gellaho
Here's your preview for Target Steele
Which tells you fuck all
7: Target Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)
#6 Steele
Tags:
Wanted for Murder: Steele!
Archive
Alpha Scientist Javo
BATTLE RIFLE
Science God Q Alchemy
I love when they use "he swore" after dialogue. Like he said god damn it we get that he's swearing
Djonin Foxman
Oh shit that’s today
Old Man Brendan
I used to get psyched that it was Friday. Now I'm excited that Fridays are Steelesday
gellaho
Curious
Djonin Foxman
Oh now we’re censoring?
gellaho
Not really
Looks like we're starting with Linda Tellerman, TV reporter
Cock Knife Cerril
So wait, can say shit but not *%#@. What was he a pain in?
gellaho
Who knows
So Linda and her cameraman, Andy Steinberg, are meeting up with Steele. As a reminder, people think Steele has gone crazy
gellaho
This is the first real physical description of Steele we've gotten in a while.
gellaho
"Ruggedly handsome"
Old Man Brendan
Tom Brady!
Sir, you are not allowed in this cafe with a hand that is infinite-ammo laser pistol.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Raven is a damn fine looking lady with her hard, cute, child-woman face.
Old Man Brendan
"She looked like a pre-teen, but like a pre-teen who had lived a life that would age a 20-something into a 40-something."
Andy has his cameraman ears all the way to the ground to know about Steele's girlfirend's backstory.
gellaho
Yeah, this is mostly Steele telling this reporter the story of the last book
Old Man Brendan
how many pages of it is eulogy for Ice?
gellaho
RIP Ice
Old Man Brendan
That gang leader used justified force.
Wait the Feds killed Ice??
gellaho
Some rando in a helicopter shot ice
Still weird that the 6 o'clock news is a thing
gellaho
So that's the whole prologue, no mention of the human dick so far
Restraint
But JD remains horny
Old Man Brendan
I'm convinced Stone is based on a coworker that JD had to report to.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Can we talk about raven.
Can we just get the elephant out of the room
Old Man Brendan
I get uncomfortable when we do.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Are we going to see JD try and write a gay character because ok, and also, oh no
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How hard can a man write a lolita fantasy so it appears less creepy without diminishing how creepy it is.
Like, just say she is in her twenties man.
Her hard-bitten childlike face, but so whorish and hard bitten you know, like she knows things. But sweet with it.
gellaho
After three books, JD has decided that now is the time to give Senator Carman characterization
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I quite like that.
Asexual Machiavelli
gellaho
His character is "amoral man"
Old Man Brendan
Carman's office is...at Project Download?
In Steele's world women can't hold power, but they can take it for three hours at a clip.
gellaho
Congress, Project Download, the CIA, and the president are all in the UN building
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I wonder what they serve in the staff canteen
Old Man Brendan
Chips.
It just depends on what your culture means by that: crisps, fries, or micro.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
You probably shouldn't keep the vestiges of government in the same place as your renegade cyborg labs
Old Man Brendan
But then what will he rebel against?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
At least not after civilisation has been wiped out.
gellaho
How can I keep saying sociopath, but use several paragraphs
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Poor risk management
Old Man Brendan
Hawke copied his own description of Carman from the last book. Can we do that for Colt Black? Like write our series with saved Gutenberg blocks?
"Like a shark, but not dangerous" is no way to debut your villain.
gellaho
A double-cross? No!
gellaho
This is how people talk right?
gellaho
He does that with everything, I'm sure I'll get to read the same description for how the apocalypse happened
not actually a Dr Mithritic
In the print era that was probably a neat trick
Old Man Brendan
Even the most dangerous scientesse is ultimately a woman, and prone to tantrums when denied her wishes by a father figure.
...is Higgins dead?
gellaho
Yeah, him and Dev Cooper got murdered at the very end of the last book
It was kind of just thrown away in a line of dialog
Old Man Brendan
Fack, we lost everyone
gellaho
I'm not sure how she gets the credit for murdering Higgins
gellaho
More lip action
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ashes hauled?
Old Man Brendan
Sociopaths mansplaining arachnology to AI devs is my kink, love it.
gellaho
Yeah, I'm not familiar with that phrase either
Old Man Brendan
It's a thing. Not really a Carman thing to say, more of a guys on the docks saying.
gellaho
JD loves women
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Slapping your scientists around is management 101
Old Man Brendan
Stone lost her virginity at 28 and then it goes on the news after an AI tries to blackmail her with it. She will never enjoy a healthy relationship again.
So much for "like a shark, but not prone to violent outbursts."
"Dispassionately, he beat a woman with mathematical precision."
gellaho
So that's slut, prostitute, tramp, porn star
Old Man Brendan
She sounds fun.
"Without me, you're nothing," this guy's playing the abuser's greatest hits.
Science God Q Alchemy
She had sex exactly once in 28 years and she's a slur, steele can't stop stress testing his penis in different women but he's not a slut curiously
gellaho
Why are they still hanging out with Donna
Ice is dead, and now we're just left with Donna
Old Man Brendan
But it was on a camera she didn't know about, so...
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm sorry, here is a very nice red wine
Science God Q Alchemy
Does it bother anyone else the revenge porn is framed as her comeuppance for shitty stuff she did unrelated to fucking?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
So, what's it like on the lam?
Old Man Brendan
Donna did not drink, fearing she would be upset by her dead husband's memories cradling a barely legal sex trafficking victim.
Science God Q Alchemy
God damn it
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Holy shit. Revenge porn is the only prescient bit of sci fi in this.
Old Man Brendan
The two are intertwined, welcome to femininity in America, sorry about all the patriarchy lying around.
Science God Q Alchemy
I think robots with human penises are coming out any year now
gellaho
Raven is 22 now
Old Man Brendan
Well that and uploading your consciousness to the cl-oooops, you guys won't have that till '22.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Eat shit Gibson, masters saw revenge porn coming you hack.
Science God Q Alchemy
Cool, the main characters girlfriend is old enough to drink now
Old Man Brendan
It takes a creep to predict our creepy future.
gellaho
Oh, no. Steele's interview didn't go through
Science God Q Alchemy
I'm only 4 years older than 22 and I don't think I have anything in common with 22 year olds, what does a 40 something robot have in common?
Is this relationship held together by just animal lust?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He wants to fuck her. She doesn't know any better because of trauma?
gellaho
That's how Steele's previous relationship was. And that marriage lasted 20 years
JD loves women
Old Man Brendan
In fairness Steele himself is technically 3.
Science God Q Alchemy
Midlife crisis plus trauma equals good relationship according jd masters, genius
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Age is just a number. Like 16 going on 22
Science God Q Alchemy
That is fair
Old Man Brendan
"I did everything I could to stop them except enact my threat, Steele, believe me."
Science God Q Alchemy
Everyone already knows my interpretation of steele I think
not actually a Dr Mithritic
With 40 year old balls he keeps raving about.
Old Man Brendan
Tracing the call, aw yeah.
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
I spotted it in the wild
Science God Q Alchemy
No
Oh God no
Scum F**k Flamefish
I mean it's new. Of course it'll be out in the wild
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Are book shops open where you are?
Old Man Brendan
@not actually a Dr Mithritic But his pelvic floor is reupholstered with Nysteel.
Science God Q Alchemy
I recognize that, that's the grocery store
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
Even if they were, there aren't any in this town
gellaho
So now we cut to these two random cops discussing Steele
Science God Q Alchemy
We do have a book section in the grocery store though
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
Gotta get your books at the groceey store
gellaho
When all of a sudden, tits
Science God Q Alchemy
If steele was black there would be no argument
Jd masters got bored
Old Man Brendan
Probably another streetwalker getting assaulted for the crime of being unable to have power in this world.
gellaho
Not too far off
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I want to know what he thought Kevin should do about his problematic thoughts
Old Man Brendan
Ice was the only righteous man in this world and it forced him into a gang.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
They're long gone by now, you know how quick rapists are.
Science God Q Alchemy
"went and got herself raped" charming
Old Man Brendan
I hate how well I've internalized The Masters
De facto, you cannot get yourself raped.
gellaho
Gotcha! Fake trick rape
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ah, the old Banzooney rape switch.
Classic.
Old Man Brendan
B-but-but Raven's tits are too small to please a man! Why would the cops help her?
Science God Q Alchemy
The fake rape was risky because the cops might not have cared enough to stop for it.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That's why she needed her tits out I guess.
Old Man Brendan
This is going to pay off badly when next week a real rape victim crawls past these cops and they stay stationary.
Science God Q Alchemy
I guarantee it wouldn't be the first time
not actually a Dr Mithritic
God this has tones already.
Science God Q Alchemy
Simon Hawke could not overcome the darkness in his heart
And head
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm not saying the author is a rapist but I do think his porntube algorithm centres around the word 'choking'
Science God Q Alchemy
And dick
Old Man Brendan
"You're not thinking of bucking the authoritarian order, are you, Kevin? Questioning the narrative, helping prostitutes who have been assaulted, that sort of thing?"
gellaho
You gotta wait until you get all dozen guns these cops carry before fixing your shirt
Old Man Brendan
listen, Steele lives in a brutal world.
Masters just reports on it.
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait I forgot all cops are armed with rocket packs in this world
Old Man Brendan
Steele can move faster than human reaction times, why didn't he just blitz a pig?
It's nice that they use canvas instead of plastic, I guess.
Science God Q Alchemy
Then we wouldn't get implied hooker rape and exposed tits
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Or wander up and say hello since they are on first name terms.
"No raven, seriously your tits need to be out"
She could have just waved them down or whatever
Old Man Brendan
"It's actually a show of female strength that the child sex trafficking victim can use her sexuality to distract male authority figures," Hawke tells his students.
Science God Q Alchemy
It's the only way steele can cum anymore
Old Man Brendan
This is it.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
His male students.
Science God Q Alchemy
If I was one of hawks students and I read steele I'd drop the class
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah, but his class meet after class and read Steele Novels and they are having a whale of a time.
gellaho
Steele is now summarizing the last book to these two cops. I must capture this Ice mention
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Good. Last week I was mid covid and missed the read.
I didn't even know ice was dead.
Science God Q Alchemy
We were all distraught
Old Man Brendan
I found my professor's novel at a used bookstore in a fishing village once, and it is definitely coming up here once we conclude Steele.
The cops don't know because the news didn't tell them and now we all have to listen to it.
Science God Q Alchemy
Those who can do those who can't teach I guess
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Haha. I want to run a used book shop in a fishing village. That may be my dream.
Old Man Brendan
"Gentlemen, i've taken your guns. Now let me tell you why I'm innocent" is such a 1941 batman move.
Science God Q Alchemy
That does rule
gellaho
He pulled that fake rape stunt just so he could convince these two cops to tell the head of police his story
End of Chapter 1
Old Man Brendan
It's actually a fantastic book store with like five locations because everybody uses it. It's called the Book Barn and it was an actual barn.
Science God Q Alchemy
Why not just use your goddamn robot powers to sneak up and tell the police chief yourself?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What a roundabout titty scammed way to leave a voicemail
Science God Q Alchemy
Those two cops are so fucking dead
Old Man Brendan
...Jim?
gellaho
Looking like it was pointless anyway
Science God Q Alchemy
Although I've been wrong about a lot of predictions of who will die
not actually a Dr Mithritic
...yeah?
Old Man Brendan
From the cops' perspective, they saw some free tits, they met their hero and he was a good dude, and they don't have to file a report on losing their guns.
gellaho
The cops names were Kevin Bishop and Jim Morris
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What happened to
Ah
Old Man Brendan
Oh shit, Steele has a Gideon Hardcastle?!
Science God Q Alchemy
Federal warrants? This apocalypse sucks
gellaho
The only thing he's done is sent Steele to Project Download in the first book
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It would appear the system is in such good order there was no real reason to create Steele.
Old Man Brendan
It's still better than our apocalypse.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
It actually makes sense to me that Steele has to go.
I am now officially declaring for TEAMFUCKSTEELE
Old Man Brendan
Walking Dead is creating an anarcho-primitivist paradise and I have to watch Ted fucking Cruz slouch us into irrelevance to Russo-kleptocrats.
Science God Q Alchemy
They bolted a dudes dick to a robot brain with three dudes memories. That is gross. Steele is gross.
Kill steele
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I wonder when Raven is going to break up with him.
Science God Q Alchemy
We might get our mad max style wasteland someday man
not actually a Dr Mithritic
And his 40 year old balls hanging off his 3 year old polyester abs
Science God Q Alchemy
Why keep the 40 year old dick?
Old Man Brendan
"So, Steele, is it true most of your parts are made from the same material as pantyhose?"
gellaho
A meeting of the sociopaths
gellaho
You know why
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele's dick stops working because it's old as fuck and he goes on a rampage
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Is Rick Borodini the one who...I can't speak.
Science God Q Alchemy
They also kept his 40 year old organs which. Why not some from a young healthy athlete
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Yeah who wants 40 year old apocalypse cop kidneys?
Old Man Brendan
Rick is the unmolested Borodini
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I will keep my old balls and prostate please.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ah thanks.
gellaho
"Doted on" is interesting phrasing for "had sex with"
Old Man Brendan
the 35-40 dickline is the hardest, they say.
Tommy sounds like the real deadweight here.
gellaho
It seems like he mostly just had sex with underaged girls, so yeah
Old Man Brendan
Ice should have killed him in a just world.
Fuckin' '90s, 'ey mate? Anyway, cheers.
gellaho
Tommy is dead, Rick killed him in the second book
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Ooh patenting headstone GIFs if noone else has already
gellaho
This is information we probably should have already had
Old Man Brendan
ADD IT TO THE COLT BLACK ADVENTURES
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I can't IM SCARED I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW IT WORKS
gellaho
I've never heard of the Delanos or Pastoris or Castellanos
Old Man Brendan
Libertarian survivalist tells me this book got written in the six weeks following the OKC bombing.
gellaho
It was released in December 1990, does that line up?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That's because he is making it up as he goes. For our enjoyment 30 years later.
Old Man Brendan
This book has a super-interesting take on mob distribution and power structure.
Like...you BASE out of the boroughs, but the money is in Manhattan eyyyy I dunno, I had a girlfriend who lived above a funeral home that never held funerals, whadda I know? pizza focacc' fuhgeddaboudit
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Someone draw a post apocalyptic map of New York for me.
Old Man Brendan
Nope!
gellaho
Those two cops were very persuasive
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
These guys are fighting over what, an £8billion dollar hotdog concession outside the UN building
When called upon to kill a former colleague, calling in sick is a great tactic
Old Man Brendan
Sir, we are BUILDING an $8b hotdog empire here.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The cyborg balls guy spends his days hanging out there.
Nobody checks his time sheets.
Old Man Brendan
Not one funeral. Not ever: http://www.dbarifuneralhome.com/
gellaho
I feel like putting a crime boss's son in the police force wouldn't go well
not actually a Dr Mithritic
At this point who and what is Carman trying to achieve?
What was Steele's point?
To go after Victor?
gellaho
Carman is trying to achieve power
It's just that vague
Old Man Brendan
It's odd. Steele is already a fugitive, Borodini is a toxic name. What's Carman's play here? He's uncontested.
Higgins is dead, Cooper is dead. Ice. is. DEAD!
I'd kind of respect him if a bomb exploded right now and in walked some upstart.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Once Steele is dead...Carman can...partner up with Borodini
gellaho
Apparently the plan is to just cruise up to random cops and kill them
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Jernigan
gellaho
Then they take the cars
Old Man Brendan
...credit?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
They are going to frame Steele?
Old Man Brendan
It's Breton, and those Frenchmen know how to party. @not actually a Dr Mithritic
gellaho
I guess they're framing Steele
Steele doesn't use a machine pistol so it's a pretty piss poor frame job
Old Man Brendan
That's going to play badly when there's no blood spatter all over the inside of the car.
gellaho
And I guess these cops are incapable of recognizing each other. Even though like half the force is out
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Did Rick really need real cop powers for this?
Old Man Brendan
If you're good enough for Strike Force, you're not smart enough for Delta Force .
gellaho
I think that was just a turn of phrase, he isn't actually a cop
Old Man Brendan
The real killer was the friends we made along the Jernigan.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Like a whole spin off I guess.
gellaho
Lips
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Say yes with tight lips.
You look like a 2 year old who doesn't want his peas
gellaho
All they needed was a dead guy who said it was Steele. A guy speaking with someone else's voice
Old Man Brendan
McLennon's trying not to cry, you guys. His eyes are moist, not his lips.
The future doesn't record its comms.
gellaho
Everyone is armed to the teeth
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What the fuck is a butterfly knife adding
Bike Dancin' Greg
And why would she not bother with a bra?
Old Man Brendan
When did reporters EVER wear jumpsuits?
April O'Neil set unrealistic standards.
gellaho
All that was for nothing
not actually a Dr Mithritic
TMNT cartoon
Dammit.
Linda is all Nipples out with bullet pouches and nothing to do.
gellaho
Goddammit, Donna fuck off
Old Man Brendan
Remember Linda the next time someone complains about the liberal media.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Donna is like the detectives wife in Gotham. Just fuck off out of my eternity I am here for other reasons.
gellaho
This is a very stupid relationship
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Linda has poor journalism skills.
gellaho
I don't want more Donna
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Trying to give Linda a scoop is like trying to book a doctor's appointment with a sarcastic receptionist.
"don't roll your fucking eyes at me Linda, and put a bra on for Pete's sake, this isn't June's issue of Guns n Ammo"
gellaho
She's giving this story to a rival network
because her network erased her interview with Steele
Old Man Brendan
News companies love hiring reporters who break their contract and sell out their employers the second they don't get their way.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Why did Linda need a battle rifle for that phone call?
Old Man Brendan
Actually...that reminds me of a writer I had...
gellaho
They also still record everything on tape, even though Steele's brain has to be lighyears ahead of that technologically
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Maybe his brain is tape.
Just spooling and unspooling.
Old Man Brendan
You know damn well Steele runs on HDD, not SSD.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I think it runs on punch cards.
gellaho
Steele's gonna stay with the attempted rape victim from the last book
I don't know why everyone from the last book has to come back when I didn't get any more Tracy
Old Man Brendan
Steele's New York is a lot more italian than you'd ever believe. It's like the white flight of the '70s never happened.
gellaho
Hey, this is not OK Masters
Old Man Brendan
He actually called her a madonna and then a flower.
still, she has no future so we have that in common.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Oh fuck.
Nope.
Creepy bastard.
I fucking knew it.
He's going to cuddle her and raven is going to be cool about it.
Old Man Brendan
"Stefania Gianelli had just had her Woman's Cycle and it showed. Steele could taste with his tongue like most snakes, and for a moment, he could hardly blame the Lords. Coming back to reality, he ordered his onboard central processing unit (CPU) to delete the memory.
gellaho
This isn't really how 14 year olds talk
Old Man Brendan
"Like every night, Mr. Steele, I answer all her questions about sex. That's thanks to you."
gellaho
This is also after describing her childhood drawings. That are preserved in this apartment that amounts to a rusty old shack
Old Man Brendan
I was a 14-yo once and I assure you the primary characteristic is not caring what's happening in adults' lives.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
We would leave this hellscape, but the hot dog cart outside the UN building is the only source of food in the city.
Old Man Brendan
You only have to sell ONE hot dog and then you're set for life.
gellaho
Moisten those lips
The event being described there is an incredibly minor thing from the first book
Bike Dancin' Greg
I want to circle back to the reporter who "can get a job anywhere in this town". This post-apocalypse apparently has a great job market. Maybe she was just being cocky but I'll do anything to circle away from JD describing this 14 year old