The Book Cage: Episode 130
The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #78: Ring of Evil #3: The Pacific Conspiracy
It's time for what I would call the epic conclusion to the Ring of Evil saga, but it actually concludes with #80: Dead of Night. In any event, The international terrorist organization The Assassins are back at it again, and this time we're going to Indonesia. Who will explode? Who will survive? How many sandwiches will be eaten at snack time? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.
God yes.
Hardy Boys Do The Raid.
🌋
Just under an hour until the boys get eaten
Watch out boys, it'll chew you up
BOOK
CAGE
Hi, @Velo !
Hi @FancyShark !
You ready for HARDY?
Evil dies tonight
Hell yes. Hi, @gellaho !
So hot right now
The moral of this story better be to set lizards on fire or me and Franklin W. Dixon are going to have words about cover art
Joe parting with groceries means the heat is LETHAL
Big whoops in Jakarta
Joe wondered why no one else was wearing the snowshoes or heavy down coat the travel agent insisted he wear
Everyone in Indonesia is on the grapefruit diet
What do you mean "already at eleven in the morning"? That's like half the day
Don't lie to me about how Joe thinks about food, ghostwriter
The Assassins continuing that ace intelligence work we know them for
Separating Joe from his food? Best get running, lady
You don't think it's terrorist work, Joe? They made you take the last package of peanut butter Oreos.
And then not notify the store owner
It feels like we're averaging one food per page
Only grapefruits in Indonesia
Someone get this author a pizza so we can move on
Everyone in Indonesia knows Joe on a first name basis. His cover is going great.
Endang immediately tries to get Joe to see her play
Joe has only begun his training. Soon, he will kill for a tuna melt. Then: a cottage cheese and cucumber tea sandwich. When he defeats his master, it shall be only grapefruit and tea which he kills for.
"We're a Bob Seger / Spin Doctors fusion band"
HELLO, @Brendo !
It's very important you see my one woman show, I have seats to fill
Hello, second-best Shark!
(sorry, Jaws is still #1)
I can't argue with that
They call him "Pupils-only" Nwali
Nwali is perpetually coming from an optometrist appointment
Spartans were well-known for their shopping tactics
Not the kind of man to wear contact lenses.
Nwali is all for this lady's play. Very spartan
Wayang kulit means "donkey show"
Shut up Boris we have an encyclopedia entry worth of tourism stuff to do
He was an austere warrior whose farming economy depended on slave labor and frequently slaughtered his helots.
Meanwhile, Frank gets ready to jerk off
Nwali is a shark-eyed assassin, but a patriot and patron.
Thank god, save us from your gross hungry brother, Frank
Nwali rising quickly in the shark rankings.
Wait, no. Wayang kulit is a type of shadow puppetry and it rules
Some interesting asses there
Wayang kulit is Indonesian for "break foreigners' kneecaps and take their wallet"
Hi, @GDC !
The most important event was catching Nwali looking at his vacation pictures
I feel like everyone should see this at least once in their lives.
Are you there, God of Killers? It's me, Nwali.
Nwali transfers state secrets at 2400 baud
Nwali breathed a sigh of relief. Frank had almost found the presents Nwali had gotten them but hadn't yet wrapped
This is a very inaccurate depiction of Indonesia. There should be a constant stream of drunk Australian tourists wandering around
Turning the computer on is the hardest part of hacking
Hi, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave !
Frank tried to remember his best pickup lines for computers.
"So, you explode often?"
"Would you like to?"
Shortwave radio. Cellular phone. Betamax tape. 8-track cartridge.
Nwali's going to be so mad Frank is using company property to make a personal call
The plan to contact the Gray Man goes about as smoothly as all their plans go
"Well, I was going to get Nwali something off his wishlist for World's Best Boss Day, but I guess now I'm taking your skull, Butch."
Frank just needs to get his ASCII nudes fix
Meanwhile, Bill's got a peanut addiction
Oh cool later on they'll track him by following the peanut shells
Classic Bill
Bill's malnourishment is visible
Bahasa means: "there's a culturally important play we need to see"
Translated from Indonesian: "I got Joe a blue Power Ranger. I couldn't remember if he had that one already."
Luckily Joe didn't know how to say "idiot kid" in Indonesian.
Nwali pulling numbers out of his ass
It's a family recipe and they're a family restaurant, Nwali. It's just business.
Brilliant boy detectives
I think this assassin leader might want to assassinate someone.
Brilliant boy detectives
International Terrorist Bob
Nwali's telling no lies so far.
Master assassin
He's just a little ahead of the curve.
Capitalism bombs babies in their cribs and we all call it normal. Nwali is a scalpel in the tools of the beast and we call him Hashashin.
I'm pretty sure they don't use dollars over there
They use dollars everywhere.
Tell that to the card only lines at the grocery store
*Dove
Wheeeeee
:hungryshark:
Unless they're on the top deck of a cruise ship, he shouldn't be slamming into the ocean
The assassin boldly pushes Frank under water, and then tries to stab him through the water
*divvied
The assassin literally had the edge, given he was holding a knife
He's at the dock, I don't think he needs to swim anymore
Fighting in three feet of water. There are kids playing less than two yards from them
SHARK SHARK SHARK
c'mon, shark
Damn it, Butch!
Wait, crap. Frank's a robot. Sharks aren't attracted to the smell of oil.
Frank stupidly saves Butch
A snake?
You have an entire ocean of killer animals and you pick a goddamn snake?!
Luckily, he dies from impossibly fast snake venom
Actually, that tracks when it comes to ocean water snakes. They kill, like, insanely fast.
Still, up yours, ghost writer. You could have had a shark and people would have loved it.
We would have
At least Frank stole his credit card first.
Classic international terrorists, always play fighting and roughhousing
I'm retconning this to be a shark
I support this
It was so awesome when a shark killed Butch
Bit him right in half
So thicc
"I went to an office supply store. I STOLE IT FROM THE TERRORIST I MURDERED, JOE."
Then they get to move boxes around
Super Masculine Construction Supplies
Baby helmets are pretty disgusting
Please say it's a nuke
Hey, let's not jump to conclusions, Frank. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for international terrorists to have that
Frank gets radiation poisoning IMMEDIATELY
Hell yes, Velo called it
Nwali helpfully asks no questions about the gash on Frank's leg
Boys roughhouse with knife and saw all the time
Brilliant boy detectives
"Do you think they'll blow it up?"
Oh, just feeling over your head now, Joe?
Not the first one where these same terrorists killed your girlfriend or the one where they cloned that girlfriend, and you?
I can't wait to see if this book is crazier than the next one or if the writer legit topped himself when he wrote Dead of Night
I'm still riding that hydrogen bomb high
MUST CONSUME
mmmmm
Atomic Warhead sauce
Meanwhile, here in the Midwest, medium salsa is as spicy as many of us go
Hilariously, there's randomly a book between this and Dead of Night. I think it's about crop dusting
My guy, ketchup was right there
Hell yes. The ghost writer needed more time to wind up for the clownshit madness of Dead of Night
TELL THEM WHY, NWALI
Just a random adventure with no assassins?
I just want ONE Hardy book willing to delve into international fecal etiquette
Unfortunately, the west knows nothing of shadow puppets
Never let that dream die, brother
Thank you, Encyclopedia Brittanica
MUST CONSUME
Again, check out this sweet shit
I fear the art has much decayed in the last fifteen years, owing to the decadent western dollar
Yes, the only reason the economy couldn't support thousands of puppet theaters is America's fault
Man, I spend doordash credits on vegetarian taco bell, don't sit there eating your shrimp crackers telling me about my decadence.
DIDN'T I SAY
"Come, my friends. I will take you to the brothel. Our boys are second only to Thailand for exotic satisfaction, but I fear their prepubescent art has much decayed since Coca-Cola arrived on our shores."
Jeff Dunham arrives in Indonesia and is reduced to a skeleton by the knives of countless wayang puppeteers. And people who have seen his show.
The Tim
"Just nod," Frank whispered to Joe.
Why put jewels on the puppets if you only see the shadow
I will videotape you, Nwali whispered, that you will forever belong to the Assassins. Then he snickered. Ass, he chuckled. Ass.
I think Tim might be evil
He's a nuclear terrorist, but the man appreciates arts funding.
For a split second Joe thought "maybe Nwali's right and this giant ugly concrete structure represents the erasure of local culture". Then he thought "nah".
Joseph, we do not permit interacting with fe-males
People can be two things
Joe just easily gets away from the international terrorist leader
Nwali contains multitudes
I hope this turns into a love story between Nwali and Endang
Well, you should probably guess CIA then, Joe
He blends right in
Probably Interpol
Or, you know, the secret government organization you are involved in, The Network
Yeah the Indonesian shadow play traditions are pretty cool. We studied one in school called the Ramayana where the hero Rama slays a demon king with a magic bow
A man with a face like the Sun
Secret Agent Puppet Show
Yeah, Nwali seems really on it
Nwali's fatal weakness
To be fair, most people's fatal weakness is puppets
"See here, Frank Hardy, how the tassles on the curtains are frayed. Clearly the spread of Walmart is to blame."
Western hedonism, like a light bulb
Fuck you Edison you ruined shadows
Through flashback, we learn Nwali is actually thinking about Punch & Judy
His father was killed by a light bulb
Yeah, CIA is just international FBI with aviators instead of wayfarers.
The puppeteer to terrorist pipeline is real and unstoppable
Espionage Puppeteer
It's Spy Puppeteer vs Terrorist Puppeteer
"you don't understand, this is about ethics in shadow puppetry," Nwali said as he armed the nuke.
I really didn't expect this book to involve puppetry so much
Hey, stupid is all Joe knows
The only remaining puppet theatres are all just fronts for spies these days
Wait but he's undercover working for THE SAME NETWORK
WHY ARE YOU PLAYING DUMB WITH YOUR OWN ALLIES
am I wrong? What is happening? Where are my pills?
You've been trying to contact the network this whole time, that's how that guy died.
If you're just going to believe people when they say they're something, I've got a Nigerian prince with a great deal for you
Underrated remrk.
Eh I guess that's a point
Good thing Endang has indisputable proif: a luggage tag the Assassins were using
I mean she knows who he is though, so like
So, she's either a terrorist or with the Network, which doesn't really help
Yeah, but he's been telling everyone his actual name
And all the international crime they've solved
Oh they aren't using fake names with the assassins?
Nope
I didn't even notice
They're not good at this
These guys are the worst detectives
Oh, Joe's smarter than I gave him credit for
The last two un-bonked neurons in Joe's skull form a thought
But still pretty dumb, considering he'll accept something "close enough"
Two equally pronouncible names
Ok so I must have missed the book before this one. Why would the assassins ever believe that the Hardys want to join them?
"My name is Dan Smith and I wish you'd stop calling me that."
And my brother knows nukes, he's building one in the garage!
The Hardys posed as criminals seeking to change their identities and flee the US through an organization that recruited criminals into The Assassins
Joe Hardy sentencing another woman to death
"Who's going to believe that?" Everyone would, Joe
Joe Hardy, Woman Understander
Karate
Do it, Endang
✅ Redhead
Oh yeah the one on the boat and then they were on like a weird slave plantation making rich criminal prisoners work the fields or something?
Cowboys fan, obviously evil
"So he's twelve years old?"
"Have you ever seen a sport?"
He loves everything to do with America, which is why he's working with a terrorist organization to destroy it
"He loves everything about America; from your poutine to your Wayne Gretzky"
That is a wildly stupid plan
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Smith_Will_Teach_You_Guitar
This plan rules
A man, a plan, a canal, panama, nuclear explosion
Wait
Well, if I can't blow up Panama, I gotta blow up something!
This guy is really passionate about canals
This is amazing
"We could have bought shovels but they're overpriced"
Strategic smooch
Product placement
They got $5 for that
As far as contractors go, ones who use a nuke to dig a canal aren't the worst
The crazy bastards did it. They gave him a-bomb hair
This is a fucking cartoon
*dove
You know, you can rearrange Hardy to spell HYDRA
"I heard you solve crimes and fight the Assassins. Welcome to the Assassins."
"That's good, Joe. Give her more tongue. The women of my nation were passionate before your corrupt American culture taught them shame."
Aw, Nwali's going to miss his puppet show
murcasteam
This won't go unpunished
The only solution to this injustice is a hydrogen bomb
Off to the Bond lair
I hate human beings so much you would stop talking to me if you knew.
The three most American things I can think of: the Cowboys, Bogart, and Day-Glo
To really sell it, you should probably let me finish inside you just as Nwali walks in.
He's also really into the Louisiana Purchase, for some reason. He puts on re-enactments of it every other Saturday.
MUST CONSUME
The problem with Indonesia is it barely processes its food.
"corruption of the form," Nwali mused as he picked the chocolate off the graham cracker
The graham cracker was invented to curb masturbation, which had heretofore been considered a glorious Jakartan art form in public pubic shadow displays.
Joe snacks like a five year old
I worry for the decay of its purity.
They get to unload some more boxes and then a sleepover at Americaville
If you children only knew how shit this meant the early '90s tech actually was.
State of the art entertainment center 1992 means the TV was barely over half a foot thick.
Security keypads work like touch-tone phones, right?
The Matrix introduced flatscreens, look it up.
The ghost writer is showing their hand referencing Bogart
When I was in university I worked for a company that tested atms for security compliance. one of the requirements was that the buttons all had to have the same tone, within a few percent of each other
If there's one thing I've learned here, it's that only the very old think Bogart is still contemporary after 1980
He should have looked at the other wall with all the snot flicked on it
I'm sure the smoothness of the wall isn't important
I'm seeing a woman who was Lauren Bacall's gofer and I have been biting my tongue off trying not to call her baby.
Not even slightly important. Weird that the author mentioned it.