Simon Hawke's going Hollywood! Wyrdrune returns to America, and there's a killer on the loose! Again! Will Billy Slade, the teen possessed by Merlin get a film deal? Will Kira become addicted to fame and fortune and go out in a downward spiral of drugs? Will Wyrdrune go to the "Big Wizard Shows" depicted on the cover? Look forward to none of these questions, as we read The Wizard of Sunset Strip this Friday, 5pm eastern.
@Brockway the only way to dodge the incoming lightning shanking is by pinning this comment.
It really feels like Hawke is regretting the apocalyptic angle with how little of society was destroyed
Simon Hawke follows his muse. Setting is but a suggestion
But, seriously, is "Wizard" some kind of slang for tits that I don't know
Everyone who sees the show agrees that what those ladies do is magic
Maybe she's warning everyone about the man who transformed her into that billboard.
I'm curious what movies are popular in a society where magic is real and commonplace
pinned messages
.
Was the last Wizard book the one that fuckin ruled?
Yeah it was. Simon got thirsty as fuck in it too
A little under an hour until * The Wizard of Sunset Strip*. Here's the preview
Friggin sweet
You forgot the part where they teased he was Deadpool for ages only to reveal it was Frank. Which--at that point...is it?
And also Thanos's adoptive dad.
Comics are crazy, man.
Now who's ready to magic the dickens out of this 19th C. England?
Hell yes
Also, howdy, Brendan!
Are we sending Dickens somewhere?
It's the Sunset Strip in the future, but sure
Do I get a vote on where?
Hollywood
Oh.
That makes more sense, honestly
Time to begin
Get your radical hotdogs ready
Is necromancy the generic name for evil magic here?
My radical hot dog is as ready as it can ever be.
It's not really clear
But it's probably safe to assume it is
We start with a "streetboarder" eating all the shit
Andy Kindler Broom, how's it going
I had relatives who talked like that.
I didn't know you were part broom
But, and I have to be clear here, never about skateboarding.
A little over a page to get lips
HI SHARK
Part mop, really.
this british punk sucks but he looks like he doesn't suck. He looks like Bebop before he became a warthog.
That's right, technology is gone, but LAX endures
I feel like Bebop would not see the point in magically enchanting a knife.
He worked for Shredder.
I did not expect a warlock series set in a world without technology to include this many airplanes crucial to the plot.
Technology is not gone. This is a post-post apocalyptic world that was resurrected by magic
Feels like Wyrdrune is already getting pushed out of his own book.
You can tell who's description Hawke cared more about
Simon's Type #2
The tough fallen angel from New York.
After the last book, I'm wondering if we need to start keeping a tally
1.
Meanwhile, Billy Slade gets a whole lot of questionable description. Including the return of "tatterdemalion"
Ah, the Heinz 57 Minority
Look, the author is going to make us care about this kid if it kills us.
Props to Hawke. I thought Billy's hairstyle was one that didn't get invented until the past decade
In case you forgot
Hurray for magic!
And all that magic still can't stop you from shooting a mage in the head
Transition time
I'm not entirely sure how humanity survived this long into a world where fundamental physics and chemistry no longer worked, and honestly it was probably entirely unnecessary to make the back story that complicated.
But the important thing is WOOOO MAGIC!
Ben regrets his "always swipe right" policy
Like, science and technology aren't vital forces, they're tools making use of various fundamental constants in our reality. Bringing magic back probably doesn't need to just erase those, because that's insane.
Dumb trope.
Harlan Bates and Benjamin Slater
Huh. Just noticed. City of the Angels.
They had to add a 'the' because magic.
Well, "Los" does mean "the"
Los Angeles Police Department: Famous for its good relationship with the press.
Sensing some unspoken desire in Slater's description
Corrupt cops?! In LA?!
Hawke, I promise you. I don't even need to look this up, but you should have.
Feels like it's on Merlin for not coming back earlier and just providing us with unlimited clean energy.
If the senior cops hate you, the patrol cops hate you too.
He had to be released by a farmer trying to chop down the tree he was encased in
Everyone knows that's how you free wizards.
This is just a description of what all journalists do. Even shitty papers don't burn a source. There are levels of unofficially, anonymous, off-the record.
Check the redhead box
What if I'm a maverick who plays by his own rules but goddamit I get results?
Leggy, but unbearably cute.
Will Reginald Veljohnson root for me then?
Mavericks tend to get real cops killed.
I have no idea of this character. She's barely sketched out. This is why men shouldn't write women. How am I to envision her when he hasn't even described her breasts?
Which is why they tend to get made detective when they're good at their job otherwise.
There's not a real cop on this force. Half are on the take, the other half are scared of the first half. Scared to take a risk. But not me. I carry a gun and a bible and a badge. My name is Serpico. Milhouse Serpico.
I'm guessing giant bird attack
Bing bong
Unbearably cute female police captain who's the youngest on the force.
Merlin also shattered the glass ceiling.
Nobody spoke to her in a contraction followed by the full form of the verb? That's because it's weird.
Harpies and faeries? Listen, bub, tell it to the post. I've got a magical police force to run.
Slater knows all about wounds from his time writing for the paper
I'd like to offer you an agreement to use your life story as the basis for a movie franchise where we use everything except your first name and also you get a centaur for a partner.
Becky is not a fan of Bates and Slater's bromance
Oh hey, Rebecca is a real cop
Okay, so she's already demonstrating that she deserves her rank.
I assume this will be treated as a personality flaw.
I would like for it not to be, but I assume it will.
The magic of film
I feel like magic could be used so much better here?
Is it weirdly limited in this setting in ways that are profoundly arbitrary?
The nerd sorcerers that critique special effects have got to be just the worst
Bright 2: Brighter
Or did Hawke just want to get this scene out of the way.
I ship Bates and Slater, or "Bater" to real fan-fic stans
"Masterful Bater" to the hardcore fans
There's my horny Simon
This book would have benefited from a copy editor. Or even a Find/Replace
50 Slates of Bate
I have never seen breasts gyrate.
I don't understand the point of putting rock in quotation marks.
And I'm almost certain that I don't want to.
The scene's very well shot, but it's still a weird adaptation of Glengarry Glenross
It's paper mache.
For reasons.
You've been going to the wrong go-go clubs then.
A prop made of paper mache I guess.
Ah, I missed the section where it explained that.
Apparently.
Not quite lat measurements, but close
Oh hey, my centaur partner
Oh, there's the magic they could have used for this entire scene.
Yeah. He's pretty straightlaced.
The captain wants him to be a good restraint on you, and also wants you to help loosen him up.
Chiton & O'Leary: Myth Cops
Whiteface is a real problem in Hollywood
It's funny because Merlin was almost as bad at wizarding as Gandalf outside TH White world.
this the type of club you go to?
Paul Dano's in everything
Merlin saw the future with perfect clarity but missed the part where the obviously evil witch he was engaged in an improper relationship with would imprison him forever.
are they dead? That doesn't look functioning
I assume everyone involved died horribly.
Special effects adepts are destroying the practical effects industry
Legally, we can't answer that
Gandalf the White on his bridge, brandishing a power staff at the Balrog: "You shall not pass I already called 9-1-1!"
Fuck yeah, practical effects for life!
Thank you for indulging my joke that he wasn't still Grey
Don't remember who came up with it but Gandalf was obviously a thief with a lot of points in use magical device.
Too many points, which explains why he sucks at unlocking doors and sneaking.
Those damned Hollyweird accountants
CGI = CinaumaturGIcal
The Collapse removed their ability to fix things in post
I don't know why he'd charge so much for lighting effects.
Spell components. DM's a stickler
He can summon a giant monster illusion.
Is this before the cantrip rule came into play?
I have to keep reminding people of this, but not everybody can use magic It also takes a lot of effort
Hawke sold the movie rights for 10% of profit. Unfortunately, the producer was a dragon who hid most of the gold in his lair.
Ah, right.
Can you remind Hawke?
He just said he was tired after summoning the demon
Hawke swears by 2nd ed
That seems like a bad spell. Summon a demon, leave yourself weak
Khasim is doing special effects work for a quest
Didn't see that part, but that does make sense. Will bear in mind going forward.
I mean, people want to be in Hollywood.
Maybe I want the demon to find me laid out vulnerable.
Why wouldn't a wizard?
Good thing magic is strenuous and no one has constant surveillance scrying
His quest is for an Oscar for special effects.
And it would be nice if he could get a nomination for best supporting actor.
"Oh dear, I seem to be unable to move. Somehow I've been tied down to this altar."
<sigh> "Look, buddy, just tell me how much your soul's worth."
Ron Rydell mob financed independent filmmaker
God dammit I need to get home so I can participate
You know that mob, loving to invest in artistic enterprises where there's almost no possibility of being paid back.
If you can't trust the mob...
Kid, if you're not dead already you're being used to launder money.
You're fine. Keep it up.
Ron's going to have to make so many round trips to Columbia
This is why my girlfriend's always putting on lipstick when the UPS tracking says she's expecting a package, isn't it?
It's an insurance scheme!
IT'S ALWAYS THE INSURANCE MONEY!
The g d insurance money
Rydell used Modred's services as a hitman in the past. Now he is the Lip King
Lip action
Modred is proposing an Argo
"It's 'Corn Hole' and you know it, Rydell"
Wait, his movies are still failing at the box office?
looks through this all again
Lips are so moist all over right now
Or should I call you...Dancetyger? It has been so very long since your mad hot steps illuminated the discotheque.
Very well, I'll be brief. I'm looking for someone to put it ALL ON THE LINE for a dance scholarship.
Nah, he's making necromancersploitation films
I won't lie to you; your heart will not be your own by the end of this mission. You may lose loved ones. But it will be worth it to find the courage to LIVE YOUR DREAM.
Necromancersploitation is either the best possible movie genre or the worst.
Alright, dammit, I'm in. But we're going to need a team.
"I mean, it's probably not. Do you know how much movies cost?"
I've got bad news re: cracked alum book titles
https://www.amazon.com/Curse-Necromancer-Supernatural-Suspense-Thriller/dp/B0992TMT8Z/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?crid=T3RL7FBSH0HJ&keywords=ian+fortey+books&qid=1649454616&sprefix=ian+fortey%2Caps%2C132&sr=8-7
I wonder what Night of the Living Dead would have been like in this universe.
It wiped out Iowa
I assume it involved the loss of most of Pennsylvania to the man now known as The Night Walker, but once called George Romero.
Modred seems confident in this man that is deeply in debt
About the same. The Collapse happened in the 21st century, and magic didn't come back for another century after that
Oh.
The setting is confusing, but that's the way of Hawke
I'll give you Fortey's two cents for it.
Dang, but also pretty weirdly cool?
I did not get the impression that this was taking place in the 2200s after a century of societal collapse and basic apocalypse.
That's right, you weren't with us for Steele. We're used to this.
A VIP for the BOT
Dammit, Gorman!
I still posit these books are in sequence.
Anyway, with 25 million dollars I could turn out probably a decent arthouse film. Make most of it back on the indie circuit, maybe get some hype going for our next project.
That's why fanfic exists, friend.
@FancyShark here's your conservative outfit
Thank you. Was getting nervous
Silk jabot
People who left high paying senior private roles for field agent work?
That's the least believable part of this.
Nice to know he's dressing casual
Lip smorgasbord
Is he actually wearing a coat, because I think Dracula's cape actually got described?
Or he's a German from the 19th century.
He only speaks with a British accent to Gorman. It's how they flirt.
Someone's got me in a box here
That's just me on board days
"That's not at all off-putting"
"I'm thinking of starting a company with my name"
So far the three pupils of Merlin we know are (1) Wyrdrune, (2) a guy who tried to end the world and, (3) a guy he named Death
Not a great track record
Wait, shit, I'm thinking of Theranos
Who names the class clown Death? That's the most metal way to respond
Necromancy: Maximum Terror
Slater, asking the tough questions
All necromancer movies are snuff films. They just end with the victim getting back up.
Joke time
Ha ha
They still make movies but they don't have Oscars.
Oh, those Hollywood types.
Magic sounds like hell
Probably has something to do with a train crash
Ooh, I can start drinking now that he's done Pratchett But Worse again.
Have you tried fireballs?
Fireballs solve most problems.
Also, I can't believe they didn't keep records of what an Oscar was.
But did keep a copy of Ray Charles's New York State of Mind.
Classic fake movie trap
Pratchett did that entire book on movies encroaching on Discworld. This is going to get sloppy
Mrgh.
Yeah, the Oscar bit was right from Moving Pictures.
I hope this is sufficiently different to not make me constantly wish I was reading that instead.
But I'm sure it won't be.
This will likely be more violent and sexual
Old man Modred
And yet all the real power in movies is in the San Fernando valley
Funny story, the last Abbott and Costello movie came out around 60 years ago.
This was a dated reference when Hawke wrote this book.
Merlin does not like the Mouse
I can't remember if Modred is supposed to be another arthurian character whose name he's spelling wrong.
I do think that was the joke
I'll calibrate my expectations accordingly.
He is and it turns out that's the correct spelling
Probably, yes.
It's easy to miss some things when the world building is so dense.
He's the bastard inbred son of King Arthur and Morgan Le Fay
... Dude, Disney adapted the White story.
Not very well, though.
And if TH White hadn't written his books, this book would probably never have been made and
Oh.
Ohhhhhh.
I get it now.
I always heard White was okay with it.
Morgan got stuck in the clothesline and Arthur went to help her - oh look! Graham crackers!
They discussed adapting the sequels, after all.
The only clear memory I have of that movie is a horny squirrel.
She was a good squirrel.
The Sunset Strip and it's fabulous billboards
That's actually a good idea
Anyway, Modred is either one of the most genuinely awful people in the western canon or an unlucky bastard who had the bad luck of going against Mr Charisma.
Not a lot of in-between there.
In this series, he's the bad boy of the group
That's a pretty good idea.
I assume he stole it from someone else.
Spago-Pogo
Hey, Rocky. Watch me pull a hooker out of a hat.
I like how with the endless power of magic at their disposal, they decided to make hoverboards finally real.
Simon really likes the term screamers
And stubbornly refuses to explain what they are
Gassing the crowd into submission instead of sending in the riot squad.
LA in the future is so weird.
Brother Khasim and his haunted mission
SFX technicians get enough money to open a mission?
Children of the streets isn't a bad name but it does not need the quotation marks, Hawke.
Jamie opened a frikking evil scientist lair.
This is comparatively modest.
Anyway, there are probably other revenue streams.
From the sound of it, though, he's worth the money.
I'm sure there's just a game room down there
He also gets a lot of donations from the street pimps
Also, if you don't pay he'll kill you horribly, so no one tries to Life of Pi him.
That first spell warding sounds remarkably similar to a lock
There are advantages to being a wizard.