10: Psi-Man: Mind-Force Warrior David Peters

gellaho

:rotating_light: BOOK CAGE SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT :rotating_light:

Lanch Torgo

icy spicy jakesy

Let’s fucking go!

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

prophetic

gellaho

This Psi-Man Day we will be reading David Peters'/Peter David's seminal work PSI-MAN. Meet Simon: the Mind-Force Warrior on Monday (3/22), 5pm Eastern!

@Brockway can I get a pin for this holiday we will celebrate forever more?

gellaho

As it was foretold

Brockway

For that confident handshake? Hell yeah

gellaho

I have been waiting for this for a while

Lanch Torgo

yeah, if I was interviewing PSI-MAN for a job, he'd be hired

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

are we taking a bye week on the book cage?

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Special Monday Prophecy edition

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Video announcement!

Good, I was gardening and the sun tricked me into missing 5pm

back to editing The Wacky Adventures of Colt Blacke, Robotman

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Oh I didnt know you were an elderly lesbian Brendan

gellaho

Psi-Man compels me to read on Monday

gellaho

Happy Psi-Man Day Everyone! I hope you are ready for the festivities to begin tonight at 5pm eastern. We will be introduced to Chuck Simon the Psi-Man in just under two hours.

gellaho

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Murder by Mind Force

Harvey Penguini 🐧

always laughing at the Disneyland Cast Member point

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

I assume the dog's face is crooked because the artist wanted him to look the same direction as good ol' Chuck, but he only had one reference photo.

GnomePickles

I chose to believe that the dog is the psi-man. He just uses hypnotic powers to make people think he is a dog to avoid charges for his long list of crimes.

gellaho

The dog has a very unfortunate name

GnomePickles

I am afraid to ask, but I have never needed a piece of information more.

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

I'm so happy to finally follow one of these live

gellaho

GnomePickles

In one paragraph I have so many questions. Most of them are just variations of, "fucking what and why?"

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Wow this is some great writing

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Wait he is named Rommel because he has an SS pattern on his fur?

gellaho

I guess so

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Wait is this book going to have secret nazi shit?

Oh god I'm so nervous now

GnomePickles

The psychics they run into quickly refuse to read the dogs mind becuase it's all just Hitler speaches.

JCantrell, Alpacaman

The dog insists he's just worried about his heritage and culture, and prefers the term "alt right"

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

I can't think of anything more on the nose than naming a German Shepherd with SS fur after a Nazi war criminal. It's like I just watched the concept of metaphors die.

gellaho

Oh, the 7th Steele book killed that for me

GDC

Or is this just the sort of thing where a wizard put the ghost of hitler into a german shepherd body?

GnomePickles

I keep starting jokes and they just start killing the bit of my soul that still feels jou

Joy*

JCantrell, Alpacaman

That dog is definitely a huge gamer, all I'm gonna say

icy spicy jakesy

Wait til you meet his cook, Pole Pot, named after the giant cauldrons in which he makes his stews

gellaho

This is excellent, no notes

GnomePickles

If I may be Franko, that was pretty darn good.

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Can you imagine how indecipherable today's equivalent would be to someone from even 5 years ago? "MyPillow Q. Trump waited outside the pizza restaurant. He felt chills knowing the Jews were drinking babies' terror blood, but knew he was the only one who could stop it."

PowerThrills

That reads like an Alt-Right "Ready Player 1/2"

But better written

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Damning with faint praise there. I don't know whether to thank you or kick your ass.

gellaho

David Peters is apparently a pseudonym of Peter David, a guy who wrote comic books people like. See this alternative (worse) cover

icy spicy jakesy

I’m already suspecting between the Rommel thing and the pen name, Peter is not an Ideas Guy

gellaho

Under one hour 'til Simon says die

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Great pen name

Scum F**k Flamefish

thought it was piss man for a second

ProseAndKahn

Ready Player 1/2 is the prequel Cline will write when he needs money

icy spicy jakesy

Oh no

JCantrell, Alpacaman

I think there's just a list of dudes I genuinely hate that have come up, zach snyder, ernest cline and this discord taught me how much I hate brooke mceldowney and simon hawke

icy spicy jakesy

If anything this discord has made me love Simon Hawke

But I agree on the others

Like would a non-badass writer be able to put this out?

PowerThrills

I was going to say "So expect it soon," but he's depressingly successful.

gellaho

Jagged Steele is a masterpiece

gellaho

I'd wait until you read Cold Steele

icy spicy jakesy

I’m dreading it now, I think I blew my proverbial Hawke wad when I went for the good book first

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

WTF is "mental force"? I'm assuming it will in no way be satisfyingly explained in the book.

gellaho

I'm assuming vague psychic powers

JCantrell, Alpacaman

What's to explain, it's force your mind makes

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

MIND BULLETS

JCantrell, Alpacaman

What In there is frustratingly vague or stupid sounding?

gellaho

OK, JB

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

It's unclear from the excerpt if his mind powers telekinetically move him or compel the other person's mind to do what he wants.

I assume it does both depending on what the plot requires.

gellaho

He controls the dog, I think

icy spicy jakesy

Yeah I’m going to guess this is one of those powers that change based on how the plot is moving forward

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Shit, he's stuck with no escape..umm, he can psychically go into the internet! Good save David/Peter.

JCantrell, Alpacaman

See I don't have an issue with piers being left a bit vague because a series of tedious rules for magic devices bore me, on the other hand some limits might make the stakes more clear

GnomePickles

As long as the rules are consistent and the author pays attention to how their world works

gellaho

The first half takes place on October 12, 2021. And the second half (of course) takes place today

icy spicy jakesy

It feels like there’s going to be a lot of “and X happens because it’s psychic magic, fuck you”

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

wait

icy spicy jakesy

Which is fine for a book like this

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

why does the second half happen before the first

JCantrell, Alpacaman

I mean I come down hard on excessive lore building and rules but I don't feel like restarting that argument today

gellaho

Excellent question

I guess the last 10 pages are October 13th

icy spicy jakesy

Heh, look at Javo here thinking things like the linear passage of time mean anything to PSI-MAN

GnomePickles

His powers allow him to journey through time, hoping to one day come across a period where naming his dog Rommel doesn't cause people to great him with an ass kicking.

gellaho

Wtf is a cover art consultant

GnomePickles

A way for a vanity publishing house to charge an extra 49.99 would be my guess

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

I agree. I'd much rather the answer be "the writer kinda sucks" than some complicated retcon. But I do think a basic framework has to be established, even if the intention is for it to be broken later.

ProseAndKahn

More research went into the cover art than the rest of the book combined

GnomePickles

Now see we have to make him into an orange cloud cause orange is really in with the fans of telepathic murder and Nazi dogs

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Yeah I tend not to like grasping at internal explainations for bad writing. My go to explainations is "the writer sucks" for dumb shit or mistakes

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Someone got screwed over there. "German shepherds have glowing yellow eyes with no pupils, right?" "Yes, that'll be $1,000."

icy spicy jakesy

Maybe the self defense consultant drew the dog and the canine consultant drew Psi-man

gellaho

Simon's using his psychic skills to control the Nazi dog

icy spicy jakesy

Mix it up a little bit

Keep em guessing

ProseAndKahn

To be fair, if someone asked me to consult on a book cover about a psychic nazi dog I’d probably demand $1000 too

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

There is no dog. Simon put it into all our minds.

ProseAndKahn

Like, maybe the consultants were just fucking with him?

Also, why does the unstoppable psychic killer need martial arts

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

I love everything about this

gellaho

I need to remember that his name is Chuck Simon. So when he does the "Simon says" thing, he's referring to himself in the third person by last name

Which is a very normal thing for people to do

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

When was this written? Because if it's anytime after 1985, a Simon Says reference is dad-joke level anachronistic.

gellaho

October 1990

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Its not Simon Says

Its PSY MAN SAYS

ProseAndKahn

Oh fuck

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

oh fuck him and his cute wordplay

ProseAndKahn

It’s dad jokes all the way down

icy spicy jakesy

There are going to be so many stupidly named things in this universe, I can feel it

Should we take bets on what the mob guys last name is going to be?

I have money on Tony Gambini, Tony Corleone, or Tony Soprano (if by some accident he’s actually a psychic)

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Coppola or Pacino since it seems like he's that kind of hack

gellaho

I forgot that I usually do these, so here's your hastily thrown together READ poster

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

that works

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Rad

Ferroday, Priestess of Evillak

oh how cute, @Lanch Torgo got his own poster

psi-man right? the thing we think is likely written by Peter David due to a lazy pseudonym?

gellaho

This alternate cover confirms it

Ferroday, Priestess of Evillak

it's at least going to be entertaining

Peter David's a pretty good writer

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

The problem with Peter David as a psuedonym is now I forget which one is the real one

Ferroday, Priestess of Evillak

Peter David is his real name insofar as I know, or at least it's the name he uses the most

icy spicy jakesy

“Psi-man moistened his lips psychically”

Nailed it

gellaho

My problem is that there are now too many Simons for me to keep track

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

you need a simple simon

gellaho

JCantrell, Alpacaman

To say what you've done

when I was just nine years old I swear that I dreamt

gellaho

Alright, starting at the circus. Peter was optimistic about the future of traveling circuses

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Big in 2021: traveling circuses

Lanch Torgo

weren't travelling circuses all but extinct when this was written?

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

If they weren't dead, they damn sure didn't go to small towns anymore.

icy spicy jakesy

Oh man if you thought Hawke loved his commas, it looks like Peter took that personally

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

imagine being given the opportunity to imagine the world 30s year in the future and he goes with "traveling circuses"

icy spicy jakesy

These recent future books that imagine today’s world in like 1990 are inadvertently hilarious when they do things like forget that cell phones exist

gellaho

What do you mean, "apparently in his late twenties"

You're the author

icy spicy jakesy

The gift of a profound breaking you say

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Just the most generic-ass handsome man description you can imagine.

JCantrell, Alpacaman

Goddamn hipsters brought them back like record players

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

a blonde dudes who grows a natural jet black beard

gellaho

This nerd with his five head

icy spicy jakesy

Psychic guy has big head, news at 11

gellaho

not seeing it

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Why is his forehead shiny? If you're self-conscious of your noggin, don't fucking polish it.

icy spicy jakesy

That’s what happens when you get dog experts to draw your psi people

Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD

mine's shiny and i don't polish it

some bitches just greasy

gellaho

He's got a lady friend. I'm sure things will go well for her

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Chuck McPsychic never fucks without commitmment

gellaho

Harry the lion tamer wants a sex bet

Chuck Simon uses his psychic power to help her cheat at the hand

icy spicy jakesy

Love that future bitches still dress like extras in Saved by the Bell

gellaho

He lets a girl scout win a prize at the carnival booth he runs using his psychic powers. Which is supposed to make me like him, I think, but he named his dog Rommel

Dr. Mithras

Oh yeah. Do they say why?

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

he has an SS mark on his head

icy spicy jakesy

There’s definitely going to be some throwaway line about it like “say what you want about Rommel but he was a good military strategist!”

gellaho

A dog that goes straight to murder and sass

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

Oh shit. Talking dog best friend. I will have no more snark.

Lanch Torgo

"Aww, what a cute dog!"

"I crave the blood of the corrupt!"

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

oh my god

the dog talks

the dog talks people

GDC

talking murder dog!

icy spicy jakesy

Did he...choose his own name then?

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

That’s just what I was wondering

gellaho

OK, this is hilarious

something had changed in the lion tamer/lion relationship

icy spicy jakesy

Lol amazing

Like if you had a corporate consultant in charge of your circus. That’s what they would call it

gellaho

Psychic lockpicking

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

I AM ARRIVED synopsize in one sentence the wonders of the Psi-Man

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

If its already established he can mind link with animals why not just calm down the lion

icy spicy jakesy

Man with Nazi dog hangs out at the circus in 2021. So far

gellaho

I guess he can't communicate with the Lions. But he can throw them

Lanch Torgo

something huge and ugly

gellaho

I think you lost your cover, Chuck

Lanch Torgo

how many more lion/lion tamer relationships will Frankenstein's monster ruin?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Also doubles as a recurring political headline.

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

wait

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

What good is psi power if you need to do grand gestures?

gellaho

He also had force jump

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

he can use his psychic powers to have super strength?

Thats lazy

even for him

gellaho

somebody keeping track of these powers?

icy spicy jakesy

I’m going to guess they’ll completely change based on the situation

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

I think he just added a few hundred pounds of pull to the lat row he was doing so he didn't hemorrhage

Lanch Torgo

Psi-Man is a Jedi, got it

gellaho

I guess the dog can speak lion

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Two pages in and I am already so fucking on board

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

The dog ALSO has psi powers

Lanch Torgo

oh shit, the lions are Jewish

gellaho

Hey, Chuck, I think you lost plausibility when you used your mind to throw lions and jump twenty feet

gellaho

Everything is huge and ugly

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

somewhat chewed

only marginally masticated

a little whiff of the nibbles

Lanch Torgo

it's just a little love bite

gellaho

Dog Detective Rommel

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

...The dog talks like a grizzled detective?

gellaho

Time to go back to September

You guys remember September?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

I was riding high that week.

John, Servant of Yag-Kosha

I like the implicit judgment of Dakota for assuming a man would speak to her rather than his dog

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Making money, eating cake, freshly back from the beach.

I didn't even tell any dogs I was going, just shut off my psi-powers

Lanch Torgo

I wonder if Psi-Man remembers the 21st night of September

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

Oh E Oh... Tell me do you remember... Oh E Oh Getting Powers in September Oh E Oh... Then we met a talking dog...

gellaho

What

Lanch Torgo

"That's weird, I don't usually wake up in bed when I get blackout drunk"

Dr. Mithras

My favourite part so far is when he pulled a lion's tail, using psi power augmentation

gellaho

The wacky hijinks of Psi-Man

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Fun fact, Chuck Simon is actually protagonist Simon Chuck existing under a pseudonym.

Dr. Mithras

Is he a teacher?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

The lesson is PAIN.

icy spicy jakesy

It’s either school or work, psi man

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

POP QUIZ: Defend yourself!

Dr. Mithras

He irons his shirts with his mind.

gellaho

Well, you got one thing right Pete

gellaho

Chuck's shower is sick and needs pills

Dr. Mithras

Is that a calcium thing?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

He needs the help of a pyrokinetic though.

Dr. Mithras

Do you think his dog is the actual reincarnation of Rommel

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Most likely yeah

Dr. Mithras

No dont

Leave it as it is.

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Rommel you sonofabitch--oh I guess you are.

Dr. Mithras

I had to Google how Rommel died.

gellaho

Does this anti-pollution device create carbon monoxide?

Dr. Mithras

World building.

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Probably a capture filter like clean coal uses

Illithid Can Suck My Nuts Javo

So once again we have a Simon-esque apocalpyse in which the world is collapsing and yet also pretty ok and there are traveling circuses

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Nothing would break my worldview more than to find out Hawke = Peter David

Dr. Mithras

Wait, is there supposed to be an apocalypse

icy spicy jakesy

Is there even a supposed apocalypse? Or is the world just shitty

icy spicy jakesy

This was my first thought but I think we may have actually avoided that. For instance, I have no idea who’s lips are moist

Dr. Mithras

Let's ask the real question, is there a large black man with a cartoon waist?

gellaho

Chuck's a pollution narc

Dr. Mithras

What is this anti anti pollution big government bullshit.

gellaho

Hey look, a new Higgins

gellaho

"pacificts" - solid copy editing

icy spicy jakesy

Hog Higgins, menace of the Quakers

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Oh to live in the apocalypse where the government rushes to imperfect solutions for pollution.

icy spicy jakesy

He just really loves the ocean; a pacificst

Dr. Mithras

He's a psychic football coach?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

No no no, Pacific Saints are an integral part of this world.

Dr. Mithras

buh

They didn't make him a fucking crime fighter?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Educating our youth prevents more crimes than Batman stops in a year.

gellaho

RIP Seattle

icy spicy jakesy

The pay for a football coach is much better

Oh shit there is an apocalypse

Dr. Mithras

Ooh this is such Hawke bullshit. Were they roommates

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

I don't like this apocalypse, please bring back the bio-mutants

icy spicy jakesy

But it’s just like, crumbling infrastructure and global warming

The most boring apocalypse possible

Dr. Mithras

Where is this set?

gellaho

How do you write something like this without realizing how ridiculous it is

icy spicy jakesy

Hahahaha

gellaho

Right now, we are in LeQuier, Ohio

Dr. Mithras

Aren't Quaker pacifist and Amish just technophobe?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Shaker, that's your sweet spot in the middle to aim for.

Dr. Mithras

Big ash cloud.

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

The ash from Seattle this summer hazed NYC so thoroughly I could stare into the sun no problem.

Dr. Mithras

Fair enough.

gellaho

What am I supposed to be feeling from this?

Am I supposed to be like, "Oh hell yeah, environmentalism"

Dr. Mithras

Oh yeah Psi man Jujitsu holds

gellaho

This has strong Captain Planet energy

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Why didn't he just psychically massage the driver's dick until the guy was extremely uncomfortable assaulting anyone?

Why is pain always the first choice of madmen?

Who writes the rules that say we serve tea to our loved ones?

gellaho

Aikido!

Dr. Mithras

I've just realised I would just be constantly psychically masturbating

gellaho

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Thank you for listening to these lyrics to my anime theme song about two giant robots.

Dr. Mithras

Hang on, is Rommel psychic or is Psi man insane?

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Steven Seagal absolutely has half a script called CHI-MAN crumpled under his left tit.

Dr. Mithras

The man of Chai Tea

gellaho

God, save me from this flirting

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Linda strolled attractively.

Dr. Mithras

Oh fuck this. Fuck this writing. I know we read it because it's bad, but fuck them and they're godawful who cares bullshit. Just 4 million pages of flirting with made up fantasy women then an act of justified violence

gellaho

Did pages from a different book get tossed in here

icy spicy jakesy

God forbid her skin is browner than you remember

Did Rommel tell you to say that

Old Man Brendan, Dancing Fool

Introduce me to the woman who can make a denim skirt swish while she strolls slowly, please.