45: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #102: Wrong Side of the Law Franklin W. Dixon

gellaho

ENHANCE

gellaho

ENHANCE!

FancyShark

<After a few minutes>

"There. Now they all have funny hats"

Gentleman Brendan

This guy invented CSI bullshit a decade before CSI

gellaho

EEEEEEENNNNNHHHHAAAAAAANNNCCCEEEEE!!!

FancyShark

You are correct to be amazed by that, Frank

gellaho

Oh, God, so much enhancement

FancyShark

"Shut up, Joe"

gellaho

IT'S THOSE GODDAMNED TEENAGERS!

FancyShark

And now the importance of the stupid lacing on the shoes

Gentleman Brendan

"They must be Russian. Call dad's dragons!" shrieked Frank.

Gotta rob banks to pay off the guns you use to rob banks.

FancyShark

I'm calling it now: Pat is the ringleader, teaching all the punks to make something of themselves through crime

gellaho

Gentleman Brendan

That red bastard.

gellaho

Hard to tell

gellaho

That's the only visible foot

FancyShark

Smashing through glass with your face is a Gil move though

gellaho

Everyone is demanding

FancyShark

"Those sneaky fucking poors"

gellaho

That's four demands in the past two pages

FancyShark

This is all because Pat wasn't treated with enough respect to get his own office

gellaho

FancyShark

Or it's the hollow-eyed tech bro

CHET!

THE HERO!

gellaho

Chet's back, time to eat

FancyShark

Phil and Biff hold buckets on either side of Chet to catch the bits of food that fly off

gellaho

He's fat, you get it?

Gentleman Brendan

I fucking love Chet.

That is a great pizza. He loves life, and saves the day.

Don't let them judge you, Chet. Join us in Riverdale.

FancyShark

Ooo, Vanessa doesn't like sausage? Now we see why Frank's upset

Gentleman Brendan

gotta boogie. company is here. Back later.

#savepoint

gellaho

Chet's trying to get shot

FancyShark

They do know that alerting the cops is only going to help resolve this, right?

gellaho

The names suggest they're all on the water, but that's just me

FancyShark

Yes, Joe. It's a road map.

gellaho

Chet, the original fat bastard

FancyShark

The Hardys have eaten the weight of a hundred Chets already. They don't get to throw shade at our boy

gellaho

Later: Joe enters a spooky sports equipment shed

gellaho

Joe turns into Sonic the Hedgehog

FancyShark

Baseball bats are distance weapons. It's why every sniper has one.

gellaho

Joe appears to be trying to hammer punch from above, but trying to hit the chin?

gellaho

How big does he think this guy's chin is?

FancyShark

Joe goes into every fight hoping to encounter Robert Z'Dar

gellaho

If he's swinging his fists like a bat, there's practically no upward way to do that

FancyShark

Seems like a good way to pull a tendon

gellaho

I found the author calling for assistance

gellaho

If that's not a call for help from the ghostwriter, I don't know what that is

It's a nonsequitor

It has nothing to do with the sentence before or after it

FancyShark

What a puzzle! Where will Joe find someone his height who would be psychotic enough to try to beat a person to death with a bat in a shed?

gellaho

Joe decides to keep the assault to himself

FancyShark

"Did Gil hit you with a bat yet? He said he was going to."

gellaho

Sabina (actual name) is a big fan of the art school, Harvard

FancyShark

"Then you work on improving yourself or find something else, Sabina, you stupid idiot"

gellaho

Hector understands the music industry

FancyShark

Hector's so jaded

gellaho

That's never been true, Nevins

FancyShark

Was there some massive backlash against accumulating skill in the mid-90s?

gellaho

Hey, red tank top is back to talk about this gun cartoon

FancyShark

I could have sworn they told us we could do anything if we just tried

gellaho

Gen-x was against trying, man

FancyShark

Jesus, tank top girl probably shouldn't be given anything sharp

gellaho

Very threatening, this Looney Tunes is

FancyShark

"Hmm. C-. Next."

gellaho

IT WAS RED TANK TOP ALL ALONG

gellaho

Masterful foreshadowing from this ghostwriter

The way she gave frank directions really emphasized her sociopathic tendencies

FancyShark

She's such a multifaceted character

gellaho

Dundun-dot matrix printers

FancyShark

Those are pixels, idiot

Wait, 1995

okay, fine

gellaho

Of course, red tank top? Red hair? It all fits

FancyShark

Gingers are a hive mind

But seriously, if Pat isn't running this gun ring, I'll be annoyed

gellaho

Dundun-Pat

FancyShark

THANK you

gellaho

Hey, Frank, I'm pretty sure it's still a fake name

gellaho

EAT

FancyShark

"All of it...gone...I'm ruined...rui- oh, hi, boys!"

Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics

The 8000 calorie diets these boys eat

gellaho

Great work, Chet

FancyShark

Don't bother thanking him for doing all the tedious shit, Frank

You know. The investigative work?

gellaho

Maybe I don't know what a carton is

gellaho

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Chet with a little justified snark.

gellaho

I'm trying to figure out what kind of carton can fit a cinder block

FancyShark

Cement milk

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Or why you would put a cinder block in a carton.

gellaho

Frank admits to Lisa that they don't know what they're doing

gellaho

FancyShark

Go ahead and tell the lady that's training all the criminals how your investigation is going, Frank

gellaho

Joe's superior reflexes save him from certain combat basketball death

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Tell her how the women you get involved with end up, Frank.

FancyShark

"My last girlfriend was cloned and cut in half by a pendulum"

gellaho

Impossible! It must be a conspiracy

gellaho

The Hardys get hassled by the fuzz

FancyShark

"See, boys? Tailing someone in a suspicious manner is weird, isn't it?"

gellaho

I keep all my cash in Target shopping bags

FancyShark

Can't trust banks

gellaho

Apparently they get robbed by teens

Don't you know who I am?

FancyShark

"For removal of police evidence"

gellaho

They're alibi is literally that they were watching the robbery

gellaho

"I know you watched your girlfriend get kidnapped, but you can be in two places at once"

FancyShark

Hernandez pulling the classic rookie mistake of thinking he can hold the Hardys accountable

gellaho

Outta jail? Snack time!

FancyShark

Chet tried to give them pop-up books to explain stuff once, but it was too advanced

gellaho

Set up the search program

FancyShark

Link up a spreadsheet and download the datastream

gellaho

Ed the DB

FancyShark

"Is it an acronym?"

"No. I just like the name."

gellaho

Company going under? Hire teens to rob a bank, duh

FancyShark

What about THE INSURANCE MONEY?

gellaho

License plates can be as many letters as you want, right?

FancyShark

For a shitload of money

Ramb$ne Gracie with Pyrotechnics

Just like phone numbers

gellaho

Frank got his gadgets from Q

FancyShark

It has no reference points and indeterminate range. It's perfect.

gellaho

Spent a lot of time in Q branch it seems

FancyShark

Now for three hours of Fresh Air

gellaho

Not Vinny! The guy with the earring and no other distinguishing characteristics?

FancyShark

"Vinnie? How's your homework going? You understand what we covered in class?"

gellaho

All those damnable teens are in on it!

gellaho

And Lisa, who was 20

FancyShark

Frank felt for the first time and that feeling was disappointment

gellaho

And now: a series of non-words

gellaho

Foot-sword, semicrouch, gravity knife

FancyShark

Gravity Knife is my synth-metal band

Mo's Over, Synergy

a gravity knife is a real thing

FancyShark

Is it?

Mo's Over, Synergy

yeah it's like a legally distinct switchblade type dealie where you basically point the knife down and release the lock

so it's gravity doing the work and not a spring

or something

FancyShark

Ooohhh. Neat!

Today I Learned

Thanks, Mo!

gellaho

I have no idea what is happening anymore

FancyShark

Aren't hands always held at arm's length?

Mo's Over, Synergy

season's stabbings!

gellaho

Watch out for my foot-sword, friend

Mo's Over, Synergy

I'll anticipate your bladed extremity treachery

gellaho

Jesus Christ, fuck you ghostwriter

Mo's Over, Synergy

I'm just tuning in, how racist is that?

FancyShark

She better turn into a phoenix in the next few pages

gellaho

"Rob these banks and you can teach karate, OK?"

FancyShark

It's the kind of racist where white people say jive turkey and a Chinese lady teaches "karate" that is actually tai chi

gellaho

This doesn't make any sense

gellaho

Hey, he's taking back turkey for the white man

So, Pat's not in on it?

FancyShark

Seriously?!

Fuck you, author

gellaho

Gil is also not involved

FancyShark

So Pat just allowed all of the kids in his charge to be threatened and made no move to contact help

gellaho

"I saw red, because Gil was there, you know"

FancyShark

Ah, so Gil's actually a narc

gellaho

That guy selling guns to children is one tough customer

FancyShark

And a dozen police investigations go unsolved

gellaho

Anyway, the end

FancyShark

And drew it at Joe

She grabbed a cushion and drew it at Joe

Fuck you, editor

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

drew it from her cushion holster

gellaho

We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #102: Wrong Side of the Law

gellaho

I also got my Warriarr toy today

FancyShark

That was a delightfully stupid one. Thanks, @gellaho !

Always fun

And great riffing, everybody!

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Sorry I had to work through most of it, but thanks!

Gentleman Brendan

WHAT HAPPENED

FancyShark

It was Lisa Tang, the karate instructor!

And only three of the kids!

Gentleman Brendan

NO

FancyShark

Gil the Red was innocent!

Gentleman Brendan

This defies augury!

FancyShark

They were being blackmailed by the sinister Computer Company CEO who taught classes down the hall!

gellaho

The bank robbery was very secondary to the troubled teens charity