gellaho
🚨 Hardy Boys Casefiles Poll Time 🚨
Watch out for falling rocks! Vote for your choice to read by selecting the matching reaction.
⛰️ #75 - No Way Out
🪨 #81 - Sheer Terror
121: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #75: No Way Out Franklin W. Dixon
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If you choose the wrong path, prepare to pay a steep price!
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Velo
This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever made but damn it I want the hardy boys to watch helplessly as someone falls off a mountain
gellaho
The Book Cage: Episode 121
The Hardy Boys Casefiles #75: No Way Out
The people have spoken! And they have chosen the game of all games: orienteering. Yes, the competition where people navigate using maps and... well, that's it. Join the boys on their journey to the land of rattlesnakes and snipers: Idaho. This Friday 5pm Eastern.
gellaho
gellaho
@Duke of Soup Javo The Hardy Boys are doing the sport of kings
Duke of Soup Javo
Powerful
Vanpire
Certainly when I think of perilous hijinks and adventure I think of Idaho
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"don't move, Joe! The mountain can't see you if you don't move!"
Velo
Thrilling Idaho Adventures
Brendan!™
Idaho is gorges.
Seriously, Idaho is awesome. The only thing it needs is all its militias to make one dumb, brave, doomed charge at a military fort and it's back to perfect beauty.
Brendan!™
I'd rather die from rocks knocking me off a ledge than in a cave buried under them. The crowdsourced wisdom is corect.
gellaho
Little under an hour until the orienteering adventure The Hardy Boys Casefiles #75: No Way Out. Rip Frank
Velo
BOOK
CAGE
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
booooooooooooooook cage
Velo
Hi @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave !
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
hello
gellaho
Need a few minutes
Time to begin the process
Velo
BOOK CAGE
Hi @gellaho !
That cover looks cooler every time I see it
GDC's Quivering Thews
I have closed my work laptop and have rotated my chair to the right, towards my book cage laptop
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it still looks like Joe is trying to stand still so the mountain won't murder him
Velo
Hi @GDC's Quivering Thews !
gellaho
The ghostwriter really wants you to know how muscular and 17 Joe is
Velo
The blond, muscular seventeen-year-old inhaled muscularly with the youthful exuberance of someone who was a year younger than eighteen, but the experience of someone who was a year older than sixteen.
So Joe's the favorite in this one
gellaho
"Sport"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
is this the same ghostwriter as the last hardy boys book cage, where they bluffed their way into a human trafficking ring and just kept going deeper?
Velo
Oh right that one
gellaho
The ghostwriter would also like you to know how attractive this teen reporter is
Velo
Good to see Callie hasn't exploded yet
Liz also un-exploded so that's nice
GDC's Quivering Thews
Some hard hitting investigation into backpacking in idaho
Velo
This week in the Bayport Times: Idaho, A State?
gellaho
Rob's lying to you
GDC's Quivering Thews
It's just hiking with a compass
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"yeah they take points off if you shoot a moose and don't gut it properly"
Velo
"Dear Callie,
Orienteering is so hard. It is the hardest sport. I am very cool for doing it.
Yours Awesomely,
Rob"
GDC's Quivering Thews
Anyway, looks like they're near that mountain from that song.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
spooky
gellaho
It's a fanny pack, Rob
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Writing a book for a teen boy checklist:
pretty girl(s)
fighting
survival against one element or another
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
maybe they meant "waste pouch." he carries all his droppings so the bears won't catch his scent
Velo
Hi @P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs !
gellaho
My super special, magic, orienteering puzzle map
Velo
Rob's right he isn't a genius
Listen to Rob
GDC's Quivering Thews
The concept of topographic maps is not a difficult one
gellaho
Fail out of the relay, Rob?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
no way, all those lines and shapes and numbers? You'd have to be some sort of brain expert
gellaho
Those famous orienteering records
Velo
National Orienteering Championship
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
haha this book is trying to gaslight us into liking orienteering
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The past was so boring, wandering through the woods with a goal was a sport
Velo
This book was written by the only passionate orienteer
gellaho
A flawless system
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Chekov's shenanigans
GDC's Quivering Thews
I can spot some opportunities for unscrupulous people in that plan.
gellaho
Impossible
Velo
I'm just going to assume this was written by the 1993 National Orienteering Champion, Allan Mogensen, until someone proves that it wasn't.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
don't even think about it you guys
these are very special holepunches
they punch holes you've never seen before
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
no one expects the floppy dick hole punch
gellaho
The exciting ups and downs of orienteering
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Joe immediately trying to get them all killed
GDC's Quivering Thews
Joe takes a lot longer than most people to read maps
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
it's called orienteering because part of the challenge is orienting yourself, Joe
Velo
Such a wild adventure we're going on
gellaho
Rob majestically loping into the forest like Bigfoot
Velo
I look forward to seeing all these characters again
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
you just listened to 3 people explain every single aspect of this activity and then you tried to eat the map and go swimming
Velo
Rob is fucking off into the woods
GDC's Quivering Thews
After hearing all about the reading everyone else did, Joe makes the unilateral decision to wander aimlessly into the woods
Velo
Joe decides the woods can't do anything to him he wasn't already planning on doing to himself
GDC's Quivering Thews
Joe immediately runs skull first into the nearest tree
gellaho
It's a complicated process
Velo
As he was planning to do to himself
GDC's Quivering Thews
"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to use your fists, Rob"
Velo
I hope Rob falls in a pit
gellaho
Joe's bad joke causes a rock slide
Velo
God is trying to kill Joe
gellaho
Shouldn't have made him unkillable then
GDC's Quivering Thews
I hope that strange clicking is the Predator.
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Or a land mine
gellaho
No, the super special hole punch!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
duck?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Now it's a no-win game
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
is that the right course of action?
gellaho
That small outcropping sure is convenient
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
That or get beaned in the head I guess
gellaho
Very convenient, indeed
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
usually it takes ages to get to the cover art
now we're getting it out of the way in the first 5 minutes?
I have no idea what we're building towards. This adventure could go deep within the earth's crust or beyond the furthest stars
gellaho
There goes Joe's leg
gellaho
GDC's Quivering Thews
"Joe, I can see your femur"
Velo
Well fuck, Joe's dead
Poor, hunky Joe
Better eat him
gellaho
It's probably just a coincidence
Velo
Meanwhile Joe is screaming in agony three feet away
GDC's Quivering Thews
Rocks were sliding illegally outside the designated area
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Joe is learning about pain!
Velo
A valuable lesson for the least favorite Boy
gellaho
They find a sun visor where the rock slide started. Being boy detectives, they think it's probably nothing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Maybe it killed him?"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"why would anyone want to hurt us? The Hardy Boys? Scourge of the criminal underworld?"
gellaho
The famous nightlife of Ketchum, Idaho
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The one bar
gellaho
That's what they're called: "sports people"
Velo
Only one that weekend
gellaho
I like the implication that there are usually dozens
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
3 whole stories! in rural Idaho!
Velo
There are hundreds more throughout the year, for the popular and cool sport of Orienteering!
GDC's Quivering Thews
They don't call Ketchum, Idaho the orienteering capital of the world for nothing
gellaho
You can really feel the emotion of Joe's pain here
Velo
It's the classic Orienteering saying, "Orienteer yourself to Ketchum, Idaho, the heart of Orienteering, which is the sport which we do and is cool and fun."
Orienteers are a strange and wordy people
Joe's too busy being hunky to feel pain
gellaho
Liz finds starch very sexually stimulating
gellaho
Velo
Liz, Joe is dying
GDC's Quivering Thews
Liz loves a man in starch. Must be an Idaho thing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Joe, are you crying?"
"No, I uh, was just thinking about the plight of Native Peoples"
gellaho
The most intimidating threat of all time
Velo
Oh fuck
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Oh shit - intra-orienteering threats
It could ba any other orienteer
Any of the 3 of them
Velo
So we all agree it's Liz
Liz did this
gellaho
Nah, that can't be what you call yourselves
gellaho
Also, what have you done, Rob?
Velo
Can't be a champion o-er without making a few enemies
gellaho
That, Takashi, always sending death threats
Velo
o-er is the most 1993 thing they could have gone with
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
He takes losing as a challenge to his family honor or something
gellaho
What merry pranksters
gellaho
Velo
"We keep trying to kill each other, as a lark."
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"through the foam he shouted something like 'I'll kill you for this, Rob!' It was so funny."
gellaho
How dare you get pushed into a ditch by me
Velo
Is anyone else hoping this gets real weirdly problematic
I want a samurai duel on a mountaintop for Rob's honor
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
I'm hoping it becomes anything
gellaho
The ghostwriter really wants you to understand how muscular these teens are
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"he tried to get me back by taking a photo of my O-face - that's what we call the face we make when we think about orienteering - but luckily for me I'd already finished by the time he took the shot."
Velo
Studs, all of them
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The Iron Chef podcast was too recent for this strong of a Japanese name
gellaho
Of the Arizona Okiras
Velo
Yeah I only heard that this morning
It is influencing my opinion of this book
gellaho
Why wouldn't I believe that
Velo
Fucking Swedes
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
It started as "going to school"
Velo
The Swedes only learned to read maps in 1943
And then they made a sport about it
GDC's Quivering Thews
Which enemies were those, Santina?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
they took advantage of the global situation to reclaim some territory from the mooses
GDC's Quivering Thews
Those sister-biting bastards
gellaho
Themselves
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
There was a dispute about the proper temperature for a sauna
gellaho
The next morning, Joe acquires his target
Velo
Shorts, a red windbreaker, and an orienteering fanny-pack
gellaho
Joe got a girlfriend in book #69, but how could the ghostwriter know that?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Awful lot of girls in this manly teen fiction
Velo
Joe plays it fast and loose
GDC's Quivering Thews
Each ghostwriter mainains their own continuity
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
so do his ankle joints
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Joe's not a slut, he just has many head injuries
Velo
I don't care what this book says, to me Joe has a pegleg for the rest of the story
gellaho
No, seriously, what's her name?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I spy an opportunity for Joe to move in here
gellaho
Seems like a relationship built to last
Velo
Oh shit
This is early
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"oh you're o-ing with this SLUT?!"
gellaho
"About to do some 'o-ing'," wrote the ghostwriter, satisfied with his work
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"A man can O with two chicks"
Velo
"Me and Liz were just going to go o in the woods"
gellaho
Seems healthy
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"your girlfriend, is she an o-er? Eh? Does she o? Eh? Say no more, say no more!"
GDC's Quivering Thews
Liz is a lot easier to make o than you, Sylvia
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
haha oh my god he already dumped her and she did this
that's a great sign, Joe, you should go for it
GDC's Quivering Thews
Sylvia's problem is that she cheated on the punch card thing, she faked her o's.
gellaho
She's gotta o, or she's gotta go
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"anyway back to the only thing that matters to me"
GDC's Quivering Thews
An o-man lives a lonely life.
gellaho
Boy detectives
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"1 is the first number in the alphabet, right? or did they change it???" -Joe
Velo
I think this writer hates them
gellaho
Access to a typewriter!? Impossible for the college student of 1993!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Ask her if it can play Oregon Trail"
gellaho
Advanced technology beyond the scope of possibility
Anyway, Frank immediately falls in a hole
gellaho
Velo
God damn it now Frank's leg is broken too
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
he dug his heels in tiiiiight, but it's the crevice sliiiide, that really drives you insaaaane
gellaho
The cliffhanger to anti-climax comes as it must
gellaho
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Maybe a mild brain injury, nbd
Velo
Why is he wearing a rugby shirt
This is 1993 America
Or did the ghostwriter just not want to use the word "striped"
gellaho
Some people flee immediately upon hearing Joe's request for help
Velo
Probably for the best
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"They found the body! Run!"
Velo
It will not spare them Joe's wrath, but it is an understandable reflex
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The fools
Their fate is now tied to Frank's
GDC's Quivering Thews
Joe interrupted them in a middle of a marital dispute
gellaho
Buy Band-Aid brand
gellaho
Although, earlier they used Ace bandages
gellaho
Pick a side, ghostwriter!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Blood = band-aids
Velo
Good damn brand traitors
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Their Krogan-style regeneration will handle the rest
gellaho
Another successful o-ing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
They have chased crooks through the woods in almost every book
gellaho
Pro o-ing
Velo
That's never going to stop being bad
gellaho
BUY BAND-AID BRAND, KIDS
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
https://www.chicago-orienteering.org/glossary.htm
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
There are sub-types
Velo
Have to remember to tell Javo tomorrow that orienteering somehow got dumber
gellaho
Rogaine is for the old o-er, I assume?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
even worse
"The word ROGAINE is said to be an acronym for Rugged Outdoor Group Activity Involving Navigation and Endurance."
Velo
Beautiful name change @gellaho
gellaho
Truly a brainy sport when the record holder's biggest weakness is an inability to concentrate
Velo
@Duke of Soup Javo Orienteering is somehow dumber than expected
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Once his focus is blown, he has trouble o-ing"
Velo
If Rob looks away from the map for even a secondd he completely forgets where he is and why
gellaho
You know, the ads for good health
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"sorry babe, not tonight," Rob whispers. The mountain has heard it all before.
gellaho
A land of contrasts
gellaho
Wheelchairs?! Now I've heard everything
gellaho
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
o-ing in a wheelchair!
And on a mountain!
Velo
All o-ers know the full history of o-ing, Rob, you fucking fraud
Duke of Soup Javo
Concrentrate on what
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
o-ing
gellaho
One death threat deserves another
GDC's Quivering Thews
Rob can't o without his life being threatened
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
This is how death threat chain letters get started
Velo
"Takashi is the only one nerdy enough to bring a typewriter when he goes out to o in the woods."
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Rob is weird in that he brings a pretty girl or two with him"
Velo
They are calling it "o-ing" and the people who do it are "o-ers"
Beautiful slang
gellaho
Takashi, in his own room? Who could have foreseen this?
Velo
Some Duets level madness
Duke of Soup Javo
Hes gonna have to concentrate and show them his o face
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I did that one
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
I can only hear Takashi's voice as the Iron Chef pervert's
Duke of Soup Javo
Quiet you
Velo
"No one's trying to kill you, Rob, nature just sucks."
gellaho
Joe gets very mad that Takashi accused them of doing what they were doing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The Hardy Boys, fearing a boring vacation, pre-mailed death threats to all their friends
gellaho
Ah, looks like Rob's dad is looking to go out of business
GDC's Quivering Thews
Forget it, Joe, it's O-Town.
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Conflict of interest with all those big O-ing bucks at stake
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I've never o'd on camera before. I hope I can keep it up long enough."
gellaho
Maybe you should ask for some money back on that Advertising degree, Rob
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
show people using the product for its intended use? I dunno, sounds crazy... just crazy enough to work
gellaho
No, seriously, what's his name
gellaho
The account executive for the shoe account is Foote? Did we get tired, ghostwriter?
Velo
First Sylvia, now Jeremy. Rob is Keiser Soze-ing his way through this whole book
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
He was never not tired
GDC's Quivering Thews
He really started off on the right foote
gellaho
The dreaded Idaho Hotel Rattlesnake
gellaho
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Like a pillow mint, but Man-comics-y
Velo
Oh Takashi and his silly little pranks!
gellaho
You missed the four foot snake in your room?
