Time to return to the wacky time travelling adventures of Dr. Marvin Brewster, the evil wizard Warrick, and the 8 trillion other characters in the Reluctant Sorcerer/Adequate Adept. What does an already too meta sci-fi/fantasy series need? That's right, you need to insert that author into the story, baby! The time has arrived to finish Simon Hawke's fantasy comedy series with The Ambivalent Magician. Coming this Friday, 5pm eastern, bring the pain.
@Brockway pin this or else get pulled into a fantasy world where you'll be forced to make soap and swiss army knives in excruciating detail
Didn't this come out in like 2015
1996
If Hawke thinks this is a "nonstop rollicking adventure romp", something like making coffee or folding laundry must be like a roller coaster to him
And fuck you, Locus
If you don't think the production process behind pig iron isn't hilarious, I don't know what to tell you
Simon writing himself into the story is like the meta verse of 1996 then
Locus is right about one thing: there's a lot of comedic potential in the book. It's just left to rot while Hawke tells us what he watched on TLC
with three exclamation points
god that cover looks like Hawke desperately wanted to be Terry Pratchett
Oh, you have no idea how right you are
The David Mattingly covers were much better
That perfectly encapsulates what a dweebus the main character is
It's also the most fun page of the entire book
I kinda love the two conan side characters at the bottom
throwing up their hands like "why the fuck did you buy this?"
I tried to take a drink every time I caught him imitating Pratchett and I wasn't self destructive enough to keep up.
oh god
I dunno he looks pretty good to me
What the fuck
I thought Jakesey had Gordon Ramsey as his pic
Brockway
pinned
a message
to this channel. See all
pinned messages
.
Excellent
Oh no. I am the Adept
Or whatever
We should have retired the ascot after Charles Nelson Reilly passed on to that square in the sky.
Charles Nelson Reilly passed in 2007, so these ascots are safe
Less than an hour until The Ambivalent Magician. They decided to put a big spoiler in the preview
Sixty years and he never tried that?
Long Dedication on this one
Spreading the blame around quite a bit
I'm only sorta here for the first hour, so I may ask for a recap when I fully arrive.
god damn so many people were involved in this book, it better be amazing
Simon's getting involved immediately
Oh hell ya
oh well, just getting right in there
Ripping the bandage off early
ok im out
fair, I think im gonna stay a bit see where this goes
He does not have time for your shit either
Brace yourself if you stay. These books hurt more than any of the others we've read
You gotta a least stay to read "Hawke moistened his lips"
this is physically painful to read
It's also all about Pittsburg, you love Pittsburg!
Always draw your reader in by telling them what you're doing for them is a massive chore
I have some doubts about this one
Of course you do, Hawke
Except they word it more like "when will this shit be over?"
so that's why it's called fantasy fiction
He's a very busy man
"I will not have my readers thinking I'm a sloppy writer"
Hmmm 1996 right? What was the serious book
Oddly, it was Infinite Jest
is this just a phillip k dick style mental breakdown he's having that he then published?
He did this shit in the last two books too
https://www.ebay.com/itm/174456523823
Because he thinks it's clever
Say goodbye to Teddy
It looks like it could have been a D&D novelization he was working on
Dialogue's more sexually charged than he probably intended
Even if it was clever, it's not 3 times in a row clever
Whims of creation came out around then too
I am so fucking mad you guys
Good. You're in the right headspace for this book then
I thought you liked metatextual stuff
fuck you
The upside of being a writer in 2022 is your checkbook balances itself on Mint. The downside is writing no longer pays. So you get none of my tears, Hawke.
I can't believe this is real
Here, have a Heathcliff
https://www.gocomics.com/heathcliff/2014/06/19
imagine being a student and finding out this dude is teaching you how to write
My Nervous Breakdown by Simon Hawke
So, be very very specific about the wizards power level? that's not good writing advice tbh
Hitting a little close to home, Professor?
oh god imagine Simon Hawke as a doctor?
Jesus, Simon. Do some journaling or something
Mystical phenomenon are best when they're rigorously quantified.
"We can't remove his cancerous testicle are you mad? he'll lose all humanity"
This actually might be right around when he quit teaching and writing and worked at Home Depot full time
There's no joke there, that's what he did at some point
Brandon Sanderson believes so too but he's also wrong
That tracks
he couldn't even get another teaching job?
At least he's not ripping off terry pratchett or douglas adams yet.
Give it time
I'm having a great time
is that what he's trying to do?
In his blog he said he was just fed up with the life and that Home Depot actually paid him benefits unlike adjunct professoring
he's very bad at it
wow holy shit really?
the fuck is going on colleges
The fuck is going on EDITOR?
Something for all the Hawekeheads
Hahaha
had he considered not sucking shit
Yermakov joke
Adjuncts are the slave labor of Universities
Knowing he was going through a rough patch in his life does explain these books a bit
We've talked about this before and despite all of …this, I'm Team Hawke all the way
These books are an endurance test
And now we resume the journalist and the naked mental patient
oh hell, this subplot
what the fuck is happening?
A reporter broke into a mental ward and hid in a random room that happened to contain a nude young woman
And he helped her escape
For some reason
....
what does any of this have to do with the wizard
Some fantasy bullshit is bleeding into the real world and this guy is investigating it
you know what I think javo had the right idea
She escaped on her own and hid in his car if I remember
Colin Hightower: the most hated reporter
I honestly can't remember a lot of the details from this subplot
I expect Hawke to give us a full biography on each of those reporters
And Lake Michigan
Here you go
Ah, thank you
Wait, I hate this
Wait isn't this post-apocalyptic? Glad to see the cast of 60 Minutes survived.
No this is a different series
For once, there's no apocalypse!
Same author though
"I'm very concerned about how dry your lips are."
We read so many books where the author occasionally forgets his own setting.
I like how a worldwide event is only being examined by one hated journalist
This is why worldbuilding is so important.
Meanwhile, Marvin Brewster is about to meet some dwarves
I'm sure he'll treat them with dignity
He already has a leprechaun. He can't make them all Irish
Dwarves are just scottish leprechauns.
Wait
Before he meets them
everyone take bets on odds of a Snow White joke
Do you think he's going to talk about their tiny 10 inch lats?
If Dwarf Ice shows up, I will forgive everything he's done
Are you ready for a song?
Hi ho?
Partly
Rapping dwarves
But then: that's Stuart Scott's music!
I...did not predict rapping
Very small
This next part will blow your mind
oh no
This goes all over the place
Oh my god
Holy shit
So close to Small Ice
WE WERE SO CLOSE!
HOLY SHIT
Lol
the cover artist was too much of a coward to depict this
Well, Shark, you called it.
I don't see mention of the Duke of Hell. Forgiveness is still withheld
By the way, the hits keep coming
Ha. Ha.
Remember: Swiss Army knives are a great gift
is there anything on god's earth worse than bad comedy
Meanwhile: fantasy gentrification
Adventure!
Endless descriptions of fake business dealings?
@GDC and a bucket of shuriken , take a shot. This is attempting to Pratchett
Worry about the imminent riots in Pittsburgh
Ooh, yeah this is real Ankh-Morporky.
They should relax. Hawke only threatens to have plot developments
Simon Hawke muses on the nature of wealth
Dammit, take a shot
Seems like a normal day in Pittsburgh
Your lesson for today is about banking
Take a shot
I am taking a shot but its Russian Roulette instead
And then, insurance
DAMMIT, TAKE A SHOT
I'M NOT EVEN TALKING ABOUT DRINKING NOW. SOMEONE SHOOT THIS BOOK.
This is how I die.
Uh, that's a terrible picture.
The worst part of the bank talk is that Pratchett wrote about banks after this was published
Don't you want to know about their corporate structure?
Fuck, we found what Simon read about for this novel
Fantasy jews
Oh NOOOOOOO
He accidentally wandered into the wrong classroom one day and stayed for a macro econ lesson
Jesus, this business talk is endless
Thank you for not posting all of it
Secession to avoid taxes
"And document every step of the process!"
What you want in a ruler is a former murderer and step-sibling lover
Assassin's guilds, of course.
worked for Rome
Which time?
Ah, so Australia
Footpads and Assassins Guild
I named it the best joke in the first book
It makes an acronym!
Honestly, it was the best joke of the first book
oof
we've moved from business to nation building
It managed to sound less hate-crime-y, but it was still dated
This series is a great example of how world building is not the same as a story
Missed a y there
I was joking about documenting every step, but this is still not surprising
Got 'em
Take that, town Hawke definitely didn't pick at random on a map
OK, so, there's a joke here but he missed it
And I'm no comedian, but the joke should be that he's making soap in order to make people smell better, but the process of making soap makes everything smell bad
that's the irony
instead we spend a lot of time talking about soap production
I think he was leaning too heavily on thinking that spam is a funny word.
but he doesn't even play that up enough
Too eager to explain the rendering process
Is this one of those scenes where we realize the author has a fetish?
If I wanted to be playing Civilization, I'd be doing that
Possibly
These books are more like he reads encyclopedia entries and regurgitates them onto the page
Simon Hawke isn't particularly coy on what he's into
Lips, mostly.
It's giant black dudes and redheads
Enter chamber pot
I'm not comfortable with him saying "young girls"
Similar SAG joke
So the war is being fought via economics?
We asked this in the last two books, but who the hell is this series for?
Black men who love redheads?
Simon forgot this was a comedy
Royal gossip enthusiasts who are into pissplay?
Redheads and svelte aggressive women. Dr. Stone and Raven respectively
Can't see anything wrong with that
But this has enough lore and minutia to keep a hardcore fanbase busy. And nothing to actually build that fanbase
Aluminum coins
oh hell
Brewster started out as an absent minded professor who only cared about science
Now he knows all this economics shit
He has done zero science since he arrived, outside of the basics involved in manufacturing
This is what I'm dealing with
JFC
Like half this book is entry level econ
Why though
Someone published this
Someone paid Hawke money for this after he turned it in
Have a lip
There are reviews of this book online. There are people that love it and call it hilarious
Are we in some hell dimension?
You're doing a great job so far
From what I've seen, most fantasy and scifi comedy books are terrible
Comedy is hard
especially when you are not a comedian
Brewster cared so much about making a time machine, he neglected his wife. But he's self-aware enough to make light of what's going on
Like seriously go try to do stand up at an open mic night and you'll be humbled
Absolutely
Stop saying nickallirium.
I said, replying to a much earlier post.
Unfortunately some people just think they can try to be funny and it ends up like this
Still dealing with this in the third book
This for an audience of nerds who only read pulp fantasy and scifi
Which is an audience that does not really exist anymore
That's all I read and I hate this.
well, if you are here I assume you've been exposed to actually comedy
Even if we weren't a group that loves great comedy, this book would offend those sensibilities
And we're back
Just kill him, Hawke
Someone in the Star Trek camp didn't pay Hawke
Hey, more proof the publisher didn't read this
Assuming this one
Even Picard looks disappointed
Listen, Simon Hawke got Star Trek: TOS #69. That's why he's a king
Nice
I don't fault him either of those.
Okay, I'm actually here now. Who are the characters and what is the plot?
We don't know
Too many and there isn't one
I could also use some
Hawke self insert is bitching about not getting paid and the other characters are trying to start a business
And a kingdom
The simple farming town Brewster crashed in is becoming gentrified and rich, and has decided to secede from the kingdom
I am too forgiving of self-inserts. Grant Morrison ruined me.
This apparently is ruinous to the villain, who has spent the whole time arguing with Hawke
It just makes me love Hawke.
Don't worry. That will change
The man wants his check, OK
Yeah except this self insert is literally him talking to the characters directly
Hawke opened the book bitching about how much he hates writing