Chickenfoot
Maybe it's not a threat, maybe he just can't communicate
9: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #45: In Self-Defense Franklin W. Dixon
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When you're on enemy turf you'd better be ready to hold your ground!
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Science God Q Alchemy
"bend over frank"
Chickenfoot
maybe the thing that could happen to her is a all expenses paid trip to tahiti
Old Man Brendan
IF the price is right!
Chickenfoot
"Your girlfriend is currently the sole passenger on a first class trans-atlantic flight. Your actions will decide whether the pilot nosedives into a volcano or lands happily in historic Taiwan"
Science God Q Alchemy
I think callie could take these dweebs
gellaho
Conrad told him to go to a second location, just to tell him to go to the one place he hangs out at
Science God Q Alchemy
She's had one karate class
Old Man Brendan
This is the dumbest quantum experiment ever.
Chickenfoot
hahaha
Science God Q Alchemy
Frank does not have STREET SMARTS
Chickenfoot
how on earth would "Conrad Daye" not be the bad guy anyway
his name is close to comrade which is full communism
Old Man Brendan
They're gonna play Mortal Kombat until Conrad wins using that cheap Sub-Zero combo cycle and decrees he's the best.
Chickenfoot
conrad daye is not a healthy american boy name
gellaho
This is not the best time for this Frank
Old Man Brendan
MORTAL KONRAD
Chickenfoot
conrad attacked bullys with a baseball bat?
Old Man Brendan
Conrad is coming out of this looking way better than Joe.
GDC
and then joe testified against him
Science God Q Alchemy
Frank is massively projecting right now
gellaho
They immediately left the arcade for a third location
Old Man Brendan
Frank knew all too well the dark compulsion of something from...outside.
Chickenfoot
"This is making you rock hard right now, isn't it Gilson?" Frank asked as nonchalantly as he could manage.
gellaho
This is great storytelling
Chickenfoot
i love it when people use "get off on" to mean enjoy because like
gellaho
What were you hoping to accomplish here Frank
Chickenfoot
i just picture someone getting off on gang violence as rocking a full chub during a driveby
the hardy boys need guns
Science God Q Alchemy
God damn, never let them take you to a secondary location you fool!
Chickenfoot
"The Hardy Boys and the Secret of the Going To PTSD Therapy"
Old Man Brendan
Did Frank just break a dude's elbow while telling himself it's okay because that dude liked to hurt people?
gellaho
Joe and Kay decided to head to the arcade because they also don't care about the life of Frank's girlfriend
Chickenfoot
Is this like when hannibal lector throws cum at that woman
Old Man Brendan
Not-Me and Ida Know over here.
Science God Q Alchemy
Oh I get it, frank was just premptively justifying his insane violence earlier
gellaho
The old pretend to be a weak woman trick
Science God Q Alchemy
Hannibal didn't throw cum, he killed the guy who did
Chickenfoot
at least I got the movie right
gellaho
Then threaten death to your enemies
Old Man Brendan
They were LETTING YOU LEAVE you provocateurs.
Chickenfoot
holy shit that's metal
although it would be better to threaten to make him talk
Science God Q Alchemy
I think the hardy boys get off on the violence
Old Man Brendan
The gang member tucked his chin to his chest and Kay was powerless
Science God Q Alchemy
That's why they're doing this
gellaho
Is Daye mad they didn't immediately find proof of his innocence?
gellaho
Seems like they could have gotten it much more quickly if you hadn't made him run around all day
As always, the crisis is immediately resolved
Old Man Brendan
They just copy and pasted a defense manual steps.
Science God Q Alchemy
Proving your innocence via threatening murder
gellaho
That was quite a pointless bit
Chickenfoot
i mean okay how many hardy boys books do you think you could write without getting an erection at the thought of extreme violence
in the author's defense
gellaho
These guys also just immediately left the arcade. Making that whole action pointless
Science God Q Alchemy
To be fair, when you're facing down jail time I could see going insane and doing something stupid. On the other hand he went right for violence.
Chickenfoot
"Kay I'm begging you to crush my windpipe"
Old Man Brendan
he went for "I'm a man of my word" Chigur violence
Science God Q Alchemy
Joe "step on me mommy" hardy at it once again
Chickenfoot
The Hardy Boys really give me that "Terminally Horny Hardcore Christian/Jehova's Witness" vibe
Science God Q Alchemy
Joe was simping in the previous one we read right?
Chickenfoot
The barely contained animal lust of a 60's teenager
or whenever this was
Old Man Brendan
My next-door neighbor was a magician when I was 5 and I didn't look at him with half as much awe as Joe does this woman who can murder with a punch.
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like I made some simp jokes then, that were very hilarious and totally landed
gellaho
Boy I would love if Joe got cask of Amontillado'd
gellaho
Yes, he was in love with the young record producer who ended up being the criminal
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean, I think that's fair a woman who can kill with her bare hands is pretty hot
gellaho
He was also in love with Rapster Randy Rand
Old Man Brendan
So Barracuda built a series of doors that could only be opened by the side the police were coming from
Old Man Brendan
I agree, but it's more the power and skill than the violence.
Science God Q Alchemy
Aren't we all
Chickenfoot
since i have no description of kay i'm picturing her like this
gellaho
Intrigue. Joe wasn't immediately rescued
Science God Q Alchemy
@Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
Old Man Brendan
I'm okay with this.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
:heart_eyes:
Science God Q Alchemy
I missed half this book but I think I'm still keeping up
Old Man Brendan
I dated a trapeze artist. Muscles are a good thing.
Science God Q Alchemy
I don't know if that speaks well or poorly of the book.
gellaho
We've entered the meaningless events portion of the book
Science God Q Alchemy
AKA, the whole book
Chickenfoot
It's kinda like an episode of CSI you can just hop in halfway through and know what's happening
Old Man Brendan
he stuck with the guy going someplace nearby that Frank couldn't follow and not the surprise guest who radically changed what we know of her?
gellaho
Dave's sob story
Science God Q Alchemy
If the hardy boys where any dumber they'd find them by the highway fucking rocks
Chickenfoot
I bet the cops have running bets on when the hardy boys are gonna die
gellaho
Aikido
Chickenfoot
there's just one cop who keeps raking it in because he bets against them dying
gellaho
It's unfortunate that the Hardy Boys are invulnerable to all man-made weapons
Science God Q Alchemy
They have a secondary pool on when he'll die
gellaho
I've only read two of these books, but Joe has exploded 3 times
Science God Q Alchemy
Ever seen the movie unbreakable?
Old Man Brendan
That cop's name? Danklin W. Frixon
Science God Q Alchemy
The hardy boys are secretly invulnerable but don't realize it
It's the only reason they're still alive
gellaho
Joe, the unafraid idiot, decides to nap in his sealed chamber
Old Man Brendan
That's what I'd do.
gellaho
Whaaaaaaa? No
Old Man Brendan
After I looked for 1920s treasure like bearer bonds
This dork built an airtight vault to escape through.
gellaho
Frank figured out that Joe was at one of the two locations
Science God Q Alchemy
How quickly do you think the underpaid writers bash these out?
Old Man Brendan
I could ask my acquaintance, he was writing them around the time this came out.
gellaho
#1 was released in '87, #93 was published '94
Science God Q Alchemy
True but how many writers do they have?
Old Man Brendan
This is gonna be bullshit if Kay's here trying to burn and blow up her own dojo just to get at that sweet vault.
gellaho
Don't worry, the karate lady isn't suspicious. We wouldn't want you to have to keep multiple suspects straight
gellaho
Science God Q Alchemy
They're called soft boiled eggs you bitch
gellaho
These are the moments I savor
Science God Q Alchemy
If joes not dead I'm gonna be pissed
gellaho
Boo, let him die
Science God Q Alchemy
Damn it
gellaho
gellaho
Nunchucks have arrived
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
"a little groggy" you gotta be fuckin with me
Science God Q Alchemy
Nunchucks seem like the worst weapon to me
Like it's a club but worse
gellaho
Or "nanchaku" if you are a dweeb
GDC
These are STREET nunchucks
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
remember in TMNT2 when mikey used sausage links as nunchucks? I do
gellaho
"Frank decided to trip his nearly dead brother"
Science God Q Alchemy
"into the meat grinder, dick"
gellaho
Lok, fuck you Joe
gellaho
What a fight
gellaho
Alright, Kay's a moron
Old Man Brendan
Nunchaku are the dumbest weapon and therefore the 80iest weapon.
GDC
mansplain to me, frank hardy
Science God Q Alchemy
"thick red blood trickled from his head onto the bricks as his breathing became shallow. Frank watched as the light left him, and he gave out one las shuddering breath"
Chickenfoot
i thought the hardy boys were a detective pair not streetfighters
Science God Q Alchemy
Hire to me to write hardy boys cowards
Chickenfoot
this is more like an episode of NCIS than of sherlock holmes
gellaho
What a twist?
Old Man Brendan
There are a million post-nuke cyborg Rambos, but only one Hardy series.
The complete Hardy Boys seems like a great way to train an AI to churn out books.
Science God Q Alchemy
So wait, is statutory on their done or to do list?
Old Man Brendan
This gang of 19-year-olds does extortion and blackmail schemes.
Science God Q Alchemy
What about tax fraud?
Old Man Brendan
In a town where a strip mall dojo is a threat to local commerce plots.
Science God Q Alchemy
Improper zoning?
gellaho
Frank is a master of all subjects
Old Man Brendan
I just assume most of their to-do list is felching.
gellaho
Apparently the real estate agent who sold the property to Kay is planning on tunneling into a bank
Old Man Brendan
This is the most accurate depiction of hacking in popular media.
gellaho
Seems like you would be easily caught doing that
Old Man Brendan
Joe has a dear heart.
He put someone in the property when he could have easily accessed the secret vault undisturbed. And then planned to get her out of the property.
gellaho
We need to know how many stairs there are, Chet! Don't ask why
gellaho
It doesn't make much sense, does it
Science God Q Alchemy
The first rule of writing hardy boys is no second drafts
Old Man Brendan
Chet's here undermining the entire book.
gellaho
OK, if all this is for $40,000 that would be hilarious
gellaho
This is not important information
Old Man Brendan
Frank is hacking the computer because Frank is the actual criminal mastermind in this electronic heist.
gellaho
Apparently anyone can wander into this karate studio and it's secret vault
gellaho
Please kill these children
Old Man Brendan
All the Hardy Boys' problems would be solved if they got a permit to carry for Frank.
gellaho
Fuck you, Joe
Science God Q Alchemy
"smith shot joe in the leg"
Alpha Scientist Javo
His dying words were "yeah, I deserved that"
gellaho
Diamonds
gellaho
Sure, Frank
gellaho
Stop teasing me with Joe's death
gellaho
Once again, all danger has been averted
Old Man Brendan
Now the secret within a secret has a secret.
The engineering on this shit...
gellaho
And it comes out... somewhere
gellaho
Airtight proof there, Frank
gellaho
"Listen, I'm tired of writing this book. The criminal isn't going to run away just because, OK?"
gellaho
gellaho
I'm sure he has some unfinished business
Don't worry about it
Just die, Joe
Old Man Brendan
Frank's the kind of civilian to tell 911 that the guy who just aimed a gun at home and set explosive charges "should be considered armed and dangerous."
gellaho
gellaho
And this garbage joke is how it ends
gellaho
What part of that was "Gang War!"
Old Man Brendan
Does Callie get a say in this rectitude?
gellaho
Does it surprise you that they didn't bother asking her opinion?
Science God Q Alchemy
I think they come up with the descriptions before the book is written
gellaho
Wasn't expecting a diamond heist and half a dozen explosions
Old Man Brendan
Conrad Daye is in prison for trying to slash a woman because he promised he would if using her as a hostage didn't prove that he didn't hurt a woman.
gellaho
You also knew it wasn't going to be the teenage arcade gang-leader, so there was only one suspect
gellaho
I guess he has a 1-2 year sentence for kidnapping and attempted murder
Old Man Brendan
He could get his GED in prison and come out college-ready.
gellaho
The Book Cage is satiated once again
Djonin Foxman
Oh boy I’ve got a huge amount of content waiting for me to read after the fact in my nice warm bed
Old Man Brendan
Your book cage is a thing of beauty.
Djonin Foxman
I am fond of the bat
HAWKE WROTE A STAR TREK NOVEL?!
gellaho
Joe Hardy fills me with too much rage for sleeping
gellaho
He wrote a couple
GDC
Go to Book Jail, Joe Hardy.
gellaho
But of course, he got Star Trek #69
I'm assuming he somehow turns Captain Kirk into a cyborg
And there's a gangster named Marco Italiano
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
from now on I'm going to refer to 69-ing as The Patrian Transgression
gellaho
they go back to that mob planet from TOS
is what I'm guessing
gellaho
valid
sensitive New Age jakesy
Kirk was a good captain until he died. Then he became even better