That preview is why I thought she was also a cyborg. Also because Hunter keeps calling her "Lady Terminator" and "Terminatrix"
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
gellaho
Djonin Foxman
His shirt should say "human dick"
gellaho
Heathcliff is too pure for that
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
The Birds
gellaho
It is time.
Old Man Brendan
I am ready to die. Let's Steele ourselves.
gellaho
Starting off with two deadmeats getting murdered
We already have: lips, fat guy, and a simile
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lipless mouth! Shots fired at JD!
gellaho
I forgot how painful these are
sensitive New Age jakesy
Stuck like an aneurysm is such a clunky metaphor too
Old Man Brendan
Hands fluttering like birds is the least dignified way to die in a series about an unkillable cyborg that died of battery failure after watching a coyote chew on his dick.
gellaho
He's introduced like four more guards. Based on last time, they won't matter. However, one of them somehow had an art show
That got published in a magazine
Hunter also made sure you knew all their ethnicities
Old Man Brendan
New Age Avant Garde Ceramic Art sounds like a whole bunch of hippies find learning to be, like, too RIGID, man.
gellaho
I knew better than pay attention to the deadmeats
gellaho
There's the naked lady ninja
Old Man Brendan
Seems like it would be faster to don nonreflective clothes
gellaho
Seriously, are these similes supposed to be jokes?
Old Man Brendan
Nothing sexier than a Vanta black pipe-cleaner with a sword.
gellaho
why pre-1965 silver dimes, why silver, why not just say "dimes?"
even then, it doesn't make any sense
sensitive New Age jakesy
Did Dennis Miller write this?
DeusExNonSequitur
It doesn't make sense today, and then you realize this is set 150 years in the future. And then it makes even less sense.
Old Man Brendan
They just RANG different, Gen X wouldn't understand.
sensitive New Age jakesy
She laughed like Mariah Carey singing hallelujah at the oingo boingo, babe
gellaho
This is ridiculous
DeusExNonSequitur
While we're making fun of his similes, I want to go back to "slim as a wand," a phrase that's never been used before and is extremely unhelpful. Is it supposed to be literal? Or just really thin? If so, why not use slim as a rail, or something so the reader knows what the hell you're talking about.
gellaho
This simile rate is untenable
sensitive New Age jakesy
How about the deadly dry hump in the middle of all that though?
Old Man Brendan
All stairs were destroyed in the Bio-Wars. Only wands remain as pleasurebot attachments.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ground her bare muscular ass against his crotch
gellaho
It's only page 10, holy hell
Old Man Brendan
Isn't this the second time this lady has won a fight with a lapdance that stuns her male opponent?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha
His dick got hard. Such good writing
Old Man Brendan
Please don't kill me, it would stain my band merch in this volcanic dystopia.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Hahahaha
Old Man Brendan
At least he died doing what he loved: begging a naked woman not to hurt him.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“I know she’s actively killing me but fuck she’s hot!”
gellaho
Wtf is this
DeusExNonSequitur
I guess we can assume her nipples aren't human.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Right after we spend all that time writing bits about authors paying the same attention to dongs that they do for tits
sensitive New Age jakesy
Au contrere , what we have here are some Real Human Tits
gellaho
Aikido!
gellaho
I think that's four books in a row
DeusExNonSequitur
It makes no sense, first they could be felt through several layers of clothing, then they're explicitly called small.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Apparently they’re just really really hard nips
gellaho
Fucking Xenia Onatopp called, she said to tone it down
sensitive New Age jakesy
The cops on the scene later are going to wonder why all these dead guys had boners
DeusExNonSequitur
She grunted. His neck snapped. A+ writing. Jesus.
Old Man Brendan
What an embarrassing way to admit you're a virgin to the titillations of spree homicide.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I also love the implication that these guys like haven’t seen a boob in 12 years that they’re instantly hard
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
is it still necrophilia if the last gasp of oxygen is passively exiting their technically dead corpse? (Unrelated to the book, I mean)
gellaho
So, this turns into straight up pornography after this
sensitive New Age jakesy
I...huh?
DeusExNonSequitur
Is he really calling it cammie instead of camo, or am I missing something?
gellaho
She leaves him alive and fucks him
sensitive New Age jakesy
Can Victor will his dick to get smaller and his balls to retract? Is that a thing?
gellaho
Not comfortable with how the prologue ends after the graphic sex scene
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yikes
Dr Matt Gaetz reporting for duty
gellaho
Meanwhile, Steele shaves!
Old Man Brendan
...seriously?
DeusExNonSequitur
Read uncharitably, you could interpret this as Steele shaving with his back to the mirror. Which is kinda funny to me.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also how many guinea pigs has Hunter stepped on?
gellaho
Murder makes her horny
sensitive New Age jakesy
Looking back through at the simile barrage
Old Man Brendan
he got his flesh back?
Old Man Brendan
*rapey
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Fuckin Jilly
Lorem Ipsum Cerril
REFLESHED
gellaho
At the very end of the last book, they gave him vat-skin
They let Houska stay there? After he tried to blow Steele up with a rocket launcher.
gellaho
That's how it works, sure
DeusExNonSequitur
After 2 apocalypses, it's nice that they have the important things, like a sociologist in charge of arts and crafts.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I still can’t get over Apocalypse 2
Definitely needed a second one to spice things up
gellaho
SL Hunter has one talent: writing the most hateable characters
gellaho
There are 2000 people at this university in New Mexico
Even though there was a volcanic eruption twice the strength of all the nukes
Old Man Brendan
I forgot it happened, I thought he was going to flesh up in this one.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also the university is full of pussy libruls and I feel like Hunter is trying to make a statement somehow
gellaho
Babe
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahahaha yes
DeusExNonSequitur
I dunno, he's so subtle it can be hard to tell sometimes.
gellaho
This takes place in the 2100s
sensitive New Age jakesy
His wiki specifically calls out his libertarianism so it’s not surprising but also he’s being a little bitch about it
Old Man Brendan
They are pussy librul totalitarian mob collectivists. Like the avalanche, they are individually snowflakes, but DEADLY to the man who strides this world with thunderous steps.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I just popped and boy is steele going downhill huh?
Old Man Brendan
Downhill implies no effort. This...this is gonna be a slog.
gellaho
SL Hunter is one of the worst writers I've ever read. God rest his soul
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like look Steele was always this kind of macho male fantasy but Hunter is making it weird
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is he dead?
gellaho
This is somehow more poorly edited too
Old Man Brendan
Some say he died of extreme manlines.
gellaho
I believe Victor Milan is dead
Old Man Brendan
...history?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Luckily snowplows are made of STEELE
gellaho
I've seen "claque" instead of "clique," now "Ten-shut"
Jcantrell, hater of things
Hey man, editors are sjws
Old Man Brendan
Koffee-clitsch
DeusExNonSequitur
He also insists on spelling areola wrong.
Which is a word that has somehow come up more than once in his 2 books.
Old Man Brendan
"What exactly are "sin-rings," Victor?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
that chapter intro reads like the intro to a Soul Calibur match
"stepping onto the Stage of History"
gellaho
Major General Whiteman, a black man
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
lol I don’t know why soft black hand is so funny to me
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
fuckin Kojima characters
Old Man Brendan
Unmistakably.
DeusExNonSequitur
but does he speak with the voice of doom?
gellaho
In terms of future technology, military saran wrap might be the dumbest
sensitive New Age jakesy
Now The Hand of Doom, that’s what I demand
Old Man Brendan
It's like Large Adult Son, it's so unremarkable as to be notable.
What year did all the wars send society to shit?
Jcantrell, hater of things
Best part of any book is describing the tech specs of all the weapons and vehicles
Old Man Brendan
Photovoltaic Dick Floss
Jcantrell, hater of things
White man moisturizes
gellaho
I guess the military is going to try to take control of Albuquerque
Jcantrell, hater of things
Maybe it's to differentiate from his hard black hand?
gellaho
Late 20th century. Remember when that happened in the 90s?
Old Man Brendan
Wait, the miracle is you electrify it to make vibrations? That's the opposite of everything in reality it resembles.
Jcantrell, hater of things
"were actually cool out here, not having the us government around is pretty legit"
gellaho
Right now Albuquerque is ruled by 5 council members/warlords that are constantly fighting and the Crips
sensitive New Age jakesy
Mr Skin
gellaho
So I don't know if that's actually true
Mr. Skin seems ok, but those council members suck ass
Jcantrell, hater of things
I missed a lot tbh
But us invasion feels like a lateral move
sensitive New Age jakesy
They hang out in a gym that they have to lease from the Crips
gellaho
The army is working with the lady with the murder boner, so probably not better actually
sensitive New Age jakesy
If there’s one thing I know about Crips, an organization built to last 200 years after the apocalypse, it’s that their lease clauses are airtight
Old Man Brendan
I love that Mr. Skin, the unofficial sixth member, has exactly as much political clout as a priggish university wanna-be Mao.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Wait her name is misericordia?
Fucking why?
Old Man Brendan
Yup.
Because she spreads discord and Misery.
She's Elektra but for bodypaint.
Oh oh wait
She's Elektra + Typhoid Mary
gellaho
There's a sniper, and she helps in the horniest way possible.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Apparently it's latin for mercy
Which, is hunter being cute?
gellaho
I wonder if Donelson is the bad guy
sensitive New Age jakesy
I also love that Miseri is so hot that absolutely nobody can focus on the fact she’s killing everyone
gellaho
Solved at a Hardy Boys-esque speed
DeusExNonSequitur
This guy writes about sex and violence like a 3-year-old. "He looked at her butt and then his peepee felt funny and then she punched the man and he died."
sensitive New Age jakesy
That exact line might be in this book
Old Man Brendan
"Interfering bitch" is a pretty good summary of Hunter's foray into Steele.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I love how consistently steele isn't in these
Like both hawke and milan could not be assed to write about our main character
Old Man Brendan
Lady Bastard just asked how Steele was doing and I had no answer.
"Well who's the protagonist in this one?"
"Uh...Misericordia?"
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is steele human again?
He cut himself shaving
DeusExNonSequitur
To be fair, the new guy basically just invented Steele, but with tits and probably just forgot about OG Steele.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I missed a lot
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, but he's still an endoskeleton
He lost all his nysteel invulnerability.
gellaho
He also still has his robo-eyes and brain
Jcantrell, hater of things
Donovan steele is a cyborg with a human cock but somehow still profoundly boring
Old Man Brendan
but the core is still good. No word on whether running a 2-minute mile will shred his goddamn feet off.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The status of his human penis is up in the air I think
DeusExNonSequitur
To put on his special gun hands, does he have to rip his flesh?
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean they refleshed him so I'm assuming they didn't skip the dick
Old Man Brendan
Also, his flshes is baby years old, so he has no muscle memory but what the matrix can give him.
Dr. Mithras
Just an exhausted fantasy that can't carry a series
gellaho
Steele has gone into the council chamber in a Traxx-esque disguise as Peter Murphy. You know what name you aren't allowed to use in your RoboCop rip-off? Murphy.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Maybe he's just got a smooth mound now
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol at another Dennis Miller bit
Old Man Brendan
As played by Peter Weller.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Can milan go more than a paragraph without objectifying a woman?
Old Man Brendan
Mighty Bazongas is the worst euphemism I've heard for breasts all week, and last night I watched She's All That, where Paul Walker calls them bobos.
DeusExNonSequitur
Thank god the news media made it through the second end of the world. Do you think we'll get another TV anchor contract dispute?
gellaho
"The swellest kid gang since the Khmer Rouge"
gellaho
Good point
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean, if the authors aren't going to care about the setting I'm certainly not going to
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol my god
gellaho
Yes, but he can't go a paragraph without using a simile
Old Man Brendan
Don't make me defend the Crips, because the Crips are no Khmer Rouge.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
Downtown ABQ? that must have been a fight
Downtown is like. where all the city is
Old Man Brendan
The Crips are the product of genocide, not the arbiters.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
all the gov't buildings are in Downtown
it's like a 5x5-block chunk of an actual city, surrounded by 20 miles of 1-story whitewashed shacks
Old Man Brendan
ABQ is the only city I've ever visited without a downtown, and I've been to Columbus.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
Downtown ABQ is the city
the rest is small towns, stitched together like blanket squares
gellaho
This is a lot
Jcantrell, hater of things
Do you imagine for one moment milan has ever even bothered to look up albuquerque?
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
of course not!
but i find that funny
because of all the cities where the downtown could be lost to crimes
he picked the one where all the government is kept in the downtown
Dr. Mithras
I always fall asleep at the end of these. I feel like I missed some deep politiking.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Are we ignoring the paragraph just posted? Because there's a lot to unpack there
sensitive New Age jakesy
But also somehow Milan throws in more rape than Masters! How is that possible?
Old Man Brendan
I stayed on the edge of town, literally two doors down from the arroyo. It was surreal. Every street was named Dream/Star/Comet/gazer/Catcher Lane, and there were a few homes erupting beyond the edge of contiguous civilization.
Jcantrell, hater of things
she disaproves strongly of sex under any circumstances fucking what?
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
sounds like Rio Rancho to me :disdain:
Dr. Mithras
You heard right. Any.
gellaho
We aren't there yet
Jcantrell, hater of things
Like what does that mean?
What about babies?
Old Man Brendan
He acknowledges that was rape, at least.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Sex is how reproduce
Not even then?
gellaho
So the army is invading. People are concerned about a landfill in the double-apocalypse
Dr. Mithras
Surprised me
Jcantrell, hater of things
He does seem weirdly into that though
Dr. Mithras
What's happening
gellaho
And this is happening because the assassination failed?
Old Man Brendan
I wouldn't call the libruls "people"
Jcantrell, hater of things
So like, this guy is a professional writer
Old Man Brendan
You don't choose the pen name Masters without at least a little consensual non-consent.
Jcantrell, hater of things
He gets paid to do this
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is this whole book just going to be Milan commenting on libruls caring about the environment when , heh, we should be allowed to do whatever we want on our own land!?
Old Man Brendan
I say this as a professional writer: the bar is lower than you'd ever bet money on.
Dr. Mithras
I dont understand. Is the military blowing away litterers or protesters
gellaho
This is how people talk
Jcantrell, hater of things
Protesters I think
Old Man Brendan
I'm hardcore, but not like, snub a dwarf hardcore.
gellaho
Boy, this is irritating
Jcantrell, hater of things
Wait who are the good guys, because the novel seems to hate the pussy snowflake sjws but also the military isn't coming off in a good light
Old Man Brendan
Crowe is the one likable character, though.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The good guy is the Lone Wolf, Steele, the one and only true person
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
NOBODY IS GOOD
ALL IS VANITY
HUMANITY IS STORED IN THE BALLS
gellaho
This guy thought valley girl was timeless
Dr. Mithras
As sharp as the probe on a scanning tunneling microscope and as devious as Satan.
sensitive New Age jakesy
He’s now Milan’s self insert fighting against the government and the libruls! Valiantly striving for freedom
Jcantrell, hater of things
See I'm usually all for writing without a regard to overall morality or who's good it bad, but the characters have to be compelling right?
Old Man Brendan
I think we all know whatever humanity exists surfs on progesterone.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Otherwise it's a bunch of shitty people being boring and shitty
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
:hrtea:
Old Man Brendan
Exactly why I quit the sopranos.
gellaho
Chocolate tofu
Dr. Mithras
New agers, growing vegetables badly. As you would expect.
Old Man Brendan
I'm gonna give him his due: that's an actual character observation.
Dr. Mithras
Was that a cunnilingus joke?
Old Man Brendan
Chocolate tofu? Lord, I hope not.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Yeah, hippies don't know how to cook or grow food. We all know this
gellaho
The army is bombing the university
Old Man Brendan
If New Agers can't make good veggies, it's all on the Italians' shoulders now.
Dr. Mithras
Demons?
Old Man Brendan
Some say you can see Ice in the flames, if you look...and dream.
Dr. Mithras
BRING BACK HAWKE!
Jcantrell, hater of things
Love when authors invent a group of people then write about much they hate them
Old Man Brendan
He's been human for 48 hours and already has a scar.
Jcantrell, hater of things
God damn when hawke is the best option the situation is dire
gellaho
Listen, if you're going to be this much of a perv, then you need to tell me about Steele's dick
sensitive New Age jakesy
This is totally just Milan ranting about people he hates in real life, thinly veiled
gellaho
I don't care about his muscles
Dr. Mithras
Fucking environmentalists in a post nuclear volcanic Armageddon. Just being totally right.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Yeah but, like it's a bunch of stereotypes that don't exist in real life
Old Man Brendan
I've been enough of a fan to know how infuriating this would be if you cared about the original concept.
Jcantrell, hater of things
It's annoying
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh yeah it’s all in his head
He imagines every liberal to be a whiny hippie who wants to take his freedoms
Dr. Mithras
Aarghghf hippies!
Old Man Brendan
"Donovan Steele is a battle-scarred cop in a strangely functional New York with the weapons of a one-man army and a bulletproof dick. WHAT IS THIS."
Dr. Mithras
Freedom hating....hippies?
gellaho
This is so painful to read
Jcantrell, hater of things
This book is like reading a post from r/gamers or a ben shapiro video
Old Man Brendan
Whiteman vs. Honesty is going to be a pitched battle, I tells ya.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Serious Crimes Unit
gellaho
It's been like, zero minutes since this started. How are there protests
Dr. Mithras
Major resume there.
Old Man Brendan
Nevada's been cut off from the rest of America for 50 years, but also has a state championship for karate.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Libruls being pussies, they had already planned the protests just to PISS ME OFF
gellaho
There weren't even protests in New York, where all the major governing bodies were
WTF
Jcantrell, hater of things
Counter to the stupid bullshit crimes department
Dr. Mithras
Won by a serious crimes lieutenant who is also a two tour special forces operative. The author is either a dickhead or writing a fraudster in as a character.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I feel like I hated simon hawke so much reading the other books, and I still do, but I wish he was still the writer
Old Man Brendan
My theory is Masters came to America as an exchange student and spent four years he could have been getting laid on the best grass available just bitching about all these ungrateful Kent State coeds.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I love how he's like "politics are stupid bullshit" in one of the most politically charged books I've ever read
Dr. Mithras
Like we started low and sank
gellaho
I got nothing
Dr. Mithras
Weird
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol now he’s just a Fox News commentator
Dr. Mithras
He has like, strawman socialists but what's communism, haha it failed so hard.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Communism hasn’t existed in 150 years but I hate it!”
gellaho
Well, it got worse
Old Man Brendan
Hawke was problematic, but at least this was his vision. This is like watching Sid break all the toys.
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh no
Jcantrell, hater of things
If I was an owner of the property and milan handed me this, id fire him and eat the manuscript
In front of him
Dr. Mithras
It was straight. I really am glad he highlighted that.
Old Man Brendan
They have an AIR FORCE and nobody in the great 48 knows they're alive.
Dr. Mithras
No wait, was her pubic hair glossy?
Jcantrell, hater of things
All the best novels spend time describing sixteen year olds bush
gellaho
Let's skip past the attempted rape
DeusExNonSequitur
Remember when the character had strong feelings about 1965 dimes, but now someone doesn't know about communism?
Old Man Brendan
Better describe what Asian pubes look like before mentioning the gaping femoral wound.
Dr. Mithras
A cigarette tip to the tip of a penis is something I've never read before.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha Cock Burn!
gellaho
It's "ass-wipe," dipshit
Old Man Brendan
Honestly, I appreciate the novelty.
Jcantrell, hater of things
First describe how fuckable she is and how her pubes are doing then if you time, describe any plot relevant details.
Old Man Brendan
What you mean? This is good word in Americas, the ass-white, it is incredible my main man.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also she’s 16
Jcantrell, hater of things
Literature 101 really
Dr. Mithras
Said the man to his dominatrix, tipping her.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Make sure we know she’s underage
Old Man Brendan
I like to imagine maybe, MAYBE this is what Orvus sees as his gaze travels from her face down.
gellaho
They're gonna show it on the news!
Old Man Brendan
Listen, it's a harsh world. If you can't make informed decisions by 13 maybe do Masters the courtesy of dying instead of obstructing his world.
Dr. Mithras
What's the authors full name?
Old Man Brendan
The people deserve to know whose cocks are being burnt.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Victor milan
Old Man Brendan
aka
sensitive New Age jakesy
EL Hunter
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahahaha
Ok I take it all back Victor is good now
Old Man Brendan
...Galil?
Djonin Foxman
Huh.
gellaho
If only there had been events in Wyoming in previous books that Hunter could draw from
This fucker is messing with Jagged Steele, and I will not tolerate it
sensitive New Age jakesy
Sgt Tracy did not eat all that pussy just to be forgotten to the annals of time
Djonin Foxman
I don’t think Galils had a bull pup variant
gellaho
What
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha
Dr. Mithras
What the bananas hell
Old Man Brendan
They gave him a 21-cunny salute.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha and a water slide in his honor
Old Man Brendan
Buried in the Womb of the Unknown Soldier
Jcantrell, hater of things
I do not think milan knows what cunnilingus is
Djonin Foxman
Galil didn’t have a bull pup but there’s another Israeli bull pup from that era
Old Man Brendan
With a Sexual Congressional Medal of Honor.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I think he read that line and was like "what even is happening"
Djonin Foxman
Look at this asshole getting Galil guns mixed up with Tavor
sensitive New Age jakesy
Please Victor, let me know if the Olive Garden is still open
Jcantrell, hater of things
You being a gun nerd us the weirdest thing I've learned about you
Old Man Brendan
If it is, you know Victor's going to hail it as the last surviving remnant of real italian culture
A place that made alfredo bland.
Djonin Foxman
I’m an army brat
Old Man Brendan
That gun actually looks like a Scottish terrier.
Djonin Foxman
So, i know the bullpup trend was at peak popular in the 90s, but I need to know if Hawke wrote about the other gun trend.
Has Steele ever featured “caseless” ammo?
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Miseri walked up to the counter. ‘Wha...what will you be having maam?’ She sliced open his guts and grabbed his cock. ‘Soup, salad, and dead-sticks’”
Djonin Foxman
That was HUGE in late 80s sci fi
Before we realized caseless ammo kind of sucks.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I like bullpup aesthetically but I don't know enough about guns to know if it's any better
Djonin Foxman
Like, Shadowrun explicitly has all guns caseless unless noted otherwise.
gellaho
I've never read so many words that mean so little
Djonin Foxman
Eh, it’s lighter and maneuvers in tight spaces better, but it’s a bit harder to reload.
It’s fine.
Looks cool as fuck
I’m not a gun snob, you won’t offend me with gun opinions other than the belief the Pancor Jackhammer exists.
Djonin Foxman
You say this after how many Steele books?
Jcantrell, hater of things
The only gun I've wanted to buy was a historical reconstructed colt dragoon pistol, black powder muzzle loaded whole shebang
gellaho
Matrix is a computer program Steele, why do you give a shit
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah these ones are particularly trash though
Old Man Brendan
Matrix comin'!
gellaho
The other ones were at least mildly interesting
I just skipped over a military ambush that had no fucking point
Old Man Brendan
Jesus, Masters, just say it: Jilly's never going to fuck Epstein.
Jcantrell, hater of things
We got to learn about Steele's dick
sensitive New Age jakesy
The Milan Steeles have devolved into thinly veiled political straw man rants
Jcantrell, hater of things
It hasn't been mentioned so I'm assuming he's just got a smooth mound now
Like the flesh recoating just covered him
gellaho
Hunter, sir. I wish this was masters
Old Man Brendan
ACTUALLY, what you FAIL to rEalIiZE about Steele's world is that the liberties we have traded away....
I can't ever keep it straight. Two Russiany names with three tough-guy pen names between them.
gellaho
Steele's computer hole is non-allergenic
Djonin Foxman
You know, I just noticed Steele always fights with his cyber parts and doesn’t really have a trademark gun for me to mock and criticize
Old Man Brendan
Russiany = Victor but not Milan
gellaho
Lazer canon and darts
Jcantrell, hater of things
His trademark gun should be a desert eagle
sensitive New Age jakesy
It’s a 1911
But it’s only mentioned in the first book I think
Old Man Brendan
Steele IS a gun
Djonin Foxman
Oh my god it would be
sensitive New Age jakesy
Or maybe the second. When he and Ice gear up, it comes up
Jcantrell, hater of things
It would have to be some kind of .45 right?
sensitive New Age jakesy
It’s the gun his dad killed his family with
Old Man Brendan
"Dr. Singh had made Steele's new body 21, so there was nothing wrong with him having sex with Jilly, who had turned 18 the day before she found him."
Jcantrell, hater of things
Like it's the official caliber of small penis havers
Djonin Foxman
I love the 1911 like any other American but do you know what it doesn’t have? A fucking second stack of bullets.
gellaho
The two groups are literally just shelling each other, this is so tedious
Djonin Foxman
It’s over 100 years old and holds like ten bullets because it was invented before magazines worked right.
Old Man Brendan
How much ordinance is in Wyoming that they could take Albuquerque at any moment after all this?
sensitive New Age jakesy
gellaho
He's really on how her breast size
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean I like revolvers so I'm not about to throw stones on magazine size
gellaho
They have fucking nukes in Wyoming
Old Man Brendan
You can destroy a place with nukes, but you sure can't take it.
Djonin Foxman
He has a literal cowboy era gun
sensitive New Age jakesy
You got the 10 shot clip right and at least Masters knew that
gellaho
And a missile backpack
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ice gets the .44 magnum and Steele has his fathers 1911-A1
gellaho
He said it again!
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahahah
Old Man Brendan
Maybe he collects hands from his fallen foes.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh god were only on page 58
gellaho
this is the first I've heard of the "bandit Alliance"
sensitive New Age jakesy
If you can dodge a wrench
Old Man Brendan
Soft, weak, womanish General of the apocalypse.
gellaho
Oh, God. Fucking fuck you
sensitive New Age jakesy
God dammit
Old Man Brendan
How did she get so good at killing?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I assume this is Miseri
gellaho
indeedy
Old Man Brendan
He made her to prove peak human can beat any machine, then used machines to age her to her peak.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Children tend to be rapey, Hunter postulates
Old Man Brendan
"You guys don't understand, SHE seduced ME." --Matt Gaetz
Jcantrell, hater of things
If there's a single problem in this world that can't be solved by cowboyin' Id like to hear it
Justice league taught me that's the best way to go from the us to iceland?
Norway?
Where the fuck was aquaman?
Jcantrell, hater of things
Aw, the best sci fi trope "it's not technically pedophilia"
Kind of thought that was an anime move
sensitive New Age jakesy
“She’s actually a dragon, she’s 3000 years old”
Jcantrell, hater of things
But here's milan boldly pioneering
gellaho
This has turned into a very boring war book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Milan: somehow hornier than Masters
Jcantrell, hater of things
Military sci fi written by a libertarian pervert, the best type of book
gellaho
Appendix: well known as the thinking organ
Old Man Brendan
the gut's gotta think SOMEWHERE>
sensitive New Age jakesy
Steele-seeking appendix
gellaho
Jesus, dude
I gotta make sure I have my ass-gun
Djonin Foxman
Oh man I feel so much better about my shitty war writing for my bootleg Steele chapter
gellaho
I preferred the other lip moistening
Djonin Foxman
Oh shit
Caseless and 10 mm
Old Man Brendan
She's a pair of tits that exist as life support for weapons.
sensitive New Age jakesy
With the mind of a child
Old Man Brendan
If they can clone Steele forever, and his core is almost indestructible...
Djonin Foxman
So there was actually debate around the 80s on if the standard should be 9 or 10 mm
Old Man Brendan
the smartest thing for Steele to do is learn cloning.
sensitive New Age jakesy
He could theoretically live forever that way
gellaho
Aikido!
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
Westlake, you sonofabitch
Djonin Foxman
Apparently the FBI was using 10mm and the cops used 9
Bike Dancin' Greg
Damn Aikido and lips in two consecutive pages
Djonin Foxman
Ultimately 10mm fell out of favor because they “were starting to let women into the FBI and police”
And 10mm was thought to be too much for women
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is there an appreciable difference?
gellaho
Really creepy stuff coming up
Djonin Foxman
10mm is noticeably stronger.
9mm is infamous for not killing as often
gellaho
gellaho
Jcantrell, hater of things
An obvious flaw I'm sure
Djonin Foxman
Kind of more a meme because it’s a fucking gun either way
sensitive New Age jakesy
69, but not nice
Jcantrell, hater of things
Djonin Foxman
But yeah, because of the debate and the ditching of 10mm, a lot of more “macho” alt history and sci fi uses 10mm to show its a more dangerous timeline.
Like Fallout
gellaho
Miseri gets shot
gellaho
Bike Dancin' Greg
It would be fittingly Masters if they pointlessly kill off Miseri with no payoff whatsoever
Djonin Foxman
As for caseless weapons, it was mostly an experiment in reducing the weight and cost of ammo.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I got my money on her dying here and then there being a clone or clones of her that pop up later
gellaho
Just kidding, ninja shit
gellaho
Djonin Foxman
The caseless bullet was more or less a block of gunpowder with a bullet on one end
You can imagine it was really sexy for a little bit at the end of the Cold War as “future smol ammo”
Then it immediately fell out of favor because of obvious flaws.
Namely, a block of gunpowder is heat sensitive
And cracks easier than brass when you drop your magazine
gellaho
I guess this coin laugh is going to be a thing
Djonin Foxman
Oh and it doesn’t make a good seal so the bullets come out slow or off target
In short - caseless ammo is the biggest 80s and 90s sci fi gun meme
Bike Dancin' Greg
More coin similes!
Djonin Foxman
Next to gyrojet ammo
And 10mm
gellaho
I found it, I found the most poorly written sentence
Djonin Foxman
Oh I’m sorry did I miss something gross?
Old Man Brendan
I feel the "peak human" argument has lost all relevance now that she has a healing factor and a clone programming.
Djonin Foxman
This sentence smells like burnt toast
sensitive New Age jakesy
Wut
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah now she’s just a second generation cyborg
gellaho
OK. Weird to bring up in a fight
Djonin Foxman
Hope I’m not derailing things with the sci fi gun blabbing, I’m just trying to distract myself from the weird sex stuff.
Old Man Brendan
She was as much stronger than he as he was than a five-year-old girl-child.
On a technical level, it's correct.
gellaho
So fucking weird. She's also turned into Dennis Miller
Old Man Brendan
But if you have to get technical, it's incorrect.
Djonin Foxman
“Quick, what bothers women?”
“Not havin babies!”
Old Man Brendan
For those who aren't Macbeth fans, this is foreshadowing that Clone Steele will kill her.
gellaho
Fuck you, traffic and shopping malls
Old Man Brendan
...he's just cruising Route 66 now?
There's action, and Steele's not part of it because he is obeying traffic laws.
gellaho
Jackoff motions are back
Old Man Brendan
Maybe that's how their society waves goodbye, we don't know.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Wait, hold on, don’t start the battle without me, the 101 is a nightmare right now at rush hour”
gellaho
gellaho
I don't care for this relationship
Old Man Brendan
Steele will impregnate her in battle by bleeding in her vicinity.
gellaho
This is repetitive and gross, what a combo
gellaho
This seems like it would be impossible for the pilot to fly while this was happening
Old Man Brendan
Why aren't they painted black, how am I supposed to get an er--OH, okay, murder.
Djonin Foxman
I remember when I was on patrol and had to do a co ordinated laugh with my fellow officers while our boss stripped
Old Man Brendan
A bodystocking of blood is a bodypainting, sir.
gellaho
Hunter remembered the serial killer from the beginning of the last book, that's nice
Old Man Brendan
buk-buk-BAGAW
Djonin Foxman
This author is weird - the phrasing and author’s voice is less stilted than the first few Steeles, but the author feels skeezier
You can tell this was written by a native English speaker who’s a creep instead of a weird but enthusiastic Russian guy
The creepy bits feel less naively creepy if that makes any sense.
Old Man Brendan
He's really getting comfortable with his creep.
gellaho
Just know that someone ate dog shit off the sidewalk for no reason
Old Man Brendan
This is why the TGIF spinoff That's CROWE! failed in one season.
gellaho
Without any real explanation, Steele and Crowe have made their way to the General's quarters
gellaho
And they led the general to the killing fields
gellaho
This is my first time hearing about this, I don't know how they knew about it
Alpha Scientist Javo
does he tell people about his pistol hand every book
gellaho
Donelson tried to invade the enclave without telling the general about it
gellaho
Usually
Old Man Brendan
Steele is Whiteman's Ghost of Christmas Present
gellaho
So Donelson is going to do a coup during an invasion, which is a weird move
gellaho
So I'm thinking Steele's human skin wasn't the best idea
Alpha Scientist Javo
wait
wait
wait
troopies?
troopies
Old Man Brendan
"She had remarkably supple wrists" is an odd observation for a horrified mourner.
I'm the only sniper to draw blood on Steele, but i died in a cammie blouse.
gellaho
It was all over in a minute, what a conflict
gellaho
Donnie?
Old Man Brendan
Donnie Steele.
Boy, these people from the 23rd century love them some 1990s pop culture references.
Alpha Scientist Javo
wait jilly is still alive? I have to admit I just showed up and assumed she was dead by now
gellaho
Oh, he got away
gellaho
None of our named characters have done much
Alpha Scientist Javo
thats got to be a new record for a love interest
gellaho
Nevermind, Dameron got him
gellaho
This book is thoroughly unpleasant
Alpha Scientist Javo
only asians get mad when you kill their children
Old Man Brendan
Is Crowe the Slasher?
Djonin Foxman
Oh man has no one called him Donnie yet?
Is this book the first time someone said Donnie?
I can’t believe I never made a Donnie joke.
gellaho
Then she calls him Don
gellaho
They always call him Steele. Even his ex-wife, who is also a Steele
So it's weird
Old Man Brendan
Our Steele is Colt Blacke, and by this rule I've been turning every use of Colt into surname.
gellaho
All that, and Miseri just visits the university
Alpha Scientist Javo
a deepthroat voice huh
gellaho
Nevermind, they are holograms
gellaho
Matrix has gone bad
gellaho
And got a flesh body?
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
that was part ONE??
gellaho
Ahuh
Alpha Scientist Javo
oh shit are we doing another two parter
does gellaho have the strength to soldier on
Old Man Brendan
It's not that ironic when you consider Steele is in the best version of his body.
Or that Matrix never wanted to be physical again.
I vote we pick this up next Friday.
gellaho
I suppose we can. There are 75 pages left
Old Man Brendan
Nothing happened and somehow there's a LOT to process.
Classic Hawkesters
gellaho
I don't think I can describe just how painful that book is to read
It changes perspective every 7-10 paragraphs
So it seems like there should be a lot more happening than there actually is
I actually have a headache
Djonin Foxman
And I got to bitch about guns
So I’m happy.
You can really hear the change in authors now.
Alpha Scientist Javo
the chickweed special
Djonin Foxman
It’s actually a little jarring
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, ya done good, Gellaho.
Djonin Foxman
The author feels more relaxed but is also acting more like a creep
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
Proud of everyone here. We got through a compound lift day, and only over the course of next week will we realize the many ways it strained us.
gellaho
It's just remarkable how little happened in that first part that actually matters to the story. He just decided to have the air force invade rather than wrap up any of the stuff from the last book
Like the Jesus cult, or the serial killer, or Miseri
sensitive New Age jakesy
Haha I’m sorry boys, I checked out about halfway through. Need to get the strength to soldier on later
Djonin Foxman
I missed the first part because I was driving
They rescheduled me so I could make sure the Mariners don’t cause a spontaneous riot
gellaho
S.L. Hunter's writing is just so miserable and unpleasant
Djonin Foxman
No kidding.
It feels like those dime a dozen libertarian books that ape off Blackhawk Down et al
gellaho
It was somehow worse than his writing in the last book
I thought that long break after Psi-Man would help
Djonin Foxman
Roundabout Plays
gellaho
https://www.gocomics.com/heathcliff/2012/05/03
FAST FORWARD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We now pick up on the adventure one week later
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
gellaho
Soon
Jcantrell, hater of things
Fuck
gellaho
Fifteen minutes until Molten Steele Part 2: Dreams in the Dark
Jcantrell, hater of things
Yeah, dark is where we go to sleep
That's where dreams are
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
Quick PSA: The Gellaho Audio Book of Steele is amazing. Voice work, all your favorite Steele thoughts "moisten's lips" are laid bare. It is truly a sight for your ears.
gellaho
That's far too kind, but thanks
Old Man Brendan
THE END IS NIGH
This train has reached the end of its Steele Traxx.
gellaho
A reminder for how Part 1 ended, Matrix (the electronic copy of Steele's brain) was given a biological body by Dr. James and Miseri
Old Man Brendan
Steele vs. Steele: Real Human Cockfight
sensitive New Age jakesy
They’re totally going to touch tips aren’t they
Old Man Brendan
No, they can't. It's Timecop rules, but for the heart.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Obviously a good idea
gellaho
We're beginning with lava
Jcantrell, hater of things
How close is she to the lava?
Old Man Brendan
You can get surprisingly close!
gellaho
Pretty close
Old Man Brendan
However volcanos have ways of killing you that have nothing to do with lava.
gellaho
When she was introduced, she was naked and lava jizzed on her
That's how he phrased it
Jcantrell, hater of things
Glad we get an explanation of how he can hear her, super necessary
Old Man Brendan
This actually tracks with our lives.
Audio-wise.
Jcantrell, hater of things
"oh god if I don't explain how steele turned the gain down this scenario will never be believable"
gellaho
And, she's naked
Jcantrell, hater of things
Of course she's naked
Is she ever clothed?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Why would he be shocked about that though
That’s the Real Human Dick effect
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
She just predatored our Robocop.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Wait what?
Old Man Brendan
Pulled his head back on his neck.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is now the time?
sensitive New Age jakesy
All women are inherently naked against Steele
Jcantrell, hater of things
To imply secret transmitters secreted away in her vagina? Is that what's being implied?
Old Man Brendan
Ah the ol' vaginal antenna
She's going to kiss Steele mid-battle and he'll stab her because she was counting on him to melt into an erection. She doesn't know he already turned down Carmody before he had enhancements.
sensitive New Age jakesy
He didn’t account for her Artificial Robot Vagina, the anthesis of the real dick
gellaho
Off to a good start for similes
Jcantrell, hater of things
I love how this asshole keeps making fight scenes weirdly horny
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
sexy sexy violence:musical_note:
Old Man Brendan
"What if man, but Nysteele, fought woman, but clonebot?"
gellaho
That is too bad
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
Hip of ground into a hidden crevice
sensitive New Age jakesy
Steele isn’t used to shooting on women’s backs
Old Man Brendan
Steele can run at 60mph, normal people can move hands faster than eyes can track, and this lady just putzed him.
sensitive New Age jakesy
His pull out game is famously not strong
gellaho
This lady has Superman speed
Mortifying guts
Old Man Brendan
I would shoot you, but you're hot.
gellaho
I hate it when my intestines are embarrassed
Old Man Brendan
His guts already mortified. These are fresh, new guts.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Real Human guts
gellaho
Steele is tired
sensitive New Age jakesy
The uhhhh. Robot. Is tired?
Isn’t it canon that he doesn’t actually need sleep?
Old Man Brendan
His dick and heart are tired.
gellaho
Usually you'd share the Japanese when you say something like this
Old Man Brendan
My dude, you JUST got smell and taste back.
There's a coed throwing herself at you.
And you are INVINCIBLE.
gellaho
They've gotten into physical combat, and Steele has a robo-fever and is rotting
Old Man Brendan
Hang out a century, when things settle down, you'll be living your best life. Learn sculpting in the meantime or something.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Didn’t he just survive, like, years after getting half eaten by a coyote?
gellaho
I think this woman is kryptonian
gellaho
What do you think you're doing, remembering things
Old Man Brendan
Seriously, this is an inconvenience at best. He's a nysteele core in a new-Steele nougat coating.
gellaho
Back to the nips
sensitive New Age jakesy
She, like most other women, gets extra horny when beating guys up apparently
Old Man Brendan
flared nostrils are rapidly becoming the new moistened lips.
gellaho
I'm, uh, well. You'll see
Old Man Brendan
Red Sonja must have been playing after Predator. Hawke definitely sprung for HBO.
gellaho
1) Steele is thrown into lava
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lava rape
gellaho
2) He then finds himself on all fours in the woods
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh no, I actually know what happens here and it’s bad
This is what I get for reading ahead
gellaho
3) Steele-coyote
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol yessssss!!!
Old Man Brendan
Man vs. Self
Man vs. Man
Man vs. Nature
This scene has all three antagonists but it's
Man vs. Inexplicably Depressed Self
Man vs. Superwoman
Man vs. Sex-Lava
Man vs. Actually, Another Self Waiting in the Wings
okay wait
GDC
I've only seen one mention of lips so far. Seems low.
Old Man Brendan
All of that was a meaningless dream
sensitive New Age jakesy
I read a review of this book and the Steelyote was the first thing they had mentioned out of several that made me think this whole book was a joke to Hunter
Old Man Brendan
except it wasn't? And they put him in a coyote?
or is this Matrix?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like he’s not even pretending to care about any of these characters or the overall story
gellaho
Matrix, a who has all Steele's memories, tried to stick his hands in a light socket the instant he became human
gellaho
Steele is in a cyborg coyote
sensitive New Age jakesy
And matrix forgot that electricity can kill you
Old Man Brendan
the coyote is a cyborg too?
Matrix & Steele are like 2600 Atari vs. 7800
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hunter didn’t want to write this and just decided to fuck with everyone and get away with the stupidest shit he could think of
Old Man Brendan
"I'm really more into naked ubermenschen clones these days than cyborgs."
sensitive New Age jakesy
But when I am interested in cyborgs, they better be coyotes
gellaho
Miseri compares herself to a chimp and then tries to suck Matrix off
sensitive New Age jakesy
It looks like she’s about to succeed
Old Man Brendan
Who wouldn't want a thrillkill chimpgrrl? The only downside is all the lavadust in your dead child's crib, because that's the only place she wants to have sex.
All of the Bio-Wars and ensuing disaster happened after America switched to metric, I get it.
gellaho
Matrix has transcended the physical world and cannot get hard
Old Man Brendan
You have Steele's everything but for some reason you're an incapable, sad idiot.
gellaho
And the cyborg coyote can talk
Old Man Brendan
You can't write a line like that about a character like this and expect the audience to NOT assume she literally did this after biting it off.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Wait so you were gifted the 3.5 hour dick, the dick that killed so many women one way or another, and you can’t get it up?
Don’t you have Steele’s mind and cock? Come on man!
Old Man Brendan
Jakesy, who is more noble, the warrior who can slay 10, or the one who can slay 100 but chooses not to?
This is that but for frothing quim.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Man so Matrix is really just a master of self control
gellaho
OK, so. Now he's saying that Steele's aircraft was bombed and that's why it crashed. Not because of the volcanic eruption that happened around the same time
Because, fuck it, why have something elegant
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha so the volcano didn’t even matter?
I guess that tracks, the first apocalypse didn’t really matter either
gellaho
When Matrix got caught, he also got so electronically high man
Old Man Brendan
150 years from now, hackers are still zit-faced teens.
Matrix still calls Steele Don, and it infuriates me.
gellaho
Yeah, Hunter didn't read the other books
sensitive New Age jakesy
Little retconning action here
gellaho
I don't need this chosen one horseshit
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Virtual reality? Is that like, the future maaaaaaan”
Old Man Brendan
Higgins chose you for your physical and mental fortitude, she said, choking his mewling original-recipe version.
gellaho
VR torture
Old Man Brendan
*Virtual reality *in italics is the most '90s move a book can make.
gellaho
I have no idea what this guy is going for
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Let me introduce you to...the WORLD WIDE WEB”
Old Man Brendan
So is this all virtual? I've lost all track.
"We have the web in New York, doctor. Zit-faced teens use it to 'surf' their local 'BBS' for 'moist sex.' "
gellaho
Then stalactite torture
Then he falls down a hole and drowns
Old Man Brendan
Steele's a one-many army from New York. He wouldn't think in meters. He'd call them milliklicks.
wouldn't the stalactite just push him into the hole unscathed?
sensitive New Age jakesy
So Hunter just got really high and pounded this part out in a weekend huh
gellaho
Then he wakes up in bed with his "wife"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh no
gellaho
So that's chapter 18
sensitive New Age jakesy
More like chapter 25 to life amirite
gellaho
We're really spinning wheels
Old Man Brendan
I feel like your daughter being painted up like a jezebel is scarcely a problem in between finding her in your bed and also she is a corpse.
Betting odds that Void becomes a character unto itself?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I need pretty big odds to take that bet
gellaho
This is still going on
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Void moistened it’s lips and stared deeply into Steele”
gellaho
You know what, I'm glad this writer is dead
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah the more I read the happier I am that he can’t hurt us anymore
Old Man Brendan
This is so lazy I'm not even going to exert a joke on it.
gellaho
This fucker is trying to rewrite JD's work
sensitive New Age jakesy
Apparently we need to revisit chapter 1, book 1
Old Man Brendan
We were fools to turn away from The Master.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Should we dedicate our new book to JDM? I feel like he’s earned it
gellaho
OK, seriously fuck this dude
Fucking 20 pages of this VR torture
gellaho
And Miseri trying to cyber Steele
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is he still a coyote too
Old Man Brendan
To be clear, he is being tortured by Dev Cooper's counterpart for no reason after a book and a half of sending his Ultra-Clone to kill Steele in combat, proving man>machine.
gellaho
Do you think the rewards of 10x the calories is 10x the shitting
gellaho
:man_shrugging:
Old Man Brendan
Honestly, but for the murder, Miseri sounds like a fun date.
Terrible relationship material, but great for a day at the boardwalk.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean your mind will be blown by the crazy sex until she kills you arbitrarily
gellaho
She's also months old. If I'm remembering correctly
Old Man Brendan
I just want a girl who can eat as much as I do and still hike as much as she does.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah something like body of a 20 year old but mind of a child
gellaho
She can sense murderous intent by Pine needle noise
Old Man Brendan
I assume she's an adult equivalent after being tortured for 20 virtual years in virtual reality
sensitive New Age jakesy
But to be clear he has hands now, as in he’s not a coyote?
Old Man Brendan
Is he killing her in VR?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I can’t get past the coyote thing
gellaho
Boy this is weird
gellaho
His mind has been put into an electronic vault where he's being tortured in VR
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh this is still that, huh
How many pages can you possibly get out of virtual reality torture
Old Man Brendan
Okay, she's definitely Neo.
Have you noticed just how much of Steele's tribulations come from spurning women's advances?
gellaho
Now Steele is playing VR games because he learned how to manipulate the program. Somehow
Old Man Brendan
...did he just let his 12-year-old son write this chapter?
gellaho
There are legitimately five examples of him breaking the torture program
Old Man Brendan
Because that's who writes dialogue emphasized so oddly.
Hawke is burning through ideas here and making all of them pointless.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The string done broke, son!
gellaho
He's got an army of Steeles
gellaho
Hawke is JD Masters. This dude is Victor Milan
Old Man Brendan
I can never keep this straight.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Victor Milan/E L Hunter are the Bad Men
Old Man Brendan
Nicholas Valentin Yermakov | Simon Hawke | JD Masters
gellaho
SL Hunter, and you can forget all about him after today
Old Man Brendan
Hawke/Master/Hunter all get bobbled in my head under "badass names of medieval jobs"
gellaho
This Dr James dude is going to try to get rid of Steele and Matrix. He talks like nobody
sensitive New Age jakesy
Tapcis is so bad
The name I mean
Old Man Brendan
"Well Christ, man, who the fuck is Tapcis?"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also that, this is the first time I’ve heard this name
gellaho
Tapcis is the head of security, he's going to try to kill Miseri
He's done nothing except be a toadie to Dr. James
He also talks like Renfield
sensitive New Age jakesy
Smiling wetly is something dogs do maybe
gellaho
He poisoned her chili
sensitive New Age jakesy
Couldn’t she smell Steele coming from through a volcanic eruption?
Rat poison apparently slipped by her flared nostrils
Old Man Brendan
Tapcis is his Smithers.
gellaho
This is how she decides to survive
Old Man Brendan
She can outmaneuver a robot but she ate lye.
gellaho
Next paragraph: Matrix tries to levitate
sensitive New Age jakesy
I like the the computer program with all the knowledge of the internet and Steeles brain is just a complete fucking moron for some reason
Old Man Brendan
Matrix, now is not the time for your bullshit
sensitive New Age jakesy
He’s the comic relief
gellaho
Men come to kill him, and Miseri kills them while he stands around like a moron
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
What do country roads sound like after a cloudburst?
gellaho
Then they do the old Chewbacca
Old Man Brendan
Kinda like when you're using a roller but the tray is low on paint.
sensitive New Age jakesy
So he’s saying gravelly
Old Man Brendan
RIP Chewie, killed by Rey
sensitive New Age jakesy
But in an extremely roundabout way
gellaho
So they've gone to the IPU (which is what the computer Steele is stuck in is called)
I'm not sure what the plan is
Well, Steele is in a human body. Completely fucking up the premise of the book
gellaho
I'm not sure what the plan is
Well, Steele is in a human body. Completely fucking up the premise of the book
sensitive New Age jakesy
At least we got some lip action
gellaho
Now matrix is a coyote
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha
Coyote seems more appropriate for Matrix’s mental capacity
Old Man Brendan
But the lingering question
Is Matrix's non-cyborg coyote half the same coyote that ate his own dick?
gellaho
I don't think so
They've just been escaping the lab, it's not exciting
So Dr James shows up
gellaho
Then Miseri starts calling him daddy and also asks him to take her, which I don't like
Old Man Brendan
I wonder if male writers trying to show how crazy women are ever know how crazy they reveal themselves to be.
gellaho
Then Matrix saves her from getting shot, Steele shoots the fuck out of him, and lava kills everyone else
Jcantrell, hater of things
God can do Hunter go one page without making it weird
Old Man Brendan
what the fuck
gellaho
Hey, guess what
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean, I think if we expected anything better were the assholes
gellaho
This might be the worst ending for a book, so prepare yourselves
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is it sexually weird?
I feel like it might be based on everything else we've read
gellaho
Matrix is going to be a coyote now I guess
Old Man Brendan
Who would have thought the best ending we'd get was Ice and Legs Prostituti getting shot practically off-screen.
gellaho
Isn't that sweet
Now it gets stupid
Jcantrell, hater of things
Hey someone better pick up that phone
Because I called it
Old Man Brendan
Misericordia is every Frank Miller character portrayed by every Brittany Murphy character.
gellaho
Dr James, the dweeb is still alive somehow
Jcantrell, hater of things
Misericordia is the creation of a dude who definitely gets women
Jcantrell, hater of things
Oh he is going to get cyborged
His dick? Is it still intact?
That's important to the cyborg process for some reason
gellaho
Tapcis is sad, but has an idea
Get ready, I need you to be ready
Are you ready?
Jcantrell, hater of things
I can't get any readier
gellaho
THE END
Jcantrell, hater of things
Ha ha ha wow
Old Man Brendan
Oh my God, they're going to Darth Vader Predator's sex-dad in this Robocop.
Jcantrell, hater of things
So he's in Steele's robot body?
gellaho
There was an army of human Steele clones, he got put in one of them
The only cyborg left is a cyborg coyote
Jcantrell, hater of things
See were they expecting another book or is that meant to be the end
It feels like a punchline
Which I guess makes the steele series one long joke
Old Man Brendan
They cooked Steele up an entire body that could be grafted onto an inorganic frame but they can't print new legs and organs.
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
They put him IN A STEELE BODY but they can't put him in a James body.
RIP, everyone.
gellaho
Now there's no Steele cyborg, but two Steele twins running around
And a coyote with Steele's brain
Nothing was resolved, hooray!
What of the Jesus Cult? What of the serial killer? What of The Organization?
Old Man Brendan
Motion to have a future Colt Blacke book cross over with Steele to fix all of this even if the rights bankrupt us.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I’m 100% on board with this
If I’m in charge of that project I have Steele wake up from the events of the last Masters book and realize the SL Hunter books were all a nightmare
gellaho
Well, I'm still on this plane of existence, so my work must not yet be complete.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I wonder if there’s a way to do it on the sly without directly referencing Steele
Like they meet a cyborg named Donovan
That name ain’t trademarked
gellaho
Schmonovan Deale
sensitive New Age jakesy
Donovan Golde
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is Donovan Golde, because he's always soft.
gellaho
Also, what's with this horseshit about only hearing about Matrix's dick
sensitive New Age jakesy
I like Donovan Irone, because you could pronounce it eye-rone or I-ron-ee and that’s ironic
Like rain on your wedding day
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ol’ Flaccid Matty
gellaho
I need to do my official Steele ratings
sensitive New Age jakesy
We do need some power rankings
gellaho
#1 Jagged Steele, great stuff
gellaho
#2 Steele - where it all began, joyously stupid setup
gellaho
then a steep cliff
#3 Cold Steele - objectionable content, but at least things happen
gellaho
#4 Killer Steele - the most vile content-wise, but again, things happen
gellaho
#5 Renegade Steele (tie) - Boring as hell, Ice dies
gellaho
#5 Target Steele (tie) - Boring as hell follow-up to Renegade Steele, everyone dies
gellaho
Another steep cliff
#7 Fugitive Steele - This was extremely painful, and horribly written. But at least it wasn't split into two parts and had an ending
gellaho
And finally, #8 Molten Steele - Fuck you S.L. Hunter
sensitive New Age jakesy
What an unsatisfactory ending
Jcantrell, hater of things
Ha, he's none of those things the tagline says
sensitive New Age jakesy
Pretty much agree with all of these, need to re-read killer Steele
gellaho
That one's real rough
Jcantrell, hater of things
I feel like I expected this all to go nowhere
sensitive New Age jakesy
Killer was rough and if I remember Renegade was bad because it’s boring then Ice dies
gellaho
Page 89 of Killer Steele describes at least 7 rapes
sensitive New Age jakesy
Which is somehow less than Miseri commits in one scene of a Hunter book
Old Man Brendan
technically she just commits sexual assaul during murder assault
gellaho
Renegade and Target really run together. They could easily have been one book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Renegade is the one where he just like stumbles around town drinking at dive bars right
gellaho
Yeah, and then he fucks Donna which fixes his brain
sensitive New Age jakesy
That part checks out at least
Old Man Brendan
Carman did not stick around like they set up.
sensitive New Age jakesy
He got a shout out in this last book at least
There are a minimum of 5 unresolved plot lines in the last two books alone
