A Photon Adventure Novel #6. The All-new Intergalactic Action Series! It's not just a game. It's an adventure...
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gellaho
This week, we return to Photon for the end of David Peters's/Peter David's series. This time, it's all about our favorite mustachioed cyborg wizard Lord Baethan. Despite this, Warriarr is on the cover again. Join me this Friday, 5pm eastern, for the 138 page conclusion to the Photon Adventure Novels with Photon: Skin Deep
gellaho
@Brockway be a Photon Warrior who is unafraid to lift a laser to help a friend, and give me a pin
FancyShark
So they've never let him be the badass he clearly is and the book's whole hook is that now he's not a badass?
gellaho
Yes, a total wimp. I refuse to believe that
FancyShark
If he doesn't spend half the book crushing ass after becoming human, it'll be a disservice to that photo
Brockway
pinned
a message
to this channel. See all
pinned messages
.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Biologically, he's already a complete mess.
FancyShark
How so?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He's a robot with hair.
FancyShark
Ahh, true.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
is the hair tougher than the armored hide? More heat resistant?
maybe his hair is like...a heat sink.
maybe it gets the heat out of him, rather than keep it from getting in.
anyway, I may be able to make this one, and hope to mock him alongside you all at the appointed time.
FancyShark
sweet
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's the finale of David Peters'/Peter David's Photon series, Photon: Skin Deep. For your preview, here's Bhodi Li getting beat up by Frankenstein
FancyShark
And immediate incest tones
While we prepare for the final round with Peter David's Photon run, let's remember some of our favorite moments from the previous books.
...
And done.
BlueAmaranth
i'm new here and have no context, so i have to ask: is this the literal victor frankenstein from the book, the literal frankenstein's monster from the book, or just a guy whose name is frankenstein
FancyShark
No idea. Probably a guy dressed as the Frankenstein monster
gellaho
It says costume party, so probably
I don't think many people dress up as Victor Frankenstein
FancyShark
A quick review for anyone that hasn't seen the Photon books before:
This is an eternal battle between Light and Dark, all to get children to play laser tag
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
It begins!
BlueAmaranth
so, ender's game?
FancyShark
Except the hero is a whiny idiot
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Ah, so Speaker for the Dead then.
四道死狐「Ｄｊｏｎｉｎ」
Heyooo
Pig trees
gellaho
Unless Ender's Game includes laser tag, ancient dieties, and literal Hitler, probably not
FancyShark
Oh right. Bhodi didn't know who Hitler was
gellaho
I will not miss Peter David's comedy
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Ender was Literal Hitler to the bugs after peace.
gellaho
metaphorical Hitler, but sure
again, unless the bugs descended from Hitler
We start with an excerpt from Lord Baethan's diary
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Actually the monster is JD Masters, Frankenstein is just the doctor named Simon Hawke.
gellaho
His robo-diary
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
All Celtans are wizards, but wizard Celtans are especially arrogant.
BlueAmaranth
cyborg wizards...
FancyShark
Despite being awesome and knowing he's awesome, he gets his ass handed to him almost every time
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
An AI speed-mastering magic is a dope concept though.
gellaho
Add carolium to the list of fictional materials
gellaho
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Carolium just ionized Nysteel. Mountain men make it all the time.
BlueAmaranth
i wonder if the author had an extremely resilient, or possibly just stubborn, friend named carol
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Our mullet technology is light-years beyond you flesh-terrans
Carol = Dopey
gellaho
Lord Baethan is very modest
FancyShark
"Also, when we succeeded one time, we reset reality"
BlueAmaranth
so is this like a chapter from the POV of the bad guy or are we supposed to like this guy?
FancyShark
This is a good guy
BlueAmaranth
no way
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He did cop to being arrogant.
gellaho
I didn't know Lord Baethan was such a dick
BlueAmaranth
i thought the whole "everyone thinks we're arrogant, but in our defense, we're deservedly arrogant" was meant to be like an implicit dunk on the guy
FancyShark
There's a 10 year old kid who went postal on a virtual reality version of his orphanage
Since when is Leon the leader?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
It's unfair that the rest of the team is like: surfer idiot, living turd emoji, ten-year-old orphan, and SPACE-WIZARD-ROBOT
FancyShark
And lady
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
HAUGHTY lady
Honestly I didn't count her because she deserves her acclaim. She's a warrior princess.
FancyShark
true
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Not just a wizard-borg but nobility.
He's a Lord among a superior race.
The closest thing his character has to a weakness is the scraping sound his 3' dick makes when sneaking up on enemies.
gellaho
I think you mean "Earth boy of only ten years of age"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Parcival the computer nerd orphan.
His baseball bat is a gun.
GDC
optical "skills", like he'd be able to see better if he just applied himself more.
BlueAmaranth
"as an arrogant alien cyborg, i am contractually required to refer to normal earth stuff in derisive quotation marks"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
You kids have no idea how much a computer weighed in 1986. None.
gellaho
My computer has determined that Pike sucks
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
our Radio Shack one ran on CASSETTE TAPES
A Foppon.
BlueAmaranth
also lmao kid hacker, bad guys are screwed, everyone knows hacker rules dictate the younger the hacker the more their hacking skills approach "basically magic"
GDC
We had a 1980s laptop which would crush your legs if you actually put it on your lap.
Greg
How can you be arrogant when you are on a small team that includes Bhodi
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I am entirely convinced Foppons come from a methane planet
FancyShark
"Pike is a coward and will get us all killed. There, I said it."
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
you need that giant head to float in the bogs.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
You are wise beyond your time here.
Here, this will contextualize the quagmire you strolled into: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PIMquC33X0
gellaho
Unfortunately he mostly just hits people with his bat
BlueAmaranth
oh god, is the book the novelization of this show or the other way around
gellaho
I think the relationship is tenuous
There was an attempt at a second series of books too
BlueAmaranth
this poor soul in the helmet looks like he's regretting his entire career trajectory
GDC
it's a novelization of a TV adaptation of a laser tag game.
Written by a guy best known for Star Trek tie in novels.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
There is a massive Japanese presence in the production of this show.
gellaho
I cannot overstate this. This is a book series designed to sell laser tag to children that started with Hitler, D-day and the Holocaust
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
his Incredible Hulk run rules though.
gellaho
The TV show is practically irrelevant
BlueAmaranth
that's wonderful, i can't wait to see the rest of this
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
...we should interview him.
FancyShark
Demand answers
gellaho
Tivia of Nivia, fresh off pretending to be a space pirate
GDC
The child soldier they recruited for their space battles went back in time and didn't know what the holocaust was.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
ALL HAIL, TIVIA OF NIVIA
BlueAmaranth
i get the sense that "tivia is the opposite of pike" is a genuinely devastating dunk on pike
FancyShark
WHO VACATIONS IN BOLIVIA
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
When he learned about it, he thought it was totally UN-tubular.
See? Invisible ninja princess owns.
gellaho
And Christopher Jarvis aka Bhodi Li: Cosmic Moron
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I'd be sick of Bhodi Li's shit too if I were awesome by birthright.
GDC
"Also, we have an idiot teenager that thinks with his dick."
gellaho
Both Bhodi and Parcival qualify for this
BlueAmaranth
i have to admit "there is probably a high teenage mortality rate on earth as parents become exasperated with their young" made me amused for the actual reason it was intended to
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi Li: lacks the emotional maturity of a ten-year-old.
Bee-de-beep: My superior processors calculate no chance of the victory you just won, earth-human.
gellaho
You are a humanoid, Baethan
BlueAmaranth
haha "there have been several times when the only reason we didn't all fail and die was because this kid is really stubborn but i sure hope he becomes less stubborn"
FancyShark
haha
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
From Baethan's view we're all Celtoids.
GDC
I expected better from Tivia too, Baethan.
FancyShark
"We all were waiting for the two seventeen-year-olds to bone."
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Somewhere Prince Samuron of Gameron is weeping that Tivia could do so much better.
gellaho
Don't do this, Peter
FancyShark
I don't think lack of emotion is why you aren't calling Bhodi a friend
GDC
You're not writing Data here, Peter. That book's due next week.
gellaho
Intergalactic laser tag
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Arrogance: not an emotion, more of a vibe.
gellaho
I'm glad Peter David is going over all this again in book 6
FancyShark
"We could just send out robot drones to shoot all the crystals with no risk to our living operatives but that would be emotional"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Just admit you don't know where they come from, Baethon.
gellaho
MOM, a computer created by cosmic beings from before the creation of our universe
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
100 years is a cheap charge length.
BlueAmaranth
so this guy's role in the team is "exposition lord," huh
gellaho
In case you forgot
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
That's barely enough time to invent modern industry and ruin what the crystal made.
FancyShark
Arryans!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The warlord of Arr looks like Nightmare Patrick Starfish.
gellaho
And now we introduce each of the Arrians
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He looks like a sex doll of a vampire anteater
We all sense the tension between the Warrlord and MOM, and expect it conceals attraction.
BlueAmaranth
wait so if you crystal'd earth would it actually reverse climate change or does it only work on planets that are uninhabitable for "normal" reasons
gellaho
MANDARR, the former man
gellaho
BlueAmaranth
"soldarrs" are you kidding me
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
BlueAmaranth is going to fit right in here.
gellaho
WARRIARR
gellaho
Aka, this asshole
FancyShark
Who gets rekt every book
BlueAmaranth
i'm not sure i'm ever going to recover from "warriarr"
FancyShark
Oh it gets worse
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Evan Kyley of eArrth, you have been chosen to be the one rad bad guy.
BlueAmaranth
so we're all reading these names with a pirate voice right
gellaho
DOGARR, the scorpion?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
There is also a pirate Arryan
BlueAmaranth
i feel like cyborg wizard is secretly fond of dogarr and it genuinely pains him that he can't reach his full potential
FancyShark
"But that one's named Bugarr..."
gellaho
PIRARR
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
A true engine of destruction, with his two stumpy le--I'M SORRY I CAN'T KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE
FancyShark
Dogarr only pawn in game of life
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He has stumpy legs for leaping considerable distances.
gellaho
BUGARR says fuck you
BlueAmaranth
god help us all
GDC
What makes a claw a phaser claw?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Well like...picture a baseball bat.
Blunt weapon, right?
But now it's a phaser.
gellaho
DESTRUCTARR
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
That, but for sharp.
FancyShark
Motherfucker, ALL of them spend too long gloating
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Opinion: there are too many Arrians
gellaho
Not to mention HITLARR
And the time Bhodi Li went evil and became MURDARR
BlueAmaranth
they should do one called ARRISTOTLE who just tries to persuade you into surrendering
i mean surrendarring
FancyShark
Plenty to pad out a book length by introducing each one each time!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Hitler's arrian name was Failed Arrtist
gellaho
Lord Baethan completely forgotten the events of "Photon: In Search of MOM"
BlueAmaranth
ok but what if the good guys fire a phaser at it after that
FancyShark
Sorry. Remembering things is emotional
gellaho
DOGARR and BUGARR have never done anything
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
It's like a fertilized egg.
You can knock all day, but the inn is full.
FancyShark
Not true. Dogarr failed to eat Parciva- okay, you're right
BlueAmaranth
does that mean the arrians can't darkify a planet the good guys already lightified?
gellaho
Peter David forgot these are stupidly called "projectons"
gellaho
Not for 100 years
FancyShark
Peter got the 'i' key fixed on his keyboard
BlueAmaranth
why aren't they Projectarrs
also wow that's really on the nose re: the laser tag thing
gellaho
Kinda seems like the robot should write faster
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
There are infinite planets, what are you guys fighting over.
BlueAmaranth
wow i just assumed the entire book was going to be the memoir
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
"I just really like volcanos."
GDC
He seems pretty emotional about being distracted from his book.
gellaho
Gross
BlueAmaranth
ewwww
FancyShark
Zero to creep in record time
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
This robot wears a communicator and uses a computer.
gellaho
It is a cosmic chess match between the cosmic beings PHOTON and NEUTRON
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
You ARE a computer
FancyShark
He's a Mac
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Not electron?
the evil one is NEUTRON
Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo
oh honey
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Well ain't this some Gray Force shit.
gellaho
Neutron doesn't even make sense, it's photon not proton
Peter David has a loose understanding of the atom
BlueAmaranth
yeah i had no idea what i was in for
FancyShark
Is it a hitler?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Girls do have lovely legs though. Ah, to be 17 and own a laser gun again.
gellaho
Photon is a particle of light, it isn't really the opposite of a uncharged particle
The third book was very, very stupid
The evil computer was called DAD
BlueAmaranth
....
FancyShark
DAD imprisoned MOM
BlueAmaranth
did mom absorb his code at the end like an anglerfish
FancyShark
I know I say this every reading, but Peter's clearly working out issues through these books
gellaho
Grosser
BlueAmaranth
is there context for the hat
gellaho
I don't like the implication that the 10 year old thought the 17 year old was checking him out
BlueAmaranth
oh right, this is the "earth baseball hat"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He just didn't want the turd to feel bad.
gellaho
He has a Cleveland Indians baseball hat. I don't know why it's so important to him
He lives on a space ship because he doesn't care about Earth
BlueAmaranth
"i've lost my hat! my memorable design and distinctive silhouette...ruined! how will the viewers recognize me now"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I dunno, I think it's kinda nice that the 10yo kid is out in the '80s.
GDC
The only thing he values from his homeworld is a racist caricature.
FancyShark
Don't let him hear you throw shade at him. He's a hair trigger away from genocide
gellaho
Everyone is trying to impress MOMMY
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
We should let the Arrians have Ryde, it's already half-volcano
BlueAmaranth
what a waste to name a planet ryde when there aren't even any good places for motorcycles on it
FancyShark
"Shut the fuck up about Celtar, Baethan"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
It's got an antagonistic orbit with planet Dye.
Hahaha, Lord Mage Robo-Baethon, the Ultimate Warrior is also the champion climber.
gellaho
Bhodi Li: Cosmic Moron
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Okay, is anyone fact-checking, or is he like my insecure friend Walter growing up who could totally have hit that ball if he'd wanted to?
I have 500 mummies in this backpack, and every one of them knows how to eat a pussy better than you, Bhodi.
BlueAmaranth
it would be really funny if they ever actually went to his planet and everyone there was like "baethon? you mean that huge nerd nobody respects?"
gellaho
Slacks?
FancyShark
"Who the hell's Baethan? Wait, are you talking about Benny?"
gellaho
No mention of the exposed arms being a problem
Pictured: Space Slacks
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Ordinarily she would be a whitesnake video, but the '90s style was zooming up on us.
FancyShark
"Bhodi's dickbasket remained hollow and concave"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Lord Baethon is the Vanilla Ice of his homeplanet. Wins at everything, respected at nothing.
FancyShark
I just realized Warriarr is going back for seconds after the last time he and Bhodi shared a cover
gellaho
They do frequently forget about those transporters
FancyShark
Bhodi and Tivia grew up to be the Lockhorns
gellaho
They had portable transporters in the first book, but apparently they need the spaceship to do it this time
GDC
Peter has to remember how teleporting works in each of the franchises he writes for, which is at least 3. It's understandable he mixes it up sometimes.
gellaho
Tivia busting out the wolverine claws
FancyShark
Bhodi, don't lecture a woman on how to use claws. Especially when she's wearing them
GDC
Yes bodhi, weapons are meant to hurt people.
FancyShark
Greg
Bhodi - "you could, like, stab someone! They could get hurt! Isn't galactic war supposed to be goofy laser tag?"
gellaho
No evolution in Photon land
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The Lazer Tag show was set on earth and the alien warriors came to you. very considerate reversal.
Greg
Also I'm glad to have new blood here @BlueAmaranth or should I say BlueAmarranth!
Of course if you were a Photon character infiltrating us your name would be Betrayarr
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Blue, weren't you here before? Your name's familiar.
BlueAmaranth
yours is too, actually--possibly we're both in another server?
gellaho
Bhodi Li gets in a fight with a bird
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
No, I only play Photon with this one and our side-project.
BlueAmaranth
it's a mystery then! i don't think i've been in this server before
FancyShark
A hawk with longer beak and talons? Like, an eagle?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Unless you backed that Little Nemo kickstarter, I was there for a short while.
BlueAmaranth
oh dang, was it a barrd the whole time
BlueAmaranth
doesn't ring a bell, i'm afraid
GDC
Damnit bodhi, we just got done explaining how rare life is on this planet. That bird is probably endangered.
gellaho
I don't think birds go searching for eggs to hatch
BlueAmaranth
they don't, but some types of bird will try to brood an egg/something that resembles an egg if they see it
FancyShark
Birds like shiny things
GDC
Peter should have looked up with a solenoid is before he used it as technobabble.
BlueAmaranth
i've seen a video with...i think it was a duck or something? doing an instinctive series of behaviors in response to the sight of an egglike thing near it, rolling it under its body
gellaho
Seems like if the bird was big enough to carry this, Bhodi shouldn't have had such a hard time shooting it
FancyShark
Bhodi knows big birds are there to teach you through songs and to talk to Snuffilupigus
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
That bird doesn't have to explain itself to me. Sit on anything you want.
gellaho
Such mysterious alien technology
BlueAmaranth
garrdians
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I feel like talons would do a terrible job holding a perfect sphere.
BlueAmaranth
the call was coming from inside the house
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
made of crystal
You know its surface area is vector
gellaho
Only the bad guys do the Arr thing
FancyShark
It's scratched all to hell
BlueAmaranth
but if you say it out loud, it's the arr thing! it was in code!
gellaho
Bhodi Li with the hip lingo
BlueAmaranth
tivia would have been fine if bhodi just let her do her thing
typical hangsplaining
FancyShark
Bhodi would have grabbed her legs regardless
BlueAmaranth
true
gellaho
Why make these two 17
FancyShark
Nevertheless, he was at his full 3"
BlueAmaranth
the target demographic of 10 year olds can only relate to characters up to the age of 17, after that they're old
gellaho
Your heroes, ladies and gentlemen
FancyShark
The End
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Cloud scraping is way better. Tivia is the real hero.
BlueAmaranth
wow, nobody even noticed that baethan went off a cliff
i'd say that must be a real blow to the ego but that would be an emotion
gellaho
I think this literally happened to Bhodi Li two books ago
BlueAmaranth
baethan has a video game inventory
gellaho
Any guesses on the name of the gold cyborg
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He's a wizard, he has a bag of holding
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
AuRRic
FancyShark
Goldan?
BlueAmaranth
....celtarr
my god. it goes all the way to the top
the battle was lost before it even began
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Baethan gets an evil twin!
gellaho
TYRADE
BlueAmaranth
wow, the author really did mix this up with TNG
gellaho
He's got a lot of opinions and he's going to be mad about it
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
When Tyrade was banished, magic was only up to six levels.
You don't hand a gun to an ape.
FancyShark
@gellaho would disagree with that
gellaho
Baethan sucks
FancyShark
"Just yanking and pulling at his staff"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
did he just got a wizard handy?
He force-choked his chicken
BlueAmaranth
oh no! first the hat, now the staff
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Wait, the photon gun did NOTHING?
BlueAmaranth
this is a dark day for our heroes
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
it leveled Berlin last time
gellaho
Emotions, whaaaaaaa
icy spicy jakesy
So the new guy is just Flexo to Baethan’s Bender
BlueAmaranth
i hope he puts on silver spray paint and masquerades as baethan to deceive the rest of the team and they all completely fall for it and baethan realizes they never really understood him past the surface level at all
gellaho
What a coincidence, just running into an ancestral foe
BlueAmaranth
he goes back to his memoirs and violently crosses out the part about how he would consider them his true and dedicated friends if he had feelings
FancyShark
Not even a good paint job. Just one pass, huge gaps in the coverage
BlueAmaranth
ahahaha "i know i sound like i'm lying, but have you considered...you're evil?"
"wow, you're right, i AM evil! you must be telling the truth"
gellaho
I have questions about what Peter David thinks a gun looks like
icy spicy jakesy
Yeah that description makes it sound more like a dragon to me
gellaho
Sure, why not
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
That is true though. Shitheels think everyone else is a shitheel.
BlueAmaranth
baethan, screaming: "THIS IS A PURELY LOGICAL RESPONSE! LOUD VOCALIZATIONS INCREASE THE PROBABILITY OF MY RESCUE! IT'S NOT BECAUSE I'M UPSET!"
FancyShark
"Thanks for entering the room on the dangerous side of the gun"
oh wait, cage
BlueAmaranth
is the gun gonna turn baethan into a bad guy
FancyShark
Worse. A human coward
gellaho
Having fun, kids?
BlueAmaranth
nooooo not the bird :( what about the eggs in its nest
FancyShark
Just like your parakeet. That's right. Peter David knows what you did.
gellaho
Losers
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Mandarr, you chauvinist
FancyShark
"Shouldn't we warn the planet's population?"
"Nah, they had their chance."
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
"This planet already sucked."
BlueAmaranth
damn, i didn't think they would have the guts to let the bad guys have a planet
but like, what do the bad guys do with it now? does this mean they can live on it? or are they just griefing
FancyShark
It goes in the "win" column and they do the whole thing again on another planet
GDC
Wait wasn't this already a darkness planet? Or did they just fuck off and forget about Baethan?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
It was a regular null planet
you know, the kind ruled by Neutr--d'oh!
gellaho
Everyone sucks
icy spicy jakesy
Why isn’t it the Darrk Destroyer
BlueAmaranth
wooow, that's just cheap! they won fair and square and the universe is flipping over the game board
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
"Mandarr, you glorious motherfucker, you did the impossible and beat the protagonist! Tonight beer and whores are on me! Warrlord out."
FancyShark
Letters are expensive, okay?!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Hahaha
They converted a dying planet.
BlueAmaranth
although, like, i'm still unclear on what if anything they were going to do with it, and if there is any sense whatsoever in which an intact darkness'd planet is more useful to them than an exploded one
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Enjoy your Krypton, Mandarr.
gellaho
Projectons are back
GDC
But it's named after a letter!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The book already lampshaded that nobody knows why.
I bet Peter David had cool ideas for this, and they kept telling him all the crap he couldn't do.
gellaho
They didn't tell him no on anything
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
If you had a zuvembie projection, you would absolutely stay on a planet while it exploded.
gellaho
You don't get Hitler in your children's book if they're saying "no" to shit
FancyShark
Mandarr is a coward
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Do the projections feel pain?
Looks like it's time for Ryde...
icy spicy jakesy
Projectons do not, but they are killed by laser tag
gellaho
Baethan is now a sad, naked man
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
to Dye
I AM BAETOR
gellaho
Except for Mandarr, who they see all the time
BlueAmaranth
i can't believe the beam actually did just turn baethan into a guy
GDC
Tyrade is a reverse Robotnik.
gellaho
Cry for Baethan
FancyShark
Tyrade's Guyanizer was laughed at by the academy. But who's laughing now?
omigodomigod, DID THE MULLET SURVIVE?
gellaho
Lordship is bestowed by the metal
gellaho
unknown
I don't need your Doctor Who references Peter
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
They carry a jumpsuit around in case they take a prisoner.
FancyShark
A nude prisoner
gellaho
Cyborgs still have fleshy parts, you aren't going to get immortality that way
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The origin of cyborgs invalidates the origin of cyborgs
GDC
Yeah I would have stopped making cyborgs after the first one did that
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
We became cyborgs because robot brains could never do what human brains can do. It would be a lot of work!
gellaho
What an incredible foe
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Anyway, we built a robot brain to build cyborgs
Magiks
FancyShark
If he escaped, it doesn't sound like he was utterly defeated
gellaho
OK, sure
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He was supposed to be dead!
Obviously.
FancyShark
Obviously
icy spicy jakesy
This is Project Download, btw
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Tyrade seems rather gracious in victory.
GDC
Does he explain why he turned evil? Was he just pissed off that he got the shitty prototype cyborg body?
gellaho
Oh no, robo-allergies
FancyShark
Rebelling is a built-in requirement for prototype soldiers/robots/cyborgs
GDC
Of course of you test out your experimental cyborgificator on a guy named Tyrade you deserve what you get.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Baethan's human cells can detect if you're going to copy his memories into Robo Rick James
It's pronounced Tier-AH-day
FancyShark
"Whatever, Terry"
BlueAmaranth
so arguably the original baethan is actually legit, permanently dead--no continuity of consciousness, tyrade killed him and made a new separate guy
gellaho
What'dya mean they ain't born with robot parts
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi with the self-own.
Don't blame Baethan for teabagging him
FancyShark
Imagine working your ass off but you miss getting cyborged by one point
gellaho
Keep switching cyborg and wizard around
BlueAmaranth
he's plagiarizing his own memoirs!
FancyShark
So you can see why it was a good idea to make beings that hate the rest of society the elite
BlueAmaranth
yeah kinda just sounds like they did too good a job on tyrade
GDC
That defrocked priest line hits a bit differently after all the sex scandals.
gellaho
Did you know Peter David wrote Star Trek books?
FancyShark
Tussornade is a shitty sports drink
GDC
Benilyn is a discount cough syrup.
gellaho
In conclusion, suck it
FancyShark
Buuuuurn
BlueAmaranth
i bet all the smug ones are gonna get guyified too, as poetic justice
and then they'll have to pass a bill that grants recyborgification to all in need of it so that they themselves aren't trapped forever as guys
FancyShark
And the "No Guy Bill" was thus passed
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Classic managerial POV
gellaho
MULLET UPDATE
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
If the system failed, you failed the system.
FancyShark
Oh thank god, the hair is safe
That means Baethan is now in possession of his sweet style and a human penis. He should commence showing every lonely housewife a good time
gellaho
Not cool, mom
GDC
This is one time where the villain's "we're not so different, you and I" speech is pretty compelling.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Greetings, Bhodi's mother. You are an attractive woman with dusty blonde hair. I require sustenance in my hu-man form.
He still knows magic though
Like, he's a 17-yo with terrible barbershop choices, but he KNOWS MAGIC
he has a laser pistol.
just stay on Intellistar!
GDC
Direct me to your waste evacuation room. I have not needed one in a century.
gellaho
Barbara Jarvis: Bigotted against the Scottish
FancyShark
Jeez, Pete. That seems uncalled for
gellaho
Baethan is immediately pathetic
BlueAmaranth
mom instincts kicking in
this was tactical on baethan's part
FancyShark
"Don't give me a house. I'll just screw everything up."
gellaho
He's not from Earth, Peter. He's not human
Get it together
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Baethan's new to emotions and he can't handle them.
GDC
He seems to have a pretty good grasp on self-pity.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
JUST LIKE US
FancyShark
"Smile, Baethan! All you have to do is smile!"
gellaho
Why is a ten year old living in space reading Tom Wolfe
GDC
I don't know what's less realistic: that the genius 10 year old read Tom Wolfe, or that the genius 10 year old thought that Bohdi might have.
gellaho
Sure
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
"You should never have been a Level 10 mage! The fault is yours!" -- Guys who promoted you to level 10
In the final book we find out Parcival is Photon's avatar, here to walk and fight amongst his glorious champions and also Bhodi.
gellaho
Stop making references
If Bhodi Li doesn't know who Hitler is, he should not know who Ann Landers is
FancyShark
If Bhodi is supposed to teach him how to embrace life, Baethan should just kill himself now
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
At least have Tivia say something like "Yeah, and when blarns Florp, I'll be the next host of Warrior's Pride!" to balance it out
gellaho
Peter David remembers he's supposed to be selling laser tag
FancyShark
Remember the layout and rules for later in the book, kids!
GDC
Hold on. Didn't the last book end with some other kid getting Last Starfightered like Bohdi? Did Peter just decide to drop that?
gellaho
I am not explaining it kids
BlueAmaranth
MOM can freeze time and yet somehow their side hasn't completely crushed the arrarrarrs
icy spicy jakesy
We call this move the JDM
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Somewhere on Earth an astronomer is losing his goddamn mind why it's not Tuesday.
gellaho
Weird
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
why not just move Bodhi Li through time? They went to 1944
icy spicy jakesy
“Explain this whole thing to me”
So I did. Anyway,
gellaho
I don't like what you are doing Peter
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
She sounds like a manic pixie-goth dreamgirl, be careful, Bhodi.
icy spicy jakesy
I think she wants the cyborg dick
FancyShark
Baethan, so help me, if you depression this up
gellaho
I think she's like thirteen
BlueAmaranth
oh no, baethan is gonna fall in love and realize he likes being human and having emotions and then when he's cyborg'd again, some distant part of him will want to be sad about it but no longer can
FancyShark
Nevermind, depression away
gellaho
Indeed
icy spicy jakesy
Yikes
FancyShark
She's never met Bhodi
BlueAmaranth
oh nooo she is thirteen
well, maybe it will be a little sister type friendship
icy spicy jakesy
What are you doing, step-Baethan?
gellaho
Bad Peter David
Bad
BlueAmaranth
...wait but why was a 13 year old wearing that shirt
icy spicy jakesy
God dammit
BlueAmaranth
oh NO
oh god
this took a turn
FancyShark
Peter's playing the one card he has left to end this series
"You bastards didn't blink at the 17 year olds? Fine. There's lower numbers"
BlueAmaranth
do you think if you are over 100 years old then if you have a romance arc with a 13 year old they have to make a new category of crime to charge you with
FancyShark
"Twilighting"
gellaho
I'm remembering this everytime I people talk about Peter David's comic book work. I won't be able to help it
icy spicy jakesy
Those are rookie numbers
GDC
Damnit Peter, don't make me summon the Ape. :NarcApe:
BlueAmaranth
in peter david's defense, kids having crushes on adults is a real thing, but what a needle he has set up for himself to thread here
icy spicy jakesy
I mean look, I don’t take any pleasure in being right in this case
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
So do we now hear Baethan with a scottish accent?
EHM A GRAHT WURRYARR
gellaho
Bhodi Li has decided to become Batman out of nowhere
BlueAmaranth
i appreciate baethan fully owning his abject cowardice here
FancyShark
"Just buy me a razor and draw a warm bath, Bhodi"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I know we're saving the universe here, Baethan, but help me brawl with a knife-wielding Kiefer Sutherland type.
BlueAmaranth
i like how this book opened with "check out these cool action heroes doing cool scifi stuff, such as this cyborg wizard" and then almost immediately is like "psych the rest of the book is about a sad old man going to high school"
gellaho
This is not a character trait Bhodi Li had before
BlueAmaranth
bhodi li called the cops???? true villain of this story
what a narc
FancyShark
Is this a Hardy Boys novel?
gellaho
This is a weird development
BlueAmaranth
rookie narc move to stand there doing the Leverage gloat
gellaho
Bhodi Li's high school personal needs an archvillian in the last book
GDC
I guess he waived his Miranda rights
FancyShark
I'm sure the cops will just ignore that threat
BlueAmaranth
they probably will--chris is gonna be like "can i have some kind of protection" and they'll be like "sorry, can't do anything until he actually caves your skull in"
gellaho
Why is this the focus of the book
BlueAmaranth
is baethan going to become the heartthrob of the entire school
icy spicy jakesy
Trying to sell laser tag to teens by bringing old men into their 8th grade class
gellaho
Uh oh
FancyShark
Friendly Frank has to notify anyone that moves to his neighborhood
gellaho
Uh oh
FancyShark
Kathy has no survival instincts
BlueAmaranth
kathy nooooo, baethan is the worst kind of person to watch a movie with, he's going to spend the whole time complaining about the inferior earth image recording technology and pointing out plot holes
gellaho
This wouldn't OK even if he was a high schooler
GDC
That waitress is definitely calling the police right now.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
"Cool threat, dude I shot a four-armed intergalactic juggernaut in the face while you were frozen in time."
gellaho
Hey, Peter. Why
FancyShark
Jesus. This girl's not new to this
icy spicy jakesy
Lol she’s grooming him
BlueAmaranth
it is extremely funny that she's into him because she perceives his patheticness as a sort of tragically romantic vulnerability, but it would be funnier if she weren't a child
gellaho
You could write about anything, why this
GDC
Also I feel like his responses merit some follow up questions.
gellaho
Oops
FancyShark
:grimacing:
icy spicy jakesy
Hahaha
BlueAmaranth
"i know what you are."
"say it. out loud. say it!"
"cybor--"
"cyborg WIZARD"
gellaho
Dad is convinced not to worry
icy spicy jakesy
But also, nestle crunch is a D tier candy bar at best
FancyShark
Oh good. They're going to see one of the best romance films ever made which features the main dude calling the woman "kid"
icy spicy jakesy
Barely better than a 3 musketeers
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Girls love damaged guys with no money who talk like they're navigating their mental disability
gellaho
An understanding?
BlueAmaranth
anything less than 70% cacao is pleb tier
FancyShark
That's why they flock around meth clinics
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The plot was originally hang-gliding drop-kicks into wizard-robots' faces to prevent infinite volcanos
gellaho
Kathy is going to find this cute somehow
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
now it's teaching a man not to date 13-year-olds.
BlueAmaranth
oh nice, we're finally back at the frankenstein thing
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
hahaha, all your magic is robotic, you suck.
FancyShark
goddammit baethan
BlueAmaranth
also extremely amused that peter david actually wrote out "frankenstein's monster's head"
gellaho
Kathy has that thirteen year old strength
FancyShark
At least Chris is being treated the way he deserves
gellaho
Lord Baethan, openly getting owned by a thirteen year old girl
BlueAmaranth
i bet the cowards who scripted the tv version didn't have kathy howl any obscenities at all
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Karate Kid: realism edition
BlueAmaranth
kathy needs to learn about fight/flight/freeze
you never know what your response to an emergency will be until it happens!
FancyShark
I'm glad Kathy has some kind of standard
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
In the '80s TV didn't even say suck/hell/damn. She would have been screaming RASSUM FRASSUM
gellaho
Lord Baethan is very disappointed that his relationship with the young teen didn't work out
BlueAmaranth
speaking as a freezer, i once had a guy come up to me in a farmer's market and wrap my entire body in a bear hug because he thought i looked cold and i did not react in any way. i empathize with and pity baethan
oooh he's doing the last unicorn thing, nice
i hope this makes him realize that the celtan cyborg technology should be made available to all sentient beings
FancyShark
I hope this turns into Footloose
gellaho
"We can't prove that the kid who swore vengeance was the one who did this"
BlueAmaranth
rather than hoarded while trillions of people and aliens are trapped in their decaying organic bodies
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
This is VERY similar to a Peter David story about an immortal villain who loses eternal youth
he kidnaps Hulk's wife Betty and complains about crow's feet. She gives him concealer.
FancyShark
hahaha
BlueAmaranth
i also like how bhodi li has a normal earth name as his cover identity and he brings baethan home like "hello earth parents, this is beep-boop cyborgman"
gellaho
She did what now?
BlueAmaranth
holy shit, kathy is metal
FancyShark
Fuckin' A
GDC
Kathy should have been the main character the whole time.
BlueAmaranth
we thought she was in danger but now we realize this is the sort of child who kickflips a power button
gellaho
All the males have become blabbering messes
GDC
Bodhi doesn't want to admit that Kathy just destroys him at laser tag every time she plays.
gellaho
Baethan has very quickly adopted the hobo lifestyle
BlueAmaranth
baethan still wallowing in self-pity--disgusting
GDC
"Bodhi, this is MOM. We just saw your sisters sweet kickflip and have decided she is the worthier photon warrior."
BlueAmaranth
no sign that he's developed any empathy for the plight of organics or that he's reassessing any of his ethics
FancyShark
"They took my staaaaaaaff"
BlueAmaranth
this dude should be having a crisis of conscience over what his people have allowed by their elitist inaction
choosing not to intervene is still a choice, baethan!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I am fleshrot and I judge Celtan society to be lacking.
BlueAmaranth
let's all rise up and steal their cyborgification machine
seize the means of cyborg production
gellaho
Baethan sees a man with two canes, one of which is giant
BlueAmaranth
except if you have a name like "fyasco" or "bygjerk" you can't be a cyborg
steal the cane! steal the cane!
gellaho
The man attacks the stalker without the help of Baethan
gellaho
And it's a blind black man. Really stretching the brain there, Peter
FancyShark
"Then you won't need your eyes!"
BlueAmaranth
i like how the guy hears "look out behind you" and instantly understands that he needs to whip around and bludgeon someone
what if it had been like, a little kid that was distracted and about to collide with him
WHAM
gellaho
TELL ME WHY YOU DON'T SUCK LIKE ME
FancyShark
"Couldn't kill yourself? Then you're a failure just like me!"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
This old guy rules.
gellaho
I think he actually encountered a magical black man
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
He's the only character to call an idiot an idiot.
GDC
Baethan just met Black Stick.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Wow, that two-cane-swinging old guy did three magics in two minutes.
gellaho
Goddammit
BlueAmaranth
i knew it. i knew it was going to be a magic guy
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
PIKE
gellaho
This is what I get for forgetting they have a shapeshifter
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
the turd?
FancyShark
Yep
BlueAmaranth
oh my god i didn't get immediately that it was pike
wow
beloved character actor pike shapeshifterguy
"our friend is having an emotional crisis after an immense personal loss. what should we do"
"i was thinking we could try talking t--"
"ELABORATELY STAGED CHANCE ENCOUNTER WITH A WISE DISABLED MAN"
gellaho
Peter really is working out some parental shit
BlueAmaranth
why are high school bullies in fiction always literal murderers
gellaho
No, they didn't
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
TMZ: Pike put on blast after "problematic" casting of race-switched martial arts master
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Nah it's standard '80s villain my dad owns a dealership
FancyShark
dude
BlueAmaranth
come to think of it, shouldn't baethan's beloved friends and compatriots be kind of offended that he was more willing to listen to some random earthman than them
FancyShark
They read his memoir. They know how he sees them
gellaho
The teens cut off the power and phone lines?
BlueAmaranth
in the memoir: "i'm prepared to have an epiphany as long as literally anyone but pike broaches it. god, what a loser"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
HELLO BHODI LI. WANT TO PLAY A GAME
BlueAmaranth
this is premeditated murder
how does anyone other than bullies survive to adulthood in fiction
all high schools are just the purge
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
This is CONSPIRACY TO COMMIT
gellaho
"I think we're being attacked, go outside where they are. You'll be safer there."
BlueAmaranth
"run across the street to the Meyers! they're going down with us"
FancyShark
It really is the Purge
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Pretty crummy that finally he's the one who needs help and MOM isn't answering the ring.
FancyShark
The prosecutor's going to have the easiest case of their life
gellaho
What are you implying here
FancyShark
Yep. Easiest case ever.
BlueAmaranth
really on the nose with the villain motivation here
[breaking several more of chris's ribs] "I'M ACTUALLY JUST JEALOUS"
gellaho
Peter
BlueAmaranth
[kneeing him in the crotch] "I HAVE A TROUBLED HOME LIFE"
gellaho
It's the dweebus to save the day
FancyShark
Yes! The wizard is here to beat the shit out of the teenagers what the fuck is this book
BlueAmaranth
pike and tivia could also have just helped out with this instead of trying out line reads
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
hahaha, you dweebs got beaten to death by a scottish alien who didn't even have his magic sprockets
gellaho
Seems legit
FancyShark
hahaha
icy spicy jakesy
Lol wait what
He was able to flick a live wire perfectly up to the gun?
FancyShark
Time to ride the lightning, abused teenager!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Lawyers are bad parents, message received, Pete.
gellaho
Weird
FancyShark
Then Baethan severed his neck, just to be sure
gellaho
What
FancyShark
Yes he would have
BlueAmaranth
baethan has recognized that he exists in a fictional universe and has already worked out how to exploit narrative tropes to his advantage
FancyShark
Oh wait, I get it. Because Rick in Casablanca felt sorry for himself the whole movie only to kick ass at the end. Fuck you, Peter
BlueAmaranth
"it's more dramatic if i come through the window, which ups my chances of winning"
gellaho
Gross
BlueAmaranth
BAETHAN NO
FancyShark
:grimacing:
BlueAmaranth
beyond redemption
let him perish in his flesh body
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
After 100 your counter resets
BlueAmaranth
yeah but he's been a cyborg for 100 years and before that he had to get to the top of his field as a pre-cyborg
gellaho
According to the lore of this series, people have to play Photon in a center to be recruited. How does he not know how this works
BlueAmaranth
so even then that probably puts him at like, 45
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Technically he's only been a human for like 3 years aggregate, that means Kathy's the reprehensible one.
BlueAmaranth
so is the idea "if you simply badger your parents into paying for you to play laser tag, you too could get recruited for intergalactic space fights"?
gellaho
Why is this happening now Peter
gellaho
Is this a public service announcement they made him put in here
FancyShark
"Yeah, we're training cops to shoot kids. It's fun"
BlueAmaranth
"remember kids, if a police officer executes you on the spot for carrying a toy gun, it's your fault"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
God, imagine only wanting to make a fun game for kids and then having to address the number of children shot by police playing your life's work.
"Pete, love the outline. Listen, we got some notes from corporate."
gellaho
"I've turned your corpse into a puppet!"
FancyShark
"Take out the Hitler stuff?"
"No, not that"
Holy shit, Parcival
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
so on other planets, like...are the Photon recruitment centers in dying malls? What's MOM's plan with the demise of retail?
is there some communist entertainment on Bolovax Vix titled PHOTO LASER PLAY GUN GAME VERY GOOD 20 MIN MAX?
FancyShark
What's the attrition rate on recruits? They have like six people
BlueAmaranth
gotta run for now, but i look forward to reading the rest of these images later
FancyShark
Later @BlueAmaranth ! Good riffing with you!
BlueAmaranth
likewise!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Thanks for enriching our fun, @BlueAmaranth
gellaho
Baethan decided to throw away all this personal growth
icy spicy jakesy
Lol
FancyShark
Pike only taught him to solve problems with a stick. This is really Pike's fault
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi Li was just Jane Goodalling this whole time
gellaho
Robo-racism is a real problem
gellaho
Have a good night
GDC
You're good at this!
FancyShark
"Also, I discovered how to electrocute assholes without my powers"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
These cyborgs are really snotty considering they're made of aftermarket parts.
gellaho
LASER TAG TO THE DEATH
FancyShark
hahaha
GDC
Wait why is the one on earth a non lethal children's game, then?
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Tivia is done with all this shit forever.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
So the Celtans can feel superior.
FancyShark
You picked him, Tivia
gellaho
Unnecessarily complex for a death game, I'd say
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Parcival only exists to know more about the galaxy than Bhodi.
gellaho
Excuse me
FancyShark
what
gellaho
These are for children, Peter
FancyShark
Remember how we explained the rules and layout at the Earth Photon arcade, kids? Well here's the payoff!
gellaho
He brought his finger blasts up
FancyShark
So Tyrade's just off doing his own thing?
gellaho
Having fun, kids?
gellaho
Haven't heard from him
FancyShark
"Yaaayyy!"
gellaho
Deadly finger blasters
GDC
Peter missed out on calling them Ferrophages. A cooler name and also more accurate.
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
The fish eat robots.
Here we see our protagonist murdering his friends for the sin of intractability
gellaho
Retract the finger blasters
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
CHEATERS
FancyShark
"You also killed our head of medical science, so the cyborg program is indefinitely suspended"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Tyrade shows up and Oprah-bombs them all into hu-mans
FancyShark
:fingers_crossed:
gellaho
Turns out Celtar is an ancient wizard
FancyShark
"You might even call him the Grand Wi-"
"No"
gellaho
MEANWHILE
FancyShark
Their celebration champagne went flat decades ago
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
That's Warrlord to you
So did Tyrade like...die on the volcano planet?
scuse me, dye
FancyShark
Tyrade was on set one day. They couldn't afford more than that
gellaho
gold's expensive, man
gellaho
Baethan is going to try to get in there while he's human
FancyShark
Uhh
Baethan?
icy spicy jakesy
Hahahaha
FancyShark
She's not 13, but c'mon, man
icy spicy jakesy
WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STEP-BAETHAN
FancyShark
"Having fun, children?"
icy spicy jakesy
Yeah he’s just trying to get his dinky stinky while he still can
Miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, yada yada
FancyShark
"That is so not the message we should be conveying through a middle-aged man flirting with underage girls, Pete!"
gellaho
There's a Photon crystal on the planet. It does not behave correctly
FancyShark
"WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi saved your life and you're going to slither in on his star-queen
FancyShark
Somehow this is still Pike's fault
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
No record of seismic disturbance if you don't count the one that just happened.
gellaho
Luckily they are weak to the laser bazooka
FancyShark
Carry the crystal! Don't shoot it and lock it away from the Darkness!
gellaho
The first time they shot it in summoned rock creatures
FancyShark
Oh
gellaho
Arrians are going to take a spin
gellaho
Hey look, the exact same thing
FancyShark
The Arrians winning streak continues
gellaho
Bhodi thinks he's got it
FancyShark
Oh, it's Ego
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Mogo doesn't socialize with Photons
gellaho
Goddammit
Fuck you
FancyShark
hahahahaha
gellaho
Fuck you, Peter
FancyShark
yeah, fuck you, Peter
gellaho
Unacceptable
FancyShark
"They can't tie this back to me if I say it wasn't written by a comic book writer!"
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
So is it Mogo or Ego?
gellaho
Better late than never
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
There's a Leon?
gellaho
He's a lizard man
he has a bazooka
that's the extent of his character
Seriously, that's it
FancyShark
The bazooka shoots down starships. That's why he never accompanies them
Okay, one occasion
Since Peter wants to be nitpicky
gellaho
Arrians are about to get fucked up
gellaho
FancyShark
"My incompetent minions! NOOOO!"
gellaho
They're fighting for the whims of cosmic super beings, but they aren't interested in this situation
FancyShark
Baethan, you were on the other side of this argument yesterday
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Tyrade is God
and the wizard does nothing to stop him
FancyShark
He's too shiny
gellaho
I know the feeling
gellaho
He's got this godlike power, but has been repeatedly defeated
Makes sense
FancyShark
huh
So it's also an un-guyenizer
gellaho
Only finger blasting can defeat him
FancyShark
womp womp, wait, puppet
gellaho
Baethan can do real magic now
FancyShark
Laser tag!
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
How far DID he come? He hasn't even had magic for two days.
gellaho
Bhodi Li convinces Tyrade to fire at the crystal to summon Celtar
Apparently that's it
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Defeated by a cranky old man who says get off my lawn
and then BECOME my lawn
FancyShark
Once again, Baethan is denied victory so Bhodi can be the hero
gellaho
Peter has given up
icy spicy jakesy
Hahaha
Ok fine I’ll do it if you leave
Ok bye
FancyShark
Petulant god-planets. Laser tag!
gellaho
In two pages: unstoppable villian defeated, Baethan is a cyborg wizard again
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi and Tivia are an item somehow
gellaho
FancyShark
She confessed to him at the end of book 4, went through exile and restructured her planet's society for him in book 5, and she still clearly sees she could do better
gellaho
And just like that, nothing was learned
gellaho
What? No
FancyShark
"It's good my 13 year old sister will remain thirsty for your dick, cyborg wizard"
gellaho
Nooooo
Peter David, you asshole
icy spicy jakesy
“She can use it when she testifies against me”
FancyShark
NOOOOOOO
gellaho
You can't end it all like that
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Twist: 100 celtan years is 12 earth years
icy spicy jakesy
What I’m hearing is Kathy is actually a dragon
gellaho
How dare you sign this
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Curse you, Beleo Dand!
FancyShark
"Free. I'm finally free."
"Mr. David, we need you to answer some questions at the station."
gellaho
We beat Photon, I guess
FancyShark
Pyrrhic victory is still victory
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
And just like that, we're done.
gellaho
That's it for another Book Cage
FancyShark
Thanks, @gellaho !
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
my God, what stew brews in the subconscious of that cage
icy spicy jakesy
Ugh that title is so much creepier what with all the child wooing
Skin Deep huh Pete
gellaho
FancyShark
"You don't understand! They okay'd Hitler! I had no choice!"
GDC
I wonder what his body was traced from.
icy spicy jakesy
Tivia: still not black!
gellaho
It's amazing they never figured that out
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Bhodi Li now blonde
race is a construct, space is a race. You do the math.
gellaho
I believe the Photon energy turns him buff and blond
icy spicy jakesy
Construct is a space?
gellaho
That is canon in the book
icy spicy jakesy
I wasn’t good at transitive property
gellaho
No more Peter David until November 1st
FancyShark
That makes the whole not-knowing-about-Hitler and the Arrian stuff even worse
gellaho
That's Psi-Man day #2
FancyShark
Well, that was fun as hell to read through with everyone
icy spicy jakesy
Rommel the Dog is back I see
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Oh DAMN
timely reading
yeah that was a really good one
GDC
Thank you for doing this, @gellaho, I hope this series rots in Book Jail.
gellaho
Peter David worries me
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Thanks for your herculean devotion, Gellaho.
icy spicy jakesy
When we’re introduced to his cat, Purrrmann Goring, then I’ll be officially worried
FancyShark
Or his turkey, Joseph Gobbles
icy spicy jakesy
Hahaha god dammit
gellaho
I also found out recently that Peter David wanted his name on Photon and Psi-Man
FancyShark
So the publishers changed it? Weird
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I'm gonna scrape up some food. thanks for the laughs, friendos.
