On Halloween the dead walk free...and the living pay the price!
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gellaho
I have listened to the will of the people. The next book will be The Hardy Boys Casefiles(tm) #80: Dead of Night. This book promises multiple counts of murder including the Hardy Boys' mother. Will Joe Hardy add Frank to the list of the dead? Or will the inevitable cop out dampen our spirits? Find out this Friday, 5pm Eastern.
Discord has decided to be difficult
gellaho
Will it work now
gellaho
gellaho
Huzzah
hot beige jakesy
Sure did
Children Love The Jetski Kid
Ah, the spectre of a naked woman compels Frank to murder Joe at last.
FancyShark
Holy hell. Ghost Burglar has an Uzi/AK-47! (edited)
John, Grand Master of the Arena
The artist perfectly captured what a dweeb Frank is with his collared shirt/sweater combo.
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Also, it looks like Joe's hand gets Ethan'd. Really looking forward to that.
Charles Fitzgerald, Moon Ball
Joe Hardy Ethan Winters
Hand trauma (edited)
gellaho
A little under an hour before the spoooooky reading of The Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #80: Dead of Night. Here's a fratricidal preview
FancyShark
If Joe starts talking about the Deep State, I'm sitting this one out
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Calling it now. That's the end of a chapter and the next sentence is “Frank ducked.”
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
someone please ping me so I don't miss this one
FancyShark
Should be starting soon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Ty
gellaho
Two minutes
To start, here's the first time I've encountered backstory
FancyShark
Couldn't spend another ten seconds on another name for their spy network?
gellaho
They're frenemies with this mysterious spy
FancyShark
Was Ring of Evil the previous book?
gellaho
I've missed quite a bit it seems
gellaho
This is quite the escalation
FancyShark
Holy shit, that's SPECTRE-level
gellaho
Reminder: 7 Books ago they were solving a counterfeit rap CD ring
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Ah, the halcyon days of the '90s. When terrorists just terrorized people, and had no political agenda.
FancyShark
We've clearly taken a step backward
gellaho
#79 was about prop planes
so I have no idea where this is from
FancyShark
🤷♂️
Maybe we're seeing how Joe interprets the world
gellaho
Maybe
FancyShark
There's no way Joe is upset over a woman dying
gellaho
If I understand the blond v blonde thing correctly, this means the Hardys are going to be with two men
FancyShark
That tracks
GDCommando!
The story in the exposition sounds way more interesting than the actual plot of the book.
gellaho
Joe Hardy is just a hate-filled prick
FancyShark
"I hope you get diabetes!"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I want to go back to Joe "helping the prosecution with all his might." He's not a lawyer or a cop. He can testify, but this implies he's going to lie.
gellaho
This Vanessa is so dead
FancyShark
Womp womp
Vanessa and Joe's first date is going to be him describing Iola's charred corpse in detail
GDCommando!
And knowing Joe, he'll be caught in an explosion at least once during the date. Hopefully that's enough red flags for Vanessa.
gellaho
These people either named their boat after their daughter or vice versa
FancyShark
"I named my daughter after the only thing important to me"
gellaho
That was fast
gellaho
be sure to mention the boat first though
FancyShark
hahaha
JFC
GDCommando!
Get in the fridge, Vanessa.
FancyShark
Vanessa Bender was absolutely the girl that turned down Frank Dixon in school
gellaho
"I'LL KILL YOU TO PREVENT YOU FROM DYING" - Frank
gellaho
*one of his many ghost writers
GDCommando!
Vanessa, your purpose in life was to motivate a shitty teenage boy to interfere with a police investigation.
FancyShark
"No offense, Joe, but have you considered never loving? Because your affection is clearly a curse"
gellaho
I doubt that
FancyShark
Joe knows an open challenge when he sees one
GDCommando!
We're grading 'stupid' on a pretty steep curve here.
gellaho
You know the fire marshal for the harbor patrol? I didn't even know that was a thing
Greg
That is 3 dead girlfriends mentioned so far. Gina, dead by assassin. Iowa, killed by terrorist bomb, and Vanessa, burned to a crisp in white hot flames
Vanessa is totally alive and scamming right?
The girl not the boat
John, Grand Master of the Arena
In a normal universe Joe would be considered prime suspect in the Bayport High Serial Killer investigation.
gellaho
"Listen, kid, boats explode all the time. There's nothing to see here"
FancyShark
"Yes my name is Fischer and yes I work at the harbor"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
"I'm not good at my job and this whiskey won't drink itself."
gellaho
boats are made out of gasoline and coal, you know
Greg
Fischer Boatman
GDCommando!
It was probably one of those newfangled boats with a computer on it.
gellaho
You know what I love to do when I'm sick? Travel.
FancyShark
"I have Don't-be-near-my-horrible-sons-itis"
gellaho
Joe's entered his emo phase
GDCommando!
"I've got some sort of virus. I haven't been feeling well since I ate that bat."
FancyShark
Yes, everyone that gets upset on a pier is suicidal
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Oh god, ratings are down and her virus is the third Hardy brother.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
even if he shot himself the bullet would bounce off his titanium fucking skull
Greg
Also I've been in constant danger every second of my life with no consequences and had no reason to think running into fire would harm me
gellaho
100% mother Hardy hates her mother in law
FancyShark
Wait, does Joe hate women because they aren't bomb-proof?
gellaho
Sick people don't tidy up and decorate
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
she has "your aunt is a bitch" disease
gellaho
Spoooooooky
FancyShark
"Check the stove, Joe. I hope you like rabbit."
John, Grand Master of the Arena
You must be loving this book @gellaho. It's the fuck with Joe special edition.
FancyShark
This does feel special. And the last Photon book was the fuck with Bhodi edition
gellaho
Joe threatens to punch a lady ghost in the face
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Joe, you could kick the ground and miss, don't act like you wouldn't immediately eat shit and have frank bail you out
GDCommando!
Joe Hardy is getting Scrooged.
gellaho
Dork
FancyShark
"Now if Morgan Freeman said there would be more deaths, I'd like the sound of it"
gellaho
The. Boat. Exploded.
John, Grand Master of the Arena
"Thank God I took that aquatic arson class at the community college. I'm fully qualified to investigate this."
FancyShark
The Hardys have been in so many explosions they don't even register them anymore
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it'd take a tungsten bomb or possibly a gender reveal party to truly kill them
gellaho
DOOOOOOORK
FancyShark
Joe know a lot about going off prematurely. Heyoooo!
Also, yeah, DOOOOOORK
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"It's not like we've gotten any death threats" FRANK, DID YOU FORGET THE CALL JOE JUST HAD
gellaho
Do boats just spew gas fumes inside?
FancyShark
How big was this boat to have an engine room?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
It was the biggest boat in the bay is all we know.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I've known plenty of people that have owned house boats, it wouldn't surprise me
GDCommando!
I think we just have to accept that in the Hardy universe, things just explode a lot more.
gellaho
No joke, I've seen "milk and cookies" more times in this book than in an encyclopedia about Santa
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
if it were anyone other than joe that would be adorable
GDCommando!
Also, milk and cookies? How old are you?
FancyShark
"What's the matter, Joe? Would you prefer a juice box and some SpongeBob fruit snacks?"
gellaho
Oh, do you think?
FancyShark
What kind of baby gets nauseous from seeing a human being explode?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Joe: what is...trauma? is it a food? is that why I feel sick?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
"Joe mom's not sick. She just hates grandma. Now clean your girlfriend out of your scalp and let's go."
gellaho
Hardy's are somehow being gassed in their own home
gellaho
Their mom disappeared, suspicious
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
depending on what they're huffing, they could already be dead and not know it
but who am I kidding
FancyShark
Mom "forgot" to tell them she's having the house fumigated
gellaho
Som'thin' bad hap'nin'
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the house will explode and frank will sail on the unbreakable body of joe as the ride the blast wave
gellaho
Gotta question the first apostrophe in "som'thin'"
does this author pronounce the "e" in "something?"
som-eh-thing
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I would have changed the TH to an F
FancyShark
Frank takes every opportunity to do his racist minstrel act
GDCommando!
somëthing
gellaho
Girlfriend to the rescue
FancyShark
Apostrophe control is the first thing to go when poisoned
gellaho
You know how you refer to your girlfriend by her full Christian name?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Joe: rescued by a girl? just let me die!
gellaho
I mean, Frank might. He's a huge dork
Little did Callie know, they did
FancyShark
"We did. It's Father's milk."
gellaho
Callie knows Frank is too much of a robot to comfort his brother
John, Grand Master of the Arena
So did they just hallucinate their mother?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
yeah where the fuck did she go?
gellaho
they seem unconcerned
they were gassed, so I guess they can have a pass
J/k poison candles
gellaho
I have so many questions
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
THAT'S
NOT HOW THAT WORKS
WHAT
FancyShark
Yankee Candle: the gritty reboot
gellaho
there are old detective stories with poisoned candles?
I believe they've been gassed enough to know how to deal with it by now
I'm surprised they aren't immune
FancyShark
Their livers are shriveled and dry
Like knots of driftwood
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the amount of candles that would be required for them to get gassed like that would be like
they'd need to have the whole house lit by candlelight
GDCommando!
"haha, old detective stories," said the legacy character.
gellaho
Mom's at the store to get treats for the children. There's no way she's sick
FancyShark
Mom's gonna Typhoid Mary the whole block
gellaho
That's grim
FancyShark
"You burned to death? Show me your face!"
gellaho
The books are acknowledging Joe's invulnerability. I don't care for that
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
funny, I was expecting them to become self-aware in the VR one
gellaho
Excuse me.
gellaho
Fuckin what
FancyShark
WHAT
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
WHAT
gellaho
How did Simon Hawke get in here?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
WAIT
I CALLED THIS WITH BAD RAP
WHAT THE FUCK
FancyShark
Oh shit, Ferroday. They're in your head
gellaho
@Thick Bringing it Hard Javo You read these Hardy Boys books, did you know about the evil clones?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I have to admit, I was not expecting to be right about AI cyborg hardy boys
Thick Bringing it Hard Javo
I did not
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
of all things
FancyShark
No one should expect that!
gellaho
It's very weird
gellaho
@hot beige jakesy Simon Hawke got mixed up with the Hardy Boys somehow
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
all this to fuck with a couple of teenage detectives? aren't hit squads cheaper?
FancyShark
Hit squads require insurance
gellaho
Maine is where you build your secret evil base
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
why is it always Lazarus
pick another resurrection myth
FancyShark
Phoenix sounds too metal
gellaho
Callie looking for sweet death
gellaho
look, thinking is hard
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Even better, don't give the front for your illegal operation a coded name.
gellaho
they called the secret spy network "Network"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so what's the over/under on the plane exploding?
gellaho
like how Simon Hawke named his secret organization "The Organization"
FancyShark
I give it 50/50 odds it doesn't leave the ground
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I want a burning crash landing, Dixon, you coward(s)
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Wait, he had trouble getting a rental car from an airport?
FancyShark
If Callie's the only one onboard or the one flying, it might happen
gellaho
OK, I guess not
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I know you have to pad your wordcount sweatshop writer, but that's not where you do it.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"Hardy boys want a rental car? Fuck that! You'll get it blown up or shot!"
FancyShark
Has Callie appeared in any of the other books?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
probably
gellaho
I always enjoy seeing the end of the chapters
gellaho
John, Grand Master of the Arena
She's mentioned in all of them, but this is the first one we've read where she actually showed up.
gellaho
She was feature heavily in the karate book
But Frank has had the same girlfriend in all the books I've read
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh yeah!
FancyShark
Oh shit, they're in RE2
gellaho
But the earliest I've read is 45
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
hey you know that karate dojo explosion was based on a real life thing right?
gellaho
AKA Karate Arcade
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
like of all things an exploding dojo is the closest the hardys have gotten to reality
FancyShark
I need to read all your comments on that one
gellaho
Murder time
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
holy shit it really is Mr. X
gellaho
Part of it involves lurking in underground tunnels. That one was a partial dud
nevertheless, it is archived http://www.gellaho.com/books/67-45-in-self-defense
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I will say that at least this book has had shit going on
FancyShark
Right on. I still enjoyed everybody's comments on the rap one
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
even if they've made no headway on the actual mystery
Bad Rap was like, a no-budget episode where they had to re-use the same 4 sets
gellaho
it's mostly them just dying
FancyShark
Works for me!
FancyShark
The ninja scene did a lot of the lifting
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
conspicuous lack of ninjas in the karate book
such a disappointment
gellaho
This girl is annoying too
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Mr. X left to go torment a Redfield
gellaho
The white rapper's room number was 420 in Bad Rap. It was so wonderfully stupid
John, Grand Master of the Arena
So he totally kicked their asses, but left anyway?
FancyShark
Hahaha, I forgot that part
John, Grand Master of the Arena
And we still have no idea if that was a joke.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
STILL NO IDEA
FancyShark
Yeah, you knock down Mr. X, you either leave or he does
gellaho
Oh, no. Frank left
gellaho
Are we left with Joe?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
where the fuck is Allagash?
gellaho
Maine, I guess
FancyShark
Five hundred miles from...wait, where the hell are we?
gellaho
they're somewhere near New York
GDCommando!
Somewhere near water, anyway.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait, 2 hours?
bullshit
it's a fucking cessna right?
top speed is barely over 120
it's like 4 hours at minimum
FancyShark
Crashing gets them there faster
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
and that's if you're hauling ass the whole way
gellaho
Joe's friend can do the CSI on this one
FancyShark
"I was planning a movie marathon, but that stupid bomb put a kibosh on that"
gellaho
Joe, explain what happened when you lit the candles
gellaho
Don't just shove them at the cop and say "get to it"
FancyShark
"I pay your salary"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"some time between 'never' and 'fuck you' kid"
this is the 90's, chemical analyses like this would take weeks easy
gellaho
G-g-ghost
FancyShark
Zoinks!
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
cue creepy theremin
gellaho
Just a bit?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
please tell me they were using the stereotypical ghost voice
FancyShark
Never scream "You know how I felt about you!" into an alley. Trust me, it doesn't end well
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the one where it sounds like they're doing musical scales while talking
gellaho
This is an elaborate plan
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
y'know, children's book bad guys, a nagant is probably cheaper and more effcient than this scooby doo bullshit
FancyShark
It also played "Liquid Swords", but Mom didn't like that as much
gellaho
RIP
FancyShark
"Norman? NORMAN!"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wow they fridged the hardy's mom?
gellaho
Joe Hardy curses himself for feeling things about his dead mom
GDCommando!
I assume this will all have been a dream, or something.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
prank maybe?
FancyShark
Or the mom's clone
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
that's probably it
this is way too dark for a hardy boys book
FancyShark
I can't believe that clones are even on the table though
gellaho
Spoooooooky
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
what if the villains are evil hardy boy clones that want to break them and take over their lives?
GDCommando!
Dixon's trying a new thing where instead of removing the stakes immediately, he's saving it all for the end.
FancyShark
"One, two, Freddy's coming for you"
FancyShark
That sounds almost too good for a Hardy Boys book
gellaho
Meanwhile, Frank arrived and eats a sandwich
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"Mom's dead. Dinner time!"
FancyShark
This guy and his fucking milk drinks
gellaho
Spoooooooky Lazarus Clinic
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh shit! animorphs!
gellaho
The Lazarus Clinic by the way was
1) A mansion built by a "nutty" millionaire 90 years ago
2) Then an asylum
3) The Lazarus Clinic
4) Exploded
A lot of activity in 90 years
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait, if it exploded then how are there remains to be explored?
FancyShark
It was more "scatter things around" explode than "murder random woman" explode
gellaho
Good job moron
gellaho
Less "totally exploded" than "burnt out exploded"
FancyShark
With Callie missing, Frank's got an extra sandwich!
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
they're taking the death of their mother remarkably well for teenagers
gellaho
To be fair to Frank, he doesn't know yet. But he is a robot, so he probably won't
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait what? I thought frank was the one trying to be rational about it?
oh wow no it was joe
wait, joe, you dick, why didn't you tell frank?!
gellaho
Frank's been flying, and then in a spoopy house
FancyShark
Joe only bothers Frank for important deaths, like those of men
gellaho
It's not that Frank doesn't have enough time, he just hates wasting his time
FancyShark
Frank is unaware his shoes have been scuffing up the floor
gellaho
Really? Pit & the Pendulum?
gellaho
Get Edgar Allen Poe's lawyers on the phone
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
that was awfully fast
FancyShark
Frank discovers a fetish
gellaho
Sure, why not
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
like that was maybe 5 minutes and the culprit had enough time to kidnap callie, strap her to a table, and set up a Poe novel
FancyShark
"Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
gellaho
I gotta question the physics of this
gellaho
if you have a blade slowly swinging and it then drops, might it also miss?
FancyShark
Aaaand Frank discovers another fetish
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait so callie's dead?
gellaho
and I feel like it wouldn't have very far to drop
so there wouldn't be much force behind it
FancyShark
Yeah, looks like she's dead
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
god the fact that clones are on the table makes this elaborate bullshit feel like it has zero stakes
gellaho
because if the blade is swinging 25 feet above her, I think Frank could have been more careful
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
because we know that the obvious twist is coming
oops! all clones!
FancyShark
Also, this being a Halloween book means either this could be a nightmare or a What If?
gellaho
I don't think you can turn the pendulum blade into a guillotine is what I'm saying
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it'd have to be a really big, really goddamn heavy pendulum
GDCommando!
You'd have to have very precise timing
gellaho
Reminder, 7 books ago was the white rapper case
gellaho
8 books ago was the exploding computer bananza
FancyShark
Ah, Bayport. Thank you, Dixon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this is either clones, or hallucinations due to the candles
because none of this shit started until after they lit the candles
even Iola's phone call
gellaho
What a coward
FancyShark
That cold voice will later tell him pain is a myth and all people are meat
gellaho
Frank just fucking leaves
FancyShark
Time for a sandwich
gellaho
He's learned nothing
That whole flight just got his girlfriend "murdered"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so his gf dies and he just fucking bails?
sorry, """""""dies"""""""
Greg
I love that this is definitely all a Brockway's Drug Fueled Adventure
FancyShark
You weren't kidding, gellaho. Frank's a damn robot
GDCommando!
How did he get out of the net?
gellaho
Meanwhile, Joe encounters surreal pranks
FancyShark
Yes, those boys are "pranking" each other
gellaho
Joe decided to get the cops. Interesting street name
gellaho
The cop is surprised that the house is locked
FancyShark
"Three, four, he's at your door"
Also, Horvath is a perfect barbarian name
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Horvath say Joe little bitch, by Krom
GDCommando!
I had a gym teacher name Horvath.
gellaho
Lol, Joe
GDCommando!
And my member of parliament is a Horwath.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
yep there it is
all a hallucination
FancyShark
I assume they'll now taze him for wasting their time
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
only because he's white
gellaho
Buh-wah
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
only literal children would be dazzled by this twist
gellaho
So, the only people who would be fooled by this plot are children
Yet, I don't know that children would appreciate the girl getting cut in twain
FancyShark
"So that lady has a cut? Why did he leave?"
gellaho
That ain't new, Joe
GDCommando!
Wait, he thinks Frank is the wacko one?
FancyShark
"Kid imagined his mother was murdered. Yeah, the lady no one sees. No, I don't think there's anything to that"
gellaho
Phil Cohen, child chemist
gellaho
To be fair, they both are
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"yeah the candles are laced with LSD, we've been having a grand ol' time with them down here! I smell colors!"
gellaho
"Far out, brah"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I'd celebrate calling it but like
it's like celebrating the sky being blue
GDCommando!
You didn't tell us why you wanted the candles tested, so now we're all tripping balls.
gellaho
"Happy All Saints' Day, Joe!"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so the phone call is also obviously an auditory hallucination
gellaho
Ooh, now it might be a sexy ghost story
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I know this was supposed to be about ghosts, but I didn't expect it to be this transparent
so Joe is both tripping balls and fucking stupid
FancyShark
Joe should treasure this. No living woman would say she wants him
gellaho
Joe, you suck so much
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
JOE
PUT 2 AND 2 TOGETHER AND MAKE 4
YOU FUCKING DIMWIT
FancyShark
"Wait, is this Frank?"
gellaho
So, this happened in the first book of Casefiles (tm) I think. I need to read that
gellaho
because it sounds like Joe was a real piece of shit there
FancyShark
Wow
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
well as we've seen, it's kind of his trademark
gellaho
This ghost's motivations are confusing
GDCommando!
I never doubted for a second that whoever is fucking with Joe Hardy has a legitimate grievance.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
sadly this time the one fucking with Joe Hardy is Joe Hardy, technically
gellaho
Buh-wah, part 2
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
at least frank has the excuse of not knowing he's high
gellaho
How dare this author throw shade at Edgar Allen Poe
FancyShark
"Son, we're gonna start tazin' now. Standard procedure"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh my god the writer is waiting to have frank and joe meet back up to piece together the fact that they're both tripping
neither of them can individually come to that conclusion
gellaho
The absolute gall
FancyShark
hahaha, you're right
gellaho
You can't rip off a thing, and then call the thing silly
I absolutely hate it
FancyShark
"Poe is such a hack. By the way, I wrote a book where computers explode because of a virus"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I can't believe this fucking hack used CLONES as a bullshit plot device and that's a red herring for the other bullshit plot device of IT WAS A HALLUCINATION
FancyShark
At least we're firmly back in the familiar territory of hating Frank Dixon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this would be less stupid if it were actual scooby-doo shit
gellaho
"That book was about the Spanish Inquisition, who even remembers that? I'm writing the 80th book in a Hardy Boys' sequel series. A Halloween book for children! That's what's important!"
FancyShark
"Fuck you, Poe! You've been Dixxed!"
gellaho
"And you flew here? By yourself? You expecting me to believe that?"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
aaand perpetuating the harmful "wait to file a missing person's report" myth. fuck this book
FancyShark
"Children don't go missing on Halloween. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Lean Cuisine thawing in my kitchen sink"
gellaho
Guess I really needed to read the specific books this one needed me to read
FancyShark
To be fair, none of the other books hinted at continuity
gellaho
"Good luck finding the books with the over-arching plot, kids! There are only 79 to buy! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
eh, these were probably sold via subscription like the babysitter's club books
This book is almost teaching children to avoid cliches
FancyShark
If they haven't caught on by book 80, they never will
gellaho
Fuck, yes
gellaho
That's what I'm looking for
FancyShark
Ahh, welcome back, no-stakes
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh so now they're gonna be coy on whether or not this is real
gellaho
Begun, the clone wars have
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
...or maybe not
FancyShark
If this turns out to just be a story Frank is writing to entertain Joe, I am going to be so pissed
gellaho
If this was turned into a clinic, why are there still pews?
gellaho
Actually, the history never said this was a church either
wtf
FancyShark
Larger hospitals sometimes have a small chapel
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
he threw a pew at a hallucination
holy shit
like, I'm sure he looks like a fuckin lunatic on the outside but still
FancyShark
An entire pew? Frank's hulking
John, Grand Master of the Arena
The pew is a hallucination too. He actually threw an old stool
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
that's a kid that eats his fucking Wheaties
gellaho
he's also wearing a pink collared shirt under a sweater according to the cover
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh so he just looks like a coked out yuppie right now
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Poor Callie. You know Frank tells everyone about his promise ring.
gellaho
Who are you, Frank?
FancyShark
Oh hell. Frank's back in 'Nam
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"the usual hunting formation"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Frank watched First Blood one too many times and thought it was a true story.
FancyShark
"Hey, I could do that"
gellaho
Josip is a real name, sure
gellaho
FancyShark
Frank has now murdered a janitor
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
jesus christ that was fast
gellaho
I make secret Apes, just in case. I revealed that one earlier in hot-dog-talk today
Frank, still not getting it
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I have to wonder if Callie ever got on the plane with him or if he just left her stranded in Maine
FancyShark
And yet somehow we still have to get to a point where Frank knows what's going on while Joe doesn't even though Joe was the one TOLD HE'D HALLUCINATE
gellaho
Joe, still not getting it
gellaho
Joe's gone back to the marina
Somebody's afraid of getting sued
gellaho
I'll assume
FancyShark
Clearly, Dixon doesn't read Heathcliff
If he did, he'd know copyright laws mean nothing to cartoon cats
gellaho
What
FancyShark
How powerful do the drugs have to be to make them trip this hard for so many hours?
gellaho
All this tells me is that Joe is a real narcissist
gellaho
Candles are the deadliest of drugs
FancyShark
Joe's fears are trying to retcon the first part of the book
gellaho
I love that the first word's Vanessa has gotten are as a ghost
Well, 100 pages in and I ain't got none of this shit
gellaho
come on
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
there was mention of Vanessa's mother having an animation company, I thought the ghosts were going to be an elaborate special effect
FancyShark
Good catch
gellaho
Joe's friend Chet has come over, and Joe decided to be a real dick about it
FancyShark
"I said girlfriend already!"
gellaho
Oh, wait. Chet is also an asshole
FancyShark
"Turns out I'm glad my sister's dead"
gellaho
Are you ready for ghost poetry?
gellaho
Oh, I wanted more
FancyShark
Sounds like the writer's warning against necrophilia
gellaho
that poem sucks
I think it stopped being a poem after the first couplet
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
was Chet with him for the kid encounter?
gellaho
the fuck is that
FancyShark
Yeah. The rhyme scheme is A-A-Joe-Threat
gellaho
He happened to leave before then
Hardy Boys is only narrative conveniences
Fuck you, ghosts!
GDCommando!
I gotta say, following some dumb, stoned teenager around isn't making for a great story
FancyShark
This could still be Ferroday's hunch about elaborate effects. With hallucinogens to make them more vivid
GDCommando!
The Hardys are precisely stupid enough to get Mysterio'd.
gellaho
Joe's gonna dig himself up a body
FancyShark
"I'm going to the only cemetery in existance!"
Morton's Mausoleums: Yes, We Have Salt
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so does this end with the Hardy boys getting arrested for drug-fueled vandalism?
gellaho
This sentence starts, "The bats around him"
FancyShark
If this is a Brockway CYOA, it will all be worth it
gellaho
Joe's tripping balls
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
just dropping all pretense now
FancyShark
C'mon. Break into "Thriller"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
for the truly stupid children
gellaho
"This is my summary of the Nightmare on Elm Street series"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so when do we find out this was a plot by the person that blew up the boat to send the Hardys on a drug-fueld wild goose chase to prevent them from solving the actual mystery?
FancyShark
Probably right before the end
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
as is tradition
FancyShark
Dixon seems to be enjoying writing something that's not Frank explaining things to Joe
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's not a bad plan, my only issue is where we've been faffing about for half a dozen chapters
gellaho
OK, now I know Simon Hawke was involved in this
FancyShark
Yes. THIS is how you intimidate a witness
gellaho
Psi-war? Bio-war? Coincidence?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's mostly just stu-pid
FancyShark
"No! S-shut up! I'm Frank Dixon! I have original ideas!"
gellaho
Lol
FancyShark
No notes
GDCommando!
If Simon Hawke ghost-wrote for Frank Dixon, does that make Simon or Frank look sadder?
gellaho
FancyShark
Ew
gellaho
THERE WASN'T ANY CANDY IN SIGHT YOU GUYS
OK, Frank isn't high. He's drunk
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so the note is likely real
FancyShark
Which means it's Chet
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
unless they're sharing a fucking hallucination
which would be incredibly stupid
OR the writer was on a roll and just forgot he was using that as a plot device here
gellaho
It's time!
gellaho
Ooh, what horseshit will we see
FancyShark
I hope Ricky shows up, just to smash headstones
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"killing blow" so they're just straight up telling lies in the prose now
FancyShark
Eventually we'll get whole chapters describing their corpses before being told "never mind!"
gellaho
Chapter 13, chilling
FancyShark
Let the record show that @John, Grand Master of the Arena banked on "ducked"
gellaho
AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAA
FancyShark
I'd say flinging backward still counts
FUCKING WHAT
gellaho
Frank's robot brain does not compute
GDCommando!
Wait so has Joe been running around with a dart in his neck this whole time?
FancyShark
I hope it's the size of a lawn dart
gellaho
I'm guessing this is the gunman on the front cover
gellaho
which is fucking weak
GDCommando!
He's just pincushioned with darts and no one has pointed it out.
FancyShark
"Beloved Mother" scatters everywhere
gellaho
Much more rational, Frank
gellaho
They only killed clones! Those aren't real people
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the epitaph reads "TOLD 'EM I WAS SICK"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I can't believe I wasn't here for my moment of triumph.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait wait wait
so it's not hallucinations OR clones, but hallucinations AND clones?!
I
just
...fuck off dixon
gellaho
Frank hits himself in the head while in a fight with his hallucinating brother
John, Grand Master of the Arena
So they made a Callie clone just to immediately kill her?
FancyShark
I'm still betting on hallucinations and prompting from Chet
gellaho
Fuck clones, I guess
GDCommando!
They're really banking on the audience not batting an eye at the whole clone thing.
gellaho
You know, we've gave Simon Hawke a lot of shit for overly pontificating about humanity and human intelligence, but at least he gave a shit
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so we're confirming that Frank left Callie stranded in Maine
FancyShark
Or he left her at the Bayport airport
And she never went to Maine
gellaho
Yeah, Joe's the weird one
gellaho
Joe is a psychopath and Frank is a sociapath
John, Grand Master of the Arena
All of Joe's girlfriends explode, Frank fled the state after his girlfriend died. It's like they go out of their way to look guilty of something.
GDCommando!
Has frank addressed the whole dart situation?
gellaho
no!
GDCommando!
Just leaving his brother tagged like a rhinocerous
FancyShark
Let's not forget, this is potentially all an attempt to prevent them from delivering testimony
gellaho
Frank has mostly been talking to himself
FancyShark
These assholes deserve each other
GDCommando!
I'm sure whatever testimony they deliver now is going to be super compelling.
FancyShark
"Clones! Ghosts! No candy!"
gellaho
This implies that Joe has been destroying gravestones with a shovel while Frank talks to himself
gellaho
For a while
GDCommando!
"Your honor, I've been tripping on rhino tranquilizers for the past 3 days."
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
...gravestones are granite, Joe is sixteen
he should have tuckered out after at most gravestone 2
gellaho
Wait. The girl he was hitting on when his girlfriend died is involved?
gellaho
I'm reading this right, correct?
FancyShark
So this was a lecture on fidelity the whole time
gellaho
how many teens are involved in this international terrorism scheme?
Is this the clone?
FancyShark
Or Iola orchestrated this whole thing because Joe is terrible
gellaho
What in the actual fuck
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I'll have to find out after my internet un-fucks itself
gellaho
Here's the thing: if I actually read the books involving the clones and shit, this would be so obvious
and boring
FancyShark
So they're not even clones. They're just people trained and modeled to look like other people.
gellaho
I like this Iola clone
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's Dollhouse but stupider and somehow more sexist
gellaho
I guess?
This is really messy
FancyShark
Yeah. She gets it
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
hey when you're right you're right
GDCommando!
Do these books contain like, footnotes? This seems like there's a lot of required reading.
gellaho
Are these Romulans? Why do they talk like aliens
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait so it was all doubles?!
FUCK OFF
GDCommando!
Somehow the twist was even dumber than we all expected.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I hate this
each twist gets stupider than the last
gellaho
Actress? Actress
FancyShark
So this all really was to stop testimony
gellaho
Actress?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
They're not clones, but super-well-trained spies who they're willing to dispose of to face with the two stupidest teenagers alive.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh my god fuck off dixon
this is just stunningly bad
gellaho
This is so lazy
FancyShark
Too bad they couldn't just use an ASSASSIN to get rid of these two
gellaho
Disassembled? Are they robots or clones?
FancyShark
JUST. SHOOT. THEM.
gellaho
Reverse vacuum cleaner is close!?
John, Grand Master of the Arena
What the fuck is a reverse vacuum cleaner?
GDCommando!
She's gone from suck to blow!
FancyShark
You mean...a leaf blower?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this is making Kingdom Hearts look simple and straightforward
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Or just turning the trash can upside down.
gellaho
These people are aliens
gellaho
This is how Star Trek aliens talk
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"Yes, we learned much about this....Hall of Weens"
FancyShark
I'm pretty sure he'd be too busy being TRIED FOR MURDER to testify
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this would be so much simpler if it was just hallucinations from bum candles their mom bought
like, on accident
FancyShark
That'd even be fun!
gellaho
Fuck you
gellaho
fuck you
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
gellaho
Micro transmitters!
For how goddamned long?
FancyShark
HEATH LEDGER'S JOKER HAD SIMPLER PLANS THAN THIS
gellaho
Did you have to listen to Randy Rand and his problems?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait but then why send a goon to stop Frank from getting on the plane?
FancyShark
I guess to skip the pre-flight check
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
if you WANTED HIM TO GO TO MAINE ANYWAY
gellaho
Joe Hardy's mysoginy saves the day
FancyShark
Why the hell does it matter if the police don't trust their testimony? COPS AREN'T THE PROSECUTION
Jesus, Joe, it's always been leading to this, hasn't it?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it would have been better had they NOT DONE THIS ON HALLOWEEN
gellaho
What
gellaho
What
What
What
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
NO
NO
YOU DON'T GET TO PULL SCOOBY DOO SHIT AFTER ALL THAT
NO
FancyShark
Fuck you Dixon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
ELDERLY
MIDGET
gellaho
I can't
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Joe, who has spent the last 20 minutes busting gravestones, is fresh enough to throw a body at someone
Joe Hardy
gellaho
I want-no need-you to understand that I didn't skip anything
FancyShark
Hey Dixon
gellaho
They introduced a midget in a costume then immediately killed him
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
did Joe kill a midget by throwing a woman on him?
gellaho
I guess?
FancyShark
He said he thought it was a kid
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the woman was light enough for an almost certainly gassed teenager to lift and throw, but still heavy enough to kill on impact
FancyShark
That means he intended to kill a child by throwing a woman at them
gellaho
Buh
gellaho
There's just so much there
this is two pages
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
every time I thought the author had hit rock bottom, you turn the page and find out he's discovered off-shore drilling
FancyShark
This is the Dixon singularity, right?
gellaho
1) Introduction of midget in costume
2) gun
3) clone murder
4) bugs
5) poison capsule
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
don't forget drugs and evil international spy syndicates
gellaho
Btw
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's like cliche bingo
gellaho
Just sitting in a sarcophagus
FancyShark
All to prevent witness testimony. I can't say this enough
gellaho
You know, a sarcophagus. A word we use in America for a coffin
WTF
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so it's just some poor random lady?
FancyShark
Who's been there how long?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
at least a day
gellaho
It's an actress who was told this was for a Halloween prank
FancyShark
How did these idiots ever get a hold of a hydrogen bomb?
gellaho
I still don't understand if these are clones, or people given plastic surgery to look like other people
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
THE BATS WERE REAL?!
FancyShark
They gathered a swarm of bats!
gellaho
The ol' mill!
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
WHY
WOULD THE LITTLE MAN SPILL ANYTHING
THESE ARE THE WORST ASSASSINS EVER
gellaho
Hannah Barbara demands royalties
FancyShark
THEY ONCE TRIED TO BLOW UP A VOLCANO WITH A HYDROGEN BOMB
gellaho
You know what Joe? For once, I agree with you
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this is an international syndicate of professional assassins
who just love to fucking talk
and overcomplicate everything
no fucking wonder they got caught
GDCommando!
The problem is that the introduce the concept of hallucinogens, but then all the weird shit actually happened.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I can't wait for the next page to somehow get even dumber
gellaho
You know, Joe, I'd love to know that too
gellaho
I seriously don't know if this is some woman made to look like his dead girlfriend or a clone
FancyShark
"YET feeling guilty"
gellaho
"Clone" means something very specific
FancyShark
Dixon must've not wanted to write 'duplicate' so much
GDCommando!
I assure you Joe we find this far weirder than you appear to.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this shit needs to go to book jail solitary confinement when we're done
gellaho
Joe would say that about any woman though
FancyShark
Put it in a cell with the last Photon book
gellaho
and then yawn
It'll go in the Book Cage, don't worry
Henry
btw @Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone while you're here i started discworld and it's very good
gellaho
Mysterious bulb of unknown origin or purpose
FancyShark
Margit and the Midget
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's like the author misspelled Margaret but decided to double down
gellaho
Joe with the industrialization burns
gellaho
because that's what we need at the end of this book
FancyShark
Dixon probably stayed up late thinking of that one
GDCommando!
Joe, having recently, plausibly murdered a woman, and then a midget using that woman, cracks wise about architecture.
gellaho
You know what, I'm going to present this without context
FancyShark
lol
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait, so everyone that they "cloned" is at the mill?
including the fucking not-nick-fury guy?
GDCommando!
Joe Hardy is absolutely the last person that should be trusted with a knife at this point.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
you think Gray Man's still got a job after this?
FancyShark
Those first two sentences are terrifying on their own
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I mean it's an assassin group that got taken down TWICE by a couple of teenagers
gellaho
I'll be honest, I'm not sure what's going on
gellaho
I don't know what the construction of "old mills" are
but it seems like they shouldn't be this elaborate
GDCommando!
gun toter? that's an odd phrase.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's a mill for Hardy Boys sets
gellaho
Joe's got the blood lust
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so they have a hostage and immediately lower the stakes when joe threatens arson
FancyShark
Nice to know this international terrorist organization had a contingency plan if something went wrong
gellaho
DOOOO IIIITTT
FancyShark
DO IT
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
DO IT
GDCommando!
No one would blame you.
FancyShark
If both don't shoot him, it'll be the least plausible thing in this book
gellaho
Clone failed the most obvious ploy in history
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
WHAT DID THEY TAKE FROM YOU JOE
IT WAS ALL FAKE
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I think he meant a man's slightly-accented voice, not slightly accented man's voice.
What he wrote sounds like he's wearing some nice jewelry, but nothing too gaudy.
GDCommando!
How many times has someone failed to shoot a Hardy Boy in this book? 5, now?
gellaho
This seems like the setup for a terrible orgy
GDCommando!
Later, Mrs. Hardy gets stuck in the washing machine.
FancyShark
"Hi Mom. We killed a dwarf."
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"Wanna see me chuck the Vanessa clone?"
gellaho
6 actually
John, Grand Master of the Arena
"The house, with you in it, filled with poison gas, and we forgot about you."
So, the Mr. X who attacked them at the airport. Did he just disappear?
gellaho
"And I found it very easy to leave your corpse there"
gellaho
Apparently
FancyShark
No, they don't find it easy! Look at what they went through to kill two idiot children!
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I feel like this happens at least once a book, where there's an action setpiece that doesn't jive with the rest of the overall plot
gellaho
Maybe hire some lawyers, international terrorists
FancyShark
Wait, everybody? THEN FAKE THEIR TESTIMONY
John, Grand Master of the Arena
He's actually with The Network's ancient enemy, The Arpanet.
gellaho
Only the mysterious Gray Man
gellaho
who I imagine doesn't exist, officially
so that doesn't make any sense
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait, so why not just kidnap the hardys and clone them?
gellaho
But, nevermind that! Pancakes!
gellaho
The End
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
THAT'S IT?!
John, Grand Master of the Arena
And one last time: Fuck you, Joe.
gellaho
Don't worry about it
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
they just fucking laugh off one of the most harrowing nights of their lives and iris out?
FancyShark
There's no way this organization got a hydrogen bomb. It had to have been, like, a beach ball with the word 'BOMB' on it
FancyShark
Our house that's flooded with gas?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait
they already kidnapped friends and family of the hardys
why not just force them to lie on the stand?
FancyShark
Nope. Dwarf in a cemetery
And goofy gas
gellaho
Hardy Boys Casefiles (tm) #80: Dead of Night has been defeated!
gellaho
Don't let anyone tell you different!
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
LOOK OUT GELLAHO! IT'S A CLONE!
FancyShark
That one was even crazier than expected
gellaho
I just want to point out, the Space Academy adventure takes place after this
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
they laugh off kidnapping and confrontation with trained killers then go to space camp
FancyShark
The Space Academy plot seems straightforward and logical after this
John, Grand Master of the Arena
ahem..Academy
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's no more an academy than disneyworld is a planet
John, Grand Master of the Arena
This was a weird one. It had a lot of action, but telling us upfront about the clones and hallucinogens made the whole thing feel pointless. It's like they took a time machine after hearing us complain about undercutting the tension to really show us how it's done.
FancyShark
Yeah. Chekov's clones
John, Grand Master of the Arena
But, excellent job acting as our guide @gellaho. As always.
FancyShark
Yes, thank you for another ride through Frank Dixon's broken mind
gellaho
The Book Cage will soon require another shelf
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
or whomever was writing as Frank Dixon, at least
GDCommando!
Yeah, this was awful. Thank you.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
you think the author was relieved he had to write under a pseudonym?
because honestly, this has a level of convolusion that makes me think he was proud of what he wrote
FancyShark
Yeah, this guy thought he was doing something clever
John, Grand Master of the Arena
At least I learned something tonight. If in your book you have more than 5 instances of, "the bad guy shot at the good guy, but missed," then you have written a bad book.
gellaho
Yeah, it's not ideal
I guess it's ideal for my purposes
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it was entertaining
fucking awful
gellaho
But if I had known about all the backstory, I think this might have been a lot more boring
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
but entertainingly so
gellaho
I wonder when they introduced clones. because if it was early I don't know how that would work for 100+ books
FancyShark
Book 1
gellaho
Now that I know clones are on the table, I don't know how I'm going to deal with the rest of these books
FancyShark
The Assassins first appear in Book 1
gellaho
I'll probably forget
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Don't worry, I'm sure the books will too
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I can't believe the Hardy Boys actually lowered the bar for terrible clone sagas
gellaho
I'm letting you guys know right now. Next week we are going back to the loving embrace of Simon Hawke/J.D. Masters/Nicholas Yermakov
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Can I request that you don't tell us the title/series the next book is from until just before it starts?
gellaho
I can. I don't think it's going to affect you either way but I can leave it as a tease
Greg
That was so goddamn stupid
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I'm almost impressed that the author crammed that much stupid into a children's novella
John, Grand Master of the Arena
It's so perfect that the inciting action was the bad guys unnecessarily blew up a boat with a clone on it. They could have just blown up the boat while the Hardys were on it. Or shot and killed them in their sleep.
Guys...I think they might not be good assassins.
gellaho
Fuckin clones
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
they could have put a bomb on the plane so that they could kill frank while he was in the air
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Even though the book called them clones, I'm certain they're just spies who had plastic surgery. And since Frank said they couldn't emote with their faces, they must have gotten Dr. Nick from The Simpsons to do it.
gellaho
Well, "clones "
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
there's several instances in this book where the assassins don't do the one thing they're known for that would have simplified everything
Greg
I like that they foreshadowed the clones and assassins by having a character think "I wonder if this is just clones and assassins like all those other times with the clones and the assassins"
gellaho
In terms of Hardy Boys, I'd give this third place out of what I've read. After Bad Rap and Grave Danger (Mexican machete adventure)
FancyShark
According to the wiki, books 76, 77 and 78 covered the "Assassins try to blow up the world" story
But I guess these idiots are a recurring threat
Thick Bringing it Hard Javo
I am glad to discover "evil hardy clones" existed and that I didn't know about it until now
FancyShark
They're not even clones!
Mr. J Boots
god damn it i missed the whole read
gellaho
I'm sad I'll have to read so many random Hardy Boys to find it
