A Photon Adventure Novel #3. The All-new Intergalactic Action Series! It's not just a game. It's an adventure...
Archive
gellaho
The Bhodi Li saga continues! This time, we've got Peter David's signature along to help us in Photon: In Search of MOM. Will the laser tag wielding Photon Guardians be able to save mommy from the Arrian aliens? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
gellaho
@Brockway can I get a pin?
gellaho
Somebody really cared for these books, kept them in great shape, and got them signed
gellaho
It's too bad I'm probably going to spill my drink on some of the pages
Dr Shark
It's nice to see a book kept in good condition, even if the book is terrible. It shows that someone gave a shit at at least one step in its life
gellaho
Here's the preview for Photon: In Search of MOM
gellaho
Looking like there's going to be a DAD added
Dr Shark
I hope we see Peter work through some parent issues
JCantrell
But does he sing bass?
gellaho
It looks like he's going to try to add lore to this
Dr Shark
BTW, @gellaho I read your archived coverage of Bad Rap. It was even more amazing than expected
hype slug jakesy
Oh no there’s a DAD now too
“You’re not my real DAD,” Bodhi sputtered
gellaho
He's going into some kind of cosmic gods region here
gellaho
That is just how the book starts. No Prologue, or chapter title
gellaho
You get dedication, copyright info, first page all crammed together
Dr Shark
I...kinda like it? It reminds me of Discworld. Just not witty
gellaho
MEANWHILE
dr
I like the implication the conversation is about the copyright info
Dr Shark
Have we met Jarvis before?
gellaho
He is Bhodi Li
Dr Shark
Oh
gellaho
But on Earth without the Photon energy
dr
THE BERKLEY B LOGO IS TRADEMARKED
“Ahh a bold move!”
hype slug jakesy
Damn Bog Beasts
gellaho
Sure, girlfriend
Dr Shark
Thank you. I can't retain names easy
gellaho
Laser tag gets all the chicks
Dr Shark
Hell yeah. That's why every orgy starts with lasers
gellaho
Oh, I'm sure this 17 year old ultra nerd gets it
gellaho
Dr Shark
He's got an Apple IIE. He pulls
gellaho
Chicks dig guys who didn't know about Nazis until he traveled back to WWII
hype slug jakesy
Of course he has a wham poster, Sexy Sax is what the women demand
GDC
I think these letters to his girlfriend are going to be evidence for the restraining order she's going to need.
Dr Shark
"What's a Holocaust?" "TAKE ME NOW"
gellaho
It's a text adventure? That's a Panty dropper
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
"And that was the moment that bog beasts chose to attack" is a solid opening line to any book
Dr Shark
Oh shit. Is this going to cross over with Brockway's text adventure?
gellaho
Getting into arguments with your sister about computer games?
gellaho
Checking items off the hunk checklist
GDC
Haha, this nerd has a cradle modem
gellaho
Bhodi Li: World's Greatest Detective
Dr Shark
No, it was "HELL OF A WAIT FOR YOU TO REMEMBER ONLY I CAN TALK TO YOU LIKE THIS"
gellaho
Bhodi Li takes whatever is given to him without question
GDC
I would have a lot of questions about this system
Dr Shark
Just obscene amounts of questions
dr
What the hell is the structure of that first sentence supposed to be
gellaho
Listen, it's what MOMMY told him. So he's gotta listen
Dr Shark
It might be a bad translation
GDC
"Also, can we go over what this has to do with laser tag again?"
gellaho
DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM!?
JCantrell
To be honest I'd be uncomfortable with what is essentially a game for dominance over the galaxy
Was this some sort of truce agreement? Bet between all powerful cosmic entities? Poorly thought out plot element?
Dr Shark
I need to keep a tally at each of these readings for each time I want to kick Bhodi's ass
gellaho
This is a book about laser tag that started out with Hitler. All bets are off
gellaho
dr
Just count up the number of pages posted?
GDC
"Why are we using child soldiers? Especially extremely stupid ones, like Bhodi Li."
Dr Shark
"If they die, no one cares"
gellaho
Imagine Bhodi just sitting there, sadly playing laser tag
JCantrell
They don't ask questions
GDC
Especially about nazis, apparently
gellaho
It's also weird that he's being called Bhodi here when he hasn't gone through his transformation sequence
JCantrell
I'd like to see a gritty reboot of photon
Not because it would be good or worthwhile, I'd just like to see it
Dr Shark
I feel like we're seeing the fantasy just drop from Bhodi's brain and he's just been beating up little kids in laser tag this whole time
gellaho
I don't know that I want the gritty Photon Holocaust
JCantrell
Coward
Dr Shark
It would just be a looping animation of one guy getting shot by a laser
gellaho
You kissed Tivia in the last book, get it together
Ferroday, The Mother Harlot
this reads like a parody I'd find in someone else's book
Dr Shark
Why can't he talk to Baethan? Would it get too awesome?
gellaho
Bhodi says fuck you to his friends and family
hype slug jakesy
This is unbelievably funny
I’m just catching up and I can’t stop laughing
gellaho
Bhodi Li is the worst
Dr Shark
Go ahead, invoke the name of one of the greatest women in scifi. I can't wait for her to show up and kick your ass
gellaho
Bhodi Li lives to make references
Dr Shark
Bhodi wrote Ready Player One, didn't he?
GDC
All the other characters are just constantly thinking about what an asshole Bhodi is.
They could all contact you whenever they wanted, they just hate you.
gellaho
These people are too invested in their computer
Dr Shark
The Photons have no organizational structure at all
gellaho
Shed a tear for the computer MOM
hype slug jakesy
I’m waiting for the line. “DAD’s home.” It’s going to happen, book it
Dr Shark
Locked in
Also, does this mean life support is gone?
gellaho
They have a cult-like devotion to this spacestation
Dr Shark
I don't like the idea of someone thinking they're violating something when crawling around a place they call MOM
dr
How wide are these assholes that they need a five foot diameter
gellaho
Remember that this is a small child and an orange alien that looks like Mr Potato head
gellaho
This alien with three lungs seemingly cannot hold his breath for any time
Dr Shark
It feels like Bhodi and Parcival should have their personalities swapped
gellaho
I was really worried for a second, jeez
Dr Shark
"I did it, Pike. You're dead weight. Fucker."
gellaho
Back to these idiots
GDC
I love that they completely ignore bhodi's attempt to change the name of the ship.
hype slug jakesy
How are the Arrians still around
They don’t ever do shit, they just scheme a bit and play laser tag with their projections
Like why not try the time machine thing again
Dr Shark
It's Saturday Morning Cartoon logic. If a plan doesn't work, use goons until a new one does. Never refine an old plan
gellaho
I think Warriarr is going to kill himself
hype slug jakesy
There’s no shortage of evil dictators in our past
Dr Shark
Warriarr got his ass handed to him by Bhodi last time. He's bound to be feeling down
gellaho
The Warlord of Arr is rumbling through his base as a shadow. Dogarr is worthless
Ferroday, The Mother Harlot
"Warriarr" "Bhodi Li" "Lizoid" is this place the home for rejected He-Man characters?
gellaho
Nobody's allowed on the Warlord of Arr's computer
Dr Shark
"Computer. Pull up Etsy"
hype slug jakesy
He doesn’t want anyone to see his ArrrnlyFans
gellaho
Gasp
hype slug jakesy
Giving myself the pug for that one
Dr Shark
That is the least menacing line I've ever seen.
"Oh, it grows, DAD. It grows"
GDC
"It's not just a phase, DAD."
gellaho
This has really weird implications
gellaho
So DAD has MOM imprisoned. And is working with the Arrians (descendants of Hitler, remember)
Dr Shark
Peter's taking his parents' divorce pretty hard
GDC
You recruited child soldiers to play games with other gods, MOM. You're the bad guy here.
hype slug jakesy
DAD has MOM locked in the basement for her own good and to lure the kids over, this is completely normal
Dr Shark
Remember: this is all to entice kids to play laser tag
gellaho
This is so weird
hype slug jakesy
My DAD is stronger than your MOM
Dr Shark
Nuh-uh. My MOM could totally beat up your DAD if he fought fair
gellaho
The Warlord making some good points about the sycophantic Photon Guardians
Dr Shark
Rare to see a computer admit that it doesn't know when shit breaks
gellaho
Either I was too drunk last time to remember this, or Peter David is doing some retconning
Dr Shark
I'm on board for destroying Bhodi's brain
gellaho
DAD with the sick burns
hype slug jakesy
Do you get it, DAD?
gellaho
Back to the chess playing entities
GDC
The fact that her 'children' are literal children is kind of a sticking point for me.
JCantrell
This laser tag tie in novel series goes to some dark places
gellaho
Back at school
Dr Shark
He would be friends with someone like Al
GDC
Al is real Photon Guardian material.
gellaho
Chris aka Bhodi Li agrees
Dr Shark
Al would go on to start a local chapter for Men's Rights
No one thinks Americans are wusses, Chris. They think Americans are bloodthirsty, trigger-happy idiots
hype slug jakesy
Hahahah he learned the wrong lessons from Hitler, classic mistake
Dr Shark
Just imagine if they'd brought back Jack the Ripper. Bhodi would be out carving up every woman he met
gellaho
Bhodi Li: Moron Part 1
gellaho
Part 2
gellaho
Bhodi Li, who has met Hitler, unfamiliar with what a fascist is
Dr Shark
And again: this is all intended to get kids to play laser tag
gellaho
I have absolutely no idea what Peter David is trying to do here
Dr Shark
I think we're witnessing the same breakdown as the Mega Man comic
Rephrase: I hope we're witnessing the same breakdown as the Mega Man comic
hype slug jakesy
Bhodi Li: Hitler Youth
gellaho
Bhodi Li, who saved his own grandmother from dying in a concentration camp, unfamiliar with the concept
GDC
MOM indoctrinated him at a very young age, it's not his fault. He's very stupid.
gellaho
Parcival was home schooled by his computer MOM
gellaho
He's also showed up and expects to be able to get a High Schooler out of class
He's ten years old
gellaho
Fuck-up must run in the family
Dr Shark
Mrs. Jarvis "falls" a lot, doesn't she?
gellaho
"Is the laser tag illegal and dangerous?"
gellaho
He told his mom his nickname meant sex machine
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha
gellaho
There's some really fucked up parental shit happening in this book
Dr Shark
"Kids gotta learn some time"
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I got caught up and now I'm super fucking jazzed to play laser tag
GDC
This is full of shit. Getting shitfaced and playing laser tag is awesome
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Say what you will about the writing but it accomplishes what it set out to do
gellaho
Parcival is a 10 year old black kid, so this is, uh, awkward
Dr Shark
We also saw earlier that Bhodi doesn't like playing laser tag. He was disappointed to be left doing that after his transformation didn't occur
GDC
Wait, so does he actually ever play laser tag, or is that just a cover for being a power ranger?
hype slug jakesy
The laser tag is the training for the power ranger thing
But Bhodi Li is so good now he don’t need practice
Dr Shark
Also, eat shit, Mrs. Kasman
GDC
So it's a Last Starfighter sort of deal?
Dr Shark
Seems like it
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
So he just hangs around the other team's spawn and blasts them while totally ignoring the objective like a dick
hype slug jakesy
I mean Bhodi Li sucks shit as a person, so that behavior checks out
gellaho
I don't know how to handle a weird 10 year old trying to pick up a high schooler, but this isn't it
GDC
30 years later, Bhodi Li is sitting on his couch, shouting racial slurs at a teenager in Call of Duty. He's been training for this moment his whole life.
Dr Shark
So does Parcival have a home, or does he just hang out with space uncle and computer MOM?
gellaho
Maybe all the Photon Guardians are fascists
gellaho
He was an orphan who somehow had enough access to a Photon Center to get selected to be a Guardian
Dr Shark
Ah, thank you
gellaho
Now he just hangs out in space, incurious about where his family might be
gellaho
He'd be about fifty, so that level of sadness checks out
Dr Shark
This rings slightly more towards anarchist for me
GDC
Why can't these books be about Parcival? He's the only competent one.
gellaho
he runs around with a bat instead of a laser gun
Dr Shark
That's even better
gellaho
Oh no
Dr Shark
DUN DUN...
gellaho
These morons parked their space ship within Earth's airspace
Dr Shark
...dammit
GDC
These space aliens don't even have the wherewithal to keep from getting top gunned.
gellaho
When 2 of the 6 Guardians are children from Earth, you don't really get to have this sense of superiority
Dr Shark
Couldn't they just put a trenchcoat and hat on Baethan and have him retrieve Bhodi? He's got a 'stache. He could pass for human
gellaho
Rather than just talking, they decided to do this
GDC
Seems like they ought to be more knowledgeable about a planet their arch-nemesis recently attempted to recruit a dictator from.
gellaho
which surely won't give up the ghost
If the three aliens talking to Hitler and several Nazis didn't already let the cat out of the bag
They were also out in the open at D-Day, but there were almost no people present for that, right?
Dr Shark
It was a small, private affair
gellaho
Fuck you, Al
gellaho
I know Lord Baethan has a sweet mustache, but I don't know if he's technically a man "Queen Mother"
gellaho
what with being a robot
Dr Shark
Not until his "upgrade" is installed
gellaho
Based on the rules of Steele, he is only truly a man if he has a fleshy, human penis
Dr Shark
Harsh but fair
GDC
That's some solid worldbuilding.
gellaho
Please die, Bhodi
Dr Shark
Get it, children of the 1980's? Huh? Huh?
gellaho
Two Groucho Marx references
gellaho
One from the child who didn't know who HITLER was
Dr Shark
ugh
gellaho
Coordinates in hyperspace
Dr Shark
But you were still able to calculate them?
gellaho
This page might as well be empty
gellaho
Or say "the game continued"
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I really hate this framing story
Dr Shark
Yeah, I take back the faint praise from the start. This is just filler
gellaho
This is a great relationship
Dr Shark
Don Diebel looks at Bhodi and burns with envy
gellaho
Black holes are space magic, right?
Dr Shark
Of course. Bhodi, you go first.
gellaho
1) Gross
2) he's done this before?
Dr Shark
Didn't they go through one in the last book?
gellaho
I demand these books be about Lord Baethan
Dr Shark
Seconded
gellaho
Look at him
gellaho
Cyborgs (which I guess Baethan is?) have magic technology sensing power
gellaho
To be clear, it's not his wizard powers that can do this, but his cyborg powers
Dr Shark
So everything has Bluetooth/WiFi?
gellaho
We already stole from Star Wars, might as well steal from Star Trek
Dr Shark
Didn't even change the beam color
gellaho
Tube lady
dr
Because they had so much luck interacting with jagged doorways earlier
Dr Shark
The room ahead of them? Did they need the space child to point that out?
gellaho
Baethan has an idea
gellaho
OK, I changed my mind about Lord Baethan
Dr Shark
RIP
gellaho
He's actually addressing what's happening on Earth
gellaho
I'll give him credit for not completely ignoring the alien abduction
Which tells you how little I was expecting
Dr Shark
Ah, but we've established that MOM can wipe memories. They'll probably MIB the planet by the end.
gellaho
Not addressing it well, but there's effort
Dr Shark
Better get some ice for that burn, unstable lady!
dr
Cyborg is really just code for “character who can be revived/rebuilt without much trouble” I hope
gellaho
These jokes are terrible
Dr Shark
Guaranteed
Dr Shark
Was there some mention of ice before? That joke feels insanely forced
gellaho
You know what, I'm taking the military's side on this one
gellaho
Dr Shark
"Oh I'm sorry, sir. Maybe next time we engage with something that levels a school we'll ask it if it minds before we start shooting"
dr
I love just letting the angry father scream at an officer
GDC
I'm glad Kath got in a dig at a rival sports team in the context of her brother's abduction
gellaho
Aaaaaahhhhaaaaahhhahahaha
GDC
Well, that answers my question
Dr Shark
Hahahaha
gellaho
Stop referencing things
gellaho
I can't believe he mentioned it
hype slug jakesy
Aren’t there like 4 more books
How do you keep the story going now that the whole thing is out in the open
gellaho
It's almost as bad as when he talked about Indiana Jones in his Holocaust book
Dr Shark
It's really happening. It's turning into Ready Player One
gellaho
There's apparently one he didn't write called "Thieves of Light"
dr
Ready Player One has a specific point of reference though
This is just referencing stuff that was released like two years prior
Dr Shark
Good point
hype slug jakesy
Hmmm the Cesar Milan Photon Book does not bode well for us
gellaho
You gotta be consistent. A laser pistol opened a huge hole in the earth in book 1
Dr Shark
It bounced?! Better hope there's no collateral damage
gellaho
The best character is fine, everyone
gellaho
This is not an Ice situation
Really seems like you should just let the cyborg wizard take care of everything
Dr Shark
He gonna bring the thunder?
gellaho
Maybe he does suck
Dr Shark
If your magic stick is only used for healing, all you're doing is making it possible to drop the thing keeping you alive
gellaho
Maybe the lizard is the cool one
dr
Hey, robot, you’ll have better luck with that if you don’t have both hands on their head
gellaho
Nevermind, he used their only way back to the ship
gellaho
Why only have one of those
dr
why let Bhodi talk?
gellaho
They had a transporter that could be used three times in the first book, and that was dumb
Dr Shark
Send Bhodi back up there. Then purge the oxygen
gellaho
Bhodi Li: Cosmic Moron. Part I
gellaho
Part II
Dr Shark
Dammit, stop teasing us with the promise of dead Bhodi!
gellaho
The lady in the tube has a label in Aramaic, so we're going fully biblical
Dr Shark
Ugh, Peter's trying to be whimsical
gellaho
How exactly do you miss that
Dr Shark
Bhodi has trouble noticing things about women
gellaho
I hate all these people
GDC
Peter David fails in his attempt to emulate Douglas Adams.
gellaho
This is all a terrible advertisement for laser tag
gellaho
well, that didn't crop correctly, but whatever
Dr Shark
None of them thought MOM was an acronym?
GDC
Why did they think they were saying it in capitals?
gellaho
If you have been asleep since the Ice Age, you cannot know who Sleeping Beauty is
gellaho
I think they thought she was their mommy
dr
Replying to a question with the exact same line you just said is some discount Sorkin shit
gellaho
I don't appreciate this turn into Matrixville
dr
But based on timing, maybe this is where Sorkin learned it?
gellaho
This is an insane turn
gellaho
I don't appreciate this ancient computer shit
gellaho
You cannot try for gravitas and universal importance for laser tag
Dr Shark
You just summarized this whole series
Also, this lady figured out how to create lifelike AI and didn't bother sharing that with the rest of the world?
gellaho
Fuck me
Dr Shark
Are we getting Galactus?!
GDC
Galactus was two races that were not able to get along.
dr
There is no way children are reading and comprehending any of this
gellaho
Jesus Christ
gellaho
This is a prank
gellaho
nobody would actually do this
GDC
@JCantrell is right, worldbuilding sucks.
dr
This is the megaman comics all over. He hates this job and desperately wants to be fired.
gellaho
Sell laser tag, Peter. Please
Dr Shark
"You want to sell laser tag? I'll sell you some goddamn laser tag."
gellaho
I bet he thought bringing Hitler into the first book would do it
gellaho
Unfortunately for him, Photon Marketing, Ltd. does not care
Dr Shark
It makes so much more sense if this is the Mega Man comic pattern
Dr Shark
I can dream!
gellaho
Peter David clearly thought the Cold War would end poorly
But what of the Electronians?
This stupid shit
JCantrell
World's worst lensman rip off
gellaho
I think you might be getting Galactus
gellaho
I'm losing my mind
Dr Shark
Archie is Galactus is God?
I taste copper
gellaho
Dr Shark
Wasn't this the plot for Marvel vs DC?
GDC
This is The Last Question, but stupid.
gellaho
I got nothing
gellaho
Thanks for this idiotic banter
gellaho
What are you trying to accomplish Peter David?
GDC
This just...keeps going.
Dr Shark
"This enough to sell your fucking laser tag? Huh? HUH?!"
gellaho
The fact that this is Photon versus Neutron tells me Peter David failed physics
dr
“You’ll rue the day you agreed to pay me by the word”
Dr Shark
"If I cannot escape my prison, I will reduce it to rubble and ash!"
gellaho
I hate
gellaho
Everything
gellaho
I think Peter David literally confused Protons for Photons for this entire book
GDC
Doubly stupid from a man who has written Star Trek books.
gellaho
Jesus, this is stupid
Dr Shark
But they're playing chess...
gellaho
"Neutron decided to be evil, even though they were by definition neutral"
gellaho
I didn't need this explanation
gellaho
Don't you bring logic into this
Dr Shark
Peter slipped up and had Parcival speak for the audience
gellaho
Who asked for an explanation of this system earlier? This is your fault
gellaho
This is as if the light side and dark side of the force were petulant children
gellaho
And gave themselves like fifteen titles
hype slug jakesy
Oh god there’s eventually going to be a third side called Electron isn’t there
Dr Shark
Todd McFarlane wrote something similar in Spawn. It also wasn't very good
gellaho
Never saw myself siding with Bhodi
Dr Shark
There's only one way out, Bhodi. You have a gun. You know what to do
gellaho
Fuck you
gellaho
gellaho
Again, fuck you
hype slug jakesy
So it’s a game..that’s real in space..that actually turns out to still be a game in space
Dr Shark
All to sell laser tag
gellaho
God, I hate this
Really seems like you could just get away with anything during this period of time in publishing
Dr Shark
I'm clinging to the idea he's trying to sabotage himself
gellaho
Maybe
But to start Book 1 with Nazis. You'd almost think that was trying to sabotage it
Except it's the first one, so why agree to it in the first place?
GDC
He literally explains that the plot is the same as a very popular, recent movie.
Dr Shark
Maybe it was some kind of Monkey's Paw scenario. He wished to write a book series and got this.
GDC
He was already writing Star Trek books, though.
gellaho
Then again, I read his other series Psi-Man and he named a dog Rommel so maybe he's just bad
Dr Shark
Maybe he was under contract to write this for as long as it would sell?
gellaho
The fact that the computers have these names doesn't help
Dr Shark
You can bully computers to make them work? That'd be useful
gellaho
OK, don't start ripping off The Who too
gellaho
Does MOM sure play a mean pinball?
Dr Shark
We need a musical Ape to accurately react to that one
But she IS already one with the machine
gellaho
This has just been two computer programs fighting each other, which has never been exciting
Dr Shark
Command prompt: delete DAD
gellaho
Bhodi has decided that being a pawn in a cosmic game is A-OK
Dr Shark
It's all he's got
gellaho
because the computer program cried at him
Dr Shark
Don't judge. I left ransomware on my computer for months because it begged me to spare its life
gellaho
These chapter titles suck
GDC
Sometimes I load up Starcraft and just watch two computer controlled factions fight. Our protagonists have all the agency of any given zergling.
Dr Shark
Same charisma too
gellaho
They've Lawnmower Manned
Dr Shark
Bhodi thinks MOM is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen
hype slug jakesy
Does he want to bang his mom now
gellaho
They're inside DAD
hype slug jakesy
I thought he was into Tivia of Nivia
gellaho
So maybe him
Dr Shark
Holy shit this is Freudian
GDC
What are you doing, step-MOM?
gellaho
DAD was emotionless at the beginning of this
hype slug jakesy
“DADdy’s home!”
Dr Shark
Deadbeat DADs go to some weird places to connect with their kids
hype slug jakesy
“Does this mean my alimony payments go down? More days of visitation mean less child support too!”
Dr Shark
"You're with me too, so technically the time they spend with you is still with me!"
gellaho
Oh, goddammit it's the last Steele book
Dr Shark
Is he ending the book soon? Is the next one going to be Bhodi in Pleasantville?
gellaho
real weird parent stuff
Dr Shark
His mom slapping him seemed on point
And his father being disappointed in him
gellaho
Now his dad and laser tag have turned against him
Dr Shark
Dang
gellaho
I don't know who these people are, but this is excessively violent
dr
I mean, the readers turned on him long ago so this all makes sense
Dr Shark
"I WILL BURN THIS SERIES TO THE GROUND! DO YOU HEAR ME!"
gellaho
Oh, we're doing this for everyone. Great
Dr Shark
Baethan's nightmare is that he keeps having to associate with Bhodi
dr
100% on the queen’s side here
Dr Shark
Yeah, there's no coming back from that
hype slug jakesy
Trivia from Tivia of Nivia
gellaho
FUCK YOU MOM, NUNCHUCKS
Dr Shark
Hell yes
hype slug jakesy
The most deadly weapon
gellaho
Peter, talk to your parents
Dr Shark
Lizzie the Lizoid
dr
Holy shit
gellaho
Turns out Baethan is white
Dr Shark
Even the mustache was fake? What are you, Baethan?
gellaho
I don't buy that
hype slug jakesy
I imagine he looks like Kyle Gass without his cyborg parts
gellaho
KG Soloman 5000?
You don't mess with the Rage Kage
gellaho
Meanwhile, Pike plays cards with a sweaty guy
gellaho
Parcival is just a dick
gellaho
Fuck you, other orphans
hype slug jakesy
Hell yeah Parcival
Dr Shark
"Before I go, you should all know your parents said you deserve to be here."
gellaho
This is psychotic
hype slug jakesy
Dr Shark
Jesus
dr
I hope he’s using the royalties to pay for therapy
gellaho
Don't do this, writers
Dr Shark
No matter how many times he wrote it, the word still echoed in Peter David's head
gellaho
Parcival murdered his way out
hype slug jakesy
Oh shit. Go in your rooms kids. Don’t look him in the eye. MOM loves you
Dr Shark
Haha, ten year olds! Always looking for chances to go on a killing spree!
gellaho
Nothing Oedipal about this
Dr Shark
"Who's going through a phase now, DAD?"
dr
You’re not my real DAD!
gellaho
The Arrians suck
dr
Uh.
Dr Shark
Omigod, omigod! Did Dogarr ever have lunch?!
dr
Penetrated is missing a noun
gellaho
Parcival, 10 years old, not recognizing the humanity of his enemies
hype slug jakesy
Parcival is the only one with any balls here
Dr Shark
What have you seen, Parcival? What's behind those eyes?
hype slug jakesy
Everyone else is just like ahhh guess we just gotta die
gellaho
This is for children
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha Bhodi thinking about Dat Ass
Dr Shark
Dat underage ass.
Play laser tag, kids!
hype slug jakesy
Playing laser tag and getting to first base, that’s what high school nerds do
gellaho
Bhodi Li tries to rescue the human within Mandarr by randomly ripping out wires
GDC
The lucky ones, maybe.
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha Jesus
Dr Shark
"Well, you tried, Bhodi"
gellaho
Sure, the Warlord
Dr Shark
Mandarr was fine a few minutes ago, Bhodi
gellaho
Kill your enemies en masse, children
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
If we ever do a Hot Dawg! Meat-Up can it be laser tag?
Dr Shark
Of course
There will be so many casualties
gellaho
Baethan, you can figure out what an elevator is by the name
Dr Shark
Your funeral, Soldarrs. You grabbed the most dangerous one
gellaho
This has both Star Trek and Wars references
gellaho
He accidentally called it a phaser
He also referred to disrupters earlier
Dr Shark
Peter's done giving a fuck
gellaho
He certainly has
Dr Shark
If Parcival finds him, Pirarr's dead anyway
gellaho
We're doing footnotes now!?
hype slug jakesy
Lol “see other photon thing for reference”
gellaho
What is this video game shit
Dr Shark
Wait, Hell is right there?
gellaho
Lol, he has a weak point
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Not sure how important this is but FancySharrk is the only one here who can easily take an Arr name
hype slug jakesy
Hahahaha he’s like a Zelda boss
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Not saying he is time travel pals with Hitler but FancySharrk definitely is
gellaho
Jesus, you are such a nerd
GDC
Just hit the jewel with the weapon you found in this dungeon.
gellaho
"Love, buh, wha?"
hype slug jakesy
“Love? Is that some kind of pussy commie emotion?”
gellaho
Goddammit
dr
Depends on how you’re pronouncing mine
gellaho
the closet is scawwwy
BTW, he completely gave up on that cosmic game of chess
Dr Shark
That is absolutely what I'm saying. I thought I'd be safe behind my human mustache.
gellaho
You know what, I don't get it. I need at least five examples
gellaho
Moron
gellaho
RIP
hype slug jakesy
Lol
Dr Shark
Nice job, Bhodi
Dr Shark
You've doomed us all
gellaho
Word a child would know, sure
gellaho
that may be the most insane pronunciation guidelines I've ever seen
Dr Shark
Did they cram two pronunciations together?
gellaho
MEANWHILE
Dr Shark
The sky is bleeding! Play laser tag!
hype slug jakesy
Should have just let the Arrians become the master race I guess
gellaho
Jesus, he's dumb
Dr Shark
"I'm calling you a loser, Bhodi. Is that getting through?"
gellaho
We have about three pages to resolve this
Dr Shark
Do it, Peter David. Burn it all to the ground
gellaho
hype slug jakesy
Lol the gods wear laser tag gear full time
gellaho
gellaho
Neutron is one of those guys
Dr Shark
wtfhaxxorcheatr
gellaho
RIP Dogarr
gellaho
We hardly knew ye
Dr Shark
Farewell, sweet prince. May you go to a place where there is lunch
gellaho
Dr Shark
The only important thing is that Bhodi's not responsible
gellaho
Oh, FUCK YOU
dr
lol hey guuyyyys
gellaho
I can't believe this shit
hype slug jakesy
Hahahahhaa
Unreal
Dr Shark
lol, holy shit
gellaho
Fuck you, Peter David
hype slug jakesy
Ahhh we can play multiple games, why didn’t we think of that?
Dr Shark
I hope his parents just resume beating the shit out of him
gellaho
Fuck you
gellaho
Suck my dick
gellaho
WHY DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN
GDC
Hooray for the status quo!
hype slug jakesy
“So none of this mattered? Cool. Now let’s play this new game, FarCry 5!”
Dr Shark
Peter David: "Got your money, suckers!"
Dr Shark
Y'know. For catharsis
gellaho
The End
Ferroday, The Mother Harlot
knowing what I know of peter david, that might have been his precise line of thinking
hype slug jakesy
Peter David can suck two out of three of my cock and balls
Send tweet
gellaho
Fuck you too, Peter David
hype slug jakesy
Hahahaha
Dr Shark
Fuck this. And fuck Hitler too. I'm changing my name back
GDC
Fuck you. Nothing happened and nothing mattered. The End.
gellaho
How dare you sign this
hype slug jakesy
Good to have you back, FancyHitler
gellaho
God, that was exhausting
Dr Shark
Good to be back
Hey!
hype slug jakesy
Wait wrong name
Haha
Dr Shark
Eh, close enough
gellaho
That was only 155 pages long
Fuck
Dr Shark
It's dead now. We can take comfort in that
GDC
In conclusion, laser tag is a land of contrasts.
Dr Shark
Between good and evil?
gellaho
Well, I defeated Photon: In Search of Mom, I guess
gellaho
I have no idea what this cover is supposed to be depicting
Dr Shark
Thanks again @gellaho
GDC
Nice of Ron Jeremy to cameo on it, though.
dr
WHAT.
GDC
Between two races that were not able to get along.
Dr Shark
Right. Galactus
JCantrell
That's really the basis of all war isn't it?
gellaho
It was a lot, right?
gellaho
It was some sort of Cold War metaphor, I'm thinking
JCantrell
"I've got to write these shitty books to sell laser tag, I know, kids love E E Smith, I'll just rip him off"
gellaho
Although it's hard for my brain to actually process much right now
gellaho
Your story progression can't be (1) Hitler, (2) Some stupid minor political intrigue, (3) Universal warfare between two cosmic entities that created the universe
JCantrell
I can't get over how much this story borrows from lensman, the obscure pulp sci Fi space opera from the 30s that only I care about in the 2020. Like, there's some minor differences but it's enough alike that it can't be a coincidence
Hes a comic writer he could be ripping off green lantern ripping off lensman
gellaho
This next one sounds annoying too
JCantrell
Actually I bet @Old Man Brendan knows about lensman.
JCantrell
Ripping off an at that point like 50 year old series didn't work out, do know he's cribbing from an old radio show
gellaho
I hate amnesia, especially "oh no, nobody remembers me shit"
JCantrell
Wait no he's going for it's a wonderful life
gellaho
Yeah
gellaho
It's just pointless, everyone is going to remember. So why go through it
Dr Shark
Still, at least no one rhymed in this book
JCantrell
I mean, this whole series is pointless
Its a laser tag sci fi epic
GDC
I think this is a form of alliterative verse popular with anglo-saxon poets.
gellaho
So it's hundreds of years old?
gellaho
I disagree, there's almost no laser tag
JCantrell
Well yeah, that's because the writer is bad at his one job
GDC
They literally said this is the last starfighter but with laser tag.
That was dialog in the book.
gellaho
He did write a book about a psychic warrior who was instead a quaker pacifist. So maybe this is his thing
hype slug jakesy
The ending was one step away from just being “it was all a dream”
Dr Shark
Think that'll be how the next one ends?
hype slug jakesy
Knowing Peters’ affinity for references, I would expect the response from percival to be “I used to read Word Up Magazine”
gellaho
"Tivia had brought on the heartbreak, just like Def Leppard sang about."
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
So that was pretty dumb and bad but I think Photon deserves another shot
Best 2 out of 3?
gellaho
I mean, I've read three
gellaho
But I also spent way too much money on these signed copies
