A fateful encounter between star-roving races, by the author of the Hugo-winning novel DRAGONFLIGHT!
Archive
gellaho
In the epic conclusion to Ladies' Month in the Book Cage, what happens when an author of successful dragon books attempts writing a book about cat people and humans founding a colony at the exact same time? For some reason, a lot of mass suicide. This Friday, we'll find out how and why the back of this book is mostly lies when we read 1969's (nice) Decision at Doona by Anne McCaffrey at 5pm eastern.
gellaho
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Nice
gellaho
@Brockway pin this or I will force you to pronounce all the Hrruban names, like Hrrto, Hrral, or Hrrestan
Dolphin cop Thrillho
That back cover has alternate universe MGM energy
gellaho
Btw, I think those cat people are supposed to be 6 feet tall, so that is a miniature dude
public jakesy no. 1
SPACEDEP
gellaho
I have such wonders to show you
public jakesy no. 1
So much dep
Wolfbang Howlbig
Shit. I think I'm going to be in Vegas for Doona
Wait
I'll be waiting for people at the hotel
Gentleman Brendan
Real cool of you to end Ladies' Month the first week of Women's History Month, you MGTOW subversive.
Those cats sure do look like Fox-Sloths.
gellaho
Decision at Doona is coming up on the hour. Here's the exciting preview: about bridges!!!!
gellaho
And here you can familiarize yourself with the author
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This sounds painfully erotic
gellaho
This was released in 1969, the most erotic of all years
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Nice
I'm giving Anne McCaffrey some benefit of doubt because I enjoyed her book on the history of dragons in Western culture. But that About the Author page is raising some early flags
gellaho
Before we begin, let me introduce you to the wonderfully named cat people characters
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah, that's not gonna get confusing
Gentleman Brendan
FIVE ON THE NOSE
gellaho
Who could forget such characters as "Third Speaker for Internal Affairs" and "Seventh Speaker for Management"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
As indelible as Oliver Twist, the Count of Monte Cristo, or the Pringles guy
Hi, Brendan!
Gentleman Brendan
This is your leaf, Bhodi: LIE!
Hi, Shancy Fark
gellaho
Obviously, we all know Todd
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Of COURSE to Todd
Gentleman Brendan
Why did we get a dramatis personae if 60% of them are just the nameless title they'll go by?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I would have so much respect for Anne if she never mentioned those characters again
Gentleman Brendan
I respect this introduction. Far above the usual "Peter Droona lives in a house in Maine with four cats, three of whom respect him. He is found making decisions daily."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Memorize these names. They will never reoccur."
Gentleman Brendan
Third Minister of the Interior Hrrunk? No, my mistake, Seventh Minister of the Deciding Hrrona.
gellaho
Well known cat people behavior, chair shuffling
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The senior scout can't suppress the other guy's bow?
gellaho
Behold: a meeting
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Fucking YES. Read back the minutes, Anne!
Hell yeah, Third! That rapier wit can't be held down!
gellaho
I wonder where this idea came from
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Math?
Gentleman Brendan
Slow start, if I'm being brutally kind.
Ramb$ne Gracie with Scythe
Following the naming conventions, I'm Hrrrrrrrrmb$ne
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah. Most conferences fire out the gate
Gentleman Brendan
Weren't the first few years of Trek fanfiction dominated by woman authors? I smell converted work.
gellaho
May I present: the boredom suicides
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Let's see how she describes the forehead wrinkles
public jakesy no. 1
The Prime Rule
gellaho
There is a lot of suicide talk in this here book
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Adventure!
gellaho
Behold a race too bored to work or fuck
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's actually clever to reveal this during a conference meeting
Gentleman Brendan
If I lived on a dying planet, I'd probabl--OHHHHH.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
duuuuuude
Gentleman Brendan
Send my son in a rocket to a nearby world.
gellaho
Gasp this is quite the reveal. I guess
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Scandal!
How do you hint something like that with your eyes?
Gentleman Brendan
She gave us all these nameless people but no hierarchy.
gellaho
Meet Ken. He's human
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Hi, Ken
Gentleman Brendan
This book is indulging in what Twain called "The woman screamed."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I'm assuming Ken is the audience surrogate
gellaho
He's going to Doona. That's about all you need to know about him
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
What's that?
Gentleman Brendan
"Don't just say 'the woman screamed.' Bring her on and let her scream!"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Wow, Ken and Pat have qualified for Whitest Family of 1969
gellaho
I'm assuming this fart is important to the plot
Gentleman Brendan
it reads more like the outline than the execution.
Is this the same Todd?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
There is only one Todd
gellaho
Codep, spacedep, and Alredep
gellaho
Your guess is as good as mine
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Dr. Hu Shih
gellaho
Don't think I was joking about the suicide thing
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Does Codep mean "dentist"?
Because suicide should not be common enough to be a casual talking point for a job
And also, dentists have a high suicide rate
gellaho
Ken's going to be free on Doona!
gellaho
Next page: They have already arrived on Doona, formed a settlement, and survived a long winter
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Having the hero prematurely celebrate being able to feel is setting up some dark possibilities
gellaho
Surprise!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
😱
DAMN
Anne's not fucking around
Kinda seems like we could have skipped the whole last chapter at this rate
gellaho
That fart was really important though
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's true
Ken's really grown as a character since then
gellaho
For some reason none of the women came
Gentleman Brendan
Ezra likes to fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Lee communicates through WWE antics
gellaho
Oh, also the cats are here
Gentleman Brendan
Will the men still form a circle and each tug the tallywacker behind him once the wives arrive?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I'm sure they will. It'll be christened "poker night"
Gentleman Brendan
This novel moves faster than Ezra pulling down his wife's panties.s
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Sure miss my wife. There's furries in a village nearby. Can't wait for spring."
gellaho
Larry randomly gains a speech impediment
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
uhhhhh
gellaho
That's when the mockery is gone
So I guess he talks normally when mocking
Gentleman Brendan
Welcome to the town of Yiff. I am Hrrbrrglrr. This is my wife, Mrrbrrglss
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Lawrence's "normal" voice sounds awful racist
Gentleman Brendan
Uh...
gellaho
All that backbreaking work. I assume, we did not see it
Gentleman Brendan
Larry had better be the only one allowed to talk like that.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And he better not be allowed to talk like that again
Gentleman Brendan
are aliens a known thing?
It sounds like they already know there are aliens.
You wouldn't be so weirded out by the other alien settlers.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
They know aliens exist, but their goal is to avoid planets with sentient alien life
gellaho
Hey look, a second prime directive. What a coincidence
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Because last time they populated a world with sentient aliens, the aliens all killed themselves
gellaho
I also feel like this would work better if you didn't start the book telling us that the cat people are also making a settlement on this planet
Because it now has the air of a comedic misunderstanding, and I don't think that's what she's going for
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah. This is less "share the land" and more "you took our camping spot"
Gentleman Brendan
I thought that was the aliens' goal.
gellaho
Turns out it's the cat people and the human's goal
Wakka wakka
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
pfffttt
gellaho
That's why you have two prime directives
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ohhhh
Gentleman Brendan
C'mon, what are the odds a SECOND species would meet humans and eradicate itself in despair for the univ--how many? Well how many is ALL? Jesus Christ, it's four digits?
gellaho
Oh, that's not even what it is
It's far dumber
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
We need to stop introducing ourselves via Limp Bizkit
gellaho
Seems weird that Earth would be so overpopulated when any dingdong can get off planet
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Awww, Anne thinks you need to be married to have kids
gellaho
Space Department, Colonial Department, and Alien Relations Department
gellaho
If you aren't meeting aliens it seems weird to have that department, but sure
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
There were a lot of disappointed, horny nerds that left the Alien Relations Department interview
gellaho
Nineteen planets can still hold a lot of people
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Interplanetary travel but no birth control
gellaho
See if you can spot the huge bombshell she drops in the middle of this. Then just skips past
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe part of their problem is they're letting people reproduce at replacement levels.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
BLACKMAIL?!
Gentleman Brendan
Now we know why the first species extinguished itself: to avoid talking to pervs.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"I swear to Gorp, just one more dick-pic and I'm buying a gun."
gellaho
I'm not sure she's actually going to come back to the massive subliminal campaign
Gentleman Brendan
They had to prime people to agree that dogs and burgers were a good idea.
gellaho
Unexplained mass suicide, cool
Gentleman Brendan
"Should we have an entire planet dedicated to butter production? Before you answer, have a slice of bread."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Jesus Christ, Anne, get some help!
gellaho
It's weird that the assumption is that would happen every time you met a new alien race
Gentleman Brendan
"Wow, we must really be cosmic assholes. We'll have to keep doing what we're doing but avoid anyone who calls us out on it."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"How was the first meeting with the Atlassians?"
"Pretty good. They stabbed their own eyes out after we shook hands. But they said 'Hi' first!"
gellaho
If you don't want to possibly contaminate them, why are you making contact?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Smash cut to Larry, pissing on the cat people's lawns
gellaho
I understand that you have to wait for your spaceships to come pick you up, because you don't have any here (which seems like a great idea by the way), but still
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ken is being deployed because he was in debate club?
gellaho
She also is saying that there are ships coming with the children and womenfolk, but for some reason they have to wait for other ships to leave on
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ships don't turn around. They're one-use and then you toss them in the trash.
gellaho
Seriously, how tiny are people in the future
gellaho
Six foot tall!? They are like the giants of old!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"We'll have to ride on each other's shoulders. Three or four of us should be able to match one of them."
Gentleman Brendan
You have to breed smaller humans if you want to overpopulate the earth so dogs don't fit.
gellaho
I'm so horny, I need to have have her soon
Gentleman Brendan
I have missed 14% of my child's life. I hope she's still a miserable bag of frowns.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Hello, my grave-faced girl-woman"
Todd's on the spectrum, but this was in the 60's, so that means he has psychic powers
gellaho
Excuse me
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Deceptive or secretive beef is called "Chef Boyardee"
Gentleman Brendan
well-hung
I'm not liking how many things Anne predicted.
gellaho
You know cats, with their wide caveman-esque brows
Gentleman Brendan
apparently people in the future consider hyphens vestigial.
Reeve gasped: plainly these cats were D. T. F.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Obvious maleness
gellaho
During the first contact game of catch, Ken turns into a 19th century dandy
Still less offensive than squatting down and jabbering MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW
hEY LOOK you DUMB caTs
gellaho
Next page: Ken has already made a friend, visited their village, and is returning with Hrrula to the human village. They also both reek
Gentleman Brendan
I speak your language: LASAGNA NAPS
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Takes out a laser pointer. "I AM YOUR GOD!"
gellaho
These prime directives are working out great
Gentleman Brendan
I watched a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend today all about how much CATS sucks, so I am ready for this.
Cats don't sweat, Anne.
Maybe your space-cats do, in which case they're catlike humans and we can stay on Doona.
gellaho
Seems like this Hrrula is a real know-it-all
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Aliens are real assholes, always trying to figure out communication and whatnot
gellaho
Seems like there are a lot of signs that these might not be ancient primitives
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I'm sure Anne will cover this in more detail
gellaho
So many signs
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Just a two-stroke engine? Wow, okay, Mr. Space Man"
gellaho
It's possible that species committed suicide because they kept being told they stank
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Hrrula sprays them both
gellaho
They came out of nowhere, and they seem very sophisticated. What could this all mean
Gentleman Brendan
I can't compete with this humor streak. Take my title and my lands, Gentleman Shark.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
You are far too kind
I'm waiting for the reveal that the cat people are just humans
gellaho
I wouldn't think you'd need aphrodisiacs at this point
Gentleman Brendan
I'm laughing my ass off at humanity accidentally bullying an entire species.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ben's testing the waters before admitting he just fucks deer
Gentleman Brendan
"Hey, wouldn't it be wild if these cats were polyamorous like earth cats? Hey, maybe their deer are sentient too--""
gellaho
We interrupt this jolly horniness to present: "Genocide: A Good and Necessary Idea?"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
No. SLAVERY was the easiest solution to-
You know what? Fuck you, Anne
Gentleman Brendan
Just feels like it's a cultural problem, not a resource problem.
gellaho
Lawrence, Hu, and Adjei all stem from the same civilization, right?
Gentleman Brendan
These aliens kick ass.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Give us more of Guess Who's Coming to Doona and less race war, Anne
gellaho
Very next page, "We are so culturally sensitive"
gellaho
Gentleman Brendan
Lee's face darkened bitterly. "We'll see your thoughts on genocide when you find Hrrongrr barbs-deep in your wife, Reeve."
GlowingFish
Sorry to come in late, just checking, this is Anne McCafferey?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It is!
She's trying sci-fi
gellaho
Back to the Cat Planet
Gentleman Brendan
Have we figured out the Hrr / Kzin relationship? Is it like Kryptonian/Daxamite?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
There's a joke somewhere in there about herding cats and the fact that the cat planet has a massive bureaucracy
gellaho
The First Speaker is excited at the prospect of peaceful exchange? Violence? More suicides? I'm not sure
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This is turning into a sitcom
gellaho
I'm not sure why Anne thinks the first step of any cultural meeting is suicicde
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"I know! We'll scare them and then the rec center will be ours!"
gellaho
Well, now he's saying peace
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It's especially unsettling because she's not giving any indication she doesn't know what suicide is
"Fellow Speakers, we have met another intelligent race. I recommend suicide."
gellaho
You have to win all situations, including learning
gellaho
You need to kick education's ass
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Goddamn right
That's the real lesson of graduate school
gellaho
And, yes, I know you are very excited about the promised bridge
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
IS IT BRIDGE TIME?!
gellaho
You bet your ass
gellaho
The most deadly of all technology
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
YES!
Gentleman Brendan
A species that prompts self-extermination moves in next door to one suffering a rash of suicides.
TUESDAYS ON ABC
gellaho
A bridge is a guaranteed path towards violence
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Just ask the River Kwai
Gentleman Brendan
At what point are they going to stop acting like Hrrula is the kid that eats paste?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Probably when they find him in bed with their wives
Gentleman Brendan
"Yes, very good Hrrula! Bridge! To cross WAH-TURR"
gellaho
I don't think this is true, Anne
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Why don't they just terraform the surrounding area to redirect the river? Oh well, they seem nice."
gellaho
THE WORLD WAS PEACEFUL BEFORE THOSE DAMNABLE BRIDGES
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Employment sucks. What have I missed?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Is the twist going to be that the cat people genocided the actual natives?
Gentleman Brendan
That would be amazing.
Seriously, write that movie.
Do Avatar only to realize you're in the majors now.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Make the natives mouse people though.
gellaho
Boy, that doesn't help me understand the pronunciation
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Hi, GDC! Anne McCaffrey is telling us a story about humans and a race of cat people that are both worried about landing on a planet inhabited by intelligent species
Also, Anne thinks every meeting between new cultures causes suicide
Gentleman Brendan
It's a romcom we think.
Separate but equal under the grass.
gellaho
Yay
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
But the humans totally helped
gellaho
You'll never guess what the First Speaker thinks is the only solution for leaving
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"I'm thinking mass suicide. HEAR ME OUT!"
Gentleman Brendan
It's odd that we're not seeing Hrrula talk to all these speakers.
It's like they're watching TV.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The cats in the back are taking bets on how long it takes the first speaker to suggest mass suicide.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
holy shit, what if this IS just Avatar and the "natives" are all the avatar robots?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Last time it took him one full round of suggestions. What you got this time?"
gellaho
Don't worry, the third has his own opinion: MURDER
Gentleman Brendan
Prated
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
As Monty Python once said, a murder is just an extroverted suicide
Gentleman Brendan
Death by KILLING!
gellaho
Violence is inevitable, thus is bridge law
Gentleman Brendan
We build bridges so we have something to burn.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
duuuuuude
gellaho
The cats' position makes even less sense, given they know humans have space travel
gellaho
But I guess this sitcom premise must continue
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
More sitcoms need genocide/suicide as the consequence they're trying to avoid
gellaho
Look at this racist cat
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Dude, Third, too far
gellaho
That's nice, they aren't going to murder the children
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The sphinx in the fourth row took particular umbrage to the bareskin remark.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I just realized all of these conference room discussions work way better if you imagine all the dialogue is being attributed to a box of kittens
gellaho
The bridge stands, ominously
Gentleman Brendan
sorry, are we just watching the humans and cats go through the exact same concerns all book?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It's to show that, like, are we really so different?
Also, it really pads the book's length
gellaho
All great relationships start with subterfuge
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Hairball?
Do it, Anne. I dare you
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Hrral would be terrible at poker with such an obvious tell.
Gentleman Brendan
sky-traveling ships
gellaho
The family ship has arrived and, like, omigawd
Gentleman Brendan
The humans decide to tie all the Hrr in a bag and throw it in the river
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Why, are they allergic?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
We gotta clean everything up before the landlord sees!
gellaho
If this is what space travel looks and sounds like, how would these two species not notice each other landing
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
When was this published?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
1969
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
They also make sure to sound out a line of airhorns before each door opens
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Huh, these alien cats predate the ones in Larry Niven books, Star trek, and Wing commander.
gellaho
Spicy wife, spicy life
Gentleman Brendan
I, the reader, am curious why they can't contacttheship.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And with that, the gargoyles emerged
gellaho
Everybody hates Ken's son
gellaho
Possibly because Todd is a sociopath
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The kid's head splits in half and a shrieking maw of teeth erupts out, demanding fruit snacks
Oh, good. A psycho child is perfect when there's a bunch of cats around
gellaho
Oh, 1969
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
If he spent more time with his kids he would have known to expect shots to the sack from kids that age.
gellaho
Hell yeah, party Todd
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Better hope the kid suicides soon
gellaho
Future child care seems fun
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"he was passed out and foaming at the mouth when I imprisoned him. I'm sure he's fine."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
CTE is the best babysitter of all
gellaho
Uh oh, Anne
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
oh no
oooohhh noooooo
gellaho
Mass suicide caused by a pronunciation mistake
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That's a fucking magic spell, Anne
This is Social Anxiety, the Book
gellaho
You know, Anne, I'd expect you to have a better idea than this
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Something tells me the author was called Anncaff at some point.
gellaho
Todd's on the loose
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Todd's going to cause a race war. Every parent's nightmare.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Either that or he'll come home crying with a face full of scratch marks.
gellaho
Todd has magic language powers. But still grabs tails
Gentleman Brendan
"Slapped my kid harder than I meant to" is probably a much worse impression to make on aliens.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Todd grabs some rebar and a scalpel, determined to have a tail
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Hrrestan's done more actual parenting with Todd than his parents.
gellaho
Uh oh, Todd's a furry
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe this is anthrocentric but if your species can't countenance a single, struggling mistake from an outsider, stay on your home planet.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Todd is one step closer to creating 4chan
He's already a furry and an amoral monster
gellaho
Hrrula thinks that pulling tails is the sign of a great leader
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"My kid's a failure. Go to hell, spacecat."
gellaho
DAMN YOU BRIDGE!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
BRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDGGGGGE!
Just so we're clear, the entirety of the conflict so far is worrying about offending people and depression over a bridge, right?
gellaho
Must be confusing to use a language with only five sounds and a maximum of six letters
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That and only the cat people recognize how awesome Todd is.
gellaho
BRIIIIIIIDGE
Gentleman Brendan
The Hrrulans cherish Todd, for he is a sociopathic predator, as all cats are.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Briiiiiidge!
gellaho
Or as they say, Zodd. Because Z is easier to pronounce than T
Somehow
Gentleman Brendan
They made him a general!
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Kneel before Todd?
wait, holy shit
Zodd and the hero is named Reeve
Anne predicted Superman!
gellaho
"We gave them presents, and they killed themselves."
Gentleman Brendan
How many pages in are we are that they're still whimpering over whether or not to go?
This is the "I'm no good for you" emo boyfriend of sci-fi
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"We gave them TLC and A&E and they just gave up."
gellaho
You guys are really obtuse with this prime directive thing
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Quit moving the goalposts!
gellaho
"They say our non-interference requires non-interference? What's up with that!?"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Next you're gonna tell us to leave them alone!"
gellaho
In the future, microphones are impossible to hide
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
And thus wiretapping is born
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I love how in the 60s sci Fi writers assumed that in the future we will still record things on tape.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
They envisioned every advancement except digital media
CD's must have knocked them on their asses
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
60s writers also assumed future computers would still be gigantic and centralized.
gellaho
What a ridiculous assertion
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Lawrence is bringing unprecedented amounts of sass
gellaho
Hrrula just sitting there, thinking this is all fine
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"He's not staring at us while licking himself, is he?"
Gentleman Brendan
"It's okay, we didn't reciprocate when he shared his culture so he doesn't know what we're saying. Ha ha! Dumb cavecat."
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I still love that they're so worried over a bridge and not about what the Hrr will do when they find out about what we do to our pets
gellaho
Then they ride around on horses
Here's the world's worst song
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The laughter is not friendly
gellaho
They all have the space madness
Gentleman Brendan
Lawrence is a lady?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The cat people are introduced to the human custom of 'heckling'.
Gentleman Brendan
Do...do we know Lawrence's ethnicity?
"I'd like to buy the world a home, and furnish it with HRR"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I will take this song over anything by Creed
gellaho
Lee Lawrence is married to Sally Lawrence
I'm getting real sick of this magic six year old
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Psychic powers, I'm telling you
gellaho
Wo can innately speak alien languages, swim, Houdini out of locked houses
Gentleman Brendan
Ken still amazed his friends have civilization.
Starting to think Ken's a critique of European colonialism.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ken's gonna start Doona Gate over Ethics in Aliens
, beb
gellaho
Really into skinning animals
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Eyes snapping with pleasure?
gellaho
I think it's more that they are on the verge of worshipping his son as a god
Gentleman Brendan
"Your son is exceptionally cruel. We revere him."
gellaho
Looks like the people at Spacedep were able to figure out what the morons on planet weren't
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Reeve is immediately executed
Gentleman Brendan
Spacederp
gellaho
And the cat people have up and left
Gentleman Brendan
Why don't they just ask the Hrrala if they're native?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Sitcom dilemma
Gentleman Brendan
Oh damn, they dumped US.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
What?! But we made a bridge!
gellaho
The Hrrubans are pretending that they are native
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ooohhhhhhh
gellaho
So they don't have to commit mass suicide or whatever the First Speaker said
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Sure, that tracks
gellaho
I hate this kid
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Now Todd wishes him into the cornfield
gellaho
I also hate this chapter title
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
ugh
Oh right, cameras
Gentleman Brendan
Poor old Micheal Goneagin
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
60's writers never imagined cameras wouldn't need film
Gentleman Brendan
BAD FRIENDS
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I would have gone with 'hereagin today, goneagin tomorrow'.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I appreciate you abstaining from that
gellaho
Excuse me
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
uh
m-maybe he means stomach pump?
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe he's against breast-pumping and only fresh milk will do.
I often dictate to women how their bodies must be employed for the good of my sirelings, to become perfect genetic specimens who will make me glorious in the eyes of the LORD.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Pounding and pumping in the same sentence. What does it mean?
gellaho
I guess in between chapters the investigator left and the Hrrubans came back
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I'm getting whiplash from these narrative jumps
gellaho
No shit, that is ironical
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
They're cats. Cats wander off all the time and come back only when they feel like it.
God, it's like these people have been on a planet that didn't have room for animals.
gellaho
That must have been one hell of a long time scratching if it was in binary
Gentleman Brendan
Ken memorized the binary pattern and memorized up to three letters.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
It's getting confusing when Anne switches between first and last names for the same character
gellaho
What are these "flapped jacks?"
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Butter, like you called it, @Gentleman Brendan
Gentleman Brendan
they grew a maple tree in one year?
gellaho
Then a stampede caused by a big reptile
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
bwwwaaaaa?
Snake? SNAKE? SNNNAAAAAAAAAAKE!
gellaho
Cats disappeared again
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Must have heard the carrier getting pulled out of the closet
gellaho
And they stole Todd
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Hey, no downside
Gentleman Brendan
Todd has already shared the nuclear defense codes.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Goddammit, Todd
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Todd has correctly elected to live among the cat people.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
I guess boys will be boys
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He chose the cats who revered him over his abusive parents. Smart kid.
Gentleman Brendan
gotta go eat cobb salad. Or as your people call it, HRR Salad
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
hrrnjoy, Brendan!
gellaho
Landreau's back, and he wants to go probing
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
awww yeeeaaaahhhh
wait, the kid? EWWW
gellaho
Four people from Codep showed up, and they've all decided that the colonists made up the Hrrubans
Because apparently the Hrrubans can go past shields and probes undetected
But mass suicide was their first option
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Anne must've been going through some shit when she wrote this
gellaho
Ken's spent the last several pages yelling at every government agent he can find. Which is a great strategy
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
In a lot of books the author really makes it clear whether or not they're a cat person. But here I'm getting a lot of mixed signals.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
She said she had five cats in the About the Author section
I'm suspecting some of them were not as wanted as the others
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Yeah I have the same feeling about my three.
gellaho
That's definitely going to work Ken
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
yeah, that line never precedes a murder
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This is a very early use of the term 'space marine'.
When was starship troopers published?
gellaho
Ken somehow escapes on a horse
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
1959!?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ah, so it's not that original.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Still, holy crap, 1959
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I didn't realize it was that early
gellaho
Meanwhile, somewhere
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I always thought Forever War was a rebuttal to Starship Troopers, but there's a whole lot of extra context Haldeman was working under if Troopers was pre-vietnam.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The cats are remarkably chill about the GIANT SNAKES
gellaho
I hate this kid
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This is Where The Wild Things Are, but dumber and less fun
gellaho
I'm not really clear on what is happening. There's still no explanation for why they left at the worst time
gellaho
But now they have intimate knowledge of human bureaucracy
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
And thanks to this book we have intimate knowledge of cat alien bureaucracy.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Check and mate
gellaho
Hrrula making a rock n roll entrance
gellaho
And immediate exit
gellaho
Ken doesn't listen to the "non-violent" part
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ken stomps the man's head into paste while he tries to think of the right words for diplomacy
gellaho
Metal objects are proof of aliens
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Landreau got caught on candid cat-camera.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ken calls Landreau's kids and tells them their father is dead, just to grind his nose in it
Sorry for the initial boo's. I read "catmera"
gellaho
People from alien relations have arrived, and they apparently knew about the Hrrubans
gellaho
But not that the Hrrubans had transporters
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Seems like a PHONE CALL WOULD HAVE HELPED
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Wish I'd thought of that.
gellaho
Then Mr Suicide shows up
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
"Todd, you're adopted."
gellaho
I hate this kid
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah, this is getting old
Ken's going to have to hit Todd extra hard to show him he made the wrong choice
gellaho
So there's a lot of talk about Hrruban formal conduct. Not much happens. The cats are a maybe on a treaty
Then they leave again
gellaho
Excellent point Anne. Maybe write something else
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
If they go it will be trouble, but if they stay it will be double.
Gentleman Brendan
I would like to point out that a guard who shows up for half a page of exposition gets a name but the Third Speaker of Droona-Deciding does hrr-not.
gellaho
I hate this kid
gellaho
I'm sure they all joined brains and spoke at the same time, sure
gellaho
I hate this kid so much
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
So the lesson here is beat your child until they become a diplomat
or ambassador
gellaho
It just never ends
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Anne? Is this all important to the resolution?
ANNE?
gellaho
Seems really peaceful
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Mutual isolation
gellaho
She's writing out the whole damn treaty
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
dear god
gellaho
Why the fuck would you agree to this
gellaho
She has also stopped calling it "Doona" and started calling it "Rrala" because that's what the Hrrubans call it
But they aren't native to the planet, so I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE'S DOING THAT
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
They counter with requiring all cat people to pray to Jesus
gellaho
I hate how this is phrased
gellaho
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
uhhhh
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Was that second d dropped from Todd's name on purpose?
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Was 1969 still a time where people didn't think it was weird for kids to be nude and/or really intimate with each other?
gellaho
That's the end, I guess
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Ken and Hrrula gonna fuuuuuuuck
gellaho
That last thirty pages was incomprehensible alien ceremony and speechifying
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
She didn't write the next book until 1992
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
So the conclusion of the book is that the cat people and humans are cool with each other, which seemed like the case for the whole book, except for some bureaucrats.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah
ADVENTURE!
gellaho
I am tempted
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Go to book jail, Anne McCaffrey.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Honestly, I liked this readthrough more than the French book
gellaho
That was basically all 240 pages of it, yes
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
The story was boring garbage, but McCaffrey didn't have the painful writing style of some of the authors we've read
Granted, she also isn't the fun kind of crazy/awesome as Hawke
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I wasn't cringing at her prose, that's true.
gellaho
On reflection, that child did not get hit in the head enough
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I should read her Pern series.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Let us know how they are
And thanks for another book reading, @gellaho, Town Tamer !
gellaho
This was a plot that could maybe last a single episode of Star Trek
Gentleman Brendan
"At this point Todd helped Sumitral win a very important concession" is exactly that Twain thing I'm talking about.
gellaho
Not a whole ass book
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
Yeah. This was a TNG subplot
Story A
Gentleman Brendan
This is how the world of Doona ends. Not with a meow but a purr.
Gentleman Brendan
I would say, sentence for sentence, Hawke is a better writer.
I mean they both wrote entire novels were the story starts on p. 101 but at least he directly and briefly describes the action rather than reporting it.
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
This is true
His books are a lot more fun to read
gellaho
That subliminal blackmailing thing never came up again
FancyShark, Foe of Flip Hammer
That was so weird!
How do you blackmail a child into believing in animal heroes?
gellaho
And she never really went back to why the Hrrubans showed up in loin cloths anyway. Or why they kept leaving
At any rate, The Book Cage: Ladies' Edition is over
