compucalc the efficacy of THE RODS
1000 Space GDCs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Whatever you do, dont put two in your ass with opposing poles facing each other. Poor Steve the intern was torn in half before we could get them loose."
gellaho: DEADLY RODS
FancyShark: One end of the rod is attracted to normal matter. Which means it sticks to everything
1000 Space GDCs: so what i'm hearing is that these rods are an infinite source of energy?
gellaho: Just like a little kid with a balloon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "We lost Intern Darryl figuring out it sticks to things"
Brendan: The other end of the rod is sapiosexual for normal matter, which means it's only attracted to sentient beings.
LyraV: Everyones favorite.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Meanwhile in like a million years a whole civilization is wiped out as a random anti grav rod impacts their planet after gathering speed the entire time.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I love when a sci-fi author says fuck you, fundamental laws of physics!
gellaho: guitar squeal
FancyShark: First you get the rods. Then you get the van.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I think it just means the rods are really pretentious and don't get hits on their dating apps
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's got a sick mural of the original lineup of Hawkwind on it, from before they kicked Lemmy out for rocking too hard.
Brendan: "I'm not like you base pigs, roiling in your lusts. I can only lie there for ten minutes doing none of the work with someone I find pretentious."
FancyShark: It also has one of those stick figure families on the back window, but all the kids are just lines
Brendan: Shit, I stole your adjective for that joke.
gellaho: Phil seems like he's in the right state of mind for transporting the RODS
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I'll allow it Brendan
Brendan: LITERS of caffinex!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Doctor Phil, we still havent figured out the magic rabbit clitoral and prostate stimulator attachment you wanted, but we did make a cock ring version."
FancyShark: His heart is going to be foam by morning
gellaho: What could the difference between a computer and a compucalc possibly be
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: No practice being a criminal? What about all your accessory to incest charges?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh shit the computers are sentient.; This is kidnapping.
FancyShark: I'd tell you, but you'd tell me to go to the swamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He aided and abetted a clone fucker and is now kidnapping sentient machines.
FancyShark: oh no. We're reading David Cage
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Poor lil guys, he wont even ask if they wanna come or not.
Brendan: Compucalc is either a microprocessor or a serial stack of computers.; All I know is it's EXTREME computer one way or the other.
gellaho: Mastivista
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: don't we all love when a novel starts with action, then flashes back to two weeks earlier when the hero was stealing a hundred antigravity rods with no tension or stakes
Fatamatician: Curator: Holoshark and Modif-horse meet Compucalc
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Mastivisa. For when you chewed up your Visa."
FancyShark: "I'll do the talking. What it is, Compucalc."; "You look like cops."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: He has one hot fist and one lukewarm fist
Fatamatician: Curator: "beeep...neigh....beep"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: also sentence fragment
gellaho: Phil is very observant
FancyShark: If we start talking about future stuff and bank accounts and don't get any Rex Moran, this book is a failure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sentence fragments are like little archaeology puzzles for now people.; And therefore good and cool.
FancyShark: Phil does have a way with fun phrases; Too bad they're not very coherent
gellaho: Pukers can't see you if you don't move
FancyShark: People vomit so much in the future, they have gangs
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: you don't fuck with the Seanbaby gang
Fatamatician: Curator: You know the look
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oooooh I've played this game before, he needs to use the rocket launcher and circle strafe because pukers are projectiles and not hitscan.
gellaho: The nerves of steel you'd expect from a lab worker
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: a little jig
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also the Beretta was such a 70s gun.
FancyShark: If this were a movie, Phil would be played by the child of a Hollywood legend
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: very difficult to aim but also he did it flawlessly
gellaho: Certainly am wondering that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: My dude...........RAIL GUN was a possibility and you picked a nine mil Beretta?!
alfredo disco jakesy (69): He's obviously wearing a red Hawaiian shirt this whole time
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I couldn't give a shit why you have body bags
FancyShark: No, Phil. I was wondering why you were calmly getting them out after screaming when you fired your gun
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Maybe instead of explaining that you could DEVELOP YOUR MAIN CHARACTER
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its for the failed fuck clones.; The ones that need a longer bake time.
FancyShark: There's also some buckets
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig still fucks them but he slops them into a bucket after.
LyraV: pfff bake time 😆
gellaho: That's more of a how than why
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Phil is classy and uses a garbage bag.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I love bake time with my fuck clones
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Why would you trade for body bags
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Traded for them on the black market" is nerd speak for "Bought a roll of Hefty's at the Piggly Wiggly"
FancyShark: I'm surprised it took this long to confirm Phil is a dangerous loner
LyraV: I feel like you'd at least give them an actual personality.
gellaho: Sounds boring
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: maybe you could kill that run on sentence phil
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Running too fast.; His antique handgun cant draw a bead.; He might as well have a goddam musket.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I have an unfortunate overabundance of personality so dividing between two or three of us would work wonders
gellaho: Seems perfectly normal
FancyShark: Phil went on to play John Doe in Se7en
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I read "labbots" as "rabbots" and got briefly excited.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage you just need to kill two men, stuff them in your van, and take a long nap
gellaho: Sick burn
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: You'll sleep like a baby
FancyShark: At least he tried to say fat is normal
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: long Duncan plays with big head mode activated
LyraV: Your personality never seems an overabundance but a gift, I meant you'd be nice enough to really flesh out the character of your clones (unlike this author).
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Im imagining Phil looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force now.
gellaho: Thumbnail watch seems very impractical
FancyShark: I love this and will join you in this belief
Brendan: All sci-fi writers are libertarians until proven otherwise.
LyraV: Brutananadalewski
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas
gellaho: Time for nap #2?
Brendan: Carl is such a G
1000 Space GDCs: All technology in this future is stupid, impractical and has a dumb name.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: My dude, you can NOT store liquifying corpses in the same space as computers.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yeah. At least Iain banks is the good kind of libertarian
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its bad for your GPUs
FancyShark: Feeling depressed? Look for these symptoms:; -Lethargy; -Listlessness; -Having two rotting corpses in your van
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Leave the corpses in the bathtub.
Fatamatician: Curator: You know the look
gellaho: Nothing like a good instawarm after dumping a couple of bodies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That meal? Reheated Chinese food. No fork.; No nothing.; Just them meat hooks.
LyraV: Well that was easy, no one will ever find them there. At a place where people stop and rest.
1000 Space GDCs: Surely you could have come up with a better place to dump bodies than a rest stop.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: what would you do if your baby brained fuckclone daughter sister could chop your head off with a laser
gellaho: First order of RODS: van power
alfredo disco jakesy (69): The dead bodies are gone. Aaaaanyway time for a snack
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fuck you asshole. You invent a miracle of science, then steal it and your first thought is to use it to power your van.
alfredo disco jakesy (69): I mean hell yeah borther
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Not "Shit I could improve peoples lives." or "Fuck yeah, world domination time." but "How can I get free van juice forever?"
1000 Space GDCs: Does the van even have something rad painted on it though?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: okay one end attracts matter, one end repels it. So if you stick it in an enclosed space won't it, like, burst through one end of it?
LyraV: Not with VAN POWER
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: His vans body is made of adamantiunobtainium.
gellaho: Better not use the synthadiamond, better use the laser that randomly reflects everywhere
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: it has a mural of Kraig fucking Kraig2 on top of a holoshark
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig2 has a righteous set of dude boobs.; And his hair? Literal fire.
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Fire made of burnhot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: how many holes did he burn through himself?
LyraV: With martian goats cheering the whole thing on.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Like this but with a sweet hog.
gellaho: Right up that tight little orbit with some sililube
Brendan: Barry 2099
Ramb$ne Gracie: well we know the rods aren't made with nysteel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Freshly lubed rods. Alllll riiiiiiiiiiight.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: a villainous slutty redhead? Oh no, lyra won't be pleased
Fatamatician: Curator: This guy has seen how I get down
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I feel like Kraig2 is blameless in all this.
Ramb$ne Gracie: in the mind of a hack sci-fi writer there are two women: busty red-head and busty asian woman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig2 is still getting the hang of shapes and object permanence.
1000 Space GDCs: The solution to mankind's travel problems is a perpetual motion van. checks out
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh please he kills Kraig and becomes the villain at the end of act 2 or I will eat any number of hats
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or! The hero. Cos he killed his obviously evil incest clone making dad.
gellaho: Time to power the entire house via VAN ENERGY
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Kraig is dead. Long live Kraig.
LyraV: Vans are exempt from preconcieved hair notions.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Yeah I can use this perpetual motion machine to power my makehot box and make sweet hobo meals on the lam."
Brendan: Come on, that's reductionist. There is Asian [plotting villain dominatrix] and Asian [compliant, giggling love interest]
gellaho: Fuckin' Linda
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: she's the labs HR lady, obviously
Ramb$ne Gracie: fuckin' Linda
LyraV: You've got this shit figured OUT.
1000 Space GDCs: Man, every office has a Linda
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: eh at least it wasn't Susan or, god forbid, Lisa
Ramb$ne Gracie: hear me out, what if the busty plotting Asian dominatrix girlfriend also had red hair?
gellaho: NOTHING SUSPICIOUS. ONLY GOING 250% MAXIMUM SPEED
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Yeah its real sad about Steve and Darryl and Garryl and Wayne. We have to stick to teh project tho so they didnt die horribly in vain."
Brendan: As long as she doesn't turn into a panda, I'm cool.
Ramb$ne Gracie: they used a panda for the clone base
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man what a good van, it held together at 200 klicks.
Ramb$ne Gracie: she used to be one now she's a love interest
Brendan: /convert 80km to mph
Ramb$ne Gracie: 80kph: still slow
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yeah it's like what, 50? 45 mph?
1000 Space GDCs: I wonder how he gets the van to stop with an engine he can't stop spinning
gellaho: Going down to the Radio Dome to spend my centimes
LyraV: Watch out for the hi-pees.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: 49.7, I'm great at everything
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Of course, I kept a few centimes for the truck stop hookers I like to lure into my van."
Ramb$ne Gracie: i want to know what a centimeme is
1000 Space GDCs: How has he had a van this long and not prioritized painting a dragon on it? Baffling.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: after the nuclear holocaust mankind's first priority will be inventing clunky new terms for everything
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: 1\100th of a dollhour.
gellaho: You nerds will not let me skip these boring technical details
gellaho
gellaho: See: Duncan agrees with me
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Is the radio dome near the love dome? That little old cyber place where we can get together?
1000 Space GDCs: This is uncomfortably close to what I'm doing in my actual job.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STICK THE ROD IN FOR FUCKS SAKE PHIL! GARRYL ISNT GONNA TEAR HIMSELF A NEW ONE LITERALLY!"; "Wait tear what now?"; "Too late, bye Garryl!"
gellaho: The computers really want to smash though
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: "here's basically what me, and Jason, did: we"; JUST TELL US WHAT YOU'RE DOING ASSHOLE
gellaho: When will they install those fear circuits
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Aw hell yeah Pleasure Dome.
1000 Space GDCs: Is this author also an engineer?
1000 Space GDCs: Oh man, deep Rise of the Dragon cut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Best game you can lose via public nudity charges.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: sometime before a long long time ago
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Poor lil computers.; I imagine they have little pixel faces like the girl robot in WALL-E
gellaho: You're a weird guy, Phil
1000 Space GDCs: The computers in this book are almost as abused as the ones in the Hardy Boys.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: lookin all "^o^" and shit when you ask them to connect to the internet.
LyraV: Sure it's the computers whispering to you, not your inner demons.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh good thanks lyra, I was starting to worry I might have to take those meds after all
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: okay but flying van is legitimately bad ass, but my guy........you could have just gotten a pilots license and not spent years inventing Chitty Chitty Meth Bus.
gellaho: The test flight goes poorly in a number of ways
1000 Space GDCs: This is basically the armor building montage from Iron Man, but with a van, and somehow lame.
Brendan: SHE HAS A NAME IT'S EVE GOD
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Eva I think
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Not to mention you cant really fly so much as hover with intent without like.......CONTROL SURFACES AND SHIT THAT VANS DO NOT HAVE.
Brendan: Eve is her robot name.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH?
Brendan: Eva is the name fleshapes gave her
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: The world Military is always ready in case Mars Attacks
gellaho: There goes half the ROD supply
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Legit making myself happy thinking about WALL-E
gellaho: Duncan, I know you know those aren't called coin phones
gellaho: Phil is now living the Van Life
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha another dork ass science fiction writer decided flying van was more plausible than wireless phones.
gellaho: Good to know about the dino teats
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Get dunked on by THE FUTURE, PALEO-DORK!; HAH I KNEW THEY HAD SCALEY UDDERS!; Reptile tits confirmed!
gellaho: Bopper design, my good man
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Dinocow teats is what I would have written in a parody of all this nonsense; Satire is dead
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha we beat it to death with a shovel in 1958 as a suspected Communist infiltrator.; The Bush family still has Satire's skull.
Ramb$ne Gracie: all hail deconstruction
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: angry Javo intensifies
gellaho: Glad you guys are taking the dinocow as a serious detail
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yeah I'm sure he'll be swallowed by a dinocow at some point
LyraV: Reptile milk, they bred them for the milk right? Why else woud you mention the udders specifically?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: lyra I love you and I want you to talk more BUT
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: If a sassy teen rollerblading courier lands a magnetic clamp on his van and goes for a sky ride, I have a letter to write.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: you have to understand that when you ask questions like that you risk someone answering them; And by someone I mean djonin
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also me.
FancyShark: [takes out first binder]
gellaho: Turned all the grocery stores into Chuck E Cheeses
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I didnt get this by keeping my mouth shut.
gellaho: How many centimes to a cred
FancyShark: It's too much to ask that this turns into Five Night's at Freddy's, isn't it?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: FUCK YES ITS THE DOG FROM WORLD OF HORROR!; SELL ME A BAT SHOPKEEPER SHIBE!
Brendan: Clifford the Disturbing Purple Dog
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: irradiated foods? On purpose?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hulk Chow!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I guess if I lived in that world I'd be gunning for cancer too
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Now with 30% more Gamma goodness.
FancyShark: HULK CAN'T FUCK...ING BELIEVE THESE LOW PRICES!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Or a sweet prehensile tail!
gellaho: More clumsy than creepy
FancyShark: SYNTHEJUANA!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sherri Jane!; The Christ Lettuce.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: synthejuana is actually an artificial prune juice the biker's love
gellaho: THE NIGHT CREEPS
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: It really takes the edge off their artifetamines
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: NIGHT CREEPS!; Shit this got cyberpunk.
Brendan: This is how people from <1980 described microwaved meals.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: They all have the face of a deeply unpleasant celebrity from the 90s
1000 Space GDCs: Or in this case, instawarmed meals
FancyShark: The James Woods
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: you expect us to imagine american infrastructure lasting several more decades? now my suspension of disbelief is gone
LyraV: Working on those Night Creeps, Trying to beat those synthejuana Grooves
gellaho: The Night Creeps are both (1) easy enough to run over and (2) capable of stopping cars and dismantling them
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Night Creeps is very close to a Judas Priest track.
FancyShark: Leaving on that late Night Creep to Georgia
Juho: Plus, great band name.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also one of my favorite GI Joe Characters.
Brendan: In memoriam: the victims of the 2023 Seattle Suspension Bridge of Disbelief collapse.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Who else remembers when Night Creeper Leader decided he was an Egyptian king and made Lady Jay his unwilling bride?
gellaho: Sick Night Creep Prank
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Fucking GI JOOOOOOOOOOE!
Ramb$ne Gracie: nothing happens quickly at 100kph
FancyShark: I just dropped in; To see what condition my Night Creep was in
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: A+
Ramb$ne Gracie: that's the slowest way to travel by interstate
gellaho: "Computer: schedule pants cleaning"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I drove over a hundred klicks today for ten minutes and I was passed several times by much faster vehicles but okay
FancyShark: I missed something. Are the rods secured in any way?
gellaho: So many candy injuries
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This book is like a slow paced and contemplative\dumb version of Damnation Alley, except instead of fighting giant radioactive bats and a horde of bikers with a sick car\tank, this guy has a flying van and does future drugs.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Does he not understand the conversion? Were people slower in the 70s?
gellaho: Some of the RODS power the engine, some of them make it fly. Half of them flew into the sky when his house exploded
Brendan: man, good thing he invented a flying van just in time for this flying-van scenario to occur.
FancyShark: hahaha, thank you
gellaho: I am skipping the details because who could care, this is a book about a van going to the moon via ROD
Brendan: This is like that time I was on a boat chasing a ship, and my teen friends were like "If only one of us were a car!"
LyraV: Good thing he kept the blinkers working.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: He forgot to call the candies unsugar
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yes, thanks to leaded gasoline!; Hachachachacha.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: He's going to get fined for unclunky language.; Or as they call it in the future, langitarix
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Anti-sugar is already a thing tho.
Brendan: Not this guy, he's doing 200 kmph
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: So hed have to make up a whole nother word.
gellaho: cue ET theme
Brendan: That's almost FOUR American Freedom-Miles; Okay, that's a great line though.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: okay I'll only accept that if, when it touches sugar, they're both annihilated in the scientific sense
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "HAHAHAHA IM SPITTING IN THE EYE OF GOD! DO YOU SEE ME? KRAIG? I SUCCEED WHERE YOU FAILED!"
gellaho: Time for nap
LyraV: I keep forgetting about Kraig and Nikki, wait...is Nikki still alive?
FancyShark: "Sir? Please pull up to the next window."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: "my eyes blacked out as my blood left my brain and headed for points south"; Me, when women.
gellaho: We are still in the flashback
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Was she ever really alive before?
FancyShark: This is a longer flashback than Bloodsport
gellaho: Nevermind
gellaho: Spoke too soon
LyraV: Fuck give me a minute Nikki, I've flashed back too hard!
gellaho: Should have looked at the next page first
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Hahahahah we have a persons blood soaking into the carpet. We have fun tho."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Wow he invented the NOT joke 30 years before Borat
Brendan: Nikki is the only clone of her kind, right?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig invented the worst kind of My Wife jokes.
Brendan: And this guy is like the genius Kraig's "Kraig 2.0"; so she has trouble believing he'd be wicked smaht?
gellaho: Prepare shirt unlatching procedure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No Kraig has run off with Kraig2.; The narrator is Phil, Sky Lord and Science Perv.
FancyShark: HOLY CRAP, EVERYONE!; THE SHIRT FIT!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I never did learn how to gracefully unlatch a guy's shirt, it always makes second base awkward
FancyShark: You have to do it in one smooth motion or they know you're inexperienced
1000 Space GDCs: It's so complicated with those tiny hooks
gellaho: Plastic surgery is efficient in the future
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I always make sure to either not wear a button down or one I can live with if my lover tears all the buttons off in a fit of passion or frustration.
Brendan: I can't tell because everyone in this book is Kraig.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: ah man, and I'm still saving up just to get my jawline shaved
gellaho: "Uh, excuse me, but your face is melting"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: You spoiled the twist
Brendan: I don't know a lot but I know Phil is going to fuck his Best Friend's Self-Insert even though they don't get along.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean Kraigs shirts fit Phil so he may very well be a Kraig. We could be dealing with a Spider-man Clone Saga.
Brendan: What's wrong with green hair, I ask you?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Kraig Reilly will return and Phil will doubt he is the real Phil.
FancyShark: Sorry, Phil, but if I see two blondes walking together, I instinctively look for demonic albino children
gellaho: Duncan just keep mentioning groups of people without any details
Brendan: They have new faces but he's hoping the hair dye will distract suspicious investigators.
gellaho: Still trying to figure out what was the deal with the robed Dweller
Brendan: Germany was on vacation a few weeks ago, and Central Park looked like the Children of the Damned
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: hey keep your joy circuit in your motherboard
gellaho: Picnic sounds nice
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Heyheyhey pretty lady, wanna help me complete my joy circuit? I still need a logic gate."
Ramb$ne Gracie: flying barbie van
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also Joy Circuit is a good name for an EDM artist.; Vocaloid.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Pft your hard drive isn't solid state AND you don't have enough RAM
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: *Windows D pushes a new update, dick crashes.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: In the distant cyberfuture, masculinity is still too fragile for the colour pink
Brendan: Nikki becomes an accomplice to the crime of the millennium because she's got nothing else going on since she got fired and Kraig left.
gellaho: They follow a rocket and are now in the Gulf of Mexico
Brendan: We need a name for this phenomena where '70s scifi writers were like "I blinked my eyes and the crystal telepathically transported me to Venus. Normally men weren't welcome there, but I told all the pretty Femazons that I would take them shoe-shopping."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It's nice she's branching out and finding new hobbies other than milking her brotherdad.
Brendan: Like everything advances except social mores.
gellaho: 1988
FancyShark: "Lonely Nerd"
Brendan: 1988 in dimestore scifi was still the '70s; This book being written the exact same time a Hardy computer exploded feels unreal.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This book is Damnation Alley as fuck tho.; But for boomers who are scared of radness.
Brendan: Like there were only 5 billion people on earth and they all misunderstood computers but that's the only thing they had in common.
gellaho: This is a fun three paragraphs
Ramb$ne Gracie: lol; "i'd rather be with brother-dad than you"
Brendan: Wait he's been trying to fuck her this whole time?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahah just a lighthearded joke about the clone girl banging her dadbro.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Jesus christ
Brendan: The first thing he told us was there was a gulf between them.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: The publisher should have executed the author when they reached this point in the manuscript
gellaho: Phil considers being microscopic
FancyShark: He must have meant the gap between their beds
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Shes a clone so its fine, shes genetically engineered so inbreeding cant happen! Tell them, Nicholas!"; Hahahaha shes trying to kill him?; Because she is way too smart to not know a van is not voidworthy.
FancyShark: Trying to have sex with the person trying to kill you? Consider Arkansas
Ramb$ne Gracie: "you say another incest line like that again and i'm hitting the space button."
gellaho: It's now Missorark
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: RIght next to Ohiowa.; And Tennetucky.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Texas is still Texas
FancyShark: And Wisconsin. No, the other states weren't interested.
Ramb$ne Gracie: texas went to space a long time ago
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: BUT if they head to space, they could visit the planet of New Texas
Ramb$ne Gracie: i heard they're mining Mars for oil
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Old Texas isnt welcome on New Texas.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: And get help from Marshal BRAVESTARR
Brendan: You are my new favorite lawyer, and I include the lawyers in Bravestarr in that statement.
gellaho: Sick burn on Phil's face
LyraV: Baltimare.
1000 Space GDCs: With the invention of Dinocows, three things now come from Texas.
Brendan: I love that this entire Discord has discovered my favorite cartoon. Mo can post all the aspic he wants.
Ramb$ne Gracie: eyes of the wolf, ears of the pu-ma!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: You mean his fat face
LyraV: Hey @Djonin, Catgirl victim isn't there a 'New Texas' in Trials in Tainted Space?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just a reminder this is Phil to me.
gellaho: Big Jake Jozek
gellaho: Get the moon crew together
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Big Jake makes the best paczki in the wasteland.; And when Big Jake says he has a proposition for a man and a woman..........; Well........; You know what he's getting at.
Brendan: Big Jake Bum Leg. My friends call me Blackbeard
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Big Jake
Djonin, Catgirl victim: Why yes, yes there is. It's a colony famous for innovating fertility drugs that also enhance the body's physical performance, and having a very famous gym where body builders hang out.; Why... why do you know about it?
Brendan: How are their Kerium holdings?
LyraV: So ...a while ago before Garage Karate you posted a screenshot of a game you were playing and I thought 'this might be a fun way to kill some time'
LyraV: Really what I learned though was that I care more about doing what I percieve as 'winning' at a game than I do about getting off.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: lyra, secret pervert, confirmed
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: the true struggle
LyraV: Anyway on with the Anti Grav Van eh?
gellaho: Don't want to ruin the rubber
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yeah you wouldn't want to pop the tires in your flying van, definitely your first priority
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man its gonna be so cool when they fly to Mars and meet the Leather Goddesses of Phobos.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: stay off our moon
Ramb$ne Gracie: they're all Kraig
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nikki will have eaten Phil by then.
gellaho: Isn't that sweet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ew stop kissing Phil.
gellaho: Next page
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He looks like Carl.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: the poor thing has lived inside an apartment with her brother dad as his sex slave her whole life, and she's mentally eight or something, this is disgusting
FancyShark: Bars don't serve urine in pints anymore. It's sad
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ooooh look at the super smart brain boy, bitching about his piss bag while he does space travel in HIS FUCKING ECONOLINE
gellaho: VAN POWER
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: the clock counting down to my consent lecture jumped ahead by like five ticks
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Real connoisseur only drink straight from the tap
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "We were killed by the G-Forces involved in slingshotting us to Mars in less than six months."; "My ghost is narrating this story."
Ramb$ne Gracie: the tires survived though so we're good
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "We drove around, I saw that cool gnarly face rock, and I drew a dick in the sand with my van tires."
Ramb$ne Gracie: maybe they'll go to the butt on Mercury next
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Overall, D- road trip. Would not visit again."
Ramb$ne Gracie: the tits on Saturn are lovely this time of year
LyraV: This is what I'm here for, Vans orbiting the fucking MOON
gellaho: They take over an abandoned mining base on the moon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I applaud you for not taking the low hanging buttfruit of Uranus.
Brendan: I'm fine not going to space.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I hear you have to shit in a bag and if you nut it push you backwards.
FancyShark: You're thinking of Space Mountain
Ramb$ne Gracie: that's for fine adjustments of your bearing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I do get those two things confused.
Brendan: I am a human. I would much rather just have someplace with a clean beach near grass between my toes. Like we should all go to space as a species, I just think i, personally, don't need to use a colon vacuum.
gellaho: With a what now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hull punctures. And gums up the instrumentation something fierce tho.; Hahahaha he rimmed that lady.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: good thing the moon base is airtight and operational after being abandoned for; how long?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That is the exact way I'd phrase the taste of the morning after drunkenly eating ass like like a dying man eats a watermelon in the desert.
LyraV: Van power will get that Moon going in no time, Rod Van Power.
Ramb$ne Gracie: i hope their faces melt off in space because that sounds fun
FancyShark: No joke, I'm assuming this is going to end with Phil placing enough rods around the moon to threaten to throw it at the Earth
Ramb$ne Gracie: the moon will become their secret clubhouse
LyraV: Please be right
gellaho: They go to another base, which looks hunky dory
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: only if they can defeat the army of Kraigs
Brendan: The reason I don't need to go to space is I don't even like airplane flights longer than four hours.; Now I have to wake up with a brown taste in my mouth?
FancyShark: Kentucky...Fried...and then it just stops
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: KF was someone writing their initials and running out of oxygen before they could finish their sick laser graffiti.
Brendan: From whence I scream?; Even though no one can hear it?
Ramb$ne Gracie: KF: KRAIGS FUCK
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Scooped
gellaho: Looking good
FancyShark: Great minds
gellaho: Gives what now
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: all the plants are dead. Please mean the protagonists are going to suffocate
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man I could just destroy a KFC Double Down right now.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: this book gives me compression blood; not to mention clot brain
Brendan: I don't know why our scoop system makes me so happy, but I also don't question it.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I like your happiness
Ramb$ne Gracie: you got clothe brain
gellaho: Book recognized that it was getting quite boring
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I like Turtle Pope and Rachel liking Brendans happiness.
Ramb$ne Gracie: yes; MELT FACES
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ohhhh hoooooooh they did bring Big Jake along and make it a threesome.
LyraV: I like Flippant Sausage, their cats and Rachel liking Brendans Happiness
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Paczki for everyone.
gellaho: They go back to Earth to find the people that are trying to kill Phil
LyraV: it WAS exciting when our faces melted off.
gellaho: Body double van
Ramb$ne Gracie: i hope that happens to me and other hotdogs when we're doing a roadtrip
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I hope its ninja bikers!; And we have a sweet war bus.; And someone surfs it while doing karate.
Brendan: I'll say this: there's a plot.; That's not true every week.
gellaho: They go back to Nikki's apartment. Apparently the bad guys only use bag ladies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah "weird scientist builds custom van" is A plot.
gellaho: Got the vomit program going
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I'm pretty sure Phil is wanted in connection to his clone fucker best friend and the emotionally damaged superhuman he's currently convinced blowjobs are how people say "Pass the piss bags"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Who are they trading with? Are there other moon people?
gellaho: This bag lady went with the shotty instead of the needler
gellaho: Which is my move
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Is Kraig sending clone bag ladies after his ex girlfriendsisterdaughter?; He should choose better assassins.
Ramb$ne Gracie: all the bag ladies are also Kraigs; he's running a factory in the asteroid belt
gellaho: They have successfully gassed the bag lady
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Phil and Nikki have to hitch a ride on a Rastafarian's space tug to get access to Straylight.
LyraV: Or he could have just killed her when they broke up and he fired her.
gellaho: The truth of the RODS
Brendan: Jesus
Ramb$ne Gracie: i'm not comfortable with their use of the word "load"
gellaho: The ole reverse truth serum
Brendan: Is she from the John Wick Hobo Dojo? Is this a crossover?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The Jowick Hobojo if you will.
gellaho: The well-known ritual suicide of the bag lady
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "Ah yes, I recall this from my travels. This bag lady is a member of the Black Lotus, a fanatical clan of international assassins! They poison themselves with a cyanide capsule in their molar rather than be caught!"
gellaho: Time for some bag lady espionage
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That apartment's carpet is doomed tho.; First assassin gets decapped and sprays all over, and now a dead one from poison is shitting all over the carpets.
gellaho: Time to go to the parking garage
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Well that's what they get for having white carpets honestly
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "The bag ladys armor was a perfect fit for the tall, lithe superhuman beauty."; Hahahaha the famous Catacombs of New Denver.
Brendan: I'd feel bad if i decapitated my assassin only to learn they were shooting to stun.
gellaho: The bag lady assassin brigade
Brendan: But then I realized in this scenario I'm a Chris Hemsworth character whose past has led him to feel nothing except the extreme edge of life's blade, which I/he tempers with drugs, and also I think this might secretly be an Indian studio action movie hiding it for some reason? Anyway, I don't feel bad because she knew the game :lights cigar:
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: couldn't not be Kraig at this point
gellaho: The first one shot about 500 needles, so I don't think that one was looking for information
LyraV: He missed those bulletproof face masks, nice.
Brendan: Kraig is kidnapping his loved ones.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Unless theres a second weirdo who can clone people and the writer is too much a hack to mention its common as fuuuuck now.
gellaho: I'm stealing "An Overdose of Weird"
gellaho: That's my autobiography now
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: That is such a 70s phrase Hunter S Thompson would use to describe doing mescaline with Harold Braunhut.
gellaho: Well, I've officially lost my mind
Ramb$ne Gracie: "space van? nah we're going back to denver"
gellaho: But we got our Ice; @alfredo disco jakesy (69) Ice alert
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: What
gellaho: And he's dressed like Abe Lincoln this time
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Ohhhhhhh this is probably fine.
Ramb$ne Gracie: Syruppy bass voice; he sounds like a Big Mouth Billy Bass; but eating waffles
gellaho: And shark teeth
FancyShark: You have my attention
Ramb$ne Gracie: EJIL LINCOLN
gellaho: It's no "voice of doom," but not every writer can be Simon Hawke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh of course the black dude has sharpened teeth.
FancyShark: What's wrong with sharpened teeth?
Ramb$ne Gracie: "i don't go in for breakfast. sometimes i have a black coffee, though..."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Not a hack decision at all and certainly not a problematic bit of coding.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: This is just weird for weirdness' own sake isn't it; Like tim Burton lives here
gellaho: A very slapstick stun gun fight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Tim Burton but without Helena Bonham Carters lacy tits swanning around looking wan and gothy.
FancyShark: You're not one-shotting THIS Lincoln!
Brendan: He's moved on to Eva Green
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Kraig:; https://youtu.be/azpeg34tDJM
Brendan: Even sadbois need their Tig Biddy Goth Girls.
gellaho: Dobrynin!
FancyShark: Dobrynin to you too
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Phil......if you quote John Wilkes Booth now I will somehow erase you from the pages of fiction.
FancyShark: Do it, Phil. I dare you.
gellaho: Sick, Miami
FancyShark: Against the ninja!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Jake is still down for whatever huh?
Ramb$ne Gracie: Throat Mike usually hangs out in the swamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And they are.....fighting Big Energy? I guess?
gellaho: Yep, the old brain is starting to go
LyraV: The Miami Connection is made!
gellaho: Duncan's got some very odd turns of phrase. Mostly dealing with the belly button
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I dont like that the white character and his clone fuckbuddy have abolished this black guys free will via chemically enhanced suggestion.
alfredo disco jakesy (69): Fuck yeah
LyraV: This guy spent a lot of time thinking about navel angles.
FancyShark: I hate when my food stumbles into my throat. Clumsy sammich
gellaho: Seems legit
Brendan: Until I measure his lats for myself and see the wounds in his hands, I will not believe it.; That's right, Jesus was an Ice. What, you got a problem with a Black Jesus? Maybe YOU are the racist.
FancyShark: I shouldn't laugh at the phrase "protective dikes", but I'm immature
Ramb$ne Gracie: ok what if they used the rods to make Miami fly though
gellaho: Dobrynin is into pink limousines
FancyShark: Ah. A man of taste
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: did they skin pink snakes?
gellaho: Why? Duncan, why?
FancyShark: Dobrynin knows that anything is possible with Barbie Pimpin' Limo
gellaho: why?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: RCShasta is the better brand, DUNCAN.
LyraV: Fantasprite
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Also Pepsi and Coke would never merge.
FancyShark: I prefer SquirtYello
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: He's avoided real brands this whole time and WHY
Ramb$ne Gracie: i'd like a MisterDoctor please
LyraV: You are killing it today for reals
gellaho: Miami is just GTA Vice City then
FancyShark: Daww, thanks! You too!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Okay enough watersports jokes, hi-pee.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: It would be like that arc of Judge Dredd where McDonalds and Burger King form warring tribes of post apocalyptic goobers.
Brendan: The Shark is a frequent MVP of these gatherings.
gellaho: Bag Lady Army
FancyShark: I learn from the best. I.E. all of you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Dobrynin is like a Qadaffi but he likes gross hobo GMILFs.
Ramb$ne Gracie: so many Kraigs
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: The clones helped Duncan avoid thinking up a fifth character
gellaho: I can't be sure, but I think Dobrynin might be fat
gellaho: It's subtle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Man no wonder Kraig was so rich, he's selling Kraigs to every Kraig, Craig, and Kreige.
FancyShark: He's approaching Chet levels
LyraV: Future Steven Seagal NOOO!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: CARL VS BARON HARKONNEN!
FancyShark: oh god, and he's in a pink toga
Ozzie: Fuck, ya beat me to it
gellaho: It's just becoming a random assortment of words
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: finally an effeminate villain and to think I called Duncan a hack
gellaho: I think Duncan understands football as much as Browne understood baseball
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nipple sequins, nice.
FancyShark: "A young person of dubious sex" was how I first described myself on Plenty of Fish
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: honestly id swipe right
Fatamatician: Curator: You totally thought that was a buffet
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Or drop a line or whatever you do on fish dating sites
FancyShark: I put in my order. It's not my fault they couldn't deliver!
Djonin, Catgirl victim: This is the objectively correct way to play
gellaho: Duncan has lost his damn mind
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I thought the same thing about Lord Wellington's Beef Trapeze.
Fatamatician: Curator: What about Fish Pockets
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: okay I think twenty chapters in we can stop expositing irrelevant information directly to the audience; please???
Brendan: This fundamentally misunderstands the structure of sport as war-porn.
FancyShark: I mean, I'd watch a cheerleader get sacrificed. If I got to pick who the cheerleader was
Brendan: The fertility nymphs (cheerleaders, ring girls) are there as symbols of the rewards of violence.; Not its casualties.; It's fucked up, it's just the reverse fucked up of this.
FancyShark: Can't hear you. Turning people into chum on TV
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Just a good ol game of Mutant League Baseball.
gellaho: A little Rush reference for the nerds in the audience
FancyShark: Though his mind is not for rent; To any Kraig or government
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh damn they Manchurian Candidateded Abe Lincoln!
Brendan: Bring it back and I will return to gaming.
gellaho: Naughty boys and girls
FancyShark: I need another three or four chapters to know if this guy's supposed to be a sex pest
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: This is the laziest critique of capitalism I've ever seen.; Fuck you Duncan.; I bet you thought you were being real smart, huh?
Brendan: Mining the moon sounds...ill-advised.
gellaho: When all else fails, mind control
FancyShark: "What if money people bad?"
FancyShark: Sure, the canaries are going to be expensive to ship
gellaho: I've seen plenty lazier in here
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "So we brainwashed the bad guy. Turns out the fascists were right all along, reader."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: hey you know how diamond scarcity is artificial what if like technology was like that? Then the rich would horde all the child-brained incest sex clones
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I'm Todd McFarlane
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And this is why I'm not sorry the Queen is dead.
FancyShark: We're just going to gloss over programming people with drugs?
Ramb$ne Gracie: doncha think?
gellaho: Convenient
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Free will of the masses is an impediment to the will of the Superior Man, so we reprogrammed the gross fat guy, something something free market.
gellaho: It's fine because they tried to drug them first
FancyShark: "You're not going to kill-"; "I did that ten minutes ago."; "Wrong thing to steal"
LyraV: Everyone will be floating around the Moon in Vans! It'll be dope as fuck!
gellaho: Classic mind control ethics
Ozzie: Shoulda just had her shoot it with the laser again.
gellaho: I'm guessing Duncan was a huge nerd in high school
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I legit have seen a better examination of the ethics of superhuman demigods fixing all your shitty problems in a novel named something like Deathstalker.
Brendan: Can I fuck your wife if I'm good?; I'll be your best friend.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No you have to be baaaaaad.; And wear a leather jacket.; And smoke.
Brendan: Best I can do is spikes and a sentient cloak
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And maybe slap Todd around and call him a little bitch with pretty princess feet.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: listen my wife can fuck everybody she wants but I have to warn y'all: she's very gay
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: hmm now I'm coming around
gellaho: Time to break out the nerds
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I can be weirdly persuasive when I havent had much sleep.
gellaho: This is quickly becoming a nerd fantasy
FancyShark: SOUND THE INHALER! HERALD THEIR APPROACH!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: it started with genetically perfect sex slave clones gellaho
Ramb$ne Gracie: the opener was like every isekai anime for sure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah it was a nerd fantasy about the time teen Kraig fucked his sisterdaughter.; Just after she sloshed out of the vat.
LyraV: He grew her, slept with her then left her for himself. Kraig you scoundrel.
gellaho: It's now about how sports fans are secretly huge gay dudes
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: classic virgo
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And he went to all the trouble of emotionally damaging her so badly she'd bang Phil.
gellaho: And scientists being imprisoned for being so smart
FancyShark: Is that bingo? Someone have bingo?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He could have landed the Clone Threesome.; But he wussed out.
Ramb$ne Gracie: the scientists are also the only ones boning
FancyShark: I think Seanbaby has shown us sex guides that were less sad than this
Brendan: TODAY
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: At least Damien Sexbone the Dick Warlock didnt suggest you create a fuckable clone of yourself.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: hey damien is actually pretty nice when you get to know him
gellaho: They have accidentally popped the underwater prison
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He was just like "Hey what if you sniff her shoes? And masturbate like a lot but ritualistically."
FancyShark: It's a terrible idea to fuck your clone because you'll both want the same side of the bed
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Plus he has accrued much anime knowledge so, y'know, every girl's dream
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And nobody is hurt by ritual masturbation.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: clearly you and I have different methods
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Except maybe the odd wizard but they know what they are in for when it comes to a wizards duel.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Well nobody who doesnt consent anyway.
Brendan: If you have sex with your clone and she gets pregnant do you have legal clear runway to authorize the abortion?
FancyShark: I will applaud the author for making bag ladies the faceless goons. That is crazy in a new flavor
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Depends on the state.
Brendan: Trick question: 100% of the time, nobody wants a flipper baby.
Ozzie
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I dunno I'd kinda like a little fleshy seal baby to entertain me.
FancyShark: Me too. No other reason; None
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And once you fuck your clone sisterdaughter you are on some Caligula level shit and morality is gone.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: is it too dark to make an American supreme court joke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Nah.
FancyShark: That's when you make your modifhorse in charge of the senate
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: about how women don't get bodily autonomy
gellaho: They get out of the prison with everybody
Ramb$ne Gracie: nice to meet you jock who isn't based on my high school bully
FancyShark: "Everyone laughed and we got on to other things" is how you end an episode of Mama's Family, not a prison break
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I mean at that point you are inventing new boundaries to transgress and God can't even judge you because its not like he made a rule about shit like
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Whatever is going on here.
gellaho: Fuckin France
FancyShark: I think that's called "Rachel's Wednesday"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Yeah that's NP on the left
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha eat a dick, global capitalism.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I love the idea you live your life like a Boris Vallejo painting.
Brendan: I thought I already made it, so feel free to give us the informed version.
Ramb$ne Gracie: good ol country of Africa
Brendan: Is this the catgirls those swamp people keep talking about?
FancyShark: Typical male author making the whole world riot over his rod
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yes.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I dunno man im already high
LyraV: I genuinely wonder how many total rods in this book, it's gotta be so many.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I think he made like eight or twelve?
gellaho: Jake gets stolen by bag ladies.; Yahhhhhhhhhhgggggggggg
gellaho: 103
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I forget and my brain is too soup to check
LyraV: No I mean actual uses of the word 'rod'
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: gotta catch em all ANTIGRAV RODS
Brendan: Maybe it's a united confederation by now, we don't know. France just legally renamed Phil to Un Royale Avec Jaeger.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: ...who cares?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: With Cheese.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Like the world economy just collapsed why do we give a fuck about Big Jake? He's barely a character; His motivation was "space or bust"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He makes really good paczki tho!
FancyShark: Beloved character Large Jacob
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: then he kept helping cause he had nothing else to do. This is a massive drop in the stakes.
gellaho: I'm not really sure how, but this stops the bag ladies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: What will Nikki and Phil do without the third member of their polyamorous triad who makes jelly donuts with rum?!
FancyShark: Spinning donuts is textbook bag lady fighting tactics
Brendan: Have you had a paczki though
LyraV: He wrote most of this book while on a wooden roller coaster.
gellaho: I mean, there was more. But it was in the twenty pages of the moon I skipped
Brendan: It's Poland's answer to the spinning doughnut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah I used to live near a Polish bakery, they fuck hard.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Thank you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Well A bakery run by a nice old Polish couple.
FancyShark: They're delicious cue balls of sugar and jelly
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And if you ask nicely, rum.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: ooooh; Now you're speaking my language
gellaho: The legendary battle with the bag ladies
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Goes nicely with that Polish plum brandy I cant recall the name of cos pudding brain
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: rum and sweets is exactly how you win me over fyi
FancyShark: hahaha, they're bombing the bag ladies like it's the end of a Resident Evil game
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Noted if I ever need to seek shelter in Canada.
gellaho: But nevermind who shot the rocket; They evade and get back to Houston; Everyone claps
FancyShark: "Now let's get wrecked"
Brendan: Houston is a strong candidate for rocket shot though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Sixteen people means some of those peeps in that van were real intimate.
gellaho: Time to start a moon commune
Brendan: did I miss when they terraformed the moon?
FancyShark: If an entire group of people laughs politely, you are about to be stabbed
gellaho: They got transported from Miami to Houston somehow; I'm not going back to find out though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh noooooooo I do NOT like that Phil is now the head of a moon cult.
FancyShark: Or it's the audience of a kids play
gellaho: There are several abandoned bases on the moon
FancyShark: Either way, you're getting knifed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I'm just gonna guess the van normally seats eight and some people sat on laps.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Don't worry sausage, I'm sure Phil has a very mature and reasonable sense of sexual propriety
LyraV: He's sure to handle ruling the Moon Cult with the same kind of care that he's handled all of this; Scooped
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: sixteen polite laughs
gellaho: Duncan has entered his laughing period
Brendan: If you sit on your clone's lap it's really no different from curling into a ball while also having an erection, stop shifting, no, stop, it's fine it QUIT IT OW
FancyShark: oh shit! cheese it!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Cancel culture was about to go too far
FancyShark: Don't make me turn this moon around!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "hahahaha yeah, we would never kill you for reducing the world to a new dark age because you are a short sighted dipshit."; This is a Deus Ex ending, but one in Invisible War.
FancyShark: One you get just for the achievement
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Its Tracer Tongs ending.; He's such a negative Nancy.; When he should be an Upbeat Urara.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I wouldn't reload this book if it would cure my clone's moon cancer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I played Invisible War and it was better than this book.; Not by much.
FancyShark: Marginally; yeah
gellaho: RODS
FancyShark: "That's right, readers. No need to panic. My rod will never go wrong."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: "So we are calling it a cascade resonance. We THINK it might open up a portal to another dimension or someplace like super duper far away?"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: why is this book still going
Brendan: Space Van 2: Time Van
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: There are clones yet to be fucked.
FancyShark: Because the editor never existed
LyraV: I can't imagine what the side effects of gathering these rods together in a circle could be? Leave us Nikki while we experiment and find out.
gellaho: Everyone clapped
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: To be fair this is like the second or third skeeziest genetic sex deviance Ive ever read.
Brendan: Pride & Prejudice let inertia carry it 100 pages past its conclusion. Sometimes you just let genius do its thing.
FancyShark: "Phil, you can't use that word anymore"
LyraV: Science! Space Rods! All of it! I've lost track honestly.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Beaten out imo by a book with a canonical slave race of compliant furries whos name I cant recall and Sand Kings.
FancyShark: Paddington?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Woah Woah woah
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: No I remember it being a sci fi book.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Let's don't worry about all that right now
gellaho: That first sentence doesn't really match the rest of this
FancyShark: Space Paddington?; What's a question that's between intelligent and idiotic?
Brendan: How ironic: a parking lot packed with vans, all of them scared to fly.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Wait why would you WANT someone to ask a question between intelligent and idiotic in the first place?!
gellaho: I love that you guys hyperfocused on this when it hasn't returned since like the third chapter; All Kraig this and Kraig that
Brendan: AND AS THE VAN CRASHED DOWN, HE THOUGHT; A van fly in your chardonnayyyyyy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: We miss Kraig, so sue us.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: yeah I have this weird thing where horrific sex crimes stick in my head
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: He was the closest thing the book had to a real antagonist.
Brendan: A traffic jam when your van can't fly
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Call it a professional hazard, or maybe a lingering trace of my once humanity; Brendan you're a sweetie but the last thing we need right now is alanis
gellaho: All those clone criminals out there
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: And I have ten thousand knives when all I need is a spoon, okay
gellaho: Open Source RODS
Brendan: Thank you for independently confirming Canada sends us its best comedians and worst musicians, Rachel.
Ramb$ne Gracie: All i have is rods and a van when what i really need is a sex clone?
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: fuck you IP law
FancyShark: "You have my blessing to rod it up"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The gif library doesnt have a gif of one of the CAstlevania games with the Thousand Blades item crash so imagine that was here.
Brendan: Later that day, the rod-core terrorist bombings began
LyraV: Rods just flying around everywhere, crashing through shit.
FancyShark: By dusk, the world was reduced to Rods and The Hunted
Brendan: Rod powered railguns
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: People just start hucking rods into space, busts a hole in Jupiter.
FancyShark: Like a Quidditch match without any people
Brendan: Orbital bombardment; CURSE YOU ROD
FancyShark: Rods knocking airplanes out of the sky
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: That would solve the Morissette problem
gellaho: On the moon, the bots have created RODS, which have created GATES
Brendan: ...did not expect that GIF to mash up
FancyShark: Don't try to go all Neverending Story on us now!
gellaho: There are two pages left in this book
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Stupid shithead Phil realizes he has created a gravity lens that can core a planet when he accidentally turns Mars into asteroids.
FancyShark: Setting up sequel than never happened? SETTING UP SEQUEL?!
Brendan: He really is 2001ing this ending
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Hahahaha is he going Full Lensman?
FancyShark: I'm calling a shot; It ends with "The Beginning"
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I miss kraig
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Oh going Full Lensman is bold for an author this bad.
gellaho: Ahuh
Brendan: Final line: "Reader, I fucked her."
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Also for the record, I warp space; It's not special
gellaho: Trapped?
LyraV: He's chilling with his fuck clone on the beach of your imagination now.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: That's what gravity is. All matter distorts spacetime.
gellaho: Nope
gellaho: OK, nerd
FancyShark: Dammit, did not expect the Desi Arnez ending
Brendan: Checking the atmosphere seems like something you do before your air runs out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: complicated explanation involving weights, a rubber sheet, and the Trousers of Time.
FancyShark: If the book ended with them checking the air by taking off their helmets and dying, I would forgive everything we just read
gellaho: This was a book about a van
gellaho: And all human problems were solved; The End
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Huh this epilogue might have made a cool idea for a book, Duncan should write o.....nnn..eee................
FancyShark: DAMMIT; They made Mass Effect But Terrible
Ramb$ne Gracie: that's literally the setup for Hyperion
gellaho: We have defeated Anti-Grav Unlimited
FancyShark: WE DID IT!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: I don't feel like a victor; I feel defeated
FancyShark: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hewvaxaoCu8
LyraV: This one was especially awesome @gellaho thank you!
FancyShark: Thank you, @gellaho !; Fantastic riffing, everyone!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: When you crush the metaphorical snake that represents fucking your clone sister you tend to feel hollow.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: am I too high or did that ending make no sense and come out of nowhere?
FancyShark: You are and it was
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: And thanks @gellaho
Brendan: wait they still have to travel at c to the next system
gellaho: Weirdly, I think this became Bicycling Through Space and Time at the end
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: Yeah it felt like Duncan got bored.
Brendan: Like congratulations on your stargate but you are going to be centuries from setting up the next one.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: vans>bicycles
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: like "Welp, I wrote about a sweet flying space van. Time to hit the ol dusty trail."
LyraV: but the RODS!
FancyShark: "Oops, forgot the food"
1000 Space GDCs: I got a bit distracted by work during this, but nice work everyone.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: The thick, pulsing, hard RODS.
gellaho: That concludes the 73rd Edition of the Book Cage
Brendan: what a strange jaunt this was.; Did I like it?
gellaho: May your RODS fly ever straight and true
Brendan: It wasn't written by an idiot.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage: I think you did.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Elaborate
Brendan: I think I did.
FancyShark: It wasn't written by a sane person though
Brendan: Can't! Thai food is here. Later space-skaters.
FancyShark: Later, Brendan!
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Bye brendan
1000 Space GDCs: The author obviously knew something about electric motors.
Brendan: thanks, @gellaho You're the rod that drives the book van.
FancyShark: It's dinner time here too. Have a great night, hotdoggers!
Brendan: Also as long as we're talking MVPs, @1000 Space GDCs keeps silent and strikes with one shot, one kill.
FancyShark: GDC: Comedy Sniper
1000 Space GDCs: Aww, thanks.
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: GDC might have the best batting average but Shark has the most overall home runs imo
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: Lyra's my fav
1000 Space GDCs: Yeah, Shark sets a pace I can't keep up with.
gellaho: In many ways I resemble a strange array of RODS
Lehcar, Dog si ym Natas: oh huh it appears that by training in the hyperbolic time chamber that was this book, where every kraigless page went on for an eternity, I have achieved a level of power even beyond super saiyan; or something
LyraV: I've been smoking synthejuana in a Van with Rods for hours, who knows what was or wasn't achieved.