Velo
Sneaky snake
121: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #75: No Way Out Franklin W. Dixon
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If you choose the wrong path, prepare to pay a steep price!
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P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"I hate snakes" - a professional nature runner
gellaho
Yes, grab the broom by its sturdiest part: the bristles
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
guys, just leave
you don't have to handle this
go tell the hotel to phone animal control
Velo
No
You can't leave hotel rooms in Idaho
gellaho
The death threats of the lazy assassin
Velo
... What?
Is that a reference? Or a saying? Is this an Idaho thing?
gellaho
Well, case closed. Mountain Mike did it
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Holy shit
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
the criminal wrote down the phone numbers he was using on the note he gave to the victim?
Velo
Mountain Mike aint never hurt nobody who never hurt a mountain
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The stakes just officially escalated to attempted homicide
Velo
Rob has been o-ing all over the mountains, though
gellaho
They go to the sporting goods store, turns out they give the visors out to anyone who "asks about sporting events." Which is about the most vague promotion I've ever heard
gellaho
Luckily, they run into Mr Foote there
Velo
"What do you mean asks about sporting events?"
"Congratulations, son, you just got yourself a free visor!"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
That last line is not sinister at all
GDC's Quivering Thews
Oh, so this is a cult, then?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
this man does most of his photography in a basement
gellaho
Mr O-ing
Velo
The o-cult
gellaho
Hilarious o-stories
Velo
Joe, joe, joe, shut up
Take your internal monologue and shut up
gellaho
True titans of collegiate athletics
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Also their only rival"
gellaho
Terry Zane, cousin of Billy
Velo
Takashi you traitor
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
How do you foul while o-ing?
Velo
No loyalty to the team that kicked him out
gellaho
Clearly only one woman in Idaho would have a braid
Velo
Braids are too fancy for native idahodians
gellaho
Master detective Joe Hardy blurts out some secret information
gellaho
gellaho
Master Detective Joe Hardy rules out a female suspect because she smiled at him
gellaho
Velo
Joe might have internal bleeding
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
A cheap cheap hotel, Joe...
gellaho
I'm sure this whitewater rafting trip will go great
gellaho
I'm not sure Dick Harney had an easy childhood
Velo
Ghostwriter just wanted to point out that Rich is also hot
Is this fanfiction?
GDC's Quivering Thews
the ghostwriter was stretching themselves by using 'sturdy' instead of 'muscular' here.
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"He was really fat and senstive about it, ok"
gellaho
Rafts need air holes anyway
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Boat! Hole! Water! Float-not!!"
gellaho
Two people fall out, Joe makes sure the rest join
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Frank how may you be wrong
gellaho
Just let death take you
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Damn
Velo
Joe has forgot that people don't want to die
GDC's Quivering Thews
They've really upped the stakes here, with a bunch of people in lifejackets floating in a slow moving, shallow river.
gellaho
Easy to forget when you can't
That was close
Velo
They were five feet away from safety that whole time
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"It's ok, Sylvia, I can't die"
gellaho
Convenient
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Sucks to be you!" the guide leaves
gellaho
Frank tells Joe about women
gellaho
Missed the gunshot, somehow
Velo
Too busy drowning Sylvia
gellaho
You o-ers are dangerous, loose cannons!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Maybe the sheriff will date me"
Velo
O-ers are constantly murdering each other, that's one of the universal stereotypes of O-ing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Without danger, there is no o
gellaho
I'd love to know why Frank thinks it's so hard to find a typewriter
gellaho
Velo
Was it because it was 1993 and they were being replaced by computers at an unprecedented rate?
gellaho
This ghostwriter loves that phase
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I think Idaho outlawed all forms of writing in 1989
all typewriters were thought lost in the Great Purge
Velo
Oi Australian don't you go talking about Idaho like that it's a serious state that- I can't even keep that up sarcastically
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
If the note was typed on a typewriter, it would narrow down the suspects
in 1993
gellaho
The second try at breaking into Takashi's room is also unsuccessful
Velo
When addressing an Australian always start your sentence with "Oi" to make them feel at home
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
velo knows the ways of my people
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Oi Bastard" if you are familiar
GDC's Quivering Thews
It took longer than usual to get to some Joe Hardy Head Trauma
gellaho
The ghostwriter kindly requests that you forget about how the previous chapter ended with Joe blacking out
gellaho
Joe Hardy once again gets blasted in the head and forgets that he's the one who broke in
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Karate fight!
Velo
"Why are you attacking me?!" Joe screamed as he kicked down the door
gellaho
Oh, Joe and his uncontrollable rage
Velo
Frank had to drag his idiot brother away
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The Hardy Boys Casefiles #76: Joe Hardy's Deadly Prison Rampage
Velo
Not for the first time, which you would think would be a real red flag for them
gellaho
"I'm in charge of your safety. Well, unless there's an ad campaign"
Velo
If I remember Dead of Night correctly isn't that story just a series of Joe's uncontrolled rampages?
gellaho
It's mostly him sobbing due to a relentless psy-op meant to drive him crazy
Velo
Oh right it's Frank that goes on the multi-state rampage
GDC's Quivering Thews
When you give Joe a concussion he goes into berzerker mode.
gellaho
He doesn't go into full rage until he's shot with the madness dart by the dwarf in a skeleton costume
It's a great book
Velo
Everyone watch Dead of Night after this it's fantastic
Gellaho is an amazing artist
https://youtu.be/r_RxRhJu3l0?si=dt9Z_w00MwH39bsr
gellaho
Nobody would want me for their ad campaign, I'm too deep in the dangerous and sexy world of o-ing
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"O-ing! Idaho's #2 industry!"
gellaho
They're only experience in body guarding was in #72 Bad Rap, where Joe was poisoned by gas and was almost exploded by a tape recorder
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Hey, Joe attracts and is immune to all danger, that's pretty great for a bodyguard
GDC's Quivering Thews
"you know these are also children, right?"
gellaho
Time for attempt #3
gellaho
The expert bodyguards immediately lose track of Rob
Velo
God fucking damn it
I looked away for two minutes and Rob is dead
gellaho
Then immediately run into a giant rock
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"It's Rob's corpse! He appears to have been killed by a samurai sword..."
gellaho
They are great at this
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
wait so Rob hired them as bodyguards then immediately left without them?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
O-ers gotta O
gellaho
At least the shooter is also incompetent
gellaho
Buy Swiss
gellaho
o-tus interruptus
Velo
This books is in the pocket of Big-O
gellaho
Well, no time to worry about that
Time for some more shots: photo shots!
And what better place than an old, rickety bridge
Velo
That's where I take all my old pictures
Pictures aren't flattering without a precipice nearby
gellaho
Just run as hard as possible over that, it'll be fine
gellaho
Save the rope!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Crash Bandicoot that shit
Velo
Rickety bridges are the safest kind
Unless you're o-ing, in which case; death
gellaho
That was tense
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
This author is all about "Danger! nah..."
gellaho
It's almost like someone is trying to kill this guy
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
At this point foul play should be their first thought
gellaho
"I AM NOT SUSPICIOUS"
GDC's Quivering Thews
The thing that keeps getting me is that you're supposed to o on trails in the woods but everyone seems to be within a stone's throw of their car.
Velo
the ghost writer, after spending months trying to figure out a way for Malik's to escape, really just said "fuck it, what if she just leaves?"
gellaho
You're not funny Frank
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Great for hunting... the most dangerous game"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"ain't been no guns firin' this bullet fer 29 years"
gellaho
Let me tell you all about bullets, teens
GDC's Quivering Thews
A t-shirt without wrinkles really stands out in Ketchum
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Also no holes!"
gellaho
That fiendish Foote!
Velo
Ah yes, Jeremy Foote, the character I certainly remembered
gellaho
Classic teen girl behavior
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
They're just checking their stocks.
gellaho
Is that what Kevin Nash is up to these days
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Kevin Nash found with multiple pictures of teens o-ing
authorities have yet to comment
Velo
"o-ing team" is the most cursed phrase I've seen in the book cage, and our last book was time loop 9/11
gellaho
We had a break in, whatever
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"we did some research on how to prevent break-ins, and the top result was this thing called locks"
Velo
"Naturally the first thing we looked for were maps that had been stolen. We assumed the burglar was an o-er, and therefore our large pile of loose copper piping was safe."
gellaho
Have some thumb compasses that suspicious coach left
gellaho
gellaho
You know, thumb compasses?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The glamourous world of professional o-ing
gellaho
gasp
Velo
The compasses that go on your thumb?
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
I show up and like five seconds later everyone's o-ing
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
why is "local businesses sometimes give out free promotional items" a recurring theme in this book
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
No, you are seeing the regular rate of o-ing
Velo
We were o-ing before you got here but it looks like the o-ing is really picking up now
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
they've been o-ing non-stop
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
O
gellaho
Malika walks in and tries her classic tactic of just leaving
Velo
Don't tell me what to do
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
haha Malika once again using her unbeatable technique of "just fucking leave"
gellaho
Rob masterfully counters
Velo
I would just like to say we picked the right book, and thank you to everyone who voted
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
Malika will be the first villain to beat the Hardy's, simply by refusing to stay in a scene
Velo
She's sabotaging the o-meet!
gellaho
Kevin Nash loves Top Ten O-er lists
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
Uh-o
GDC's Quivering Thews
"Care to explain why this compass is only pointing towards this powerful magnet?"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"A metal bra! A literal booby-trap!"
gellaho
Those damn Australian thumb compasses!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
(looks left and right shiftily)
I actually didn't know that either
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
you just have to read it backwards
gellaho
Buh, wha?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
my homeland truly is a strange and disturbing place
we wear hats on our feet and hamburgers eat people
Velo
See, you didn't say "Oi" first so now he's uncomfortable
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
that was more a thing in high school
if you wanted to be cool you had to throw an oi in every sentence
GDC's Quivering Thews
Or if you were in a punk band in the 80s
gellaho
So dangerous and fun, kids. Maybe you should try it, I don't know
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
oh so it's bullshit?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Apparently, the North and South ends are weighted differently so that the needle lays parallel to the Earth
Rachel, Sex-Positive AKA a slut
Kinda. It would still point north.
Velo
Joe and Frank are barely characters in this story
gellaho
First time o-ers
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
all these o-ers shivering with antici
GDC's Quivering Thews
Be gentle, I've never o-ed before
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
And North would be through the planet, so the compass would just point at the ground in Australia
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
-pation
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Iron chef pervert o-o-o--o
gellaho
Just randomly capitalize the B in Break
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Bust a nut"
Velo
We all knew these books didn't have an editor
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The editor is the man with a check in one hand and a revolver pointed at the writer in the other
gellaho
The ghostwriter didn't describe what she's doing with the index finger of her other hand
Velo
There is no check, you fool, and that lie is exactly how they get ghost writers in the first place
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The bored spinning of the cylinder is very real, though
gellaho
Frank falls into another hole
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
He's got MM Jeff beat
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"Rob. Rob. Look. Look at the thing I'm doing. Rob, I'm doing that thing. Rob. ROB. Please Rob I still love you please just acknowledge this forced reference I'm doing."
Velo
Frank is bad at this. And by 'this' I mean 'walking outside in the world'
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
was Frank just attacked by the Flash?
gellaho
They probably don't put man-traps in the orienteering course, Joe
GDC's Quivering Thews
Frank's just looking for a hole to o in
gellaho
Nice to leave an escape rope right next to the hole
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
I'm sometimes moist and dark at the bottom too
gellaho
That foul Foote!
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Let's chase him, it's not like he has a gun or anything"
gellaho
It's almost as extreme as the really cool sport of orienteering, right kids?
gellaho
His o-ing map
gellaho
They are doing a great job of guarding Rob
Velo
God damn it
I left to get a drink and Rob is dead again
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
He suffers the karma meant for Joe
gellaho
The two voices speak in unisin, but selfishly only include themselves
Velo
I would kill Rob for half a sandwich
gellaho
Dirty, dirty o-ers
Velo
Wouldn't even be hard
Just dig a hole somewhere in Idaho and wait for Rob to wander into it of his own volition
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"Why are they naked?"
Velo
"Whay aren't you?"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
so many people fall down 15-foot crevices in this book
gellaho
You fell down this slope to spite me!
GDC's Quivering Thews
If only people would look where they're going
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"We both agreed that Montana stays in Montana"
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Takashi is a very specific type of asshole to hold a grudge against a guy just because he got caught fucking with that guy
"how dare you have been shoved into a ditch by me"
gellaho
The rock-proof o-er gear
gellaho
"I followed you off a cliff, which is your fault!"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
The HArdy Boys have been around whenever something goes down, just saying
gellaho
Yoink
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Takashi blames Rob when some ketchup drips on his shirt
gellaho
Takashi going to get himself killed with that tampered map
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"I'm so good at map reading that I don't even look where I'm walking," said the top level o-er
gellaho
I mean, would anybody miss him?
Velo
I mean presumably Foote would notice that it's not Rob and then just not murder Takashi right?
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
They look so much alike
gellaho
Well, Takashi might be fucked
gellaho
gellaho
Velo
Oh
gellaho
Rob thinks it'd be a good idea if both of them stopped moving in the open
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
Serpentine!
Velo
"The ad executive had his rifle raised, aiming into the valley below." is the least threatening sentence I have ever read
gellaho
Well, Joe's deaf now
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
"The guy firing the gun has no hearing issues, though"
gellaho
Joe loses another fight
Velo
To be fair he is a child
gellaho
Rifles are close range weapons
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
lol goddamn
say goodbye to life
ad executives don't fuck around
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
That how they are here in the USA
gellaho
Jeremy's knees getting wrecked in this fight
Velo
His weak, ad executive knees
gellaho
So, you would have still stolen it as long as it wasn't a map to your death? Not much of an apology
gellaho
"Like, why? Not cool, man"
P.Boart vs Knockoff Xenomorphs
MURDER is the clear answer
gellaho
"I BELIEVE THE TRUTH! I WAS MEANT TO SELL SHOES! NOT YOU!"
Velo
Fuck it, kill the nepo-baby
gellaho
Takashi was also trying to kill Rob
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
and this was like a mid-tier job for a company that sells shoes, right?
Velo
That's fair, Takashi
Where did you get the snake?!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
fucking christ Takashi, a four-foot rattlesnake in his bed? "I don't know what came over me," the better attempted murderer said in one of two murder trials rocking Idaho today
gellaho
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"and I paid their families well after they both died"
gellaho
o-ing run
