gellaho, Bringer of Apes
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6: Renegade Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)
#5 Steele
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Steele Must Die!
Archive
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
"An Invitation to Madness"
not actually a Dr Mithritic
@gellaho, Bringer of Apes
Is this today?
sensitive New Age jakesy
It’s every day
But yes, also today
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
most excellent
sensitive New Age jakesy
I have a meeting at 2 and I’m so pumped to turn off the camera and pretend to listen while Steeling
Science God Q Alchemy
It's today?
Hell yeah
Djonin Foxman
I’ve already scoped out patrol routes with minimal camera coverage to read along
Old Man Brendan
STEELE O'CLOCK, YOU POPINJAYS
ShmupDogJoe
OOOOOOOOOOOH!
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
Little delay, work is being annoying
Old Man Brendan
There is no work but our great work.
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
OK, fuck it. Somebody said they wanted to call me then disappeared for 5 minutes
They can suck it
It's after 5
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hell yeah fuck work do Steele
Djonin Foxman
It’s inspiring as a cyborg fake cop to listen to tales of a fake cyborg cop
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
sensitive New Age jakesy
He must really hate Marge huh
Or really want to fuck Marge. One or the other, or maybe both
Old Man Brendan
Marge is his gun
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
he watches Homer's buffoonery and grits his teeth
"I'd treat her right" he says
Literary Chimera, Porn Mercenary
I mean, who doesn't want to?
Old Man Brendan
r/nicecyborgs
Djonin Foxman
I need eggs
For Bart
gellaho
So, we start with ol' Devy Coops. A character that was completely absent from the last book
Last we saw him he was devastated by drugs and drink. Let's see what he's up to now
sensitive New Age jakesy
Surely not ravaged by drug, drinks, and time
Old Man Brendan
The codename is the operative's name
gellaho
All better
He had a miraculous recovery, I guess while he was not doing anything last time
Djonin Foxman
Good for him
Old Man Brendan
He went to rehab.
His lats are almost back to normal.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Are his lips properly moistened though
gellaho
The CIA kept him locked in his apartment under constant surveillance
seems like a healthy way to recover
gellaho
he's drinking lots of coffee so he's probably dehydrated
sensitive New Age jakesy
Not a great sign , better get lickin’
Djonin Foxman
I misread that as fell asleep beside him.
Old Man Brendan
At least he has a short commute
Science God Q Alchemy
He's got a team of four cia agents just to keep him sober
Also the cia still exists
gellaho
Who had page 6?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think we’ve established that the apocalypse was a minor inconvenience
Djonin Foxman
“What is a dick without a human soul behind its cum?”
Science God Q Alchemy
"he can still fuck and produce offspring, what more reassurance does he need that he's still human"
Djonin Foxman
I remember when my partner got an insulin pump
Science God Q Alchemy
"God he is being just a massive baby about this whole robot brain thing."
Djonin Foxman
He was afraid his children would know his soul was gone
And the rest of the officers were afraid he’d go haywire
Science God Q Alchemy
"he's still got his dick what else do you really need?"
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
"What use is a fully-functioning and just, so huge, dick if it's wielded by a mere automaton??"
Djonin Foxman
Poor bastard. Poor wind-up bastard
Science God Q Alchemy
His wife asked that once, but it was before he was a robot
Old Man Brendan
The child is healthy...but soulless.
Science God Q Alchemy
So much attention is paid to Steele's dick in these books.
Djonin Foxman
I want to see people with glasses act like old sci fi cyborgs.
gellaho
See subject file, subheading: Recap
Djonin Foxman
“Is what I see even real if it’s behind glass?”
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
soul is stored in the balls
Old Man Brendan
God, just hyperlink it, Dev.
Science God Q Alchemy
I do think donovan steele is dead, and steele just has all his memories. And like three other people's memories.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Pee is stored in the balls, soul is more taint-adjacent
Djonin Foxman
Cum is stored in the brain
gellaho
In case you missed it, that's subheading: Matrix
Science God Q Alchemy
They basically just bolted his dick to an ai driven cadaver puppet
Djonin Foxman
Code name: Steely Dan
Old Man Brendan
Would the ultimate killing machine even work without a dick to fight for?
Science God Q Alchemy
His ex said steele fucked like a robot, but the robot actually fucks better than him.
Science God Q Alchemy
His partner lost control and went insane, know why?
Robot penis
sensitive New Age jakesy
How much do dicks matter in the Matrix (subheading)?
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
imagine what his sexual encounters must be like now
"Steele, you're pushing rope here"
"I HAVE NO SOUL"
"goddammit this again"
Djonin Foxman
Metal Gear Solid: the Phantom Peen
gellaho
"You need to understand how hot this lady scientist is" - JD Masters
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean, they define his humanity so much around his reproductive capacity, as though goddamn cockroaches don't have dicks and fuck
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
Hellooooooo Nurse!
Djonin Foxman
Green eyed redhead scientist lady
sensitive New Age jakesy
Again, voluptuous = big tiddies
Djonin Foxman
Tale as old as sci fi
sensitive New Age jakesy
Make sure they know she’s a big titty redhead who’s also a scientist
Old Man Brendan
"She was so fuckin' hot but, oh--also SMART, you guys."
Djonin Foxman
I choose to interpret that as she’s thicc
I reject his reality and substitute my own
Death of the author
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean that’s the correct interpretation but there’s no way masters knows that
gellaho
Lady scientist is a little judgy
Science God Q Alchemy
"don't just judge her by her looks, the very first thing I described of her character"
sensitive New Age jakesy
They’re so scared of Ice
gellaho
Scratch that, very judgy
sensitive New Age jakesy
Foreeeeeeshaadowing
Djonin Foxman
Ice is such a bro
Old Man Brendan
She calls her a little hooker like she wasn't rescued from sex trafficking.
Djonin Foxman
I’m glad people in universe recognize how cool it is to be friends with Ice
gellaho
JD Masters (of writing women)
Old Man Brendan
"Raven knew men like Dev wanted her body, and she wasn't afraid to exploit that to get them to fund her doctorate studies so Jennifer had to respect her."
Djonin Foxman
Haha what the fuck
Where did that come from.
Science God Q Alchemy
Why so much speculation about how she fucks?
Old Man Brendan
OH THEY GONNA FUCK
Djonin Foxman
Someone get saxquatch on the phone
sensitive New Age jakesy
Masters has never looked at a woman without wondering how she fucks
Old Man Brendan
Wait so a DIFFERENT redheaded tig biddy scientist had sex on Higgins's desk?
gellaho
no, that's the same one
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think they’re all the same big tiddy redhead
They just introduce her like a new character every time
So Masters can talk about said juggs
Djonin Foxman
I hope that desk gets sterilized
Old Man Brendan
But Matrix broadcast footage of them boinking
gellaho
Unsophisticated? I'll have you know that Ice reads old books
Old Man Brendan
We'd better erase Steele's memories of Steele being upset about erasing his memories so we don't have to tell him we're erasing these other memories.
gellaho
This lady fucked Higgins and immediately became an asshole
Old Man Brendan
Hookers and Gangstas (TM) can be sophisticated Jennifer, you yutz.
sensitive New Age jakesy
My God!!!
Think of the computers!!!
Old Man Brendan
I can't believe I'm siding against the brainy hot redhead character.
gellaho
"God, they're all so fucking hot!" - JD
Science God Q Alchemy
There's still a supreme court and lower courts
Djonin Foxman
The logistics of this government confuse me
Old Man Brendan
The court rules Steele's dick is human and therefore entitled to the full archive of his spank bank.
gellaho
And Steele out here in a high backed chair reading books. I think JD's completely forgotten his character
Djonin Foxman
More than the existence of a black gang in Wyoming
Science God Q Alchemy
So like, can he get drunk?
His brain is a computer
Djonin Foxman
What sci fi book is going to be name dropped
Old Man Brendan
Scotch and also the Scotch was Glenlivet
Djonin Foxman
My money is Heinlein
Old Man Brendan
TIME WARS
gellaho
Dickens
Old Man Brendan
But his liver is made up of all the parts of his penis they couldn't save
Is the Dickens human or robot?
Djonin Foxman
What the fuck
gellaho
Sophisticated Steele (tm)
Djonin Foxman
I don’t think anyone had Charles dickens
Old Man Brendan
Meh, Dickens is pop lit.
Djonin Foxman
Oh yeah, he’s reading a middle school assigned book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also this Steele is somehow so focused he doesn’t want to fuck Raven even though she’s looking fine as hell. What a man!
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
His back is to her.
gellaho
I guess he just likes wasting resources in the post-apocalypse
Old Man Brendan
Steele is a lego man in a play doh world.
sensitive New Age jakesy
That is pretty hilarious. He’s so smart he reads 100 page books you heard of
gellaho
Great Expectations is way longer than 100 pages
it's also very boring
until that lady gets set on fire
Djonin Foxman
It serves as a decent critique of popular genre fiction of its time
But it’s boring
Old Man Brendan
I'll give it this: it ends on socio-existential horror.
"Steele flipped through Wuthering Heights for the 29th time that evening. HOW did this make it into the annals of literary history? His computer brain overheated to ponder it."
Djonin Foxman
Great Expectations is a parody of a genre that doesn’t really exist anymore
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think I was imagining To Kill a Mockingbird
That seems more like Steele’s pace
gellaho
It's a much better book
Djonin Foxman
Steele would read “How to Kill A Mockingbird”
sensitive New Age jakesy
All them assigned readin’s blend together for me too, Steele
Old Man Brendan
Do you think Masters would recognize a book arguing passionately for the need to recognize Black people's humanity? I do not.
Djonin Foxman
Steele in his reading chair with his scotch. I feel like he should be smoking a pipe too
Old Man Brendan
The mark of a cultured man is how long he can refuse sex to pursue the middling arts.
If alcohol has no effect on him, he should stop wasting scotch.
gellaho
Matrix just out here making inconvenient calls
Old Man Brendan
Transatlantic commerce is at a standstill
A computer calls him to chat and he wants to debate ontology.
gellaho
JD is a weird dude
The Matrix is obsessed with sexual pranks
Old Man Brendan
so did he just...skip over other calls until he found a hot one?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Matrix Steele has all the horny genes now
gellaho
Here's another one
playin' the hits
Djonin Foxman
Gay women talking dirty on the phone
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, Dev was definitely in rehab.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Matrix loves revenge porn
Djonin Foxman
I keep trying to think of a punchline but it’s just so childishly dumb a sentence.
Old Man Brendan
Jennifer's definitely a clasp on the front type, we agree this?
gellaho
I'm sure the matrix did it to prove a point. Not that it's horny because it has no dick, human or otherwise
Also "I want you to explain to Steele about me"
sensitive New Age jakesy
The ol’ Fort Knox bra
gellaho
That's a sentence
Old Man Brendan
so is Matrix just out there copying itself to backup drives that PD (Codename: Project Steele) doesn't have access to? That's...someone should keep an eye on that rogue AI
gellaho
Lol, they thought Dev was on a phone sex line
Just another sexy prank from the matrix
Djonin Foxman
Matrix doesn’t seem concerned that he doesn’t have a dick
gellaho
Meanwhile, sex
Djonin Foxman
What the fuck
This book is giving me sexual whiplash
Old Man Brendan
Higgins needs to compartmentalize.
This book was written in a dry spell.
gellaho
"God, she's so hot. Maybe she'll step on my balls" - JD
Old Man Brendan
...ugh, what are the odds Dev coerces Dr. Stone now that he knows about the tape?
Djonin Foxman
Yeah this book was written by someone who likes being stepped on.
gellaho
She's so smart and horny and hot and
Old Man Brendan
In my experience, smart, independent women are the LEAST hesitant to pursue a dick.
gellaho
Ball-stepping confirmed
Old Man Brendan
There is no way he can define torrid.
Djonin Foxman
Home boy never learned about safe words
Old Man Brendan
Matrix scowled in disgust. What sort of man let a woman enjoy herself around him?
Djonin Foxman
Non-BDSM people writing BDSM should be a horror genre
gellaho
It just keeps goin
and goin
Old Man Brendan
50 Shades of Grey is hilarious if you read Anastasia's parts in Fran Drescher voice and Christian's in Donald Duc.
gellaho
I hate the way that last paragraph is phrased
Old Man Brendan
Oh boy, someone just learned CEOs make good dom customers.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The nonconsensual sex is on the other foot now, hashtag girl power!!
Djonin Foxman
Reading us this book has to qualify as a type of CBT
sensitive New Age jakesy
This is Masters thinking he’s a feminist
gellaho
Oh, no. Now when will they have kinky sex?
That's what this book is about, right?
Also, Higgins is fucking into it
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ok I'm here. Should I catch up or was it just 38 pages of sex and sex pranks and Supreme Court?
Old Man Brendan
That one.
gellaho
The Matrix is calling, and Higgins' lips are moist
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is a bro.
Bike Dancin' Greg
I hope they reconstructed some dumb weapons on him
sensitive New Age jakesy
Thank god
He should just be using the arm laser exclusively
Old Man Brendan
Nipple mines!
gellaho
The Matrix is obsessed with this sex tape
Also, more lip action from Higgins
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is this the one where they give him the extra hand that he keeps on his belt
Bike Dancin' Greg
Why? Just because it is unblockable, literally light speed and his robot brain can never miss?
gellaho
I bet the Matrix is worried about being prosecuted for blackmail
Old Man Brendan
Can you ever really blackmail someone who disembodied you to live in limbo on the internet?
Don't try appealing to Matrix's morality when he's Steele without a dick.
Bike Dancin' Greg
It sounds like the Supreme Court is still taking these kind of philosophical cases though
Old Man Brendan
Yeah but the Supreme Court is in Detroit now so all disputes are settled with knife fight.
gellaho
This sexy scientist has gone aggro really quickly
Djonin Foxman
That’s what happen when you let women have power
They start wanting to murder
Old Man Brendan
Definitely wouldn't want to be known as a 30-something who's no longer a virgin or a guy who lands the hottest geniuses out there.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Jesus Christ man, it’s the apocalypse. Who gives a shit if your big tiddies are all over the news
Also what news? Why is there still the news?
Bike Dancin' Greg
This is all because they want to keep some potentially upsetting information from Steele? Gonna go to war with the god machine
gellaho
"some crazy bunch of Islamic fundamentalist fanatics"
Djonin Foxman
The man could die from all the high fives he would get, take this seriously.
Old Man Brendan
"Coming up at 11, two government contractors you've never heard of had sex. We'll have footage after this message from Coke-a-Pepsi UniCorp.
Djonin Foxman
Fuck that paragraph looks like Ben Shapiro wrote it
Bike Dancin' Greg
I will never stop being upset that this post-apocalyptic world works the same or better than ours
Old Man Brendan
They should be offering the machine peace pledges like a body and a rescued minx and a best friend.
gellaho
The last book had two tv reporters, one of whom was national!
sensitive New Age jakesy
What nation?
Djonin Foxman
Wyoming
sensitive New Age jakesy
Haha this is just so weird. The USA basically doesn’t exist but still exists
gellaho
You know who else refuses to admit that anything had really changed?
Old Man Brendan
Lousy scientists get in bed with anyone who lets them do what other governments won't. WHAT ABOUT NICE GOVERNMENTS??
gellaho
The author
Old Man Brendan
All worlds are the world of survivors.
Djonin Foxman
What if the apocalypse story was a giant gaslighting program
Old Man Brendan
I would be A-OK with a 2b-strong world population, even if 1/10 of that number was CHUDs.
Old Man Brendan
False Flag op. Textbook LibFasc PsyOps move. Good luck, patriot.
Djonin Foxman
Yay baking time
Bike Dancin' Greg
Yeah Florida is like totally a terrible pirate country now
Old Man Brendan
But what about in the book?
Djonin Foxman
I hope Q likes my crumb tribute
sensitive New Age jakesy
Especially because, in our real life actual timeline, every single politician and important person in the world by 2050 will have nudes and or sex tapes on the internet from when they were younger.
gellaho
I'm not sure what JD is going for here
Old Man Brendan
Well, credit the book that if it collapsed in the '90s they not only wouldn't have developed smartphones, but there'd be no infrastructure for high-speed
Matrix out here blackmailin' on 7800baud
sensitive New Age jakesy
Eh I guess that’s a good point
Djonin Foxman
This is like everything my east coast relatives thought was happening in Seattle under BLM
They assumed I was Steele
Old Man Brendan
>No-man's land
>street gangs controlled the turf and economy
PICK ONE
gellaho
"NEVER!!!!" - JD Masters
Old Man Brendan
@Djonin Foxman r/asknyc had a couple perpetual lurkers just there to tell us how glad they were to have fucked off to Florida because they knew the city was headed back to the '70s.
sensitive New Age jakesy
All the wealthy people, with the money that’s still used as currency in the post apocalyptic world
Old Man Brendan
Meanwhile, I could finally try Rao's.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Those everlasting greenbacks, never losing value
Old Man Brendan
I guarantee you in JD's world we're back on the gold standard.
gellaho
Fuck, you JD. You hack
Djonin Foxman
?
sensitive New Age jakesy
“He suddenly got a feeling that he needed to go in here”
Old Man Brendan
Of all the engrams in all the matrices in all the remaining parts of the world...
gellaho
I don't need to explain, it. JD gives it away
Hey, I stole this name
Here's where I stole it from
Djonin Foxman
Oh fuck you JD
gellaho
The ol' Ernest Cline
Old Man Brendan
Wait, this is exactly where they had a meeting last book.
Is he still in the city? Because this might be a reference to a real place up in Rockland.
Djonin Foxman
Are we ripping off Casablanca now
Science God Q Alchemy
I do sort of respect the "fuck you" aspect to this worldbuilding
sensitive New Age jakesy
I dunno, there’s like some old movie shit here, fuck you!
Science God Q Alchemy
I want to embody that, but like on purpose
gellaho
He's just wandering, here's the last geography
Djonin Foxman
Yeah I like to wander no man’s land sometimes too
Old Man Brendan
Ah okay he's around the corner from Dr. Strange's apartment.
gellaho
He gave the whole credits for the movie too
Why? Who the fuck knows
Science God Q Alchemy
"how does the magic work?" "Fuck you" that's my ideal fantasy novel right there
gellaho
"Hey, ain't you that famous cyborg what been in the news that we still have somehow?"
Science God Q Alchemy
What are the odds ernest cline has read this book?
Djonin Foxman
“Is it true your hog is still human?”
gellaho
This is far too obscure
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, this is the memory from last book of losing Donn--HEY AREN'T YOU DONOVAN STEELE, DA CYBORG? TAKE A PITCHA WIT ME FOR A FREE SLICE OF PIZZA!
Steele on the wall forever next to Big Pussy from the Sopranos.
Djonin Foxman
And Dennis Rodman