67.5: 2 Break-Up! Gerry Conway & Paulo Henrique

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Joe & Frank Hardy CALL IT QUITS!

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gellaho

So, instead. A brief Hardy Boys Manga

Derpbat

He knew that the moment we left his story and kept turning the pages, we were damned.

FancyShark

oh shit!

Derpbat

Oh, fuck me.

gellaho

A product so shitty, they didn't want to put Dixon's name on it

Gentleman Brendan

Hardy Boys Street Fighter II sprite mod NOW

Chet is E. Honda

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

I think I have a copy of Buck Rodgers: Countdown to Doomsday someplace and Rex Moran would fit in nicely as a sci fi space hero.

Gentleman Brendan

Nancy is chun Li

gellaho

Inexplicable

Gentleman Brendan

Fenton is Dhalsim

Derpbat

There are so many characters who are basically Rex Moran in space.

Derpbat

Who's Bison?

Gentleman Brendan

Whoever blew up Joefrank's gf

Derpbat

Two of the four books in The Dying Earth star someone who is basically Rex Moran, in a world where people are allowed to be smarter than sump pumps.

gellaho

Couldn't think of a K for that acronym?

FancyShark

"Letters are expensive, okay?"

gellaho

I want you to appreciate Paulo for his art

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

PPfffft American teens love crime, wtf.

Derpbat

If we appreciate it, will he stop?

Or will it encourage him?

Gentleman Brendan

K is the worst acronym letter because it's supplemental.

Derpbat

American Turbo Teens Against Criminal Kings.

Gentleman Brendan

we should delete C, it's parked in K's space.

Derpbat

I did it!

I win acronyms!

FancyShark

Aaaand we're already off the rails because the Hardys are part of a larger organization

gellaho

Where should we put the words? Right in the crease? Absolutely

Gentleman Brendan

Punisher creator Gerry Conway

FancyShark

THAT's why his name was so familiar!

Derpbat

No one in their right mind would hire the Hardy Boys to be part of a larger group of crime fighters.

gellaho

Brilliant

Derpbat

That's how you end up exploding.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

I read that as FLAME DOOM! and got real hyped.

FancyShark

They're in shredded karate gis. This is already insane

Derpbat

Flames of Doom isn't bad, but it does lack the sheer power of FLAME DOOM!

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Like someone finally decided to kill the Hardy Boys with a burning monster truck rally

Derpbat

No! You fool, that only makes them stronger!

gellaho

I guess the machinery is doing this

Derpbat

There's only one way to defeat the Hardy Boys!

Gentleman Brendan

Break Ultimate Flames Up Challenge of Dooom

Derpbat

Get them interested in teenage girls who don't tolerate their boyfriends nearly dying all the goddamned time.

Or, you know, a gun.

You could also defeat them with a gun.

Two bullets.

FancyShark

We've lost so many Callies to that plan

gellaho

Time to spin

Gentleman Brendan

BLARARGH

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

I like how if you rebranded this it could also be a start to a sweet Double Dragon comic.

Derpbat

So, Hardy Boy characterization is a mess. But I'm pretty sure neither of them is 'the smart one' and 'the one who solves problems with punching'.

gellaho

What a great chapter

FancyShark

The End?

Derpbat

I wonder if that was what they set out to do.

And then they couldn't get the license.

gellaho

Oh, good. Joe's perspective

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

This is a manga so I assume they plan to have Frank and Joe make out?

Derpbat

Man, nothing's ever improved by seeing it from Joe's perspective.

Even Joe would tell you his perspective sucks.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

yet in my experience this is what happens if you hang a pair of boys up by the feet

FancyShark

oh hey, they got Robot Frank's personality down

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

don't ask

gellaho

I guess I skipped the zombie adventure

Derpbat

When did...

hair?

That not.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

That pink sleeveless hoodie is pretty cool tho.

FancyShark

"Zombie crawl scam"?

Derpbat

That pink sleeveless hoodie is almost too cool for normal Joe.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

That bird looks very upset at making a cameo

FancyShark

I think Conway is trying to tank this

Derpbat

I will admit that I do like they remember Frank has a parrot.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Bawk! Polly didn't sign a waiver!

FancyShark

He does?

gellaho

Just human bodies moving normally

Derpbat

I'm pretty sure it's been mentioned before.

Like, it's been 20 or so years since I read them, but I'm almost certain Frank had a parrot in the originals.

gellaho

Just like people move

FancyShark

That bird's gotta be dead by now

Gentleman Brendan

So glad I scrolled up before I earned a scoop.

gellaho

Also, why's it called "Break-Up" if siblings compete?

Gentleman Brendan

There's only one bed in that room.

Derpbat

...holy shit, in the originals the parrot had a fucking rad backstory.

FancyShark

Siblings like Clown Man and Redhead Lady

Derpbat

https://hardyboys.fandom.com/wiki/Playback

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Because Joe and Frank are single.

Gentleman Brendan

I dunno, porn sites have taught me 80% of you are all trying to get at your family.

gellaho

Deadly Wipeout

Gentleman Brendan

The other 20% like family guy tequila bibles

Derpbat

What sport was that meant to be?>

FancyShark

Wipeout

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

So its Ninja Warrior but for siblings.

Gentleman Brendan

I'm just over here watching amateur homemade like a DECENT CHRISTIAN

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Cool.

gellaho

The many faces of Paulo

Gentleman Brendan

Double redheads!

Derpbat

So... Misty, evil Misty, old guy, and...

Secret agent Chinese woman.

Gentleman Brendan

that's an instant bingo

Derpbat

Nah, seriously, that's Lois Lane.

FancyShark

The Roberta Twins worked very hard on that name

Derpbat

Also, I feel like this is racist.

FancyShark

Linda Hunt is much shorter than that

Derpbat

Mike Wallaby?

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

"Mike Wallaby, because Guy Australia was busy."

gellaho

Joe's hair is unacceptable

Derpbat

Oh, man, Joe's haircut looks even worse from this angle.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Joe just finished FF7 and GODDAM did it resonate with him.

FancyShark

Guess we know which video game the artist likes

Derpbat

Out of all the possible characters they could have given incredibly stupid hair to, why did they choose the one we're going to look at the most?

gellaho

Most unrealistic thing is the parents being around and/or concerned

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Fucking anime

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

THEY HAVE PARENTS?!

Derpbat

Okay, so, I hope everyone has their minor introduced character is the villain bingo cards ready!

gellaho

Fenton's at least mentioned usually

Derpbat

Please mark your choices now, and when the obvious twist is revealed we'll see who's right.

gellaho

The only time the mom has really showed up was when her clone got murdered

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

And.......is one of those women their aunt or is Fenton in a polyamorous relationship?!

gellaho

Aunt

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

But its Manga Hardy, so it could still be what I said.

gellaho

Duh

Derpbat

Look, the hospital is the safest place for this guy.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Yeah why would you not be proud of injuring teens?!

Derpbat

That's the only place they'll find a cure for whatever shrank his right arm.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

It worked really well for Action Park.

gellaho

Fenton looking real rough

Derpbat

Wait, he thinks Frank will do what?

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

huh

FancyShark

Fenton "Squished Jack Nicholson" Hardy

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

What species is Fenton?

FancyShark

Pencil eraser

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Lol Manga Fenton too busy thinking about stuffing his sister wives gyoza to think about which of his sons is responsible.

Derpbat

It's never made clear but I think he's some sort of gingko.

Gentleman Brendan

Would i be right in guessing this is 2005 material?

Derpbat

The whole point of the Hardy Boys in the 90s is that neither of them is responsible.

gellaho

CHET!

Derpbat

Hi, Chet.

FancyShark

CHET!

gellaho

2011

Derpbat

...Chet looks the exact same size as the two Hardies.

Gentleman Brendan

I like fat Chet better than this nurock pear-bod dumpster Chet

Derpbat

Exactly the same size.

And they're still fatshaming him!

gellaho

Buh

Derpbat

THIS IS WHY HE DOES THIS STUFF TO HIMSELF!

Oh, Chet, my boy, what have they done to you?

Gentleman Brendan

If you love food and you're fat, chase your dreams, bubby. If you're just the tambourinist from Smashmouth, get the hell off my lawn.

FancyShark

He better double in size when he fights serious

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Man they really did Chet dirty

LyraV

Why does he look like he stuck his finger in a light socket?

FancyShark

They always do

gellaho

I am the producer

Gentleman Brendan

Chet is our favorite Hardy character

Always comes out the class act.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Is he supposed to look like he's in Smash Mouth tho?

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Why does he look so happy about it?

Derpbat

No.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Chet welcomes death baby!

Derpbat

Chet is fat.

FancyShark

Chet is a hero

Derpbat

It's literally his only defining characteristic.

gellaho

Such a majestic spread

Derpbat

Like, Chet is a large, round individual who cheerfully engages in personally dangerous activities for the sake of his friendship with

FancyShark

The place is haunted

gellaho

Look at all the lack of detail

Derpbat

I can't remember which one of them he's friends with.

I don't know if Chet remembers, either.

All that head trauma's probably erased most of his childhood memories by now.

FancyShark

He's friends with everyone, but only the Hardys acknowledge it. It's bullshit

gellaho

Religious groups famously hated stunt gameshows

Derpbat

I think Chet is in Frank's grade?

FancyShark

Welp, there's the villain

Derpbat

Yeah, that's... that's probably the villain.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

I mean religious guy isnt WRONG but he can still fuck off.

gellaho

This makes me deeply uncomfortable

Derpbat

JOE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WEAR A FUNKING HAT YOU FUNKING FUNKER.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

what? Gameshows arent women or gays

Derpbat

YOU ARE AN OBSCENITY

Okay. Okay. I'm calm. I've got it.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

God what is up with this poor girl?!

Gentleman Brendan

This is the most controversial Hardy boys we've ever done, and most of them have an Ethnic who talk like DEESE

Derpbat

I dated her in what you Yanks would call middle school.

She was fun.

I think she went into politics.

gellaho

Bad Paulo, bad

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Also Im almost sure its illegal for Frank and Joe to be anywhere that close to redheaded twin gymnasts.

LyraV

šŸŽµ laaaaaaaaaaašŸŽµ

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Goddam tho those girls are fucking BUILT

Derpbat

No, that's about par for Joe.

Joe gives off this aura that tells women they don't want to be involved with him in any way.

At least in the regular books.

gellaho

Next page, inexplicable destruction

Derpbat

Here it's that funking hair cut.

Gentleman Brendan

I can tell you of a fact no matter how equitably you try to write your characters even the best artists will make the women AWHOOOOGA

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

The haircut is cute but the fact that he emotes at either 0% or 150% is a big problem

gellaho

Watch out, Chet!

Derpbat

Chet, you are about to be eaten by a shark.

You will be missed.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

OH SHIT THAT PRODUCER HAS A KNIFE!

Derpbat

By us.

Gentleman Brendan

Also that lazy artist flipped the same drawing and changed three details

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

CAn we get some Chet Boys Adventures?

gellaho

Faces matching dialog is optional

Derpbat

Left to his own devices Chet lives a very happy life going to the kitchen and then to the table and then to the kitchen and then to the table.

public jakesy no. 1

Whoa we doing weird anime Hardy Boys now?

Derpbat

We were serious, his character trait is 'he likes food'.

FancyShark

Kids getting killed by scaffolding is great TV?

Derpbat

There is no market for Chet Boys adventures.

gellaho

"Smudge"

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Producer lady aint wrong tho, I would watch the shit out of Joe and Frank getting smushed by scaffolding.

Gentleman Brendan

Jakesy my man, strap in, and let me tell you the ballad of Rex Moran: Chet Impersonator

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Okay so we do get accurate representation for reality tv producers

Derpbat

That woman fucks.

Which in a 90s Hardy Boys story means she's probably evil.

Shark Puke Fetishist GDC

Is this gender swapped John Landis?

gellaho

Chet need food

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

True but this isn't about me it's about the comic

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Does 12 hour shifts jerking off coal miners.

Derpbat

Oh, thenk God, they read their notes about how 'CHET IS FAT'.

gellaho

2011

Derpbat

I was worried.

Gentleman Brendan

Dragonball H

Derpbat

Oh.

...what?

This is from 2011?

FancyShark

Chet has gained 30 pounds in the last two pages

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

"The pace is better than Z but the fights are less cool"

public jakesy no. 1

More like Preparation Z

gellaho

Chet's hair grows and shrinks based on his emotions

Derpbat

Hey, don't you judge how he responds to Joe's hair.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

I thought Chet was about to go Super Saiyan

Derpbat

We all have to deal with Joe's hair in our own way, and Chet has chosen food.

public jakesy no. 1

Fuckin somebody better go super saiyan

Otherwise what is this all for

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Um why is Frank miming...

Derpbat

All jokes aside, Chet is usually like 200% too sweet and generous to go super saiyan.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Nvm

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Man they keep trying to set up Joe and Frank as being somewhat antagonistic but I just can't buy in to the idea they have emotions.

Gentleman Brendan

This is the biggest serving of Chet we've ever gotten, and I'm around to see it develop.

gellaho

I don't need horny Chet

gellaho

Or horny Paulo

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

SHE KEEPS MAKING THIS FACE!

Derpbat

I don't think Chet's being horny, I think he's trying to keep Frank from meddling with the machines.

FancyShark

That blonde girl is a mandragora, right?

Derpbat

Chet knows his Hardies by now.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Or a labrador in human form.

Derpbat

<Chet> NO! FRANK! STAY AWAY FROM THE 'TOYS'. LOOK AT THE GIRLS! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS, BUT LOOK AT THE GIRLS, FRANK!

public jakesy no. 1

Also the soft and dumpy chick has the exact same body type as the other chicks?

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Soft and dumpy? She's drawn exactly the same

public jakesy no. 1

I'm not picking up what they're putting down here

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

Scooped

public jakesy no. 1

Lol

Gottem

Derpbat

Seriously, did this guy think anime art is just bad hair?

gellaho

Thanks for the "then" and "now." Otherwise I'd be so confused because my memory is so short

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

The main difference between Labrador Girl and the twins is the twins are muscled like fucking pitbulls and are also mean little bitches.

FancyShark

Girls mocking the bodies of girls drawn the same way as them is pretty standard anime

Derpbat

Everything for Frank is teamwork?

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

... she's from Labrador?

Derpbat

...Frank?

public jakesy no. 1

I bet Joe plays solo a lot

FancyShark

Which means they're probably not evil

Derpbat

Frank Hardy?

Okay then.

gellaho

Faces are hard

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

The face of a woman who just caught you pitching a tent.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

where do the lips go

Derpbat

Sure, Joe, your brother (who has on multiple occasions forgotten you were in mortal danger) is all about team work.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

eh somewhere around there

Derpbat

That's his fatal... flaw. (?)

gellaho

"Should I put something on the screen? Nah"

Gentleman Brendan

I've never seen a talking poodle before.

public jakesy no. 1

Hold up

Derpbat

...god, every time I see Joe's haircut it upsets me in a new way.

Karate Physics Flippant Sausage

Oh this is a crime.

Like a crimey crime, accessing data under false pretenses.

Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

That's.. completely blank?

public jakesy no. 1
Derpbat

That part's normal.

public jakesy no. 1
Rachel, Swamp Philosopher

What data???