Godslayer Mickey Zucker Reichert

The gods had claimed him for a quest that would lead from the hell of human war to the very gates of Hel!

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gellaho
The Book Cage Episode 81 - Godslayer
This Book Cage falls on Veterans Day, so I thought what better than a book dedicated to the brave individuals who served. And who better to portray the tragedy of our boys in Vietnam than a female pediatrician in 1987 Iowa? Join me as we read "Mickey Zucker Reichert" aka Miriam S. Zucker's Godslayer. A book about a Vietnam veteran who dies and is sent to a mystical Norse realm of magic and mystery. It's approximately 40% 'Nam flashback!
gellaho
Ozzie
The kerning of MORTAL 'S on the back is gonna give me a fucking aneurysm.
Badgerman
I can't wait to see how they fuck up this kickass premise
I'm guessing it has something to do with the 40% Nam flashback by content
gellaho
This dedication will become quite funny as the book goes on
gellaho
I would say it's portrayal is insensitive, bordering on disrepectful
Badgerman
Uh oh
gellaho
This man has a 'Nam flashback every other page
Badgerman
Okay, strike one, dude gets transmuted into an elf right off the bat. Bull shit. Either put a GI Joe into high adventure fantasy land or fucking don't even bother
gellaho
Although my favorite detail is Miriam's Wikipedia, which reveals that she's slower than a tortoise
Ozzie
Have we independently confirmed that she isn't a hare?
Badgerman
I bet Miriam and the slow food movement biddy from Seanbaby's Book Games would get along famously
I like how the cover tagline looks really clever in text but if you try to read it aloud it just sounds awkward and redundant
Ozzie
Wouldn't going from the hell of war to the gates of hell be a reduction of dangerous circumstances?
Badgerman
Like, who are you going to have to deal with, a really ornery Evil St Peter maybe
What's he gonna do, turn you away for not being metal enough?
gellaho
What did Sheila Gilbert do?
Badgerman
Yo what the fuck Joel
gellaho
That is just an insane list of things
Ozzie
"my father for pretending to discourage me" took me like 3 tries to wrap my head around.
And it's still fucking weird.
Badgerman
Who is Mark Fabi and why do we care about what he wrote in another book
Ozzie
Ozzie
This isn't a fucking satire?
Or is Miriam being passive aggressive at this dude's stupid book?
gellaho
So, yeah, that's the woman who tried to write a sensitive and nuanced portrayal of a man traumatized by war getting turned into a Norse elf.
I'm sure she can thread that needle.
Badgerman
Oh Miriam's going into the wall for sure
Ozzie
Have you brought this book up before?
Or was it a remarkably similar one?
gellaho
When I got it a while ago
This first Google result is also fantastic
godless juice jakesy
Well that didn't work
Anyway
godless juice jakesy
There we go
gellaho
Coming up on the top of the hour, it's our Veterans Day celebration with Godslayer. Here is the preview
Badgerman
FIRE LANCED BEFORE LARSON! THE STABBING FIRES! SETTING THE FOREST ON FIRE!
"FIRE!", HE ELLIPSES'D!
FancyShark
Lungs are where screams are made
Badgerman
Shout Factory got some 'splaining to do
Ramb$ne Gracie
Wait is this the Vietnam veteran isekai?
Badgerman
Yes
Ramb$ne Gracie
Oh hell yes
Badgerman
For Veterans' Day!
Also @gellaho it may interest you to know that Book Cage is one of the ways I try to shill 1900🌭 to personal acquaintances
FancyShark
That's a great idea!
gellaho
Time to begin the process
1000 Space GDCs
I love being able to shut off my work laptop and pick up my discord.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's never going to be able to lift that sword if he skips leg day.
Badgerman
If this book doesn't give an elf an M16 at some point it's even more of a failure than we're already going to learn it is
Agent of Fortune
Yeah I went to my LCS to see if they had any copies and the owner said I was the third person to ask
FancyShark
Sucks to be you, Everyone Else Fighting In Vietnam
gellaho
And just as an FYI, because it's going to happen immediately, there are two different mentions of sexual assault. There's no portrayal, but the second is such a tremendous example of narrative ineptitude that I will have to bring it up.
FancyShark
Yikes. Thank you for the heads up
Brendan
LET'S GO, DORKS
gellaho
If it is not a children's book, there is always a risk of it. So just take solace in the fact that nobody has ever read these books and they don't matter
Badgerman
They die alone and unremembered as we banish them to the Book Cage
gellaho
And remember, this is for the troops
gellaho
I!
1000 Space GDCs
When was this published? Trying to figure out if Brahmin and Ahngmar are internet handles.
gellaho
1987
Badgerman
ARE YA READY KIDS?
I! I, CAPTAIN!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
I! I, CAPTAIN!
OHHHHHHHHH
1000 Space GDCs
I guess they could be usenet handles
FancyShark
I'm sure the author isn't frontloading this book with a bunch of expectations they can't hope to meet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's probably his D&D group.
gellaho
The prologue is all about the villain
Badgerman
I think they might actually be the gods we meet in the story
gellaho
She frontloads it with a villain who disappears from the middle of the book
Badgerman
None dare question Bramin's swinging package!
1000 Space GDCs
I've seen those stones in claws at hot topic
FancyShark
And on cool furniture
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All high ranking wizards shop at Hot Topic.
Brendan
Usenet BBS handles.
Badgerman
As they should
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And the store that sells polished rocks.
gellaho
He's angry and loves power, always good
Brendan
HAM toques
Badgerman
Ahhh, classic wizard vizier build
Brendan
Wait, okay no I know what this is.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You can tell he's a wizard because angrily brushing hair out of his eyes tires him out.
Brendan
This is fanfic communities/newsletters/pen pas
gellaho
So, there it is. And some bonus fantasy racism
FancyShark
Weakness of any sort. So god help you if you ask someone to open a pickle jar in earshot of him
Badgerman
Just drop that right in there, Miriam
FancyShark
The writing implies the city is the product of rape
1000 Space GDCs
how much hair does he have that flicking it back saps his remaining strength?
Badgerman
A comma's worth
At least
1000 Space GDCs
this is just regular racism, though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Instant disintigration if you dont lift.
gellaho
I don't approve of this giant violence
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Must have taken him a while to saw off a giants head.
FancyShark
Just thumbin' that sack
Badgerman
He thumbed it so hard because he was tired that the rope fucking broke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Getting tired and wheezy halfway thru.
Badgerman
Which is totally a thing that happens
1000 Space GDCs
I guess Redselr sounds norse enough to get the point across
FancyShark
It took days
gellaho
And now he almost kills himself putting the head back in the bag
Brendan
He's a willow! BOKEEEEEEE
Badgerman
And people bitched when Luke died from the effort of astral projecting across the galaxy. Waitll they get a load of this wimpass
1000 Space GDCs
For someone who hates weakness he seems to be struggling a lot
FancyShark
This is the guy who hates weakness?
gellaho
He's very tired from killing the giant
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He seems like a totally reasonable and stable dude.
Brendan
Author had to show him a nervous klutz to also show he's the dad from Firestarter.
gellaho
And as a reward he has earned himself a woman
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just leave your giant heads on the floor my dude. You look like a jagoff if you admit you dropped it.
Badgerman
Woo patriarchy!
FancyShark
Lady = Cost 1 Giant
1000 Space GDCs
That's not sustainable
Badgerman
For my daughter's hand will you face ANDRE THE GIANT, THIS SUNDAY AT HELL IN A CELL?!?!
gellaho
And the king is into it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hes way too tired to fuck, he's gonna swap her for a handful of crystals and a succubus's phone number.
Badgerman
Jesus, King. Keep it in your royal bedchambers
gellaho
This is what is called master wizard puberty
Brendan
You'd think this elfling would be more sensitive to women being given away as a reward for sword and sorcering
gellaho
That is quite a coincidence for Slime
gellaho
I mean Silme
FancyShark
Sister Typo and Brother Sic
Brendan
A princess seems worth way more than five chests of gold or parcel of land
gellaho
If only there were some kind of sign that Bramin would be evil
FancyShark
Unless she's used
ugh, sorry
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe shes not a very good princess.
Brendan
This passage implies the elf bastard is Jared Kushner.
Badgerman
Hate it when my pride is wounded with derision
Brendan
This is such a mid-70s fantasy dork sentence to write.
gellaho
Get you a lady with fish eyes
FancyShark
Her eyes are that way so she can take a drink while still watching for predators
Badgerman
"artistically high" means nothing
gellaho
(I think she's into it)
1000 Space GDCs
She's the Mick Fleetwood alien from star trek
Badgerman
Maybe she's got Bella Swan's disease and she's just like that naturally?
FancyShark
I always know a date's going well when she's actively searching for exits
Brendan
Was she just gonna stand there and watch them bring out five chests of gold?
gellaho
First in three hundred years, huh? Tough break
Badgerman
I know you just murdered a giant to win my hand but I WOULD TEST YOUR LOVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man imagine what had to have happened to make that shit a law in the first place.
Just........maybe ask women if they want to marry you first?
Seems crazy I know.
1000 Space GDCs
I wonder why they enacted that law
gellaho
Not really sure what happened to her here
FancyShark
They went through a lot of princesses before they realized the suitor was a dragon
Badgerman
Doctor Beckett jumped into her there towards the end I think
Brendan
How would we ever distribute land then?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well thats bullshit. Just admit you are too racist to love a wizard, lady.
gellaho
He is having a great day
FancyShark
Pamphlets?
Brendan
If you loved me, you would murder a stranger.
1000 Space GDCs
She seems like a real catch
Badgerman
Man, we couldn't wait like a day for him to rest up before having this ceremony?
Badgerman
Again!
FancyShark
Now you're quoting my last date
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If this guy is the villain im starting to sympathize with him.
gellaho
This will turn out well, I'm sure
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dude take a hint. Shes not into you.
Badgerman
Hate it when my life aura dwindles to nearly nothing
I usually have to take a really long nap when that happens
Brendan
If everyone you meet gibes you, maybe YOU'RE the gibe.
FancyShark
Remember back at the start when offending a wizard meant instant death?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I hate being gibed. Takes forever to clean the walls.
Brendan
Good to know this man hasn't smiled cruelly in a week or two.
gellaho
THE MOST FEARED WIZARD IN THE LAND RETURNS TO MOMMY'S HOUSE
Brendan
So if his opponent kills him, does that rando get to marry Halfjirefia?
Badgerman
Finally, a villain for me
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah in this economy? Rent isnt cheap, even for wizards.
Badgerman
Fucking Ye Olde Blackrock
gellaho
And then he has a temper tantrum in his childhood bunkbed
FancyShark
Bramin tosses the giant's head on the pile with the other dead mythical monsters
1000 Space GDCs
I'm not sure if the giant slaying was a necessary step
Brendan
All I'm getting is Angry Incel Moves Home, which is the weird basis for a hero.
Badgerman
God this dude is such a loser. I love him already
gellaho
He be the villain
Brendan
Oh, but he's a Gary Stu so it's society's fault for not recognizing hi--wait a second, is this jordan Peterson?
gellaho
We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Is he gonna do Wizard Benzos and tell us to clean our rooms?
gellaho
Silme is about to give him the worst advice I've ever seen
Badgerman
It's more endearing if it's a fake person
He "whirled like a cornered beast" in the top loft of his bunk bed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I cant read her name as anything but Slime now.
Sister Slime.
FancyShark
"Scootched uncomfortably for several seconds like a cornered beast" didn't have the same ring to it
gellaho
I am also unconvinced
1000 Space GDCs
I think he tried to whirl but it came out as more of a flounce
FancyShark
She wrote the law but didn't use it?
Badgerman
Pesky ex post facto legal bullshit I reckon
FancyShark
"I think Halfrija wants to join the Women's Gold Tour, brother"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah maybe Halfie is a lesbian, Slime, did you think of that?
gellaho
The bad advice parade continues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or maybe shes just not into marriage?
Brendan
So he's effectively known her for a year out of a decade
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or any of fifty other reasons.
gellaho
That first paragraph, just FYI makes no sense given what happens in the rest of the book. Everybody fuckin' loves Silme
Brendan
Emily Dickinson never married because she was scared of her elf-suitors
gellaho
And everybody knows her
1000 Space GDCs
She never married, she's just very close friends with her handmaid
Badgerman
If you're such a great wizard why don't you just make your dream girl homunculus and leave the woman you keep negging be
gellaho
Reminder that this is a book dedicated to soldiers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Homunculi do the weird stuff. Also the wyrd stuff.
Brendan
If you have to train for a decade to kill a giant just so a frightened woman to reject you to test whether you'll kill another stranger and prove yourself worthy of murdering Tuskens, maybe your society sucks.
This is exhausting.
You could train for a year and band together to kill raiders.
You could be fucking that whole time.
STOP PLAYING HEAD GAMES, LADIES
FancyShark
Halfrija has a pool, though
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Im very pro "Burn down the city with magical fire and fuck off to my rad tower instead of marrying some rich ho." for this guy.
Badgerman
A book with themes every soldier can relate to like "negging a woman who keeps rejecting you" and "living with your mom"
gellaho
Seems healthy
Badgerman
Wait. That was supposed to be a joke but I think I just dunked on like 60% of servicemembers.
FancyShark
Yep, that's incel template 1
Brendan
Halfrija might be using her dumb brother to get close to her real girlfriend.
1000 Space GDCs
This is just stalking.\
gellaho
sad trombone
Brendan
hahahaha she is never going to fuck you
FancyShark
Okay, bold move
Badgerman
Oh hey I've seen Brave too
Brendan
She would literally rather die.
Halfrija is the real hero of this story.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol turn her into a fucking bat and leave, my guy.
FancyShark
I like that she said her offer is withdrawn if he uses magic or magic weapons
Brendan
Her nemesis chases her her entire life and she gets the courage to confront this creep head on.
gellaho
"Now I know love and pain"
Badgerman
"Pained like blows"
gellaho
Might want to see why before you start applauding her
FancyShark
"I'm getting mixed signals from her," he thought.
Brendan
...wait, the priests of this hellworld chant kill or be killed and then sacrifice things?
1000 Space GDCs
So I guess this rule was created as an escape clause in case some creep rolls up with a giant head demanding a princess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah she went there.
Badgerman
KAAR EN TUK
Floygwai
Hi folks. I'd like to contribute to this discussion for once. Did the devil just get friend-zoned?
FancyShark
Racist-zoned
Badgerman
Oh we're far beyond friend zoning
gellaho
Slapped by cruelty
Brendan
This guy only knows pain to the degree that he mistakes it for love.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck I didnt think shed go and say the quiet part out loud.
Brendan
"She led me on by spurning me for ten years."
1000 Space GDCs
This guy has stalked her for ten years and didn't notice all the slurs she kept using?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also fuck her for thinking rats dont want to improve their station in life. Thats why they live in our houses.
FancyShark
The hard R means love
Badgerman
Everyone is awful to each other and there's nobody worth rooting for. If this were published fifty years later we would be hailing it as a masterpiece of gray morality
Brendan
Rats are clean and sociable.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cute little fingies too.
Brendan
100% of dark elves in our sample set don't acknowledge women's boundaries.
1000 Space GDCs
Yeah, I'm deeply invested in the relationship between the incel and the racist
gellaho
Well, I'm sure Halfrija's got this
I got you Rachel for Christmas
that's th phrase i want to see when i enter a book cage
Brendan
This is what the author thinks of his fan-fic friend, Brahmin.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Im rooting for his response to be lightning and hellfire based. oooooh or maybe conjure up a flying ape man to carry her off.
gellaho
Ah, guess the honey moon is off
gellaho
Floygwai
Truly a match made in R'lyeh
gellaho
This tale of Vietnam is written by a female pediatrician
I got you Rachel for Christmas
That kill quip sucked
FancyShark
He'll be kicking himself for days for not having a better kill quip
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Should have said "Nice to choke you."
Badgerman
The lowercase "lady" just makes him sound like a loser
I got you Rachel for Christmas
all out of death level
Brendan
In a way, all princesses are Cambodia, and all dark elves are Kissinger.
Badgerman
Fucking "til death do us part" was right there
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Okay jordan peterson
FancyShark
Oh shit, that's good
gellaho
And my work here is done
Floygwai
Fits the incel character perfectly, though, you gotta admit
gellaho
We gotta get you guys better points of reference
Brendan
We already placed Peterson in this cosmology.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahaha now we are wizarding.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
oh no
FancyShark
I assume this means the wedding's off?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He's a wizard so maybe not.
gellaho
Bramin contemplates necrophilia
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Either way im keeping the panini press i got them
FancyShark
Shit, @Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage called it
Brendan
It took this guy 12 pages to go from knight errant to necromancer megavillain
Floygwai
The high fantasy body pillow. That's where we've gone now? Really?
Badgerman
So we're right back to where we would have been if he had just gotten over himself and built a pleasure golem
gellaho
But decides to turn her to dust and have a temper tantrum instead
Brendan
he real-dolled the love of his life.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He hasnt even STARTED doing wizard shit to her corpse. I can think of five or six ways he could go about this.
1000 Space GDCs
To be fair, the first time I brought a girl to my dorm room it was about this awkward.
Badgerman
Hate spawns hate you guys. So deep. Much nuance. Waow
I got you Rachel for Christmas
You really shouldn't have killed her
Brendan
I sometimes ponder calling up my first kiss to apologize.
FancyShark
Thank god he just disintegrated the racist woman instead of defiling the corpse
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just sweep up for later. Corpse dust has a long shelf life.
gellaho
Perfectly logical
Brendan
But do girls care that he shows this consideration?
Brendan
Yeah he cuts a strong Anakin profile
FancyShark
Pfft, of course not! Too busy with their Palachads
I got you Rachel for Christmas
You're all just seeing star wars cause of the incest vibes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmon dont blame Slime, she didnt know. Dont be a dick wizard.
Brendan
To be fair, we also thought she was messing with him.
Badgerman
And yet even though this guy commands so much more cosmic power I'm still confident in saying Anakin was way cooler
gellaho
The best indication that this was written by a woman is how often she says straight men think Loki is the most beautiful thing they've ever seen
Floygwai
I'm not sure I'm still okay with the fact that they basically congealed into a clump of dried blood clot but I guess it's better than most alternatives
Brendan
At least Anakin can use the force without getting a hangover.
Badgerman
Tom Hiddleston wasn't that hot. Come on
I got you Rachel for Christmas
disagree
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cool did he conjure a fuckboi?
Badgerman
He's just so reedy!
Floygwai
Damn, man. When's the last time you washed that life aura? You live like this?!
1000 Space GDCs
That's just his roommate, Chad
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I mean... i can't judge
FancyShark
Just once, I want to see an author get all sloppy for someone wildly outside the bounds of beauty standards
gellaho
They'll let him back into wizard school after that?
FancyShark
Sorry, quoting my Tindr profile
Brendan
Fanfic-level women writing bad boys is one of my guilty delights because it's always like...the guy that other men would laugh at to his face. See also: Christian Grey. I know men writing women is a much broader genre, but we have to acknowledge the "Okay, nice tough talk there, guy" phenomenon.
Badgerman
Hatespawn sounds like a Todd Macfarlane title
FancyShark
A spinoff, possibly from a line trying to tackle The Issues
I got you Rachel for Christmas
That would explain the incellery
Floygwai
Goddammit I didn't want to think about the Violator more than once this week but here we are again
Brendan
Loki is just the recruiter for someone bigger?
gellaho
A fun prank sword
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Look, if you havent gotten rejected by your local rulers racist daughter and burned down the court, you arent really ready for Advanced Wizarding.
Badgerman
"How far would you go to win the woman of your dreams? Would you kill a giant? Would you kill another person after that even though you were really tired? Even if that person was the woman you loved who really hated you and was also a racist? Women, amirite? Hi, I'm Todd Macfarlane."
I got you Rachel for Christmas
so ... i am ready?
gellaho
Very perceptive
FancyShark
This sounds like the tackiest prop
Floygwai
Helblindi pls
play dee em cee 2
gellaho
Vet-fucking-nam
1000 Space GDCs
Came from the same hot topic as the staff
Brendan
Ten years of wizard training and getting headhunted by gods, and this guy never suspected a greater reality than classmates who tease him and the girl with pretty eyes in 4th period runecasting.
gellaho
Meet Al
Floygwai
Oh, so we haven't even started the book proper yet? That was just some self-insert demidemon nonsense?
Badgerman
Oh my god it's another fucking nerd
FancyShark
Never quote other people's works in your own unless you're prepared for comparisons
1000 Space GDCs
teenagers, right?
Badgerman
He's the only soldier who reads
1000 Space GDCs
definitely the only soldier that calls it excrement
FancyShark
Al Larson vs evil hellspawn. Are we sure this ISN'T Todd MacFarlane?
gellaho
Al gets asked about his book and immediately starts spiraling
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Nam would have been so much more interesting if dragons were involved.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
not enough cuckoldry
Badgerman
I keep thinking she named this guy Al Jolson. Maybe it's because of the isekai elfface later
FancyShark
oh jesus, he's reading about theology to be smart. The Vietcong might have been on the right side
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You dont belong in the military if a corporal can reduce you to tears.
Floygwai
"I won't allow any smart-asses in this unit, son! Forty push-ups! NO KNEES THIS TIME!"
gellaho
Fisher makes a great point
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I mean
Badgerman
This dude started going on a rant about atheism and when told to stop immediately started crying. So your average r/atheist
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck I hate him already.
Badgerman
More than they were already, anyway
Floygwai
He's speed-running getting his dick punched
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He would definitely "accidentally" catch some friendly fire.
gellaho
So, they go out and immediately everyone else dies
Brendan
I would prefer to read about Odin's revenant berserker legion.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Trap" he's talking about Loki
FancyShark
The lesson? Do your damn homework, kids
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I CAN MAKE THAT JOKE
Brendan
"Loosed an oath."
"Bring her on and let her scream!" --Twain
1000 Space GDCs
I'm glad we met those characters
Badgerman
This could have been a buddy cop enemies to friends adventure about a Viet Cong and a US Marine trapped in Norse fantasy land fighting to get home and instead its about bullying nerds
gellaho
There goes Gavin
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Fucknuggets," specifically
Brendan
Bullying nerds like Nixon and Kissinger is how we ended up in Vietnam.
Badgerman
Yeah, he clutched his gun like a teddy bear, the fucking wimp
gellaho
This is the first (but not the last!) time she infantilizes a soldier. In this book dedicated to soldiers
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Welp. Gavin wont be enriching the sex workers of Saigon anymore.
Brendan
Honestly, Al, 60,000 Americans died and you're not one of them.
Badgerman
We refuse to recognize your contributions to the war. There were none.
FancyShark
Can we follow Gary Larson instead?
Badgerman
Holy shit please
gellaho
And he decides to go out embracing a dead mythology he barely read about
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thats like 30 9\11s!
Badgerman
And that's terrible.
1000 Space GDCs
Al died, accomplishing nothing
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You picked Freyr? DORK!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I would've gone with Chrom myself
Floygwai
Oh contraire, mon Freyr
gellaho
And turned into an elf
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Mighty Thor at least you imperialist cuck.
Badgerman
He really is the guy that just goes into the old religions to be hip and different
FancyShark
This would rule if it turned out a different religion was the right one and they heard Larson pull this shit
Badgerman
Namedropping the Vulcans is a hard confirm on the dorkery
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Zoroaster gave him pointy ears as a prank
FancyShark
"Wait! Vulcan! That's who I should have prayed to!"
gellaho
Freyr is very helpful
Badgerman
Speaking in my professional capacity as a dork
Floygwai
This is the part where it hard-cuts to that football fantasy thing with Tiny Tim in it we saw a few weeks back, right?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahahah hes a knife eared dork now!
Badgerman
Wait, you can just call gods by name and they'll pay attention to you?
Like I can just scream into the night for Hermes to bring me a cheese pizza?
1000 Space GDCs
Calling out to a god means they get to send you on quests
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Freyr hasnt had anyone to talk to aside from his sister for centuries.
gellaho
"And fuck you for asking"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
yeah but Athena does not like being bugged for chess tips
Badgerman
THE WHITE CHRIST
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Call you up Dionysus, he knows how to party.
FancyShark
This author yada yadas at a breakneck pace
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Jesus, famously the only white man in the middle east
gellaho
How video game of you, Miriam
Badgerman
Honestly acknowledging that the White Evangelical Jesus perversion is a thing is a bold fucking move from this book
FancyShark
Miriam, you had a chance to set up a whole mythology and you went with a tutorial quest prompt?
Brendan
My first instinct is to always touch my ears when I wake up in doeskin, a leather I definitely recognize on sight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She might as well have had him say "It's dangerous to go alone, take this."
gellaho
He finds a pond, and is very concerned about his hair
Floygwai
Okay good, so now we're in a superflat Minecraft map
wait never mind
Brendan
Ahura Mazda rules as far as sky-dad gods go.
FancyShark
I'm glad he got over the brutal massacre of his whole platoon so quickly
Badgerman
I like his cars
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Anybody but zeus
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They were assholes anyway.
gellaho
"And I was so swole!"
Floygwai
How could Nick Swardson adapt this story and fuck it up that badly?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
A real king dork would have called out to Ishtar in his hour of need.
gellaho
Oh, no, he definitely didn't
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Which is how I plan to go.
Badgerman
This dork probably put on like half a centimeter of muscle and called it "tone"
gellaho
Dragon time!
Brendan
Classic Freyr: saves your life but refuses to tell you shit. You know what they say. Southern gods are nice but not helpful. Norse gods are helpful but not nice.
FancyShark
"Many painful hours" means "did five pushups a day"
1000 Space GDCs
Being turned into a hot twink elf is causing from confusing feelings in Al
I got you Rachel for Christmas
some people get all the luck
FancyShark
This is very isekai, it has to be said
gellaho
And you'll never guess who he runs into immediately
Badgerman
"Among the trees, I can maneuver. It cannot" is definitely a thought I would have while running from a dragon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man he fucked up, he should have rung up Odin. He'd be feasting in Valhalla right now and not wandering around the woods.
FancyShark
"Wealth beyond measure, outlander"
gellaho
Bramin is a master of subtlety
Badgerman
Oh my god please tell me we're building up to a tortured race relations metaphor with this Defiant Ones bullshit
1000 Space GDCs
i know, let's hide from the fire breathing dragon among the firewood
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Spoiler: he escapes the dr-dr-dragon but is cornered by a p-p-pirate ghost
JAVO THE ALMIGHTY
Kind of a weird thing but look at how many times she writes Larson here.
FancyShark
The Dark One is a cop?
gellaho
I think Miriam forgot Al is supposed to be not Olde-timey
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Of course he IMMEDIATELY forgets what the god told him, IE KEEP YOUR FUCKING SWORD.
Badgerman
Nah that's just how dweebs talk
Brendan
Yeah, smart move. You might get sex, death, sex or death, or sex and death.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You were getting death as it is. You might as well get laid.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Halt, idiot! Ye hast been drafted into the war against the dwarves, who have attempted to join the union of guilds, our enemy nation!"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Honestly no bad options
Brendan
This firebreathing dragon is thwarted by wood.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And Ishtar has beer.
gellaho
And who is the second person Al runs into in this Norse Fantasyland?
Badgerman
It's just good writing
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I've done it
gellaho
A ninja samurai, of course
FancyShark
White Christ?
oh
Brendan
Or he'd be a zombie with a battle mallet.
Badgerman
Now now, it could be Frank Dux, so you might not be wrong
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And hes a wizard too.
FancyShark
He found a person that's like a samurai with a sword like a...you know what, fuck it. Samurai
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This guy went ham on the multiclassing.
1000 Space GDCs
Miriam is basing all the imagery in this book on the figurines on her shelf
gellaho
As you might have guessed, Al immediately panics seeing an Asian man
Brendan
Sorry, I am just now catching up. You scooped me good.
FancyShark
The "party members first meet each other" bit is always awkward
Floygwai
This For Honor expansion is the weirdest one yet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Pfft this old dork hasnt read the Monster Manual yet.
Of COURSE they dont all spit fire.
gellaho
Seems to get over it pretty quickly though
Badgerman
I like the attempt to delicately describe the Asian man's epicanthic folds right after throwing out the S-word
gellaho
Anyway, exploding ninja stars
FancyShark
DM let each player make their characters with whatever books they owned
Floygwai
Now I'm just picturing this dragon being ridden by Ms. Frizzle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahaha ninja samurai wizard rules.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hot.
Brendan
No, he threw the sword to Bramin.
gellaho
Miriam doesn't explain this, but apparently Kensei is either his race or profession or something
Floygwai
After he casts a frost spell
gellaho
She just randomly starts calling him "the Kensei"
FancyShark
It's definitely a character class
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah she made him a sword saint, Miriam is a weeb first class.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yeah it's a monk archetype i think
Badgerman
Kensei
Galinar
gellaho
Wakka wakka
FancyShark
Can that accent mangle that name? @Brendan , you're in the Bronx, right?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Brendan rumbles constantly
gellaho
Are you ready for the weirdest way to describe cannibalism?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
pleasured by manflesh is what i call
gellaho
That's how people from the Bronx think
1000 Space GDCs
PLEASURED BY MANFLESH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam is a Tolkien nerd too. I see you Miriam.
Badgerman
Hahaha the twinkification is moving so quickly
FancyShark
"Pleasured by manflesh" is no-
hahaha, scooped by Rachel
I got you Rachel for Christmas
you know whatz nevermind, i call nothing that
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Ohhhh this is sissy hypnosis porn
Brendan
Yeah, I live in a Bronx accent stronghold and this is making my day. I'm just picturing the guys from the bar "Would yiz radda get called a loser or a lowlife?"
gellaho
Time for the first of endless Vietnam flashbacks!
Badgerman
For the troops!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
@Sigma Science Fox Djonin this bookcage is for you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
NINJA sissy hypnosis porn, so it genuinely is.
Brendan
Kin-SAY GAY-lin-nah
Floygwai
It is becoming nigh-on impossible to not remove this sentence from its context
Badgerman
Whomst amogus would turn away a ninja sissy in their hour of need
Brendan
geddim a cuppa cawfee
FancyShark
Getting haunted by Nam flashbacks is weird when you spent the whole war reading
gellaho
Oh, no, not Danny!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lucky him, soon he's going to have a whole NEW brand of PTSD, the kind you get from medieval warfare and dragonfear.
Badgerman
Dragelin, Gaelinar, Bramin, and….
Danny
gellaho
For the troops
FancyShark
So Miriam's gift to the troops is "cliched fantasy fanfic mixed with PTSD triggers"
Brendan
Can't believe they're not eating dragon.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Ninja Turtles did take some iteration before they hit on the right vibe.
gellaho
Merlin was famously Asian
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
She watched Ralph Bakshi's Wizards, apparently.
Brendan
His FISTS
Floygwai
Now I'm just picturing an episode of Fixer Upper where they're just rebuilding someone's house except they're building around a guy who got impaled on a wood pole in the center of the room
Brendan
were clenched against SWEAT
which ran like BLOOD
Floygwai
Why am I having a thought like this? I swear, this is the last time I poke my head into book dorks
FancyShark
I assume you're taking copious notes
Brendan
My notes flow copiously in my fists, like blood, which is like sweat
gellaho
Time for the beautiful and perfect white woman to reenter the picture
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"This kindly old Japanese man reminded Al of Merlin, who coincidentally was the Son of the Devil sometimes."
Brendan
It will be amusing to watch your struggles as you try to mentally exit this channel.
You may leave book-dorks but book doorks will never leave you.
gellaho
Hey, Slime
gellaho
I mean, Silme
FancyShark
Larson wants to slime Silme
ugh, dammit, I'll see myself out
Badgerman
Hope Larson doesn't set off the Secret Silme Action
gellaho
I wonder what character Miriam likes the most
Badgerman
Even the author is tired of this nerd
Brendan
More than whaaaaaa wait
Floygwai
'Just in case you forgot, fuck this guy'
FancyShark
Larson, Virgin of Vietnam will be right back after these messages!
gellaho
Swordlord
Brendan
He's looking at Silme the way Silme tricked her brother into looking at that Princess he murdered.
Badgerman
Swordlword
gellaho
Al can extrapolate this whole world based on the three people he's met
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wordslord?
Brendan
"Don't necromansplain me, bub" sneered Silme.
FancyShark
DM: "Swordlord isn't a class, Larson"
Larson: "Shut up! Yes it is! It's a fighter but he's really good with swords!"
Gaelinar: "That's a Kensei"
Larson: "Shuh up, Gaelin! It's totally different!"
Floygwai
Slowdorrd
gellaho
You just don't understand how perfect Miria-Silme is
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Slorddorw?
Brendan
Most of the dancers I know shift their eyes in the manner of a deer, actually.
FancyShark
Stop throwing singles in the deer enclosure
Floygwai
Oh no she's on crack
gellaho
Larson catches on quick
Badgerman
Deeriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Drinking at the zoo is a privilege and not a right.
FancyShark
Lucky he was reading a book on Norse mythology before this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam all this was implied already, you could have just skipped it.
gellaho
Yeah, sure, take in the random dude
1000 Space GDCs
Yeah this book has a lot of overexplaining
Badgerman
"Shame on you, lady"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This run of anti elf racism is confusing when this book is plenty racist at like regular humans.
FancyShark
Do you think this is what Miriam tells to her patients to distract them when she needs to give them shots?
gellaho
Seems like a lot of work
gellaho
Telling children all about the horrors of Vietnam
FancyShark
Spell marring is verboten
Brendan
Well that at least explains why he's here.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If you cant whisper while someone is casting a spell they arent a good wizard.
gellaho
Have you, like, ever thought about, like, evil, man?
FancyShark
"The whole platoon was blown to hell, their bodies falling like meaty snow. Aaaaand we're done! You were so brave!"
Brendan
Silme is the ONLY person in this universe who likes elves.
Badgerman
I know it's the Vietnam war but pulling a quote from Under Western Eyes about what dicks people are feels lazy
Like, even for most popular understanding of the Vietnam war
Floygwai
Did Dracula from the opening of Symphony of the Night write this book?
FancyShark
I'm sure people being evil is the only takeaway you could have from Joseph Conrad, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Heres a sucker and a sticker, do you want this one depicting the My Lai massacre or the Cambodian bombings?
gellaho
Anyway, Larson leaves in the morning
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I would too? These two are nuts.
gellaho
Which is largely pointless storywise because he will immediately run into
Brendan
Full Metal Jacket came out and she was like "No, NO! I did Conrad Vietnam first! But my Congolese were elves, you thief!"
FancyShark
Kubrick looked at her letters and thought "Man, this lady's weird"
Badgerman
"He suffixed his threat with a single coarse syllable" is such a dogshit sentence that I almost appreciate it
gellaho
Al heroically plays dead
Badgerman
The American hero!
Brendan
Bramin hates this guy because they met once and he immediately gave him the all-powerful artifact he desired.
You know in many ways American strategy in south vietnam "played dead" when faced with the necromancy of Fabian strateg--hey, come back
gellaho
For all of the brave men who fought in Vietnam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bramin doesnt know Protection from Normal Missiles.
Loser.
1000 Space GDCs
hazing was rougher than i thought
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No wonder he has to have a sword.
Badgerman
This man literally just exists to be humiliated in front of Deeriam
gellaho
Light elves are leprechauns
Brendan
An intense vomiting unseen since yesterday when he did that.
Badgerman
Faery
FancyShark
Larson, Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vomiting and weeping.
Brendan
Hahaha, imagine a guy heaving his guts out after your brother kicks his ass, and when you try to soothe his feelings, he hits on you and gives you a watery loser smile.
Like not even a brave smile, a self-satisfied smirk.
gellaho
Ignore that Bramin is still alive and was taught by our finest wizards
1000 Space GDCs
He's still got bits of his last MRE on his lips
FancyShark
Forget Vietnam. I'm getting high school flashbacks
Badgerman
Love when our racial pogroms are justified by lore
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dark Elves sense of humor? Dennis Miller jokes.
gellaho
ELVES ARE MURDERED ON SIGHT. Or just whispered about.
1000 Space GDCs
That tracks
Badgerman
Yeah, shit, she's driving at a race relations moral. Batten down the hatches, y'all
FancyShark
Did Miriam write the Elder Scrolls?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man's............SOMBER.......nature?
Somber?
Brendan
I dunno, I'm starting to believe dark elves are genetically predisposed to cruel viol--WAAAAIT A SECOND WHY IS THIS CHARACTER NAMED SER RICKARD THE MAN OF SHERM
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
What?
Miriam.........
What?
1000 Space GDCs
Welcome to midgard, here's how we justify our racism
Badgerman
For the troops!
FancyShark
Wednesdays are garbage day
gellaho
"For some reason, none of the other wizards can be bothered to try to stop the end of the world"
1000 Space GDCs
"By which i mean we throw trash at people who are different."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um........Slime I think you might be misrepresenting why your brother hates you?
FancyShark
You'd think being named "The Evil One" would deter people, but there are a lot of edgelords out there
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just a bit.
Badgerman
Gotta leave a world saving quest lying around at some point, it's something to keep all the average white guys occupied
gellaho
Silme went full defense
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"It's ironic, normie"
Brendan
Glossing over her own role here.
Badgerman
If you protected his victims so good they wouldn't be victims, now would they
gellaho
MEANWHILE: In the fart swamp
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Um..........Slime........if you went full defense.........how are you gonna like.......do anything else? This seems tactically unsound.
1000 Space GDCs
Does this book have an appendix that explains the wizard ranks? Seems like it would
Brendan
Yeah this is absolutely a novelization of a D&D quest.
FancyShark
Miriam wrote Terry Gilliam and yelled "I MADE THE BOG OF ETERNAL STENCH, DAMMIT"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hvergelmir makes a wicked burger.
gellaho
Another woman for Bramin!
Badgerman
I have intentionally given you the warded sword. As a joke.
Brendan
This is like when the screenwriter-turned-prose-author keeps the soundtrack
1000 Space GDCs
We've cracked the code
This book is solved.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hmm.........Hel is half hot. The other half tho.........
FancyShark
The best part of being a lord is racking men. Thank you, Miriam
Badgerman
I could do that too if I tried, lords ain't special
Brendan
More importantly, he could bring back Helfijiaj and make her love him at last.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe if it were a top half \ bottom half situation and they could alternate, it would be better. Hold out for Jormungandr.
1000 Space GDCs
How many daughters is this guy going to get offered before he wises up?
gellaho
Later on, the infantilization of Larson continues
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or Fenris? Selling out everyone but you get a doggo is a great deal.
FancyShark
He's still got her body. It's wrapped in a tarp in the back of a broom closet with some old winter coats
1000 Space GDCs
Also I am very confused about Bramin's motivations beyond edgelordery
Badgerman
He cried so hard that he accidentally entered Slime in a wet T-shirt contest
gellaho
The crying goes on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Everyone is racist so fuck them" seems to be the whole of it.
Brendan
Cried so many tears this PTSD just became a wet-tunic contest
gellaho
And on
Brendan
GODDAMMIT
gellaho
gellaho
And on
Brendan
FREYR KILL BADGER AND SAVE MY HONOR I BESEECH THEE
Badgerman
"I'm sorry, let me pull myself together"
bawls harder and harder
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah dont tell her about that hamlet you burned.
gellaho
Until he is literally in the fetal position
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Keep that one under your hat my guy.
Badgerman
Wait holy shit i was busy typing that as a joke that's what happens???
1000 Space GDCs
She is a woman in a badly written fantasy novel, she definitely knows about those things
gellaho
Very respectful towards the troops
Badgerman
Hahaha fuck this book
Brendan
Ladies, does your veteran husband suffer terrifying mood swings? It might be male depression often expresses as mistargeted anger, or you MIGHT not be loving him hard enough to fix him.
FancyShark
Miriam's gift to the troops is a catalogue of their sins
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean Henry Kissinger exists my guy. Dont say there are no villains.
gellaho
Then mommy puts baby to sleep
FancyShark
GODSLAYER!
Badgerman
Don't say he opened his mouth as he fell into bliss, Miriam.
Just don't.
Brendan
if only this world had a gun he could wave around until she understood the power and security it gave him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This is why you dont get help from Freyr. You get a shattered goober who can barely get out of bed without weeping.
gellaho
Only erections can stop the flashbacks
FancyShark
Larson mercifully died before cell phones could let him drunk dial exes
Badgerman
Oh, I guess that is exactly what she was trying to imply. Carry on then
Brendan
They fear him because he's a Zentraedi instead of because he's the dick they suspect him of being.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No cell phones in Norse Narnia. taps head
FancyShark
That giant's family still doesn't know where he is
gellaho
Weird detail to include about the patronizing, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe, just possibly, the literal GOD was busy with something else?
gellaho
Ooh, here comes the worst part!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like........Slime, hes an Aesir, they arent that powerful.
gellaho
So, I think Miriam wanted this to be the heroic moment where Larson stops a rape
gellaho
But she goes to great lengths to undercut that
I got you Rachel for Christmas
oh god no
1000 Space GDCs
Ooh, this is going to be some rough chuckles
I got you Rachel for Christmas
freyr save me from this next scene
Brendan
Give it up honey, he doesn't love you anymore.
gellaho
Larson couldn't stand for rape, except for the times he did
FancyShark
Truly a born hero
Brendan
See, he's not a rapist, he's just a rape accomplice.
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
i mean points for accuracy i guess??
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Congrats Larson, you're both a pussy AND immoral.
Brendan
If I was in an impossible situation like that, I would throw myself between my squad and their victim and begin crying hysterically.
gellaho
So, anyway they go to stop the attempted sexual assault
Brendan
No man wants to attack a woman soaked in the tears of an elf-man.
That's just atrocity-science.
gellaho
A truly bizarre detail to include
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Thank you for defending our freedom by raping all those Vietnamese women, Vietnam vets!" - Dr. Miriam.
FancyShark
The protagonist of Evangelion thinks Larson is a spastic creep
gellaho
And Miriam instantly forgets he was a soldier
1000 Space GDCs
Brave Al Larson, read theology and feeling bad about it while his squadmates did war crimes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its great that the hero of this story isnt the cool Asian ninja wizard.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Katanas are just better at cleaving necks than european swords
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Otherwise I might not be able to relate.
gellaho
Larson's been in the shit for months, but doesn't know if he can kill a man
Miriam is great at this
Brendan
While simultaneously wishing his squad was more like the vikings.
The Vikings who turned Ireland's hair red.
Like the Vikings are why I found out I'm a liiiiittle bit danish last year.
Badgerman
I'm gonna go take some acetametophin and if anyone asks it's because of the headache, not because of this book. Lordy Lordy
gellaho
Flashback again!
1000 Space GDCs
I feel like every character loses their train of thought after the paragraph ends
FancyShark
Larson liked the man who could get them all killed
Brendan
Careful, I hear that stuff agitates your stomach. You don't want to projectile vomit before the woman you love arrives to see it.
Badgerman
Don't have one of those so I should be Gucci
Then again neither does Larson
FancyShark
Stomachs? That's rough
Brendan
My condolences on learning in the book of life, you are Bramin.
gellaho
Miriam honors the soldiers by having them take potshots at an old woman for no reason
1000 Space GDCs
Brent Hamill's little brother wants to be an actor
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah this is how youre supposed to do sword fights. Have your main POV character black out and remember shit about Vietnam while it all happens.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Imagine how much better star wars would be
gellaho
For some reason, the newbie trying to stop this causes the newbie to kill the old woman
Brendan
I do like that she has made both her hero and villain utter klutzes who would be so much more mentally stable if someone threw them a pity-lay.
FancyShark
Larson: Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will be back after this
Brendan
She's defying tropes.
Badgerman
I wear it a little better on account of not having my head up my ass. Downside: I'm also not a wizard. It's a trade off
gellaho
And then himself
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha fuck you Larson you suck.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well, he killed a person who killed an innocent old lady, so that's heroism, right?
Badgerman
There should've been a hero moment where Al heroically shoots the trigger of the punk's gun and sets it off before he can kill himself so he can still claim that kill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hes right up there with the guy who killed Hitler.
Brendan
If you kill Hamill before she dies it's heroism. If you kill Hamill after, it's vengeance.
gellaho
So, if you were wondering, Miriam's book dedicated to the troops has the troops either (a) be monsters or (b) be quivering piles of piss
FancyShark
Learned that from Frank Castle!
gellaho
May they find an uncondemning world
Badgerman
And it's only justice if you wear a badge!
gellaho
So, anyway, they saved the kid
1000 Space GDCs
"Because I'm going to condemn the shit out of them."
Badgerman
"It's okay kiddo, YOUR UNCLE IS DEAD"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
a thick honey coloured liquid(it's honey)
gellaho
If you are wondering, the kid gets over the murder and attempted rape pretty quick
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriams sources for this book were: 1 viewing of Platoon, 1 viewing of Full Metal Jacket, and 1 viewing of Apocalypse Now.
FancyShark
Snake oil salesmen, the most sympathetic people of all
Badgerman
No it's not!! It's Crullian's Marvelous Cure 😤
(Crullian's Marvelous Cure is honey)
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or bad mead.
gellaho
Time for some gags!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
oh yeah, you just shrug off a rape, no one gets ptsd from those
Brendan
This book just added a Luke Skywalker to its clumsy Han Solo.
FancyShark
It's like a beesting
gellaho
Whatever you say, Brendor
I got you Rachel for Christmas
He's a retromancer!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And hes got a deep seated fear of beards.
Badgerman
More like Puke Elfbender
1000 Space GDCs
She's describing this kid like Robert E Howard would.
FancyShark
Fuck yes on the new name, @Brendan
Brendan
This tracks. I can't get a good shave either.
gellaho
Miriam has a great control of tone
FancyShark
Holy shit, this is a dark Gillette commercial
Badgerman
Isn't there a whole saving the world thing we need to be attending to
FancyShark
No! Beards and Nam flashbacks!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This kid is played by Ernie Reyes Jr.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
if you get tonal whiplash from this novel, you may be entitled to compensation
1000 Space GDCs
Look, this kid has been through some shit, he's in a bad place right now
gellaho
So, they burn the rapists and then Larson goofily struggles to shave
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Compensation means a 16 month wait at the V.A. hospital
FancyShark
Yeah, this book!
Ohohohohoho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This kid could make a FUCKING FORTUNE as a barber tho.
Brendan
By way of explanation, his uncle was actually the Evil Uncle and molesting him as a metaphor for U.S. involvement in outer reaches of what was then called French Indochina. Hi, it's me, Gaelinar Jordan Peterssen, Elflord of Benzo.
Badgerman
With complimentary mold for all your open wounds!
For the troops!
Brendan
We all deal with grief in our own SHAVE!
Badgerman
He shouts shave like Furst thinks shouting sleep will hypnosis-shock someone into bed
Brendan
What class of D&D character is lawyer?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
My face hair sprouting is how I deal with trauma and sadness. Its why I never feel sad.
FancyShark
Bard/thief prestige class
gellaho
That night, Freyr decides to give some information
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Personally I'm a sorcadin with ranks in profession (barrister)
Badgerman
"Is it my mission to stop Wagnawok mommy 🥺 "
"Fuck if I know dude"
FancyShark
"Ragnarok? You? Hahahaha, fuck I hope not"
1000 Space GDCs
I go in intending to do magic user but always end up being a stealth archer
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Freyr sucks
gellaho
The next morning, Bramin's skillful followers attempt to enter the camp
Brendan
This book gets so much better if you picture him Dennis Hoppering a disinterested dragonclaw sorceress all book.
Just Adult Baby Al.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Signs are indistict. You either have to prevent Ragnarok or fuck my sister. That might be her just throwing vibes out tho."
gellaho
FancyShark
All the gripping and clasping imagery is trying to communicate something. But what?
1000 Space GDCs
oh, he's doing a chapter naming bit
FancyShark
Dammit, spoiler, Ezekiel!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean stabbing your brother with a sword seems fine to me.
1000 Space GDCs
that's an original concept in a fantasy novel
Brendan
This book sure picks some weighty epigraphs for "I got burned trying to sneak into my half-sister's bedroom."
gellaho
"One of them turned evil, but ignore that"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
ol Zeke seems to put it like its a BAD thing!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I'd kill my brother, but this isn't exactly catcher in the rye
Badgerman
Never forget what Miriam stole from us.
FancyShark
Next chapter is "What are you doing, Step-Elf?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
It's too compelling a read, for one thing
1000 Space GDCs
She raised you by sending you to wizard school for 11 months a year, remember?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahaha no, I lied to you to get you to stop talking. I lie to children. WIZARD!"
FancyShark
I'm getting so many great quotes from you all tonight
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
CATCHER IN THE RYE BURN!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Me too, but I subscribe to Kantian ethics which me-SHAVE!"
gellaho
Dreaming big
Brendan
This time sure loved "Precocious brat" characters.
Best thing BSG ever did was bring back that type just so we could see he would never again factor in.
Brendan
This guy has zero idea what a horse costs.
"I'll give you...uh...three gold chests?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Can't buy a mount til level 40 dude
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
If someone doesnt come back with a giant lizard they are wasting their fucking time.
Brendan
"Three?? Buddy, this horse is way better in bed than half a princess. I'm gonna need a parcel of land minimum."
gellaho
At the bar afterwards, Larson learned nothing
Badgerman
Poor guy has the cilantro soap gene
I got you Rachel for Christmas
you know when a movie has a comic relief character, but he just fills you with contempt?
Brendan
Technically gallium oxide is a salt.
FancyShark
Larson: Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will return after this commercial break for SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You should beat that kids ass for wasting cheese.
Its medieval times so its perfectly legal.
FancyShark
That gets you the chair in the Midwest
1000 Space GDCs
also, what did you shave with that gave you scabs?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Like Dobby?
FancyShark
Saw
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Katana, cause it's so sharp
Badgerman
Bayonet
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Sub Basement Elf Dobby.
1000 Space GDCs
he's going to have flashbacks to his attempt to shave
FancyShark
Larson has definitely tasted poison
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well i didn't need to know his sexual proclivities bu-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shaving is a whole different one.
This kid is like the shape shifter from Krull but not funny.
Badgerman
When is Bramin gonna show up and get dumped again
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or useful.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
He is exactly like the shapeshifter from krull, you're right.
gellaho
Bramin's followers steal Larson's sword because he decided Brendor could look after it while he got in a bar fight. Then the idiots fall for a very stupid ploy
FancyShark
"Fool" is the name of a summoned god?
Badgerman
No no no, it's okay, it's not actually a child, it's a thousand year old Dragonrank that just looks like a chiSHAVE!!
gellaho
Sudden hair is a reason to run into a sword, sure
Brendan
If you need to wash your heart of all this, here's a veteran having a good day: https://imgur.com/gallery/IDltsg0
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
At least Ergo the Magnificent could turn into a tiger and fuck up some Slayers.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I can relate, my facial hair makes me want to self harm too
...too dark?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nah.
Brendan
In THIS economy?
Badgerman
No darker than my earlier bit with the child thing
Brendan
Hurting oneself is the least dark topic we've broached tonight.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I prefer to think of it as "energy efficient jokes"
FancyShark
Nah, I have hairs like that too
Badgerman
SHAVE!!
gellaho
Time for a sword lesson. Turns out Larson's sword is alive
Brendan
Come, Rachel, let me guide you back to this land of Calibans and rape-wizards.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well sometimes when the dysphoria is really bad i get the urgSHAVE!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Thank you for the spell of comfort, Brendor
Badgerman
"I'm so sorry Kensei this usually never happens to me"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
AWARW: All Wizards Are Rape Wizards.
FancyShark
We could have had a snarky talking sword this whole time and we got Larson?
Badgerman
Never forget what Miriam stole from us 😤
1000 Space GDCs
Larson reacted badly to the sword's gentle caress
gellaho
Gaelinar decides to wait until after the long sword practice to reveal Silme's family was butchered
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's too bad using a katana is totally different than using a long sword and it doesnt really transfer.
1000 Space GDCs
I wonder if he'll ever correct them about his name
Badgerman
God. A Marine and a VC constantly bitching each other out, the mage who has to keep them both in line, and the sassy talking sword they all have to trade using is like. The perfect adventuring quest party
I'm so mad now. I might have to write this book
I got you Rachel for Christmas
May I suggest a title?
Badgerman
Fuck you, Miriam, your book was so bad it gave me a purpose in life.
Go for it!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Clownpocalypse!
gellaho
And now: a penis review
Badgerman
A vast improvement over what he'd been issued as a human
1000 Space GDCs
one standard issue human hog
I got you Rachel for Christmas
boooo miriam you coward
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah but tell us about the hog, Miriam. Details, woman. Details. You cant be a writer if your characters dick is just "Standard in every way."
I got you Rachel for Christmas
give us weird elf dicks
A penis bone or something at least
FancyShark
The dick also has pointed ears
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nobody wants to read about guys with regular ass normal dicks.
1000 Space GDCs
make 'em non-euclidean
Badgerman
Slender and graceful, with long earlobes
Yes, even down there
1000 Space GDCs
5D elf hog
Badgerman
Gives your partner something to hang onto
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Technically a dick is already non-Euclidean since its curved.
gellaho
Larson is allowed a sentence of relief
I got you Rachel for Christmas
his human standard penis has RUINED this book for poor @Sigma Science Fox Djonin
Badgerman
Jesus Christ, Miriam.
FancyShark
Larson must've run out of children's funerals to remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh my guy. No, of course your mother doesnt know yet. Its probably not been long enough to have told her.
gellaho
And now: more crying
1000 Space GDCs
this is norse narnia, time moves differently.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also if your corpse wasnt recovered she could hold out hope for decades that you were just captured.
FancyShark
Soldier shows up at her house, hat in hand. He delivers the terrible news.
"Mrs. Larson? I'm afraid your son is an elf."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
No closure for Mrs. Larson.
gellaho
Hey, Miriam, weird
I got you Rachel for Christmas
what the fuck
Badgerman
She donates regularly to the Isekaied Warriors Fund forever after
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
You know........Im not opposed to men crying in general but.......maybe just quit this quest shit if you're that fragile you cant go a day without crying, Larson.
gellaho
Hey, Miriam? Weirder
FancyShark
I WAS JOKING!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
wow i thought i had a low opinion of men but miriam makes me look like male chauvinist
Sigma Science Fox Djonin
hey guys whats goin
WHAT
1000 Space GDCs
the doeskin breeches did nothing to conceal his standard issue human erection
Badgerman
Oh so NOW you're throwing out the actual Norse poetry.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
YEAH MIGHTY WHOREDOMS! NOW WERE GETTING STARTED!
gellaho
You, too, Brian
gellaho
A blind seer? Well, now I've heard everything
Badgerman
Seer? I hardly knee 'er!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I love how she subverts all these fantasy expectations
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just once I'd like to see a seer who has like normal vision.
Brendan
Miriam grew up with a post-Victorian view of men as lusty werewolves in the proximity of women. Also willing cannibals.
gellaho
Time for some cataract bargaining
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean even if the seer just has glasses, that would be fine.
Brendan
"Sorry you're heartbroken. I'll put this erection away but I VOW THIS DAY to complete its quest."
Badgerman
Blind seer but with a Georgi LaForge hairband across their eyes
Brendan
I was doing laundry after the whole self-harm thing. What's she sad about?
1000 Space GDCs
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
SLimes whole family got dead.
gellaho
Miriam really doesn't want to get this old woman an ophthalmological wizard
gellaho
Excuse me, Slime
Excuse me, Silme
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah this fantasy kingdom is definitely in the US, this blind seer doesnt have insurance.
Badgerman
Jesus, Slime, she's just asking for a referral
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You see eye wizards arent on your health plan, you'll have to go out of network."
1000 Space GDCs
yeah, we don't cover optomancers.
Badgerman
Just tell her to go see Sir Neo of Sporin
gellaho
Larson's mind is as open as it is twisty
gellaho
Badgerman
Jesus, even elf brains are better than everyone else's
Fucking elves, man
gellaho
And they learn nothing they didn't already know
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Have you tried rubbing the juice of a lamb liver mixed with some dog shit on your eyeballs? Over the counter medicine is cheaper than a wizard."
1000 Space GDCs
elf brains sound like an antique radio
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Larson, tell me. What does your elf brain think?"
Badgerman
Throwing a sword into a spring from the top of a tree sounds difficult so be sure to invoke the magic word as you do so: "Kobe"
gellaho
They leave and look who stopped by
Brendan
Nobody told Al he has no chance with Silme because she's seen firsthand how helf-breeds get treated, right?
Badgerman
It's fine, he's passing
FancyShark
He knows he's one good sob away from third base
Badgerman
…Okay, that one felt a smidge too dark
gellaho
Well, I guess the surgery isn't happening
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just the ones that are too dark skinned tho.
SAVINGS! This is why you get your eye wizardry first THEN do augury.
Brendan
My college roommate has told me some stories about girls thinking they're being nice, like "Oh, you're great, I just don't Black guys." That's a thing that's happened to him on more than one freak occasion!
gellaho
Meanwhile: Al is sad
Brendan
"You'd be a good boyfriend, but as a rule, I racism."
Badgerman
Film at 11
Brendan
Can't believe this selfish wizard trying to save the world amidst her family's extermination by her brother can't spare a smile for him.
FancyShark
She's avoiding you? Is it all the crying?
1000 Space GDCs
the puking?
Brendan
I like watching Al follow Bram's journey
FancyShark
The puking and the crying?
gellaho
It's going great for Al
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe its the fact she knows fuck all about you?
Badgerman
I feel like Miriam is working out some personal issues in this text
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Women love when a guy goes to pieces emotionally at the slightest sign of displeasure, so it cant be because youre a jellyfish, Larson.
FancyShark
If there's one thing we know Larson can do, it's hurl
gellaho
At least he has a new sword friend
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
`How does he STILL not understand what hes supposed to do?! Freyr was pretty clear!
1000 Space GDCs
"If you can read my mind, why do you still get my name wrong?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey I noticed you cry alot? You're starting to rust me."
gellaho
Vidarr has footwear issues
FancyShark
I am Vidarr, the silent go- wait, dammit
Badgerman
Vidarr passes the Barbarian Fashion Check
gellaho
Miriam continues to understand straight men
Brendan
Especially when he has war trauma and is holding a magic sword that kills you if you try to take it from him.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
His metal shoe is magic. Its made for stomping, I think?
Brendan
Look, if you can't recognize the beauty of genderfluid Loki, throw out your Bowie albums.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Vidarr is one of the Aesir whos like a back bencher so I dont remember him much.
Badgerman
I think even among straight guys Loki is considered fair game
gellaho
Yes, Vidarr is who I think of when I hear Odin's son
I got you Rachel for Christmas
i don't know, he's very similar to the straight guys you see on grindr
gellaho
Hard to throw away something you don't have
Badgerman
That's not… being fickle, that's just disliking you personally
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I mean Loki can turn into stuff, so if you arent pleased with the bussy he can do something else for you. He can do horse or something if thats your speed.
Or giant.
Or giant horse.
Or bird.
Lots of stuff.
Badgerman
I bet Zeus and Loki would have gotten along like a house on fire
gellaho
Vidarr goes on a quest to satisfy his curiosity of what Loki is talking about
Vidarr is very stupid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Probably "woman"? If you wanna be boring and not be like:
FancyShark
Says here "Vidar" can also mean "wide ruler". So now the sword will be played by a gimmicky tape measure
Badgerman
The lightsaber of swords
gellaho
Vidarr is immensely unhelpful
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol no wonder Slime cant hear Vidarr anymore, he got got by Loki.
Badgerman
Gods are always in the last place you look
gellaho
So then there's a long description of Ragnarök with and without Vidarr being present
FancyShark
Mental exchange must not include spoken communication
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fuck you Miriam did you just imply the Norse had psychic powers?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"You and your people are a huge liability. Less than useless."
gellaho
You'll never guess what that triggers
FancyShark
Like a piece of toast or a tree stump
Badgerman
The Norse Noosphere, or Noorsphere, if you will
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Beholdeth, yon Kia Sorento!
gellaho
Fun
Badgerman
Or a dog's butt
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I told Freyr to bring me one of those Vietnamese guys, at least they have enough stones to not cry when they stand up too quickly."
1000 Space GDCs
oh good, some levity
Badgerman
Fuck them kids.
- Al Larsen
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Finally, an end to fucking Brendor.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Poor Brendor, he really was the SHAVE! of us."
Brendan
Mental exchange.
gellaho
It's time to play the expression game. Try replicating what Silme is doing here
Badgerman
Clown to clown communication
FancyShark
Ouch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well........thats...........Miriam did you intend like a "bite your thumb" thing there or.......
Miriam I hope you're a better doctor than storyteller.
gellaho
Miriam really understands men
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Well, she is a real pediatrician, but this chapter is actually named after her, so...
Badgerman
Slime I love you!
But we only have 48 hours to save the earth!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah thats man talk. "My sword I........ SLIME I LOVE YOU!"
gellaho
Silme goes through all the emotions
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Ahhh, takes you back to your first tube of Gak, huh?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I snorted like a piggy.
FancyShark
Are we supposed to see a parallel with how the bad guy was treated by the princess? Because if not, you done fucked up, Miriam
gellaho
Luckily, his sword is her god so he's got an in
Badgerman
Miriam, you could have just written a harlequin romance. What the fuck is this
I got you Rachel for Christmas
sadly even their standards are too high for her
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam couldnt make a glass of water wet.
gellaho
She currently is
FancyShark
I hope the sword has giant googly eyes so we know it's alive
gellaho
Ladies love panicked babbling
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yes I also interpret "pinched looking" as an affectionate expression and not one of tension.
Brendan
I dunno, 90% of what Al likes about Silme is her breasts, so she seems to give men a lot of credit.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait......SLIME YOU WHAT HIM?! WHY!?
Badgerman
Ah, that explains it. She's attracted to stupid men.
gellaho
You can't tell me there's a better romance than two people hugging each other while crying twice
1000 Space GDCs
the guy playing larson rolled a natural 20 on a charisma check
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yup, that's how women work. Keep making passes at us and eventually you'll roll a natural 20
FancyShark
"Loved you since the day we met" is a line that only ever makes sense when the alternatives are horrible and graphic
I got you Rachel for Christmas
God damn it scooped
gellaho
The classic 'Nam-flashback-breasthold/butchered-family-cryfest romance
1000 Space GDCs
Wait were you even here when we concluded she was novelizing a dnd campaign?
Badgerman
Can we just throw the stupid god sword in the spring already, Miriam? Please?
gellaho
Wah, wah
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I think i saw the tail end of it, or some allusions
gellaho
This conversation gets really weird really fast
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Larson stop stroking
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"You see, as we both know, Elves are selfish lovers and dont reciprocate oral sex. If I dont get my cummies I cant do magic."
Badgerman
Jesus Christ, somebody called the half breed thing
gellaho
You think that's bad
1000 Space GDCs
He doesn't want kids, lady, he just wants to bone down
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh.......well Slime you see I have this um.......magical method of birth control. Do you have any sheep you dont need?"
Badgerman
Oh no.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yeah racism exists so mixed race people are evil i guess
1000 Space GDCs
Gotta try out these new average genitals
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Exactly normal genitals for a human man.
gellaho
So, I'm not really sure what's going on. Larson tells himself not to be prejudiced and then immediately goes for the slur
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
For all he knows he nuts tree sap.
gellaho
So I think Miriam must have had a stroke writing that
Badgerman
Holy shit.
Good fucking god.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Gaelinar is a goo-SHAVE!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Or, and hear me out, we can do butt stuff."
1000 Space GDCs
If you want to write problematic fantasy, you need to come up with your own slurs. that's basic stuff
gellaho
This is still the love confession by the way
I got you Rachel for Christmas
(Gaelinar is a good guy, is what I was going to say)
1000 Space GDCs
Gaelinar seems like he has to deal with a lot of shit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Damn bringing Vidarr into it brought her around quickly.
Badgerman
I like Gaelinar but I'm glad he's not the protagonist or I wouldn't be able to relate this story
(That's for the troops)
gellaho
And once they accept their love, they do what anyone would do. Have a long hug
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Want to seduce a lady? Invoke her god.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Maybe soon they will work up to Mormon second base "Hand holding".
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I'm very receptive to protestations of devotion to Satan
gellaho
This is how men think, sure
FancyShark
Larson: Virulent Bigot, Vapid/Vanilla Victimizer, Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam does not reflect any of the beliefs or opinions of this channel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Badgerman
Not to drag us into the swamp but can we go back to the sissy hypnosis ninjaficafion part of the book?
gellaho
This kiss naturally leads to a dead dad flashback
I got you Rachel for Christmas
What an incredibly unsexy way to describe making out.
This is why she couldn't get accepted by harlequin.
FancyShark
Wow. That kiss must've been terrible
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just poking at her molars with his tongue.
Thinking about his dead dad.
1000 Space GDCs
This bit with an Asian-coded swordsman and a lady magician actually predates wheel of time, I was shocked to learn.
Badgerman
COUNTING MOLARS WITH HIS TONGUE UHHHHH
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
All of this happening in the woods.
gellaho
And how his brother hates him for enlisting
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Bring it on, miriam, give me all the dead dads you got
FancyShark
I'm saving this to confuse the shit out of Future Me
Badgerman
Okay, in my reimagining Vidarr the sword is voiced by Scott
gellaho
Just a lot of fun all over
1000 Space GDCs
"glamor of espionage?" you're going to nam, not MI6.
Badgerman
You can sure subject this audience to the consequences of flashback
gellaho
Forget that, time to adopt Brendor
I got you Rachel for Christmas
When he comes back out of the flashback he realizes he's gutted silme like a VC
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I mean volunteering to enlist is the second best idea, if you volunteer you can choose where to deploy. Lot of guys spent the war in Korea behind a desk.
But yeah guy you kind of must have since you volunteered and went to Vietnam.
Brendan
This guy's been in Narnia, what, a week?
gellaho
And, you know what? What about another hug
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Adopt brendor? Even you can do better, Lars-SHAVE!
Brendan
He's like that girl who spends spring break in Ibiza and comes back with a catalan lisp.
Badgerman
MAY THEY FIND AN UNCONDEMNING WORLD
gellaho
Well, at least the sword can prevent his flashbacks now
FancyShark
This tells me Miriam has dated a lot of flaccid men
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah Brendor is sure going to endanger himself with his magic that grows hair and turns things into soap.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Gee i wonder why
FancyShark
"Chocolate-stained child"? He's flashing back to a bake sale?
Brendan
Doesn't he psychically fling straight razors?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Larson should be grateful he died before he could learn what happens in Cambodia over the next couple years.
gellaho
After pledging to raise Brendor, they immediately leave him with a blacksmith in some town
Badgerman
"Your parents sold you to protect you 👁️👄👁️"
FancyShark
"I will never leave you, my child! Except right now until you're an adult. WIZARD!"
gellaho
Now they are going to an oracle. Larson has a bad dream about that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Pfft Sigurdhr doesnt date much if he thinks axes or horseshoes dont do it for ladies.
Badgerman
Larson has bad dreams about putting his underwear on in the morning
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I love a good axe
gellaho
That dream goes right into a flashback
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Axes, horseshoes, and cheese. Thats the best way to get a lady to like you.
1000 Space GDCs
They've obviously never been to a bachelorette party at a winery.
Badgerman
Dear fucking god, this writer has one trick.
Brendan
Hunh. Today I learned people were saying yo that far back.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Woah woah woah
Brendan
Brendor Palpatine? no, no...Brendor SKYWALKER
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Larsson has friends?
gellaho
This time he gets to actually experience his own death
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
he still has bits in his hair
I got you Rachel for Christmas
The only name stupider than Silme? Schmee
Brendan
His blood ran like sweat.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
M-16s arent that heavy anyway, Larson. You just suck.
FancyShark
Part of me hoped he died by slipping and hitting his head on a log
Badgerman
Threw the pin instead of the grenade
gellaho
On the way, it looks like that scamp Brendor has followed them
FancyShark
Wait, this means Miriam's gift to the veterans is the hero dying in the nightmare every soldier feared would become reality
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Had his back walls blown out by a VC sniper.
FancyShark
"I promise not to hit you." Father of the Year
Badgerman
He turns into an elf in a fantasy world though so it's okay. It's an upgrade even!
gellaho
Looking a little worse for wear
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Brendor I promise not to beat the mortal shit out of you like you obviously deserve right now if you come withing beating distance."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Not a dick upgrade tho.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
so what the fuck was the point of the scene with the blacksmith?
Badgerman
It was for Al
FancyShark
Filler
Brendan
If we can't confront our fears in a safe way, we'll never become the sleek elf knight who fucks our enemy's sister in front of him of our dreams.
gellaho
Silme starts attacking the child
Badgerman
Headshot
gellaho
And that kid is d-e-a-d
Badgerman
Hahahahaha Slime is the true hero
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Haha i said i wouldn't hit you, i didnt say my wizard girlfriend wouldn't fireball your bitchass!"
gellaho
Chocolate flashback
FancyShark
Pull the pin, shoot the child
Badgerman
Save the world
gellaho
Things not great in reality either
FancyShark
Twenty times. He counted.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Ugh the second season of this book is going to suck
gellaho
FancyShark
"Yeah, I know. Calling you a hero was sarcasm."
Badgerman
Holy shit I didn't notice "a god who believes in them" until now
What the fuck Miriam
FancyShark
She showed her hand early
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cmon Larson, whoms amongst us hasnt lunged at their girlfriend with a knife a time or two because they woke us up in the night and we had a flashback?
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Jesus thinks vietnam vets are pussies
Sorry that was insensitive
Brendan
Brendor shall be the first (and last) of our children!
gellaho
And, of course, Silme who is perfect and right in all things, had no way of saving the child they just decided to raise
gellaho
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I mean, White Christ thinks vietnam vets are pussies
FancyShark
No it wasn't. You read it in a book.
Brendan
No, that's Orange Christ.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dont beat yourself up for that, Larson. Beat yourself up because you suck and volunteered for a war to keep a colonial oppressor in place.
gellaho
The unending compassion to kill our adopted son
FancyShark
"Children have to die, Larson. Otherwise, you'll never be a hero."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bramin is kind of a shitty wizard tho if this is his best effort.
FancyShark
This is why adoption in the real world is such a process. They've read this book.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Poor Brendor. He never even grew old enough to SHAVE!
gellaho
Gaelinar thinks this is a great opportunity for a joke
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
CAn confirm. They really dont like it when you can shoot arcane energies at adopted children.
gellaho
gellaho
I think you'll find that's "unbounding compassion"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Tonight, Brendor SHAVE!s in Hel.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Oh sweet, time to kill silme
I got you Rachel for Christmas
(I'm prouder of this than i should be)
Badgerman
THIS IS ONLY CHAPTER 6
AAIIIEEEEEEEEEE
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It was excellent so you should be.
FancyShark
@Badgerman , quoting the editor
gellaho
There are only 7
Badgerman
Oh thank god
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thank FUCK.
gellaho
And they are shorter than the rest
Anyway, they go to see the Oracle
Leave
I got you Rachel for Christmas
That's a weird way of structuring a book
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Two trips to the Oracle?
FancyShark
Aw. I was hoping for a trilogy of sobbing Larson stories
gellaho
Then go back
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Man what more information do you really need?!
Badgerman
Forgot his wallet
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I guess Miriam didnt want to add in BUGSLAYER and TIMESLAYER chapters
FancyShark
child broke how fix
gellaho
The oracle was actually dead the whole time! Who couldst believe
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also all of these are titles for Warhammer novels, except Childslayer.
FancyShark
That's Warhammer fanfic
I got you Rachel for Christmas
She had to die, she had too many eye for an oracle
Brendan
pizza's here. Well met, questers. Sorry about the DEAD CHILDREN FLASHBACK
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They havent gotten to having Gotrek Gurnisson cut a kid wizard in half but it would be rpetty rad.
Badgerman
Give it time
FancyShark
Pizza hard, @Brendan !
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oooh pizza!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Love you Brendor, SHAVE a slice for me
gellaho
Silme uses the oracle's stone to communicate with Vidarr
gellaho
Larson clears his mind with French, because that is the code of every book
Every female author I've read must include French, for reasons I do not understand
Badgerman
Speaking of colonial oppressors
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hon hon hon, ze French iz ze language of ze amour.
gellaho
Well then
gellaho
Time for some Giant Women
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Mais bien sûr, c'est pas pour toi.
FancyShark
Hey, it IS a Warhammer book!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just saying. Come up behind your partner, and whisper in their ear "Omlette du fromage." in a sexy voice.
Badgerman
Ohohohon all of ze Al Larsen's suffering, eet eez ahr fault and zee American 'istory books will not even mention us!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
FUCK YEAH GIANT WOMEN!
Badgerman
Holy shit Future's in this book?
gellaho
They don't really have a lot of information
1000 Space GDCs
again, not news
gellaho
Really seems like you could have just said, "Stab Bramin"
FancyShark
Thank you for explaining who you are to the dickhead who read a mythology book and is surrounded by people that should know all the stories about you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Miriam knew she wanted the Norns up in but didnt have the brains to think of a cryptic prophecy.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Ughhh whenever these fantasy books start into the past and future shit my eyes glaze over
FancyShark
The hero's epic quest: Cut a bitch
gellaho
Time to drag Silme and a god into his flashbacks
Badgerman
"We should totally just stab Bramin"
FancyShark
I read "blood-red afterburners" as "blood-red hamburgers". I might be hungry
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah Miriam is gonna go full Wizards on Slime. Cool.
Ralph Bakshi approves.
gellaho
But then they just wake up, so whatever
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
BOOOOO LET SLIME SMELL THE NAPALM DAMMIT!
FancyShark
The Hardy Boys hold tension longer than this
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Chet would have been more useful than Al.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
We really dont appreciate the Hardy Boys until we get lower.
gellaho
And now it's dark
Badgerman
Frank and Joe would have thrown Brendor's dead body into a little person by now
FancyShark
It's too complete for darkness because your eyes are closed, dipshit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Youve been raving in your sleep for days, you dink. Hey, what's an opium?"
"And you kept yelling about "clean boom is expensive" and something about trees."
gellaho
A strange use of the word "giddy"
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Also those pointy metal dragons I saw were cool as fuck."
FancyShark
I mean, I think we're all giddy at the hope of Larson dying
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"But why are your visions always dubbed over with Fortunate Son?"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"BOARD THE SHIP OF DEAD MENS TOENAILS TO SAIL TO THE UNDERWORLD?"
gellaho
Nice of Bramin to just trap Gaelinar instead of killing him
FancyShark
Never kill the awesome guy when there's still story left
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Larson...........what does "Charlie dont surf." mean?"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Gaelinar failed his reflex save.
1000 Space GDCs
Bramin knows talking is a free action, he's got to monologue a bit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its fine, Hold Person sucks, he will get another one on his next turn.
gellaho
Vidarr conjures up some knowledge out of nowhere
gellaho
Which means no swordfight I guess
FancyShark
Ah, Miriam reached the "fuck it" stage of the writing process
Badgerman
Oh thank goodness, I was thinking there would be stakes
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Six inches, the precise size of Al's new elven penis"
FancyShark
There better at least be a sobbing contest
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"HEY I NEVER TOLD YOU BUT DONT USE ME FOR SWORD FIGHTING YOU DINK!"
gellaho
Good news!
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Seriously, worst magic sword ever. Get a chocolate one next time, at least you can eat it.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Oooh I'm betting on Al
FancyShark
HAHAHAHA
Badgerman
I'm so fucking glad the hero is fighting harder to not break down crying than he is to beat the baddie.
FancyShark
Chekov's Loser
Badgerman
This is the only way this book could have ended
gellaho
Gaelinar is having fun
FancyShark
Now's not the time, Slime
I got you Rachel for Christmas
She actually said "I loathe you," Al is not a good lipreader.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gaelinar wasted a lot of time training this dingus to sword fight, when he should have taught him to throw shuriken.
gellaho
The heroic dick kick
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah thats sweet buttery disadvantage on that concentration roll.
gellaho
Silme and Bramin share pain now for some reason
FancyShark
Say hello to the red white and blue BALLS, asshole!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
keep calling him the "half-breed" Al, white jesus. I hope he kills you before you can have kids.
gellaho
Well, fuck you too, Miriam
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay but if you could cast spells why not just turn Larson into a desert rain frog?
Or..........did you prepare for this? This is a weird idea to have.
gellaho
Alright, so Silme is an idiot
FancyShark
Magic Missile is an auto-targeting spell, Bramin
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Like so if some goober wants to bang my sister but also kill me, he'll have to pick one."
FancyShark
"I know your secret, Larson. I know you weren't feeling tired."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ph so it was Slime being bad at Wizard, this makes much more sense.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I'd just bang Silme now, the fucks would transfer to Bramin, weirding him tf out.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Great job on that defense stuff, hon.
FancyShark
Dragonheart, But Stupider
gellaho
This plan really backfired
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Its so horny it just might work!" Says the DM.
"Roll to weird out the wizard."
1000 Space GDCs
No hestitation there.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Haha Bramin never considered that the hero has no problem beating up his girlfriend!
FancyShark
"Hey, no downside"
gellaho
Well, OK then
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Not the first time he beat her remember
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hahahah just yesterday I nearly stabbed her because she made a loud noise."
FancyShark
Larson has never been so turned on
gellaho
I'm not sure Miriam has ever cried before
I got you Rachel for Christmas
She's ice cold already?
FancyShark
No one drilled him like the Kensei
Badgerman
Yeah, fuck you sword master, you're the reason I killed my waifu
This is all your fault
FancyShark
Bad circulation or she really couldn't wait to get away from him
gellaho
FancyShark
That's the name of the book!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Fucking finally
Badgerman
Hahaha fuck off, book
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Blueballing us with the godslaying
gellaho
Vidarr is still a sword btw
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Lol I once watched a movie with this exact lesson. Tiger kills on instinct, Dragon controls itself. Larson did not heed the teachings of Sensei Doug.
gellaho
Not really sure why
1000 Space GDCs
we've moved up from children to gods
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Loki gonna offer him that god bussy to just sit back and let Ragnarok happen.
Brendan
That's metal.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God(bussy)slayer.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I mean...
gellaho
They fight for a while
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"Our hero really sucks, folks, i can't emphasize that enough."
Badgerman
The last thing I wanted to do tonight was read about Loki obviating
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"He's sobbing the whole fight, too"
gellaho
Hey, Gaelinar got out for some reason
1000 Space GDCs
he threw up on his armor, too
FancyShark
Miriam thinks this is so hot
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Loki is having to avoid pressing him too hard just so he wont drop his sword."
Badgerman
Passed his saving throw
Brendan
Miriam read Campbell's lesser-known follow-up, The Hero's Wandering.
Badgerman
The Hero's Hourslong Cry Session
gellaho
I guess that's a place to aim for, sure
FancyShark
The Hero's Tantrum
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"TASTE MY LIGHTNING FU-SHAVE!"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Loki was unprepared for trickery.
1000 Space GDCs
Luckily, our hero was concerned.
FancyShark
Armpit isn't a bad place to stab, but it lacks the cinematic flair of a decapitation
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Got im in the armpit of all places.
gellaho
As he's about to kill Loki, Loki enters his brain
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Loki deep dickin your thinkmeats!
FancyShark
IN YOUR HEEEEEAAAAD
IN YOUR HEEEEEEeeeeeeAAAAD
LO KI
LO KI
Badgerman
Oh my god this was about beating Christianity this whole time?
Fuck off.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
miriam doesn't understand the phrase "mindfuck"
I got you Rachel for Christmas
White christianity, i guess
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Okay but...........wait all that seems good? Maybe Larson should lose?
FancyShark
I'm cool with that
1000 Space GDCs
Also, this is another dimension, not the past
I got you Rachel for Christmas
He should AND he's great at it
Badgerman
Like, there's no way this scheme works
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or win? I dont really know what the stakes are anymore.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"You fool, Loki! You've just given me another reason to sob like a baby!"
Badgerman
You're not even in the right zip code to Snap all Christians out of existence
gellaho
His given a vision of a happy life, but that doesn't last because
FancyShark
His blubbering is over 9000!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
VIETNAM INTENSIFIES
gellaho
You know, only tragedy allowed
FancyShark
Saved by Viet Fucking Nam
Badgerman
I can't fucking believe she decided this was about Christendom this whole time.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah I also love remembering how I danced with my boyfriend Terry and I left sweat stains on his dress.
FancyShark
There you go, veterans. You suffered so Norse Mythology would lose
Badgerman
I wanted to make the observation that this was every bit the novel that a white Republican housewife would write but I thought it was too mean. But then it came true.
gellaho
Comes out of that and kills Loki anyway
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh shit is Larson John McCain?!
1000 Space GDCs
Thanks to their sacrifice, Odin was not powerful enough to defeat jesus
Brendan
Jacob's Ladder, but it's the Yggdrasil
I got you Rachel for Christmas
The original draft of american gods sucked
Badgerman
I can't believe I'm saying this but don't insult McCain by comparing him to this goober
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
To be fair they have things in common, like a fondness for using a certain slur to describe Vietnamese people.
And are both dead as hell.
gellaho
Gaelinar kills Helblindi, who isn't a sword any more
Badgerman
You have no flaws and that's what doesn't make you a hero???
Whaaaaaaaa
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Im no hero, so I'm not a little bitch."
gellaho
I guess there was a time delay?
FancyShark
"I'm no hero. I'm awesome."
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Yeah Gaelinar is th perfect being i guess, whatever
Badgerman
You ever get the feeling that sometimes a story is about the wrong character
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
More evidence that maybe they should have given Larson just a bread knife or something.
gellaho
Vidarr magically fixes Al's PTSD
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh hey you used that soul devouring sword to kill your girlfriend. Should have picked up the dagger on level 3."
FancyShark
See, veterans? Just befriend a god and it can all go away
Badgerman
Brainwashing for the troops!
These epigraphs have meant fucking nothing by the way
I got you Rachel for Christmas
CBT hasn't got shit on Vidaar
1000 Space GDCs
Just rewiring up Al's brain like he's Data
FancyShark
Depressed? Ask your doctor if Vidarr is right for you
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Just in time for the guilt of murdering his own girlfriend to set in.
1000 Space GDCs
Vidarr had to do a really intense hacking minigame on Larson's brain.
gellaho
Gaelinar spends a long time messing with his weapons. Al has some issues with that
FancyShark
No Nam flashbacks to compete with THOSE nightmares!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"I also gave you a fetish for women wearing bowler hats. Just for fun."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
At least give him an immortal regenerating goat, Vidarr. Hook a dude up.
gellaho
Time to go steal some souls
👽 Trash from the Mo-Bot War
I love that I just popped into this channel randomly and - from my few attendances in previous readalongs - there is genuinely no telling which CBT you mean
Brendan
I missed when Silme died but I also missed when she decided Larson didn't suck.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
"I can't cry," said Gaelinar, "because you've apparently got a patent on it, you little bitch."
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Could just be a shortening of Cibatta, could be Cognitive Behavorial Therapy.
FancyShark
I hope Larson and Silme end up like Orpheus and Eurydice. Dead and in hell
I got you Rachel for Christmas
There are no bad options
Brendan
Bramin could have brought his princess back anytime.
1000 Space GDCs
Also that brain rewiring seems like it didn't take. Maybe double check your work, Vidarr
gellaho
And we end with Al finally remembering that kid he promised to raise
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And its like they are in the game Hades so Silme is Totally Over It.
Brendan
GF is a CBT psych, I'll let her know all her hard work could have been replaced by an apathetic sword.
Badgerman
All of this could have been avoided if Bramin had made a sex golem and Henry Kissinger had been hit by a speeding Fort Mustang
FancyShark
Larson: Volatile Victor, Virulent Bigot, Vidarr Vehicle, Vapid/Vanilla Victimizer, Vacillating Vendor, Vicarious Veteran and Vomiting Virgin of Vietnam will not be back in Thunderball.
gellaho
We have defeated Godslayer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Holy alliteration, Batshark.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
I love that your girlfriend and I are both CBT pros, sort of.
Brendan
So souls are like rings down the drain? You can still save 'em by removing the S-pipe?
FancyShark
We did it!
gellaho
You may be surprised to learn there were actually sequels to this
I sure as hell was
Badgerman
May it never find an uncondemning world nor a god who believes in it
FancyShark
It took some effort, Flippant Chum
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah what? Miriam thought this was a saga, huh?
Brendan
Well met, fellow book travelers!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Oh no
Brendan
So you can only die once but you can come back, and then I guess what, you're undead?
gellaho
Thus concludes the 81st edition of The Book Cage
1000 Space GDCs
does he go get his war criminal buddies out of hel, too?
Badgerman
Sadbois Die Twice
gellaho
And may Miriam Zucker never dedicate a book to you
FancyShark
I think it's like how Kratos keeps leaving the underworld?
Thank you, @gellaho !
Brendan
Nicaragua, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iraq again...
FancyShark
Thank you for all the great jokes, everyone!
1000 Space GDCs
Good job, everyone.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thanks, @gellaho! This one was pretty..........exceptional.
Badgerman
Good cage, everyone!
I got you Rachel for Christmas
Thanks for being a bright spot in a shitty day, everybody.
Brendan
Boy, this one was a pip.
FancyShark
You too, Rachel
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thanks for coming!
Brendan
Rex Moran wouldn't visit this place with a ten-foot staff.
FancyShark
And he's the man
Brendan
My vote is @Badgerman for MVP.
I got you Rachel for Christmas
And always remember to SHAVE!
FancyShark
Fuck yeah. Go, @Badgerman !
Badgerman
Aww, thanks! From a Hotdog alum that means a lot 🙂
gellaho
It is unbelievable she had the gall to put that dedication there
And I'm pretty sure dad wasn't pretending, he was trying to help Miriam out
Badgerman
It would have been less offensive if she'd gone to Arlington and actually pissed on soldiers' graves
FancyShark
Sheila Gilbert told her all the slurs
Badgerman
Oh my god you're right
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Raymond Feist...........YOU FUCKER!
Badgerman
Joel, I was harsh on you before, but maybe your failing was you didn't go far enough
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Raymond Feist! YOU SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER!
FancyShark
Janny Wurts must've drained a box of wine after this
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Joel Rosenberg: You should have slapped harder.
Maybe teamed up with her dad.
gellaho
Wikipedia weirdly vague
Badgerman
Parts Unknown, Iowa
EvilJ(Naboo had it coming)
she's from, somewhere
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Look, nobody from Iowa will tell you what town they are from unless they are from Iowa City or Des Moines. Otherwise you just get a blank look like "Where?", cos its all shit like Cumming or Muscatine.
Brendan
That usually means there was a 40-year-old fanzine interview where she just says "I grew up in Iowa."