gellaho
Michael Blood and Billy Slade
![](https://gellaho.com/rails/active_storage/blobs/redirect/eyJfcmFpbHMiOnsibWVzc2FnZSI6IkJBaHBBblFyIiwiZXhwIjpudWxsLCJwdXIiOiJibG9iX2lkIn19--fb88dafe71df047902591179a97e6708da8a54bf/IMG_20220318_184505__01.jpg)
Michael Blood and Billy Slade
How dare they call him after a Rob Liefield book
Billy Slade: Silly Blade for hire
I'm surprised Hawke still had any blood in his brain from having an erection this whole time
Jesus, Hawke. There are other types of women
I hate that other than goth girls who look like Gaiman's Death, Hawke and I have all the same tastes in women.
Simon Hawke speaks for us all
I like 'em strong, I don't apologize.
Here he muses on magic transportation
Just uses horses and the wind, people.
Aviation would be a rich privilege. Everyone else would take schooners.
I know what that's like, Wyrdrune. I have to use the emergency exit row
Adepts really seem like more trouble than they're worth
"Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael, Mike, Michael, Mike, Mikey, Michael"
Seems like this system could be optimized
Mickey, Mick
OK, I guess I need to look up what tatterdemalion means if he's going to use it all the time
1 : ragged or disreputable in appearance. 2 : being in a decayed state or condition : dilapidated.
it's like a guttersnipe on vacation
Ragged seems easier
Or tattered, considering that's the beginning of the word
Ooh, look at the big shot, thesaurus-owning author over here
Blood's lucky Jack the Ripper is around or he'd need therapy
Oh, fuck yes. "It's a blade dance all the way?" Hell yeah
Simon, you are far too kind
Hahaha he's doing the “what does it mean to be human” thing again
Never change, Simon
Michael Blood, easily frightened by the phone
"Hi, this is Jack the Ripper. I'm at the police station and waiting to be arrested."
Andrew Lloyd Blood, writer of Phantom of the Blood Bank and Leeches
shit, Bats was a better joke
I thought this was pretty good till he wandered off the metaphor.
Excuse me. One does not "learn" to become a shark
Yeeessssss
“It's a blade dance all the way” is for sure my new catch phrase
Lord Wanking Bumkisser Earl of Carfax
Joey is a master of subtlety
Jack forgot to explain "low profile"
California Man in 1969: "Can't you tell, I'm the Zodiac!"
Simon's understanding of the stock market leaves something to be desired
"It's all bells and whistles. And then you have money."
Hmmmmmmm, no. Nah
uh oh
Simon, this is where you need to reel it in
Well, good news, Terri is still alive
Kidskin
Wow, Simon is horned up
Oh no Simon pull up! Pull up!
Or stop pulling! Walk away!
Seriously, this is making the horniness of the Psychodrome cat-people look like Quakers
. . .
Meanwhile, Kira and Wyrdrune are also in this book
"Always bet on black."
This is some Hellfire Club shit.
It's weird that Wyrdrune keeps calling Kira kid. I think they are the same age
Maybe he's from medieval Boston?
It causes some gross implications
Aw, fuckin' A
Joey was sulking in crime alley a week ago.
MEANWHILE
Hawke really coming back to life after the divorce that led him to write STEELE.
You're never completely naked when you're wearing a ballgag.
We are off the lip charts
LIIIIIIIIIIIPS
Steele's still two years off. And presumably 5 books away
Lol she stood still, yet her tits were still bouncy
Were they magic tits?
"Her sufficient breasts imperceptibly quivered without significant weight."
I'm sure this ended well
Did Hawke have an affair? Is that what killed his marriage? Was this written when it started?
Djonin, is this how it works?
Also you need to say this in the Joe Pesci voice
Were dey majick tits?
Wuhh dey MAJ-ictits?
Modred has spent his time killing rats
hahaha, holy shit. He killed enough to make a bed
A visit from Jack
Gotta level up somehow
Beau Brummel?
Simon innovating new ways to moisten lips
Fuck if I know
Hahahaha
A true lip genius
"That's not a name."
We live in a world without Jack the Ripper but everyone knows Beau Brummel.
Cyclops
Is that a real person?
*A true genius
Modred going all Tony Stark
MEANWHILE: SNACKING
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beau_Brummell
That's some neck on that dude
Punchable.
Wyrdrune thought it odd that ALL AMERICAN FOOD didn't serve British cuisine
Metal
It goes without saying that Kira's going to end up in fetish gear at the incel guy's house, right?
Wyrdrune teleports to get a paper
You know, Simon Hawke excels at this 1980's boob comedy buffoonery
Really should have written some
Nah, that'd never get published
This is genius
What's weird to me is that he didn't go this route with his comedy books
hahaha
Yeah, he can clearly do slapstick. What the fuck was Reluctant Sorceror?
I don't know
This works
The short order cook turned to face the camera. “It's a livin!” He shrugged
This is why Jagged Steele was so good
All that's missing is a saloon piano player
Wyrdrune can teleport but takes planes?
Teleporting is tricky
Oh, I love it
Look, it's the apocalypse. Anything can happen
I think the energy it takes is proportional to how far you go
Simon Hawke: Master of Tonal Transitions
He's even got the snappy dialogue working. Reluctant Sorceror was a catalogue of encyclopedia entries and shitty puns. WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT, SIMON HAWKE!
Goddammit, even the werewolf murder investigation is good
THIS BOOK IS GOOD AND THAT MAKES ME ANGRY
He can do goofy, I don't know why he attempted clever
All Hawke is good
Except the one rapey Steele
The one?
And even that gave us the Voice of Doom
There were two
Cold Steele had to be the worst though
Milan Steele doesn't count
No, no, Killer Steele was
That was the one with his daughter
Ah yes
Yeah, that excerpt you guys shared was...I don't want that
Anyway, dead brother
See, it's funny he's talking about discipline because the werewolf was a dominatrix
That's called dramatic irony
Subtext
Hyphen-Smythe
These names!
More, Simon!
I see what you did there.
A man has been brutally eviscerated. Round up the usual sex pests.
I do love the guy named Blood though
My book is now going to feature a similar cop character, John Gun
It's a ridiculous name and it works so well
And he's an interesting character!
This comedy is so much better than it was several years later
What happened in that divorce, Simon?
I want more boobery, Hawke
Wife left him for a gay etch-a-sketch
Upbraiding?
Hawke's loving his thesaurus
I hope that reporter just yelled "Blood!" and no one paid attention
I'm glad he's sticking with Hyphen-Smythe
He walked out to the throng of reporters and addressed them. “Whoever this killer is, there's about to be 🤏😎🤏 Blood on their tracks”
Sticking with tatterdemalion I see
"This killer's gonna wish he hadn't gotten 🤏 😎 🤏 Blood on the streets"
Blood gape is a bad turn of phrase
So Merlin's just been sitting there waiting for Blood to listen to him?
Everyone bumbles into the police office
He's Pratchetting again
Do Billy and Kira know each other?
Merlin does
Merlin knows everyone
oh right
Blood takes some time to question the reality
Bold to wait this long to explain what readers of the first book know
Oh, the 80s and travel
Um, guys? The murders?
No, you're right. Lecturing on IDs
Merlin teleports everyone to his penthouse
Seems like you could have done that sooner to get Blood to listen to you, but go ahead Merlin. You do you
"I had many bastard charlatans, Wyrdrune"
Casually tossing out names cuz why not
Blood's taking these people who want to help him catch his brother's killer pretty by-the-book.
"Sure. Ancient demon-spawn sorceror. Heard it all before."
Makepeace makes Blood get drunk
For the record: still hearing Ed Wynn
"Wyrdryne! You're not gonna go Turbo, are you?"
Billy's back, and incomprehensible
Billy drinks like a noir detective
Billy had to grow up fast on the mean streets of Gutterton.
Malion St. is unkind to innocents
Fagin was so proud of him
Simon Hawke was ahead of the game on making fun of pickup artists
I'm okay with this guy getting disemboweled by a werewolf
I'm sure Roger's making it out of this alive
Lips say nay
It's weird that we're getting men murdered after being seduced by beautiful women after Joey killed a woman and said she'd never tempt any man again
Joey has no itinerary.
Terri's got some issues
ohhh, okay. So Jack the Ripper is a murder genie awakening people's bloodlusts
And no one caught him for the Whitechapel murders because it was multiple people
Right, Simon?
She secretly visits Modred
Women be loving their jewelry
I'm pretty sure he's one of the Dark Ones released at the end of the last book
That would make more sense
Roger's really bad at identifying the working girls.
She leaves just as Modred takes some of her life essence, rude
Tough luck, Modred. I've had that happen plenty too
Just gotta get up, dust yourself off and-
oh right, the chains
Stephie with the legs
In the magic future, streetwalking is still the best method for this
Life before the int must have been hard
Vice cops love doing this for fun
This sting operation does not go well
Nothing a woman cop trying to break through the macho gatekeeping loves more than doing a turn for the men making her dress up like a hooker.
(that was supposed to be in reply to Shark)
"CUTCO OFFERS FREE SHARPENING FOR LIFE!"
Meanwhile: blood hangover
Simon was on one's, dude
Really on one
I'm going to need a cold shower after this book
Tone it down Simon
Did they all fuck last night?
Did Blood sleep through an orgy?
Meanwhile: British names
"Blind Walter Higginsby, Jeremy John Jamesonshire, the Earl of Ipswich, Eastwick and Shropshire, and Irish Bastard Timothy"
The Blood family has a lot going on
Lot to unpack there
I'm docking you points, Simon, for the crack at feminists. But I'm giving those points back for the drag queen angle.
Having your first threesome with the Maiden & Mother of the weird sisters the night after you sketched your brother's mutilated corpse. #BloodLyfe
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree
Somebody check Urban Dictionary for what it is when you and your son get sexually murdered by the same woman
I think that's a "Last Crusade"
I think it's an Inverse Last Crusade
That reads like it's Michael's thought though.
Llewellyn! Good heavens, a Welsh under THIS roof?
I guess technobabble works when you are talking about magic computers
There's no "cover hacking evidence" spell?
Oh, looks like Royce might still have a chance
C'mon, Blood. You're a cop. If this was Chicago, you'd have the evidence fabricated already
Popular culture has taught me to be instantly suspicious of any woman trying to seduce me.
He done did it
Impotence: It Can Save Your Life
Hello, font change
Hey there Westminster
We could honestly be 60 pages in, I have no idea.
Even the font is British
153
God, I am not in the head space to parse these font changes
Borrowing a phrase, I blame endless fairy scotch
Are we going to manage to finish this book in one read?
@FancyShark you wanted conservatively dressed? Here's magic conservatively dressed
Ahhh, finally. I feel grounded now. Thanks!
ideally
A change, which had come over him, seemed to come over him.
I am going to go eat a sandwich.
I don't know what BOT means, they just kind of started saying it
Bureau of something Thaumateurgy
Remove something
Honestly, probably just Bureau Of Thaumaturgy
hahaha, right on
Is someone going to submit a Carfax report?
I'm sure it's good for a thirteen year old to smoke, right?
I mean, I haven't been fired as a babysitter or uncle yet
Crunchy lungs are healthy lungs
Oh, Simon, you know me better than I know myself
Blacmange
I thought blacmange were supposed to be good?
Why are all these books so French
You don't know what a melee is? Really?
You'd think a cop would know the terms for "loosely controlled brawling"
Joey/Jack turned into a snake earlier. I guess that was literal
Science!
Weird punishment
An American Werewolf In The Can
There's a theme in the women's clothing
But I can't put my finger on it
She's going for revenge, I guess
Lord Carfax has used his horny ray
Lord Carfax likes to watch
MOISTEN THE LIPS
Bring the woman that was repeatedly victimized in the last book and the oddly-attractive 13 year old boy to the psycho's rape orgy. Great plan.
I don't think I've ever seen one of these chapter breaks happen so soon
I'm confused how her dress got there
Didn't she leave the room it was in when she turned into a wolf?
She lets Modred out
LIIIIIPS
Getting moistened
Well, dampened
Really using the thesaurus
woozy, turning, dizzy, dizzying, giddy, revolving, rotating, spinning, unstable, whirling and lightheaded.
Two can play this game
Things are accelerating quickly
Guns remain the trump card
Is this the part where Joey/Nigel explains everything to the Hardys?
Is this the horniest we've ever seen Hawke?
I think so
Definitely the horniest I've seen him. I wasn't there for the Steele books