gellaho
Ah, here it is
![](https://gellaho.com/rails/active_storage/blobs/redirect/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaHBBanNlIiwiZXhwIjpudWxsLCJwdXIiOiJibG9iX2lkIn19--117650d297bffb23dfa9ad4ecf8a74e79e3e0391/IMG_20211008_192505__01.jpg)
Ah, here it is
Everybody knows that
They don't know how to make metals. They don't know about soap or showers. They don't know what "project" means. But they sure as fuck know that elves drink blood.
Murderous unicorns, could you imagine
SO. WACKY.
Rory, not cool
Goth elves
I guess Hawke wandered into Hot Topic
Could have tried a little on the name
"I am Alice Placeholder"
Lesbian goth elf
Vegetarian lesbian goth elf
We got a few hundred thousand of those here in LA
Thank God, she knows something
Plot? What's this doing here? Throw it away before it stains something.
THE INSURANCE MONEY
Of course!
Don't worry, back to the selling the Swiss army knives
What is this madness
Oh thank god. My heart was going too fast.
I'm going to stalk George Lucas and ask for his forgiveness for all the jokes I made about the trade federation
Oh yes, I have been searching for a good thing. I can sell good things to money people
We must be 90% through this book
Hawke started an open world survival/crafting game and never left the first meadow
Pamela is going to build another time machine
It took several pages to get there
I'm glad Pamela assumes he's out there somewhere and didn't, y'know, disintegrate himself
And now, more of this
You're going to lecture a character about interrupting the narrative flow, Simon?
Goddammit, he did it again
We should be keeping a tally
He's taken to just knocking this wizard out
which makes me wonder why he's doing it in the first place
Maybe he's having a nervous breakdown
So, these two fucked. Then talk like this for a while
Yeah, no. She made him cry. Ugly cry. He loved it.
So they're going to get married. Then Simon Hawke lies about being a prude
lol
So now, the characters know what we knew at the end of the last book
Does that mean the book's over?
Wait, what was Mac trying to do? Was he hired to kill someone or was he just wandering?
he's supposed to capture the three dudes that found the time machine
that's what assassins do, right?
ohhhh
yeah, totally
Boy, oh, boy
You don't get to be cute this far into book 2, Simon
A rapid tattoo on a pair of bongos
the fuck does that mean
Hahaha
What@the fuck
...?
????
This is the Dennis Miller chapter
She came over like a rapid tattoo on a pair of bongos at the oingo boingo, babe
She rapped on those cha-chas like Kazagoogoo at Happy Honda Days, beb
Oh, good. I was gett turned around by this rapid plot development
An honest to god multiple page soap pitch
Did Hawke found WikiHow?
I'm counting that soap pitch as a lecture for my tally
Colin is investigating the mystery we already understand
I don't get the purpose of this character. Unless he leads to getting the new time machine built. But Pamela is doing that
Simon Hawke is a prude
Naked girl escapes the hospital
The important thing is that he could have had sex with the hospitalized girl, but chose not to
Naked girl somehow ends up in his car
Hawke's horny is trying to take over his action center
His lap was full of girl huh
Quite the adventure
Well, he's destined for prison
This is the description I skipped
Dammit, Simon
Hahaha classic
Has he written one book where he doesn't do that?
βShe probably legal, but maybe not huh π₯°ππβ
I think he avoided the jailbait in Psychodrome 2. Kind of.
Here's a list of names planning a revolution at the Stealers Tavern
Better late than never
And now they all learn about shampoo?
Nah, he took the three with the bounty and Shannon
Not a lot of the supposed main character in this book
lol
Even Hawke isn't sure what to do with him
And now: poetry
There's your second tattoo, @jakesy (unbreaded)
Some lip action from the main man
And the return of the gun
And the plan to shoot the dragon
Coming fast and loose with the lips
"You can thank me, Brewster. With your lips."
Hardy har har
haha
I'll allow it
I love that these people have to know exactly half the English language for so many of these jokes to make sense.
All that business setup so that Mac could steal the peddlar's horse
Haha fuck you, peddler!
"Eat shiiiIIIIIIIT!"
Mac gets there in time to see the dragon, so the peddlar thing was entirely worthless
Dragon attack, well overdue, has gotten cold on the drive to us
Gun time
That was easy
And now we learn about tissue damage and orthopedic surgery
Guns are magic
They make bad things go away
The
End. As Simon Hawke outlines all the plots he fails to resolve
Hawke, you utter bastard
I desperately hope he never wrote the third book
:HellApe:
He did
FUCK
It took him about four years, so maybe he put some more work into it
You know goddamn well he didn't
But there's no fourth book, right?
So something might actually happen in the third?
R-right?
The Inadequate Adept has been defeated
There is no fourth book
So concludes this edition of The Book Cage
Thanks @gellaho ! That was insane
Thanks @gellaho
Great work @gellaho, honestly some if the worst bullshit you've brought us