Psychodrome 2: The Shapechanger Scenario Simon Hawke
It's not who wins or loses - it's who wins or dies...
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gellaho
Arkady O'Toole is back! Now that the telepathic ambimorphs have escaped the Fire Islands, how will our psychos O'Toole and Rudy Breck (the Special Service Hybreed) deal with the situation? By playing in Psychodrome, of course! Simon Hawke will deliver his latest masterpiece this Friday, 5pm eastern, in Psychodrome 2: The Shapechanger Scenario
Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo
there have been many fine covers
this may be the finest
gellaho
@Brockway Prove to me that you aren't a shapeshifting snake by pinning this please
gellaho
It's a wild one
The back is pretty good too
Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo
AMBIMORPHS
Brockway
pinned
a message
to this channel. See all
pinned messages
.
FancyShark
It was literally one guy. And this is all happening because he sucked at diplomacy.
Brockway
I have done thissss
Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo
Brockway do you ever get inspired by these books to stop trying so hard to write good and just do a tone of coke and write about laser tag love triangles
gellaho
It would probably be a sound business strategy thirty years ago
Brockway
Yeah this is key - this was a sound business model until like 2002
gellaho
There's a reason Simon Hawke's output severe diminished in that time
Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo
I am not even looking at it necessarily as a business thing at this point... more like... a muse
FancyShark
I still think Peter David was trying to get fired from writing Photon but just had the misfortune of writing in a time where there was no way to make something too batshit
Greg
We both know enough about Ambimorphs to say this proves nothing
gellaho
You can catch up on Psychodrome here: https://www.gellaho.com/books/87-psychodrome
gellaho
One hour until Psychodrome 2: The Shapechanger Scenario. Your preview involves SNAKESSSSS
FancyShark
How do fangs become hydraulic?
gellaho
no idea
Thank you, Neal McPheeters
gellaho
Time to begin
gellaho
Watch out for those paranoids
Greg
Kill! That! Snake!
FancyShark
I wonder if Hawke has been getting therapy
gellaho
I love Hawke's summaries
Yeah, I wrote that and it all fits together perfectly
gellaho
Considering what happens in his later work, I doubt it
FancyShark
I bet Stone loves that the first thing the MC remembers about her is her porn career
Greg
Nice to get all the summaries out of the way early at least!
Now we can get right into the plot
gellaho
He'll write a paragraph like this that just goes in 8 different directions
FancyShark
ADHD didn't really start getting diagnosed until the 90s
gellaho
This is a lot
gellaho
FancyShark
"You don't underthtand me, Dad. I'm a thnake and a badath"
gellaho
You really feel the tension when he describes one as a pussycat
FancyShark
Pussycat's all have lion's manes, right?
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
You know, like those housecats with manes. We've all seen them. I'm not crazy, you are.
Damn, sniped by the shark.
FancyShark
Yours was more descriptive
gellaho
O'Toole ducks into a club
FancyShark
They stopped sleeping on their stomachs because it sounded like someone left something heavy on a piano key
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
This is primo Hawke here. Compelling world-building that will be ignored for awkward fucking and lip-moistening.
Greg
And sooooooo much Nysteel
gellaho
O'Toole: tactical genius
FancyShark
It's tougher to riff than most Hawke, though. He seems to put more care into this
"That'th right, O'Toole. We thuckered you."
Greg
The first rule of urban combat is be cornered and outnumbered and ambushed
gellaho
I wonder why people don't have snake teeth
FancyShark
"Attack and attack hard" as he starts furiously masturbating
Greg
Keep in mind they Matrix learned everything about war and stuff into his head, I think?
gellaho
I love how much of a fuck up this dude is
Greg
We are 5 pages in and he's spent two of them getting bashed against a wall
FancyShark
This is what makes it tougher to riff. This guy is a doofus just enough to be likable
gellaho
Mmmm, salsa
Greg
This book reminds me more of The Mandalorian. Awesome but also really dumb and ridiculous
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Yes, but I do like your impression of snakeguy ending up with a lisp instead of the intended trailing -ss on every word.
gellaho
SNAKE ATTACK
FancyShark
This guy must lose his shit whenever he watches The Jungle Book
gellaho
I love that this super secret government guy expects this lottery winner to be a navy seal
FancyShark
"We're training for snakes?!"
"Look at the cover!"
gellaho
"Goddammit son, you won the lottery to be on a gameshow! WHY AREN'T YOU BETTER AT THIS??"
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Did he freeze or was he completely wrapped up by a snake? That seems like an important distinction. He did beat three other guys first.
FancyShark
He does say he froze with horror, but you make a good point
gellaho
High hybrid cat-man commando, at your service
FancyShark
"Dude, I smoked a bang, got kitty eyes, tripped on a blinky light"
gellaho
Gold, pure gold
Greg
Grade A Hawke right here
@icy spicy jakesy is missing out on his nature quest
FancyShark
No notes, Mr. Hawke. Only mace
gellaho
It's a bold move to fantasize about a woman when you know your thoughts are being broadcast to everyone
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
I feel very uncomfortable right now.
gellaho
Classic flirtation
FancyShark
"Says here she prescribes castration"
Greg
Breck this happens with every woman O'Toole meets. This is a Hawke book
FancyShark
She'll be a corpse by the epilogue
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
"completely humorless" broad doesn't even like it when she gets sexually harassed
FancyShark
pssh. Women, amirite?
Gettin' to where you can't sexually harass anybody
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
They had this exact same character in Steele and they ended up blackmailing her with a secret sex tape
FancyShark
jesus
gellaho
She was a forty year old version, who eventually sold everyone out to an evil senator
FancyShark
Oh, well if she's forty then go ahead
gellaho
If I remember correctly, she ended up surviving which is a minor miracle
Skipping over several pages of summary
FancyShark
Or make them hot
gellaho
Sounds like they need to work on making leggy robots
gellaho
FancyShark
If people are demolishing your wait staff, you may want to work on your service standards
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Umm...Does Hawke have a new gig as a daily comic artist?
And a new pen name?
FancyShark
Keep an eye open for glorifications of Bach
gellaho
I don't think that's going to happen
FancyShark
Harley Davidson? Hawke knows Jackson!
gellaho
This section is marvelous
gellaho
Liiiiiiiiiiiipppppppssss
FancyShark
Champagne is best when brought from a bedroom and presumably warm
Greg
Appropriate lip action in another room
I've bookmarked all the lip action in this book to keep @gellaho honest
He's hit them all so far
FancyShark
I assume she's now going to turn into a snake
gellaho
"Waaaaaaiiittt, she said she was fatter than this"
It must be an imposter!
FancyShark
No love handles?! Succubus!
gellaho
How'd you guess
Greg
Fuckin' Ambiimmoorrphhhhh!!!!
FancyShark
"Do you thtill find me thekthy?"
Greg
Hold on I need to do a text search for "hydraulic fang" in this book
FancyShark
Seriously, talking with giant artificial fangs has got to be like talking right after getting braces
gellaho
I wish you hadn't killed it
FancyShark
"Yeah, I have been doing a great job."
gellaho
Nysteel, baby!
FancyShark
The finger-claws are still awesome
gellaho
Oh, you thought you were brave and insightful? Psych!
gellaho
FancyShark
Is that a joke or does 'contact' have a different meaning in the future?
Some Kind of Wizard
No, no sssnakes here.
I don't know what it is, but seeing that in light mode makes the statement look so much more cursed.
gellaho
The real her sent him a feeling of paranoia through his psychocybernetic biochip
You know, that classic move
FancyShark
"Make him feel uneasy. It's just like a phone call."
gellaho
I'm weak willed and simple minded, a perfect test subject
FancyShark
Hawke is trying so hard not to have Breck be the MC
gellaho
A dark black void, womb, same diff
gellaho
FancyShark
Hawke and his mother do not get along
gellaho
Seems like this would make things nearly impossible
FancyShark
"So even one piece gets lost and the whole thing dies, or we have to kill every piece?"
gellaho
"Shapeshifters? Bo-ring!"
gellaho
FancyShark
Wait, can we go back to "wrestle with the devil"?
gellaho
don't worry about it
people are doing that all the time
challenging the devil to fiddle duels, etc
I'm not sure he ever actually comes to a great conclusion on how they die
FancyShark
Hives of creatures that can reproduce via fission. And we were eating them?
gellaho
"Hey, I just discovered this planet, what should I call it?"
FancyShark
Maybe it's a Greenland/Iceland naming thing and it's actually really nice
gellaho
"I was thinking Satan's Asshole, but that might be too crude?"
FancyShark
"I like it, but let's save it for the planet of exploding metal hooks"
gellaho
Great place
FancyShark
The cacti bleed? Metal but also what the hell?
gellaho
What do you expect to happen after you shoot them?
GDC
Wait, so the hivemind shapeshifters have hydraulics in their faces? Did I miss something?
gellaho
The shapeshifter was pretending to be a cyberpunk. Cyberpunks are apparently cyborg furries
I forgot he actually tied this planet back to the previous book
Greg
Did they ever mention how space travel works? What this book's warp speed or whatever is?
gellaho
Yeah, in the last book
GDC
I guess this is a different combine. https://www.sarna.net/wiki/Draconis_Combine
gellaho
And yes, I did find that by looking at my archive and searching for "boring"
Seems like an ambimorph is about
gellaho
The future is bleak
FancyShark
How much use are you going to get out of people sitting and watching TV?
icy spicy jakesy
Unfortunately Shaq is in another castle. I did run into a wise goat who told me that everything is cool though
GDC
Wouldn't 'use or be used' be more fitting in the context of those other statements?
gellaho
"This planet is a real shit hole, and humans are destroying the shit hole with our pollution"
GDC
So far I'm on Team Ambimorph.
gellaho
New Jersey burn!
GDC
That joke landed better on Futurama.
gellaho
Higgins Alert! @icy spicy jakesy we have a hippie Higgins
FancyShark
He began explaining "near" and "far"
gellaho
as opposed to a CIA beaurocrat
Meet Higgins's waifu
FancyShark
Wait, horse mane hair but mountain lion grace? Hawke's making a chimera
GDC
Or possibly a hippogriff.
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on the nature of man and humanoid aliens
FancyShark
"In other words: nevermind. Thanks for your time."
GDC
If Higgins was living in the present day he'd be really into having an Asian wife.
gellaho
O'Toole's already been there
FancyShark
He'd make sure everyone knew it too
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on the nature of God
FancyShark
You're not insecure?! You spent half of the first book saying you had Russian priests telling you the world was horror!
Greg
So much of this book is O'Toole musing to himself, or O'Toole and Breck musing together
gellaho
These are honestly about a good explanation for the proliferation of humanoid aliens as Star Trek ever gave
FancyShark
True
gellaho
Hot aliens, baby
GDC
Higgins has Tawny Fever.
FancyShark
I don't think I blame him.
gellaho
FancyShark
ThunderCats!
GDC
I wonder how much Hawke making O'Toole a unusual combination of ethnicities is taken from Manuel Garcia O'Kelly Davis from The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.
gellaho
"Imagine Japanese but with a lot of hch sounds"
gellaho
I love Breck
GDC
Hawke doing his damnedest to not use the phrase 'space elf'.
Adrienne, the Joe Magadatz story
In this universe, the only action available to women is eye-widening
FancyShark
Don't forget being ogled!
gellaho
Higgins is very much like the person you've described
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
It's a Hawke trademark that deep into book 2 of a series he goes on a long sidebar telling the reader something they already know (i.e. Breck rules)
Adrienne, the Joe Magadatz story
That’s not an action
FancyShark
True, but it happens enough that it seems like it could be a hobby
Greg
Women also have throwing themselves at O'Toole
gellaho
They have a lot more going on
gellaho
I'm not sure I'm going to get to it, but it gets fucking wild
This wife thing really isn't working out for Higgins
Greg
Seriously this isn't a bit I almost died
Adrienne, the Joe Magadatz story
I love that this writer is like “the same prejudices exist in the opposite direction on my fictional planet” and feels like that justifies it
FancyShark
Is anyone else thinking Higgins made all this up to explain why he can't satisfy his wife?
Greg
This totally makes up for O'Toole's child bride in book 1!
GDC
One of my favorite things to do is identify a sci fi author's weird sexual hangups by the reproductive habits of the aliens they invent.
gellaho
You know how you marry orphans?
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
This would only be written before the internet. Today we know this scene gave away way more than Hawke intended.
gellaho
Well, we'll see
FancyShark
CPS has Hawke on a list
icy spicy jakesy
Hell yeah
gellaho
"I , Higgins, see nothing weird about this"
FancyShark
I know guests appreciate it when the first thing I talk about after welcoming them in is a heavily detailed explanation of my sex practices and history
icy spicy jakesy
I’m still in a spotty service area or I’d be following along more
gellaho
Oh, it's endless
Well, not the sex part. He only did that once
FancyShark
"Um, Higgins? Can we maybe get a glass of water or sit down?"
GDC
Simon Hawke makes me understand why @Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo hates worldbuilding so much.
Greg
Malone's ride has wifi I think
gellaho
This is important, but don't make any assumptions about where this is going
Adrienne, the Joe Magadatz story
It’s not necessarily weird…it actually makes more sense in terms of family continuation if the line is traced by mothers. Parentage disputes are a lot more clear if you can say “no, I remember this kid bursting free”
gellaho
I was talking more about the "acting as wife and mother" part
Greg
Hahaha please don't summon a Javo world building argument into our nice Hawke night
gellaho
"Copyright Simon Hawke 1998. This in no way resembles any human religion"
Adrienne, the Joe Magadatz story
Oh yeah, I think everyone (except for the most sober and exceptional among us) eventually confronts that. Acting as a “parental” when your partner is wildin out
GDC
It is, however, another Moon is a Harsh Mistress similarity.
FancyShark
Hot damn, he managed to steer it back to the main plot
Sort of
Greg
Hawke is kind of a lunatic but is not a terrible author
He somehow keeps the pacing halfway on track even with the random essays on human nature, God, alien sexuality, etc.
GDC
Wait is this the shapeshifter planet? Are there two races on this planet, one of which we decided were okay to eat?
FancyShark
It's legit impressive
Greg
(Not counting the 40 pages of recap that Gellaho skipped)
Greg
The nomads are native
FancyShark
But he still found his way back!
Greg
And I think the only native sentient race
gellaho
I can't see why an angry man would try to sabotage a plant
gellaho
That was Draconis from the other book. But the shapeshifters escaped from that planet, and they are on Purgatory to investigate if shapeshifters have made it there
GDC
And they've already infiltrated the local religion. That's impressive.
FancyShark
Teach them their gods are delicious and the problem solves itself
gellaho
This guy really has his head on straight
GDC
Worked for Christianity.
FancyShark
The sad thing is this is one of Cavanaugh's good moods
gellaho
They get Cavanaugh all riled up and then just leave
GDC
I do appreciate the pro-labor sentiment, though.
FancyShark
There's a running bet on how high they can get his blood pressure
GDC
If Cavanaugh gets off on proving things, he should have majored in math.
gellaho
They go to a bar and things go about as well as can be expected
FancyShark
Better back off, guys. Otherwise Higgins will start telling you about his wife's sex life
gellaho
In case you hadn't figured it out, this is Simon Hawke's western
gellaho
I'll tell you one thing though, this is a great joke
gellaho
Liiiips... and ambimorph attack
FancyShark
I appreciate that every woman that's thrown herself at O'Toole so far is doing so to murder him
gellaho
It doesn't last long
gellaho
Make sure to turn into tiny insects before attacking
FancyShark
Which would actually be a much better strategy up close than 'cat'
gellaho
Simon Hawke continues to have a bizarre understanding of what a sled is
FancyShark
Maybe he means 'skiff'?
GDC
Demonstrated by the ineffectiveness of our protagonist's attack.
gellaho
Higgins decides extreme sports are a great idea at this point
FancyShark
"I have sex with lions! I fear nothing!"
gellaho
Then they crash
But it couldn't possibly have anything to do with that stunt, no sir
FancyShark
"Worth it!"
Cut to a cactus looking down the smoking barrel of a rifle. "Damn. So close"
gellaho
Time to walk in the desert
FancyShark
I wonder if Higgins told his wife what happened to the humans her race is a clear allegory of?
gellaho
Simon Hawke really wants you to know how pathetic his protagonist is
icy spicy jakesy
Hell yeah lip action
FancyShark
It's amazing this is the same guy that wrote Steele
gellaho
"They're not a disease, they're a disease"
FancyShark
"But we ate them..."
gellaho
In Jagged Steele (his masterpiece) there is a character very similar to O'Toole named Tracy
GDC
Kind of weird the guy on the not Ambimorph planet would be so knowledgeable and enthusiastic about Ambimorphs.
Greg
I think he is a scientist that studies aliens
GDC
I thought he was a manager?
icy spicy jakesy
Maybe O’Toole eats some stripper pussy soon too
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on urban life
gellaho
Luckily there's a lot less of the Irish/Russian thing
FancyShark
And gets weirdly horny about it
gellaho
that's his move
Greg
He kept up with that bit so hard for like half of the first book and then just totally dropped it
gellaho
kinda
FancyShark
Maybe he talked to an Irish person
gellaho
As a reminder, this is all being broadcast to billions of people
FancyShark
Which means billions of people now know Higgins' wife's sex life
gellaho
An ambimorph comes to investigate and O'Toole bumbles some more
FancyShark
"Try selling your sandwiches now, asshole"
gellaho
Tyla wanders off. Higgins seems to believe he knows everything about the woman he doesn't live with
and who has 15 other husbands
FancyShark
"You only knew her the one time, you said"
gellaho
Mandago appears in O'Toole's dream to tell us that the ambimorph from the first book can send out psychic signals now
gellaho
And the other teams suck
Considering this team is basically just Breck, that's pretty bad
FancyShark
Yeah, they're doomed
Greg
The only thing those other teams did better than us is suck and die
Greg
Breck is a monster though
Greg
So much of this book is people getting cranky with O'Toole for exploding Ambimorphs
gellaho
Don't tell me I never taught you anything
Greg
Hahahaha
"Paid in the coin of loneliness"
gellaho
That's panis
Greg
I love you Hawke
gellaho
O'Toole is blacking out
FancyShark
He's not wrong. That is the right translation
gellaho
I know, but it looks like penis
FancyShark
This is true
gellaho
Better use that mouth instead of the claws to hunt
The humanoid form is known for it's bite strength rather than dexterous hands
wait
FancyShark
That or the animal got a lucky punch
gellaho
You have been in a school of sharks, bud
FancyShark
There were ninjas. It was rad
gellaho
That is the only way you've felt
I think even when you slept with Stone you felt insecure
icy spicy jakesy
The Irish part of him is intimidated by busty redheads
FancyShark
The relatable everyman feeling is starting to get replaced with the sense O'Toole is a puss
Greg
Fuck! We need to get another $1000 together to get a painting of the zero-G ninja shark battle commissioned
gellaho
Simon Hawke is somehow more self aware than he will be in two years
gellaho
Explorations on masculinity
gellaho
The nomads have arrived
FancyShark
Subtle. They emasculate O'Toole just by the weapons they carry
gellaho
Indeed
Simon Hawke is incredibly comfortable describing a muscular masculine form
As evidenced previously by Ice
FancyShark
I mean, props to Hawke
gellaho
He's literally describing these men as descending from heaven
It's why I can't get too mad about his description of women
it's just him, man
Even so, this is fucking weird
FancyShark
GARR?! Oh shit, this is a Photon book!
Also, yeah. That's weird
gellaho
Lol
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
Legally distinct snicked
FancyShark
Get it, O'Toole? You suck
gellaho
One more chapter
And this one
This is where it really gets going
But first: what of civilization?
Greg
Oh shit I hope this is the chapter
gellaho
when you see where this goes, think back to this and ask: why?
FancyShark
uh...
Okay, this feels sarcastic so I'm with you so far, Hawke
gellaho
that paragraph is sacrastic, yes
That does not mean it doesn't get weird
Hope you like irrelevant nonsense
gellaho
gellaho
Hope you like irrelevant nonsense
Greg
I love it
gellaho
It really makes you feel the moment, until he mentions farting
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
What church does he go to that there's "always" someone who rips an earth-shattering fart?
FancyShark
That sounds like a widespread medical issue
There may be cryptosporidium in the water
gellaho
O'Toole has a panic attack, until he gets a sexy dance performance
gellaho
SEXY DANCING FOR ALL
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Ha, bone flutes
FancyShark
If this girl doesn't shapeshift and try to kill him, I'll have lost the thread
gellaho
I said it would accelerate
gellaho
How dare you try to foresee Simon Hawke
FancyShark
Not quite killing, but I'm okay with this
Greg
This could be a curveball and just a normal sexy lady throwing herself at the MC
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
I'm becoming more convinced Hawke wrote this for himself because it was before fanfiction websites existed.
FancyShark
It does have a fanfic air with how much effort is being made to describe sex rituals that don't advance the plot
gellaho
Nah, that's TimeWars
gellaho
Joke's on you
FancyShark
HAHAHAHA
He did it again!
Greg
YES!!!!
gellaho
Just absolutely destroyed by boning
FancyShark
"Gross, Breck. Gross"
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Eww
gellaho
Haha, you were fucked without your consent
FancyShark
hahaha, he...oh god, he was
gellaho
You might not believe this, but there is a plot reason for all of this. Still pretty gross though
FancyShark
Tali also needs to leave on the Normandy
Greg
I love when Hawke takes insane loop-de-loops to get to where he wants in his narrative
And it always involves O'Toole waking up married
FancyShark
Now O'Toole has to work for another mobster to pay for this wife's family to survive
icy spicy jakesy
I can’t wait to read this and catch up for round 2
gellaho
Turns out the nomads are telepathic
FancyShark
So it's still really stupid to think you have any privacy
gellaho
O'Toole getting that sweet husband #15 spot
FancyShark
Emasculated in a new culture!
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Why go the extra step of making the telepath learn English telepathically? Just do the Star Trek thing and say it transcends language. So weird.
FancyShark
I don't get how O'Toole can be so insecure yet be unshaken by how often he gets dunked on
It's kind of impressive
gellaho
So we end Part 1 of our reading with the knowledge that these psychic cat people can detect shapeshifters and completely stop Psychodrome's communications
I wasn't able to get to it this reading, but there is a reason they had to have sex
That's a teaser for next time
FancyShark
lol
right on
Thanks again @gellaho !
gellaho
Another Book Cage adventure complete
Greg
Great night @gellaho
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Thanks @gellaho
gellaho
This week, we once again put on our psy-fi headsets and enter Simon Hawke's PSYCHODROME 2: The Shapechanger Scenario, Part 2. How will Arkady O'Toole deal with his consensual marriage to an alien princess? Will he meet her 15 other husbands? How does any of this help with the galaxy's ambimorph problem? Find out, this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
@Brockway I need a fix for my pinning addiction, please
icy spicy jakesy
This is also the second time he’s accidentally gotten married in the last two books
He has a problem
gellaho
This one was a little more forced upon him
FancyShark
I'm convinced every illustrator in that time was just moonlighting from their regular job as a courtroom sketch artist
Brockway
How is that the BACK cover?
gellaho
It's too beautiful
FancyShark
If that's Breck on the front cover, that explains why it's the front cover
Hawke is trying so hard not to ditch O'Toole and have Breck be the star
Greg
That arm does look like Nysteel
gellaho
One hour until Psychodrome 2, Part 2
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
I will be checking into my hotel but I may make time for hawke
icy spicy jakesy
We all have time for Hawke in our hearts
FancyShark
Notice O'Toole said Higgins took his job seriously but didn't mention the whole "married one of the natives" thing
gellaho
I imagine he doesn't want to remind himself of his own forced marriage
FancyShark
He can't buy her whole family an apartment this time
gellaho
These alien gals done got two brains
FancyShark
Just like a cat
wait
I don't think Hawke knows how brains work
gellaho
He can really say anything about them alien minds
icy spicy jakesy
Hawke doesn’t know how organic brains work
Cybernetic brains however
gellaho
Meanwhile, the hunks get nothing
gellaho
Gotta be fun for your wife to be able to read your mind
icy spicy jakesy
Lol oh man arkady is going to make her fall in love for reals
FancyShark
"Husband mate" has a certain ring to it
gellaho
"Hey, don't read my mind please"
FancyShark
He had no problem with several billion people being able to hear his thoughts via Internet, but one alien chick
gellaho
Yes, Higgins that is what happened
FancyShark
"You might feel that way. It's perfectly normal and not prosecutable."
gellaho
These alien men can't get erections unless the females let them. Through exotic dancing
FancyShark
I've used that excuse. It doesn't go over well.
icy spicy jakesy
I mean isn’t that how uhhhh regular arousal works
I guess not the telepathic part
gellaho
O'Toole with his famous self confidence
icy spicy jakesy
“It’s very complicated, if she smells good and looks hot, the male gets aroused”
FancyShark
"Fascinating. How alien."
gellaho
Higgins here telling O'Toole that he can't say no because that would be culturally rude
FancyShark
This is why Higgins isn't a grief counselor
GDC
consent is apparently a very anthropocentric concept.
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
"God are you still upset about that whole rape thing? It was almost 12 hours ago, get over yourself."
FancyShark
"My wife fucked me the same way. Don't hear me crying about it."
GDC
"Thanks to the drugs."
icy spicy jakesy
Besides, O’Toole was asking for it, wearing that tight Psychodrome suit
gellaho
"Anyway, she had to rape you in order to stop a mental attack from the shapeshifter from across the galaxy"
icy spicy jakesy
You don’t wear those kind of clothes out unless you want something
gellaho
It is pretty hot
Especially with the giant McPheeters signature
FancyShark
"Oh, and the shapeshifters can now kill with their minds. The whole 'physically attacking you' thing was just a handicap they gave themselves."
gellaho
And the billions of people watching him on Psychodrome
gellaho
It's because Chameleon took control of the biochip it stole from Stone
icy spicy jakesy
I’m glad you pointed this out so I know who to contact for my cover art needs
FancyShark
ohhh
Still a terrible design for a technology sold en masse
gellaho
Neal McPheeters, no idea if he's still alive
Tyla had decided to see if Breck would die, as a fun experiment
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
He is not. I found his obituary.
Apparently he was a very well-respected artist.
FancyShark
Again, Hawke makes it clear he and we want Breck as the star
gellaho
Oh, thousands died anyway. Oops
FancyShark
Probably should have led with that
GDC
This psychodrome thing has more bugs and security flaws than a right wing social media platform
FancyShark
heyooo
GDC
But I guess future technology that doesn't work is kind of a Simon Hawke staple.
FancyShark
I'd love to see the patch notes on it
gellaho
Breck was strong enough to fight. The only thing that could save O'Toole was intense horniness
FancyShark
This reads like the greatest "she meant nothing to me" of all time
Greg
This explanation of what happened last night is like 20% of the book
gellaho
Once you do the sexy dance you have to fuck
What other choice do you have?
icy spicy jakesy
Hahaha
Once she’s wet there’s just nothing you can do
She’s going until she’s done
FancyShark
At a certain point, you're just flying on automatic
gellaho
"To be fair to us, we thought psychic powers were fake."
FancyShark
"Acceptable losses"
gellaho
Lol, O'Toole's willpower is so low he killed way more people
FancyShark
"We're finding whole new ways to tell you you suck, O'Toole"
gellaho
Apparently the entire human race is addicted to Psychodrome
FancyShark
"Still never bothered to patch that genocide-enabling bug"
GDC
But they could still use those satellites for communication without having to play the game, right? That's how satellites work now.
FancyShark
Communication is trojaned to a game
gellaho
Society would completely collapse without Psychodrome, according to Psychodrome
GDC
This would be like if NASA used voice chat in Call Of Duty to communicate with astronauts.
gellaho
Not the book, but the organization in the book
This is a very confusing relationship
which would happen if you were forcibly married to someone to save your life
FancyShark
Is O'Toole mansplaining Tali's culture back to her?
gellaho
I think he's assuming she doesn't know how she'd be treated on Earth, even though she has read his brain
FancyShark
And still can
gellaho
She's refusing to stop the humans through mind control against their will. Even though she has done that
FancyShark
Marriage is complicated
gellaho
He's all in
icy spicy jakesy
The false one haha
gellaho
"I'll fuck you like the weakling you are"
GDC
"It's what they call the ambimorphs. That would have been obvious from the context, if you had been paying attention."
FancyShark
I'm certain Kami doesn't remember it that way
icy spicy jakesy
PREPARE FOR A checks notes OVER THE PANTS HAND-JOB
gellaho
I don't know about that, she was all up in your brain 10 minutes ago
FancyShark
I laughed a little too hard at this
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
She was very polite about invading my mind. Meaning she covered her tracks well.
GDC
"okay, just remember that 'what, already?' is an expression of extreme satisfaction on earth"
FancyShark
They have a high regard for mental privacy, unless they've got the thirst
gellaho
O'Toole's self image is so bad, he thinks he's the problem
"I should really be more understanding after this unwanted sex and marriage to a psychic alien"
icy spicy jakesy
I also can’t stop thinking of Higgins as a military guy in a dress uniform trying to be a hardass
gellaho
as opposed to a space hippie
FancyShark
James T. Kirk vomits in shame at being the same race as O'Toole
icy spicy jakesy
There’s only one solution: Arkady must boldly go down on her, where no man has gone before
gellaho
Hawke revealing a lot about himself here, I think
gellaho
I'm guessing she's unfamiliar with the concept
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Hawke's characters may follow a certain '80s machismo but they are generally stand up guys where sex is on the line
FancyShark
Remember when this was about shapeshifters trying to murder space gladiators?
FancyShark
O'Toole certainly fits the second part of that description
gellaho
I think my favorite part is that the ambimorphs pretended to be the Nomads' gods and they saw through them immediately
But then ignored them and let them twist in the wind
FancyShark
Again, just like cats
GDC
I might have said this last week, but this is one of those books where you can figure out the author's sexual hangups by the habits of the aliens they invent.
gellaho
I forgot Hawke pulled a Hardy Boys
FancyShark
It's a good, punchy way to end the chapter
gellaho
Total Hardy Boys
FancyShark
Dammit, Hawke. Don't go full Dixon
gellaho
Cliffhanger -> immediately resolve
Greg
And there was never really any threat or action by the MC
gellaho
O'Toole doesn't do anything except get pulled around
FancyShark
It's his lack of agency the ladies love
gellaho
Just sleeping during the fight
FancyShark
So Breck is where all the machismo is stored and O'Toole is where the decent-guy-ness is stored
gellaho
O'Toole rightly wonders why nobody warned them about the aliens with a vendetta against humans. He is reprimanded for caring and apologizes
I've rarely seen a protagonist with this little agency who is willing to concede any point
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
I'm so glad he dropped the leprechauns and priests bit, at least.
FancyShark
O'Toole, they let the shapeshifters think they were being worshipped as gods. Ignoring the shifters is their go-to move
gellaho
Hell yeah, nysteel darts
Gimme those Steele bits
FancyShark
I'm still convinced it's Breck, not O'Toole, on the front cover
gellaho
"They respect your mind's privacy. But also, they invade your mind to teach you their language while you sleep"
FancyShark
Hawke saw The 13th Warrior and thought "Fucking amateurs"
gellaho
Just the last person to get any information
Ole "Behind the Eight Ball" O'Toole
FancyShark
At some point, having an audience surrogate gets weird if they're constantly baffled
gellaho
And a total coward
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
We're kidnapping one of their children as a prisoner of war. No, I can't believe we're the good guys either.
FancyShark
For all of O'Toole's claims about being a coward, he doesn't really do anything to show it besides when he shat himself
Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool
Canonical this is the same Higgins.
gellaho
They probably had to deal with it. No, I won't explain how
FancyShark
Anyway, kidnapping
gellaho
"But, they can do that to me"
gellaho
Enjoy this long description of the shapeshifters missing the glaringly obvious
FancyShark
I'm starting to see why humans were able to eat these things for years without knowing they were shapeshifters
gellaho
O'Toole must be a small man
FancyShark
We should be keeping a tally of all the ways O'Toole gets emasculated
GDC
Breck's fit perfectly.
FancyShark
Although "you were such a colossal puss you made several thousand people die as a result" is hard to top
GDC
"the garment also had way more space in the groin than O'Toole had any use for."
gellaho
He's having his 'Nam flashbacks
FancyShark
O'Toole shamefully suppresses a boner
gellaho
Breck was fascinated by me because all I had was fear
FancyShark
I'm just glad O'Toole isn't constantly pining for Breck's approval
gellaho
Plasteel, baby!
There's no word Simon Hawke won't merge with steel
GDC
Plastic steel is a polymer while nylon steel is....not?
FancyShark
Just poke some holes in the lid, O'Toole
gellaho
Time to enter the hivemind
FancyShark
Oh God. They're entering a brookemouth!
gellaho
"Higgins, I want you to understand exactly how scared I am. Exactly how much of a wimp I am"
FancyShark
"Because I'm in love with Breck."
gellaho
I like that O'Toole told Higgins that Higgins would give him the "we aren't so different, you and I speech"
And then he did
FancyShark
Bad move, O'Toole. That's a villain speech
gellaho
Higgins said that. I knew I'd have a hard time articulating that
FancyShark
No, I got that. I just read it as O'Toole was trying to draw this out of him
GDC
Higgins if that is how you think science works I think I figured out why you're exiled to a backwater.
gellaho
A real bromance
FancyShark
Called it
gellaho
MOISTEN
THEM
LIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPSSSSS
FancyShark
"Someday, I will moisten Breck's lips."
gellaho
Just a barrage of ideas
FancyShark
So they didn't shut down the network after several thousand people died? Chameleon isn't spamming them with broadcast signals?
gellaho
they have it "under control" now
FancyShark
ahh
gellaho
I'm not really sure how, but they figured it out after the first attack I guess
FancyShark
Proxy server
GDC
I wish my IT department had that kind of turn around time on ticket closure.
gellaho
"Did you already forget?"
FancyShark
I guess we found a spot where Hawke took a break
gellaho
"God, Breck is so cool"
GDC
The entire group is like "Jesus, O'Toole, does your internal monologue always sound like this?"
FancyShark
"I hope Breck likes me."
GDC
"I'd hate to be someone who reads a transcript of your thoughts."
FancyShark
I would just be replaying the ninja/shark fight over and over
gellaho
"Could you please stop being such a wimp?"
FancyShark
Unfortunately, O'Toole doomed them all when he got the Pina Colata song stuck in his head
gellaho
Turns out, ambimorphs are naturally Nickelodeon Gak
FancyShark
Yep. Aliens on stalagmites. Only possible read of glistening, phallic objects.
GDC
Wait I thought the Ambimorphs started out as herd animals.
gellaho
A very comical death
gellaho
They were mimicking animals that were naturally on Draconis 9
FancyShark
Either way, still delicious
gellaho
O'Toole instantly forgets about how they can shapeshift
gellaho
FancyShark
Even the nerd is out-badassing our hero
GDC
It's baffling that O'Toole has lived as long as he has.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Breck has already accomplished the mission
FancyShark
"Why won't Breck carry me?"
gellaho
RIP
Goodbye, Higgins' wife. We hardly knew ye
FancyShark
Higgins is already looking forward to bachelor life
gellaho
O'Toole requires so much help
FancyShark
So much for the "surplus of males"
gellaho
Breck has accomplished his life long dream, and it only took a woman's horrific death!
FancyShark
Yay...?
gellaho
Our hero passes out, having accomplished very little
GDC
Breck was saying "you're dead weight, O'Toole."
FancyShark
"Not as much as Tyla, but still"
gellaho
And now introducing: a doctor
gellaho
A Greedy Doctor
GDC
Jay Shulman is played by Jon Lovitz.
FancyShark
"You're much worse off than the guy who just watched his wife eaten alive in front of him."
gellaho
I don't care if you murdered anybody, as a doctor, I'm in it for myself
FancyShark
Weird time to introduce another subplot
gellaho
Jane Carmody, very similar to Susan Carmody the Steele's lady doctor friend who died at the end of the first Steele book
FancyShark
Names are hard, okay?!
gellaho
Doc Psychopath, at your service
FancyShark
"This doctor...needs borders."
gellaho
O'Toole has completely forgotten how this started
FancyShark
This must be how his Irish/Russian guilt manifests
gellaho
"I suck, how are you not getting this?"
FancyShark
I've read this guy's opinion on medicare-for-all on so many forums
gellaho
"I also can't feel human empathy"
FancyShark
I like his style. His bedside manner must be hilarious.
GDC
Jokes on them. O'Toole is afraid of everything.
gellaho
All aboard the murder train
FancyShark
Shulman rules
gellaho
MURDER
gellaho
God, these two suck
FancyShark
Oh thank god, you included the part about her picking up a gun. I was worried this was gonna get weird
Like, weird weird
gellaho
No, she gets really into the murder
FancyShark
sweet
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Fuckin' hell yeah
GDC
"Stop. Fucking. Monologuing."
gellaho
Still time to pass out one more time
FancyShark
O'Toole might have an undiagnosed medical condition
Or narcolepsy
gellaho
Cut to: living together
John, Servant of Yag-Kosha
Trademark Hawke soliloquy about nothing. Strong ending.
gellaho
Tali decides to move to mental rape
GDC
Didn't she said she respected boundaries at some point?
FancyShark
His colleagues just thought he really liked his crossword puzzle
GDC
Tali really isn't getting a good handle on this thing we humans called 'consent'.
gellaho
O'Toole is always on the precipice of selling out the entire human race
gellaho
Meanwhile, let's brainwash all the humans on Purgatory
FancyShark
"I can't remember my children."
"Whatever. Back to work."
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on violence in media
FancyShark
I think that old argument is a bit more valid when the entertainment is murdering people just by them watching it
gellaho
I forgot about this, I love this nightmare
FancyShark
Badass
gellaho
Freddy Krueger over here
FancyShark
"I will hire so many ninjas to kill you, O'Toole..."
gellaho
And Psychodrome 2 ends on a 32 year long cliffhanger
I guess more of a sequel setup
FancyShark
Chameleon still sucks at diplomacy
Greg
The word ninja is not in this book once
FancyShark
That is a crime against literature
Greg
Nysteel only 11
Lips 13
If someone has an electronic copy of the first book I'd love to see how many times "ninja" comes up
gellaho
Psychodrome 2: The Shapechanger Scenario has been defeated!
gellaho
So concludes another another edition of The Book Cage
FancyShark
Thanks @gellaho !
Ferroday, Priestess of Evillak
entertaining as always gellaho
you crazy bastard
gellaho
Psychodrome will eventually continue with a sequel 32 years in the making, Psychodrome III: The Invasion
