FancyShark
"That's Tetris, Joe. Turn off your Game Boy"
38: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #60: Deadfall Franklin W. Dixon
Tags:
Timber country - it's the perfect environment for murder.
Archive
gellaho
Joe is small enough to quickly roll under a car
Gentleman Brendan
We should absolutely write an Evil Hardy Boys series.
gellaho
not under their jeep, but a car
Mo's Over, Synergy
He's only three apples tall, right?
Gentleman Brendan
Two provocateurs tearing apart people's lives, exposing secrets, scandals, and shame.
FancyShark
"All the President's Men"?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The Dyhar Boys
Gentleman Brendan
Die-Hard Boyz
gellaho
Joe is smart
FancyShark
Lotta guesswork there, Joe
gellaho
The name was already revealed. Hank and Moe Nardy
FancyShark
#releasethenardycut
gellaho
already the fifth time they've eaten
Gentleman Brendan
Did not the divine TV show itself confirm to us with wondrous signs that it shall be Nardy?
gellaho
Edgar Morrison: Hippie in Chief
FancyShark
Their metabolisms drain their brains of thought
Gentleman Brendan
These two don't work hard enough to eat lumberjack breakfast.
FancyShark
"Like what you see, Joe?"
gellaho
Edgar Morrison: Tree Suit
gellaho
FancyShark
Edgar is a Lorax
Gentleman Brendan
Your honor, I practice Tree Law.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Famously a non-renewable resource, those trees
Wait hold on what's that book printed on?
GELLAHO LOOK OUT YOURE NEXT
Gentleman Brendan
Human skin, same as this entire series.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Aha phew, crisis averted
gellaho
There's my Joe, always interrupting women
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hmm why does this air taste yellow
gellaho
I bet he does
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahah
Gentleman Brendan
Walton Goggins IS: Walter Ecks IN: Hardy Boys VI: Tree Dynamite!
wait wait wait no
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
LEAFED!
Gentleman Brendan
BALLISTIC: Ecks vs. Severed Buster
gellaho
So, like 10 mph?
FancyShark
"We have only minutes to swerve!"
gellaho
Fucking dead
gellaho
Crisis averted
FancyShark
Sudden stops are the best way to survive a fall
gellaho
With no action of their own!
This Callie is no smarter than the others
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Wait hold on are thugs trying to kill us!???
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe.
FancyShark
Bulldozers act according to their nature, Callie. You can't really call it "deliberate"
Gentleman Brendan
Sometimes dudes are just working far from any job site then abandon their killdozer so it can't be traced back to the only company in town.
gellaho
Did someone try to kill us? I love hiking!
FancyShark
Okay. This girl's crazy
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
She's been smoking some of that Callie weed
gellaho
Why does everyone in this Oregon town know the niece of the local hippie? The niece who lives on the other side of the country.
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe she sleeps around, hippies do that.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
I think we all know the answer
She's the drug connection
FancyShark
I'm waiting for one of the loggers to try to shoot the Hardys out of fear they work for the IRS
Gentleman Brendan
If they don't stroll into a pot farm at this point, it's not going to happen.
gellaho
"What's a clue?" Joe and Callie asked at the same time.
FancyShark
"Sometimes dead is be- sorry, wrong speech"
Gentleman Brendan
Ballistic: Ecks vs. Buster, YESSSSS
gellaho
A dog heard a noise, so Joe goes running into the trees
Gentleman Brendan
Joe turned to see Frank's body roll to a stop.
gellaho
Joe cannot be killed, unfortunately
FancyShark
Camera pulls back to reveal Joe's been running around a playground
Gentleman Brendan
It was Fenton.
FancyShark
"Walk off the concussion, Joe"
Gentleman Brendan
Fenton: all kills
...I am ashamed of that pun, that's probably my cue to head out to the dinner party.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Fenton is the Helio to joe's Royce.
gellaho
The man had keys? Impossible!
FancyShark
"OH NO!" <sip>
Gentleman Brendan
Wasn't he exploded? There's four non-suspicious reasons his keys would be in Canada now.
gellaho
"He loved those keys! sniff What am I supposed to tell those keys now that he's dead?"
FancyShark
"Every key ever made. Ever."
Gentleman Brendan
Catch me up when I return. {savepoint}
gellaho
The Hardys break into Galen's house
FancyShark
Does he, Joe?
dr
More than Joe can count, so between 5 and 8
gellaho
Joe decides to take out his keys during this crime
FancyShark
That ruse works better when you're not already locked out
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Breaking news: redneck likes guns
gellaho
Hippie redneck
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's called 'prepping', Joe.
gellaho
Cover time!
gellaho
That's old Galen Greenpeace there
FancyShark
Holy shit. Crazed Flannel Man is a hippie!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Right at callie's heart, as illustrated.
John
"Fortunately, as the bullet left the barrel, Callie whispered, 'I wore my bulletproof vest today.'"
FancyShark
The fact that that guy is a hippie is a bigger twist than anything the writers have managed
gellaho
I WILL KILL FOR THE TREES
FancyShark
Callie's clone matrix has lost the fear of death
As it degrades further, she will lose the ability to recognize simple shapes
gellaho
I CARE DEEPLY FOR THE CREATURES OF THIS PLANET
BLAM
I BET YOU KIDS DID IT
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Best way to convince everyone you're not a murderer is to shoot them all
FancyShark
"I threaten to shoot everyone and they still say I'm crazy!"
haha, swooped
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Eat shit, Shark!
gellaho
I DON'T KNOW WHY THE LUMBERJACKS DON'T LISTEN TO ME
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Jk ❤️ u
gellaho
Poker faces everywhere
FancyShark
"I mail them deer faces and pine cone blankets and still they call me crazy!"
gellaho
Bo Johnson seems like a hoot
FancyShark
Bo could've streamlined this with the purchase of a good baseball bat
gellaho
BUT THAT'S NOT EVIDENCE OF ANYTHING
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
ALL OF THIS SUPER INCRIMINATING STUFF MEANS IM INNOCENT
FancyShark
"Yes, I was going to blow shit up with dynamite. That doesn't mean I blew something up with dynamite!"
gellaho
It's like they're trying to die
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“There's no way I could have killed him, my strangling gloves are at my other cabin and all my poisons were recently used up!”
FancyShark
"Sure, boys. Hop on my toboggan and slide down the rockface"
gellaho
MUST EAT
FancyShark
Somewhere nearby, a herd of sandwiches halt and listen
gellaho
Yes, Callie, the scene of an arson and murder is sad
FancyShark
"It's pathetic. They should have gone out of business ages ago."
gellaho
Fire can't melt steel plates
FancyShark
Or one angry Sasquatch
gellaho
Vet-fucking-Nam
gellaho
FancyShark
I was joking about First Blood!
gellaho
You hear that, Peg? Fuck you!
FancyShark
Think you can hear anything over the sound of your jaw moving, Peg?
gellaho
Peg remembers everything. Everything
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Hard to forget a thousand yard stare like Mike's
FancyShark
Robbie made Mike do it
She gets off on watching things burn
gellaho
"You should have seen the boner Mike was sporting when he heard about the explosion"
John
Only a veteran could have had this.
John
It even says rare right in the description!
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
They
Drew
First
BLOOD
FancyShark
I don't see a motive here. Let's go harass Galen some more!
gellaho
"Are you sure Callie? Maybe they're, you know"
FancyShark
Callie will not allow sex until she figures out how to get it from Frank
gellaho
"Clearly female"
gellaho
Huge knockers on Millie
John
I call bullshit that she heard from that far away, with the windows closed, over the engine noise.
FancyShark
Dat Ass is probable cause
gellaho
She better get a floppy disc drive
John
The clone must have some listening device cyborg implant.
gellaho
Get burnt, Millie
FancyShark
Same beard
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
And furthermore Susan I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to hear they both habitually smoke marijuana cigarettes.
Reefers
FancyShark
Joints
Doobies
gellaho
Stoner Mountains
FancyShark
Spliffs
Devil Sticks
Mo's Over, Synergy
Jazz cigarettes
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
FancyShark
oh, oops
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
I sometimes forget not everyone has the official band of California's full catalog memorized
gellaho
What do you think, Mike
Mo's Over, Synergy
FancyShark
"JUST BECAUSE I MURDERED YOUR FATHER?"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
gellaho
Fantastic plan, Mike
FancyShark
See? THIS is what Stan should have done
gellaho
I AM OWED ONE (1) SEX
FancyShark
The kind of love they write dirges about
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Mike should take Sublime's advice
Calm down a little
gellaho
I MURDERED YOUR FATHER, WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME
gellaho
Actually have more than one suspect in this book, bold writing
FancyShark
True. Normally we just get idiots in masks and random props falling off walls
gellaho
More snacking
FancyShark
Millie's got as much motivation as OJ to find the real killer
gellaho
Me steal checks, me get rich
FancyShark
A thieving, rat-like man named Zackarias is not what I want to see in my YA novels
gellaho
That's not how that works
gellaho
You can't just run up to another company's deliveries and say "uh, they can't pay. Sell to me"
FancyShark
Yeah. That's all kinds of not legal
gellaho
This stupid contract is clearly the motive. I don't know if there is confidentiality when the other party is dead
FancyShark
Stan, you're the prime suspect for the actual authorities
gellaho
I love this portrayal of a hippie
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
The face of peace
FancyShark
This author thinks anyone that spoke out against Vietnam was a hippie
No further research
gellaho
Hey, Frank? Nearly all of your cases are about contracts
FancyShark
THE INSURANCE MONEY
gellaho
EAT
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Ladles of bacon
FancyShark
Bacon is best served via ladle
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Traditionally yes
FancyShark
Bowls of bacon, ladled high
gellaho
I'm sure you slender children can pull off lumberjack
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The GOD DAM INSURANCE MONEY
Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics
My next ultimate nachos party, I'm ladling bacon and using tongs for the cheese
gellaho
THE GOT-DANG VIET-NAM INSURANCE MONEY
FancyShark
GOT-DAM VIET-FUCKIN-NAM INSURANCE MONEY
gellaho
Blasting snags
FancyShark
Joe, that's racist
gellaho
Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics
Snags are sausage in Australia. Don't want to think about blasting those
gellaho
Joe is easily distracted
FancyShark
Do it, Joe
Do it
DO IT
DOOOO IIIIIIIT
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Jump in the Forbidden Slide
FancyShark
Maybe it goes to Narnia. You'll never know unless you look
gellaho
Frank got there first
John
Took 15 minutes to discover the main office is in the main building? Are we absolutely sure this isn't make a wish shit?
FancyShark
"Okay, guys. This kid Joe's dying. So everyone pretend to be a criminal and we'll give him his own special day."
gellaho
Joe said "Frank!" twice instead of doing something
FancyShark
"Yeah, Joe?"
John
"You, weird kid at the computer. Tell him you're his brother. Shockingly, he'll believe you."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Ok what do we know about offices? That's right, they're inside
gellaho
Frank should definitely be doing the talking after being knocked out
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Golly gee
FancyShark
"Aren't you, like, 18? Why would you behave like this?"
gellaho
Callie not at all worried about Frank getting wood chipped
John
"Good. Now the author doesn't have to worry about that problem."
FancyShark
Meanwhile, the remains of Callie #12 fill bags of mulch
gellaho
Kids love this kind of minutiae
FancyShark
Woo! Bureaucracy!
gellaho
And so on, and so forth
FancyShark
"So your uncle's guilty?"
gellaho
Next to no evidence for any of this
FancyShark
Joan Collins. I should have known
gellaho
Who is the type who'll let you do that, Joe?
gellaho
As a seventeen year old, you shouldn't be anywhere near them
FancyShark
Authors seem to be the type to do that around the Hardys
John
I'd love to see someone write a sequel to one of these books. The bad guy goes free and their friend is convicted despite being innocent. Because the Hardys have no concept of chain of custody or rules of evidence.
gellaho
Intense Sandwiching
FancyShark
Frank is baffled at the concern for Callie's safety
gellaho
That's not what squealing is
FancyShark
Dammit, Stan
gellaho
Stan's so concerned about being a narc that he's not willing to tell theoretical contract details
With a dead man
FancyShark
Johnny Tightlips is more open than this guy
gellaho
The Hardys attempt to kill a man
FancyShark
Frank feels for the first time
The power to take a human life, it arouses him
gellaho
It's the circle of attempted murder
FancyShark
"No, Callie. That's a bullet."
gellaho
Quack quack
John
I love her optimism. Duck after you've heard the bullet. Surely you can move fast enough.
FancyShark
Frank tries to get a blowie before they die
gellaho
Frank: Master of Bullet sounds
John
How many tries does it take two (presumably very experienced) gunmen to hit something?
gellaho
Now everyone shows up with guns
FancyShark
This is a great environment when one of the people is a Vietnam vet
No way unseen shooters will set anyone off here
gellaho
Then they just leave
FancyShark
And...call the sheriff?
Guys?
GUYS?
gellaho
"Come on, Callie, pretend to be a parole officer!"
gellaho
It's so believable
FancyShark
Wow. Callie #13 really does have bad luck
gellaho
mystery
John
Everyone knows that all you have to do to get free access anywhere is claim to be a parole officer. That old trope.
gellaho
THE (car) INSURANCE MONEY
FancyShark
ALWAYS THE (car) INSURANCE MONEY!
Wait, you have to solve a murder before a rental agent knows who you are?
gellaho
You gotta save those keys, Joe
gellaho
they recently lost someone
FancyShark
Frank had never seen such beautiful hands before
gellaho
Outsmarted by Joe? That's embarrassing
FancyShark
Ooo, that's rough, Collins
You may want to try suicide
gellaho
Joe trying his best to get Callie murdered
FancyShark
Now Collins exploded!
"Grab the barrel! Put it in your mouth!"
gellaho
This is some goofy ass fighting
FancyShark
This is just drunks wrestling outside a bar
gellaho
A glittering knife swipe
FancyShark
"Curse your rapier wit, Joe Hardy!"
gellaho
Collins has the shiniest knife in town
FancyShark
Joe's idea: sandwich
gellaho
Time for the log flume
FancyShark
2ft deep? Is this the kiddie flume?
gellaho
This is written so weirdly
gellaho
I can't really articulate why, but this some of the goofiest shit I've read
FancyShark
The author learned about the logging industry and, dammit, we're gonna read about it
FancyShark
We're getting more details on the flume layout than the fight
Like, if the setting's that complicated, maybe find a different one?