130: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #78: Ring of Evil #3: The Pacific Conspiracy Franklin W. Dixon

gellaho

The adrenaline allows Frank to eat spicy food

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Peanuts? She's with them!

FancyShark

Frank briefly considers inconveniencing another hospitable family for food

gellaho

Frank unfortunately decides that Gina needs rescuing first

FancyShark

"Really? That's kind of you."

GDC

Gina is the assassin's go to teenage boy bait.

gellaho

Commas are important

FancyShark

Frank Gina is gonna bust this case wide open

GDC

Frank Gina is a loose cannon, his chief is demanding his badge and gun.

gellaho

Weird comparison

FancyShark

Frank Gina doesn't need 'em. Frank Gina plays by his own rules.

gellaho

Only half an hour to go

FancyShark

"You do know banks have procedures for transferring large sums of money, don't you?"

[silence]

"Sir?"

gellaho

Nwali smacking nerds

gellaho

RIP Russian America nerd

FancyShark

See how easy that was?

gellaho

Well, that's not good

FancyShark

"Our goal of ensuring this year's festival is the best one yet"

gellaho

Good thing that tiny piece of glass held up for a whole hour

gellaho

Endang once again doing everything

FancyShark

Endang would make a good partner to Chet. That clearly will not happen.

Brendo

Do you become king of the assassins with nuclear volcanic holocaust or do you just become mass murderer?

gellaho

Aw, they got married

Brendo

I feel assassins are a 1:1 gig

FancyShark

"Yep. Right now. Yessir."

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"now is the time I will kill you"

FancyShark

"Here, in this moment"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

"I'm super duper about to do it now"

gellaho

Nwali out here going full Dr Kramer from Time Riders

FancyShark

"The world chose this when it allowed shadow puppets to be overtaken by filthy American pogs"

gellaho

The Dutch killed his puppet dream

FancyShark

CALLLLLLED IT

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

So he hates the old culture now?

gellaho

THE ULTIMATE TRUTH, THE ULTIMATE POWER

GDC

Turns out the real assassin was colonialism all along

FancyShark

You don't want it to just go boom now? When everything's going your way?

gellaho

Summersault, summersault to freedom!

FancyShark

It's not like you're getting out of that blast radius

Velo

No but she's going to die so cool

gellaho

Dove, god fucking dammit

gellaho

Oh, and Gina's dead

FancyShark

oh darn

Nice shot, Boris

gellaho

By God, Endang's got the steel chair!

GDC

Another of Joe's romantic interests eats it

FancyShark

OH MY!

gellaho

Let's not feel too bad for the terrorist who threatened to kill millions of people. I know she's pretty

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Bah Gawd stop it Endang! He has a family!

gellaho

Haji helping from beyond time

FancyShark

Harry really was the best of us

gellaho

It's just science

GDC

Shark's autocorrect hates Haji.

Brendo

Boris is the watersnake of people

FancyShark

"Unless he sabotaged it because blowing up the world sounded insane to him"

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

If I get a chance to travel in time and kill one person, I think I'll pick whoever came up with "and the rest is history."

gellaho

When The Tower Treasure was released in 1927, we all knew it would lead to Frank Hardy fighting an international terrorist mano a mano in an industrial elevator inside an active volcano

FancyShark

Hell yes

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Frank is the finest martial artist New Jersey has to offer

gellaho

Frank not doing too hot

FancyShark

Frank! Quick! Remember your snacks!

GDC

If a series goes on long enough, the odds of the protagonist fighting an international terrorist mano a Mano in an industrial elevator inside an active volcano approaches a certainty.

gellaho

Remember your puppet Father, Nwali

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Frank is a guy who can kinda do a sidekick fighting one of the guys from the raid redemption

FancyShark

Specifically, he had Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy

gellaho

Frank uses up all his power in a punch so good, it pleases the gods of Bali

FancyShark

ONE PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNCH!

GDC

Sons of puppeteers are notorious for their glass jaws.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

gellaho

Meanwhile, Joe fights Boris for Gina's... honor?

FancyShark

Didn't make any-

You dipshit. He shot her!

gellaho

Joe's fight goes less well

FancyShark

Joe, remember the snacks!

The countless snacks you've ingested!

Fight for them!

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Joe is more of a Mumen Rider I guess

gellaho

Good news: Haji's here to save the day

Brendo

Haji is Network

FancyShark

Good ol' Hank!

Brendo

Now it is Haji who will be buying Miss Jameson's frottage for YOU my American friend!

gellaho

And all the authorities are here

FancyShark

Now the cops spray Boris with so many bullets

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Gray showed up in a helicopter, I fucking called it

gellaho

Get the nerds in there to disarm the bomb

FancyShark

The lab coats are essential to bomb diffusal

gellaho

And the day is saved, thanks to the Haji Boy

FancyShark

Fuck yeah, Haji. We never forgot you.

GDC

Chekov's Haji

gellaho

"Or any stacked American women?

FancyShark

"Computers? Ew," Mangkupradja said, pushing Haji out of the helicopter

gellaho

You've been Boys for a hundred years, you'll be boys forever

GDC

The Gray man is going to make them men.

gellaho

"There go two women I was interested in," thinks Joe, forgetting about his girlfriend, Vanessa Bender

gellaho

Who may or may not explode in two books

FancyShark

I like how this book went nuts but still couldn't touch the utter madness of Dead of Night

gellaho

Really makes you think

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Let's not suck her ghost's dick too much, Joe. She was a terrorist and now she's dead.

gellaho

Later on, Frank's girlfriend babysits a child

FancyShark

Eddie, no one gives a shit about the baking soda/vinegar volcano

gellaho

Oh, right, my girlfriend

FancyShark

AAAGGGHHHH!

Wait, was she dead?

Velo

Yeah I think she died

gellaho

MUST CONSUME

FancyShark

Ah, thank you!

Velo

Wait no that was Irina

FancyShark

Oh

GDC

Still have time for a last minute chet appearance.

gellaho

And they all laugh at Joe's PTSD

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

The Hardys have probably made some visual aids to keep track of their living and dead girlfriends at this point

gellaho

The End

GDC

Well done, everyone.

Tom Owns Diebel's Grave

Wild

FancyShark

Epilogue: Cut back to the Network operatives.

"Great work, Number One. We couldn't have found this lair or taken out the entire Assassin network without you."

"No problem, sir," says Chet. "Just happy to help."

gellaho

We have defeated The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ #78: The Pacific Conspiracy and The Hardy Boys Casefiles ™️ : Ring of Evil

FancyShark

We did it!

Thank you, @gellaho !

GDC

I'm approaching every Hardy book with this lens from now on.

FancyShark

Stellar riffing all around, everyone!

gellaho

So concludes the 130th Edition of The Book Cage

gellaho

May you never die at the hands of genocidal puppet terrorists

FancyShark

Good night, all!

Brendo

"My girlfriend was shot to death in front of me. Who wants 'za???"

Velo

Got distracted trying to figure out who Vanessa was. Thank you @gellaho !

gellaho

Vanessa shows up in #69, not a joke, Mayhem in Motion. She is the daughter of a cartoonist who runs an animation studio out of a barn