FancyShark
"Huh. Ink's still fresh on these. You must've read them recently."
16: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #72: Screamers Franklin W. Dixon
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When crime rises to new heights, you'd better be ready to rise to the challenge!
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gellaho
Comptellit
hot beige jakesy
Lol again
gellaho
Fucking what
FancyShark
lol
"You idiots will believe anything so why should I bother trying?"
gellaho
This girl seems a little unstable
FancyShark
Frank, you're not allowed to lecture on handling evidence.
gellaho
I didn't think we'd go here
hot beige jakesy
At least they're smart enough to figure out Paulette is full of shit
FancyShark
The moral: don't mansplain to a suspect.
hot beige jakesy
Watch this somehow the PI father is going to pull strings at the station and get them out of jail
gellaho
They just happen to be cops that saw them at the precinct
gellaho
It's the class subversion, but for false claims of assault this time
FancyShark
That was a complex legal strategy on the Hardy's part
gellaho
Then the police leave them together
gellaho
What does Paulette think she's going to do with those letters
If not giving them to the police
FancyShark
Obviously she's going to hand them over to someone more knowledgeable on police procedure, like a private investigator
gellaho
What the fuck is happening
FancyShark
"Haha, false accusations are great for laughs!"
gellaho
Subtle
FancyShark
"And...uh, don't look at 'Finances', boys. Just...no need to do that."
gellaho
This more of an anti-ransom note
hot beige jakesy
I love that there's just an internet bulletin board that only the kidnappers and Paulette use
gellaho
I think it's because you are children, Joe
John, Grand Master of the Arena
How can they be sure the kidnappers really have her if they didn't electronically mail a toe?
FancyShark
It's the early 90's. I don't think they have the bandwidth for toes yet.
John, Grand Master of the Arena
They had 24 hours, but it took 20 hours to upload a 6Kb text file, so they're really cutting things close.
hot beige jakesy
I'll bet you a million internet dollars Kareem Addar came about because the writer saw Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and was like yeah this is a good name but how do I copy it without looking sus
gellaho
They're going to search stores to find those masks, sure
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Good thing they'll find the goon there replacing his torn mask.
FancyShark
"Hi! Can you tell us where to find masks of black people?"
gellaho
The costume shop wasn't the first and only store you checked?
FancyShark
You don't seem very committed to this, Frank
gellaho
Mission Impossible masks
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Look, we already checked the grocery store, the liquor store, and the gas station. What are the odds they'll have masks here?
FancyShark
They had mo-cap in the early 90's?
gellaho
I think the dude just told you the connection to the museum is, Joe.
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I love that they have this complicated explanation for how the masks work, but forgot that heads have bones.
Joe you absolute moron.
Mask making machine in a museum? But I don't have school today.
FancyShark
Was there a worry they'd get sued for infringement? It's the Museum of Science and Technology, not Disneyworld
gellaho
The rich dude found them and is talking about radical computing
FancyShark
My idea is a college girl. What do you think?
gellaho
You know how much money college students have
hot beige jakesy
Most computer nerds only care about 0s and 1s, but the radical nerds started experimenting with 2s
gellaho
Easily setting up helicopter kidnappings
John, Grand Master of the Arena
How can I billionaire owner of a computer corporation, travel agency, and TV stations win a fight against a couple not-men?
FancyShark
I am but a powerless observer, children of a PI that was only hired to lecture in my building.
gellaho
I think Kareem figured you guys would know that he knows about the screamers if he's making a report about it
FancyShark
Conrad definitely insists people call him Darth Seethus. But they don't. They never do.
gellaho
They're looking at the video of the crime. This is the flimsiest evidence I've ever seen
FancyShark
The only other bald person in Chicago
hot beige jakesy
There's no way there are more than two Balds around here
gellaho
I was skipping over these, but it keeps happening
gellaho
gellaho
FancyShark
Okay, real talk, I can't blame them for this. They're in Chicago. It's a crime if you don't go out to eat.
GDCommando!
That's probably what I'd be doing if I was in chicago, honestly.
gellaho
A 63 year old who was a confidant of a college girl. Cool
John, Grand Master of the Arena
That's true. But those are the most generic descriptions possible. “I'm hungry, let's eat. They did.”
gellaho
He also lives on a houseboat
FancyShark
Ah, so he can bask in the aroma of Lake Michigan
A body of water that only seems like it should be flammable
gellaho
Looking like an excessive number of people know about this virus and how to make it work
gellaho
Considering it threatens the existence of their fancy network, why would they (A) want to buy it or (B) use it
FancyShark
"Evans disagreed, calling the virus 'a holy thing' and its use 'a moral imperative'"
FancyShark
They went on to found Weyland-Yutani and Umbrella Inc
gellaho
Still not sure this makes a whole lot of sense, but ok
gellaho
Explosion #2
gellaho
Or a gunshot, I guess
FancyShark
Damn, when did this get exciting?
gellaho
Clumsy assassin
John, Grand Master of the Arena
In case the automatic gunfire didn't tip you off, we need help!
gellaho
Goddammit, just let Joe die
GDCommando!
Man, always get a feel for a cars handling before you need to make a getaway after a shooting
FancyShark
Especially in Chicago traffic
gellaho
Jesus, Joe is a moron
FancyShark
It's called the Museum of Science and Industry now, but they won't sue you for this. It's okay to use their real name!
gellaho
You can name real computers and scientists, buddy
hot beige jakesy
A yes man, programmed to say yes, man
gellaho
They won't sue, and you might teach the kids something
FancyShark
Joe, when chasing someone, it's a good idea to not get distracted by shinies
gellaho
Excuse me
gellaho
Working coal mine. In a museum.
FancyShark
what
"Yeah, the black lung lawsuits are a pain, but cool huh?"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Joe jumped down an elevator shaft <cheering>
But he lived <crying>
GDCommando!
Wait is there an actual coal seam under the museum still?
gellaho
So, I should mention that they found coal residue in the helicopter. I don't know why that is included in the book, though, because he's already out of the fake coal mine
gellaho
I don't know why you'd put that in the book
Seems like an unnecessary complication
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Chicago, famously in coal country
gellaho
Why is this old computer scientist in the museum at night
hot beige jakesy
So joe came in his pants and then met an underground programming troll who lives in the mine?
What in Tarnation
FancyShark
He's there to ask the curator if he can suck on her toes, per his seduction teacher Don Diebel
gellaho
Legitimately don't understand any of this
GDCommando!
Turns out this guy is a Cybermonk, and Joe Hardy is about to meet Dennis Rodman.
FancyShark
If this turns into a Seanbaby story, I will forgive everything we've witnessed
gellaho
I think Joe has lost his mind
FancyShark
What's this about earlobes?
Was that a plot point?
hot beige jakesy
Like are they saying tugging your earlobe is a murder tell?
Like some teddy kgb shit?
gellaho
So that guy who lived in the houseboat said that the rich dude had been murdered
FancyShark
No, Fenton. Murdered and he's fine.
gellaho
So the earlobe thing is implying that the old guy is pretending to be the rich guy
Maybe
FancyShark
hmm
gellaho
I can't get over these Mission: Impossible masks
hot beige jakesy
Hahaha ohhhhh the earlobe thing checks out now
gellaho
Joe, having survived explosions and gunfire, is concerned about lunch
FancyShark
Yeah, yeah. Murder conspiracy and IEDs. I'm craving a reuben.
gellaho
Every character is insane
gellaho
The lot of them should be in prison
hot beige jakesy
Paulette hasn't told the truth once
There's a new story every time she shows up
Like just arrest her and call it a day at this point
FancyShark
She's still more likable than any of the Hardy's
gellaho
💥
GDCommando!
Lying to make Joe Hardy go away is extremely relatable.
hot beige jakesy
I mean sure
Haha every computer is a bomb now
This is how computers work
GDCommando!
It's like they're on the bridge of the Enterprise.
gellaho
Say bye to Paulette again
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Frank just keeps black cat firecrackers in his pocket and lights them to make Joe shut up. Joe is such an idiot he thinks it's a bomb every time.
FancyShark
Don't call the cops or firefighters! That'll just hack the courts and fire hydrants!
FancyShark
Joe never fully came back from Vietnam...somehow
gellaho
I legitimately don't really understand what is going on
gellaho
Is the receptionist in on it, then?
hot beige jakesy
Yessssss eyepatch guy
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Joe is the type to either spit on veterans or anti-war protestors. Probably both.
gellaho
I guess she is
FancyShark
Don't try throwing sexy talk like "foursome" around now, book
gellaho
The guy who's behind it kidnapped you in his office
gellaho
Flawless plan
FancyShark
Literally everyone would want the power of the biggest computer company on Earth. But, sure, Bruno's nearby
gellaho
WHY DOES HE WANT THE VIRUS THAT EXPLODES COMPUTERS
gellaho
He is in a software and networking company. They need people to have computers
hot beige jakesy
Yeah so they can BLOW THEM UP
FancyShark
Ooo! Does he point out how the Hardy Boys are not so different from him?
hot beige jakesy
And then SELL them MORE COMPUTERS
gellaho
They're going to blow up their dad
FancyShark
So Laird committed multiple acts of terrorism rather than point out that his boss was a lunatic that shouldn't be allowed to run the company?
gellaho
There is a ton of evidence pointing to the company being responsible for these explosions
FancyShark
Wait. THE SEMINAR'S STILL ON?!
gellaho
They've brought everyone to the museum to blow them up
gellaho
gellaho
I feel like you can't get away with crimes this flamboyant
FancyShark
The St Valentine's Day Massacre didn't attract the kind of attention this would
hot beige jakesy
Yeah someone is going to eventually ask why all these computers by Evanco are exploding
gellaho
FancyShark
Ahh, the janitor's huffin' closet
gellaho
I still don't know what they're getting out of all this murder
hot beige jakesy
The insurance money
Is always the nonsense answer for these types of things
gellaho
Disarm the computer
hot beige jakesy
Hahaha you mean unplug it
Joe gets it
FancyShark
They're blowing up a museum to settle a computer company's internal dispute over selling a virus
gellaho
In what universe
GDCommando!
and how.
hot beige jakesy
Hahahah
FancyShark
lol, awesome
hot beige jakesy
Metal cords and no outlets, like all safe computers are wired
gellaho
~~Cut the red wire~~ Hit the four key!
FancyShark
Something I'm sure a museum loved having installed
John, Grand Master of the Arena
If only they had one, nay two, computer geniuses with them.
gellaho
They're comfy under their blankets
FancyShark
hahahaha, they put a pause command in the murder-program?
gellaho
Those old computers used to run on gasoline, you know
FancyShark
Windows Vista by Michael Bay
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I've lost count of the explosions in this book.
hot beige jakesy
Must have packed these computers full of fruit purée sours
What's the deal with people thinking that non-explosive things can be taught to explode
gellaho
Paulette is a goddamn psychopath
gellaho
She's also rented a helicopter?
FancyShark
"God, Paulette, I can't believe I have to explain the sanctity of human life to you again"
gellaho
Is this guy a Bond villain? Why is he doing this?
gellaho
How many people at this company are involved in this terrorism?
gellaho
hot beige jakesy
@Children Love The Jetski Kid tagging you here for the first mention of the proto-Robonic Virus
gellaho
And, they're fine
FancyShark
Best way to keep people from uncovering your criminal doings is to make a helicopter crash on a Chicago skyscraper
gellaho
Well, they got to the seminar
gellaho
Lol
FancyShark
Jesus
gellaho
I guess the computer just decided to explode anyway
GDCommando!
As they are ready to do at a moment's notice, apparently.
FancyShark
What's the body count from the computer bombs? Is it just Paulette?
hot beige jakesy
It was all fuck Paulette
FancyShark
Son of a
gellaho
She's fine though. I mean, that other explosion destroyed a museum but whatever
gellaho
Sure
FancyShark
...
gellaho
And it would exit through the monitor
For some reason
FancyShark
Electricity is the same as hose water, right?
gellaho
Yeah, Paulette you should probably be going to jail
GDCommando!
Big time.... terrorism?
gellaho
You should all be in prison. For so many reasons
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Only a few dozen people know about these viruses, so if we delete them they can never come back, right guys?
FancyShark
Did we mention the legality concerning viruses, and how the company totally had a plan to circumvent federal laws to get rich selling a bomb virus?
Oh shit. Paulette founded EA
gellaho
Huh?
gellaho
He was blackmailed by... somebody for...something
And he had to work under a fake name for... reasons
FancyShark
Nazis? Is it nazis?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I want to point out this bullshit at the end would have been a better book than the one we got.
FancyShark
Agreed
gellaho
Why did he find it irresistible?
gellaho
That's the question you have to answer
That's literally his motivation
FancyShark
I know I look forward to impersonating people I know well.
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Does this mean Joe got his ass handed to him by an old man at the beginning of the book?
If so, I'm on board.
gellaho
But, fuck you, reader! It's over!
FancyShark
Haha, that museum won't reopen for decades!
gellaho
Oh, memories
hot beige jakesy
Lol he wanted to drum up more mask business
gellaho
I have defeated Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #72: Screamers!
FancyShark
Well @gellaho , thank you for another great readalong. And thank you @John, Grand Master of the Arena @GDCommando! @hot beige jakesy and @Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone; you're all awesome and hilarious
John, Grand Master of the Arena
It's the sign of a good mystery writer when every character acts suspiciously for no reason except to make them seem like a suspect.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh my god the author literally called the book "screamers" first then tried to fenagle a reason it's called that into the story
that's why the exploding computers are called that
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I'm annoyed it was never explained why the computers scream before they explode.
FancyShark
I think it was supposed to be the energy buildup?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I guess. I had just hoped it would be something that didn't sound like it was from an Amish person's fever dream.
Either way, thanks for another great evening @gellaho and everyone else who was here tonight.
FancyShark
See anyone on Sunday at 6pm Eastern that wants to see "Winky Lost in the Rockies". Otherwise, have a good weekend!
gellaho
I'm still not clear on why that guy wouldn't make all of the money from his magical mask technology. Rather than use it for a kidnapping
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I'm not clear why the guy with the magic mask technology, which he used to commit crimes, put that on display at a museum.
FancyShark
Did they have just a couple computers blow up and level that wing of the museum, or did he have trucks just stacking computers outside and running on a generator?
gellaho
I think the explanation was the oily rags
That's not a good explanation, but it's what you get
FancyShark
More explanation than the answers for your questions. Dude could have set up a military contract for those masks and retired decades earlier.
gellaho
I love that they went from this mystery about explosions, billion dollar companies, and terrorism to a mystery about counterfeit rap CDs
And the one about the white rapper is the one with murder
FancyShark
Oh dang. Did you guys cover that one already?
gellaho
And ninjas with broadswords
gellaho
Hell yeah. It's the first Hardy Boys I did
FancyShark
Nice! Gotta do some scrolling then
gellaho
I mean, it's art
FancyShark
That's pure Miami Connection
hot beige jakesy
Yes indeed this was a good time as always
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the main thing I remember about Bad Rap is how Joe spends a lot of the book trying to convince everyone around him he's not gay for Randy failing spectacularly
gellaho
The best thing about that book is that every single chapter ends with a cliffhanger that is immediately resolved by the next page
Greg
The main thing I remember is them bouncing between the same three locations and so many trips didn't advance the plot in any way or serve any purpose
gellaho
"oh no! Frank got pushed in front of a train!"
"no he didn't"
Greg
And they always make the death sound so inescapable
gellaho
Randy Randy's room number was 420
It's great
Greg
"The gunman pressed the shotgun into Frank's back and pulled the trigger with tremendous blast"
"Frank did karate to get away"
GDCommando!
Thank you for this. I hope this book dies in book jail.
Children Love The Jetski Kid
Did the virus do things no computer can do, like transmit itself over outlets into non-electronic electrics?
gellaho
It made computers explode
Children Love The Jetski Kid
Classic hAxX0r
hot beige jakesy
The author assumed we didn't know anything about electronics so the explanation was like “the volts are supercharging the circuit breaker and the transformer explodes!”
Also depending on how long you were gone, you missed that JD Masters is bros with George RR Martin
gellaho
Yeah. Saved his life apparently
gellaho
Full of surprises