It's finally time. Frank and Joe encounter dangerous volleyball during a soft drink event at the beach. Get your explosive-proof swimsuits ready, because this Friday, 5pm Eastern, we will be reading The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #58: Spiked!.
@Brockway There is an explosive volleyball heading directly for you! Your only chance is to pin this comment!
That was close
SPIKED! that shit
If the victim is actually murdered for the price of a soda, this may unseat cemetery-dwarf-and-clones as my favorite evil plot
Also, check out the official Book Cage game at http://bookcage.quest/
I got 100%!!!
... out of two guesses
Good job, champ
I assume we can look forward to some uncomfortable descriptions of shirtless teenage boys.
That volleyball must have had a computer in it.
I am so here
I fucking DARE someone in my family to die and see if I don't attend the Hardy Party Hearty anyway.
Also my previous statement was supposed to be in reply to @gellaho's teaser
Coming up on the hour, It's The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #58: Spiked!. Here is the explosive preview
Damn. Chris has/had an arm on her.
YES YES YES
Nobody noticed the ball is heavier or off-balance
Not anymore she doesn't.
Heyooo!
Ah 'twas a copy of your joke, but less.
So are we five days without word from Tommy? Is he alive?
So far, yeah. Haven't seen a trace
I'm hoping he's at least getting some rest
SPIKED!
SPIKED!
🏐 💥
SPIIIIIIIKKKKEEDD!
Yes, they did devote a second title page to SPIKED!
Oh man. What if it's just one of those old-timey bombs painted to look like a volleyball?
They know art when they see it
Impossible. By law, it would say BOMB on the side.
I wonder if these two dorks are vacationing in California because of this soft drink promotion
My body is ready for this.
Frank looked so sweet in his bicycle cap
Fanny pack or the deal's off
Joe is a killer doll, confirmed
I assume by "sweet talked" they mean "berated"
And why do they need press passes?
"Please?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
[repeat]
You know how everyone can negotiate a press pass from a hotel night clerk? It's how I went to the Super Bowl this year.
HALF AN HOUR
Joe, the 17 year old, can't handle anything too sweet
Sir, the volleyball tourney tickets in the open sun are reserved for VIPs
The soft drink promotional volleyball tournament
And event designed to get people to look at it
What a natural way of speaking.
A chaw-chewing yokel spots his spit cup and retrieves it from Joe's hand
"What is this volleyed-ball of which you speak?"
Joe lives and dies by the thrill of the volley.
Joe, how did you make it to sixteen and not hear of volleyball?
Did your gym teacher only show drug PSAs?
I'm sure the 17 year old is very interested in men's beach volleyball
I bet you can't even make that today.
Frank takes in the muscly men
hey @gellaho did you hear the good news yet
Scooter was desperate to find an outlet for the rage over his name
I'm too busy to care
What about their lats?
I figured, just letting you know once you get back to untubed, we have a present waiting
Is Brad a surfer or a weightlifter?
Just look at those men
Those are completely different builds.
Osteen: Ginger Viking
Imagine if he looks exactly like his cousin Joel but pumped.
Swole Osteen.
The marketing team really went all-out with that Hi-Kick name
Wow, $75,000 for the pinnacle of your sport. So glamorous
"Almost as much as one of those computer nerds who died in Chicago!"
I got some SuperJuice for you
"But what flavor is it?"
"Super"
Frank is put off by the rudeness of these sport enthusiasts
Dynamite ball. Get it.
GET IT
Frank isn't amused by the dink
Now now, in 1990, that will buy you all the teal windbreakers you'll ever need.
If someone yells "Fantastic dink!" in public, I do not think about volleyball
The foreshadowing here is unreal.
Frank dislikes volleyball because only inanimate objects are punched.
Now Frank is captivated by the soft dink
Btw, if you have a book about "soft drinks" and put in the phrase "soft dink"
Everyone in the stands was beef jerky by day's end.
I kept trying to figure out why the soft drink shots were out of reach. And why he'd find that captivating
This sounds like one of my personal hells: Sitting and watching a sport that doesn't end while getting cooked by the sun
Dangit, scooped
You increase the appeal of the new drink by making everyone so dehydrated they'd drink ballsweat
It's how they created Bud American Ale
The kids'll love this
"FINISH HIM!"
The crowd is whipped into a frenzy by the soft dinks
What a fun children's mystery
"Joe, take your hand out of your pants."
"What, I'm not allowed to let a guy die during my event?"
Another sweaty, short business man
Osteen the teen
"Get the sun's lawyer on the phone."
"Why did I drink so much delicious Hi-Kick soda before that high-stakes volleyball match?"
"No! Shut him up! No one listen to him!"
The small man beats his tiny fists against Osteen, desperate to silence him.
"Mr. Osteen was quite naturally enjoying the energizing powers of Hi-Kick cola. Unfortunately, such potent sports relief can easily be too much, and he super-energized his system without a release. A football, basketball, or rugby player would have, in similar circumstances, played the best game of his life."
This is a first, somebody has actually heard about the extremely famous teens
Dick Prindle
Continuity!
...
Dick Prindle
I...
I'm paralyzed by options
Prick Dwindle!
Ol Frosty Dick Prindle
You know what this soft drink event needs, a diabetic
Dick knows his strokes, and this one feels lucky
I had, no lie, a professor in Ireland with a stutter.
Her name was Catriona Clutterbuck.
She was a wonderful teacher.
But my God, can you imagine what her early life was like? Having a stutter with a name like that among CHILDREN IN THE '80s?
It's Detective Irish McGee
Having a diabetic at your soda promotion is like having a hemophiliac at a boxing match
"Scooter, I'll get right to it. How the hell do you play a whole match in the sun without getting burned? Sweet mother McCree..."
I guess you needed to replenish the supply of redheads
Prindle's definitely hosting a 96-hour marathon about how Jewish lizards use satellites to control the nanites in vaccinated blood these days.
He's off to that big, diabetic soda event in the sky
The Big Rock Insulin Mountain
"Well, looks like I'm down one partner," said Scooter glumly. "How about you, Joe? Want to help me win this thing"
Frank remembers when he was Doogie Howser
Most Deaths in a Week
Still the record
I love how everything in this book needs to be qualified by prior experience and can't just be something the characters know.
Or a witness attests.
"Remember that week we spent lariating sheep with basque shepherds in South Dakota? They taught us the intricate varieties of merino-grade wool."
"I can't believe they canceled the tournament because of that twitchy guy, what a rip off."
Do they ever get paid?
EVER?
"We lost eight last year and they kept the games going!"
God, if I saw these two approaching, I would run so fast.
More like Joe & Frank Harbingery
"Lotta dead bodies wherever you boys turn up," the detective said over their file.
"Some would say that's peculiar."
"We can't handle caffeine, sir"
This book is making me want to go to Wendy's
Prindle: A living, breathing heart attack
Fuck your McFlurry, the Frosty is second only to the Blizzard.
Is it ice cream or milkshake? The perfect median.
McFlurry needs a working machine to compete
Tell me those have been in the trunk of Prindle's car all day.
Tell me he's an itinerant sodamonger.
Goes from town to town, peddling his wares
Traveling in a covered wagon selling Frosty health tonic.
The future of sport is beach volleyball, I'm telling you. We got one thousand people here. Superbowl? What's that? How many people watch that? "
'twas his own fermentation what killed Osteen.
In other words, Joe, you could have stayed inside to watch this
"YoU stArT thAt VolLeyBalL tOURnaMenT & Ur D3Ad"
If you're writing threats to volleyball players, take up a more thrilling hobby. Like knitting.
Pretty serious accusations
Man, SportsJuice plays rough.
"DEATH TO SUGARY DRINKS"
"Some nice lemon-lime you got there, Prindle. Be a shame if someone flattened it."
The insane part is that there's nothing on the page
Ballsweat Cola runs this town, see? When you're parched from athletics, it's the only choice to hydrate you so you can sweat hard, and play ball hard.
Bold of SuperJuice
Say what you will about death threats, at least they're an itinerary. This note is nihilist, Donny.
You ever know a man is bald by his name?
THIS COMMERCIAL I'M MAKING IS IMPORTANT ART
If Auerbach stopped by to gloat about a diabetic dying at a competitor's event, he will be more hardcore than half the villains we've ever seen
Ken Chaplin, the blond, mustachioed Commercial Artiste
Friendly reminder the Dallas PD incinerated the JFK footage almost immediately.
I bet he laid down a single white rose, and then, with a flourish of his cape, began reciting, "To an athlete, dying young"
Ken could have used that dying man's last moments!
Not quite
Wig
Plugs, baby
I don't judge, I'm just saying.
Auerbach is short too? DWARF FIGHT!
Dan Auerbach is a sexy, sullen rocker. Todd Auerbach is your company's VP.
"God, he is so fuckin' ripped," thought Frank
Frank briefly considers cupping one, just to feel it
Frank inappropriately gropes his frown.
"God, he's ripped, too!"
I hope there's a gay subtext because if not, this gay fantasy is WASTED on Joe.
These meet-cutes are getting weird
Just constantly being spun around by rough-knuckled, perfectly chiseled 20-year-old athletes...Ffffffuuuuck.
Joe ignored the latin lothario in that other book
"I hope these giant hunks don't beat me"
Well Joe's the MAGA one so
Joe's too smart for MAGA
Who grabs someone's shirt to push them?
Joe's Jared Kushner, Frank is the people who think Jared Kushner is looking out for them, you're right.
I get them confused.
Uh, oh, Joe's experiencing the rage
The hunks don't know about Joe's invulnerability
Right? I was reading that thinking it would honestly be pretty clever to shove someone, then yank them right back for a punch while they're off-balance.
Looks like Joe found a problem Frank can't fight his way out of. The only hope is to strip down to his trunks...
I mean, Frank's the smarter one. I just think you're giving MAGA too much credit saying they're at Joe's level.
...and challenge these guys to a contest on the court.
I can't keep them straight. Which one has anger issues, and which one masturbates into a paper cup so that God can't find his shame?
Run, Chris! A female will only infuriate Joe further!
Frank's the judo robot, Joe's the misogynist with an unbreakable skull
Oh shit, estrogen! Joe's trigger!
The author forgot to mention that George is a gorilla
G.Ritt
Yeah, keep apologizing for your boyfriend acting like a subhuman, college girl.
"George not like tiny men"
"He's not usually like this," she said with a practiced embarrassment.
Chris, that's called a "warning sign"
Joe thought, "They're so tall; I wonder if they'd step on me"
Frank is into vore, for sure.
"Marveled that two such.....women could be partners"??! What the fuck does that even mean Joe?
...we all agree there's a deliberate misconstr--yes, exactly.
How can attractive women stand to be near each other?!
Meet muscle man #869
Oh fuck Hardy boys
It's very simple, John. Women are jealous creatures, prone to flights of competitive curiosity. The prettier one will naturally assert herself.
The only solution is to become: partners.
I'm glad we're being told every guy has a Hi-Kick shirt
Vern Elliott?
A dragon devouring a snake just looks like a dragon that learned to fellate itself.
IT'S HAPPENING
What are you talking about? Those tattoos sound fucking rad.
Fuck you, Joe, Vern seems cooler than yesterday's dogshit.
Oh shit, it's already here
Dog with a knife in its teeth? If I can't have the real thing, hell yes I'll take a tattoo of it.
wait, why are they playing Chris and her definitely-on-the-court partner?
They're PAs, assigned to best two women at their pro careers?
I'm sure that's why he was in that position
They're taking B-roll for the film(?)
ohh
Yeah, I've used that excuse
Joe definitely had an erection when this woman exploded
Oh God, yeah, this SuperJuice commerical's going to be MMM so fucking hot I mean COOL
"No, my platonic sports partner!" cried Tammy in non-romantic anguish.
'i'm okay," said Chris. "Flash-bang grenade. Everyone gets these here on...Mario Kourt."
This is why Joe's girlfriends all die. He's chasing that high
FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUU
Oh fuck you, book
We've been looking forward to that scene for months. There better be another exploding ball fucking soon.
That's an exploding cigar-level bomb
"White phosphorus powder," said Frank, examining the ball, or possibly Joe, whichever one is the nerd. "I thought as much. A light dusting would scare--not harm--a player. Possibly costing them the match."
I'll always have you cover
Even though the girls are supposed to be taller
She's hugging him for protection OFFSIDES
And screaming like it's Doomsday
It's not?
"Joe's exploded 57 times, sir"
Joe's half-explosion at this point
I call shenanigans. If they did that, the ball would have had a very high voice.
Finally an officer with a brain. I'm on team Chaplin.
...wait, that's helium.
The ball would have been much higher with every hit.
HA!
eat it, chemistry.
This is a lot of work to stop a promotional event
I called this before the chapter started.
That's the "film maker"
Then make him Chief of Police.
"I've suffered too! A lens got scuffed!"
How? He's not Irish.
Chris doesn't think it's weird to joke about lethality after her ex-died
So Nadia killed Peter with sex?
Sounds like he was fucking Nadia.
Of course that's what Nadia is
Then she started catching feelings or else worried he could expose her improfessionalism
Yep. Killed him with sex.
Volleyball story as old as time.
"Girl why you talk to boy? Eat more horse meat, grow three inches. Very lucky to get horse in this country. As much horse as you can eat. In my country, is using dog."
she's like a reverse Romanian gym coach, is my joke.
This is a bold strategy for diabetes
Uh, no, Prindle
MORE GATORADE FOR THE DIABETIC
DIDN'T I SAY
HALF A GALLON?!
A HALF-GALLON OF HI-KICK
TWO QUARTS
Before he played a jumping and diving sport
He probably died of a stomach cramp
Jesus, that'd put a normal person into diabetic shock
Case closed
Well, disappointing about the cover but it was short
Sounds like a really flamboyant suicide.
Is Hi-Kick a sports drink or a soda, author
What if all the Hardy Boys books are painted first, and then reverse-plotted?
Carbonated Gatorade
SuperJuice is just flat Coke though.
If you're selling soda as a sports drink, you're just fueling the organ market
MORE HUNKS
Pour on the hunks
Well, not the kidneys.
Sr and Jr hunks
I see this author is a fellow fan of redheads.
So much manflesh and soda. Do you like your book sweet or savory?
That cannot be his name
Buzz Maestren
Buzz vs Scooter. The showdown of the century.
This book needs half as many characters if it wants me to give a shit about any of them.
We need half of them to get diabetes to speed this along
Nah, that's not suspicious
I don't care about any of them, where the fuck is Chet?
The real hero of this series.
McDonald's?
Chet is what the fast food places call "Defcon 1"
Hahaha, Frank just so happens to identify his crush's jerk boyfriend as the culprit.
No sense of self defense with these women
