#100 The Nancy Drew Files
🚨 The Nancy Drew Files ™️ Poll Time 🚨
This time we're going back to the lady with the blonde hair and bad taste in men. Vote for your favorite by using the matching reaction.
🚕 #15 - Trial by Fire
💃 #100 - Dance Till You Die
🐬 #121 - Natural Enemies
Polls close in three hours.
I'm voting for the one I'm least excited about because I have to miss the read this week
Are you not seeing the fucking dancing karate kick
That's why I'm not voting for it!
I want to be here for that one!
I'm assuming the Natural Enemies are animals and that one's going to involve fighting animals
Could be dece
They all sound promising. But I'm listening to the selfish part of my brain
I'm glad we all chose wisely and the same.
The people have spoken. For this edition of The Book Cage, we will be reading a very Special Collectors' Edition of The Nancy Drew ™️ Files #100: Dance Till You Die. We got knife fights, disappearances, strangulations, and invitations. This Friday, 5pm eastern, we will find out what this random eagle is about.
@Brockway pin this, or become a gorgeous dead DJ
Oh shit Razor's Edge nightclub
So edgy
With a name like that you'd think the DJ would be slashed to death, but no dice
Can't get slashed to death if you dance-kick the knife away
That cover is a collage of madness
I thought that was a promotional image from Streets of Rage for a second
Don't fuckin tempt me
I'm sure it'd be a beautiful corpse
Coming up on the hour, it's The Nancy Drew Files ™️ #100 - Dance Till You Die. Nancy Drew does not provide previews, so go over these case notes instead
Gaetan Orakuma
Weird names in this one.
Going to be difficult on the phone
Charity Freeborn is a fake name if I've ever seen one
Holy shit I love THE CASE:
Getting started a little late, but here we go
Off to a thrilling start
Not in the US, though. Life plus 70 only applies to works first published after 1978, otherwise it's 95 years from publication
When I think cool, I think bald head, pink shirt
Nancy Drew in a t-shirt? At the club?
Shock!
You have to dress comfortable when you Dance Till You Die
A common teen girl problem is dweebs from the riding club
I feel like naming the club "The E" might confuse the people looking for party drugs
Yeah, like that
The Edge? Now you're taunting the drug addicted.
Nancy's right, there's no reason for anyone to want Bess
Dance Club Revenge sounds like a great movie
SALUTATIONS, DREWVIANS
hola
What a weird thing to say about your missing friend, Nancy
I remember this period in history and THE RAZOR'S EDGE is a really futuristic name for a time when everyone's dancing move was just lean/squat from side to side then pop your shoulders up.
Speaking of, Charity Freeborn and Etienne Girard sound like they're popping in from your Gaspunk spec-fic.
Where is the Shark? I was promised a very fancy shark.
He's on vacation
Why is there no emoji for HARLOT?
Teens smoking heroin on the dance floor again.
In order to find Bess, Nancy and her crew go to an Underground Dance Party. Somehow happening in the amusement park after without anyone noticing
Olive-skinned? This swarthy foreigner just moved to the top of Nancy's suspects list!
A wealthy goth teen? Now I've heard everything
You can't call them urchins anymore, Nancy. Jesus.
Gaetan is your Ice, this evening
A right tatterdemelion, she is!
Carousel knife fight!
Gaetan Orakuma and Etienne Grand? I misspoke, this is a Lupin III case.
Short knife fight
I remember this scene from the cover
There's your moment, @che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Let me list all the things I know about Angola:
OK, done.
Classic Angolan-French collaboration
Did Bess get turned into a cat?
Nancy using all her aerobics skills to put Corporate Anne Hathaway in her place.
Didn't think we'd be getting chloroform. But here we are
Seems like a weird play at the best place in town to score GHB, but what do I know? I'm not a monster.
I guess you could call that green
that classic eagle color
Nancy's one shining moment
Hahaha this cover was very expository
Nancy is visited by an 80s slasher
That tattoo is baller.
Anyway, the culprit is an ex-military dude.
Prowling outside Nancy Drew's window? Great way to get yourself shot by the Hardy Boys.
Gotta get on the princess phone
Nancy did 9/11, confirmed
Tom Kragen: Quarry Nerd
I hate to do back to backs but
Lied to his parents that he's dating Bess.
Sure, the classic dark room at the quarry
Perv time
I am dubious that you could see a blush in a room entirely lit by red
Ha yes the darkroom beakers
Classic setup
Who would have guessed this is how the quarry adventure would end
I feel like Nancy has enough experience with quarries to expect this.
Couldn't avoid the deadly pebbles
In Hardy Boys it would be "Joe Hardy looked up to see a massive Boulder crash down on top of him"
And then open next chapter with "Joe used karate to dodge"
The Nancy Drew Files pattern is to end every chapter with an exclamation point
Regardless of scenario
I have been disappointed by the snacking so far, but I love the sandwich rescue team
This Halloween non sequitur better be relevant
And frolic in the pumpkin patch
The Etienne-Gaetan-Charity triangle has killed many a sailor
You've just never met anyone as white as Nancy Drew, sir.
Or her entire town, I guess is my point.
The Etienne-Gaetan-Charity triangle sounds like a political alliance that involves Prussia
Tell the children about the rippling muscles, ghostwriter
But who had dislodged the boulder? And why was he foreign?
Well fuck you too Lonnie
RIP Frenchie
Nancy "Bones" Drew
Make sure you let the kids think that ether is yummy, ghostwriter
Ether does not smell like dough
(I work with solvents)
Suspicious
The ghostwriter has made the odd decision to not give any of the cops first names
After a moment, Etienne lifted his head. "Alors, quell embarassment, Nancy...as you no doubt know, ze French, we 'ave a great affection for...qu'est-ce que le mot...asphyxiation erotique."
In Project Order they have no names.
Really just pulling out the laziest writing for #100
"hi, etienne, this is your business partner, Gaetan. I'll be coming over there in 11 minutes at...4:53 p.m. Do me a favor and leave the door unlocked?"
I wonder how hack writers moved their plots forward before answering machines were invented.
This couldn't possibly be a clue
I don't have the Nancy Drew vibe down enough to tell if the writing is this bad or slightly less bad and this is a red herring
Good call
Nancy's detective skill aren't as impressive when criminals are this dumb.
The writing in this one is very dry
Question Mark: The Paragraph
scribble a pencil over a notepad.
I am a hack and I know how to catch a hack.
No lie, the other joke I was trying to make was wondering if they'd do that.
Ah, they're still on Earth. Good to know
Sun was hanging dong
If we went to another planet, the sun is probably how we'd decide west.
Oh, they're eating. Thank God
...are there even planets with opposite rotation?
Not in this solar system, but they could spin the opposite direction elsewhere I assume
I think either neptune or uranus spins at a 90 degree angle to the other planets in the solar system.
Hmmmmmmm
Uranus
No, that's a freedom-loving bald eagle
phoenixes aren't generally green.
Also: no fire
Jesus, Bess
How dare you feel empathy Bess.
Quarry Round 2: Night Edition
Solid Snake over here nice work Nancy
Nancy goes completely feral
This is how I play MGS
Give it a minute and the alarms reset
Anti-climax achieved
The fire is in your DANCE MOVES.
I love how often Nancy Drew is PG Veronica Mars.
Offscreen: Gaetan runs from the police
Nice of the police to just let these civilians know what's up.
At least the hemlock makes it kind of goth
I thought answering the door was the butler's job.
They are very progressive
Cream blazers
his blazer is a sweater?
They leave without getting any information, so that's fun
I'm assuming "black baggies" means he was wearing garbage bags
Always start your marriage proposals with a murder threat
Nancy gives out her dad's information to this broke DJ
I'm pretty sure he's not an immigration lawyer, but sure
Then Gaetan gets immediately arrested, how wacky
I feel sure I'm pronouncing all these names incorrectly.
Oh, most definitely
At least she's getting fed now
What a coincidence
Nancy is threatened by a caveman
I dig the "Get a load of these Reagan Republicans and their wannabe goth punk daughter" angle.
Baggy jeans were YUUUUGE
This might be YA's first documented JNCO
I had a pair of black jncos in high school.
The JNCOs take one step for every two you do.
Did you call them baggies? I feel like I've only people call the things you pick up dog shit with that
baggies are for sandwiches and dogshit
or maybe fruit snacks
Bullshit, that girl plainly wants a $50 city hall certification. It would make Daddy soooooo angry.
I did not, but I was lucky enough to live someplace I didn't have occasion.
Style is forever, fashion is for fuckwits.
you live somewhere unhip enough and you're insulated from most of the latter.
I'll take your word for it. I dress for comfort
calling them baggies sounds like a term limited to a very specific location
like how hoodies are only called bunnyhugs in Winnipeg.
I don't believe for a second Nancy Drew hasn't worn roller skates
I guarantee there's a roller rink book in the 99 books before this
Tom Kragen weeb confirmed
Don't we all now?
I have suits just languishing like I'll ever be in a crowded room again.
Gasp, not the business owner!
Could it be... the insurance money?
That club is going up in flames, folks.
Nancy first though
Great White is coming to town.
Well, steam
But still. Hot
Did Nancy drew baffle and dodge a jetstream?
There's the Hardy Boys "wait, I lied" resolution
Steamboat engineers used to carry a broom handle for steam.
This is a bold strategy, Tom
High-pressure steam doesn't condense visibly, so you'd hear a hiss and wave the handle around
They used a dirty rag
when the end fell off like a goddamn samurai film, you found your leak.
That was around for... reasons
How dare you describe Nancy as such.
And I guess Ned died before this book, because he is nowhere
Seemingly replaced by George, Bess's female cousin
I like to interpret all these books for what they really mean. Tom's telling everybody sordid sexual details that never happened.
I specify female, because I've never heard of a lady George outside of George Foreman's kids
Gorgeous Georgeous.
Nancy's crew heroically hide in a closet for several hours
IT FINALLY HAPPENED
@che jakesy, sports revolutionary the dream has been achieved
@FancyShark also
Just in case the text wasn't obvious enough
Two hours is a reasonable timing, George.
Gotta get knocked out at least once
Nancy is suffering from short term memory loss
In case you were wondering, Bess was kidnapped for literally no reason
We had to kill Etienne to cover up that he had successfully dissuaded us from killing you.
He says otherwise, but he never tried to kill Bess after that.
Busting out all the clichés for #100
Well, at least there was an explosion
I'm not sure how the water created a fireball. But it's something
Still respecting the Dumpster branding
Phone-jitsu
@che jakesy, sports revolutionary Serial Insurance Fraud
Christian teens will do ANYTHING to stay technically within boundaries.
Convenient how everything just works out
Nothing matters, yay!
What a nothing ending
Man, I should be writing Nancy Drew books.
If the government wrongfully accuses you they have to give you citizenship, that's in the Bible Constitution.
Well, we survived The Nancy Drew Files ™️ #100: Dance Till You Die I guess
Hardy Boys Casefiles #100 was better
The funniest part was knowing 30% of it took place to Snap's "Rhythm Is a Dancer."
Argh I had to dip out I cant wait to read what I missed!
You think you'd do a little something more for the 100th. Maybe something involving Nancy Drew's actual life, not just three random 20 year olds from a dance club
That's an extra short edition of The Book Cage.
May you all have successful insurance fraud schemes
Gellaho, you are a scholar, and a scholar.
Gracias
Thanks, @gellaho
We need @FancyShark back I could only keep up with his emotes for 40 minutes
I have no idea how he fires those out.
It's a gift.
Where is @FancyShark anyway?
Vegas
I won't give anything away, but the next Psi-Man has some wonderful surprises
Oh good. We could use some Psi-Man.
Well, you have to wait for summer
I treasure these evenings, @gellaho.
I appreciate that
This is what I like to see
I'm so upset I was stuck in traffic for the big reveal