Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Also panicking because that person might be a woman.
128: The Shores of Kansas Robert Chilson
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The mind-boggling epic adventure of a time-traveler torn between two nbightmare world
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Velo, Electric Ghost
Can't, Martin fired the therapist
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Grant not beating the incel charges.
Velo, Electric Ghost
You know how women are, always disturbing the quiet of the Mesozoic era to talk about bison
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
i bet Mesozoic bison were cool and Grant just doesnt wanna think about it.
FancyShark
Are you the expert, Grant? Because humanity's distant ancestors managed to survive to present day without you just fine.
gellaho
Damn you, sexy woman!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
So Grant, world's greatest time genius, hasn't managed to catch a single live specimen?
Ah ok just not for months
FancyShark
This is the same reason Grant doesn't have kids
anymore
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Its more fun to kill prehistoric rats.
gellaho
Double domes
Velo, Electric Ghost
"I'd have brought back a bison."
"Damn it Marian we don't need more bison!"
FancyShark
Nice try, Shackelford. But fancy animals are not so easily won over.
Unless you have snacks
gellaho
DAMN THESE SEXY DAMES
FancyShark
Well, his ax
Velo, Electric Ghost
"Grant and his ax were one of the greatest sex symbols of the age."
Velo, Electric Ghost
Just going to put Robert Chilson here
gellaho
AND DAMN YOU MOST OF ALL, PARKING LOT
Velo, Electric Ghost
Grant is about to time travel due to sheer impotent rage
I'm so excited
I love this book so much
It's such a direct "fuck you" to the reader on every page
Grant go do inventory
Find out exactly how much quality card stock Martin keeps in the supply closet
gellaho
Grant talks to his dad about taint
FancyShark
The audacity is incredible
Velo, Electric Ghost
"Have you considered giving up hunting dinosaurs to sell cars?"
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Fuuuuuuuuuck just time travel back into the mesozoic and never come back.
Problem solved.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Can't, no ice cream
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
He can learn to make it with local ingredients.
Velo, Electric Ghost
You all thought it was a throw away line. Not so. It is the anchor that binds this whole story.
Ice cream.
Ice cream and bison.
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Imagine, he could make ice cream with flavors unknown to any other human.
gellaho
Then he meets up with one of his brothers and they talk about nipples
gellaho
FancyShark
Not since the Reluctant Sorceror has there been this much dicking around in a story
gellaho
Fuck you, Mr President
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I wonder if we get a fictionalized version of a real president or a whole new original IP president?
Velo, Electric Ghost
I can't believe we still haven't time traveled
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I will turn around on this book if time travel never happens and its all just this guy being grumpy about the time he cant spend time travelling.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Fuck it, our hideous unlikable hero is going to the White House
gellaho
From the darkness, a redhead appears
Velo, Electric Ghost
If that happens we crown this book king
gellaho
Grant continues to hallucinate about her hair and eyes changing
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
God, yes, I really want an explanation from the mind of this author how he things tracking down animals works.
gellaho
His next hallucination helps him see her muscled legs and childbearing hips
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Grant is such a fuckin dick.
Just say "Yeah hows tuesday work for you?" or something.
FancyShark
I hope he goes back in time at the last page of the book and it reveals all the baby dinosaurs have his face
gellaho
Bitches love dictation
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Assume she doesnt need muscle memory mansplained to her at least, Grant.
FancyShark
The forbidden pat
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Also Grant..........dont pat the secretaries, you do that with dogs, and I know you dont understand the difference but just trust me.
Entanglement will be the least of your problems if you pat a woman on the head like a golden retriever.
gellaho
Uh oh, he's got a compound
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Of course he does. Hes from Missouri.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Less vandalism than any other zoo is such a weird flex
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
lol also a million visitors for literal dinosaurs.
gellaho
TIME SENSER
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
The zoo in Des Moines pulls 500k a year, what does this one do, cock and ball torture for every third ticketholder?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"we're so popular people aren't tagging our benches as much as other zoos. Also dinosaurs"
gellaho
So whimsical
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Oh you KNOW that guy has a stars and bars sticker on his truck.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Oh yeah I just remembered my favourite thing from early in the book that I didn't comment on: the explanation that no one uses this power to change history because if you think it actually it wouldn't be very sensible and you would be very confused when you come back home to an alternate timeline
gellaho
As time goes on, Grant's loneliness becomes such that he invites his secretaries for some night fishin'
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Hey Grant. Women can like fishing too.
Mind blowing, i know.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I looked away for a few minutes have we time traveled yet
Velo, Electric Ghost
No they like bison
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
We've talked about time travel
Velo, Electric Ghost
Well that's almost as fun!
gellaho
Ladies love ramshackle gun stories
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Cool ladies do.
Velo, Electric Ghost
I hope this book is entirely about office management and then it ends on a cliffhanger as they prepare to time travel, and the last page says To Be Continued in The Shores of Kansas Part II
And then they never wrote part two
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
If you tell a woman about your buddy and his anti duck cannon, and they arent interested, you shouldnt fuck them.
gellaho
Prepare for kissing procedures
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Dont even hang out with them.
EAT THEIR FUCKIN ICE CREAM YOU DORK.
gellaho
Just like TV's Star Trek's Michael Dorn's Time Blender
Velo, Electric Ghost
They're just thinking about bison
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"oh no, kissing" Grant thought
Velo, Electric Ghost
"Oh, affection. Gross." - Grant Ryals
gellaho
More loneliness and melancholy. Adventure!
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Is this edging? Are we being edged?
Because I thought there would be more time travel and dinosaurs in this time travel and dinosaur book.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
It must be a sex thing because it's sure not anything else
gellaho
Good news, the lack of electrons means it's time travel weather
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
R.......rad?
Why the Ozarks tho, ive been there. Not great, imo.
gellaho
My loneliness gives me time travel powers!
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Oh so if he stops being a prick and fucks someone he cant time travel anymore.
Cool protagonist.
gellaho
Grant zings in his car seat
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
What the fuck is zinging
Is THAT a sex thing?
Velo, Electric Ghost
I have no idea
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Its like stimming with your own dick.
And a lemon.
Velo, Electric Ghost
"To make or move with a humming sound"
that...
No that can't be right
Fuck you, Chilson
gellaho
Walking back to the past
Velo, Electric Ghost
God even his time travel is boring
gellaho
It's very exciting, just imagine the ramparts
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Its like this guy read Nine Princes in Amber, and really liked the shadow walking sequences, but is too boring for free association.
gellaho
NOBODY CAN SEE MY AX BUT ME
Velo, Electric Ghost
Starting to think the ax is a metaphor
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Its definitely his dick.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
This is one of those things that made sense in the writer's head
But they couldn't bring it to the page
gellaho
Spends a lot of time looking at plants
gellaho
And so much time describing how his stuff is time-proof
Velo, Electric Ghost
I miss the excitement of office management
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Cool, now there arent any other characters and we can...........oh.
Hes just gonna play golf or something, huh?
gellaho
Mostly finding pleasure in decapitation
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Grant is like a shitty cat, constantly bringing back strange and mangled corpses to people who love him for no apparent reason.
gellaho
And facts about reptile waste
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy
Lizard piss facts.
We love being told things just about everyone knows on such an instinctive level nobody is aware of it.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Huh
Okay book, good job, this is technically a time travel adventure
gellaho
Finds some sauropods and gets attacked by fly beaks
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yeah fuck those guys for wanting a dinosaur
gellaho
Then spends some time in hot shit
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Dude is bitching because he gets to rifle thru dinosaur shit.
Like a real asshole.
gellaho
Why, that must be the allosaurus himself
gellaho
And what a cock it was
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I assume he means exactly like this.
Velo, Electric Ghost
…
FancyShark
Aw man, he finally made it back in time?
gellaho
Such a cock
Velo, Electric Ghost
I'm just in shock at this point
FancyShark
Sick
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Allosaurus eats him, rest of the book is the eggheads trying to figure out what happened to him.
And drinking coffee.
gellaho
That is just far too feet. Very feet. A muchness of feet.
FancyShark
hahahaha
Sorry, I think I need to dip early. Long day. But this is a perfect line to go out on. You all have a good night! Thank you again, @gellaho !
gellaho
Toodles
Damn, forgot to mute
gellaho
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
lol
Also "feller". Is grant supposed to be a young Gabby Hayes?
gellaho
Adorable?
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I can see that.
Its like a big chicken.
gellaho
Too hot for TV
gellaho
Time to steal some precious egggggssss
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Delicious.
gellaho
And we're back
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
They could all have the same father, Grant, you don't know
gellaho
DAMN YOU, PARKING! DAMN YOU, CAGE WOMAN!
Velo, Electric Ghost
Yay more office drama
I hope they fired Elinor again
Immediately
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
So.........fucking what? If theres seven empty spaces for reserved parking..........like if the parking lot is that full seven spaces isnt doing shit. Dude get back to dinosaur observing.
Develop a plot.
Something needs to happen for this to be an actual book.
gellaho
It's riveting financial issues
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
It seems like shitting out a second movie after a successful first outing is...........topical, but unintended.
gellaho
Sauropods live as long as trees, apparently
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Oh good for a second I was afraid there might be some urgency
gellaho
THESE DAMN LADY TIME SENSERS
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
You ever notice women be time travelling? Its true, women DO BE time travelling.
Velo, Electric Ghost
Is this book a prank
gellaho
These damn lady publicists!
gellaho
"Mrs Cane, could you please not headbutt me"
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Quit being a wuss and meet the fuckin president.
Shoot him and walk backward into time so the secret service cant catch you.
Velo, Electric Ghost
If only so many women weren't attracted to him! He can't help being the sexy bad boy of time travel dinosaur hunting!
He's a man god damn it, a man with feelings and needs. But all these women are a piece of meat that time travels to hunt dinosaurs
gellaho
At a party in New York, a lady runs up and stars rubbing his face scars
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Well at least he has jokes
gellaho
Is that your orbital bone? Hot.
gellaho
And what a dancer, at this weird party
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
God.
Fuck you for "with the same fluid ease he did everything." you didnt earn that, book.
gellaho
Then he's propositioned by a guy. I'm sure this will go well
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh no
gellaho
How bout I introduce the slim, little, tiny, thin knife in my pants
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
"Time travellers at this party who want to get their dick sucked in a bathroom, what kind of people did you think I meant?"
gellaho
That old chestnut you always hear
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Now theres the Missouri coming out.
gellaho
Classic corny pickup line, do you hate women?
DAMN THESE BUSTY WOMEN, THEY ALL LOOK ALIKE
Velo, Electric Ghost
IF ONLY THEY HAD NAMES OR FACES
gellaho
Grant dreams of sad redheads
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I really love how judgemental this guy is. " The manner of a hussy" is something my grandma would have said was old fashioned.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"some say the last Pteranodon died of a broken heart. Others say it died because we only fed it nachos and gummy worms. And in a sense, both are true."
gellaho
Grant goes to a rich kid's birthday party and gives him plumbing equipment
gellaho
You're probably wondering why
That is a good question
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
When i was a lad I would dream of recieving a plumbing kit. No questions needed.
One hopes tho that he got the kid some sealant or the whole thing wont work
gellaho
This twelve year old's birthday party reminds him of a time he got flashed
gellaho
It's just absolutely covered in scars
Velo, Electric Ghost
Hey Grant have you considered letting a dinosaur eat you?
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Oh wow this sounds like a huge problem for youuuuuuu, im sure its real tough.
gellaho
Which reminds him of the time he fucked a wife and her seventeen year old daughter
gellaho
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Grant. Did.........did you get pressured into an incestuous three way because you were too shy to say "Uh hey, one of you needs to leave."
Ive never seen any protagonist genuinely complain about all the sex theyre having and then relate a story about them having sex in a way that makes them look this dorky.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Imagine believing you - I mean your character - to be so unbelievably attractive that a 17 year old girl will fuck you WITH HER ACTUAL MOTHER on her own initiative
And then imagine thinking it's a good scene
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
And then having the character complain like that looks cool.
gellaho
Then he gets invited on a fishing trip with all the women at the party and has a four way
gellaho
Velo, Electric Ghost
This book is about time travel
It promised us dinosaurs
Scarrow is better than this
For now
gellaho
THESE DAMNED REDHEADS
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Whatever is going on here, whatever narrative or tension the author is trying to build? It sucks.
Grant sucks, I hate him, and I hope he gets eaten by an allosaurus.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
So every woman on Earth throws herself at him pussy-first and we still have to hear about his dreams where he fears rejection from women
gellaho
THESE DAMN SCI-FI CONVENTION ATTENDEES
Velo, Electric Ghost
how is this still happening
how
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Why the fuck would he be at a sci fi convention?
Velo, Electric Ghost
That's an amzing question
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
We had a time travel segment and it didn't matter
Velo, Electric Ghost
Your'e right
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
There's still no plot
Velo, Electric Ghost
He hates people and he hates things
Why would he go
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Also yeah that's hilarious
gellaho
Later, at a Georgetown party, he's surrounded by the MIASMA OF SEX
gellaho
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Why would he be at a science FICTION convention? Hes helping ACTUAL science, its not fictional.
What would he even add to a panel?
Also Grant needs to jerk off more.
This isnt normal.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah it's like how sonetimes in Marvel stories they'll have a superhero convention for all the fans, but like in universe people should have more complicated feelings towards superheroes
Velo, Electric Ghost
WHY IS HE GOING TO PARTIES
gellaho
Grant considers fucking the president
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
"you got iron man's autograph. Cool. Did you thank him for killing my uncle with falling debris? Oh he was fighting Ultron, thanks for reminding me. Who built Ultron again?"
gellaho
Vague publicity
Velo, Electric Ghost
Mariam is off having an adventure right now and we're stuck with fucking Grant
Grant thinking about all the women whose names he can't remember
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Why not just make the president a woman and then Grant can be scared of fucking the Lady President.
gellaho
Then he fucks his married head publicist
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Yeah if you can't see any group of women without thinking of them as a miasma of sex, that's a problem in your own brain
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
This book has too much unearned and boring fucking.
gellaho
The Depths
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Dude you are fucking NEUROTIC.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
SHUT UP
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
"OH GOD! What if the woman i fucked one time asks me to drive her to the airport!?"
I want him to die.
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Her smile will forever be slightly more self conscious than once it was
This character is living proof that having sex doesn't cure you of incel mentality
Velo, Electric Ghost
I get why this publisher went out of business
Not even porn can make up the loss this must have been
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I feel like this author owes us like fifty dollars each, and Gellaho at least a hundred.
The publisher should be tried in the Hague.
gellaho
Ketchup!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
🤔
gellaho
THESE DAMNABLE REDHEADS
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Yeah now you pissed her off and shes a much more interesting character than you.
Dick.
gellaho
THOSE FOOLS DON'T UNDERSTAND AXES LIKE I DO
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
gooood this book is as boring as the actual state of Kansas.
gellaho
Your lady bones might not allow throwing
Velo, Electric Ghost
It did warn us right on the cover
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Did we ever get an explanation why axe throwing is the single most vital skill in dino time travel?
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
"I read it on 4chan so it must be true."
Velo, Electric Ghost
I cant even fake misogyny that, it's just the dumbest thing I've ever read
gellaho
What?
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Also "they don't WANT to understand" is a very funny thing to say about axe throwing. This guy just has one weird specific hobby that he takes way more seriously than anyone else
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
And just think, she could be getting this advice from almost any park ranger or lesbian at an axe throwing bar, but without all the free misogyny!
gellaho
HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A HERO! I'LL KILL YOU!
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
Dude can throw an axe where he aims it and he thinks it makes him the Men in Black
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
"Nevermind, asshole." should be her next sentence.
gellaho
Better have a good cry and that dream again
gellaho
Then back to the past
Velo, Electric Ghost
How long is this book
gellaho
Hey there, buddy
gellaho
211 pages
Velo, Electric Ghost
That's astonishing
gellaho
Taunt the T-Rex
Velo, Electric Ghost
Somehow made the most exciting dinosaur boring
Velo, Electric Ghost
Please Grant, let it eat you
gellaho
Grant defeats the T-Rex by running at it
gellaho
I'm not entirely sure why he's doing this, but here we are
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Im not a math guy but I feel like that "eight times the weight vs only four times as strong" maybe doesnt make sense.
gellaho
So, he does that all day
gellaho
And the next day
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
I feel like a gargantuan chicken would give up after a while, its like running a marathon just to eat a snickers bar.
A dude sized calorie intake is insufficient for this kind of expenditure.
gellaho
And so on
Velo, Electric Ghost
Oh no, Grants thighs are injured
Tom Owns Diebel's Grave
This sounds more like exploiting an enemy's aggro behaviour in a video game
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
Grant is a dick to dinosaurs.
gellaho
Well, time to slash its face
gellaho
Yay?
Flippant Sausage Word Ticklers
You fuckin happy now?
Grant?
You satisfied?
gellaho
Time to tumble into the future
gellaho
gellaho
The black neighborhood he fell into helps him with the T-Rex head
