129: The Whims of Creation Simon Hawke

gellaho

Gazebo

gellaho

I wanted to see his dick!

FancyShark

Dammit, Riley. All you had to do was ask.

gellaho

Last time I read this, I apparently thought this was important

gellaho

Absolutely no memory of that

Velo

I appreciate you taking notes

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

how did they pass the first test? just don't look at the fairies?

gellaho

Shut up, Becky

gellaho

Apparently

Velo

You wouldn't understand, Becky

gellaho

Next note, less promising

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

uh oh

Velo

God damn it Karen

gellaho

The note did not lie

gellaho

Although, I remember where this goes, and it's weird

Velo

So Peter wasn't the first man to fuck in space, as he promised Sonja he would be

gellaho

Morning sex just makes me depressed

Velo

She's about to wood chipper herself

gellaho

In the woods, she meets a medieval stranger on this spaceship

Velo

Okay maybe not herself but she is getting wood chippered

gellaho

Getting seduced by a wood elf

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is feeling more and more like a star trek holodeck episode

Velo

Whomst among us hasn't been

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I can see the cheap costumes in my mind's eye

gellaho

You should smile more

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

he seemed far more insightful than a normal holodeck program

gasp! The photonic entities from the nebula!

gellaho

Luke Skywalker

FancyShark

He sighed. "A wood elf. Not a high elf or a moon elf; they're haughty and condescending. Not a dark elf, either. They're evil unless you get to at least version 3.0 where you can find some that are chaotic good."

gellaho

Sharp ears, get it?

gellaho

I'm only attracted to Keebler or Santa elves

They can get me things I want

FancyShark

If this dude was a Keebler elf, this would be Hawke's masterpiece

gellaho

Can't resist a Vulcan

gellaho

Are we sure he didn't do that in the Reluctant Sorcerer?

FancyShark

Oh shit, he did. You're right. Dammit!

gellaho

This sex scene goes on for a while

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

such a tease

gellaho

This is some frightening sex

gellaho

Later

GDC

Their obsession with productivity left them vulnerable to the fair folk's glamour.

FancyShark

The doctors diagnose her as insane, knowing full well there is no such thing as a female orgasm

gellaho

So embarrassing

FancyShark

LIIIIIPS

Velo

This is still going

gellaho

Quite tenuous

FancyShark

Lady fucked an elf!

Velo

I look forward to that mattering

Shall we wait together, for it to matter?

gellaho

They're equally sexy

FancyShark

This whole book is something Hawke must've failed to pitch to Cinemax

gellaho

Because what we're doing here is so important

You're definitely going to have to wait, it's a long book

Velo

I got the feeling it was

You don't spend that much time on fairy dancing if you're keeping the page count low

gellaho

MEANWHILE

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you've got Ulysses right there

GDC

Hand stuff doesn't count, Riley.

gellaho

Who's ready to get weird?

gellaho

Especially with yourself, heyo!

Velo

Simon.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"as I gawked at my daughter's huge knockers, I realised she was growing up"

gellaho

She thinks about how attractive the suicide widow was

gellaho

Then decides to masturbate with a very specific fantasy

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

well as long as the bed, the computer and the hologram plumber with the yakuza tattoo are all consenting, they cna do what they like

FancyShark

That is extremely specific, yeah

gellaho

Gotta get the tattoo nipple position correct

FancyShark

Also seems like the snake might not be just a tattoo

gellaho

Back in the fantasy VR game, Simon gets back on his "What is reality, man?" grind

gellaho

It's his favorite theme

Velo

Simon would've loved The Matrix so much

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"so if we have sex here, I'm not really losing my virginity and we can still tame the unicorn!" All three of them say simultaneously

gellaho

Everyone steals from Simon

This discussion of the nature of the mind is interrupt by a unicorn

gellaho

gellaho

Simon's indicating something here, but it's subtle

gellaho

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Ulysses, the girl put her tongue in your mouth when you'd barely spoken to her

you liked her being adventurous then

Velo

She is the captain now, Ulysses

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you can't have it both ways

gellaho

Jenny spent a lot of time in the rodeo

gellaho

"Touch it, dweebs"

GDC

Saved by weird repression, as usual.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"whoa, are you guys virgins? That's awesome," the unicorn said. "you guys want to come to church with me on sunday?"

gellaho

Ulysses is cool about it at least

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

why do I get the feeling Ulysses is gonna make it his business anyway

Velo

Yeah that's coming up again

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

you always hear these days how you can't write a character who's smarter than you are

but Hawke proves you also can't write one who is less of a sex pest

gellaho

How romantic

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ULYSSES SHE KISSED THE ABSOLUTE FUCK OUT OF YOU

AS SIGNALS GO THAT'S A BIG ONE

FancyShark

Ulysses is getting mixed signals

gellaho

I will not have you insult my man like that

The missing man, George Takahashi kills himself

FancyShark

It's true. For all the red flags, Hawke is shockingly progressive

He's just also kind of insane. Magnificently insane.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

oh yeah hawke is time wars, ok I think I mixed him up with another book cage author

gellaho

It's entirely possible fiction isn't the window to the soul

They have dolphins, apparently

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I was probably thinking of the bicyling thrugh time guy or one of those freaks

FancyShark

I mean, there are some things in Hawke books that are...unsettling

Problematic

But he seems to be aware of it

gellaho

The books from the one actual person who was a problem, I threw away. There may be others I don't know about

FancyShark

Also, why dolphins?

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah we've had other books where it's more like the author's own creepiness is coming through subconsciously, but not so much with time wars

FancyShark

There are other animals better suited to scavenging the dead, Simon

Like crabs

🦀

gellaho

I don't recommend looking up Marion Zimmer Bradley, but her shit is everywhere, and she's no bueno

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

the dolphins have been specifically trained to search the water for corpses

Velo

Dolphins love the taste of death

gellaho

Telepathic dolphins

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lol I was half joking

Velo

"It's an expression, karen."

gellaho

Telepathic dolphins

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lol I was half joking

Velo

"It's an expression, karen."

gellaho

Weird

FancyShark

"They wanted fish heads"

Brendo

what'd I miss?

FancyShark

"Something the dolphins knew and did not particularly appreciate" is a cute line

Velo

"because we fucking want to, you dolphin dumbass."

"Show respect to the sea."

"This isn't the sea and I wouldn't respect it if it was. We're adding bleach."

The dolphins are responsible for all of this

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

challenge rating: impossible. Um, the teens tamed a unicorn which was a scene entirely to reveal which of them is not a virgin

FancyShark

Lady fucked an elf and went to the hospital for having crazy orgasm

The nerds tamed a unicorn because Ulysses and Riley are virgins

Space Cop lady gets off to yakuza porn

gellaho

Eat my balls, dolphin

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and now the police are questioning a dolphin in connection with a suicide

gellaho

What are there mermaids now?

FancyShark

I like how professional the dolphins are

gellaho

They spot the elf and try and catch him, but he Looney Tunes through a wall

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

nanalloy is of course an alloy made of nannas

it's mostly knitting

this society recycles their dead

FancyShark

Hell yes

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

and they discovered that grandma corpses make the best ship hulls

gellaho

Goddamned architects!

FancyShark

"Architects! Give us your elves!"

gellaho

Well, back at Ulysses place, Jenny shows up

It appears past me had made another note here, let's see

Promising

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lol

Brendo

The people demand the truth!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

how dare I ever have implied hawke is a naughty boy

gellaho

Note checks out

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

ok that's the first time his hesitation has made sense

FancyShark

Yep, that's the mentality of a virgin who's never looked at porn before

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah the program could have made her kiss him

not a bad point

gellaho

A real whiplash from VR porn to "can I show you my drawings?"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

also imagine asking for your parents to unlock the vr fuck settings

Brendo

VR sex with someone's sim isn't REAL the way sex with that person piloting their sim is.

Velo

Let's all agree not to imagine that

FancyShark

"I hope you like the art. It's called 'vore'."

GDC

"sure, but I also want to see your boobs"

gellaho

One of them dra-gons

Velo

Well one has two participants and the other doesn't

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I mean in a universe with that technology, that would absolutely be a distinction people would notice

like reading articles written by AI

FancyShark

"God, you're a nerd."

gellaho

It's like CG, but not?

FancyShark

"I call it 'screenshot'."

gellaho

"You never jerked off before?"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"you weren't complaining about my virginity when it allowed us to tame the unicorn in our vr fantasy quest," Ulysses pointed out nerdly.

gellaho

Erotisims

Velo

"Your parents never set up porn for you?" she askes, doing some really cursed worldbuilding

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

yeah this sex course thing

I dislike

gellaho

I'm not entirely sure feeling a teacher have sex is the best way of learning about it

FancyShark

If it's anything like actual sex ed, it probably involved a lot of talk about STDs and watching movies explaining how teenage pregnancy ruins your life but you should still keep the child

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is so odd

Brendo

Simon, got the latest chapter. Listen, we need you to knock the teens discussing their sexual experiences down to 20 pages.

gellaho

This is the best time for a love confession

FancyShark

So the best way to teach sex in this world is to have a teacher who fucks a LOT

Wait, that actually makes sense

Brendo

Man, Jenny is such a sure thing.

gellaho

I can't think of a better reason to fall in love

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

lol we're really doing the "but I heard you chose someone" twist when she's never shown any interest in anyone but him

FancyShark

I hope the twist is that Jenny never existed and he's been in VR the entire time

gellaho

And the guy she fucked just because

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

that hasn't been a character though. Like Ulysses hasn't seen her hanging out with a guy and assuming she likes him

gellaho

I LIKE YOUR LEEEEEGGGGSSS

Brendo

This book is him rewriting his HS journal, right

gellaho

Bummer

Brendo

And barely that before she flung herself at him.

FancyShark

aww, he explains his love like he's on trial for her murder

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"Hi I'm the nude lady from a few chapters ago. Oh I should be more specific..."

gellaho

WHERE YOU SEEN THE FAIRIES

FancyShark

The one file on mythology humans kept

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

we get it, these characters don't know about mythology as a common reference anymore

gellaho

These 100,000 humans kept

Frightening DnD game

FancyShark

Right, I keep forgetting they're only a small fraction of the population

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

this is basically Silo, they've made a very insular society that doesn't know about much of the old days

Brendo

I would just love to know how they engage with the sum total of human history in their constant VR world if the context of half of it is lost.

FancyShark

And what happens if someone is insane?

Velo

Woodchipper

gellaho

I mean, I'm pretty sure we've lost more than half of the context of our history

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"we shame them of course"

FancyShark

Do their delusions get recorded and dispersed?

Brendo

This is what madness tastes like

So let's say you occupy the President from 50 years ago

for history class

and then halfway through a historic moment he remembers losing his virginity in the erotisims

FancyShark

You would have a fear of Dallas

Brendo

are you now incepted into a sim of the sims

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

well it's the same erotisims these 14 year olds have already been through themselves so it's fine

Brendo

are you, a tenured historian, banging Sock Hop Jenny?

Right but how do you romeo and juliet law memory.Mp4

FancyShark

How would you keep secrets? Why would there ever be security? It'd be Minority Report but everyone sees it.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I suppose we don't know if everyone gets unfettered access to other peoples memories

there could be a kind of firewall

that keeps other thoughts private

gellaho

It's also a thousand years in the future, so most presidents will probably have been forgotten

That's comforting, right?

FancyShark

I'm good with that!

gellaho

Anyway, that's about halfway through

Brendo

No I mean let's say it's you in 3024

FancyShark

We halfway did it!

Velo

Wooo!

Thank you @gellaho !

Brendo

and you're witnessing the signgin of the Xargon Alliance in 2974

FancyShark

Thank you, @gellaho !

GDC

Thanks everyone, especially @gellaho

Brendo

and suddenly you're inhabiting the president take the dump of his life midway through talks

gellaho

May your workdays be free of compulsive naked fairy dances

Brendo

Maybe YOUR workdays

thanks for tourguiding us.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

again we can only hope there's a firewall protecting the users from the subject's private thoughts

FancyShark

Some kid is going to fail history so hard. Every answer is going to be grunts.

Brendan makes a really good point. Imagine a vital peace treaty being interrupted by someone who can't get the Pina Colada song out of their head.

Or someone making a speech and thinking the filthiest things imaginable just to combat their stage fright

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

we'd probably discover that tons of people making incredibly important decisions didn't actually give a shit about what they were doing

like how judges statistically give way harsher sentences for the same crimes if they haven't had lunch yet

FancyShark

https://youtu.be/2B4bsqYxwo0?si=ve1HKn9D_4aQrMw6

Anyway, have a great night, everyone!

gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 129.5

The Whims of Creation - Part 2

In the third millennium, people are getting sad on the Agamemnon. Our trio of teens get sucked into a mysterious fantasy realm, and the fantasy creatures get sucked into the space ark. And then it gets horny. Will these trends continue? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.

gellaho

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

It continuing to get horny is a safe bet.

gellaho

Coming up on the next hour, it's the conclusion of The Whims of Creation. Here is where we left off

gellaho

And here is our future

Velo

God damn it Karen

At least she's not getting talked down to by psychic dolphins

Brendo

Regrettably I will only be here for a few, as I'm gonna skedoodle to Brew at the Zoo and pretend I'm East Coast Cerril.

FancyShark

We'll miss you! Have fun!

FancyShark

I am on the edge of my seat

Velo

BOOK

FancyShark

CAGE

Velo

Hi @FancyShark !

FancyShark

Hi, @Velo !

gellaho

Off to the space ark

FancyShark

Hi, @gellaho !

HELLO, @Brendo !

Velo

Oh right we're in space

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Yay book cage

Velo

Hi @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave !

gellaho

Get yourself a psychologist who can clean your pipes

FancyShark

Hi, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave !

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

👋

Velo

Doctor this is no time for doing your own god damn plumbing the ship is in crisis

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

In space, no one can hear you plumb.

gellaho

The suicides might indicate that you are needed, dude

Velo

SEE?!

CRISIS

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh I get it because he plumbs the depths of your subconscious

Velo

Leave the toolbox you dense fuckwit

The Late Eric Christian Berg

"there's not much call for a psychiatrist" (a beat later) "There's been another suicide."

FancyShark

Or he uses a wrench for therapy

Hi, @The Late Eric Christian Berg !

gellaho

I am a terrible doctor

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

He's right though because mental health and seeking help are so stigmatized that no one actually seeks his help

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Well the fact is psychiatry doesnt work, and we have no idea how sadness works. Thats just science fact."

Velo

Okay we found the problem

FancyShark

Ridgeway prescribes washers for everything

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Perfect society they've created here

FancyShark

Hi, @Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion !

gellaho

People are terrified of Counseling, so I'm not sure if the AI's working out there

Velo

I think this makes him even more responsible for how badly this is going

FancyShark

I hope we get a scene of the therapy bot and it just recommends suicide

Brendo

Maybe people wouldn't kill themselves if the psychiatrist's AI didn't say he was unavailable so he could do plumbing.

Velo

What I'm saying is we need to beat this man to death with a space wrench

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

Ai counseling is just a slideshow loop of big tittied AI women and procgen words. Audiovisual "Pussy in bio"

Brendo

This book is very timely, in that a few idiots want AI to handle very human jobs, and now people's lives are being shattered.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

It's not just redundant and superfluous, it's unnecessary because it's been replaced by other functions

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

And ads for crypto.

gellaho

Really makes you think

Velo

He's so incompitent this has to be on purpose as some sort of scheme to get out of work

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Maybe this is his suicide attempt

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Oi! Ive been cranking my pipes! By which i mean, my peanits."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

He's hoping they'll be so pissed for this they'll just throw him out an airlock

Flippant Sausage Beyond Oblivion

"Lotta work, fixing your own sink and jacking off."

"Maybe if some of these suicides had done more fixing their own sinks and jacking off they wouldnt have killed themselves."