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The best character is fine, everyone
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#3 Photon
The best character is fine, everyone
This is not an Ice situation
Really seems like you should just let the cyborg wizard take care of everything
He gonna bring the thunder?
Maybe he does suck
If your magic stick is only used for healing, all you're doing is making it possible to drop the thing keeping you alive
Maybe the lizard is the cool one
Hey, robot, you’ll have better luck with that if you don’t have both hands on their head
Nevermind, he used their only way back to the ship
Why only have one of those
why let Bhodi talk?
They had a transporter that could be used three times in the first book, and that was dumb
Send Bhodi back up there. Then purge the oxygen
Bhodi Li: Cosmic Moron. Part I
Part II
Dammit, stop teasing us with the promise of dead Bhodi!
The lady in the tube has a label in Aramaic, so we're going fully biblical
Ugh, Peter's trying to be whimsical
How exactly do you miss that
Bhodi has trouble noticing things about women
I hate all these people
Peter David fails in his attempt to emulate Douglas Adams.
This is all a terrible advertisement for laser tag
well, that didn't crop correctly, but whatever
None of them thought MOM was an acronym?
Why did they think they were saying it in capitals?
If you have been asleep since the Ice Age, you cannot know who Sleeping Beauty is
I think they thought she was their mommy
Replying to a question with the exact same line you just said is some discount Sorkin shit
I don't appreciate this turn into Matrixville
But based on timing, maybe this is where Sorkin learned it?
This is an insane turn
I don't appreciate this ancient computer shit
You cannot try for gravitas and universal importance for laser tag
You just summarized this whole series
Also, this lady figured out how to create lifelike AI and didn't bother sharing that with the rest of the world?
Fuck me
Are we getting Galactus?!
Galactus was two races that were not able to get along.
There is no way children are reading and comprehending any of this
Jesus Christ
This is a prank
nobody would actually do this
@JCantrell is right, worldbuilding sucks.
This is the megaman comics all over. He hates this job and desperately wants to be fired.
Sell laser tag, Peter. Please
"You want to sell laser tag? I'll sell you some goddamn laser tag."
I bet he thought bringing Hitler into the first book would do it
Unfortunately for him, Photon Marketing, Ltd. does not care
It makes so much more sense if this is the Mega Man comic pattern
I can dream!
Peter David clearly thought the Cold War would end poorly
But what of the Electronians?
This stupid shit
World's worst lensman rip off
I think you might be getting Galactus
I'm losing my mind
Archie is Galactus is God?
I taste copper
Wasn't this the plot for Marvel vs DC?
This is The Last Question, but stupid.
I got nothing
Thanks for this idiotic banter
What are you trying to accomplish Peter David?
This just...keeps going.
"This enough to sell your fucking laser tag? Huh? HUH?!"
The fact that this is Photon versus Neutron tells me Peter David failed physics
“You’ll rue the day you agreed to pay me by the word”
"If I cannot escape my prison, I will reduce it to rubble and ash!"
I hate
Everything
I think Peter David literally confused Protons for Photons for this entire book
Doubly stupid from a man who has written Star Trek books.
Jesus, this is stupid
But they're playing chess...
"Neutron decided to be evil, even though they were by definition neutral"
I didn't need this explanation
Don't you bring logic into this
Peter slipped up and had Parcival speak for the audience
Who asked for an explanation of this system earlier? This is your fault
This is as if the light side and dark side of the force were petulant children
And gave themselves like fifteen titles
Oh god there’s eventually going to be a third side called Electron isn’t there
Todd McFarlane wrote something similar in Spawn. It also wasn't very good
Never saw myself siding with Bhodi
There's only one way out, Bhodi. You have a gun. You know what to do
Fuck you
Again, fuck you
So it’s a game..that’s real in space..that actually turns out to still be a game in space
All to sell laser tag
God, I hate this
Really seems like you could just get away with anything during this period of time in publishing
I'm clinging to the idea he's trying to sabotage himself
Maybe
But to start Book 1 with Nazis. You'd almost think that was trying to sabotage it
Except it's the first one, so why agree to it in the first place?
He literally explains that the plot is the same as a very popular, recent movie.
Maybe it was some kind of Monkey's Paw scenario. He wished to write a book series and got this.
He was already writing Star Trek books, though.
Then again, I read his other series Psi-Man and he named a dog Rommel so maybe he's just bad
Maybe he was under contract to write this for as long as it would sell?
The fact that the computers have these names doesn't help
You can bully computers to make them work? That'd be useful
OK, don't start ripping off The Who too
Does MOM sure play a mean pinball?
We need a musical Ape to accurately react to that one
But she IS already one with the machine
This has just been two computer programs fighting each other, which has never been exciting
Command prompt: delete DAD
Bhodi has decided that being a pawn in a cosmic game is A-OK
It's all he's got
because the computer program cried at him
Don't judge. I left ransomware on my computer for months because it begged me to spare its life
These chapter titles suck
Sometimes I load up Starcraft and just watch two computer controlled factions fight. Our protagonists have all the agency of any given zergling.
Same charisma too
They've Lawnmower Manned
Bhodi thinks MOM is the most beautiful woman he's ever seen
Does he want to bang his mom now
They're inside DAD
I thought he was into Tivia of Nivia
So maybe him
Holy shit this is Freudian
What are you doing, step-MOM?
DAD was emotionless at the beginning of this
“DADdy’s home!”
Deadbeat DADs go to some weird places to connect with their kids
“Does this mean my alimony payments go down? More days of visitation mean less child support too!”
"You're with me too, so technically the time they spend with you is still with me!"
Oh, goddammit it's the last Steele book
Is he ending the book soon? Is the next one going to be Bhodi in Pleasantville?
real weird parent stuff
His mom slapping him seemed on point
And his father being disappointed in him
Now his dad and laser tag have turned against him
Dang
I don't know who these people are, but this is excessively violent
I mean, the readers turned on him long ago so this all makes sense
"I WILL BURN THIS SERIES TO THE GROUND! DO YOU HEAR ME!"
Oh, we're doing this for everyone. Great
Baethan's nightmare is that he keeps having to associate with Bhodi
100% on the queen’s side here
Yeah, there's no coming back from that
Trivia from Tivia of Nivia
FUCK YOU MOM, NUNCHUCKS
Hell yes
The most deadly weapon
Peter, talk to your parents
Lizzie the Lizoid
Holy shit
Turns out Baethan is white
Even the mustache was fake? What are you, Baethan?
I don't buy that
I imagine he looks like Kyle Gass without his cyborg parts
KG Soloman 5000?
You don't mess with the Rage Kage
Meanwhile, Pike plays cards with a sweaty guy
Parcival is just a dick
Fuck you, other orphans
Hell yeah Parcival
"Before I go, you should all know your parents said you deserve to be here."
This is psychotic
Jesus
I hope he’s using the royalties to pay for therapy
Don't do this, writers
No matter how many times he wrote it, the word still echoed in Peter David's head
Parcival murdered his way out
Oh shit. Go in your rooms kids. Don’t look him in the eye. MOM loves you
Haha, ten year olds! Always looking for chances to go on a killing spree!
Nothing Oedipal about this
"Who's going through a phase now, DAD?"
You’re not my real DAD!
The Arrians suck
Uh.
Omigod, omigod! Did Dogarr ever have lunch?!
Penetrated is missing a noun
Parcival, 10 years old, not recognizing the humanity of his enemies
Parcival is the only one with any balls here
What have you seen, Parcival? What's behind those eyes?
Everyone else is just like ahhh guess we just gotta die
This is for children
Hahaha Bhodi thinking about Dat Ass
Dat underage ass.
Play laser tag, kids!
Playing laser tag and getting to first base, that’s what high school nerds do
Bhodi Li tries to rescue the human within Mandarr by randomly ripping out wires
The lucky ones, maybe.
Hahaha Jesus
"Well, you tried, Bhodi"
Sure, the Warlord
Mandarr was fine a few minutes ago, Bhodi
Kill your enemies en masse, children
If we ever do a Hot Dawg! Meat-Up can it be laser tag?
Of course
There will be so many casualties
Baethan, you can figure out what an elevator is by the name
Your funeral, Soldarrs. You grabbed the most dangerous one
This has both Star Trek and Wars references
He accidentally called it a phaser
He also referred to disrupters earlier
Peter's done giving a fuck
He certainly has
If Parcival finds him, Pirarr's dead anyway
We're doing footnotes now!?
Lol “see other photon thing for reference”
What is this video game shit
Wait, Hell is right there?
Lol, he has a weak point
Not sure how important this is but FancySharrk is the only one here who can easily take an Arr name
Hahahaha he’s like a Zelda boss
Not saying he is time travel pals with Hitler but FancySharrk definitely is
Jesus, you are such a nerd
Just hit the jewel with the weapon you found in this dungeon.
"Love, buh, wha?"
“Love? Is that some kind of pussy commie emotion?”
Goddammit
Depends on how you’re pronouncing mine
the closet is scawwwy
BTW, he completely gave up on that cosmic game of chess
That is absolutely what I'm saying. I thought I'd be safe behind my human mustache.
You know what, I don't get it. I need at least five examples
Moron
RIP
Lol
Nice job, Bhodi
You've doomed us all
Word a child would know, sure
that may be the most insane pronunciation guidelines I've ever seen
Did they cram two pronunciations together?
MEANWHILE
The sky is bleeding! Play laser tag!
Should have just let the Arrians become the master race I guess
Jesus, he's dumb
"I'm calling you a loser, Bhodi. Is that getting through?"
We have about three pages to resolve this
Do it, Peter David. Burn it all to the ground
Lol the gods wear laser tag gear full time
Neutron is one of those guys
wtfhaxxorcheatr
RIP Dogarr
We hardly knew ye
Farewell, sweet prince. May you go to a place where there is lunch
The only important thing is that Bhodi's not responsible
Oh, FUCK YOU
lol hey guuyyyys
I can't believe this shit
Hahahahhaa
Unreal
lol, holy shit
Fuck you, Peter David
Ahhh we can play multiple games, why didn’t we think of that?
I hope his parents just resume beating the shit out of him
Fuck you
Suck my dick
WHY DID ANY OF THIS HAPPEN
Hooray for the status quo!
“So none of this mattered? Cool. Now let’s play this new game, FarCry 5!”
Peter David: "Got your money, suckers!"
Y'know. For catharsis
The End