21: Psychodrome Simon Hawke

FancyShark

He's doing what any sensible 10-year-old would do

gellaho

Simon Hawke remembers to mention that Stone was a porn star

FancyShark

"She's hot and cool and just so into me, guys"

gellaho

In this world she literally knows how he thinks, so it kind of makes sense

I mean, not really but

FancyShark

Yeah. It does technically mean that she's okay with everything that goes through his brain

gellaho

Lol

FancyShark

uh huh

gellaho

I like that you don't think with your cock, but why won't you fuck me?

Flawless logic

FancyShark

"So, you see, I've totally had sex. Like, lots"

gellaho

What a tremendously fucked up society

FancyShark

Does this mean 75% of the world knows he has leperchauns in his brain?

gellaho

I guess

I was bored: so porn

FancyShark

The logical conclusion

gellaho

Imagine being so horny you need billions of people

FancyShark

I mean, I'm sure we've all felt that way at one time or another, but...

gellaho

But, then trying to get yourself killed is the next step?

gellaho

Uh oh

FancyShark

All of this is happening because she knew what he was thinking while shitting his pants in front of 75% of the world

gellaho

Nevermind all that, plot time

gellaho

Just rumbling up to a planet of shapeshifters and eating them

FancyShark

This is no different from how Chik-Fil-A got started

gellaho

Also: telepathic

FancyShark

"Yeah, our brains were filled with screams begging for mercy. Still, drummies!"

GDC

"in our defense, they were delicious."

gellaho

That is sort of the defense

FancyShark

hahaha, no shit?

gellaho

Meanwhile, slaughter time

FancyShark

Smart. You want to wipe out a race, call the SS

gellaho

Then a quarantine

FancyShark

Wait, how did you know you were eating the aliens if they can look like people?

gellaho

Shiny gems

FancyShark

There it is

gellaho

When they were eating them, they looked like cows

Then they started imitating people

FancyShark

Also like cows

GDC

The weird part is, turning into humans didn't stop us from eating them.

gellaho

Word salad

FancyShark

Again, delicious

Hawke, you do know about second drafts, right?

gellaho

Listen, space travel is boring. I don't even know why I'm writing this

FancyShark

Wow. Flipping off a whole genre there

gellaho

So they stop at an SS port off the planet first

So now we can get into their weird genetic engineering

FancyShark

Again Hawke chooses some potentially problematic words

gellaho

Starts off sounding problematic

FancyShark

I wrote too soon

gellaho

Then straight into wacky town

FancyShark

Dolphins: known for stability under pressure

gellaho

Are they part animal? Yes

hype slug jakesy

Hybreeds is a clunky word too

gellaho

It's real weird

I don't know why he includes this, it doesn't factor into anything

FancyShark

He must have not wanted a night of backstory journaling to go to waste

gellaho

I'll get through Chapter 5 tonight. This book is so damn dense

FancyShark

Fuckin' right

gellaho

For example, there's a waterless aquarium inside an asteroid

FancyShark

That seems cruel

gellaho

Asteroids work like pizza dough, right?

FancyShark

Yeah. That's why everyone looks forward to an asteroid careening towards Earth

gellaho

I mean, it doesn't really make a lot of sense

FancyShark

I'm just picturing an aquarium full of fish flopping around on the floor but still able to breathe

gellaho

It's a very elaborate set piece

FancyShark

Don't be a baby, O'Toole. Get close to the swarm of space sharks

gellaho

Simon Hawke contemplates masculinity

FancyShark

Winslow? Oh, you're a dead man, O'Toole

gellaho

Goofy zero-G ninja attack!

FancyShark

Sharks vs ninjas? SHARKS VS NINJAS?!

hype slug jakesy

That’s a hell of an intro

gellaho

I can't believe this assassination didn't work

FancyShark

SHARKS! VERSUS! NINJAS!

@gellaho , I...I think I love you for sharing this

gellaho

Shit himself, might as well vomit

gellaho

FancyShark

Like a hero

gellaho

The protagonist is very open about his biases

FancyShark

"I'm a coward!" "No, I am!" "Nuh uh!"

gellaho

Simon Hawke has ideas

Too many ideas

FancyShark

He should try blogging

gellaho

There's also slavery

gellaho

Will this matter?

FancyShark

Belonging to someone on Fire Island has a different meaning in the future

How many chapters are there to this book?

gellaho

Fire Islands are a libertarian nightmare

gellaho

I got about half of this book left. I thought this was going to need to be a two parter

The book sort of drifts from theme to theme

At this point we're entering the corporate greed section

They're being followed by someone, but whom?

FancyShark

You'd think they'd just kill anyone that can't pay their debts, rather than enslave them and have them continue to drain resources and only potentially turn a profit

gellaho

As this is the halfway mark, it's going to be a mystery until we return to the book

gellaho

That's when they send them down to the planet to try to get a fire crystal

But, yeah, that's the halfway point

I knew that first chapter would take forever when I first read it

hype slug jakesy

It was a dense boi

FancyShark

This one's packed AF

gellaho

Now you can look at the back cover

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

3 for 3...

gellaho

There's Stone and Breck

hype slug jakesy

I’m torn because it’s definitely good Masters. Interesting book. But hasn’t reached the cheesiness level of Steele

gellaho

I have no idea who that guy on the screen who looks like The Vision is

And I've read two of these books

Chickenfoot

It's so crazy to me that anything can get an ISBN number

hype slug jakesy

He’s definitely checking out the chick’s ass, that is prime JD

FancyShark

Mondago?

Chickenfoot

If there's a list of just everything under the ISBN there must just be some insane shit in there

gellaho

That's a high level to achieve

I would say this is probably the best written of his books I've read at least

But, Jagged Steele is still unsurpassed

hype slug jakesy

I love that every woman in these 80s/90s pulp stories is dressed like a sexy aerobics instructor

FancyShark

Spandex shifted ideas of sexy

Chickenfoot

That's probably the only thing most men had to jerk it to back then

hype slug jakesy

Like when JD introduces Ice as the Prime Minister of Hell, that makes you want to run through a wall

I haven’t quite got that out of this book yet

FancyShark

I definitely enjoyed reading and typing sharks vs ninjas

hype slug jakesy

No this is definitely good stuff

FancyShark

Even if that wasn't my avatar and screenname

This book is oddly good. He rambles a lot, but most of this is telling us about the characters or describing something awesome

gellaho

Out of all his books I've read, the Psychodromes are probably the best in terms of actual quality

Also, probably in terms of all the books I've read for this

FancyShark

I'm going to have to look at your archives on the Steele books

gellaho

It's weird because there were only two Psychodrome books until the third was released last year

And there are 12 Time Wars books and that first one sucked

FancyShark

Was he working on the third this whole time, or did he just finally go back to it?

gellaho

I have no idea, he didn't really write during the 2010's

hype slug jakesy

Had to go back and find some Ice to whet my whistle

FancyShark

Hahahahaha

So huge lats are a trope?

gellaho

But yeah, Steele is has way more stuff that is just stupid and unhinged

gellaho

absolutely

Which is why I'm recording the audiobooks

hype slug jakesy

His dark gaze, voice of doom

Magnifique

gellaho

Ice is somehow the most racist, yet best character ever created

I don't know how he threaded that needle

FancyShark

Simon Hawke met a black guy who was one or two inches taller than him and his mind went berserk

hype slug jakesy

gellaho

I didn't know you also had Renegade Steele

hype slug jakesy

It was the last one I purchased

I’m still missing a few in the middle

gellaho

But if you want Steele, here are the archives http://www.gellaho.com/book_series

FancyShark

Gracias

gellaho

Audiobooks http://www.gellaho.com/audio_books

And summary page http://www.gellaho.com/books/steele

Really sums up how I choose to spend my time

FancyShark

And we appreciate it

hype slug jakesy

Unfortunately they are uncaged which can’t be ideal

gellaho

Anyway Psychodrome Part II will be coming sometime. Not sure if I want to do a Hardy Boys or finish this next week

gellaho

At least you have your Renegade Steele sealed for freshness

hype slug jakesy

Yeah that book came in pristine quality

Jagged Steele, not so much

gellaho

Jagged Steele is just naturally quality

O'Toole is sort of a prototype Sgt. Tracy from that book

Especially in Psychodrome II

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

It was a good mix of decent writing but very much dumb enough to have fun with here

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

That was the dude that couldn't turn around without pleasuring / marrying a stripper?

gellaho

Yes

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

JD does good work

gellaho

Psychodrome is weird. I would almost recommend reading it yourself, I feel like it gives the reader a really good sense of who Simon Hawke actually is/was

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

Yeah I could see Psychodrome being Steele if Hawke gave less shits and wrote it in 2 months

If it sounds like I'm implying Steele is both better and worse than Psychodrome from this method... yes.

gellaho

Plus the cover for Psychodrome 2 is dope as hell

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

I can't wait for Hawke to pull a "Which is the real Stone Winters and which is the clone"

hype slug jakesy

O’toole will be able to tell by grabbing their asses or something

gellaho

If you were wondering, yes, my hands are huge

gellaho

I will reveal nothing

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

I pulled the trigger, blasting the Stone doppelganger. Only my Stone Winters licked her lips like that

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

Ass or lips for sure

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

@gellaho how much prep do these readings take? It must take a lot of curating to pick the right plus excepts

gellaho

I don't do any preparation. This is all off the dome

This is the first time I read one of the books ahead of time, but I usually only scan the front and back cover

FancyShark

@gellaho just makes it look easy

gellaho

I started doing it completely on accident, so I just kinda kept going

Silver Cyborg Greg (a wizard)

It works

gellaho

:rotating_light: BOOK CAGE SPECIAL PRESENTATION :rotating_light: The reading of Simon Hawke's Psychodrome Pt. 2 will be this THURSDAY, July 1st, 5pm eastern. Now that the psychos are on the planet Draconis, will they be able to find a fire crystal?

@Brockway Could I get a pin, pretty please?

I'll be busy on Friday, so I wanted to get this out early

gellaho

gellaho

Psychodrome soon

To summarize:

1) Main character bumblefucks around Japan

2) Accidentally marries girl

3) Gets rich gambling

4) Gets fancy job

5) Gives money and home to wife

6) Loses fancy job and money to Yakuza

7) Yakuza puts out hit on main character

8) Main character stumbles into sex with sexy gangster lady

9) Main character gives ganster all the Yakuza holdings

10) Main character wins lottery to be in Psychodrome

and that was Chapter 1

Chickenfoot

Wait is this about kiryu

FancyShark

This guy doesn't kick as much ass as Kiryu, but he's definitely getting the Kiryu experience

gellaho

I don't know what that is. Don't try to explain it

Chickenfoot

Lmao

gellaho

This is about Arkady O'Toole a very sensible name

FancyShark

Oh right. He's half Irish, half Russian. That mean leprechauns and orthodox priests in his brain

gellaho

And they just escaped an assassination in a waterless aquarium

hype slug jakesy

Psy fi

The fuck out of here Simon

FancyShark

It was Sharks vs Ninjas AKA my new religion

gellaho

Ninja kill must be exciting. For character reasons, not narrative reasons

FancyShark

Masters of stealth must always be flashy

Big Lenny Scientist Javo

FancyShark

STEALTH!

gellaho

Saqqara must kill O'Toole because people might think Saqqara is a bad dude from O'Toole's vibes

hype slug jakesy

Lol the death game that’s also real is afraid of lawsuits

future lawsuits

This tracks with Masters though, like how the national news media and Supreme Court still exist in the end times of the apocalypse

FancyShark

The TOS for linking into it is just a checkbox

Imagine what leaked footage would be like in this world

"EXCLUSIVE: FELT SAD ABOUT GUY"

gellaho

Taunt the ninjas

FancyShark

"Those ninjas had families"

"I'm surprised they could even find people to marry their worthless asses"

gellaho

Monster guns for manly men

gellaho

Nysteel blades for the lady

FancyShark

Should we be reading about Breck checking the action on his arm?

gellaho

Time for the low G arena

gellaho

The Fire Islands seem like a real shit hole

GDC

Isn't the draconis combine a battletech thing?

gellaho

Simon Hawke muses on the nature of men and women

FancyShark

Oh god, this is sounding like the Sexercises author

gellaho

O'Toole as a child was a real wet blanket

FancyShark

I like that he admits he wasn't likable

gellaho

This musing is interrupted by the plot

FancyShark

Is this the guy that disappeared from the last Hardy Boys book? The one we thought was Mr. X?

gellaho

Time for some blood sports

gellaho

Simon Hawke muses on capitalism

Old Man Brendan

Waaaaaait it's Thursday

hype slug jakesy

I love that nysteel is a thing in this universe too

Old Man Brendan

Nysteel is the tie that binds the multiverse together.

FancyShark

Yeah. gellaho's busy tomorrow so schedule shift this week

gellaho

I'm pretty sure I tagged you in one of the announcements

Old Man Brendan

Is Breck wolverin

FancyShark

Pretty close

gellaho

Breck is beset by a waitress

FancyShark

Breck has wolverine claws in his robo arm

gellaho

He's a bio engineered supersoldier with a nysteel arm

And he has animal DNA

Old Man Brendan

The nysteel goes snikt

gellaho

Legally distinct "snikked"

FancyShark

NO. It goes "snikked". Legal distinction!

hype slug jakesy

Hahaha

FancyShark

lol, too slow

gellaho

Now he's been challenged to a duel

Old Man Brendan

Rudiger Breck, Arkady O'Toole, and Derptan Zgostowika ARE: Rainbow Seven

FancyShark

Also if you missed it: Arkady is half Irish and half Russian. This will only come up roughly every time he introspects

gellaho

We meet the mysterious black clad man

Old Man Brendan

Following the death of Proinsias Dguvashili, the Irish Communist Mercenary Squad is looking for psychodrome work.

FancyShark

Nick Raisin: Self-Loathing Mercenary

gellaho

Cyborg vs Cyborg DEATHMATCH

Old Man Brendan

He became a bankrupt

FancyShark

Stupid impenetrable future slang

Old Man Brendan

Steele took place, what 40 years from when it was written? This is a novel from steele's universe, set 40 years after Steele's present.

gellaho

Beck's cyborg opponent has no human penis

I hope you understand what that means

Old Man Brendan

Can he even be called a man??

hype slug jakesy

All Hawke books take place in the same universe, the existence of nysteel confirms it

Old Man Brendan

He's a computer with wetware torso.

hype slug jakesy

And no human dick. Hence, evil

gellaho

Listen, Hawke, you can make him seem impressive all you want

Old Man Brendan

"where the hell" asks Czer Raisin appropriately

gellaho

But the lack of a dick tells me where this is going

Old Man Brendan

He was made of plastic. Somehow this made him seem like a robot.

hype slug jakesy

I can’t wait for my characters to be made of something stronger than nysteel. GET REKT HAWKE

gellaho

I imagine this zero-G fighting would look very silly

hype slug jakesy

Lol wow

It’s just like the shark fight

FancyShark

Do not blaspheme my religion!

But yeah, this is silly

The battle anthem is probably "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"

gellaho

Right in the robo-face

hype slug jakesy

It’s a battle to the death but TV screensaver rules

FancyShark

"Yaaayyyy! We hate this!"

gellaho

Why am I still alive, you asshole

Old Man Brendan

To the death unless you want to do KO

Ohhhhhhh they're gonna become bros

gellaho

About that

FancyShark

Let's not jump to conclusions

hype slug jakesy

Raisin strikes again

FancyShark

"Mix THIS in your nuts!"

hype slug jakesy

Trail snikks

-shakedownville

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

So apropos of nothing, apparently now if you start typing with a / it gives you weird emoji options

FancyShark

huh, weird

hype slug jakesy

I accidentally just discovered this and I have no idea what to do with this knowledge

FancyShark

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

gellaho

Victor Panini

hype slug jakesy

He loves the fake Italian names

gellaho

Just jumping like a kangaroo

FancyShark

gellaho

Apparently a bunch of these elite adventurers used to be pornstars

FancyShark

"Does he fuck like he jumps?"

hype slug jakesy

In the future there is a shortage of real human penis

Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred

That's why it's so important that Steele keep his

gellaho

Really got off on this jealousy tangent

Old Man Brendan

Raisin, Breck, and O'Toole are indistinguishable.

FancyShark

I think Hawke may be letting some personal stuff in

gellaho

O'Toole is more of a bumbling moron

Just met Raisin, couldn't tell you a whole lot about him

hype slug jakesy

“Have you ever been with Ice, you whore!?”

gellaho

O'Toole comes to a peace about the woman he slept with once

FancyShark

"Does he still love me?"

gellaho

And he remembers that his thoughts are being broadcast

FancyShark

This seems like a really good system for teaching people how not to behave a certain way

Old Man Brendan

Behold, the whore is redeemed by her shame.

gellaho

More implants before they reach the surface of the shapeshifter planet

FancyShark

At least now their owners can be contacted if they get found wandering the streets

Old Man Brendan

Are there entities beyond the gates that are going to pretend to be them or something?

gellaho

Censorship in media for corporate sponsors, whaaaa