130: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #78: Ring of Evil #3: The Pacific Conspiracy Franklin W. Dixon

#78 The Hardy Boys Casefiles

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The ultimate human evil is always coiled...and ready to strike!

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gellaho

The Book Cage: Episode 130

The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #78: Ring of Evil #3: The Pacific Conspiracy

It's time for what I would call the epic conclusion to the Ring of Evil saga, but it actually concludes with #80: Dead of Night. In any event, The international terrorist organization The Assassins are back at it again, and this time we're going to Indonesia. Who will explode? Who will survive? How many sandwiches will be eaten at snack time? Find out this Friday, 5pm eastern.

gellaho
Flippant Sausage Foreskin Jerky

God yes.

Hardy Boys Do The Raid.

FancyShark

🌋

gellaho

Just under an hour until the boys get eaten

FancyShark

Watch out boys, it'll chew you up

FancyShark

BOOK

Velo

CAGE

FancyShark

Hi, @Velo !

Velo

Hi @FancyShark !

FancyShark

You ready for HARDY?

gellaho

Evil dies tonight

FancyShark

Hell yes. Hi, @gellaho !

gellaho

So hot right now

Velo

The moral of this story better be to set lizards on fire or me and Franklin W. Dixon are going to have words about cover art

FancyShark

Joe parting with groceries means the heat is LETHAL

gellaho

Big whoops in Jakarta

FancyShark

Joe wondered why no one else was wearing the snowshoes or heavy down coat the travel agent insisted he wear

gellaho

Everyone in Indonesia is on the grapefruit diet

FancyShark

What do you mean "already at eleven in the morning"? That's like half the day

gellaho

Don't lie to me about how Joe thinks about food, ghostwriter

FancyShark

The Assassins continuing that ace intelligence work we know them for

gellaho

Separating Joe from his food? Best get running, lady

FancyShark

You don't think it's terrorist work, Joe? They made you take the last package of peanut butter Oreos.

And then not notify the store owner

Velo

It feels like we're averaging one food per page

gellaho

Only grapefruits in Indonesia

Velo

Someone get this author a pizza so we can move on

FancyShark

Everyone in Indonesia knows Joe on a first name basis. His cover is going great.

gellaho

Endang immediately tries to get Joe to see her play

gellaho
Brendo

Joe has only begun his training. Soon, he will kill for a tuna melt. Then: a cottage cheese and cucumber tea sandwich. When he defeats his master, it shall be only grapefruit and tea which he kills for.

FancyShark

"We're a Bob Seger / Spin Doctors fusion band"

HELLO, @Brendo !

gellaho

It's very important you see my one woman show, I have seats to fill

Brendo

Hello, second-best Shark!

(sorry, Jaws is still #1)

FancyShark

I can't argue with that

gellaho

They call him "Pupils-only" Nwali

FancyShark

Nwali is perpetually coming from an optometrist appointment

gellaho

Spartans were well-known for their shopping tactics

Brendo

Not the kind of man to wear contact lenses.

gellaho

Nwali is all for this lady's play. Very spartan

FancyShark

Wayang kulit means "donkey show"

Velo

Shut up Boris we have an encyclopedia entry worth of tourism stuff to do

Brendo

He was an austere warrior whose farming economy depended on slave labor and frequently slaughtered his helots.

gellaho

Meanwhile, Frank gets ready to jerk off

Brendo

Nwali is a shark-eyed assassin, but a patriot and patron.

Velo

Thank god, save us from your gross hungry brother, Frank

Brendo

Nwali rising quickly in the shark rankings.

FancyShark

Wait, no. Wayang kulit is a type of shadow puppetry and it rules

gellaho

Some interesting asses there

GDC

Wayang kulit is Indonesian for "break foreigners' kneecaps and take their wallet"

FancyShark

Hi, @GDC !

gellaho

The most important event was catching Nwali looking at his vacation pictures

Brendo

I feel like everyone should see this at least once in their lives.

Are you there, God of Killers? It's me, Nwali.

Nwali transfers state secrets at 2400 baud

FancyShark

Nwali breathed a sigh of relief. Frank had almost found the presents Nwali had gotten them but hadn't yet wrapped

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

This is a very inaccurate depiction of Indonesia. There should be a constant stream of drunk Australian tourists wandering around

gellaho

Turning the computer on is the hardest part of hacking

FancyShark

Hi, @Tom Owns Diebel's Grave !

Frank tried to remember his best pickup lines for computers.

"So, you explode often?"

"Would you like to?"

gellaho

Shortwave radio. Cellular phone. Betamax tape. 8-track cartridge.

FancyShark

Nwali's going to be so mad Frank is using company property to make a personal call

gellaho

The plan to contact the Gray Man goes about as smoothly as all their plans go

FancyShark

"Well, I was going to get Nwali something off his wishlist for World's Best Boss Day, but I guess now I'm taking your skull, Butch."

GDC

Frank just needs to get his ASCII nudes fix

gellaho

Meanwhile, Bill's got a peanut addiction

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh cool later on they'll track him by following the peanut shells

Velo

Classic Bill

FancyShark

Bill's malnourishment is visible

gellaho

Bahasa means: "there's a culturally important play we need to see"

FancyShark

Translated from Indonesian: "I got Joe a blue Power Ranger. I couldn't remember if he had that one already."

GDC

Luckily Joe didn't know how to say "idiot kid" in Indonesian.

gellaho

Nwali pulling numbers out of his ass

FancyShark

It's a family recipe and they're a family restaurant, Nwali. It's just business.

gellaho

Brilliant boy detectives

GDC

I think this assassin leader might want to assassinate someone.

gellaho

Brilliant boy detectives

FancyShark

International Terrorist Bob

Brendo

Nwali's telling no lies so far.

gellaho

Master assassin

Brendo

He's just a little ahead of the curve.

Capitalism bombs babies in their cribs and we all call it normal. Nwali is a scalpel in the tools of the beast and we call him Hashashin.

gellaho

I'm pretty sure they don't use dollars over there

Brendo

They use dollars everywhere.

gellaho

Tell that to the card only lines at the grocery store

*Dove

gellaho

Wheeeeee

FancyShark

:hungryshark:

gellaho

Unless they're on the top deck of a cruise ship, he shouldn't be slamming into the ocean

gellaho

The assassin boldly pushes Frank under water, and then tries to stab him through the water

Brendo

*divvied

gellaho

The assassin literally had the edge, given he was holding a knife

He's at the dock, I don't think he needs to swim anymore

FancyShark

Fighting in three feet of water. There are kids playing less than two yards from them

Brendo

SHARK SHARK SHARK

FancyShark

c'mon, shark

Velo

Damn it, Butch!

FancyShark

Wait, crap. Frank's a robot. Sharks aren't attracted to the smell of oil.

gellaho

Frank stupidly saves Butch

FancyShark

A snake?

You have an entire ocean of killer animals and you pick a goddamn snake?!

gellaho

Luckily, he dies from impossibly fast snake venom

FancyShark

Actually, that tracks when it comes to ocean water snakes. They kill, like, insanely fast.

Still, up yours, ghost writer. You could have had a shark and people would have loved it.

Velo

We would have

GDC

At least Frank stole his credit card first.

gellaho

Classic international terrorists, always play fighting and roughhousing

Velo

I'm retconning this to be a shark

FancyShark

I support this

Velo

It was so awesome when a shark killed Butch

FancyShark

Bit him right in half

gellaho

So thicc

FancyShark

"I went to an office supply store. I STOLE IT FROM THE TERRORIST I MURDERED, JOE."

gellaho

Then they get to move boxes around

Super Masculine Construction Supplies

gellaho

Baby helmets are pretty disgusting

Velo

Please say it's a nuke

gellaho

Hey, let's not jump to conclusions, Frank. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for international terrorists to have that

FancyShark

Frank gets radiation poisoning IMMEDIATELY

Hell yes, Velo called it

Brendo

Nwali helpfully asks no questions about the gash on Frank's leg

FancyShark

Boys roughhouse with knife and saw all the time

gellaho

Brilliant boy detectives

FancyShark

"Do you think they'll blow it up?"

gellaho

Oh, just feeling over your head now, Joe?

gellaho

Not the first one where these same terrorists killed your girlfriend or the one where they cloned that girlfriend, and you?

FancyShark

I can't wait to see if this book is crazier than the next one or if the writer legit topped himself when he wrote Dead of Night

Velo

I'm still riding that hydrogen bomb high

gellaho

MUST CONSUME

FancyShark

mmmmm

Atomic Warhead sauce

Meanwhile, here in the Midwest, medium salsa is as spicy as many of us go

gellaho

Hilariously, there's randomly a book between this and Dead of Night. I think it's about crop dusting

Brendo

My guy, ketchup was right there

FancyShark

Hell yes. The ghost writer needed more time to wind up for the clownshit madness of Dead of Night

Brendo

TELL THEM WHY, NWALI

Velo

Just a random adventure with no assassins?

Brendo

I just want ONE Hardy book willing to delve into international fecal etiquette

gellaho

Unfortunately, the west knows nothing of shadow puppets

FancyShark

Never let that dream die, brother

Velo

Thank you, Encyclopedia Brittanica

gellaho

MUST CONSUME

FancyShark

Again, check out this sweet shit

Brendo

I fear the art has much decayed in the last fifteen years, owing to the decadent western dollar

gellaho

Yes, the only reason the economy couldn't support thousands of puppet theaters is America's fault

Brendo

Man, I spend doordash credits on vegetarian taco bell, don't sit there eating your shrimp crackers telling me about my decadence.

Brendo

DIDN'T I SAY

"Come, my friends. I will take you to the brothel. Our boys are second only to Thailand for exotic satisfaction, but I fear their prepubescent art has much decayed since Coca-Cola arrived on our shores."

FancyShark

Jeff Dunham arrives in Indonesia and is reduced to a skeleton by the knives of countless wayang puppeteers. And people who have seen his show.

gellaho

The Tim

FancyShark

"Just nod," Frank whispered to Joe.

gellaho

Why put jewels on the puppets if you only see the shadow

Brendo

I will videotape you, Nwali whispered, that you will forever belong to the Assassins. Then he snickered. Ass, he chuckled. Ass.

Velo

I think Tim might be evil

Brendo

He's a nuclear terrorist, but the man appreciates arts funding.

Velo

For a split second Joe thought "maybe Nwali's right and this giant ugly concrete structure represents the erasure of local culture". Then he thought "nah".

gellaho

Joseph, we do not permit interacting with fe-males

Velo

People can be two things

gellaho

Joe just easily gets away from the international terrorist leader

Velo

Nwali contains multitudes

FancyShark

I hope this turns into a love story between Nwali and Endang

gellaho

Well, you should probably guess CIA then, Joe

FancyShark

He blends right in

Velo

Probably Interpol

gellaho

Or, you know, the secret government organization you are involved in, The Network

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Yeah the Indonesian shadow play traditions are pretty cool. We studied one in school called the Ramayana where the hero Rama slays a demon king with a magic bow

gellaho

A man with a face like the Sun

gellaho

Secret Agent Puppet Show

Yeah, Nwali seems really on it

GDC

Nwali's fatal weakness

gellaho

To be fair, most people's fatal weakness is puppets

FancyShark

"See here, Frank Hardy, how the tassles on the curtains are frayed. Clearly the spread of Walmart is to blame."

gellaho

Western hedonism, like a light bulb

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Fuck you Edison you ruined shadows

FancyShark

Through flashback, we learn Nwali is actually thinking about Punch & Judy

gellaho

His father was killed by a light bulb

Brendo

Yeah, CIA is just international FBI with aviators instead of wayfarers.

FancyShark

The puppeteer to terrorist pipeline is real and unstoppable

gellaho

Espionage Puppeteer

gellaho

It's Spy Puppeteer vs Terrorist Puppeteer

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"you don't understand, this is about ethics in shadow puppetry," Nwali said as he armed the nuke.

Velo

I really didn't expect this book to involve puppetry so much

gellaho

Hey, stupid is all Joe knows

GDC

The only remaining puppet theatres are all just fronts for spies these days

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Wait but he's undercover working for THE SAME NETWORK

WHY ARE YOU PLAYING DUMB WITH YOUR OWN ALLIES

am I wrong? What is happening? Where are my pills?

GDC

You've been trying to contact the network this whole time, that's how that guy died.

gellaho

If you're just going to believe people when they say they're something, I've got a Nigerian prince with a great deal for you

Brendo

Underrated remrk.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Eh I guess that's a point

gellaho

Good thing Endang has indisputable proif: a luggage tag the Assassins were using

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I mean she knows who he is though, so like

gellaho

So, she's either a terrorist or with the Network, which doesn't really help

FancyShark

Yeah, but he's been telling everyone his actual name

gellaho

And all the international crime they've solved

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh they aren't using fake names with the assassins?

FancyShark

Nope

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

I didn't even notice

FancyShark

They're not good at this

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

These guys are the worst detectives

gellaho

Oh, Joe's smarter than I gave him credit for

FancyShark

The last two un-bonked neurons in Joe's skull form a thought

gellaho

But still pretty dumb, considering he'll accept something "close enough"

gellaho

Two equally pronouncible names

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Ok so I must have missed the book before this one. Why would the assassins ever believe that the Hardys want to join them?

FancyShark

"My name is Dan Smith and I wish you'd stop calling me that."

gellaho

And my brother knows nukes, he's building one in the garage!

FancyShark

The Hardys posed as criminals seeking to change their identities and flee the US through an organization that recruited criminals into The Assassins

gellaho

Joe Hardy sentencing another woman to death

Velo

"Who's going to believe that?" Everyone would, Joe

FancyShark

Joe Hardy, Woman Understander

gellaho

Karate

FancyShark

Do it, Endang

gellaho

✅ Redhead

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Oh yeah the one on the boat and then they were on like a weird slave plantation making rich criminal prisoners work the fields or something?

gellaho

Cowboys fan, obviously evil

FancyShark

"So he's twelve years old?"

"Have you ever seen a sport?"

gellaho

He loves everything to do with America, which is why he's working with a terrorist organization to destroy it

gellaho
FancyShark

"He loves everything about America; from your poutine to your Wayne Gretzky"

gellaho

That is a wildly stupid plan

Brendo

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Smith_Will_Teach_You_Guitar

FancyShark

This plan rules

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

A man, a plan, a canal, panama, nuclear explosion

Wait

gellaho

Well, if I can't blow up Panama, I gotta blow up something!

gellaho
GDC

This guy is really passionate about canals

FancyShark

This is amazing

"We could have bought shovels but they're overpriced"

gellaho

Strategic smooch

gellaho

Product placement

Velo

They got $5 for that

FancyShark

As far as contractors go, ones who use a nuke to dig a canal aren't the worst

gellaho

The crazy bastards did it. They gave him a-bomb hair

gellaho

This is a fucking cartoon

Brendo

*dove

You know, you can rearrange Hardy to spell HYDRA

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"I heard you solve crimes and fight the Assassins. Welcome to the Assassins."

Brendo

"That's good, Joe. Give her more tongue. The women of my nation were passionate before your corrupt American culture taught them shame."

gellaho

Aw, Nwali's going to miss his puppet show

Brendo

murcasteam

GDC

This won't go unpunished

Velo

The only solution to this injustice is a hydrogen bomb

gellaho

Off to the Bond lair

Brendo

I hate human beings so much you would stop talking to me if you knew.

gellaho

The three most American things I can think of: the Cowboys, Bogart, and Day-Glo

Brendo

To really sell it, you should probably let me finish inside you just as Nwali walks in.

FancyShark

He's also really into the Louisiana Purchase, for some reason. He puts on re-enactments of it every other Saturday.

gellaho

MUST CONSUME

gellaho
Brendo

The problem with Indonesia is it barely processes its food.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"corruption of the form," Nwali mused as he picked the chocolate off the graham cracker

Brendo

The graham cracker was invented to curb masturbation, which had heretofore been considered a glorious Jakartan art form in public pubic shadow displays.

GDC

Joe snacks like a five year old

Brendo

I worry for the decay of its purity.

gellaho

They get to unload some more boxes and then a sleepover at Americaville

Brendo

If you children only knew how shit this meant the early '90s tech actually was.

State of the art entertainment center 1992 means the TV was barely over half a foot thick.

gellaho

Security keypads work like touch-tone phones, right?

Brendo

The Matrix introduced flatscreens, look it up.

FancyShark

The ghost writer is showing their hand referencing Bogart

GDC

When I was in university I worked for a company that tested atms for security compliance. one of the requirements was that the buttons all had to have the same tone, within a few percent of each other

FancyShark

If there's one thing I've learned here, it's that only the very old think Bogart is still contemporary after 1980

GDC

He should have looked at the other wall with all the snot flicked on it

gellaho

I'm sure the smoothness of the wall isn't important

gellaho
Brendo

I'm seeing a woman who was Lauren Bacall's gofer and I have been biting my tongue off trying not to call her baby.

Velo

Not even slightly important. Weird that the author mentioned it.