gellaho
There are at least 3 television networks
7: Target Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)
#6 Steele
Tags:
Wanted for Murder: Steele!
Archive
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How many news stations are running and what floor of the UN building do they work out of?
Old Man Brendan
All Steele does is save little girls who grow up to be big girls he has sex with.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What is that? He needs to cut that out.
Old Man Brendan
what is he 1 for 3?
gellaho
Your reminder that Steele cannot cry
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I think his real life wife cheated on him and left him with a purity thing.
Old Man Brendan
Requiem for masculinity.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
But wait? That wouldn't explain them all being rape victims.
gellaho
So much of this book is about the fucking news
And endlessly repeating information
Old Man Brendan
It's very simple, Mithras. All women are either pure, or whores. Unless it's you personally, and then they're either frigid or your property.
gellaho
This is an interview about the interview earlier in the book
with the same information as the first interview, which is just the plot of the last book
Old Man Brendan
hahahaha, Perry Street is pretty luxe. It's about as pastoral as you can get below 200th st
not actually a Dr Mithritic
He couldn't bank on us reading all the books. Why would he.
gellaho
I hope Donna gets arrested
Old Man Brendan
Steele is decommissioned for the crime of not answering his cell phone / elbow.
Donna is really ride-or-die for a lady forced to listen to her husband's corpse bang a child-woman on her futon.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
If Donna gets arrested then far more of this story will be dialogue with Donna and Carman.
Carman is a stand in for Masters really not having got over something
So is Donna
Old Man Brendan
"Oh no, my dear," the Senator licked his lips, lizardlike, "I'm afraid YOU have a much GREATER purpose." The tank began to fill with water as Donna cried for Steele to help her: "Steele! Steeeeeele!"
gellaho
Bryce is apparently under orders from some shadowy group
Old Man Brendan
Widows are required to mourn their husbands ad infinitum since she had no funeral pyre to leap upon.
gellaho
I don't know who or what is powerful enough in this post apocalypse to control this Senator who seems to control New York's government by himself
somehow
Old Man Brendan
it's the UN
gellaho
The senator is going to try and threaten a computer program
Old Man Brendan
Think back eight years and then compare how close this book came out to the awesome Matrix.
My life was exactly the same eight years ago except I hadn't seen Captain America and my dick wasn't yet cyborg.
gellaho
The Matrix had a bunch of payphone business too, right?
Old Man Brendan
They also stole a chopper!
No payphones below the Midtown (border?!)
What the shit kind of Mad Max world is the LIE?
gellaho
This is about the 1,000,000th time he's asked Raven to stay behind
Old Man Brendan
Dudes telling women it's too dangerous is the old Dudes showing women how guns work. zzzzzzzzzz
gellaho
I wonder where they are headed
Old Man Brendan
This society sucks
"Midtown was a tire fire. Times Square was still vibrant with porn."
gellaho
The Matrix is capable of the kind of basic work police should be able to do
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is the Steele we DESERVE.
Steele is the Barrett we GET.
gellaho
You should have thought of that, Steele? How would you have thought of that
gellaho
That high speed phone connection we are all familiar with
Old Man Brendan
Is this masturbation or sex?
Wait, I just read the second image, it's sex.
gellaho
Definitely sex
Old Man Brendan
"Steele uploaded the 1.2MB (megabytes) of information to his digital self. With his advanced capabilities it was done in under 10 minutes."
gellaho
I'm almost 100 pages in and no mention of the dick. This is highly irregular
Old Man Brendan
I'll be honest, this seems like really good sex.
gellaho
This is endless
"He couldn't describe the experience, I'll use a couple of pages to say that"
Old Man Brendan
Awwww, they're in LOVE!
gellaho
Moisten those lips
Old Man Brendan
I think moistening the lips is shorthand for emotional vulnerability in Steele's world.
Why doesn't Matrix call all three news channels simultaneously with its recordings and say "first past the post wins"?
gellaho
What!? I haven't been given this information before! So shocking
gellaho
What the fuck are you talking about JD
Clothes and style from WHERE
Old Man Brendan
But Midtown is on FIRE
Steele is a cyborg with a rifle who gets approached MULTIPLE times by malcontents.
Also, this is more of an Upper East Side characterization.
gellaho
I don't like where this might be going
Old Man Brendan
Frame Steele by shooting the reporter who said he was innocent of the frame job with the kind of gun anybody can get.
gellaho
So, wait, they could already check the voice
They just decided not to, because fuck it?
Old Man Brendan
Good job, Carman, you dumb fuck, you turned a fugitive with nowhere to go into a fugitive with nowhere to go except your office to exact the truth.
Old Man Brendan
Honestly, this is the one part that squares with NYC cops.
gellaho
This matrix has endless access to information
basically making all of these issues pointless
Old Man Brendan
hell of a leap, Hardesty.
Matrix is the machina that needs no deus.
...I think we lost everyone.
gellaho
people come in and out
A lawyer named Sharky
How do you come up with this shit, Simon? It's so good
Old Man Brendan
Cops can't stand this one defense attorney
gellaho
Yay, more news
gellaho
Everyone in these books is an idiot
gellaho
Oh, this can only go well
JD has a great track record with black people and women
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Sharky, the entirely adequate defense lawyer who works for the people who can afford to pay the least. In the apocalypse? So mutants. She defends mutants.
Old Man Brendan
Screamers
ha ha ha ha, Battery Park, that's the danger zone?
Battery park's biggest problem was shutting down at 5pm until about ten years ago.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She had her own practice, in the UN building. Just guilty ass screamer and Simpsons Italian monsters knocking on the president's door by accident.
gellaho
And her advice is to go to the press
gellaho
JD had one idea for this book
MEDIA
Old Man Brendan
RIP Andy the sleepy gossip
Jesus christ, JD, Sharky is "exotic" yet "intelligent."
gellaho
Everyone is dying
Old Man Brendan
Sharky is gonna end up our new Ice, the one character you can respect.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
She's gonna be Foxy Brown. Ace lawyer
Old Man Brendan
Linda died OFFSCREEN?
This is reprehensible.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Betting Linda's been kidnapped.
gellaho
It's his move, he's gonna use it
Cars are still being manufactured?
He has completely given up on the post apocalypse
Old Man Brendan
So I'm getting a real '80s NYC vibe where midtown bustles, but you'd better clear out by 6pm. I had bosses who were aghast I'd go to Hell's Kitchen in 2005, which was like...broadway dining and gay bars by then.
gellaho
Are these cars getting transported to fucking dealerships? Or do you have to actually go to Detroit?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
No, this makes perfect sense. Post globalisation America would revert to manufacturing all cars in Detroit again...
Old Man Brendan
Incidentally, this "sundown danger" is my theory on why Billy Joel rose to fame. If you're in the bar after a certain hour, you're staying there.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Everyone who is driving, drives a civilian hummer.
Old Man Brendan
I love how society's gotten so bad, every jumpy yuppie has weapons.
These cars come straight out of harlan Ellison.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How far is it from Detroit to New York.
gellaho
Two cab companies
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Steal a bus.
gellaho
not actually a Dr Mithritic
That may be his most unforgivable effort so far.
I mean it's worse than all the skirting barely legal shit.
What the fuck are you talking about Masters?
Old Man Brendan
I tried to drive to Columbus once and 10 hours was not the recommended time.
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
But maybe roads are clear in the apocalypse.
Cyborg steals a pimp cadillac, here we go.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The women were obviously finishing up...wiping cum off their shoes. While the pimp checked the takings against his fuck abacus.
gellaho
Stealing a pimpmobile
the first action in the book
on page 118
Old Man Brendan
Steele paused. "HOW fine are your foxes?"
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Take your bitches inside to do your books man.
gellaho
Count the uses of the word "pimp"
Old Man Brendan
Glad you had Raven NOW, aren't you?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Owning a Cadillac in post apocalyptic New York seems opulent even for a pimp
gellaho
Steele is struggling mightily against this pimp
Old Man Brendan
In his defense he's dodging at least two guns.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I'm team pimp. Steele is the villian in this interaction
Old Man Brendan
"Accidentally strangles pimp while stealing his car"
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Breaks car.
gellaho
RIP Raven
Old Man Brendan
RAAAAAVENNNNN
gellaho
I guess cop cars have machine gun turrets!?
That's so not raven
Old Man Brendan
ENTER THE WAITRESS
Old Man Brendan
ENTER THE WAITRESS
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Raven is going cyborg surely
gellaho
What a way to kill off a character
"A police car showed up and killed her. The end"
It's better than her introduction, though
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Steele makes it up with Donna.
gellaho
Like a million times better
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Raven had to be gotten out of the way.
Old Man Brendan
"Raven's newly Nysteel vagina was capable of high-speed coupling up to speeds of 77mph."
All that threat to her, and she's just gone in a terribly executed plan.
gellaho
It's a little hard to take seriously when it's followed by "pimp car"
Sorry, "pimp's car"
Old Man Brendan
Steele, come back!
"Sorry, but the saying is leave no MAN behind."
gellaho
He remembered his laser cannon
Old Man Brendan
Ooh, that's going to play badly among our belligerent police union.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Now the cops are gonna be pissed
All that reporting, wasted. With it this whole book so far.
gellaho
At least half these deaths aren't his fault
Old Man Brendan
Steele has no supporting cast left.
It's Dr. Stone and Donna n--Ohhhhhhh
He went into the sewer via the front door?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
This better not lead to reconciliation with Donna
not actually a Dr Mithritic
How do you get in? Through a manhole cover like a turtle?
gellaho
He covered a lot of ground in his grief
Old Man Brendan
He has BAT-GRAPPLING HOOKS?
gellaho
Long-ass press conference!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Wait, is this out of chronology or is this a different sewer.
gellaho
He had darts as his primary weapon in the second book
gellaho
I skipped that part initially
Old Man Brendan
Well, JD got one thing right: More words = bigger lies.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I will hate him like you didn't
gellaho
This is the 9th or 10th time this has been mentioned in this book
This entire book has been "Steele has gone crazy like that other cyborg!"
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Hawke/ masters is sick of his own shit.
gellaho
More lip action
gellaho
Seriously, all this murder should be pointless if everyone knows that the voices were faked
gellaho
Why are these anonymous reporters handing Carman his ass?
gellaho
You had a reporter set up for that express purpose, but you killed her
Why
Seriously
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Is the coastal transport company just a welded death bus?
Secret banking in the apocalypse with what? Internet access.
Old Man Brendan
Ted Cruz right now.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
I feel masters should have taken a break until he felt engaged with his material again
gellaho
He had spent books setting up a reporter, then murders her, right before reporters go on to tear down his main villian
baffling
Old Man Brendan
It's 1989. Jd hawkemasters Yoruminov lies on a couch in Houston, smoking a fat J. He gestures to the screen, playing Robocop 2 on HBO, and says to no one at that late hour, "He should fuck."
gellaho
By the way, the secret organization that controls Carman is called "The Organization"
10/10 writing
Old Man Brendan
When you're that high up you don't need names.
True power is calling your conspiracy "Our thing."
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Someone should be called "The Conspirators" misinformation overload alone would protect you.
gellaho
Everyone is an idiot
Old Man Brendan
It never occurred to you?
gellaho
Here's another Italian. Outta nowhere
no idea who this is
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is on it.
The REAL hero here.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Just putting O's and I's on names here.
John Smithitini
Dave Raviolio
gellaho
I guess Romano is how he contacts Borodini?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Get the warrants from who
Old Man Brendan
Nothing suspicious about THAT kind of exchange.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Issued fucking where?
gellaho
Moisten those lips!
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Masters cartoon idea of speaking on a bugged phone.
Old Man Brendan
I think Raven died so Steele can continue phone-fucking Matrix.
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Steele should have 3 wayd raven with dial up.
gellaho
Looks like Steele is ahead of the game for once
Old Man Brendan
Does Romano not get that Borodini is going to die?
gellaho
The Matrix is a mimic now
gellaho
Victor Borodini was hiding in a hole and now he's too good for a meeting with a senator
Old Man Brendan
He's gonna fly from midtown east to western Long Island?
I guess chopper, stolen or otherwise
gellaho
I still don't understand why Carman needs Borodini at all
Old Man Brendan
Or vice versa?
Is Carman fucked yet?
wait higgins was in bed with Borodini?
gellaho
no, higgins was an enemy of Borodini
This is a ridiculous description
But I don't think it's supposed to be funny
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Just addressing the problems he can see as obvious.
Because the author is insane.
gellaho
This is just a mess of words
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Clanking around like a Skyrim character.
gellaho
I have no idea what's going on
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Masters decided he'd had enough and would just drink til 5am hitting words.
He wrote this book in 16 hours with a bottle of whiskey, a picture of his ex wife and a copy of the previous book.
While the news was on
Old Man Brendan
If you wear your spare hands on your belt, you're always groping/lasering your still-human penis.
gellaho
What's this Scooby Doo nonsense?
Old Man Brendan
The Steele novels are SO CLOSE to every animated series of my youth but not safe for kids.
gellaho
I wish there was some sexy business in this book
This has been so dry
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Response of the night.
gellaho
take that however you want
not actually a Dr Mithritic
There hasn't been so much of what we love to hate. Someone must have sent the author a letter, asking for more and it must have disgusted him.
gellaho
I actually don't know what is happening
Are these guys trying to capture Borodini or are they helping him?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Borodini was bait. They are helping Carman.
But wait? Matrix Steele set the meeting up. Didn't he?
gellaho
He's literally repeating himself now
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Nah, it's the same scene from Steele's perspective. It's like a clever perspective trick.
gellaho
Okay, this is straight ripped from Robocop
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Riot gear? Rather than tactical.
Ok.
gellaho
Steele shot out all the lights, and now everyone is shooting everything
gellaho
Jesus
not actually a Dr Mithritic
What's Steele after here
gellaho
Stabbin'
This got really violent, really quick
not actually a Dr Mithritic
The limo engine was connected to the drivers brain.
gellaho
Some homophobia
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Weird that the author wrote Paulie into this horror and also judged him.
gellaho
RIP Borodini
Also, kiss what goodbye?
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Aim for his head Borodingus, or his dick.
gellaho
Borodini had some kind of super limo
not actually a Dr Mithritic
Such laconic wit. Do you think for a second he mentally cast Arnie into the role.
Did he ever use the Cadillac? He didn't did he. Good to know Raven died for no reason whatsoever
gellaho
I forgot about the lawyer
gellaho
gellaho
I guess the police commissioner was in on it too? And prostitutes
Also, Citibank still exists
Lip moistening action
gellaho
Jennifer Stone, sexy scientist is also dead now
gellaho
I'm skipping a whole bunch here because it's boring as hell. A bunch of people tell the media they believe Steele and Steele saved their lives
That lawyer has somehow filed a lawsuit for Steele without meeting with him
gellaho
Steele still can't cry
gellaho
This is a very long list of people Steele wishes he could cry for
A requiem for Ice
gellaho
Hey, I have a date for when this is happening now
gellaho
Now Carman is dead
I think that makes everyone dead
Citreks
Anyone read a novel so painful it makes them lose enthusiasm for books
Science God Q Alchemy
Yes
Bike Dancin' Greg
JD is such a bad writer
gellaho
What? Never. So anyway, Steele's in Miami with the Brood biker gang
and they are going to get Raven tattoos
Bike Dancin' Greg
I can't even fathom how stupidly they spent Raven's death
gellaho
The Brood knows about The Organization
gellaho
The End
Everyone is dead
Citreks
The Twist by Richard Calder fucked up a teenage me. I hated having to use a dictionary to look up words I didn't know on every page.
Recently, the Redemption of Althalus by David Eddings put me in a funk.
Bike Dancin' Greg
"Just watch you don't get raped by my old lady lol." Also in the same paragraph "funeral preparations"
gellaho
JD Masters Completed
Boy, that one was boring as hell
Citreks
What the fuck is this book
Bike Dancin' Greg
That had to be the worst Steele in terms of logical plot development?
Everyone died in the least exciting way possible
And for dumb reasons
Science God Q Alchemy
I was at dinner with my brother so I missed this one, i miss anything important?
gellaho
Everyone is dead
Raven died, Senator Carman died, Dr. Jennifer Stone died, Linda Tellerman died
gellaho
http://gellaho.com/books/steele
Bring on S.L. Hunter
Bike Dancin' Greg
Borodini died, Rick Borodini died
gellaho
Yeah, the only remaining Borodini is Paulie the twink
But, yeah, JD decided to end his portion by killing everyone and sending Steele to Miami
Citreks
Hahaha Jesus
Bike Dancin' Greg
Also "Tears for Ice, the powerful black giant whose real name Steele never knew"
That just makes Steele a shitty friend
gellaho
Ice was the best
Things went really downhill after Jagged Steele
Hopefully a new author and the new lady robot ninja will spice things up
sensitive New Age jakesy
God dammit, I just caught up with all of this and I agree that this was the worst one so far. The main thing I got out of it is in our novel we need to throw in some onomatopoeia when using weapons
He “snickked” the knife open. The bullets “spanged” off the car
At least Peacemaker is back
Alpha Scientist Javo
genuinely surprised we didnt get robo Ice
gellaho
That would be too cool
Bike Dancin' Greg
We might get Robo-Raven
Steele didn't actually see her die
For any normal author that would mean she is 100% alive
Alpha Scientist Javo
for some reason I never even realize the books change authors
Do you think so many characters died because this was supposed to be the end of the Steele series but another author was given the rights
gellaho
Kind of seems like Simon Hawke went scorched earth
sensitive New Age jakesy
Fortunately most of the characters were shitty so it might be for the best
Bike Dancin' Greg
Was the ending as awkwardly written as it sounded? We missed some between pages
"The organization is in Miami"
"Guess I'm going to Miami"
"That should be fine as long as you have cash"
"I... I dont have money"
"Well... you always have a home here?"
Science God Q Alchemy
How did raven eat it, I'm having trouble finding
gellaho
I honestly don't know where the Brood are. It might be Long Island, but that's not how you get to Florida
gellaho
Alpha Scientist Javo
thats so raven
Science God Q Alchemy
I think maybe it was a mandate, like revamping the series because they where unhappy with the direction it was going, or sales or something
gellaho
A cop car showed up while they were fighting a pimp
Science God Q Alchemy
And shot the first teenage girl they saw
Alpha Scientist Javo
Do you have an archive for all of these if I ever want to revist them?
gellaho
That seems like it would be some work to do
I have the pictures, but that's missing a lot of context
Bike Dancin' Greg
Would they even have time to be unhappy with sales? He wrote these every two months
gellaho
I've th about it, but I'd have to figure something out. I cou get the discord links I guess
Alpha Scientist Javo
I know discord eventually loses stuff so I just figured it might be a worthy project
even if just the photos and your comments
Science God Q Alchemy
I don't know, it just seems like a move to revamp to me
New tone, new setting and characters
sensitive New Age jakesy
This like mostly passive, weirdly detached 3rd person narrative style is classic JDM. It’s never like “the cop fired at raven” it’s “he saw raven get hit with bullets and die”
sensitive New Age jakesy
The obvious answer is to hire an intern to scan all the books into PDFs
Pay them in valuable experience
Science God Q Alchemy
I can sort of justify it in trying to keep it in Steele's perspective of her death.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I just feel like most of the writing in Steele is not like, characters doing things, but rather things just happening to the characters
I’m not smart enough to explain why it’s bad but I know enough to know that it’s bad
Science God Q Alchemy
As a general rule passive voice is meant to be avoided but you can break rules if you're clever enough. I think the problem with the writing is less the specific prose and more that the characters don't feel defined. The plot feels like it's happening to them because their motives aren't very believable and certain events aren't properly set up, or the actions don't seem to make a lot of sense but hawke needs something to happen. He may use passive voice too much, I can't remember and these books feel unedited.
But I think it's more an issue of just, amateurish writing with no editor
nanomano
If you edited them you would never make they money back on sales
Like paying an editor to fix this would put the project in the red
Science God Q Alchemy
Yeah, I love how hawke still seems proud of them
I'd be like "please never ask me about my terrible for the money projects"
Old Man Brendan
I'm proud of you. We kept that line on the shelf, and you played it like an ace in the hole when it would finally be funny.
Old Man Brendan
"The knife went into meat like a hammer hitting meat."
Old Man Brendan
He definitely got bored with everyone and cleared the table.