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gellaho
It's time to return back to where it all began. We'll begin the journey through the world of Simon Hawke's shortest series: Psychodrome. A book so filled with Hawke/Masters/Yermakov energy that it may require more than one reading. What's it about? Find out this Friday, 5pm Eastern!
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's Simon Hawke's Psychodrome. Here's the preview
Fun Fact: In his first book, Journey from Flesh fire crystals were something people ground up and snorted to get high
In this book, they're just valuable gems
hype slug jakesy
FancyShark
That's disappointing. It'd make more sense to flee from space ninjas by going to a planet filled with space cocaine
hype slug jakesy
Hold on, better cut
gellaho
Shout out to Mississippi
FancyShark
I'm glad they made an arrangement with the author
Chickenfoot
What the hell is a mimeograph
gellaho
A copy
Chickenfoot
Oh 1987 I guess they didn't have scanners then never mind
gellaho
A pre photocopier technology
Read the opening paragraph and let your mind wander
FancyShark
Hallucination sounds too old fashioned
gellaho
Commentary on the military-industrial complex?
FancyShark
Home audience?
gellaho
Psychodrome is a sort of VR game
GDC
Future technology that constantly breaks is a Simon Hawke staple.
FancyShark
ahhh
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I love Simon Hawke
gellaho
This is a really weird concept, but Psychodrome is where "psychos" compete in games either real or imaginary for a viewing audience that experiences it through a VR headset
it's unnecessarily complicated
FancyShark
I genuinely like how he describes playing soldier as a kid
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Musing on the grim realities of video game war compared to schoolyard play
gellaho
Simon Hawke must pontificate on the nature of man
You know, on page 2. Before anything is established
FancyShark
He's going full Kojima
gellaho
Get ready, the ideas are coming fast and loose
GDC
"These are the themes this book is about."
gellaho
Get it, good
hype slug jakesy
So it’s like Photon for adults
FancyShark
And the stakes are a multiplayer achievement/trophy
hype slug jakesy
Instead of MOM, the computer is called MILF
gellaho
While writing, make sure to undermine your ideas
FancyShark
"The world is consumed in a hellish miasma of corruption and twisted entertainment. Whatevs"
gellaho
A truly poor choice of acronym
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
If you are new to Hawke you might think he is just laying the foundation for the "rules" of this world, but a third of these facts will never be relevant again and another third will be directly contradicted
FancyShark
lol
hype slug jakesy
Hmmmm
hype slug jakesy
That’s the best part of Hawke
gellaho
This doesn't come up until later, but there are twists for the "Special Service" officers that is fantastic
FancyShark
The word 'teutonic' being that close to 'SS' has me nervous
gellaho
So, one of these names is the main character. He doesn't bother specifying which
Can you figure it out?
The bright plan is also to jetpack straight at the enemy
FancyShark
O'Toole?
gellaho
Correct
FancyShark
Thanks, gellaho. Thanks loads
I'm assuming Stone Winters is known for being soft?
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I bet Stone Winters body will be described in detail
gellaho
I don't know why it doesn't say "'Thanks, Rudy. Thanks loads,' I said".
gellaho
You bet her ass
Psy-fi, baby
FancyShark
That sounds like a horrible way to be entertained
gellaho
Sweet prank
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
So much scorn for the home audience that couldn't handle playing the videogame like a real man
FancyShark
GASP
Wait, they're suckers for following orders?
gellaho
The main character is a bit of a buffoon
Our hero gracefully shits his pants on page 5
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Ha!
FancyShark
Ah yes, the emplacement dome that every reader will instantly recognize as part of any future VR war simulation
FancyShark
So relatable!
gellaho
If you remember Steele, shades of Project Download
gellaho
This turns out to be real
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
During the broadcast, they censored his pants soiling
FancyShark
So, not full Kojima
gellaho
Great way to start
FancyShark
"Wait, are you killing virgins, Hakim?"
gellaho
Simon Hawke didn't develop his huge black guy archetype until Ice, so instead we get an African American twink
Unfortunately @hype slug jakesy there are no Ice-types in this book
FancyShark
"I ever tell you how much I crush it, O'Toole?" he inquired elegantly
gellaho
Our main character hears leprechauns and archbishops in his head
FancyShark
Haha, yeah. What would any Irish religious practitioners know about guilt?
gellaho
Hears them a lot
FancyShark
"Instinctively, I thought of potatoes"
gellaho
Irish gambler in Tokyo
Owes money to pharaonic man
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
So what are the stakes here? He's trying to settle a debt by... winning the big drome?
FancyShark
"I'm basically a coward, in case you didn't pick up on that when I shit my pants before the plot started"
gellaho
Now: ninjas
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Ok, yes!
gellaho
Kind of, except that the guy he owes money to just wants him dead
hype slug jakesy
Noted Japanese scholar Simon Hawke
FancyShark
Yakuza is a blanket term, not a single organization, Simon
gellaho
But what about in the future?
gellaho
Checkmate, 2425 means accuracy can suck it
FancyShark
ooooohhh daaaaaammmmn
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
This is real, right?
gellaho
Make sure you introduce your main character's full name randomly during a sudden flashback
FancyShark
Russians: They Only Crave Death
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha this owns
gellaho
Oops
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
There it is
FancyShark
Oh hell, this isn't even uncommon?
gellaho
I hope you are enjoying these details about nonregistered people
A concept that never comes back
Registered for what? Who knows
FancyShark
Hawke didn't hear you could just have the MC run away, did he?
gellaho
She's still hot though
hype slug jakesy
Hmmm
gellaho
No joke, every other paragraph of this first chapter is unrelated worldbuilding
FancyShark
"Such a rare beauty. There were thousands like her"
gellaho
Bradbury, Mars. Get it?
Do you get it though?
gellaho
Hope you aren't getting tired of him talking to his ancestors
FancyShark
Hawke's entire research on Ireland was a box of Lucky Charms
hype slug jakesy
Let’s fucking go, time to get drunk and marry another chick
When your only tool is a hammer
gellaho
I almost think this is the best written book I've read of his
Because I think that joke actually works
FancyShark
The scooter line? Yeah, that lands
gellaho
These are also weird flying scooters FYI
His word choices are weird
FancyShark
Huh, that works pretty well too
gellaho
Time to gamble for the bride and in laws
don't think too hard about what the SS pin looks like
FancyShark
:JudgePudge:
It's weird because, aside from the Nazi indications and the annoying Irish/Russian garbage, this is not that bad
gellaho
it's got a DNA helix which is slightly different
gellaho
The leprechaun shit ain't going nowhere
hype slug jakesy
Of course Hakim owns the Pyramid Club
FancyShark
Think he struggled over how to theme his club?
gellaho
This paragraph is gold
hype slug jakesy
Yes
FancyShark
Yes
gellaho
I like this protagonist
He just gives this girl he married while drunk a place to live and money
FancyShark
I'm too used to protagonists in these readings being utter trash. This is refreshing
gellaho
Just giving it away
hype slug jakesy
Also he went on such a heater in illegal poker that he could afford multiple houses
gellaho
This is the most elaborate setup you could imagine
The number of steps it takes for him to get into these games is crazy
Okay, get drunk and accidentally married
FancyShark
Russia: A Choir of Misery
gellaho
Then, win in poker tons of money to give new and soon-to-be ex bride a livelihood
Then get a job
Then get duped by the owned of the casino
FancyShark
Who is clearly a mobster
gellaho
That's certainly complicated
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
"That's certainly very complicated" is a very good summary of how Hawke sets up a story
I love it
gellaho
We ain't done yet
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
This could have all been "O' Toole gets drunk and gets buried in debt after an illegal poker game" but instead we get a totally unnecessary wife with no impact on the narrative
hype slug jakesy
Chekov’s Wife
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
"Totally unnecessary with no impact on the narrative" is another good summary of how Hawke writes
FancyShark
It does show us that he's a decent guy deep down
gellaho
Yadda, Yadda, Yadda. He takes over my legitimate business
gellaho
Then all my money is gone
FancyShark
So we've now gone from "idiot gets blackout drunk in slums" to "natural gambler pulling in real estate"
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Everyone in this town is too damn connected
FancyShark
Hahaha. He's written at least two novel's worth of events in this chapter
gellaho
Oh, and then he gets in Psychodrome through a lottery
So all of that was fairly pointless
oopsie
FancyShark
Hahahaha
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
It's such a roller coaster ride to reach "playing VR war"
FancyShark
No kidding. Bhodi Li just won a bunch of laser tag
gellaho
75% of the world watches Psychodrome
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Oh wow that is so much better than I could have imagined. I guess even a Hawke veteran can be naive enough to believe the path we were on naturally led to Psychodrome
gellaho
Simon Hawke comments on the wealth inequality
FancyShark
I don't know if "people killing each other" caters to every taste
Like, there's bound to be kids that would rather watch Paw Patrol
gellaho
You got wealthy thrill seekers and the poor who facilitate that
Hell, yessssss. Biochips
gellaho
There's one of many Hawkisms
FancyShark
Hoorah
gellaho
It's just the Project Steele stuff from Steele
gellaho
This is the explanation of Psychodrome
Which could be real or fake and is broadcast to VR headsets
FancyShark
Oh god. It's Twitch VR
gellaho
Psychodroids
hype slug jakesy
Project Download lives!
gellaho
Also porn
FancyShark
I was going to say, porn has to be killing it in this world
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Obviously, porn
gellaho
Aw
FancyShark
That's just POV porn with feedback
Dawww
gellaho
The Leprechaun really never ends
FancyShark
Russia: All Is Pain
gellaho
O'Toole runs from fame and ninjas
gellaho
And straight into a scooter gang
FancyShark
Tiger-striped scooter. Fuck yeah
gellaho
I honestly have no idea what he's talking about when he says "sled"
FancyShark
Just more of that future lingo
gellaho
What qualifies as a sled when it's attached to a flying scooter
The biker gang decides to take on the Yakuza
FancyShark
He seems to be using the terms interchangeably
gellaho
You're familiar with the buzz disk, correct? Ok
gellaho
You're familiar with the buzz disk, correct? Ok
Zzzzp-wheeeeeew
FancyShark
"Snikked, not snikt. You hear me, Marvel?"
gellaho
Klunck
FancyShark
Also, hell yes. That's Predator tech
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I don't think the result of a buzzsaw attack is uncannily messy
gellaho
Screamers and derelicts (see also Steele)
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Unless it was pretty clean
hype slug jakesy
Snikked is prime Hawke
gellaho
RIP Honda
gellaho
Mr Roboto
FancyShark
"Don't patronize me, gaijin."
gellaho
Gasp, lady gangster
FancyShark
A single blemish? Uggo
gellaho
Oh, I forgot about this
Lordy
FancyShark
Wait, what? That's the first thing she says after the chase?
gellaho
It's so perfect
FancyShark
hahaha
gellaho
Succinct
FancyShark
"We're married now."
"Goddammit"
gellaho
You know, fuck it
gellaho
Time for chapter 2
We're still in the flashback
FancyShark
lol
Also, I'm pretty sure that's a Chinese belief
gellaho
It's a real weird book
gellaho
Gotta love sex in the filthy corner
FancyShark
Tetanus is for Lovers
hype slug jakesy
Primo Masters
gellaho
He transfers his controlling yakuza properties to the bandits
hype slug jakesy
He’s going through his Asian period here
FancyShark
Wait. Saqqara didn't have control over those before he put out the hit?
gellaho
He's done now
gellaho
Oh, the entire point of this is to have ninjas chase him through the rest of the book
Yer boy's famous
gellaho
Now: New York City baby!
gellaho
Things are going pretty poorly in NYC
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha that whole thing was only 5 days?
FancyShark
The stuff with Kami was. The rest took 5 years, I think?
gellaho
#satire
FancyShark
"Your complementary bath of frying medium is warming now"
gellaho
O'Toole doesn't even own a TV
FancyShark
Wait, who's Stiers?
gellaho
Stone Winters: Pure Unadulterated Sex
gellaho
His public relations guy
gellaho
Also prime ass hat
FancyShark
Hey, Death's into it
gellaho
Breck is a fascinating character
FancyShark
Amputees are evil. Gotcha. Thanks, Hawke
gellaho
He's bioengineered and smokes supertobacco
I won't explain how the SS officers are bioengineered, but it's real weird
FancyShark
Hawke is giving tobacco companies an awful lot of credit
gellaho
What you need to know is that his new partners are so hot
FancyShark
If Breck turns out to not be a nazi, I will be very surprised
gellaho
He's very observant
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I'm a little behind but we're up to two women at this point and both are young or have features like a little girl
FancyShark
Nothing better than having a man explain a woman's character instead of having her do it or showing the reader through narration
gellaho
You need to keep up with these concepts
Biochips, telepathy, downloading knowledge
"adaptability quotient"
FancyShark
"You shit your pants in combat. You are highly adaptable."
gellaho
Fucking Matrix can suck it
gellaho
Mondago was like a literary reference
FancyShark
"Get it? HE'S OLD"
gellaho
And now we're caught up with the prologue
FancyShark
So far, the central plot is...guy avoiding getting killed by ninjas?
gellaho
Sort of. The bandits are going to war with the Yakuza in the background
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
This is all actually well written and interesting and I can't wait until Hawke totally drops the bandit / Yakuza plot without ever resolving anything
gellaho
Their DM shows up in his dream to start the actual plot
gellaho
Legs
FancyShark
Mondago then paused as a voice asked him if he wanted Hot Pockets from the grocery store
hype slug jakesy
I haven’t seen enough lip action yet though
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I was just about to say that.
FancyShark
Oh no. We're edging into Brooke territory
gellaho
What's really, real, man
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Is this early JD? Before he matured into lips as a window into the soul?
gellaho
He had that in his first book
hype slug jakesy
Guess the lips are just moister in…THE PSYCHODROME
FancyShark
I would like him to settle on how his future tech works
gellaho
Ask and ye shall receive
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
YES
hype slug jakesy
Ok ok not bad
gellaho
best of luck with that
Here it comes
FancyShark
I'm not sure I buy that he's unlucky
gellaho
She's turned on by experiencing the world through him
gellaho
NINJA ATTACK
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I'm just happy we aren't still getting the leprechaun and bishop on every page
FancyShark
Ninjas be cock blockin'
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I ask this a lot, but is this real life or in the 'drome
GDC
The Leprechaun and Bishop sounds like a terrible Irish bar.
FancyShark
Oddly, they're a Cajun restaurant
gellaho
FUCKIN NYSTEEL
Woooooooooooooooooooooooooo
FancyShark
Yeaahhh
Now that is how you cyborg arm
gellaho
Is Breck a nysteel cyborg? The answer is yes
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
1000 points to Psychodrome
1000 points and 1000 stars
gellaho
Naked ladies and dead ninjas
FancyShark
Sick? Seems like a fairly standard post-slaughter quip, Stone
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Hawke spent so much time building this decent cyberpunk world and immediately filled it to the brim with ninjas
I love him for it
gellaho
Psychodrome has a lot of mental access
FancyShark
He's doing what any sensible 10-year-old would do
gellaho
Simon Hawke remembers to mention that Stone was a porn star
FancyShark
"She's hot and cool and just so into me, guys"
gellaho
In this world she literally knows how he thinks, so it kind of makes sense
I mean, not really but
FancyShark
Yeah. It does technically mean that she's okay with everything that goes through his brain
gellaho
Lol
FancyShark
uh huh
gellaho
I like that you don't think with your cock, but why won't you fuck me?
Flawless logic
FancyShark
"So, you see, I've totally had sex. Like, lots"
gellaho
What a tremendously fucked up society
FancyShark
Does this mean 75% of the world knows he has leperchauns in his brain?
gellaho
I guess
I was bored: so porn
FancyShark
The logical conclusion
gellaho
Imagine being so horny you need billions of people
FancyShark
I mean, I'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another, but...
gellaho
But, then trying to get yourself killed is the next step?
gellaho
Uh oh
FancyShark
All of this is happening because she knew what he was thinking while shitting his pants in front of 75% of the world
gellaho
Nevermind all that, plot time
gellaho
Just rumbling up to a planet of shapeshifters and eating them
FancyShark
This is no different from how Chik-Fil-A got started
gellaho
Also: telepathic
FancyShark
"Yeah, our brains were filled with screams begging for mercy. Still, drummies!"
GDC
"in our defense, they were delicious."
gellaho
That is sort of the defense
FancyShark
hahaha, no shit?
gellaho
Meanwhile, slaughter time
FancyShark
Smart. You want to wipe out a race, call the SS
gellaho
Then a quarantine
FancyShark
Wait, how did you know you were eating the aliens if they can look like people?
gellaho
Shiny gems
FancyShark
There it is
gellaho
When they were eating them, they looked like cows
Then they started imitating people
FancyShark
Also like cows
GDC
The weird part is, turning into humans didn't stop us from eating them.
gellaho
Word salad
FancyShark
Again, delicious
Hawke, you do know about second drafts, right?
gellaho
Listen, space travel is boring. I don't even know why I'm writing this
FancyShark
Wow. Flipping off a whole genre there
gellaho
So they stop at an SS port off the planet first
So now we can get into their weird genetic engineering
FancyShark
Again Hawke chooses some potentially problematic words
gellaho
Starts off sounding problematic
FancyShark
I wrote too soon
gellaho
Then straight into wacky town
FancyShark
Dolphins: known for stability under pressure
gellaho
Are they part animal? Yes
hype slug jakesy
Hybreeds is a clunky word too
gellaho
It's real weird
I don't know why he includes this, it doesn't factor into anything
FancyShark
He must have not wanted a night of backstory journaling to go to waste
gellaho
I'll get through Chapter 5 tonight. This book is so damn dense
FancyShark
Fuckin' right
gellaho
For example, there's a waterless aquarium inside an asteroid
FancyShark
That seems cruel
gellaho
Asteroids work like pizza dough, right?
FancyShark
Yeah. That's why everyone looks forward to an asteroid careening towards Earth
gellaho
I mean, it doesn't really make a lot of sense
FancyShark
I'm just picturing an aquarium full of fish flopping around on the floor but still able to breathe
gellaho
It's a very elaborate set piece
FancyShark
Don't be a baby, O'Toole. Get close to the swarm of space sharks
gellaho
Simon Hawke contemplates masculinity
FancyShark
Winslow? Oh, you're a dead man, O'Toole
gellaho
Goofy zero-G ninja attack!
FancyShark
Sharks vs ninjas? SHARKS VS NINJAS?!
hype slug jakesy
That’s a hell of an intro
gellaho
I can't believe this assassination didn't work
FancyShark
SHARKS! VERSUS! NINJAS!
@gellaho , I...I think I love you for sharing this
gellaho
Shit himself, might as well vomit
gellaho
FancyShark
Like a hero
gellaho
The protagonist is very open about his biases
FancyShark
"I'm a coward!" "No, I am!" "Nuh uh!"
gellaho
Simon Hawke has ideas
Too many ideas
FancyShark
He should try blogging
gellaho
There's also slavery
gellaho
Will this matter?
FancyShark
Belonging to someone on Fire Island has a different meaning in the future
How many chapters are there to this book?
gellaho
Fire Islands are a libertarian nightmare
gellaho
I got about half of this book left. I thought this was going to need to be a two parter
The book sort of drifts from theme to theme
At this point we're entering the corporate greed section
They're being followed by someone, but whom?
FancyShark
You'd think they'd just kill anyone that can't pay their debts, rather than enslave them and have them continue to drain resources and only potentially turn a profit
gellaho
As this is the halfway mark, it's going to be a mystery until we return to the book
gellaho
That's when they send them down to the planet to try to get a fire crystal
But, yeah, that's the halfway point
I knew that first chapter would take forever when I first read it
hype slug jakesy
It was a dense boi
FancyShark
This one's packed AF
gellaho
Now you can look at the back cover
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
3 for 3...
gellaho
There's Stone and Breck
hype slug jakesy
I’m torn because it’s definitely good Masters. Interesting book. But hasn’t reached the cheesiness level of Steele
gellaho
I have no idea who that guy on the screen who looks like The Vision is
And I've read two of these books
Chickenfoot
It's so crazy to me that anything can get an ISBN number
hype slug jakesy
He’s definitely checking out the chick’s ass, that is prime JD
FancyShark
Mondago?
Chickenfoot
If there's a list of just everything under the ISBN there must just be some insane shit in there
gellaho
That's a high level to achieve
I would say this is probably the best written of his books I've read at least
But, Jagged Steele is still unsurpassed
hype slug jakesy
I love that every woman in these 80s/90s pulp stories is dressed like a sexy aerobics instructor
FancyShark
Spandex shifted ideas of sexy
Chickenfoot
That's probably the only thing most men had to jerk it to back then
hype slug jakesy
Like when JD introduces Ice as the Prime Minister of Hell, that makes you want to run through a wall
I haven’t quite got that out of this book yet
FancyShark
I definitely enjoyed reading and typing sharks vs ninjas
hype slug jakesy
No this is definitely good stuff
FancyShark
Even if that wasn't my avatar and screenname
This book is oddly good. He rambles a lot, but most of this is telling us about the characters or describing something awesome
gellaho
Out of all his books I've read, the Psychodromes are probably the best in terms of actual quality
Also, probably in terms of all the books I've read for this
FancyShark
I'm going to have to look at your archives on the Steele books
gellaho
It's weird because there were only two Psychodrome books until the third was released last year
And there are 12 Time Wars books and that first one sucked
FancyShark
Was he working on the third this whole time, or did he just finally go back to it?
gellaho
I have no idea, he didn't really write during the 2010's
hype slug jakesy
Had to go back and find some Ice to whet my whistle
FancyShark
Hahahahaha
So huge lats are a trope?
gellaho
But yeah, Steele is has way more stuff that is just stupid and unhinged
gellaho
absolutely
Which is why I'm recording the audiobooks
hype slug jakesy
His dark gaze, voice of doom
Magnifique
gellaho
Ice is somehow the most racist, yet best character ever created
I don't know how he threaded that needle
FancyShark
Simon Hawke met a black guy who was one or two inches taller than him and his mind went berserk
hype slug jakesy
gellaho
I didn't know you also had Renegade Steele
hype slug jakesy
It was the last one I purchased
I’m still missing a few in the middle
gellaho
But if you want Steele, here are the archives http://www.gellaho.com/book_series
FancyShark
Gracias
gellaho
Audiobooks http://www.gellaho.com/audio_books
And summary page http://www.gellaho.com/books/steele
Really sums up how I choose to spend my time
FancyShark
And we appreciate it
hype slug jakesy
Unfortunately they are uncaged which can’t be ideal
gellaho
Anyway Psychodrome Part II will be coming sometime. Not sure if I want to do a Hardy Boys or finish this next week
gellaho
At least you have your Renegade Steele sealed for freshness
hype slug jakesy
Yeah that book came in pristine quality
Jagged Steele, not so much
gellaho
Jagged Steele is just naturally quality
O'Toole is sort of a prototype Sgt. Tracy from that book
Especially in Psychodrome II
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
It was a good mix of decent writing but very much dumb enough to have fun with here
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
That was the dude that couldn't turn around without pleasuring / marrying a stripper?
gellaho
Yes
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
JD does good work
gellaho
Psychodrome is weird. I would almost recommend reading it yourself, I feel like it gives the reader a really good sense of who Simon Hawke actually is/was
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Yeah I could see Psychodrome being Steele if Hawke gave less shits and wrote it in 2 months
If it sounds like I'm implying Steele is both better and worse than Psychodrome from this method... yes.
gellaho
Plus the cover for Psychodrome 2 is dope as hell
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I can't wait for Hawke to pull a "Which is the real Stone Winters and which is the clone"
hype slug jakesy
O’toole will be able to tell by grabbing their asses or something
gellaho
If you were wondering, yes, my hands are huge
gellaho
I will reveal nothing
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I pulled the trigger, blasting the Stone doppelganger. Only my Stone Winters licked her lips like that
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Ass or lips for sure
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
@gellaho how much prep do these readings take? It must take a lot of curating to pick the right plus excepts
gellaho
I don't do any preparation. This is all off the dome
This is the first time I read one of the books ahead of time, but I usually only scan the front and back cover
FancyShark
@gellaho just makes it look easy
gellaho
I started doing it completely on accident, so I just kinda kept going
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
It works
gellaho
:rotating_light: BOOK CAGE SPECIAL PRESENTATION :rotating_light: The reading of Simon Hawke's Psychodrome Pt. 2 will be this THURSDAY, July 1st, 5pm eastern. Now that the psychos are on the planet Draconis, will they be able to find a fire crystal?
@Brockway Could I get a pin, pretty please?
I'll be busy on Friday, so I wanted to get this out early
gellaho
gellaho
Psychodrome soon
To summarize:
1) Main character bumblefucks around Japan
2) Accidentally marries girl
3) Gets rich gambling
4) Gets fancy job
5) Gives money and home to wife
6) Loses fancy job and money to Yakuza
7) Yakuza puts out hit on main character
8) Main character stumbles into sex with sexy gangster lady
9) Main character gives ganster all the Yakuza holdings
10) Main character wins lottery to be in Psychodrome
and that was Chapter 1
Chickenfoot
Wait is this about kiryu
FancyShark
This guy doesn't kick as much ass as Kiryu, but he's definitely getting the Kiryu experience
gellaho
I don't know what that is. Don't try to explain it
Chickenfoot
Lmao
gellaho
This is about Arkady O'Toole a very sensible name
FancyShark
Oh right. He's half Irish, half Russian. That mean leprechauns and orthodox priests in his brain
gellaho
And they just escaped an assassination in a waterless aquarium
hype slug jakesy
Psy fi
The fuck out of here Simon
FancyShark
It was Sharks vs Ninjas AKA my new religion
gellaho
Ninja kill must be exciting. For character reasons, not narrative reasons
FancyShark
Masters of stealth must always be flashy
Big Lenny Scientist Javo
FancyShark
STEALTH!
gellaho
Saqqara must kill O'Toole because people might think Saqqara is a bad dude from O'Toole's vibes
hype slug jakesy
Lol the death game that’s also real is afraid of lawsuits
future lawsuits
This tracks with Masters though, like how the national news media and Supreme Court still exist in the end times of the apocalypse
FancyShark
The TOS for linking into it is just a checkbox
Imagine what leaked footage would be like in this world
"EXCLUSIVE: FELT SAD ABOUT GUY"
gellaho
Taunt the ninjas
FancyShark
"Those ninjas had families"
"I'm surprised they could even find people to marry their worthless asses"
gellaho
Monster guns for manly men
gellaho
Nysteel blades for the lady
FancyShark
Should we be reading about Breck checking the action on his arm?
gellaho
Time for the low G arena
gellaho
The Fire Islands seem like a real shit hole
GDC
Isn't the draconis combine a battletech thing?
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on the nature of men and women
FancyShark
Oh god, this is sounding like the Sexercises author
gellaho
O'Toole as a child was a real wet blanket
FancyShark
I like that he admits he wasn't likable
gellaho
This musing is interrupted by the plot
FancyShark
Is this the guy that disappeared from the last Hardy Boys book? The one we thought was Mr. X?
gellaho
Time for some blood sports
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on capitalism
Old Man Brendan
Waaaaaait it's Thursday
hype slug jakesy
I love that nysteel is a thing in this universe too
Old Man Brendan
Nysteel is the tie that binds the multiverse together.
FancyShark
Yeah. gellaho's busy tomorrow so schedule shift this week
gellaho
I'm pretty sure I tagged you in one of the announcements
Old Man Brendan
Is Breck wolverin
FancyShark
Pretty close
gellaho
Breck is beset by a waitress
FancyShark
Breck has wolverine claws in his robo arm
gellaho
He's a bio engineered supersoldier with a nysteel arm
And he has animal DNA
Old Man Brendan
The nysteel goes snikt
gellaho
Legally distinct "snikked"
FancyShark
NO. It goes "snikked". Legal distinction!
hype slug jakesy
Hahaha
FancyShark
lol, too slow
gellaho
Now he's been challenged to a duel
Old Man Brendan
Rudiger Breck, Arkady O'Toole, and Derptan Zgostowika ARE: Rainbow Seven
FancyShark
Also if you missed it: Arkady is half Irish and half Russian. This will only come up roughly every time he introspects
gellaho
We meet the mysterious black clad man
Old Man Brendan
Following the death of Proinsias Dguvashili, the Irish Communist Mercenary Squad is looking for psychodrome work.
FancyShark
Nick Raisin: Self-Loathing Mercenary
gellaho
Cyborg vs Cyborg DEATHMATCH
Old Man Brendan
He became a bankrupt
FancyShark
Stupid impenetrable future slang
Old Man Brendan
Steele took place, what 40 years from when it was written? This is a novel from steele's universe, set 40 years after Steele's present.
gellaho
Beck's cyborg opponent has no human penis
I hope you understand what that means
Old Man Brendan
Can he even be called a man??
hype slug jakesy
All Hawke books take place in the same universe, the existence of nysteel confirms it
Old Man Brendan
He's a computer with wetware torso.
hype slug jakesy
And no human dick. Hence, evil
gellaho
Listen, Hawke, you can make him seem impressive all you want
Old Man Brendan
"where the hell" asks Czer Raisin appropriately
gellaho
But the lack of a dick tells me where this is going
Old Man Brendan
He was made of plastic. Somehow this made him seem like a robot.
hype slug jakesy
I can’t wait for my characters to be made of something stronger than nysteel. GET REKT HAWKE
gellaho
I imagine this zero-G fighting would look very silly
hype slug jakesy
Lol wow
It’s just like the shark fight
FancyShark
Do not blaspheme my religion!
But yeah, this is silly
The battle anthem is probably "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"
gellaho
Right in the robo-face
hype slug jakesy
It’s a battle to the death but TV screensaver rules
FancyShark
"Yaaayyyy! We hate this!"
gellaho
Why am I still alive, you asshole
Old Man Brendan
To the death unless you want to do KO
Ohhhhhhh they're gonna become bros
gellaho
About that
FancyShark
Let's not jump to conclusions
hype slug jakesy
Raisin strikes again
FancyShark
"Mix THIS in your nuts!"
hype slug jakesy
Trail snikks
-shakedownville
(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻
So apropos of nothing, apparently now if you start typing with a / it gives you weird emoji options
FancyShark
huh, weird
hype slug jakesy
I accidentally just discovered this and I have no idea what to do with this knowledge
FancyShark
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
gellaho
Victor Panini
hype slug jakesy
He loves the fake Italian names
gellaho
Just jumping like a kangaroo
FancyShark
gellaho
Apparently a bunch of these elite adventurers used to be pornstars
FancyShark
"Does he fuck like he jumps?"
hype slug jakesy
In the future there is a shortage of real human penis
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
That's why it's so important that Steele keep his
gellaho
Really got off on this jealousy tangent
Old Man Brendan
Raisin, Breck, and O'Toole are indistinguishable.
FancyShark
I think Hawke may be letting some personal stuff in
gellaho
O'Toole is more of a bumbling moron
Just met Raisin, couldn't tell you a whole lot about him
hype slug jakesy
“Have you ever been with Ice, you whore!?”
gellaho
O'Toole comes to a peace about the woman he slept with once
FancyShark
"Does he still love me?"
gellaho
And he remembers that his thoughts are being broadcast
FancyShark
This seems like a really good system for teaching people how not to behave a certain way
Old Man Brendan
Behold, the whore is redeemed by her shame.
gellaho
More implants before they reach the surface of the shapeshifter planet
FancyShark
At least now their owners can be contacted if they get found wandering the streets
Old Man Brendan
Are there entities beyond the gates that are going to pretend to be them or something?
gellaho
Censorship in media for corporate sponsors, whaaaa
FancyShark
Oh right. @Old Man Brendan they were eating cows they thought were animals but were actually shapeshifters
Old Man Brendan
Classic Simon hawke
Were their skeletons made of nysteel?
GDC
No but then the cows shapeshifted into humans to fight them and that didn't stop them from getting eaten.
gellaho
Real BTO fan this Raisin
FancyShark
"That same personage continued 'B-b-b-baby, you ain't seen n-n-n-nothin' yet'"
gellaho
Being followed by the former British porn star
FancyShark
The kangaroo-hopping British pornstar
gellaho
Flying Blind on the Skimmer
Old Man Brendan
Shape shifting livestock is a prude investment. Raise one animal, eat 50.
gellaho
The hermit seems like a really weird choice for a bodyguard
Old Man Brendan
Razin is Han solo
gellaho
Please remember for the rest of the section they're wearing goofy breathing masks
FancyShark
"Don't turn the masks around or they'll siphon all the air from your lungs. Let's go!"
Old Man Brendan
What's the elevation of everest?
gellaho
Volcano. I wonder if anything dramatic is going to happen
FancyShark
29000
gellaho
Seems legit
FancyShark
Looks like they're at the same effective elevation as Kilimanjaro
gellaho
I'm sure you could spend a week climbing out a volcano without food or water
FancyShark
I'm sure they can walk right up to it with no consequence too
gellaho
Remember that a couple fire crystals are apparently enough to live off forever
FancyShark
"And they taste great"
gellaho
Ok, now forget about them completely because they no longer matter
FrozenPie
like a vitamin lollipop
gellaho
Twist O'clock
gellaho
In Simon Hawke's first book fire crystals were highly addictive drugs that were snorted
FancyShark
"And I call that place: Planet Hollywood"
gellaho
He's assimilated all Raisin's... bioplasm?
FancyShark
Wasn't Raisin the guy begging for death earlier?
No, wait, he got shot
gellaho
Raisin is the bald guy who was hired to guard and guide them
The shapeshifter doesn't like the taste of raisins
FancyShark
Not a smart move, reminding people you're delicious
gellaho
The Shapeshifter starts his long ass message to the universe
FancyShark
"Also, we want you to exile the Irish"
gellaho
The shapeshifter claims to understand humans. Then, the shapeshifter threatens the humans with terrorism unless they leave
I don't think they understand
FancyShark
He's still threatening them when there's only one of him
gellaho
Then the Shapeshifter offers a ride
FancyShark
This dude's a little too chill about securing his people's freedom
gellaho
"Eh" :man_shrugging:
FancyShark
"Liberty or whatevs"
gellaho
Simon Hawke muses on the nature of prejudice
FancyShark
oh, oh no
oh, Simon, no no no
You are way out of your depth for this
Old Man Brendan
He's not wrong. There's only one slur and colonialism is the impetus for it.
gellaho
Then he decided to only use the question mark for punctuation
gellaho
The plot interrupts Simon's fifth musing in a row
gellaho
Stone is injured . The shapeshifter lies buried under rock
hype slug jakesy
“Did someone here order a big sausage pizza?” - Cameron
FancyShark
"Dammit, Cameron! Not now!"
gellaho
I guess this common expression did not survive to 2500
Old Man Brendan
Just replace her legs with nysteel. Problem solved
gellaho
Luckily fire crystals are both used in the transmission of Psychodrome and fuck the transmission up
gellaho
As long as she still has the human vagina
Old Man Brendan
Yeah otherwise is she even human?
hype slug jakesy
If she can’t have babies she’s essentially a walking potato
gellaho
O'Toole decides to distract Cameron by walking perilously close to a deadly crevasse
I'm not sure why
FancyShark
Cameron still trying to make things sexy
Old Man Brendan
Mmmm the best dialogue from 1970s action films.
gellaho
Luckily Breck - who I'm pretty sure is the actual protagonist - saves the day
gellaho
After all, he is the one with nysteel
FancyShark
O'Toole hasn't been this heroic since he shit his pants in the prologue
gellaho
Do the night terrors add to the heroism
hype slug jakesy
Nice page
gellaho
Extremely
gellaho
Safe and sound back home
FancyShark
How long were they sitting and staring at him?
gellaho
Or do the mysterious pronouns pronounce doom?
FancyShark
"We're here from the 'cliched Feds' department"
gellaho
Twist time
FancyShark
"The lady that lost both her legs in a storm of violence is dead?!"
gellaho
She was eated by the shapeshifter
FancyShark
I feel like this undermines the shapeshifter's request for a ceasefire
gellaho
A little bit
gellaho
BIOCHIPS are back, baby
FancyShark
This feels like a completely new book. Is his debt paid and the ninjas gone now?
gellaho
we'll get back to it
Time to walk around and find a shapeshifter
gellaho
Genocide, baby
FancyShark
Man, shapshifter really sucks at negotiations
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Holy shit so much happens in this book
FancyShark
Right?
gellaho
The characters agree
gellaho
The first time they went out to search for the shapechanger also turned out to be a "hallucinact" and O'Toole did not react well
I skipped over that
FancyShark
Seems like a terrible way to hunt down an alien and self-declared terrorist
gellaho
The best thing are the friends we made along the way
FancyShark
Saqqara must have an amazing benefits program to have an inexhaustible supply of ninjas
gellaho
The Dark Knight got beaten to the punch by Simon Hawke
FancyShark
lol
gellaho
Simon Hawke mulls on power
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I wish we had an electronic copy of this book so we could search for how many times Hawke says "ninja"
gellaho
Good news: https://www.amazon.com/Psychodrome-Simon-Hawke-ebook/dp/B00PCDTQFA/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=psychodrome&qid=1625182144&sr=8-1
FancyShark
To be fair, I think he's said "assassin" more often than "ninja"
gellaho
The cover is not nearly as good
Cyberpunks!
gellaho
The shapeshifter has turned into a cyberpunk. Wearing a skinjac? I don't know what that is
FancyShark
Oof. Maybe stay away from inventing new slurs
gellaho
ENHANCE
gellaho
I wonder if Steele lived long enough to be in this Strike Force
FancyShark
So one of the biggest stars on the most-watched form of entertainment in the world is dead and only these two are being sent to find her killer?
gellaho
they don't want people to know there's been an invasion
FancyShark
ah, gotcha
gellaho
Psychological warfare
gellaho
FUCK YOU, NINJA TIME
FancyShark
YES
gellaho
Ninjas and Naked Women: The Simon Hawke Story
FancyShark
Always a treat to see masters of stealth at work
gellaho
You thought the shapeshifter messaging was bad before
gellaho
The Draconian has escaped, but we can still receive closure from the ninjas
hype slug jakesy
We got nysteel, we got strike force, this seems like the same universe to me
FancyShark
What year did Steele take place? I want to say this is that world's future
gellaho
You remember Kami? From 190 pages ago?
hype slug jakesy
Konichiwa, bitches
FancyShark
And just like that, Stone is forgotten
gellaho
Steele takes place in 2142
And I only know that because of a tombstone
A lot has been going on in Tokyo too
FancyShark
I think there was some mention of this book being in the year 23XX or later?
Wait, GUILD?!
gellaho
2425
Don't worry about the guild
It's time for ladies
FancyShark
They still go back to banging behind that one filthy crate in an alley
gellaho
"I don't wanna assign labels to it, man. We're both just street people"
gellaho
What a stronghold
gellaho
Barrel fires, of course
FancyShark
Do we have 80's movie bingo yet?
gellaho
Tunnel dwellers from Steele, nice for them to show up
gellaho
This is an unfortunate plan
FancyShark
This is a helluva lot of world building
uh...
gellaho
Next paragraph
hype slug jakesy
I mean Simon Hawke has like 12 ideas and they all resurface in one way or another in every one of his books
gellaho
Not sure why naked was a part of that plan
FancyShark
Because boobs
gellaho
It's important to get naked before gouging out the man's eyes
The final showdown
gellaho
SEPPUKU
FancyShark
Glad O'Toole isn't the only one unsatisfied with this ending
gellaho
Epilogue
gellaho
I'm skipping just so many poker metaphors
But here are the ones at the very end
FancyShark
Has he been talking in gambling metaphors the entire book, or did this just start during the final confrontation?
gellaho
It's kind of the entire prologue
but he was mostly doing the Russian priest/leprechaun thing for the rest of the book
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
Pick a lane O'Toole wasn't your thing a leprechaun who guides you?
gellaho
That was Psychodrome!
FancyShark
Nice job @gellaho !
gellaho
Support your local Simon Hawke, won't you? https://www.amazon.com/Psychodrome-Simon-Hawke-ebook/dp/B00PCDTQFA/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=psychodrome&qid=1625182144&sr=8-1
Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)
I wish he had spent a few pages with his teen wife in the prologue so the book had symmetry in the random ladies that love O'Toole for no reason
gellaho
Somewhat randomly, all Simon Hawke books except Steele are available on Kindle. Including the Star Trek books
FancyShark
Hawke remains a wonderful mystery
Old Man Brendan
Stone does not practice gun safety.
gellaho
I don't know why there are only three Psychodrome books but 14 TimeWars
Old Man Brendan
Well with the time wars you get stuck in a causalityloop
hype slug jakesy
Yeah for some reason Steele is the one property that’s locked away forever
