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gellaho
🚨 Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ Poll Time 🚨
This time, the poll is like one of Joe Hardy's report cards: full of D's. Vote for your favorite pair of double D's using the matching reaction.
🏚️ #30 - The Deadliest Dare
🇺🇸 #38 - Diplomatic Deceit
🏜️ #49 - Dirty Deeds
FancyShark
Those are all strong
Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics
I nearly put a 🇱🇷 but then I saw bat country
Diplomatic deceit probably involves fentantyl hardy, though
Damn. Good selection.
FancyShark
I'm going with Diplomatic Deceit because no one misunderstands government operations as much as a Hardy Boys ghost writer
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
I'm gravitating towards Deadliest Dare because their scooby-doo-ish adventures are always the most batshit
gellaho
The people have spoken! And once again, The Book Cage cannot escape the gravitational wall of France. The Hardy Boys are off to meet the pen pal of Frank's girlfriend, Callie. Exactly how tenuous an excuse for a plot is this? How much money will Joe lose to these international con artists? On a scale of 0 to Blind Justice, just how French will this be? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern, as we read The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #38: Diplomatic Deceit.
gellaho
gellaho
@Brockway pin this or you might "slip" into disaster
Brockway
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FancyShark
Shoplifting? This is gonna be off the hook.
gellaho
Just spectacularly bad faces on this one
gellaho
FancyShark
If I saw my brother leaping to his death, I like to think I'd have a more concerned look than one that says "oh no, we're out of bread"
Henry
That's just an o-face if you flip the eyes around
FancyShark
Frank, meanwhile, trying his Bruce Campbell impression out
dr
I was leaning Jay Leno, but that works too.
Kahn Air
I know it's hardly the most pertinent detail, but why does Hawaiian U.F.O. Aliens take place in Malibu?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"UFOs, have- have you heard of this? Get this, UFOs - Kevin I know you heard of UFOs!"
gellaho
Just under an hour until The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #38: Diplomatic Deceit. Here is the preview
Cyberzone
Pocket sand!
FancyShark
Will Joe survive the five foot drop?!
Gentleman Brendan
LET'S NERD THIS, DUDES
Gentleman Brendan
This dude looks like Access from DC vs. Marvel
gellaho
We begin with an incredibly dark joke from Joe
FancyShark
Joe is so jaded at this point
gellaho
It's like he doesn't even remember his car bombed girlfriend
FancyShark
And Frank is oddly proud of how pent up he's left his girlfriend
Gentleman Brendan
Step 1 in any counterintel program isto get your access revoked and earn a rep for being untrustworthy.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Do you think callie knows how all of their other girlfriends died?
gellaho
This particular ghostwriter has a very weird way of describing things
FancyShark
This is going to end with bloodshed
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe has a weird racial angle to his insecurity issues.
FancyShark
Or he's letting some fantasies slip out
gellaho
Target Acquired
FancyShark
"If she was ugly, I'd have brought this rope and collection of butcher's tools for nothing"
gellaho
Hmmm, don't like this phrasing, ghostwriter
FancyShark
ew
I'm not comfortable with how coy Frank is
LyraV
I didn't expect it to open with Callie almost exploding between the Hardy Bros
gellaho
Just a quick fourth wall break to sell some product
Gentleman Brendan
Is Callie the one who did blow up?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Do they name their cases in universe?
FancyShark
Unclear. No one's ever called out a previous case by title before
Gentleman Brendan
This ghostwriter is trying to see how closely they can toe the line that Callie is going to get shared by her bf and his brother.
FancyShark
I think Callie's the one that keeps definitely getting murdered in horrible ways because they drag her along, but I think it was a different lady that got exploded
Gentleman Brendan
Not only did they name it, they named it in italics, like a book title, rather than quotes, like a file.
FancyShark
Also, hello everyone!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Like is one of the hardy boys writing these down Watson style?
gellaho
I've only ever seen it once before. Similarly not within the story
FancyShark
They have to be, or else Chet would be the star
My money's on Frank, because he wouldn't see anything weird about showing how lifeless and robotic he is
gellaho
Aw, don't you hate it when that happens
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
And Joe can't remember letters since the last explosion.
Gentleman Brendan
:Jaws cello plays:
gellaho
Frank runs, grinning like a lunatic
Gentleman Brendan
This town must have the weirdest police logs.
FancyShark
They're extremely horny reports
Mudjacked Concrete Javo
Their dad is the chief inspector so I bet he buries them
gellaho
They are in DC for this adventure, so potentially
FancyShark
Frank's grin only shows up when brushing his teeth or removing someone else's
gellaho
Their pursuit is foiled by the subway fare
FancyShark
Turnstiles are stronger than any castle wall
John
God, all that guy's friends at the pickpocket club are going to make so much fun of him for this.
gellaho
As always, characters must be slender
John
You can't describe Dracula and have the guy be French.
FancyShark
Ol' Hatchet Face Berot
gellaho
The duality of Paris
FancyShark
Wait, this dude's going to be a Poirot reference, isn't he?
Gentleman Brendan
Wait wait wait
gellaho
You mean the famously fat Belgian?
Gentleman Brendan
Paris is like the pickpocket/purse snatcher capital of the world.
gellaho
You sound like Frank
Joe Hardy begins his mental negging
FancyShark
Maddy is voiced by a snooty mosquito
Gentleman Brendan
Joe, you bitch.
"She's asking her father where the library is."
"He's saying the library is over there."
"Now she wants to know if he's hungry."
John
Usually Joe is adorably misogynistic. This somehow hits different.
gellaho
Pleasant girl
Gentleman Brendan
"He says yes, he is hungry."
EET EES BEAUTIFUL FRAUNCH NEM HO HO HO HO
Making Joe feel stupid is such a Maddy move.
FancyShark
Okay, Maddy is doing it for me
gellaho
Don't lie to me about Joe's abilities, book
FancyShark
He picks them up on index cards. He doesn't comprehend them
John
"Joe the quick-witted tried to eat the bomb before it blew up another girlfriend."
I dunno, checks out to me.
gellaho
This one has weird energy.
Gentleman Brendan
"It is a beautiful french name" is just dripping with contempt for the language her penpal and guide speaks.
The Hardys are tracing my St. Patrick's Day 2018 bar crawl right now.
FancyShark
These girls are so selfish, having a good time and ignoring the men
John
Frank, whose robot brain barely understands heterosexual love, is totally unequipped to understand a woman who has a crush on another woman.
Gentleman Brendan
Are we going with Maddy's actually from Long Island or Oklahoma?
gellaho
Oh, my, I wonder who couldst possibly be the cause of this
FancyShark
GASP
It must be the Assassins!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
But this is Paris, the city of theft
gellaho
DEAD WHITE
FancyShark
This is Washington DC, the gutter of theft
gellaho
Time to check that redhead box
John
Not always about you, Joe.
Gentleman Brendan
Washington DC, where we only steal from you in April.
See, Joe, that's where we differ. I don't find strong and self-determined women less attractive for it.
Later, Joe would find the manager drinking half-price at Madam's Organ.
gellaho
Apparently Callie's getting a strip search in this store. Because store managers apparently have that power
FancyShark
holy shit
Callie really does have the worst stuff happen to her
Chloes massive punchcock pronoun
Callie? Stripped down. Hardy's? Show me them pockies
John
Callie #4 is dying in that dressing room.
gellaho
Just some real monstrous characters in this book
FancyShark
"Get the fishing line and the pliers!"
Gentleman Brendan
That Maddy is real bad news.
FancyShark
So the lesson is that the French are the worst
John
Transylvanians are pretty shifty too, apparently.
gellaho
Real weird that your first move was stripsearching if you have video, lady
FancyShark
This is where we learn the redhead doesn't work there
John
This is where we learn Callie really did steal the scarf. She needed some excitement because Frank. Won't. Touch. Her.
gellaho
Jesus Christ, Frank, you're supposed to be the smart one
FancyShark
Joe wrote this book
It's why the women are all horrible
gellaho
gasp who would have guessed
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Callie knows shes doomed herself by dating a Hardy, she has nothing to lose
FancyShark
Bold move, Maddy. Most people wait longer than an hour to plant evidence on someone they just met
gellaho
DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY
FancyShark
FancyShark
Sorry, reflex
This gif will appear again when Maddy is revealed as the overall villain too
Gentleman Brendan
Maddy has diplomatic immunity and still framed her only friend in America.
gellaho
Sure, that's what tennis is like
Gentleman Brendan
this is a prequel to Inventing Anna
Three-person tennis would be AWESOME
FancyShark
Joe doesn't know what's going on, just like a dog listening to its owners fight
gellaho
"Oh, wow, they brought out their well dressed black man for this"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The hardys have an Ice
Gentleman Brendan
In defense of :waves hands: he's comparing him to other detectives, not other Black people.
gellaho
Ambrose Wilmer: patriotic cricket
FancyShark
When you wish on Inter-polllllllll
Gentleman Brendan
There will be time enough for troubling depictions of "dark, gypsy-eyed, soulful Slavs" soon.
gellaho
And member of the State Department, who needs to be involved in this shoplifting incident for some reason
LyraV
I bet Lieutenant Grant's flow was tight before he got interrupted.
gellaho
"I know you teach your American children secret hypnosis techniques!"
Gentleman Brendan
What kind of pankration catacombs is this diplomat lurking in?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This guy missed the bit about the pickpockets, obvously
FancyShark
"I've seen enough videos online of French girls getting led into doing naughty things. I know what you Americans are up to!"
gellaho
Sure glad we wasted all this manpower on this scarf
John
"rabbity smile?"
Are his front teeth 6 inches long or something?
FancyShark
It's like a whale-y nod
gellaho
I don't think they need your sharply honed detective instincts to pick up on that
FancyShark
"She's killed and will kill again."
John
"You must not have heard of us. We're basically invincible."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
running out for beer, back in 20.
FancyShark
Don't shoplift without immunity!
gellaho
Callie has been kidnapped and held at gunpoint by this point
Gentleman Brendan
She'll never be able to show her face in DC again.
FancyShark
Look, she really hates sitting in traffic, okay?
LyraV
'So far' has never sounded so dire
gellaho
Callie is beset by slender Europeans
gellaho
It must be some kind of pheromone she gives off
FancyShark
Callie savors the only physical contact she's had with a man aside from that stripsearch
Gentleman Brendan
Leon le Profesional Passif-Aggresif
gellaho
Surprise French danger powder
FancyShark
Chili powder? Mace? Nutmeg?
John
Guessing time! Make your wagers!
I say cinnamon. smuggled cinnamon
gellaho
Honestly, Joe should be used to this situation by now
Gentleman Brendan
Paprika...a gift from our soulful Slav friends in...LES ASSASSINS!
FancyShark
Mrs. Dash
LyraV
Old Bay Crab Seasoning
Gentleman Brendan
Appropriate MD answer, this is the correct guess.
gellaho
Good thing Joe is so slender
FancyShark
Because there's nothing under a train that would pulverize flesh
gellaho
Nobody guessed the Cajun option
FancyShark
GASP
Blinded by the bayou!
Gentleman Brendan
Somebody actually pulled this off in NY a few years back, so I guess it tracks
Dude flattened a woman having a seizure on the tracks, they both were fine.
FancyShark
Holy shit!
That's actually awesome
Gentleman Brendan
Pun not intended
gellaho
Snack or perish, Callie
Gentleman Brendan
Babe you've barely touched your $14 french fries, is it because we're sitting in a hotel room instead of exploring the amazing food scene here?
Although I guess DC is still a couple years out from becoming a wonderland of ethiopian cuisine.
gellaho
Joe Hardy reacts appropriately to almost dying
FancyShark
Jeez, Callie. Why are you such a killjoy? You'd think a lady had never framed you for shoplifting after being your penpal for years and then causing a potential international incident.
Saved for later
John
Pfft. Women, amirite?
gellaho
Frank's looking to get rid of Callie
FancyShark
ALL the kids. It's an all-ages nightclub
John
Subtle Frank.
Gentleman Brendan
oh, a VERY horny ghostwriter, sir.
FancyShark
wait, invited out for a mud-fight?
John
Frank absolutely does not understand how that could be interpreted in the wrong way.
gellaho
Ask your parents what Joe means, child audience
John
"Callie, wanna see my new computer game?"
FancyShark
Joe is smug because he knows he just hinted at them ordering a pizza and fighting about how they treat each other around friends
gellaho
The straw hat/suit combo is very inconspicuous when touring the Smithsonian
John
Adrienne!
FancyShark
The Holocaust museum was such a blast, the Hardys didn't notice him there
gellaho
Probably wouldn't like that comparison
John
If anyone tells her, I'll deny it.
FancyShark
Perfect choice for following someone
gellaho
Ah, now they have a party animal pursuer
John
Frank is apparently unable to tell the difference between a shirt and a parachute.
FancyShark
ANOTHER great stalker choice
gellaho
Don't stop the comedy chase yet, here's weirdo number three
FancyShark
These are the outfits I'd pick if I was filming a parody of undercover work
Minotaur?
John
"Hello? Al's Oversize Shirt Emporium? What's the brightest shirt you have for an elephant?"
gellaho
What a weird way to describe a person
gellaho
It makes it sound like Frank made out with a nose using regulation sunglasses
FancyShark
Jaundice the Slav?
John
These kids sure think everyone except themselves and their girlfriends are just ugly as shit.
FancyShark
They're being pursued by political cartoons
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This ghostwriter is working through some body image issues.
gellaho
They escape to the Capitol building, where the Frenchmen start loudly talking about a coup
FancyShark
It's pronounced "coo-pay" in Europe
Gentleman Brendan
You animal.
gellaho
Frank needs some help identifying common objects
John
"trick of acoustics" is author speak for "Fuck you, he needed to hear it for plot reasons, kid"
FancyShark
Yeah, Joe definitely wrote this one
John
A couple problems. Knives don't look like paper. And why was he holding the blade instead of the handle? Did the handle fall off?
FancyShark
Callie has one of those passive abilities that makes all attacks aimed at other party members target her instead
gellaho
"The man's ugliness gave him Hulk-like strength"
FancyShark
Way to back up your brother, Frank
John
I was more impressed that he had a rare moment of empathy. And Joe probably definitely deserved it.
Gentleman Brendan
jesus, Callie, what was your life like a year ago?
gellaho
Just a parade of people walking in and running out screaming
gellaho
If you want to stab a teen, make sure you use a weird knife
FancyShark
hahaha
He spent hours whittling that knife from a toilet
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Poor bastard, he could have just broken a plate.
Gentleman Brendan
I, too, love shopping at Home Goods.
gellaho
Second appearance for Chekov's dollar bill
John
At least give the lucky dollar to Callie you dick.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
What are the odds of the bill having a tracking device in it?
gellaho
France and Germany, together again
FancyShark
That dollar bill was also used to patch a hole in the Challenger, but it got caught by a light breeze
Gentleman Brendan
Hanging from the cliff, Joe saw his inspiration. He fed the dollar into the vending machine. The rollers pulled the bill up, then out, then in again. Weighted by the impossibly heavy Utz pretzels, the machine pulled Joe off the precipice.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I'm frankly shocked the writer didn't describe Ansel as Teutonic.
Gentleman Brendan
Ansel Elgort, wunderbar to choke you.
FancyShark
Frank's never heard a woman shout "You came!" with joy before
gellaho
Author telling Tomas to go fuck himself
gellaho
FancyShark
Foreign Chet!
John
Holy shit.
FancyShark
Tomas? Sounds Chinese
John
"And then Tomas, from who cares, because all those Mexican countries are the same."
LyraV
Willem the Pillsbury Dutch Boy
Gentleman Brendan
As Joe watched, the kids united their rings and summoned Captain Diplomacy.
gellaho
Can I get some freshly prepared soda for the table?
FancyShark
That carbonated water better be locally sourced
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Tomas is from Iowa and is sick of people assuming he's foreign.
Gentleman Brendan
When you have immunity you can afford phosphate fizzes like it's no big deal.
gellaho
Joe just can't deal with all these bad vibes, man
John
Joe hasn't even done anything in this book. They just know he sucks.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Those aren't bad vibes, Joe. Your tremors are starting up again.
FancyShark
Joe considers breaking the ice with a Polish joke
Gentleman Brendan
Joe assumes everyone foreign has hostile intent.
LyraV
Joe sounding a lot like young BIll O'Reilly
FancyShark
Nah. O'Reilly's dad paid attention to him
John
"Oh , guess you guys have heard that one before. Did I tell you the one about why all Italians are thieves?"
gellaho
Really harshing his buzz, man
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"So a slav and and a dark haired Gypsy walk into a bar"
gellaho
Tomas is from Knifetopia
FancyShark
Joe achieves international unity as every country decides to kill him
Gentleman Brendan
The slav says "I bet I can pleasure this American woman and her boyfriend will applaud."
FancyShark
"Jumped? I assaulted you. I don't jump."
Gentleman Brendan
"TO-MAS WHAT IS HOW YOU. SAY. JUMP. IN. YOUR LANGUAGE?" Frank nodded emphatically as he pointed to his mouth and throat.
gellaho
The club manager has many angry German teens waiting for entry
Gentleman Brendan
Damn, Germans have had to face so much prejudice in this country.
gellaho
Getting thrown out of a club? Time for murder
FancyShark
Nothing like angry German teens to let you know a club is legit
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The manager rightfully hates the entitled children of diplomats.
FancyShark
So it's set on a course but he's still in the car?
gellaho
A very poetic attempted hit and run
FancyShark
I like that Ansel's response to not getting in a club is to kill Joe
gellaho
German efficiency requires setting a course before driving
Damn teens all hopped up on soda
FancyShark
"ENCOURAGEMENT!"
gellaho
This ghostwriter learned everything about diplomatic immunity from Lethal Weapon
FancyShark
So the cops are letting this slide while CSI's focusing on the shoplifting?
dammit, scooped by the book
LyraV
Maybe find a way to give them a hard time about running people down in the streets?
gellaho
The attempted group murder continues on foot
FancyShark
So the key to conquering America is to send over enough diplomats to overthrow the military
gellaho
Joe's famous anti-Netherlands stance
FancyShark
America! Love it or...wait
LyraV
If only he'd had a Porsche to hit that Dutch kid with is a weird message.
FancyShark
God, I love how bad this writer is at understanding diplomatic immunity
gellaho
Frank comes along and Roadrunners Ansel
FancyShark
So there's no overarching plot here. It's just the Hardys fucking up asshole foreign kids
gellaho
Callie has learned nothing from the past day
FancyShark
Callie is a genetic descendant of a doormat
Gentleman Brendan
Diplomatic immunity just means you can't be arrested. You can't hit and run a US citizen and not expect to get revoked + deported.
Gentleman Brendan
Even a broken clock is White two times a day.
gellaho
They go to a burger restaurant. And gasp what's this?
FancyShark
It's a bomb!
or she stole his wallet
But I can hope for the first one
gellaho
Joe sees red
Gentleman Brendan
Madeline was in league with the US treasury
Je ne connais pas que tu dire! cooed the french sex kitten
FancyShark
She tears off her wig. "You are all AUDITED!"
Gentleman Brendan
But it was too late. Joe had her dead to rights. She SHOULD have said "sais."
FancyShark
Maddy's being very polite and not mentioning the expired condom from Joe's 14th birthday
gellaho
The old it fell off a truck excuse
FancyShark
Joe's already fantasizing about stabbing her eyes with icicles
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe definitely wrote that part.
FancyShark
Frank swears to put a better lock on the writing room door after reading this
gellaho
Joe, master detective and interrogator
FancyShark
"You know Nadine?!"
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Pffft he obviously doesn't know that many diplomats.
You need the soul of a murderer and the hands of a thief.
Like Henry Kissenger.
gellaho
She caught kleptomania
LyraV
and his magic murder bag
FancyShark
Any kind of scandal. Like his daughter being friends with a shoplifter
gellaho
I don't like this ghostwriter
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Sounds like someone is getting a Hole Pocket Handjob.
FancyShark
We're all going on a list for reading this, aren't we?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
You werent really reading if you arent on a list.
gellaho
"Stop looking in people's cars, Maddy"
John
I got distracted reading this, and was annoyed to find out family members of diplomats do have immunity. https://www.state.gov/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/2018-DipConImm_v5_Web.pdf
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
this is america, maddie. Everyone drives armed.
John
I hate that this book is right and I was wrong.
gellaho
There are easier ways to murder a teen
FancyShark
"Civil jurisdiction" is the key phrase there
John
Yeah, small victory I guess.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Yeah you can still sue a British diplomat if they run over your child.
FancyShark
And again, there's the whole "revoke immunity and deport" thing
gellaho
After this, they just book it back to the hotel. Maddy can fend for herself
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Or you can get Riggs and Murtaugh to just shoot the bastard
John
You'd think, but apparently not.
FancyShark
I'm sure Maddy's fine. She has diplomatic immunity.
gellaho
Soda up, soldiers
FancyShark
Callie twitches at Frank mentioning going down
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe pours two fingers of mountain dew, neat.
John
Frank accidentally drove on the rumble strip once and can't understand why she wants him to do it everytime now.
gellaho
French experts all of a sudden
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
What the fuck does someone who is involved in a military coup look like in Joe's mind?
John
"They also said a date. January 6th? Anyway, I'm sure it's nothing."
FancyShark
Yes, the group of people that try to hide in plain sight in straw hats and Hawaiian shirts and attack children with unique weaponry are clearly an elite organization.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Probably just misunderstood and they were talking about a chicken coop and used a Frenchified pronunciation.
gellaho
Time to stalk some diplomats
FancyShark
Callie, are things okay at home?
Most parents wouldn't let their daughter go through this much horror
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Her parents are probably dead.
gellaho
It goes really well for Joe
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It's a standard.
FancyShark
Tackled like pros. So the villains are football players?
John
God, I love the henchmen names in this. Shorty. Skinny. Old Ugly. Just watching a master artist at his craft brings a tear to my eye.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Toss that lad from a bridge like a professional!
Like in that movie with Jean Reno.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
they're european, so they're futbol players
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
When he splatters on the pavement you think one of them will yell "GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL!"?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I'm sure they'll have an elaborate chant prepared
gellaho
Frank follows the "diplomat" for a very long time through a circuitous route. Meets with the Ugly Man
gellaho
Frank somehow loses the uggo immediately after trying to tail him
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Professionals but can't murder some teens.
FancyShark
Ugly ninja
gellaho
Meanwhile, Joe is saved by Maddy just showing up and telling the thugs that the police are coming
FancyShark
Nadine?
gellaho
Yeah, turns out she's Nadine
FancyShark
Huh.
John
Gasp. The girl with Dracula for a dad isn't French?
FancyShark
Berot adopted her? Or she led a double-life?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!
gellaho
Well, stealing diplomatic documents is a real step up for pickpockets
gellaho
This also explains why she wasn't as pretty as her picture
FancyShark
"Cute" or "stupid and lazy writing"?
ohhh
hold it
She's trying to maintain a secret identity and does that by staging a shoplifting incident?
gellaho
Just out here renting kids out for crime
gellaho
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That photo at the start of the book is madeline's last known photograph
gellaho
She's doing a very bad job in her role as a prop
FancyShark
It's a good thing there aren't any other reasons a creepy man would rent a child
A professional thief that didn't check if the target's family was having visitors
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Does......this ghostwriter understand what a "professional" is?
FancyShark
It took a while, but we're back in the sweet spot of hilariously stupid criminal masterminds
gellaho
Yeah, I can't imagine that someone called "The Beast" would ever do something untoward
gellaho
FancyShark
La Bete is much less intimidating than The Beast
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I'm sure he's just a real fan of the Ben Kingsley vehicle Sexy Beast.
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Le Loup was taken already.
gellaho
Gotta question the obnoxious plan if you had to argue to spend time with them
FancyShark
Nothing makes a person go home like taking their ID and wallet
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
You can famously leave the United States and enter another country without either one of those things!
gellaho
They happen to overhear the new plan
FancyShark
Seems like this would be a good time to contact the police and FBI and State Department
gellaho
You mean the guy from the state department that was fooled with stolen documentation
FancyShark
Yeah. Someone who can match wits with the criminals
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
They can't kill a handful of teens, if they got reported the police would just be like "Well this seems under control."
gellaho
I think it'd a pretty safe assumption, dipshits
gellaho
FancyShark
"They mean to steal the costume shop!"
"No, dammit, Joe!"
gellaho
They go to the French embassy, where Joe decides to act like he's in one of those "situation comedies"
gellaho
Because Frank is 800 years old
FancyShark
Joe is immediately maced
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I wonder how frank knew Joe was just acting.
gellaho
Nah, she just starts dumping exposition for no reason
FancyShark
He knows Joe doesn't like girls
She's actually an animatronic that gives visitors info
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
She's hit the silent alarm and is stalling until security shows up
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
French girls are notorious for giving exposition if you say they are pretty.
gellaho
Joe is given the opportunity to get an invitation by pretending to be the messenger. Instead he knocks all the shit over and steals one
FancyShark
hahaha, moron
gellaho
This ghostwriter also decided they should call each other big brother and little brother
gellaho
And I do not approve
They are 17 & 18, that is so weird
FancyShark
This writer has a lot of tells. I hope we don't run into them again
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I assume its not age, but dick size.
FancyShark
Oh, the Hardys do not fuck
gellaho
Costumes out of nowhere
FancyShark
Yes, being in a cab is what makes a sword dangerous
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Because the rules say you can't sheathe Layfayettes sword unless it tastes British blood.
So its been out for centuries, just mangling random American and French diplomats children during transport.
gellaho
They arrive at the party. Nadine runs away from them for... reasons. Then Callie beats her up in the ladies' room
FancyShark
YES!
GO, CALLIE!
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah!
FancyShark
Callie walks out, covered in blood.
"She's handled."
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
As the door swings open you can see broken sinks and mirrors.
gellaho
Time for two teens to take on a gang. A French gang, but still
FancyShark
There's a toilet someone appears hunched in front of, but they're not moving and water's spilling onto the floor
Wait, I thought Callie just beat up Nadine?
gellaho
She did, brought her out of the bathroom. Then Nadine told them that address
FancyShark
Wow. Persuasive
gellaho
Then Frank nd Callie leave in costume for "the bad part of town." An excellent idea if there ever was one
Callie, sated by her victory, forgets that she should be on the look out for guards
FancyShark
Bang
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Classic deer in the headlights.
gellaho
Luckily the guard does absolutely nothing
FancyShark
Frank punches the man until his face is little more than soup
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"THIS IS HOW WE MAKE SOUP IN AMERICA!"
gellaho
Callie wakes from her reverie
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It's a loading dock and the only thing she could find to brain a guard with is his own flashlight....
gellaho
Brilliant idea to start shouting during your covert rescue
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I assume the writer meant "Hon hon hon, Eye doo not zeenk zo!"
FancyShark
"Not Mr. Lumpy!"
"For god's sake, he's called La Bete. We went over this."
gellaho
Frank has mastered the French cayenne technique
FancyShark
Smart. When you've got multiple innocent bystanders, getting a gunman to fire wildly is just tactics
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
France is years ahead of us in the pocket sand technology race.
gellaho
Meanwhile: Nadine's kleptomania is running wild
FancyShark
Shiiiiiiny
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Little does he know you only need ONE hand to remove the Duchess of Leipzigs emerald necklace!
gellaho
I'm sure she'll be safe with the murderous German
gellaho
That has always worked out for the French
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ansel is curious why Maddie has two black eyes
gellaho
Oh, and provoke him. Smart
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
"Maybe later he can breach your Maginot line, wink wink."
FancyShark
Ansel responds by retrieving a car and driving it into the ballroom
gellaho
Historical artifact threats
FancyShark
The blade falls off the hilt
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Its 200+ years old, how sharp could it be?
gellaho
"In what scenario would that general information help you steal it?"
FancyShark
"Smallsword"?
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
The secret origin of Trivius, one of Spider-mans less known villains.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oh god, he's a Sword Guy
gellaho
I hate this ghostwriter's phrasing
FancyShark
I'm glad Joe amuses somebody
Yes, I'm deliberately ignoring your thirst, ghost writer
gellaho
Joe has time for costume considerations
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Fuck me they did keep it sharp? There should be nothing left of that sword by now.
gellaho
Lt Grant is back with the deepest frown in the biz
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
By the end of the night the top of Lt. Grants head has fallen off, his frown is so deep.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Theseus's Lafayette's Sword
gellaho
Bold moves by Paul here
FancyShark
Please tell me Grant is getting too old for this shit
FancyShark
ahhhhh
There it is
gellaho
Paul jumps out of a window
FancyShark
Now it's a swashbuckling adventure
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
Fuck yeah, now swing from a chandelier!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
He'd better sw..fuck!
FancyShark
Until Paul meets a guy with a gun. Then it's Homicide: Life on the Street
gellaho
Paul climbs to the roof and eats it after jumping
FancyShark
womp womp
The casual disregard for human life is the mark of a true police officer
gellaho
Then Joe jumps after him for some reason
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe has obviously never heard of the french art of parkour.
gellaho
Even though this is clearly Frank
FancyShark
Again, Joe clearly wrote this
gellaho
And none of them are wearing costumes, which is a real missed opportunity for the artist
FancyShark
I guarantee they found out afterwards and were pissed
gellaho
Weird
Gentleman Brendan
what happened after ansel hit the pole? i was grilling.
FancyShark
Maddy was actually a thief named Nadine
All the Berots were being held captive by a ring of thieves posing as them
Gentleman Brendan
ah
FancyShark
All to steal Lafayettes Sword
gellaho
Callie is still reveling in bloodlust
FancyShark
Also, the Berots have been freed from execution at the ugly guy's hands
And Callie beat the shit out of Nadine
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
It seems to have made her blood horny.
People are pretending not to notice.
FancyShark
Callie's going to obliterate a personal massager
gellaho
The real Maddy seen here trying to angle a three way
Gentleman Brendan
she is ready to be a Hardy now.
gellaho
Leaving Joe to quip all alone
FancyShark
Frank thinks it's nice that Callie has a horny friend that will likely discuss whatever sex is with her
John
Nadine was so excited when she saw Frank, but realizes she made a mistake when the implied ménage à trois goes completely over his head.
gellaho
We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #38: Diplomatic Deceit
FancyShark
We did it!
Great work everyone!
gellaho
And so concludes this edition of The Book Cage
FancyShark
And thank you, as always, for doing this, @gellaho !
John
Thanks @gellaho
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I should have been on the discord sooner, this is real fun.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
We were on fire with the riffing tonight. Good work everyone.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You're good at this!
gellaho
I made sure to put the right amount of emphasis on Frank's chin
FancyShark
We do this every Friday, @Karate Physics Flippant Sausage ! You're more than welcome to keep joining us!
Mo's Over, Synergy
yeah I don't have the attention span by this point on a Friday to drop in every time but this is one of our proudest traditions in this channel
Karate Physics Flippant Sausage
I sure as hell will! I love this kind of thing.
Gentleman Brendan
Thank you for guiding us through the horniest Hardy romp, @gellaho
gellaho
Horniest since Joe fell in love with that South American boy
