Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
they're taking the death of their mother remarkably well for teenagers
20: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #80: Dead of Night Franklin W. Dixon
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On Halloween the dead walk free...and the living pay the price!
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gellaho
To be fair to Frank, he doesn't know yet. But he is a robot, so he probably won't
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait what? I thought frank was the one trying to be rational about it?
oh wow no it was joe
wait, joe, you dick, why didn't you tell frank?!
gellaho
Frank's been flying, and then in a spoopy house
FancyShark
Joe only bothers Frank for important deaths, like those of men
gellaho
It's not that Frank doesn't have enough time, he just hates wasting his time
FancyShark
Frank is unaware his shoes have been scuffing up the floor
gellaho
Really? Pit & the Pendulum?
gellaho
Get Edgar Allen Poe's lawyers on the phone
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
that was awfully fast
FancyShark
Frank discovers a fetish
gellaho
Sure, why not
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
like that was maybe 5 minutes and the culprit had enough time to kidnap callie, strap her to a table, and set up a Poe novel
FancyShark
"Surprise! Happy Birthday!"
gellaho
I gotta question the physics of this
gellaho
if you have a blade slowly swinging and it then drops, might it also miss?
FancyShark
Aaaand Frank discovers another fetish
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait so callie's dead?
gellaho
and I feel like it wouldn't have very far to drop
so there wouldn't be much force behind it
FancyShark
Yeah, looks like she's dead
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
god the fact that clones are on the table makes this elaborate bullshit feel like it has zero stakes
gellaho
because if the blade is swinging 25 feet above her, I think Frank could have been more careful
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
because we know that the obvious twist is coming
oops! all clones!
FancyShark
Also, this being a Halloween book means either this could be a nightmare or a What If?
gellaho
I don't think you can turn the pendulum blade into a guillotine is what I'm saying
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it'd have to be a really big, really goddamn heavy pendulum
GDCommando!
You'd have to have very precise timing
gellaho
Reminder, 7 books ago was the white rapper case
gellaho
8 books ago was the exploding computer bananza
FancyShark
Ah, Bayport. Thank you, Dixon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this is either clones, or hallucinations due to the candles
because none of this shit started until after they lit the candles
even Iola's phone call
gellaho
What a coward
FancyShark
That cold voice will later tell him pain is a myth and all people are meat
gellaho
Frank just fucking leaves
FancyShark
Time for a sandwich
gellaho
He's learned nothing
That whole flight just got his girlfriend "murdered"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so his gf dies and he just fucking bails?
sorry, """""""dies"""""""
Greg
I love that this is definitely all a Brockway's Drug Fueled Adventure
FancyShark
You weren't kidding, gellaho. Frank's a damn robot
GDCommando!
How did he get out of the net?
gellaho
Meanwhile, Joe encounters surreal pranks
FancyShark
Yes, those boys are "pranking" each other
gellaho
Joe decided to get the cops. Interesting street name
gellaho
The cop is surprised that the house is locked
FancyShark
"Three, four, he's at your door"
Also, Horvath is a perfect barbarian name
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
Horvath say Joe little bitch, by Krom
GDCommando!
I had a gym teacher name Horvath.
gellaho
Lol, Joe
GDCommando!
And my member of parliament is a Horwath.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
yep there it is
all a hallucination
FancyShark
I assume they'll now taze him for wasting their time
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
only because he's white
gellaho
Buh-wah
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
only literal children would be dazzled by this twist
gellaho
So, the only people who would be fooled by this plot are children
Yet, I don't know that children would appreciate the girl getting cut in twain
FancyShark
"So that lady has a cut? Why did he leave?"
gellaho
That ain't new, Joe
GDCommando!
Wait, he thinks Frank is the wacko one?
FancyShark
"Kid imagined his mother was murdered. Yeah, the lady no one sees. No, I don't think there's anything to that"
gellaho
Phil Cohen, child chemist
gellaho
To be fair, they both are
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"yeah the candles are laced with LSD, we've been having a grand ol' time with them down here! I smell colors!"
gellaho
"Far out, brah"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I'd celebrate calling it but like
it's like celebrating the sky being blue
GDCommando!
You didn't tell us why you wanted the candles tested, so now we're all tripping balls.
gellaho
"Happy All Saints' Day, Joe!"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so the phone call is also obviously an auditory hallucination
gellaho
Ooh, now it might be a sexy ghost story
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I know this was supposed to be about ghosts, but I didn't expect it to be this transparent
so Joe is both tripping balls and fucking stupid
FancyShark
Joe should treasure this. No living woman would say she wants him
gellaho
Joe, you suck so much
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
JOE
PUT 2 AND 2 TOGETHER AND MAKE 4
YOU FUCKING DIMWIT
FancyShark
"Wait, is this Frank?"
gellaho
So, this happened in the first book of Casefiles (tm) I think. I need to read that
gellaho
because it sounds like Joe was a real piece of shit there
FancyShark
Wow
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
well as we've seen, it's kind of his trademark
gellaho
This ghost's motivations are confusing
GDCommando!
I never doubted for a second that whoever is fucking with Joe Hardy has a legitimate grievance.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
sadly this time the one fucking with Joe Hardy is Joe Hardy, technically
gellaho
Buh-wah, part 2
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
at least frank has the excuse of not knowing he's high
gellaho
How dare this author throw shade at Edgar Allen Poe
FancyShark
"Son, we're gonna start tazin' now. Standard procedure"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh my god the writer is waiting to have frank and joe meet back up to piece together the fact that they're both tripping
neither of them can individually come to that conclusion
gellaho
The absolute gall
FancyShark
hahaha, you're right
gellaho
You can't rip off a thing, and then call the thing silly
I absolutely hate it
FancyShark
"Poe is such a hack. By the way, I wrote a book where computers explode because of a virus"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I can't believe this fucking hack used CLONES as a bullshit plot device and that's a red herring for the other bullshit plot device of IT WAS A HALLUCINATION
FancyShark
At least we're firmly back in the familiar territory of hating Frank Dixon
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
this would be less stupid if it were actual scooby-doo shit
gellaho
"That book was about the Spanish Inquisition, who even remembers that? I'm writing the 80th book in a Hardy Boys' sequel series. A Halloween book for children! That's what's important!"
FancyShark
"Fuck you, Poe! You've been Dixxed!"
gellaho
"And you flew here? By yourself? You expecting me to believe that?"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
aaand perpetuating the harmful "wait to file a missing person's report" myth. fuck this book
FancyShark
"Children don't go missing on Halloween. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Lean Cuisine thawing in my kitchen sink"
gellaho
Guess I really needed to read the specific books this one needed me to read
FancyShark
To be fair, none of the other books hinted at continuity
gellaho
"Good luck finding the books with the over-arching plot, kids! There are only 79 to buy! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
eh, these were probably sold via subscription like the babysitter's club books
FancyShark
The long con comes to fruition
gellaho
Psychic vampires, everywhere!
gellaho
Sure
FancyShark
Plot devices...too haphazard...too poorly explained!
gellaho
Listen, you can only do this so many times
gellaho
kids will notice
FancyShark
Is Frank just in Yharnam now?
gellaho
This book is almost teaching children to avoid cliches
FancyShark
If they haven't caught on by book 80, they never will
gellaho
Fuck, yes
gellaho
That's what I'm looking for
FancyShark
Ahh, welcome back, no-stakes
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh so now they're gonna be coy on whether or not this is real
gellaho
Begun, the clone wars have
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
...or maybe not
FancyShark
If this turns out to just be a story Frank is writing to entertain Joe, I am going to be so pissed
gellaho
If this was turned into a clinic, why are there still pews?
gellaho
Actually, the history never said this was a church either
wtf
FancyShark
Larger hospitals sometimes have a small chapel
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
he threw a pew at a hallucination
holy shit
like, I'm sure he looks like a fuckin lunatic on the outside but still
FancyShark
An entire pew? Frank's hulking
John, Grand Master of the Arena
The pew is a hallucination too. He actually threw an old stool
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
that's a kid that eats his fucking Wheaties
gellaho
he's also wearing a pink collared shirt under a sweater according to the cover
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
oh so he just looks like a coked out yuppie right now
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Poor Callie. You know Frank tells everyone about his promise ring.
gellaho
Who are you, Frank?
FancyShark
Oh hell. Frank's back in 'Nam
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"the usual hunting formation"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
Frank watched First Blood one too many times and thought it was a true story.
FancyShark
"Hey, I could do that"
gellaho
Josip is a real name, sure
gellaho
FancyShark
Frank has now murdered a janitor
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
jesus christ that was fast
gellaho
I make secret Apes, just in case. I revealed that one earlier in hot-dog-talk today
Frank, still not getting it
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I have to wonder if Callie ever got on the plane with him or if he just left her stranded in Maine
FancyShark
And yet somehow we still have to get to a point where Frank knows what's going on while Joe doesn't even though Joe was the one TOLD HE'D HALLUCINATE
gellaho
Joe, still not getting it
gellaho
Joe's gone back to the marina
Somebody's afraid of getting sued
gellaho
I'll assume
FancyShark
Clearly, Dixon doesn't read Heathcliff
If he did, he'd know copyright laws mean nothing to cartoon cats
gellaho
What
FancyShark
How powerful do the drugs have to be to make them trip this hard for so many hours?
gellaho
All this tells me is that Joe is a real narcissist
gellaho
Candles are the deadliest of drugs
FancyShark
Joe's fears are trying to retcon the first part of the book
gellaho
I love that the first word's Vanessa has gotten are as a ghost
Well, 100 pages in and I ain't got none of this shit
gellaho
come on
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
there was mention of Vanessa's mother having an animation company, I thought the ghosts were going to be an elaborate special effect
FancyShark
Good catch
gellaho
Joe's friend Chet has come over, and Joe decided to be a real dick about it
FancyShark
"I said girlfriend already!"
gellaho
Oh, wait. Chet is also an asshole
FancyShark
"Turns out I'm glad my sister's dead"
gellaho
Are you ready for ghost poetry?
gellaho
Oh, I wanted more
FancyShark
Sounds like the writer's warning against necrophilia
gellaho
that poem sucks
I think it stopped being a poem after the first couplet
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
was Chet with him for the kid encounter?
gellaho
the fuck is that
FancyShark
Yeah. The rhyme scheme is A-A-Joe-Threat
gellaho
He happened to leave before then
Hardy Boys is only narrative conveniences
Fuck you, ghosts!
GDCommando!
I gotta say, following some dumb, stoned teenager around isn't making for a great story
FancyShark
This could still be Ferroday's hunch about elaborate effects. With hallucinogens to make them more vivid
GDCommando!
The Hardys are precisely stupid enough to get Mysterio'd.
gellaho
Joe's gonna dig himself up a body
FancyShark
"I'm going to the only cemetery in existance!"
Morton's Mausoleums: Yes, We Have Salt
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so does this end with the Hardy boys getting arrested for drug-fueled vandalism?
gellaho
This sentence starts, "The bats around him"
FancyShark
If this is a Brockway CYOA, it will all be worth it
gellaho
Joe's tripping balls
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
just dropping all pretense now
FancyShark
C'mon. Break into "Thriller"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
for the truly stupid children
gellaho
"This is my summary of the Nightmare on Elm Street series"
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so when do we find out this was a plot by the person that blew up the boat to send the Hardys on a drug-fueld wild goose chase to prevent them from solving the actual mystery?
FancyShark
Probably right before the end
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
as is tradition
FancyShark
Dixon seems to be enjoying writing something that's not Frank explaining things to Joe
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's not a bad plan, my only issue is where we've been faffing about for half a dozen chapters
gellaho
OK, now I know Simon Hawke was involved in this
FancyShark
Yes. THIS is how you intimidate a witness
gellaho
Psi-war? Bio-war? Coincidence?
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
it's mostly just stu-pid
FancyShark
"No! S-shut up! I'm Frank Dixon! I have original ideas!"
gellaho
Lol
FancyShark
No notes
GDCommando!
If Simon Hawke ghost-wrote for Frank Dixon, does that make Simon or Frank look sadder?
gellaho
FancyShark
Ew
gellaho
THERE WASN'T ANY CANDY IN SIGHT YOU GUYS
OK, Frank isn't high. He's drunk
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so the note is likely real
FancyShark
Which means it's Chet
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
unless they're sharing a fucking hallucination
which would be incredibly stupid
OR the writer was on a roll and just forgot he was using that as a plot device here
gellaho
It's time!
gellaho
Ooh, what horseshit will we see
FancyShark
I hope Ricky shows up, just to smash headstones
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
"killing blow" so they're just straight up telling lies in the prose now
FancyShark
Eventually we'll get whole chapters describing their corpses before being told "never mind!"
gellaho
Chapter 13, chilling
FancyShark
Let the record show that @John, Grand Master of the Arena banked on "ducked"
gellaho
AAAAAAAAHHHHAAAAHHHHAAA
FancyShark
I'd say flinging backward still counts
FUCKING WHAT
gellaho
Frank's robot brain does not compute
GDCommando!
Wait so has Joe been running around with a dart in his neck this whole time?
FancyShark
I hope it's the size of a lawn dart
gellaho
I'm guessing this is the gunman on the front cover
gellaho
which is fucking weak
GDCommando!
He's just pincushioned with darts and no one has pointed it out.
FancyShark
"Beloved Mother" scatters everywhere
gellaho
Much more rational, Frank
gellaho
They only killed clones! Those aren't real people
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
the epitaph reads "TOLD 'EM I WAS SICK"
John, Grand Master of the Arena
I can't believe I wasn't here for my moment of triumph.
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
wait wait wait
so it's not hallucinations OR clones, but hallucinations AND clones?!
I
just
...fuck off dixon
gellaho
Frank hits himself in the head while in a fight with his hallucinating brother
John, Grand Master of the Arena
So they made a Callie clone just to immediately kill her?
FancyShark
I'm still betting on hallucinations and prompting from Chet
gellaho
Fuck clones, I guess
GDCommando!
They're really banking on the audience not batting an eye at the whole clone thing.
gellaho
You know, we've gave Simon Hawke a lot of shit for overly pontificating about humanity and human intelligence, but at least he gave a shit
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
so we're confirming that Frank left Callie stranded in Maine
FancyShark
Or he left her at the Bayport airport
And she never went to Maine
gellaho
Yeah, Joe's the weird one
gellaho
Joe is a psychopath and Frank is a sociapath
John, Grand Master of the Arena
All of Joe's girlfriends explode, Frank fled the state after his girlfriend died. It's like they go out of their way to look guilty of something.
GDCommando!
Has frank addressed the whole dart situation?
gellaho
no!
GDCommando!
Just leaving his brother tagged like a rhinocerous
FancyShark
Let's not forget, this is potentially all an attempt to prevent them from delivering testimony
gellaho
Frank has mostly been talking to himself
FancyShark
These assholes deserve each other
GDCommando!
I'm sure whatever testimony they deliver now is going to be super compelling.
FancyShark
"Clones! Ghosts! No candy!"
gellaho
This implies that Joe has been destroying gravestones with a shovel while Frank talks to himself
gellaho
For a while
GDCommando!
"Your honor, I've been tripping on rhino tranquilizers for the past 3 days."
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
...gravestones are granite, Joe is sixteen
he should have tuckered out after at most gravestone 2
gellaho
Wait. The girl he was hitting on when his girlfriend died is involved?
gellaho
I'm reading this right, correct?
FancyShark
So this was a lecture on fidelity the whole time
gellaho
how many teens are involved in this international terrorism scheme?
Is this the clone?
FancyShark
Or Iola orchestrated this whole thing because Joe is terrible
gellaho
What in the actual fuck
Ferroday, Hype Coven Crone
I'll have to find out after my internet un-fucks itself
gellaho
Here's the thing: if I actually read the books involving the clones and shit, this would be so obvious
and boring
FancyShark
So they're not even clones. They're just people trained and modeled to look like other people.
gellaho
I like this Iola clone
