gellaho
🚨 Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) Poll Time 🚨
This week, the theme is attempted murder. To vote, react to this post.
🛥️ #29 - Thick as Thieves
🪕 #60 - Deadfall
🏋️♂️ #63 - Cold Sweat
38: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #60: Deadfall Franklin W. Dixon
Tags:
Timber country - it's the perfect environment for murder.
Archive
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The answer is obvious
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
I dunno crazed redneck is making a strong argument
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The man holding the 225 lb barbell parallel to the floor has unbelievable strength
gellaho
Also has ass-hugging shorts
Proxy: Not A Vampire
makes you wonder why he doesn't just use his hands
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Like go to the gym right now and put 225 on a bar and try to hold it straight out in front of you like that
Also call a doctor
gellaho
It's also weird to put a stationary bike under a machine, but whatever
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
I vote oblivious homoeroticism!
dr
I absolutely must know how they write him missing a shot from that range.
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
Do we know its 225? It looks like that second plate is only a 25er
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hmmm good point
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
It should be said regardless 185 to the throat is still a real bad time
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Yeah either way that's quite the predicament
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It looks difficult but he's resting most of the weight on Frank's trachea.
FancyShark
I'm worried Crazed Mountain Man is going to be a good guy
gellaho
He's trying to kill Joe. He's a good guy
FancyShark
Truth. That also makes the gym guy a hero
I respect that the gun wielder on the Thieves cover is going after the smart one. Kill Frank and Joe will be using plastic bags as astronaut helmets inside a week
problematic fox Djonin
Holy shit
This is wonderful
problematic fox Djonin
But this is divine
problematic fox Djonin
I can't take my eyes off it
His eyes say he knows just how fucked he is right now
Mo's Over, Synergy
CROSSFIT!
gellaho
Too many crooks ruin the neighborhood
problematic fox Djonin
Any other day, this wouldn't be the third funniest cover
gellaho
He's eating silica packets within two hours
problematic fox Djonin
Thick as thieves unfortunately could never live up to its cover.
Mo's Over, Synergy
he's detonating a trading card kiosk at the mall.
like, very first thing.
FancyShark
Inserting pennies into electric sockets within a day, hoping for temporary tattoos, gumballs and small toys
Mo's Over, Synergy
punching the touch screen to make the picture of the dog come back
problematic fox Djonin
All of these activities follow rejection from a woman
gellaho
It's not winning, so read this nonsense
problematic fox Djonin
So we are clear.
FancyShark
That jives completely with Joe's deal
problematic fox Djonin
Haha what the fuck
FancyShark
This rules. This rules so hard.
Joe can't narc. And he can't die from bombs.
And the idea that their archenemy is a woman is so perfect with how awful Joe is to women
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
this blurb reads like it was written by AI
Gentleman Brendan
I'm trying to calculate the least that could weigh: light bar (15 lbs), 10-lb plates that are sometimes the same diameter as 45s. Every version of this suggests lats found normally only in unmistakably Black sidekicks.
Gentleman Brendan
This looks like an A+ Mr. Show sketch.
problematic fox Djonin
You're seeing David Cross too, huh?
Gentleman Brendan
But like...MINIMUM that dude is holding out 75 lbs at arm's length with the bulk of it on one side of him.
gellaho
Joe inspires a lot of rage strength
Gentleman Brendan
Basically his latest appearance on What We Do in the Shadows but minus goblin ears.
FancyShark
That hillbilly is hopefully trying to protect his squirrel and raccoon pelt collection
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Yeah that is some gymnast shit right there
gellaho
Once again, the people have spoken. We will journey into a world of beefy lumberjacks and tree hugging peaceniks. Will there be explosions? Absolutely. Join Frank & Joe in Crosscut, Oregon, for The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #60: Deadfall. This Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
Trees are the computers of the forest.
gellaho
@Brockway pin this, or else
FancyShark
Chainsaws and double-barrel shotguns, but not a Bruce Campbell to be had
Brockway
Or else, what? I'll go bald?
flamefish
Aren't you already balding??? 😏
gellaho
You'll be visited by the Mr. Flannel there
Brockway
Nope, still got super-dense goku hair if I let it
Brockway
Oh I thought that was like an artist's rendering of me, bald, in like 10 years in Vermont
flamefish
David Cross at first
gellaho
90s Oregonian Lumberjack is a popular style
FancyShark
Would you use a shotgun, Brockway? You've said you're a trap-specialist. I'm picturing a lawn of bear-traps.
gellaho
He's aiming for Joe's lower torso. Going for a slow death
Gentleman Brendan
That's where Joe keeps his brains though.
Brockway
Oh yeah, just gotta wound em so they won't make it back out through the trap gauntlet
gellaho
Hardy Boys Casefiles #60: Deadfall begins in one hour. Here is the preview.
FancyShark
Already this book has lost me. Joe doesn't know anything.
Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics
i love "exploding into a run"
that implies he runs like Tom Cruise
gellaho
He loves exploding
Gentleman Brendan
FRANKOOM
gellaho
For those of you who are playing at home, this is the book before Grave Danger, aka the Mexican adventure
FancyShark
AKA The Forbidden Love of Joe Hardy
gellaho
That was the South American adventure
Grave Danger was about stolen artifacts and Mayan pyramids
FancyShark
Oohhh
Dang, I missed that one
Gentleman Brendan
All I know is every time the Hardys cross the border, people die.
gellaho
https://gellaho.com/books/71-61-grave-danger
FancyShark
But I found this on the Hardy Boys wiki:
Larry Mike Garmon (27, 36, 39, 43, 46, 126)
Ron Goulart (23, 30, 44)
Steven Grant (3, 6, 14, 19, 29, 62)
David L. Robbins
Known authors of the Casefiles books!
Those numbers are either the books they wrote or their clone-batch numbers
gellaho
That's a relatively small amount of books
FancyShark
Yeah. Wiki author either got lazy or ran into the same obstacles we did
Gentleman Brendan
Ron Goulart writes a lot of comic book criticism/compendium books.
gellaho
And Shatner's TekWar
Gentleman Brendan
I can maybe see if Grant knows, but I'd rather wait until I have to reach out to him anyway.
FancyShark
This is adorable. The wiki's knowledge of those authors comes from a blog kept by a husband and wife that collect old books:
https://www.keeline.com/
...who apparently do not regularly maintain their site
Oh hey, the wiki says that Steven Grant is most notable in the Hardy Boys Casefiles for creating their nemesis Charity
gellaho
I feel like each of the ghostwriters might operate in their own Hardy Boys universe
FancyShark
Beautiful. The Assassins have been in the Casefiles series since Book 1
FancyShark
@gellaho @John , behold one of the late entries in the Casefiles series
John
Haha, yes!
Somehow Frank looks eben older in this picture than on the show
gellaho
The late stage covers are no bueno
Url included because fart
FancyShark
hahaha, they pushed the TV show so hard
And after that, the covers are just ugly, cluttered messes
until the collections at the end
gellaho
I think there are more books than TV episodes
FancyShark
I think you're right. Weren't there like eight episodes?
Looks like book 104 is the last one with an awesome cover. 105 was when they started the TV show promo covers
Brian Kotzky is the son of American cartoonist Alex Kotzky and is an artist himself. Brian Kotzky work graced the covers of 101 The Hardy Boys Casefiles, starting in 1987 with #3 Cult of Crime and ending in 1995 with #104 Wild Wheels. He also painted six covers for the Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys Super Mystery series. In all, Kotzky worked on 107 Hardy Boys books.
We need a shrine built to Brian Kotzky
gellaho
I think I'm getting there
FancyShark
haha, true
John
11 half-hour episodes plus one 2-parter.
FancyShark
Ah, thankya
John
All I had to do to find out was look on my hard drive, because, and I can't say this with enough shame, I own them all.
gellaho
So, yeah, more book covers
FancyShark
By the last few, they had to have been doing it out of spite
"Look at this beautiful thing you were too good to enjoy!"
gellaho
The beautiful thing are these book covers
FancyShark
Brian Kotzky is a genius
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
One day you should have all the covers removed and wallpaper a room with them
Make it your fuckin' room
FancyShark
Make t-shirt prints of each one. No text
John
Text should never be on t-shirts. Go look at graphic tees and notice how every single one would be better with the text removed.
Cool-ass picture of Rogue Squadron with "Star Wars" written below it, as if I don't fucking know already?
gellaho
Open on: SNACKING
John
four-by-four = wood
4x4 = truck
Ergo, Stan is playing pretend
FancyShark
Stan's squirrel-sausage patties did not elicit comment
gellaho
Joe the food monster
FancyShark
Callie #12
gellaho
Frank could often predict into which rage Joe would enter at any given time
FancyShark
And yet, Frank still has to explain everything to Joe
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
Am I the only one finding vaguely unsettling eroticism in this description
FancyShark
You are not
gellaho
The deadly rumbles between the hippies and lumberjacks
gellaho
One or more of these writers is very into describing the children
John
It's in every book, so it's not even worth mentioning anymore.
FancyShark
We've run out of ways to call it out
well, maybe
gellaho
Buster Owens upgrading equipment, like some kinda asshole
FancyShark
Stan's been chopped down so many times by angry loggers
John
What a weird utopia to be angry about. Don't work, get half your pay? Today you'd be lucky to not be thrown into the woodchipper after they laid you off.
FancyShark
Paid Time Off? YOU THIEVING BASTARD!
gellaho
Vance Galen is not your typical hippie
FancyShark
Vance sounds like he was high through most of Vietnam
John
Wait, so Stan owns a different mill, and the workers are angry at him that the other guy shut down?
Madness.
gellaho
Stan is the hippie uncle
of Callie
FancyShark
Stan finds it weird that a different girl is his niece every few weeks
gellaho
"We lumberjacks hate the trees! The trees are our nemesis."
FancyShark
"A tree killed my father!"
"A tree crushed my car!"
"A tree...stole my heart"
gellaho
Very three dimensional characters here
gellaho
John
Surprisingly difficult to find death-related reactions. Probably overall a good thing, but still disappointing.
FancyShark
hahaha, you nailed it though
Buster loves parking lots. He's a quirky man
John
I learned at the master's knee.
gellaho
Bo Johnson didn't try very hard on his company name
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
I bet you could write a Hardy Boys novel in a weekend if you lined it up right.
John
Ah, a short one this week. Conflict resolved. The loggers quit and join Bo. Callie #12 makes it to the next book, Joe is frustrated and impotent again. Everyone wins.
FancyShark
Bo: staunch enemy of OSHA
Gentleman Brendan
The loggers agree to plant five trees for every one they cut down and more jobs are created, huzzah.
gellaho
Then, they go for a very normal walk
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Going going back back to Callie Callie
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe's getting his exploding in early this time.
FancyShark
Joe can identify explosions instinctively
John
"3 teenagers were seen fleeing just before the old mill exploded. They are considered extremely stupid and 100% guilty."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He's like a sommelier of concussive blasts.
gellaho
Frank is very familiar with chemical fires
Gentleman Brendan
I was going to joke "The bridge explodes" but then it did.
FancyShark
"Well, we tried"
Gentleman Brendan
Dynamite is a chemical #HARDYFACTS
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Who would have expected lumber to be so flammable?
John
"Look, I know literally every law enforcement agency in the state is going to be involved in this one, but obviously you need our help to prove what happened."
Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics
Dynamite is the 8th primordial element
FancyShark
"We should have kept it dryer!"
gellaho
He died as he lived. On fire.
Gentleman Brendan
Dynamite Benders don't have a long life expectancy.
BUSTER BLUTH
FancyShark
Learning curve is brutal too
Gentleman Brendan
A lumberjack burning in his own mill is somehow even more tragic when he's not a beautiful white woman. It's the only time the news bucks its own weird trends.
FancyShark
Frank, this is no time for your improv poetry
Gentleman Brendan
sidebar: you all got weirdly into that missing woman case last month and creeped me out.
gellaho
Seems pretty cut and dry
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That dynamite is medicinal.
Gentleman Brendan
Frank's really having a Joe kind of day.
I can't believe we don't have a Pete emoji
John
"Jesus, man. Don't you know those should be transported in a specialized container. Anyway, some old mill and the guy you hate blew up. What's for lunch?"
gellaho
Stan swore, guess it must be someone else
FancyShark
"I keep it for the articles!"
gellaho
Yes, the father you've heard of. Not the children who stopped a warhead
Gentleman Brendan
Yea, the Bible telleth us not to swear. Jesus Himself did say "say yes when you mean yes." Enjoy hell, Stan.
Fenton's a nationally touring PI and we know so little of him.
John
I promise everyone will like this sheriff a lot more if you imagine he pronounced it as "show bid-ness"
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe he just seeds America with mysteries for his son to follow.
gellaho
I think he bought it
Gentleman Brendan
Leaves a box of first-aid-o-mite here, there...everywhOOOOOOM OH NOT JOE'S GIRLFRIEND NOOOOO
That's right, I said son. Can you guess which Hardy is actually Sam Spade's kid?
FancyShark
Sheriffs in rural areas always believe hippies
John
Even if that's the truth, you have to know not to answer the question if your answer is gonna be "I've never met this dynamite riding shotgun in my life."
FancyShark
"I swear, the dynamite looked 18, officer"
gellaho
"Shut up, Joe, I've been around this guy for an hour. I know how he ticks"
FancyShark
This all hinges on whether Frank is right about Stan being stupid
Gentleman Brendan
Dammit, the sheriff doesn't like it, but this is a Frank's Gut state, so he's got to let Stan go.
John
"He should have lit one of those sticks of dynamite, screamed 'you'll never take me alive', stolen a cop car, and taken Callie as hostage. This makes no sense."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Callie, your uncle didn't suicide by cop, so he's the most likely suspect.
gellaho
"The woman joked, ignoring the dead man and the dozen people injured by exploding glass"
FancyShark
"I'll let you off with a warning, Guy Whose Assistant Has Started Multiple Brawls"
Gentleman Brendan
"Innocent men don't comply with law enforcement, Frank. They don't have to, God will recognize them in Heaven."
gellaho
RIP Callie
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oh no, it's contagious
FancyShark
Spontaneous Human Combustion: the Dynamite of Flesh
gellaho
Oh, wait, no. She's just further incriminating her uncle
John
"We all were, didn't you notice us running away right before the place blew up?"
FancyShark
"I've been fighting with the loggers for months. Yes, I was here before."
Gentleman Brendan
real talk: nothing is more infuriating than being damned by a defender you never requested.
gellaho
The Shaws are famously good under pressure
John
Famous cop talk. "Stop confessing and do it later."
FancyShark
"A lawyer? Like the one in Uncle Stan's crawlspace?"
gellaho
Joe: Target Acquired
FancyShark
Lots of things, Ronnie
All that's happened was a mill fire and an explosion. No wars or aliens
gellaho
Bearded and muscular, uncommon traits among lumberjacks
Gentleman Brendan
I think you've said enough, tree-hugger. Better save the rest for when you're adequately represented.
I'm moving to Hardyville.
gellaho
MIKE SMASH TREE
Gentleman Brendan
Nothing says sex like khaki pants
FancyShark
"Mr. McGinley, did you murder this bank owner and move all the money to your account?"
"Nope"
"Okay. Thank you for your time."
Gentleman Brendan
OOH, baby, are those flat fronts? Daddy like, save the pleats for that church dress.
gellaho
Frank: foot guy
Gentleman Brendan
You can't prove any of that, and I intend to countersue this state.
Large men in boots? In the WOODS? This can only be truck drivers or lumberjacks.
FancyShark
"I see multiple luscious prints in the mud"
Gentleman Brendan
But why would a flatbed truck drive out to a logging camp?
gellaho
Blood on the hat of a dead man? Impossible!
FancyShark
A stained hat? Just one?
Gentleman Brendan
Wasn't Buster's skin sloughing off on Joe's sexy khakis? A little late to be memento moring.
FancyShark
No, Joe. Hat
gellaho
"Did you seriously just ask if how and where the guy was murdered matters?"
FancyShark
Joe, you...you've learned nothing?
Is Joe Memento-ing?
Gentleman Brendan
Great theory, but Joe's Gut is not recognized in this state.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's all they have to go on after they contaminated that crime scene into inadmissability.
gellaho
Frank and Joe knew they needed to tamper with that evidence
Gentleman Brendan
And...and the loggers didn't know that?
FancyShark
Sheriffs need evidence? Huh
gellaho
Joe's brains are slowly leaking from his nose
FancyShark
"Just incriminating you. Government's wired the whole town. Bye!"
gellaho
Are you kids shitting me?
Gentleman Brendan
They are absolutely going to get into a barfight with Hank & Dean.
"Ah, a fellow connoisseur of the law, I see!" Frank chirped nervously.
gellaho
The sheriff forgot to take his medication this morning
gellaho
FancyShark
I will never tire of the actual law enforcement getting angry at the Hardys
gellaho
I think the author got sheriff confused with newspaper editor
FancyShark
"I have evidence."
"Well, hand it over!"
"No. I don't wanna"
gellaho
Definitely not enough evidence
FancyShark
What I would give for Brian Dennehy's sheriff from First Blood right now
gellaho
Some more absolutely believable names
FancyShark
Walter won the local paper's "Most Evil Name" award, three years running
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
ACKS
FancyShark
oh no
gellaho
Speaking of the newspaper, it's apparently the only place to develop film.
gellaho
And apparently somebody could run a newspaper for 200 people
FancyShark
Half your subscribers? Jesus, you're chill, lady
Ronnie is working on a computer. She will be dead in the next five minutes
gellaho
Time for the man everyone hates, Vance Galen, to show up at the newspaper
FancyShark
Ronnie, asking the hard questions
Galen, new to the whole "plausible alibi" thing
gellaho
Joe struggled to figure out what Galen could mean
FancyShark
Galen is why there's a Fifth Amendment
gellaho
Lumber Mob
FancyShark
Exactly 1000. Frank counted.
gellaho
Better just dial that tension back to zero
FancyShark
hahaha
Ronnie & Mike
The Romeo & Juliet of our time
gellaho
Ronnie: the town's disapproving mother
FancyShark
Ronnie's the only source of news and morality. She's a naturally occurring pundit
gellaho
It's not nice the way Rafe does his job
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The logging business confuses me
FancyShark
Assault: How to Use It For Big Busine$$!
Gentleman Brendan
Millie is the anti-Callie, she did it.
gellaho
Some very inflammable personal belongings
Gentleman Brendan
A friend of mine did this up by Lake Placid when he was Ronnie's age, so that actually tracks.
FancyShark
Savage burn on the arson/explosion victim
"Well, I can tell you one thing about our vic. He died as he lived: poor"
gellaho
Joe decides to snack like a 1800s cowboy
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Stew and biscuits, the classic snack
FancyShark
"We serve ice cream and pasta. You want to try again, asshole?"
gellaho
Frank has a great understanding of crime
FancyShark
There's that human warmth Frank exudes
gellaho
Hu-man emotions are beyond him
More attempted murder, as per usual
