3: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #73: Bad Rap Franklin W. Dixon

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I say this because I have found a list

a list by hardy boys fans

of the top 10 worst hardy boys books

and I want to do

the worst one

Science God Q Alchemy

Is bad Rap on the list?

Ferroday, ScapeApe

it's not

Science God Q Alchemy

Damn

Ferroday, ScapeApe

it's not even in top 50 worst

Science God Q Alchemy

They must be pretty bad then

Ferroday, ScapeApe

BAD RAP IS ONE OF THE GOOD HARDY BOYS BOOKS?!

gellaho

It is not

Science God Q Alchemy

Ha ha, holy shit

People like this?

gellaho

They're still trying this business scheme

sensitive New Age jakesy

Who gets to take the tight fist, frank or joe?

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I'll wait til we're done to go on about future hardy boys books

gellaho

I think Randy might be giving it to both of them

Science God Q Alchemy

He's got two hands

gellaho

Here is actual information

Only took until page 136

Science God Q Alchemy

Hey, a clue

Ferroday, ScapeApe

an honest to god clue after 136 fucking pages

gellaho

For some reason, this book is also obsessed with writing a sentence about every meal they've eaten

As though that's important

sensitive New Age jakesy

Need to know what the tight fist is going to find in there

gellaho

They were so sleepy

Science God Q Alchemy

I mean, this author probably grew up in the great depression

gellaho

They needed a nap

Riveting stuff

Science God Q Alchemy

Just really trying to hit that word count

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I've made a horrible discovery that I'll elaborate on after we wrap this up oh god

gellaho

They just introduced the murderer

Ferroday, ScapeApe

FUCK OFF

SERIOUSLY?!

gellaho

Gotta get that in at the end

Science God Q Alchemy

Wow, the killer was completely unrelated to anything else

Great writing

gellaho

How are they going to get outta this jam?

Ferroday, ScapeApe

you can't just introduce one of the primary suspects a dozen pages before the end of the goddamn book you hack

Science God Q Alchemy

Somehow this book is worse than steele

Bike Dancin' Greg

Yeah

gellaho

I don't know, I'm enjoying the lack of rape

Bike Dancin' Greg

Yeah

gellaho

You guys didn't have to read that, but no me gusta

These dipshits are just going to admit to everything

Apparently Sound Engineers are willing to kill at the drop of a hat

Bike Dancin' Greg

Did I miss who did the goofy snake prank? It was right between a bunch of honest murder attempts and didn't make any sense that I could tell

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I mean, have you ever had to do audio mixing?

gellaho

I did for the rap I recorded

This is some of the weakest motivation to murder I've seen

Ferroday, ScapeApe

8 pages left and the characters that have just been introduced are just gonna confess before failing to kill the hardy boys like it's a fucking scooby doo episode

gellaho

"I need to impress my daddy, therefore: murder"

Ferroday, ScapeApe

"I want my record label to be successful, so now I must kill my one moneymaking artist"

gellaho

If this is chump change compared to your inheritance, why bother?

Science God Q Alchemy

Why not just have her father killed?

gellaho

Let's just get rid of all that pesky tension

Science God Q Alchemy

He remember what I fucking said hours ago?

Ferroday, ScapeApe

what the fuck is Beastmaster J even doing at the studio? doesn't he have his own place?

Science God Q Alchemy

you people keep questioning me, but I'm always right.

Ferroday, ScapeApe

isn't he on a competing label?

gellaho

How can you write something like this and think, "yeah, that's fine"

I'll just wrap up all the shit I forgot to do in four paragraphs

Ferroday, ScapeApe

"definitely time for some R and R" is that a legit clever metaphor for how they're gonna get in a threesome with Randy Rand?

gellaho

There's the cover

gellaho

And the rap beef is over, hooray

gellaho

The End

Ferroday, ScapeApe

why didn't we get Randy instead of Mark Wahlberg

The Bloodsucker Proxy

I hope somebody picks up that phone because I fucking called it

Science God Q Alchemy

Did Randy Rand start his career committing a hate crime then getting shredded in prison?

Ferroday, ScapeApe

no he apparently started his career with uplifting if somewhat empty-sounding hip-hop

I have learned

far too much about the hardy boys tonight

gellaho

It's then followed by multiple pages of advertising. The Nancy Drew team up is my favorite

Mostly because it mentions the Hardy Boys "hi-tech action"

Must have missed that

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I learned that this book is the 73rd of the Hardy Boys Case Files which is actually its own series separate from the original Digests

it's literally the gritty 80's reboot of the original 40's novels

gellaho

Yep

Ferroday, ScapeApe

which also got a modern 00's reboot where they're part of a secret organization called, I shit you not, ATAC

standing for American Teens Against Crime

Science God Q Alchemy

Nancy Drew would have solved this case in half the time

Ferroday, ScapeApe

I was wanting to do the worst hardy boys book according to this fan survey http://www.hardyboysonline.net/content.php?page=survey-results

but that apparently only covers the original series

also love that the worst rated hardy boys book is still also the #3 favorite

now I don't know what to do

I don't know if that will be as entertaining as these "hip" 90's case files books

Science God Q Alchemy

Ok, so I cannot track down a copy of what's fair and other stories, it's like shapiro is trying to bury it. I will find a book to share at some point.

gellaho

If you missed the rap, check it here: http://www.gellaho.com/books/hardy_boys

gellaho

We went crazy over the covers to Casefiles(tm) here: https://discord.com/channels/679999969536638977/720408431651192832/791846576665919530

And you fuckers know what's next

Bike Dancin' Greg

Yes!

Science God Q Alchemy

I am absolutely gagging

Ferroday, ScapeApe

it's surprisingly difficult to find consensus on bad hardy boys books

you'd think with 500 books in print someone that isn't an avid fan would have had something to say

gellaho

I think the target demographic doesn't have the means to do any writing

And I don't think there are a lot of adults reading ~100 Hardy Case files books

Bike Dancin' Greg

Thanks for another fun night @gellaho

this is in your honor

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Brockway

Haha wonderful

Bike Dancin' Greg

wish that would have came up as a picture

gellaho

This is excellent

It's hard to believe there were ninjas with broadswords in the Hardy Boys rap mystery

Bike Dancin' Greg

It was the high point of the book for sure

Let's see... it is the 90s and we are making a cool 90s version of gritty reboot of the Hardy Boys.

Corny white rapper? Check. Ninjas? Big fucking check.