NANCY DREW - VAMPIRE SLAYER?! There's a new boy in town--but is he human or vampire?
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gellaho
The Book Cage - Episode 83.5: Nancy Drew: Girl Detective ®️: The New Case Files: Vampire Slayer
As part of an abbreviated Book Cage this week, we will be delving into shameless IP theft and creative laziness. Is Nancy Drew a vampire slayer? The book doesn't even want to commit to that. Featuring some of the worst art I've ever seen and nearly identical characters. This Friday, 5pm Eastern, we'll try to puzzle out exactly how it three heads to produce this two part series.
gellaho
Badgerman
Fuck yeah, Christmas Hotdog Monster Mash
1000 Space GDCs
That vampire is hardcore, not even it's coffin casts a shadow
gellaho
Coming up on the next hour, it's Nancy Drew: Girl Detective ®️: The New Casefiles: Vampire Slayer. Here is your preview. Be warned, it is obnoxious
1000 Space GDCs
She doesn't carry guns, she's a knife girl
Badgerman
I've seen politicians who waffle on facts less hard than this ghostwriter did in two paragraphs
Ak, putting the Them in Fthemboy
this reads less 'unreliable narrator' and more 'insecure head trauma victim'
Badgerman
It's like that speech Don Knotts made to the town in The Ghost & Mr. Chicken
Nonexistent entity Thrillho
What is Ferroday's avatar doing in that book?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"When I do extralegal vigilante activities, its without any form of authority or even regard for my personal safety. Isnt that NEAT!?"
gellaho
Time to get while the gettin's good
Badgerman
"PapercutZ" alone means this book deserves to die in a fire
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its got a Z so you know its RADICAL!
1000 Space GDCs
It was better than Papercut GT at least.
gellaho
We meet Nancy in a psychotic mood with her friends
Badgerman
Hahaha what the fuck is on that dude's face
Is he being eaten by a mynock
Ozzie
Dollar store werewolf jaw (upper head not included)
gellaho
This is George. George is a girl, and I'm not sure the artist knows that
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ah remember when you could walk into a movie theater with a crossbow?
"These barbershop clippings are fucking ITCHY Bess!"
1000 Space GDCs
I actually think the hard-boiled noir narration is an improvement
gellaho
They decided on a route through the cemetery, when all of a sudden
Badgerman
Oh shit, it's Kylo Ren
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Grave Parkour!
It what all the teens are into.
Badgerman
Also, Nancy got jumpscared once here and it's as frightening as it will ever be
I'll be the judge of that, Nance
gellaho
Just look at how he drew Nancy and Bess's eyes. Poor George didn't get any extremely pointy eyelashes
1000 Space GDCs
Look out, a goth!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
TEEN STAMPEDE!
Badgerman
Dude saw "George" and thought he grokked it immediately. No further research required
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Teens instinctively start running as a herd when they see another teen run.
Badgerman
It's like a bomb defusal squad
gellaho
George also has the exact same barber as this vampire
Badgerman
Just the tiniest little vampire mouth you ever did see
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Um......Nancy? We go to school together? You know who I am."
1000 Space GDCs
You're in costumes too, remember?
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Triangle under the eye is an odd touch.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"In third period you yelled at me you did a background check? Then you tased me when I handed you an eraser you dropped?"
1000 Space GDCs
It's a vampire mime!
gellaho
Buh, what
Badgerman
Hahaha she turned into a chipmunk there for one panel
Full on Elsa face
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
I thought it said Torgo for sure.
Badgerman
If only, if only
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Im having trouble suspending disbelief when the "vampire" runs away from her.......mutant chihuahua?
1000 Space GDCs
Shit Nancy, the poor goth kid gets chased by your dog and then you pull a crossbow on him?
He just wanted to go to the Bauhaus tribute show.
Badgerman
It really feels like Nancy is just playing most dangerous game with an unwilling volunteer
gellaho
He still lept at you from the top of a grave, you dipshit
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Nancy, I live next door! Im going to the same movie! We talked about this a half hour ago!"
Badgerman
The tiny mouth sickness spreads!
gellaho
Looks like Nancy lost her face in all the excitement
You can take the beard off now, George. It's over. George?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Bess where are your hands?!"
"Where are yours George?"
1000 Space GDCs
Is she supposed to have Clockwork Orange eye makeup or is that just bad art?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"No, seriously, are you just poking your snoot into that popcorn and hoovering up?"
gellaho
What kind of a title is "Dielite?"
Badgerman
Six of one, half dozen of the other
Aw shit, that's an Arbiter of Fate. Somebody's been fucking with the canon timeline
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Dielite is the horror spinoff of Die Hard.
Badgerman
Dielite: not as tasty, but probably better for you
gellaho
Drawing new faces is too much work
Badgerman
Jesus, this is just lazy.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cut and paste is a valid artistic technique!
1000 Space GDCs
Nancy has Jay Sherman face in those panels
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
This is uniquely painful to look at it's like it was drawn by Bratz dolls brought to life by evil.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Viva Jay Sherman! Viva Quebec!
gellaho
Nancy's hunch also told her this cloak is a girl
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nancy can smell her uterus at a hundred paces.
Badgerman
You say your hunches are usually right but you haven't struck the lotto once for seven straight years
1000 Space GDCs
1000 Space GDCs
gellaho
Must have been the lips
Badgerman
Dear god, her skullcap is perfectly flat
Ak, putting the Them in Fthemboy
this is discrimination against juicy-lipped boys
gellaho
But, seriously, what's your real name?
Ak, putting the Them in Fthemboy
those gasps are suppressed chuckles, like I just did
Badgerman
"Coffson"
More like "Goffson", with the fucking dork ass emo fit
gellaho
George is the "funny" one
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
God Gregor is just such a grandpa name to inflict on a young man.
1000 Space GDCs
You can just say your name is Greg, dude.
Badgerman
Bensen Estate? Did something happen to Dr. Honeydew?
Ramb$ne Gracie
he thought the Y was too traditional
so he dropped it
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
It looks like a giant hand is holding him back
Badgerman
Hey George, why'd you paint paw pads on your hands
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Cant unsee it now.
gellaho
Nancy usually feels nothing but contempt for those with nervous disorders
1000 Space GDCs
Nancy's monologue is catty as hell
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Im very sorry for startling you by running away from your dog attacking me randomly."
gellaho
"Oh, fudge" said George's permanently angry brows
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Sure giant void shape I'll walk you wherever just please get some shading.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
George and Bess are just so thirsty.
Badgerman
There's only one solution. Devil's Triangle
gellaho
Well, at least there won't be any brown haired boys to confuse with George
Uh, oh
Badgerman
It's okay, Ned has a normal person haircut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its ......NED! Whooo is........Ned?
He........Neds?
gellaho
Ned is Nancy's boyfriend
Badgerman
I bet Ned and Chet go to the same bar and bitch about their teen detective protagonist problems
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ohhhhh THAT Ned.
gellaho
But nevermind that, in comes this crazy bitch
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The barely there and instantly forgettable Ned.
1000 Space GDCs
So forgettable the artist forgot to draw him
Badgerman
Okay, if someone like Deidre starts buttering you up like that, do not trust it. She is out for your valuables. Possibly organs.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gregor has a very firm grasp of stranger danger.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
1000 Space GDCs
Is deidre wearing a corset?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Nobody is touching Gregors No No Square today, Satanists.
gellaho
And instantly rejected
Badgerman
:3
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Everyone look in different directions at once!
gellaho
Why draw when you can not draw?
Badgerman
Bwahahaha
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"If you dont look DD in the eyes she gets confused and wanders off, believing shes become invisible. Shes like a T-Rex, her vision is based on stupid."
Badgerman
"They just didn't care!"
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
'Hi I'm boyfriend' was just Ned being real with himself
1000 Space GDCs
Ned knows what he is.
gellaho
Ladies love boys with the complexion of a corpse
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned doesnt even know she exists.
Badgerman
George almost looks jealous in that last panel
Not that you can tell under the bush they're wearing
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
I only see George as this
gellaho
Later, Nancy is about to be abducted by extraterrestrials
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
sure because you're so busy 'solving crimes' that's why.
1000 Space GDCs
Forgetting Ned as soon as he's out of sight is normal.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"The card says "Keep your fucking dog on a leash or I will bury you in kidneys."
gellaho
Nancy's neck is growing some strange lines
Badgerman
Real talk, what neck
That's just a block that her head is sitting on
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
It's like they forgot her jaw line was hidden by her hair.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
She's mostly comprised of eyes, everything else just kind of hovers around them
Badgerman
Be Not Afraid
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
This artist needs a swat with a rolled up newspaper and a nap.
gellaho
Nancy is mostly made from twigs and twine
Badgerman
Oh, so she's like Ranni
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
This is too fucking funny I can't even...it looks like his hands are just hovering over a chair like spae
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The fuck, Nancy why are you wearing an 18th century tunic with puffy shoulders and tights? Going to a Warhammer Fantasy con later?!
gellaho
Nancy, that looks more like contemptuous than flattered
Badgerman
Was Nancy bodysnatched and replaced with a haunted Victorian fuck doll when nobody was looking?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
They didnt really take much time in kinda dispelling the idea hes a vampire tho, did they. I was expecting a little more "Mayyyyyybe he is a vampire and not just a Euro weirdo."
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
It's hard to take you seriously with that ghost car about to hit you in the face
gellaho
So, this goes on for a week. And some people are talking about it. Not really sure who
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Nancy Drew Makes New Friend! Impossible Possible, Scientists Say!"
gellaho
Ned seems really psyched that he hasn't heard from Nancy
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Its a DJ and someone being driven over by a boat in a poorly drawn sea?
1000 Space GDCs
Ned had hoped he was finally free.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned has a healthy relationship, its too bad its with Nancy.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Ned just chilling in the movie Dark City
gellaho
That's certainly an "Awp" face
Badgerman
I really hope we never see the lower half of George's face again. Just always hidden behind something like the neighbor on Home Improvement.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Who holds their phone like that?
Badgerman
Why draw more face when less face do trick
1000 Space GDCs
This was drawn by someone who had never seen a human move before.
Badgerman
For eat the Android like potato chip
gellaho
What century is Diedre supposed to be from
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Holy Shit @gellaho I think this one broke me
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned........do you not use the internet much? Literally anyone who knows you would send you a picture of your girlfriend hanging out with another guy.
DD has some fuckin DRIP tho.
Do you think this Countess Bathory getup has a matching parasol?
gellaho
Whole lot here. Possibly the worst is that he drew a cat instead of a dog
gellaho
Badgerman
Oh my god, I've cracked it
He's on the run from the Dog Police
This was a sting
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
@Brendan Nancy Drew is falling under the spell of the worst drawn vampire to ever exist.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Diedre can see through Ned's skull
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Everyone is just surprised Nancy has a new friend, its odd that the winner of the annual Tri State Unlikeability Contest managed to find someone whos self esteem is low enough to hang out with her.
1000 Space GDCs
This is a Brooke hand
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Diedre has attached angry spikes to her eyelids as some form of punishment
They've clearly stabbed her in the nose several times
gellaho
Myfaceplace
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Thats an insane conclusion to jump to.
gellaho
Really did just draw George as generic boy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Like straight up, insane.
1000 Space GDCs
That is a massive bed
Badgerman
I've seen code lyoko characters less generic than this
1000 Space GDCs
It's got to be ten feet long at least
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bess needs that room to make the jumps in logic.
Or shed fall off the bed.
gellaho
The fuck is happening on that table
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well.....
Badgerman
Give the formless shapes which inhabit this school I assume it's a dead classmate
1000 Space GDCs
They went to the Vague Silhouette Cafe.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
In this land of shifting shadows all is mystery.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
When a mommy and a daddy shadow beast love each other very much.
They do this thing called "Cowgirl position"
gellaho
Bess is having a moment
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
In a cafeteria. Full of school children.
Badgerman
Ned's spider sense is tingling!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
When bess says "take a walk" she means "Go to the closet".
gellaho
Nancy's got the crazy eyes
1000 Space GDCs
1000 Space GDCs
Badgerman
Oh god oh fuck she's about to snap
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Y.....yeah Nance. N...ned understands. Just.......just put the knife down, okay?"
1000 Space GDCs
Why would you reuse that hand
gellaho
This mysterious redhead changed George's haircut
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Its a pretty good "Cursed by a witch" hand.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
'Wait you can see her too?'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
More totally insane conculsions from Bess and George.
Badgerman
Holy shit, that redhead made George even more of a twink somehow
gellaho
Later
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
I kinda stan gender nonconforming George.
Neds just so horny right now he powered up.
Badgerman
Honestly for a completely accidental lazy decision, non-binary George kinda slaps
1000 Space GDCs
They haven't moved an inch for weeks!
1000 Space GDCs
Badgerman
Oh my god what is wrong with his haaaaaaaands
gellaho
Time for Swiggly Red Lines, starring Ned
gellaho
gellaho
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shes got more than one of those tops. She shops at Ye Olde Hotte Topice.
Ned's off to have a VERY angry wank and get all his big feelings out.
Badgerman
Oh Ned. There's no escaping the Book Cage. You're in this world of shit for life.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Nancy's hair is escaping
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah of course. I was angling for a three way. Why?"
Badgerman
It's unfolding like Jean Jacket
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Do you think Ned doesnt think I'm good looking? Does he not like emo boys?"
gellaho
Can you count the different haircuts George has on this page?
gellaho
And don't be tricked by the bottom left, that's a Ned
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bess needs to be kept away from things like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion with that "If vampires arent real why are there so many books about them?!" logic.
1000 Space GDCs
George has a bizarre grip on her Blackberry
Badgerman
Good grief, either copy/paste all your characters or redraw them every time, but fucking decide already, PapercutZ
gellaho
Try to guess who's who
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Fast forward 10 years and Bess is ranting on a message board about reptoids controlling the government and their war with the immortal bigfoot magician at the Earths Core.
Also funny how they dont tell Ned "We think Nancy is friends with a literal real life Vampire who is mind controlling her."
Because they know how that sounds.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
they're both characters from Mystic Messenger?
gellaho
Ned fucking loves drapes. Or George does, I'm not sure
Badgerman
Paul McCartney there in the center
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
or he works nights
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Jesus Bess would you drop that vampire shit, he's just European."
gellaho
Look at all that fruit punch
gellaho
Definitely not blood, because that ain't what it looks like
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So he's European, has a skin condition, and likes making jam.
Sue him.
1000 Space GDCs
it's not blood, it's b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-blood.
Badgerman
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-That's all, folks!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Yeah of course I have jars of blood. How do you Americans make blood pudding?"
gellaho
Open up wide, Ned
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gregor Coffson is a Gregor Gothson, confirmed.
Badgerman
Listen. It's actually pretty cosy in a coffin, as long as you keep the lid cracked
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
He wasnt expecting company so he didnt put out his best dribbly candles.
gellaho
Nancy has been taken by the void
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And where else do you get velvet bedding?
gellaho
Leading these chuckle fucks to Scooby-Doo it
gellaho
Their shoes are very excited about it
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Nancy, my secret is.........I like kinky sex in coffins while smeared in jam. Will you and Ned join my international polycule?"
Badgerman
Thanks for those action triangles so we knew where they were, artists. Would never have figured it out otherwise
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Look they knew how to draw triangles for sure and kept going back to it.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"What if he can smell our Christian blood tho!"
"That's TROLLS Bess."
gellaho
George has caught the neck line disease
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"ITS VAMPIRES TOO! FUCK YOU I READ THOSE BOOKS!"
Badgerman
Soundproofing, lightblocking drapes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wrinkleneck claims the lives of so many teens.
Badgerman
Any chance Gregor can drop the Amazon link
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
So sad.
gellaho
Alright, now we're going full cartoon
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Bess.........you are a fucking maniac.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Let's both close our eyes while this is happening
Badgerman
He's going to put her in the fridge. Which we were just shown was already stuffed to capacity.
Get a fucking grip, Bess.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Assume Gregor is a vampire. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?
gellaho
Ew, tomato juice
Badgerman
Heheheh he craves salty liquids
gellaho
Looking a little pointy, Nancy
Badgerman
Is that what they're calling it these days
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Which brings me back to my kinky sex threeway proposal from the driveway. I crave salty liquids, will Ned give me some?"
Badgerman
Bone cancer in her cheekbone. Tragic really
gellaho
Snooze
Badgerman
Ugh, leave it to the comic book nerds to rationalize all the mystery out of vampires
1000 Space GDCs
Why are his hands so tiny all of a sudden
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
And you.........have a coffin in your living room.......why?
gellaho
Hey, they figured out how to draw briefly
1000 Space GDCs
Isn't that what they called vampirism in Morrowind?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yup
Badgerman
What variety of anthro do you think they were going for for that first panel
gellaho
You're just as good as Nancy Drew
Ozzie
It's half of it, yeah
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Don't take note of how my head is suddenly HUGE and my hands are TINY
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Oh it just makes for a good coffee table."
gellaho
Go fuck yourself
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"I keep books in it now."
Badgerman
I'm honestly more insulted by "Sleight of Dan" being the title than anything
1000 Space GDCs
"Sleight of Dan" is making me crack up for some reason
Badgerman
Oh good, we have all the viewpoints
gellaho
Nancy's got lines going all over the place, and Gregor has shut down
Badgerman
I'm glad we're having all this told to us as opposed to shown
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh so thinking you'd think he's weird for his disease makes him a ten year old, Nancy?
gellaho
Neither of these faces are expressing the correct emotion
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also he is kind of weird, but mostly because he didnt throw out that fucking coffin and wears Spock ears.
gellaho
Well, actually this
Badgerman
"Ned is your boyfriend? Really?"
gellaho
Whi is something a ten year old might say
1000 Space GDCs
"That's a couch, Greg. I'm behind you."
gellaho
DAMN YOU, INTERNET!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Oh so more than just Bess and George are insane weirdos.
Cool, good to know.
Badgerman
Hahaha this dude has been cyberbullied into moving across fucking continents
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gregor needs to get a gaming PC and throw out that coffin tho.
1000 Space GDCs
I love how the artist just screencapped their Outlook on Windows XP with the silver theme and stuck it in there
gellaho
Everybody's insane
Badgerman
Wouldn't it be easier to just get ADT or something
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Wait.......my guy........you live in America. You can just buy a gun and a big dog.
gellaho
Meanwhile, Ned's lines have changed color
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or well........maybe not a dog because you're scared of them.
You could get a guard alligator!
OR a tiger!
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
In frustration he began emitting squiggly lines
Badgerman
Smash the window, it's not like they'll hear through the drapes anyway
gellaho
The curtain is the real star of the show
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Jesus Bess you brought a murder weapon?!"
Badgerman
How many arms does Bess have there
1000 Space GDCs
"We did not discuss this, Bess."
gellaho
"I'm through living in fear!" he said, hiding behind his haunted house traps
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Ned does not have enough questions for Bess right now.
For a second I thought when he said "worked with tigers" he would unleash a live tiger on Ned.
"I'M A BIG BRAVE BOY," he said, from the safety of his trap control room
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Catching him in a cage like an asshole is good too.
Brendan
HELLO I WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH PORYPHYRIA AND COULD REALLY USE A PICK ME UP, WHAT ARE WE READING TONIGHT?
1000 Space GDCs
George is turning into some kind of elf
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Living the best kind of enby life.
Badgerman
If they weren't one already
gellaho
"Urk?"
Brendan
When you're a vampire you type in all caps.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
These are pretty good traps.
Badgerman
Not quite as kinky as the rope trap in Five Elements Ninjas but I imagine Greg was working on short notice
gellaho
1000 Space GDCs
George is going for a sweet dunk.
gellaho
And Bess gets the impossible trap
Badgerman
Bess just fucking dies
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Two broken kneecaps later
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"you would not believe how expensive it was to get the contractors to stuff the alligators down the chute."
gellaho
Into the void! And don't you dare make a face matching what you are saying!
Badgerman
Clipped out of world, never recovered the body
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gregor..........you know this is kind of illegal, right? Like you'd be better off with a shotgun and an alarm.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Is that her thumb?! I thought it was some kind of thing attacking her.
gellaho
Gregor's computer explodes whenever a trap goes off
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
BREEP
Badgerman
Cuz my breeper kept breepin'
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Gregor.........you had to spend like a couple mil on this. Why not just hire a private eye or a bodyguard?
Badgerman
Not nearly mysterious enough
gellaho
Wait, how did Bess end up in there? And how are they all that close in the same room?
Badgerman
Also harder to get a bodyguard or PI to go along with the monster mash theme
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahaha Bess what the fuck, you absolutely deserve to be there, considering you brought a murder weapon.
Gregor should press charges.
Badgerman
Yeah, no, this is a kink playroom. Y'all fucked up and now you're trapped.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Or reveal that he is also a vampire.
Just one with porphyria.
gellaho
She is?
Badgerman
Oh wow, they actually remembered
I guess they were going for more of a tomboy thing?
gellaho
What a phenomenally weird thing to say, Nancy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahhahaha Ned are you admitting they told you? And you went along with it?
Badgerman
That's- that's not even close to probable cause, Nancy
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also Nancy you arent like.......a cop. Or even a PI. You have guaranteed most of the people you catch go free and sue the state.
Badgerman
If anything it's YOU who should be in prison, Nancy
Brendan
Breaking into a vampire's house is more ethicalthan a suspected criminal's.
gellaho
Nancy Drew, choosing this vague stalker threat over her friends and boyfriend
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Also Nancy why are you friends with two girls this insane? They thought he was a fucking VAMPIRE.
And YES THEY DO NEED TO LEAVE.
Thats not you being unreasonable, Nancy.
gellaho
A page composed entirely out of existing drawings
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Is she meant to be IN the box with the swords?
Badgerman
I'm surprised Gregor didn't try to talk her into helping him murder them now that he has her wrapped around his little finger
1000 Space GDCs
This artist doesn't really get the concept of layers in photoshop
Badgerman
Yes, only don't ask how she got in there from sliding down a trapdoor
gellaho
Look at this master of stealth
Badgerman
Ninja stealth run!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
"Hey its so suspicious that that guys house we just broke into had traps for people breaking in."
gellaho
This is some fuse box
gellaho
The fuck is happening
Badgerman
Ope, she triggered the resident evil self-destruct
Whud! Whud! Whud!
gellaho
This seems like a bad system
Badgerman
"We'll suffocate inside the manor along with any intruders! Making me the victor!"
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Well thats one way to do it, i guess. But........how do you turn it off if it goes off when the power is cut?
gellaho
Quick, to the fainting couch!
Badgerman
Conks his head on the edge of a counter like Chuck McGill
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahaha more like Gregor Habsburg.
gellaho
Who could this mysterious voice be?
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
She keeps almost turning into Lady Amalthea from the Last Unicorn
gellaho
Eat shit, kids!
Badgerman
The best reveals are the ones where it's still not clear what's being revealed
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Shes not even a vampire hunter, she just thinks he's bourgeoisie.
She's a Well Armed Peasant. WAP.
gellaho
This is a flimsy ass excuse for this, editor
Badgerman
Hahaha I've seen thicker justification from fanfic liner notes
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Hahahah wouldnt it be cool if we did some Nancy Drew shit where she slays a vampire? We didnt but wouldnt it be cool if we HAD?! Wild stuff, reader we just admitted to fucking over.
1000 Space GDCs
The editor takes a stream of consciousness approach, here.
gellaho
And if you loved this, kids, you'll also love the illustrated Scarlet Letter!
1000 Space GDCs
I can already tell the art is better
Badgerman
Oh, because we all loved it the first time in high school.
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Yeah just what I wanted, a picture of Arthur Dimmesdale supressing his Satanic urge to teach children swear words.
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Next up the Illustrated 'Bonfire of the Vanities'
Badgerman
And for Christmas, why not the Illustrated Naked Lunch?
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The illustrated version of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle was cancelled, they said it was in poor taste.
Brendan
This is the second worst thing that ever happened on September 18th
Homer Simpson, Nancy Drew hunter
gellaho
Well, tonight we were all Halle
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Halle deserves revenge for this.
I hope they got it, either on the relative that gave this to them or on the author.
gellaho
Well, someone tore out whatever the first page was
Badgerman
More intrigue on its own than anything the story itself could offer
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
Probably to cut the letters out for the death threat.
Brendan
Dear Diary. I understand the messages Nancy Drew was sending me through the fiction membrane of the novelverse. A tidal wave of blood shall give life to our two causes.
gellaho
Well, that was it for tonight's abbreviated Book Cage
Brendan
Well met, Gellaho Drew!
Badgerman
Caged like Ned
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
@gellaho I haven't laughed like that in ages this was solid gold Thank You
gellaho
Some other time we will get into part two and the crossover with the Hardy Boys.
Badgerman
Thanks once again, gellaho!
gellaho
gellaho
Then the cycle will be complete for The New Case Files
Badgerman
Hahaha the Hardies look like such dirtbag anime protagonists already
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
so many weird screenshots
LyraV (hiding in the xmas tree)
Her poofy sleeves are all that can stop the Hardys!
Horse Boxing Flippant Sausage
The Hardy Boys look like they are from a low budget adaptation of Double Dragon.
gellaho
Just remembered that George and Bess are supposed to be cousins. Which explains why they look so similar
