In the epic conclusion to Ladies' Month in the Book Cage, what happens when an author of successful dragon books attempts writing a book about cat people and humans founding a colony at the exact same time? For some reason, a lot of mass suicide. This Friday, we'll find out how and why the back of this book is mostly lies when we read 1969's (nice) Decision at Doona by Anne McCaffrey at 5pm eastern.
Nice
@Brockway pin this or I will force you to pronounce all the Hrruban names, like Hrrto, Hrral, or Hrrestan
That back cover has alternate universe MGM energy
Btw, I think those cat people are supposed to be 6 feet tall, so that is a miniature dude
SPACEDEP
I have such wonders to show you
So much dep
Shit. I think I'm going to be in Vegas for Doona
Wait
I'll be waiting for people at the hotel
Real cool of you to end Ladies' Month the first week of Women's History Month, you MGTOW subversive.
Those cats sure do look like Fox-Sloths.
Decision at Doona is coming up on the hour. Here's the exciting preview: about bridges!!!!
And here you can familiarize yourself with the author
This sounds painfully erotic
This was released in 1969, the most erotic of all years
Nice
I'm giving Anne McCaffrey some benefit of doubt because I enjoyed her book on the history of dragons in Western culture. But that About the Author page is raising some early flags
Before we begin, let me introduce you to the wonderfully named cat people characters
Yeah, that's not gonna get confusing
FIVE ON THE NOSE
Who could forget such characters as "Third Speaker for Internal Affairs" and "Seventh Speaker for Management"
As indelible as Oliver Twist, the Count of Monte Cristo, or the Pringles guy
Hi, Brendan!
This is your leaf, Bhodi: LIE!
Hi, Shancy Fark
Obviously, we all know Todd
Of COURSE to Todd
Why did we get a dramatis personae if 60% of them are just the nameless title they'll go by?
I would have so much respect for Anne if she never mentioned those characters again
I respect this introduction. Far above the usual "Peter Droona lives in a house in Maine with four cats, three of whom respect him. He is found making decisions daily."
"Memorize these names. They will never reoccur."
Third Minister of the Interior Hrrunk? No, my mistake, Seventh Minister of the Deciding Hrrona.
Well known cat people behavior, chair shuffling
The senior scout can't suppress the other guy's bow?
Behold: a meeting
Fucking YES. Read back the minutes, Anne!
Hell yeah, Third! That rapier wit can't be held down!
I wonder where this idea came from
Math?
Slow start, if I'm being brutally kind.
Following the naming conventions, I'm Hrrrrrrrrmb$ne
Yeah. Most conferences fire out the gate
Weren't the first few years of Trek fanfiction dominated by woman authors? I smell converted work.
May I present: the boredom suicides
Let's see how she describes the forehead wrinkles
The Prime Rule
There is a lot of suicide talk in this here book
Adventure!
Behold a race too bored to work or fuck
That's actually clever to reveal this during a conference meeting
If I lived on a dying planet, I'd probabl--OHHHHH.
duuuuuude
Send my son in a rocket to a nearby world.
Gasp this is quite the reveal. I guess
Scandal!
How do you hint something like that with your eyes?
She gave us all these nameless people but no hierarchy.
Meet Ken. He's human
Hi, Ken
This book is indulging in what Twain called "The woman screamed."
I'm assuming Ken is the audience surrogate
He's going to Doona. That's about all you need to know about him
What's that?
"Don't just say 'the woman screamed.' Bring her on and let her scream!"
Wow, Ken and Pat have qualified for Whitest Family of 1969
I'm assuming this fart is important to the plot
it reads more like the outline than the execution.
Is this the same Todd?
There is only one Todd
Codep, spacedep, and Alredep
Your guess is as good as mine
Dr. Hu Shih
Don't think I was joking about the suicide thing
Does Codep mean "dentist"?
Because suicide should not be common enough to be a casual talking point for a job
And also, dentists have a high suicide rate
Ken's going to be free on Doona!
Next page: They have already arrived on Doona, formed a settlement, and survived a long winter
Having the hero prematurely celebrate being able to feel is setting up some dark possibilities
Surprise!
😱
DAMN
Anne's not fucking around
Kinda seems like we could have skipped the whole last chapter at this rate
That fart was really important though
That's true
Ken's really grown as a character since then
For some reason none of the women came
Ezra likes to fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
Lee communicates through WWE antics
Oh, also the cats are here
Will the men still form a circle and each tug the tallywacker behind him once the wives arrive?
I'm sure they will. It'll be christened "poker night"
This novel moves faster than Ezra pulling down his wife's panties.s
"Sure miss my wife. There's furries in a village nearby. Can't wait for spring."
Larry randomly gains a speech impediment
uhhhhh
That's when the mockery is gone
So I guess he talks normally when mocking
Welcome to the town of Yiff. I am Hrrbrrglrr. This is my wife, Mrrbrrglss
Lawrence's "normal" voice sounds awful racist
Uh...
All that backbreaking work. I assume, we did not see it
Larry had better be the only one allowed to talk like that.
And he better not be allowed to talk like that again
are aliens a known thing?
It sounds like they already know there are aliens.
You wouldn't be so weirded out by the other alien settlers.
They know aliens exist, but their goal is to avoid planets with sentient alien life
Hey look, a second prime directive. What a coincidence
Because last time they populated a world with sentient aliens, the aliens all killed themselves
I also feel like this would work better if you didn't start the book telling us that the cat people are also making a settlement on this planet
Because it now has the air of a comedic misunderstanding, and I don't think that's what she's going for
Yeah. This is less "share the land" and more "you took our camping spot"
I thought that was the aliens' goal.
Turns out it's the cat people and the human's goal
Wakka wakka
pfffttt
That's why you have two prime directives
ohhhh
C'mon, what are the odds a SECOND species would meet humans and eradicate itself in despair for the univ--how many? Well how many is ALL? Jesus Christ, it's four digits?
Oh, that's not even what it is
It's far dumber
We need to stop introducing ourselves via Limp Bizkit
Seems weird that Earth would be so overpopulated when any dingdong can get off planet
Awww, Anne thinks you need to be married to have kids
Space Department, Colonial Department, and Alien Relations Department
If you aren't meeting aliens it seems weird to have that department, but sure
There were a lot of disappointed, horny nerds that left the Alien Relations Department interview
Nineteen planets can still hold a lot of people
Interplanetary travel but no birth control
See if you can spot the huge bombshell she drops in the middle of this. Then just skips past
Maybe part of their problem is they're letting people reproduce at replacement levels.
BLACKMAIL?!
Now we know why the first species extinguished itself: to avoid talking to pervs.
"I swear to Gorp, just one more dick-pic and I'm buying a gun."
I'm not sure she's actually going to come back to the massive subliminal campaign
They had to prime people to agree that dogs and burgers were a good idea.
Unexplained mass suicide, cool
"Should we have an entire planet dedicated to butter production? Before you answer, have a slice of bread."
Jesus Christ, Anne, get some help!
It's weird that the assumption is that would happen every time you met a new alien race
"Wow, we must really be cosmic assholes. We'll have to keep doing what we're doing but avoid anyone who calls us out on it."
"How was the first meeting with the Atlassians?"
"Pretty good. They stabbed their own eyes out after we shook hands. But they said 'Hi' first!"
If you don't want to possibly contaminate them, why are you making contact?
Smash cut to Larry, pissing on the cat people's lawns
I understand that you have to wait for your spaceships to come pick you up, because you don't have any here (which seems like a great idea by the way), but still
Ken is being deployed because he was in debate club?
She also is saying that there are ships coming with the children and womenfolk, but for some reason they have to wait for other ships to leave on
Ships don't turn around. They're one-use and then you toss them in the trash.
Seriously, how tiny are people in the future
Six foot tall!? They are like the giants of old!
"We'll have to ride on each other's shoulders. Three or four of us should be able to match one of them."
You have to breed smaller humans if you want to overpopulate the earth so dogs don't fit.
I'm so horny, I need to have have her soon
I have missed 14% of my child's life. I hope she's still a miserable bag of frowns.
"Hello, my grave-faced girl-woman"
Todd's on the spectrum, but this was in the 60's, so that means he has psychic powers
Excuse me
Deceptive or secretive beef is called "Chef Boyardee"
well-hung
I'm not liking how many things Anne predicted.
You know cats, with their wide caveman-esque brows
apparently people in the future consider hyphens vestigial.
Reeve gasped: plainly these cats were D. T. F.
Obvious maleness
During the first contact game of catch, Ken turns into a 19th century dandy
Reeve is immediately put to death
After they bat him around for several minutes
Communication is easy peasy
A dandy...lion?
"MEEEE HUUUUMAAAAAN. AAAAMMMMEEEERRRRIIIICAAAANNNN. YOUUUU SPEEEEAAAAAKKYY ENGLISH?"
Still less offensive than squatting down and jabbering MEOWMEOWMEOWMEOW
hEY LOOK you DUMB caTs
Next page: Ken has already made a friend, visited their village, and is returning with Hrrula to the human village. They also both reek
I speak your language: LASAGNA NAPS
Takes out a laser pointer. "I AM YOUR GOD!"
These prime directives are working out great
I watched a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend today all about how much CATS sucks, so I am ready for this.
Cats don't sweat, Anne.
Maybe your space-cats do, in which case they're catlike humans and we can stay on Doona.
Seems like this Hrrula is a real know-it-all
Aliens are real assholes, always trying to figure out communication and whatnot
Seems like there are a lot of signs that these might not be ancient primitives
I'm sure Anne will cover this in more detail
So many signs
"Just a two-stroke engine? Wow, okay, Mr. Space Man"
It's possible that species committed suicide because they kept being told they stank
Hrrula sprays them both
They came out of nowhere, and they seem very sophisticated. What could this all mean
I can't compete with this humor streak. Take my title and my lands, Gentleman Shark.
You are far too kind
I'm waiting for the reveal that the cat people are just humans
I wouldn't think you'd need aphrodisiacs at this point
I'm laughing my ass off at humanity accidentally bullying an entire species.
Ben's testing the waters before admitting he just fucks deer
"Hey, wouldn't it be wild if these cats were polyamorous like earth cats? Hey, maybe their deer are sentient too--""
We interrupt this jolly horniness to present: "Genocide: A Good and Necessary Idea?"
No. SLAVERY was the easiest solution to-
You know what? Fuck you, Anne
Just feels like it's a cultural problem, not a resource problem.
Lawrence, Hu, and Adjei all stem from the same civilization, right?
These aliens kick ass.
Give us more of Guess Who's Coming to Doona and less race war, Anne
Very next page, "We are so culturally sensitive"
Lee's face darkened bitterly. "We'll see your thoughts on genocide when you find Hrrongrr barbs-deep in your wife, Reeve."
Sorry to come in late, just checking, this is Anne McCafferey?
It is!
She's trying sci-fi
Back to the Cat Planet
Have we figured out the Hrr / Kzin relationship? Is it like Kryptonian/Daxamite?
There's a joke somewhere in there about herding cats and the fact that the cat planet has a massive bureaucracy
The First Speaker is excited at the prospect of peaceful exchange? Violence? More suicides? I'm not sure
This is turning into a sitcom
I'm not sure why Anne thinks the first step of any cultural meeting is suicicde
"I know! We'll scare them and then the rec center will be ours!"
Well, now he's saying peace
It's especially unsettling because she's not giving any indication she doesn't know what suicide is
"Fellow Speakers, we have met another intelligent race. I recommend suicide."
You have to win all situations, including learning
You need to kick education's ass
Goddamn right
That's the real lesson of graduate school
And, yes, I know you are very excited about the promised bridge
IS IT BRIDGE TIME?!
You bet your ass
The most deadly of all technology
YES!
A species that prompts self-extermination moves in next door to one suffering a rash of suicides.
TUESDAYS ON ABC
A bridge is a guaranteed path towards violence
Just ask the River Kwai
At what point are they going to stop acting like Hrrula is the kid that eats paste?
Probably when they find him in bed with their wives
"Yes, very good Hrrula! Bridge! To cross WAH-TURR"
I don't think this is true, Anne
"Why don't they just terraform the surrounding area to redirect the river? Oh well, they seem nice."
THE WORLD WAS PEACEFUL BEFORE THOSE DAMNABLE BRIDGES
Employment sucks. What have I missed?
Is the twist going to be that the cat people genocided the actual natives?
That would be amazing.
Seriously, write that movie.
Do Avatar only to realize you're in the majors now.
Make the natives mouse people though.
Boy, that doesn't help me understand the pronunciation
Hi, GDC! Anne McCaffrey is telling us a story about humans and a race of cat people that are both worried about landing on a planet inhabited by intelligent species
Also, Anne thinks every meeting between new cultures causes suicide
It's a romcom we think.
Separate but equal under the grass.
Yay
But the humans totally helped
You'll never guess what the First Speaker thinks is the only solution for leaving
"I'm thinking mass suicide. HEAR ME OUT!"
It's odd that we're not seeing Hrrula talk to all these speakers.
It's like they're watching TV.
The cats in the back are taking bets on how long it takes the first speaker to suggest mass suicide.
holy shit, what if this IS just Avatar and the "natives" are all the avatar robots?
"Last time it took him one full round of suggestions. What you got this time?"
Don't worry, the third has his own opinion: MURDER
Prated
As Monty Python once said, a murder is just an extroverted suicide
Death by KILLING!
Violence is inevitable, thus is bridge law
We build bridges so we have something to burn.
duuuuuude
The cats' position makes even less sense, given they know humans have space travel
But I guess this sitcom premise must continue
More sitcoms need genocide/suicide as the consequence they're trying to avoid
Look at this racist cat
Dude, Third, too far
That's nice, they aren't going to murder the children
The sphinx in the fourth row took particular umbrage to the bareskin remark.
I just realized all of these conference room discussions work way better if you imagine all the dialogue is being attributed to a box of kittens
The bridge stands, ominously
sorry, are we just watching the humans and cats go through the exact same concerns all book?
It's to show that, like, are we really so different?
Also, it really pads the book's length
All great relationships start with subterfuge
Hairball?
Do it, Anne. I dare you
Hrral would be terrible at poker with such an obvious tell.
sky-traveling ships
The family ship has arrived and, like, omigawd
The humans decide to tie all the Hrr in a bag and throw it in the river
Why, are they allergic?
We gotta clean everything up before the landlord sees!
If this is what space travel looks and sounds like, how would these two species not notice each other landing
