gellaho
That's right, on a special Cyber Monday edition of The Book Cage, we'll be delving into Psi-Man: Main Street D.O.A.
Monday, November 29th, 5pm Est
@Brockway Gimme a pin, or face the one-eyed, psionic assassin Reuel Beutel
41: Psi-Man: Main Street D.O.A. David Peters
#3 Psi-Man
Tags:
He's a mind-force warrior, fighting his deadliest foe in a high-tech playground...
Archive
Brockway
Oh fuck!
gellaho
A real character name, ©️ David Peters/Peter David
Image
They also put Rommel on the back cover, twice
FancyShark
Fuck yeah!
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Oh god no!
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Wyatt Wonder. Alliteration strikes again
Toastygod
I'm so excited. I'm setting a reminder so I don't miss this one
Signore Bastardo
What I'm taking from this is Psi-Man is going to get a lot of children killed at Disneyland.
FancyShark
I look forward to Rommel mauling a child like a squeak toy
gellaho
We got Psi-Man: Main Street D.O.A. beginning in the next hour. Here's the preview
gellaho
Based on Rommel's desc in the last book, I think he might be a little small on the cover
FancyShark
Or the main guy is HUGE
gellaho
Could you even imagine what it would be like in Late November, 2021?
Radio Smasher GDC
The high tech playground has a ferris wheel.
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Punch to neck
FancyShark
The Future!
gellaho
Oh, goodie, new characters
FancyShark
This Fall, on a new season of Terwilliger and The Man
Radio Smasher GDC
Terwilliger keeps bringing the man to midnight screenings of the rocky horror picture Show.
FancyShark
Bullies heard Terwilliger's name and gave up because it was too easy
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
His wife the Woman
Radio Smasher GDC
I hope he steps on several rakes.
gellaho
Nobody screwed with Terwilliger. Except for The Man, which I have already told you
FancyShark
If they screwed with him, he'd do his terwillingest to make them pay
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Because T dog screwed with them first
gellaho
It just goes on and on and on and on and on
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Jake powers. Zack chase. We are to minutes from blast hard cheese
FancyShark
In the future, name changes are forbidden under penalty of death
Signore Bastardo
Psi-Man looks like flash Gordon.
gellaho
Terwilliger hated the tenth amendment
FancyShark
Yeah! Fuck you, self-incrimination!
gellaho
I think Arnie is just magic
FancyShark
The whole analysis was those two sentences
Signore Bastardo
Arnie is what Michael Savage imagines he would be if he were Ben Shapiro.
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Hi there buddy you freaking awesome legend
gellaho
Terwilliger, quite cleverly, dubbed the president "The Man." No one had ever done that before
Signore Bastardo
Not now, Tommy, I'm looking cool for hot '80s chicks.
"Hey, baby, you ever ride in an iROC?"
Because I rock, and you should ride me.
Thank you for joining us here in my Catholic high school parking lot. Stick around for the ska show.
HI TOMMY
gellaho
Terwilliger thought "The Man" vs "THE MAN" was very cool
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
Hard driving senator. Turning gay porn all ready
Outlast the man
Signore Bastardo
Course correct: Terwilliger is Stephen Miller.
FancyShark
Or Steve Bannon
Signore Bastardo
He's bald, twerpy, and full of hate.
FancyShark
Ooh, right. Bald. Yeah, Miller
Signore Bastardo
I'll grant you both probably wrote elementary school essays on control.
gellaho
Pick a lane Peter David
FancyShark
Bannon's essay was something he'd coughed onto the floor that morning
Signore Bastardo
Terwilliger and The Man stood there, each out-vamping the other.
gellaho
Excuse me
FancyShark
If this chapter doesn't end with a kiss, I'll be totally lost
wait, what
Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G
The duck. Howard?
Signore Bastardo
Duck Nuxon, our 46th president
FancyShark
Please be a hand puppet. Come on, Peter David. Go full bananas
gellaho
Is the president required watch duck cartoons? Is that what we replaced the Bill of Rights with?
FancyShark
Oh hell, it's Mallard Fillmore
gellaho
In this universe only one man invents every type of cartoon
FancyShark
A ride that mimics a supernova seems like a great way to sear your retinas away
gellaho
Sounds delightful
A bland duck!? Where do I sign up
FancyShark
And thus a media empire was born
gellaho
They do seem to be political cartoons
FancyShark
Too bad they can't control Wonder's stuff because of that pesky First Amendment...
Signore Bastardo
It was a year off, but this honestly tracks.
gellaho
I see Peter David is stealing from his other gig
Signore Bastardo
https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Mitch_Wacky_(New_Earth)
FancyShark
Mephistopheles opened theme parks?
gellaho
Cartoon shorts, a frequent site in the theaters of the 2020s
Or 1991, when this was written
Signore Bastardo
"Mr. President, people can no longer see the sun thanks to pollution."
"VERY UNFAIR CARTOON"
I can't believe the freaking Sedition Act is still relevant history but here we are.
FancyShark
You know it's the future because The Man can dial using the newfangled rotary dial instead of telling an operator where to call
Signore Bastardo
In Psi-Man's America
gellaho
The president has to personally screen all media
Signore Bastardo
The only possible explanation is AI automate 90% of modern society
There's nothing left to decide except which cartoons are mean.
FancyShark
Man. If only there weren't those pesky laws keeping them from acting against Wonder
gellaho
What a savage burn
FancyShark
I feel like the subliminal message had nothing to do with that
Signore Bastardo
So the First Amendment is gone and the President himself calls you to tell you that you suck. But you're allowed to keep making cartoons if you say he sucks back.
gellaho
Is this book going to be about the assassination of a cartoonist?
Signore Bastardo
This world plays by Coyote/Road Runner rules.
Arnie Terwilliger is gonna meddlesome priest Wyatt Wonder.
gellaho
Welcome to your book, Chuck
Signore Bastardo
Psimple Psi-Man
FancyShark
Ah, the modern man's dilemma: admit the machine is complicated or stare at it until it works
gellaho
I feel like Peter didn't do the math on this
FancyShark
I get ~140 F degrees
So, Chuck's dead
gellaho
How dare this cover rob me of a mustachioed Psi-Man
Signore Bastardo
What's the extent of his pstrength?
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
Fu man chu psi man
FancyShark
How the hell did Fu Manchu stay relevant as a beard style?
Signore Bastardo
I hate the accuracy of this deliberately bonkers world.
"They'll be looking for me in my disguise. My best bet? Look exactly like myself."
"Wait, that's stupid. I'll grow an extremely memorable beard.'
gellaho
Bye, Chuck
FancyShark
Wyatt played a Koopa in the Super Mario Bros movie
gellaho
Weird dude
FancyShark
He's Frankenstein Moe Howard
Signore Bastardo
Are the eyes small because the head is small, or are they small FOR his small head? I bet he looks like the glowy end of an angler fish.
gellaho
Part 1
gellaho
Part 2
FancyShark
"For example, the poors, the coloreds, and the foreign types"
gellaho
Peter is getting excited
FancyShark
Her face has a tattoo that says "Mexican"
Signore Bastardo
"Her tanned legs were splayed haphazardly, like a hastily discarded ragdoll in a wacky invitation to play charades."
gellaho
The president is well-known for his garbage truck assassinations
Signore Bastardo
@Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G come back, I was showing off for the chicks, I didn't mean it.
FancyShark
Hopefully he's just getting dinner
gellaho
Chuck thought it was weird that the cane was half a foot thick and rocket launcher shaped
FancyShark
"Gee whiz," said Chuck. Then he calmly got back in his car and drove away.
Signore Bastardo
This is more coordination than all of the CIA attempts on Fidel's life put together.
To kill Walt Disney.
FancyShark
Next comes the airstrike
gellaho
Oopsie, Chuck missed Connie
Apparently his mind powers require visual contact
FancyShark
At least he can take comfort in the murderous hellbeast he named after a nazi
Signore Bastardo
You know, Chuck, all you have to do is lock the triggers on their guns and nobody will know you were there.
FancyShark
"You're right. I should grow an even larger mustache."
Signore Bastardo
The guy with psychic powers hides behind a dog.
MAKE A BRAINSHIELD
gellaho
Oh wait, that was a different limo full of dead meats
FancyShark
Hi, Jackson!
oh
"Dammit, a not-man"
gellaho
Chuck's powers work only in comical ways
FancyShark
Now it's Bugs Bunny/Elmer Fudd rules
gellaho
God, he's such a wimp
Signore Bastardo
I don't think you get to say "chivalry is not dead" if you're the one doing it.
FancyShark
There is admittedly something funny about so much horror and the hero is a complete doofus
Signore Bastardo
Mr. Magoo in: The Mallard Protocol
gellaho
Lip time
FancyShark
Wyatt is pretty chill about this. He must have drawn doodles of Mohammed as a kid
Signore Bastardo
The mayor sent the limo to carry Walt Wondy?
FancyShark
Sending a car to drive someone to/through LA has to be a punishment
gellaho
The truck stalling really adds to the tension
FancyShark
"Felt like he was driving into hell". Not like that poor bastard you let get gunned down like a dog as he begged for mercy, Chuck
Signore Bastardo
it's 2021 and everyone drives stick.
FancyShark
Hybrid cars in this world just have additional gas tanks ala Road Warrior
gellaho
Third limo
All limos are automatically safe
FancyShark
I'm sure you can protect me, man who is targeted by rocket-launching assassins
gellaho
Wyatt sees nothing wrong with that name
FancyShark
Wyatt, like everyone else, assumes and hopes Chuck said "Ronald"
gellaho
Meet Stanalt Dislee
FancyShark
Pete was gasping for air, pleading for Duck to let him go for the sake of his kids, for the love of God
gellaho
Oh, he's senile. Isn't that cute?
FancyShark
That old man? Orson Welles
Signore Bastardo
His last words?
"Rosebud...
...Wine."
gellaho
Hey, Peter David? Gross
gellaho
FancyShark
ew
gellaho
"Aw, jeez. I'm just on the run from a secret agency that president probably doesn't know about."
FancyShark
Chuck then murdered him so he'd win instead
gellaho
So, does Disney also exist?
FancyShark
You know, it sure would be great if, in the year 2021, people had a means to record things happening around them they could then share those recordings all over the world. It'd make highly public figures hesitate to try flashy stuff like rocket-launcher garbage truck murders
Radio Smasher GDC
I like how he has to randomly stop and explain the concept of Siri in November 2021
gellaho
It was still 150 degrees, but sure
FancyShark
Entrance C, for Connie and Chuck. Wyatt has to go all the way around to entrance W. It's a bad system
Signore Bastardo
I feel like there's way more Wyatt/The Man history than we're hearing about.
Maybe they had a fling in college.
gellaho
The Safest Place in the World isn't exactly the best slogan
FancyShark
If they're not brothers, that's the next logical step
Peter David must have read Starship Titanic
"The Ship Where Nothing Can Possibly Go Wrong"
Signore Bastardo
He probably wrote it under his pen name, Dirk Bafflebutterly
gellaho
I think my favorite part of the cover is the people calmly riding the roller-coaster like it's a bus
FancyShark
Tempting Fate Land never got off the ground
FancyShark
"Hey, check it out. Dude's totally murdering that guy."
gellaho
I forgot he was a gym teacher
Signore Bastardo
I would pay so much money to escape the president and live in the safest place in the world.
FancyShark
Jesus, he's a psychic former gym teacher?
How is this not every origin story?
gellaho
and a circus performer
and a Quaker who hates violence
and an aikido master
Signore Bastardo
Quaker gym teacher sounds like the most intriguing logline on this bingo card
Everybody's an aikido master.
Radio Smasher GDC
That's a Cocktails origin.
Signore Bastardo
Look: ARM BAR THROW there I aikidoed you
FancyShark
Chuck's player rerolled his backstory several times and kept all the results
Signore Bastardo
@Tommyg13, Long Island Iced G come back my sweet internet son
gellaho
This is like if the original plan for Epcot happened
FancyShark
We love you, Tommy!
Ah, that tracks. Walt Disney created his parks to function as mass-human shields too
gellaho
This does not need to be a thing, Peter
gellaho
Ah, another woman for Chuck Simon to ditch
FancyShark
I'll feel a lot better if she turns out to be a scorpion-centaur creature
gellaho
Also, his fake name is Chuck Jones. Thanks for that
Signore Bastardo
Would YOU pretend to be Hanna Barbera?
FancyShark
I think I'd sooner pretend to be Fritz the Cat
gellaho
Welcome to the Meat Room
FancyShark
Then he saw the ape with the cleaver
gellaho
Peter David spends multiple paragraphs explaining "the silence was deafening"
They put Simon is in a separate, very dark room for some reason now
FancyShark
Sorry, Peter, I didn't catch that. Please explain for another chapter
gellaho
This next part hurts my head. This is like the cosmic part of Photon
gellaho
FancyShark
"AND THEN--THERE WAS MOM"
gellaho
Just baffling
FancyShark
Classic Reagan
gellaho
READ THE WORD OF PETER DAVID
FancyShark
"Damn shift key's stuck..."
"HE STOPPED THE LAUGHTER WITH ENTERTAINMENT!"
gellaho
Jesus H Christ
gellaho
FancyShark
AND WYATT WONDER CAN REMOVE YOUR HEARTS WHENEVER HE CHOOSES!
I hope this is just the employee orientation video for the concession stand
gellaho
Peter David working through stuff as always
Signore Bastardo
I know I'm getting old because caps lock is the funniest thing in the world to me now.
So the people who owned these businesses will now get government checks compensating them, which NO OTHER victim of the rampant street violence has.
gellaho
I was truly robbed of this mustache
Signore Bastardo
Remember, all of this is pre-Jemas.
FancyShark
That's right. Comic books are the way to rebel against The Man
oh, I just got that
Signore Bastardo
"Any sign of Psi-Man?"
"Nah, just some guy with a moustache. You know, forgettable type of guy. Hair? I dunno, black but the blonde roots are showing. Really, all I saw was that fu manchu moustache. Like every man has these days?"
FancyShark
Photoshop their sin clean
"He had a dog with him with a matching mustache. Perfectly normal."
Signore Bastardo
Sir, there are reports of men being hurled by an invisible force.
"Dear God...you mean there are now TWO men with TK powers? Chuck Simon and this...this MOUSTACHIOED fellow?"
gellaho
They think it's a bear
FancyShark
The Nebbish Straightman/Belligerent Idiot routine will never not make me smile
Even if their jokes suck
gellaho
Now Simon encounters the senile old man as he wakes
FancyShark
Then the old man shat himself and fell asleep
Signore Bastardo
Wyatt Wonder walked so that Walt could run so that Wacky could FLY!
gellaho
Wheel chairs are far too practical
FancyShark
He's got a Professor X hoverchair
Radio Smasher GDC
That was a very specific train reference.
FancyShark
Peter David looked up "trains" in the encyclopedia and dammit, you're going to read what he found!
gellaho
Unlike Walt Disney, who died from cigarettes, Wes just destroyed his brain with copious amounts of acid and shrooms
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgZOux_mM5c&ab_channel=Genavarrjrisback
gellaho
These are some very stupid details
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
It probably says something when I hear someone discusssing magnetism on bullet trains and my first thought is the Street Fighter movie
FancyShark
Default man is impressed they have default sizes
FancyShark
It says "Raul Julia is perfect"
gellaho
Robin Hood famously wore black
Signore Bastardo
Psi-Man's 2021 cannot co-exist with Steele's world. But then again, our theory is it's the antebellum version.
Violent Bumbling Avenger Javo
Does he think Errol Flynn was zorro?
FancyShark
Princess Bride was out before this book. He could have made an even easier reference
gellaho
Why is this happening
Signore Bastardo
Rewrite this page as if you were Simon Hawke.
FancyShark
"Chuck walked into the room, nysteel boots scraping on the polished floor.
Rommel walked up to him and ripped his lips off before calling him a coward.
Chuck knew he was right."
gellaho
"Oh, right, that chemical waste I swam through for several hours"
gellaho
FancyShark
Also, the fall from the waterfall he in no way cushioned
gellaho
Computers sure are magical
FancyShark
Screwing up and getting innocents killed? Yeah, that is routine for him
gellaho
Yeah, you did great Pete
FancyShark
I like how Pete's wrong both by his own use of that term and the actual meaning of it
gellaho
After forgetting about the plot for an entire book, Peter David decides to return to it
FancyShark
Was Quint in the first book?
More importantly, did he talk about shark eyes?
gellaho
No, but he got a eye patch during the book
FancyShark
Sweet
gellaho
He was in charge of The Complex, aka the secret psychic agency
Signore Bastardo
Your life is what we in the industry refer to as 'Grindhouse bullshit'
gellaho
The Complex, The Council, The Man
Signore Bastardo
Quint appears to remind The Man and Arnie that there are vamps on vamps.
gellaho
Really working hard
FancyShark
You should cover that up, Quint. It could get infected.
gellaho
Seems unnecessary, but sure
FancyShark
Government work goes smoothest when one agency handles everyone's responsibilities
That's why the DMV processes taxes and checks drugs for safety
gellaho
Wyatt better have psychic powers or this bullshit won't make any sense
FancyShark
"We just gouged out their eyes first."
gellaho
"Or most powerful psychics couldn't defeat their retinal scanners...for some reason"
FancyShark
No Bill of Rights, but everyone's on the honor system
gellaho
The technology level is so out of whack
FancyShark
As soon as your skin flakes fall off, they are vaporized
gellaho
If only there had been a woman willing to travel with him! Maybe in the last book. Who could say?
FancyShark
There's that Mormonism
Followed immediately by Creep
Radio Smasher GDC
"Nicely turned" makes it sound like he's describing a horse.
FancyShark
A well-seasoned leg
Radio Smasher GDC
a well-marbled calf
gellaho
Peter David doesn't seem to have a handle on theme parks
FancyShark
That's not a very imaginative name
gellaho
Welcome to Pornland
FancyShark
You could name it something a little less likely to bring in children, like Fuckland
gellaho
Wait in lines, erotically
FancyShark
Sensuously buy funnel cakes at 300% markup
gellaho
RIP birds
FancyShark
"They're actually giant wasps with speakers strapped to them."