I have a meeting at 2 and I’m so pumped to turn off the camera and pretend to listen while Steeling
Science God Q Alchemy
It's today?
Hell yeah
Djonin Foxman
I’ve already scoped out patrol routes with minimal camera coverage to read along
Old Man Brendan
STEELE O'CLOCK, YOU POPINJAYS
ShmupDogJoe
OOOOOOOOOOOH!
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
Little delay, work is being annoying
Old Man Brendan
There is no work but our great work.
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
OK, fuck it. Somebody said they wanted to call me then disappeared for 5 minutes
They can suck it
It's after 5
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hell yeah fuck work do Steele
Djonin Foxman
It’s inspiring as a cyborg fake cop to listen to tales of a fake cyborg cop
gellaho, Bringer of Apes
sensitive New Age jakesy
He must really hate Marge huh
Or really want to fuck Marge. One or the other, or maybe both
Old Man Brendan
Marge is his gun
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
he watches Homer's buffoonery and grits his teeth
"I'd treat her right" he says
Literary Chimera, Porn Mercenary
I mean, who doesn't want to?
Old Man Brendan
r/nicecyborgs
Djonin Foxman
I need eggs
For Bart
gellaho
So, we start with ol' Devy Coops. A character that was completely absent from the last book
Last we saw him he was devastated by drugs and drink. Let's see what he's up to now
sensitive New Age jakesy
Surely not ravaged by drug, drinks, and time
Old Man Brendan
The codename is the operative's name
gellaho
All better
He had a miraculous recovery, I guess while he was not doing anything last time
Djonin Foxman
Good for him
Old Man Brendan
He went to rehab.
His lats are almost back to normal.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Are his lips properly moistened though
gellaho
The CIA kept him locked in his apartment under constant surveillance
seems like a healthy way to recover
gellaho
he's drinking lots of coffee so he's probably dehydrated
sensitive New Age jakesy
Not a great sign , better get lickin’
Djonin Foxman
I misread that as fell asleep beside him.
Old Man Brendan
At least he has a short commute
Science God Q Alchemy
He's got a team of four cia agents just to keep him sober
Also the cia still exists
gellaho
Who had page 6?
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think we’ve established that the apocalypse was a minor inconvenience
Djonin Foxman
“What is a dick without a human soul behind its cum?”
Science God Q Alchemy
"he can still fuck and produce offspring, what more reassurance does he need that he's still human"
Djonin Foxman
I remember when my partner got an insulin pump
Science God Q Alchemy
"God he is being just a massive baby about this whole robot brain thing."
Djonin Foxman
He was afraid his children would know his soul was gone
And the rest of the officers were afraid he’d go haywire
Science God Q Alchemy
"he's still got his dick what else do you really need?"
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
"What use is a fully-functioning and just, so huge, dick if it's wielded by a mere automaton??"
Djonin Foxman
Poor bastard. Poor wind-up bastard
Science God Q Alchemy
His wife asked that once, but it was before he was a robot
Old Man Brendan
The child is healthy...but soulless.
Science God Q Alchemy
So much attention is paid to Steele's dick in these books.
Djonin Foxman
I want to see people with glasses act like old sci fi cyborgs.
gellaho
See subject file, subheading: Recap
Djonin Foxman
“Is what I see even real if it’s behind glass?”
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
soul is stored in the balls
Old Man Brendan
God, just hyperlink it, Dev.
Science God Q Alchemy
I do think donovan steele is dead, and steele just has all his memories. And like three other people's memories.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Pee is stored in the balls, soul is more taint-adjacent
Djonin Foxman
Cum is stored in the brain
gellaho
In case you missed it, that's subheading: Matrix
Science God Q Alchemy
They basically just bolted his dick to an ai driven cadaver puppet
Djonin Foxman
Code name: Steely Dan
Old Man Brendan
Would the ultimate killing machine even work without a dick to fight for?
Science God Q Alchemy
His ex said steele fucked like a robot, but the robot actually fucks better than him.
Science God Q Alchemy
His partner lost control and went insane, know why?
Robot penis
sensitive New Age jakesy
How much do dicks matter in the Matrix (subheading)?
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
imagine what his sexual encounters must be like now
"Steele, you're pushing rope here"
"I HAVE NO SOUL"
"goddammit this again"
Djonin Foxman
Metal Gear Solid: the Phantom Peen
gellaho
"You need to understand how hot this lady scientist is" - JD Masters
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean, they define his humanity so much around his reproductive capacity, as though goddamn cockroaches don't have dicks and fuck
Anti-Life Justifies My Hatred
Hellooooooo Nurse!
Djonin Foxman
Green eyed redhead scientist lady
sensitive New Age jakesy
Again, voluptuous = big tiddies
Djonin Foxman
Tale as old as sci fi
sensitive New Age jakesy
Make sure they know she’s a big titty redhead who’s also a scientist
Old Man Brendan
"She was so fuckin' hot but, oh--also SMART, you guys."
Djonin Foxman
I choose to interpret that as she’s thicc
I reject his reality and substitute my own
Death of the author
sensitive New Age jakesy
I mean that’s the correct interpretation but there’s no way masters knows that
gellaho
Lady scientist is a little judgy
Science God Q Alchemy
"don't just judge her by her looks, the very first thing I described of her character"
sensitive New Age jakesy
They’re so scared of Ice
gellaho
Scratch that, very judgy
sensitive New Age jakesy
Foreeeeeeshaadowing
Djonin Foxman
Ice is such a bro
Old Man Brendan
She calls her a little hooker like she wasn't rescued from sex trafficking.
Djonin Foxman
I’m glad people in universe recognize how cool it is to be friends with Ice
gellaho
JD Masters (of writing women)
Old Man Brendan
"Raven knew men like Dev wanted her body, and she wasn't afraid to exploit that to get them to fund her doctorate studies so Jennifer had to respect her."
Djonin Foxman
Haha what the fuck
Where did that come from.
Science God Q Alchemy
Why so much speculation about how she fucks?
Old Man Brendan
OH THEY GONNA FUCK
Djonin Foxman
Someone get saxquatch on the phone
sensitive New Age jakesy
Masters has never looked at a woman without wondering how she fucks
Old Man Brendan
Wait so a DIFFERENT redheaded tig biddy scientist had sex on Higgins's desk?
gellaho
no, that's the same one
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think they’re all the same big tiddy redhead
They just introduce her like a new character every time
So Masters can talk about said juggs
Djonin Foxman
I hope that desk gets sterilized
Old Man Brendan
But Matrix broadcast footage of them boinking
gellaho
Unsophisticated? I'll have you know that Ice reads old books
Old Man Brendan
We'd better erase Steele's memories of Steele being upset about erasing his memories so we don't have to tell him we're erasing these other memories.
gellaho
This lady fucked Higgins and immediately became an asshole
Old Man Brendan
Hookers and Gangstas (TM) can be sophisticated Jennifer, you yutz.
sensitive New Age jakesy
My God!!!
Think of the computers!!!
Old Man Brendan
I can't believe I'm siding against the brainy hot redhead character.
gellaho
"God, they're all so fucking hot!" - JD
Science God Q Alchemy
There's still a supreme court and lower courts
Djonin Foxman
The logistics of this government confuse me
Old Man Brendan
The court rules Steele's dick is human and therefore entitled to the full archive of his spank bank.
gellaho
And Steele out here in a high backed chair reading books. I think JD's completely forgotten his character
Djonin Foxman
More than the existence of a black gang in Wyoming
Science God Q Alchemy
So like, can he get drunk?
His brain is a computer
Djonin Foxman
What sci fi book is going to be name dropped
Old Man Brendan
Scotch and also the Scotch was Glenlivet
Djonin Foxman
My money is Heinlein
Old Man Brendan
TIME WARS
gellaho
Dickens
Old Man Brendan
But his liver is made up of all the parts of his penis they couldn't save
Is the Dickens human or robot?
Djonin Foxman
What the fuck
gellaho
Sophisticated Steele (tm)
Djonin Foxman
I don’t think anyone had Charles dickens
Old Man Brendan
Meh, Dickens is pop lit.
Djonin Foxman
Oh yeah, he’s reading a middle school assigned book
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also this Steele is somehow so focused he doesn’t want to fuck Raven even though she’s looking fine as hell. What a man!
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
His back is to her.
gellaho
I guess he just likes wasting resources in the post-apocalypse
Old Man Brendan
Steele is a lego man in a play doh world.
sensitive New Age jakesy
That is pretty hilarious. He’s so smart he reads 100 page books you heard of
gellaho
Great Expectations is way longer than 100 pages
it's also very boring
until that lady gets set on fire
Djonin Foxman
It serves as a decent critique of popular genre fiction of its time
But it’s boring
Old Man Brendan
I'll give it this: it ends on socio-existential horror.
"Steele flipped through Wuthering Heights for the 29th time that evening. HOW did this make it into the annals of literary history? His computer brain overheated to ponder it."
Djonin Foxman
Great Expectations is a parody of a genre that doesn’t really exist anymore
sensitive New Age jakesy
I think I was imagining To Kill a Mockingbird
That seems more like Steele’s pace
gellaho
It's a much better book
Djonin Foxman
Steele would read “How to Kill A Mockingbird”
sensitive New Age jakesy
All them assigned readin’s blend together for me too, Steele
Old Man Brendan
Do you think Masters would recognize a book arguing passionately for the need to recognize Black people's humanity? I do not.
Djonin Foxman
Steele in his reading chair with his scotch. I feel like he should be smoking a pipe too
Old Man Brendan
The mark of a cultured man is how long he can refuse sex to pursue the middling arts.
If alcohol has no effect on him, he should stop wasting scotch.
gellaho
Matrix just out here making inconvenient calls
Old Man Brendan
Transatlantic commerce is at a standstill
A computer calls him to chat and he wants to debate ontology.
gellaho
JD is a weird dude
The Matrix is obsessed with sexual pranks
Old Man Brendan
so did he just...skip over other calls until he found a hot one?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Matrix Steele has all the horny genes now
gellaho
Here's another one
playin' the hits
Djonin Foxman
Gay women talking dirty on the phone
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, Dev was definitely in rehab.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Matrix loves revenge porn
Djonin Foxman
I keep trying to think of a punchline but it’s just so childishly dumb a sentence.
Old Man Brendan
Jennifer's definitely a clasp on the front type, we agree this?
gellaho
I'm sure the matrix did it to prove a point. Not that it's horny because it has no dick, human or otherwise
Also "I want you to explain to Steele about me"
sensitive New Age jakesy
The ol’ Fort Knox bra
gellaho
That's a sentence
Old Man Brendan
so is Matrix just out there copying itself to backup drives that PD (Codename: Project Steele) doesn't have access to? That's...someone should keep an eye on that rogue AI
gellaho
Lol, they thought Dev was on a phone sex line
Just another sexy prank from the matrix
Djonin Foxman
Matrix doesn’t seem concerned that he doesn’t have a dick
gellaho
Meanwhile, sex
Djonin Foxman
What the fuck
This book is giving me sexual whiplash
Old Man Brendan
Higgins needs to compartmentalize.
This book was written in a dry spell.
gellaho
"God, she's so hot. Maybe she'll step on my balls" - JD
Old Man Brendan
...ugh, what are the odds Dev coerces Dr. Stone now that he knows about the tape?
Djonin Foxman
Yeah this book was written by someone who likes being stepped on.
gellaho
She's so smart and horny and hot and
Old Man Brendan
In my experience, smart, independent women are the LEAST hesitant to pursue a dick.
gellaho
Ball-stepping confirmed
Old Man Brendan
There is no way he can define torrid.
Djonin Foxman
Home boy never learned about safe words
Old Man Brendan
Matrix scowled in disgust. What sort of man let a woman enjoy herself around him?
Djonin Foxman
Non-BDSM people writing BDSM should be a horror genre
gellaho
It just keeps goin
and goin
Old Man Brendan
50 Shades of Grey is hilarious if you read Anastasia's parts in Fran Drescher voice and Christian's in Donald Duc.
gellaho
I hate the way that last paragraph is phrased
Old Man Brendan
Oh boy, someone just learned CEOs make good dom customers.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The nonconsensual sex is on the other foot now, hashtag girl power!!
Djonin Foxman
Reading us this book has to qualify as a type of CBT
sensitive New Age jakesy
This is Masters thinking he’s a feminist
gellaho
Oh, no. Now when will they have kinky sex?
That's what this book is about, right?
Also, Higgins is fucking into it
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ok I'm here. Should I catch up or was it just 38 pages of sex and sex pranks and Supreme Court?
Old Man Brendan
That one.
gellaho
The Matrix is calling, and Higgins' lips are moist
Old Man Brendan
Matrix is a bro.
Bike Dancin' Greg
I hope they reconstructed some dumb weapons on him
sensitive New Age jakesy
Thank god
He should just be using the arm laser exclusively
Old Man Brendan
Nipple mines!
gellaho
The Matrix is obsessed with this sex tape
Also, more lip action from Higgins
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is this the one where they give him the extra hand that he keeps on his belt
Bike Dancin' Greg
Why? Just because it is unblockable, literally light speed and his robot brain can never miss?
gellaho
I bet the Matrix is worried about being prosecuted for blackmail
Old Man Brendan
Can you ever really blackmail someone who disembodied you to live in limbo on the internet?
Don't try appealing to Matrix's morality when he's Steele without a dick.
Bike Dancin' Greg
It sounds like the Supreme Court is still taking these kind of philosophical cases though
Old Man Brendan
Yeah but the Supreme Court is in Detroit now so all disputes are settled with knife fight.
gellaho
This sexy scientist has gone aggro really quickly
Djonin Foxman
That’s what happen when you let women have power
They start wanting to murder
Old Man Brendan
Definitely wouldn't want to be known as a 30-something who's no longer a virgin or a guy who lands the hottest geniuses out there.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Jesus Christ man, it’s the apocalypse. Who gives a shit if your big tiddies are all over the news
Also what news? Why is there still the news?
Bike Dancin' Greg
This is all because they want to keep some potentially upsetting information from Steele? Gonna go to war with the god machine
gellaho
"some crazy bunch of Islamic fundamentalist fanatics"
Djonin Foxman
The man could die from all the high fives he would get, take this seriously.
Old Man Brendan
"Coming up at 11, two government contractors you've never heard of had sex. We'll have footage after this message from Coke-a-Pepsi UniCorp.
Djonin Foxman
Fuck that paragraph looks like Ben Shapiro wrote it
Bike Dancin' Greg
I will never stop being upset that this post-apocalyptic world works the same or better than ours
Old Man Brendan
They should be offering the machine peace pledges like a body and a rescued minx and a best friend.
gellaho
The last book had two tv reporters, one of whom was national!
sensitive New Age jakesy
What nation?
Djonin Foxman
Wyoming
sensitive New Age jakesy
Haha this is just so weird. The USA basically doesn’t exist but still exists
gellaho
You know who else refuses to admit that anything had really changed?
Old Man Brendan
Lousy scientists get in bed with anyone who lets them do what other governments won't. WHAT ABOUT NICE GOVERNMENTS??
gellaho
The author
Old Man Brendan
All worlds are the world of survivors.
Djonin Foxman
What if the apocalypse story was a giant gaslighting program
Old Man Brendan
I would be A-OK with a 2b-strong world population, even if 1/10 of that number was CHUDs.
Old Man Brendan
False Flag op. Textbook LibFasc PsyOps move. Good luck, patriot.
Djonin Foxman
Yay baking time
Bike Dancin' Greg
Yeah Florida is like totally a terrible pirate country now
Old Man Brendan
But what about in the book?
Djonin Foxman
I hope Q likes my crumb tribute
sensitive New Age jakesy
Especially because, in our real life actual timeline, every single politician and important person in the world by 2050 will have nudes and or sex tapes on the internet from when they were younger.
gellaho
I'm not sure what JD is going for here
Old Man Brendan
Well, credit the book that if it collapsed in the '90s they not only wouldn't have developed smartphones, but there'd be no infrastructure for high-speed
Matrix out here blackmailin' on 7800baud
sensitive New Age jakesy
Eh I guess that’s a good point
Djonin Foxman
This is like everything my east coast relatives thought was happening in Seattle under BLM
They assumed I was Steele
Old Man Brendan
>No-man's land
>street gangs controlled the turf and economy
PICK ONE
gellaho
"NEVER!!!!" - JD Masters
Old Man Brendan
@Djonin Foxman r/asknyc had a couple perpetual lurkers just there to tell us how glad they were to have fucked off to Florida because they knew the city was headed back to the '70s.
sensitive New Age jakesy
All the wealthy people, with the money that’s still used as currency in the post apocalyptic world
Old Man Brendan
Meanwhile, I could finally try Rao's.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Those everlasting greenbacks, never losing value
Old Man Brendan
I guarantee you in JD's world we're back on the gold standard.
gellaho
Fuck, you JD. You hack
Djonin Foxman
?
sensitive New Age jakesy
“He suddenly got a feeling that he needed to go in here”
Old Man Brendan
Of all the engrams in all the matrices in all the remaining parts of the world...
gellaho
I don't need to explain, it. JD gives it away
Hey, I stole this name
Here's where I stole it from
Djonin Foxman
Oh fuck you JD
gellaho
The ol' Ernest Cline
Old Man Brendan
Wait, this is exactly where they had a meeting last book.
Is he still in the city? Because this might be a reference to a real place up in Rockland.
Djonin Foxman
Are we ripping off Casablanca now
Science God Q Alchemy
I do sort of respect the "fuck you" aspect to this worldbuilding
sensitive New Age jakesy
I dunno, there’s like some old movie shit here, fuck you!
Science God Q Alchemy
I want to embody that, but like on purpose
gellaho
He's just wandering, here's the last geography
Djonin Foxman
Yeah I like to wander no man’s land sometimes too
Old Man Brendan
Ah okay he's around the corner from Dr. Strange's apartment.
gellaho
He gave the whole credits for the movie too
Why? Who the fuck knows
Science God Q Alchemy
"how does the magic work?" "Fuck you" that's my ideal fantasy novel right there
gellaho
"Hey, ain't you that famous cyborg what been in the news that we still have somehow?"
Science God Q Alchemy
What are the odds ernest cline has read this book?
Djonin Foxman
“Is it true your hog is still human?”
gellaho
This is far too obscure
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, this is the memory from last book of losing Donn--HEY AREN'T YOU DONOVAN STEELE, DA CYBORG? TAKE A PITCHA WIT ME FOR A FREE SLICE OF PIZZA!
Steele on the wall forever next to Big Pussy from the Sopranos.
Djonin Foxman
And Dennis Rodman
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is it true you once had the sex for 3.5 hours straight?
Djonin Foxman
“Show us your dick, Metalman”
Science God Q Alchemy
I honestly think there was no second draft for any of these books
gellaho
"The waitress is so fucking hot, too" - JD Masters
"No uggos" - JD Masters
sensitive New Age jakesy
“That was old Steele. New Steele reads Pride and Prejudice”
Old Man Brendan
Sure, but when @hobbes yells that at Anthony Wiener on the same damn street it's harassment
gellaho
I have no idea why he's still drinking when he can't feel it
Science God Q Alchemy
See, this is why it's important to take masturbation breaks while writing
Djonin Foxman
I think he has a problem.
Steele really should talk to his friends about his compulsive drinking.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“Her cans were just, like, so bangin”
Science God Q Alchemy
He gets off on wasting rare resources
Or maybe the taste? Idk
Old Man Brendan
Raven not having banging cans is probably feminist in JD's world.
Djonin Foxman
He’s like those guys in Sweden who pour champagne into the sink
gellaho
Your money should be no good anywhere
Science God Q Alchemy
So he's famous. Despite being a classified government asset
Djonin Foxman
I’m reading Rick with a Danny DeVito voice and you can’t stop me.
Old Man Brendan
"Say, is your stomach still human? Me and the back of house were debatin' because the news said your dick, and..."
Science God Q Alchemy
I missed a bit of the last book though so maybe I missed him being famous
sensitive New Age jakesy
Luckily our global food supply chain is still intact, so we have imported liquors like the scotch you ordered sir
gellaho
I don't know how he has these talents when it's still his old mind in his computer brain
Science God Q Alchemy
See this adds to my donovan is dead theory
gellaho
He saved the world from nukes in front of national television reporters, so he's famous now
Old Man Brendan
Donna continues to haunt the place where she divorced Pre-Bloodshot Steele.
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele is a conscious entity but he's fucking with a dead man's hog.
Djonin Foxman
scribbles down the title “dead man’s hog” in a rush
Old Man Brendan
Rick is gonna Law & Order this scene: "Yeah, I remember her. She stood out on account of she was always crying and staring at a photo of a man who looked...come to think of it a lot like you! Only not grimacing like someone shoved a grenade up his ass and only his sphincter could hold the pin in place."
gellaho
"See this fuckin lady came in here and got dumped. Then she'd fuckin sit in the same booth and get wasted"
Old Man Brendan
Didn't I say?
gellaho
This dude wants the 3 hour Steele D
Djonin Foxman
I thought you had to be unloading boxes to law and order a scene
Old Man Brendan
"it'd be a real shame to see this morose drunk who didn't talk to anybody continue her decay."
Science God Q Alchemy
See if the cops asked me about a customer I could give them less than nothing
Old Man Brendan
DIDN'T I SAY? Right next to Big Pussy.
gellaho
That hot waitress also wants it
Djonin Foxman
Holy fuck
gellaho
I miss Tracy and his wacky hijinks
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
fuuuuuck ooooooofffffff
Science God Q Alchemy
I love when a writer has his main character hit on by every woman he meets
Real good writing
Old Man Brendan
Steele can reverberate at a dangerous speed. does she know what she's signing up for?
gellaho
JD has given up on subtext
Djonin Foxman
Has he always noir monologued like this?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Behold my graphic design skills
gellaho
Immediate double-dipping on the ol c-word
Old Man Brendan
...who the hell s this cunt Janice all of a sudden?
Science God Q Alchemy
His ex?
gellaho
Steele's hot bitch whore of an ex-wife
Old Man Brendan
I thought that was Donna.
Djonin Foxman
Fuck you I laughed at this too hard.
gellaho
Donna is the ex-wife of Johnathan, whose memories Steele has
because his brain was damaged during his first death
Old Man Brendan
Well who is this cunt Johnathan now?
Science God Q Alchemy
All these ex wives are confusing
gellaho
That is the question
Djonin Foxman
The ex wives are how you know he’s a cop.
Old Man Brendan
Steele has more men crammed inside him than Lindsay Graham's calendar.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
snnrrt
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele is an almagam of memories from many different guys.
So, he's not really donovan steele at all really
gellaho
He knows everything about women
Science God Q Alchemy
I mention Steele's human penis a lot, but not nearly as much as simon hawke does
gellaho
This would be a hilarious suicide
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean, why not?
What the hell does steele have to live for anyway?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
what a fucked up dystopia, they've got a Robot Master for a senator
Science God Q Alchemy
What ability does megaman get from car man?
gellaho
Thanks for explaining one of the most famous Greek myths to me
Science God Q Alchemy
But one must imagine sisyphus happy
gellaho
Is he just going to keep doing this?
Is this a bit?
Science God Q Alchemy
How many different literary references do you need?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Some critic told him his writing wasn’t intelligent and he thinks name dropping literature is the same thing as intelligence
It’s like how the chickweed guy thinks making his horny characters classical musicians makes him a sophisticated artist
gellaho
Steele has just been wandering
Science God Q Alchemy
He's writing a story about a cyborg with a human dick, which he mentions constantly, does he think he's earned the poe references?
Old Man Brendan
Poe did say a dead woman was the most inspiring thing there is, and that seems pretty Mastersy
gellaho
He's just looking for trouble
Science God Q Alchemy
I think the drug addictions and not holding down a job is more a result of combat experience in a lot of cases
gellaho
Goddammit, Masters you successfully avoided this in the last book
Don't describe a teen like that
you creep
Science God Q Alchemy
I asked if had simon hawke could hold the darkness at Bay for the rest of the series, and it turns out he cant
The true lesson is this, the darkness will always return
The darkness always wins
gellaho
Steele with the quips
Science God Q Alchemy
"my human dick to clarify"
gellaho
How do these morons not know who Steele is
Old Man Brendan
There's a reason I mistake this book for a work from the '70s
gellaho
Steele's greatest weakness is if you call him a robot
Old Man Brendan
That's hatespeech.
gellaho
How can you be this horny for this long
Just jerk off, JD
Old Man Brendan
He cranks out a book a day, it's okay to suffer for his art.
Dev is a stand-in for Hawke.
gellaho
It never ends
Alpha Scientist Javo
hm, who else do we know that is constantly horny and also really into legs
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
me?
gellaho
Lip moistening is essential
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
just say "licked"!
jesus
people do that when they're nervous
I do that when I'm nervous
Djonin Foxman
Lousy robot
Alpha Scientist Javo
is this lady being told to jack off Steele to save the world
Djonin Foxman
That’s what’s gonna be hurled at my robot partner if the tech bros make us put him on the force
gellaho
Yeeessss. Bring me Ice
Djonin Foxman
Oh man I can’t wait to see what kind of place Ice has.
gellaho
Ice is a man of integrity
Also, "honky"
Djonin Foxman
Haha
gellaho
This book was written in 1990
Djonin Foxman
What kind of honkey spells it honky
gellaho
Fuck yeah
Old Man Brendan
Honky's a fun slur. Feel free to call me honky in good cheer unless it means something awful I don't know. I'm not falling for "cracker" twice.
gellaho
Ice: Prime Minister of Hell
Old Man Brendan
It's Cazh Friday in Hell.
gellaho
It's cute when JD tries to be woke
Old Man Brendan
Ice does NOT speak in any recognized form of AAVE
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
AAVE?
g-glory to caesar?
Djonin Foxman
African American dialect
Old Man Brendan
African-American Verncular English
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
ah
gellaho
Everyone wants this sex tape
Djonin Foxman
Hold up, is Ice on call? Why is he chilling in his apartment wearing sunglasses and a black suit?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
what the fuck is Ice's accent
Old Man Brendan
Ice sounds like he might have a Cajun dialect
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I thought maybe Jamaican?
gellaho
The Prime Minister of Hell has his own way of talking
Old Man Brendan
Don't have a cow, robot.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
and now Ice sounds more like he's in Song of the South
what the fuck is his accent
Djonin Foxman
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=n3rKPYvPXSU
YouTube
starcraft2units
StarCraft 2 - Marauder Quotes
I think Ice is supposed to sound like this dude
gellaho
Stop tryin' to play doctor with the man, Doctor.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahahaha coming in hot with the chest measurements
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
hisself
Djonin Foxman
Jesus I feel like Ice’s accent gets worse each book.
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
jesus christ masters why don't you just break out the watermelon and cornbread while you're at it
Djonin Foxman
He’s turning into Jim from Huck Finn
gellaho
Busting out the word savage, huh
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
unusually loquacious
Djonin Foxman
He’s very articulate
Old Man Brendan
You know who else likes those things? EVERYONE
Old Man Brendan
and well-dressed!
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
I hate watermelon
and pineapple but that's neither here nor there
Djonin Foxman
OH MY GOD I FIGURED IT OUT! Ice is talking in Wyoming-dialect AAVE
That’s why we haven’t heard anything like it
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
There’s an army of horny engrams with no human dick hanging out in the phone lines and you guys think it’s fascinating !?
Old Man Brendan
It beats the AI with a human dick hanging out hating life.
Matrix has PLANS.
I'm glad he's addressing the rogue AI concern though
gellaho
I'm getting whiplash from this conversation
Old Man Brendan
Ice listens and I love him.
Djonin Foxman
I find it funny how we all love Ice, but we also agree he’s just
gellaho
We all love the Prime Minister of Hell
Djonin Foxman
Dear god does the book get racist when he’s in frame.
Old Man Brendan
Higgins is thoroughly unqualified to lead.
gellaho
"I order you to be me and my girlfriend's therapist"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh man if we’re allowed to go outside by Halloween I’m buying the biggest pair of lats and going as Ice
Bike Dancin' Greg
I'm back please tell me i didn't miss any meandering Steele or chest measurements
Djonin Foxman
Ice got his chest measured.
gellaho
You definitely missed chest measurements
Djonin Foxman
He’s also the prime minister of hell
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ice showed up so of course there were chest measurements
gellaho
address him as such
Science God Q Alchemy
Is his chest any bigger this book?
gellaho
and me
Old Man Brendan
The thing is: in abstract, Ice is the most capable. He dominates any room he's in, he's reserved where everyone else is a catty dickhead, and he's a trustworthy bro. It's only the execution where Hawke trips over his own whiteness.
If Ice were just Rutherford Ice, [insert identical description of all the other characters] he'd still be clutch.
Djonin Foxman
Yeah, we love Ice cause he calls people out on their bullshit.
Old Man Brendan
"No-bullshit" is a trait a lot of Black actors are tired of auditioning for, but everybody loves a character who slices through everyone else's formalities.
Science God Q Alchemy
Ice rules, hes modeled himself after a blaxploitation hero, and has no idea he's not the main character of the novel
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ice also has the moistest lips in the room
gellaho
Matrix is going to attempt to cuck Steele. That's going to be hard without a human dick
sensitive New Age jakesy
He’s the only one who’s not constantly licking them
Djonin Foxman
You need a no bullshit guy when your whole cast is nothing but bullshit
Science God Q Alchemy
See, the ai is an identical clone of steele and without a human penis it has gone rogue
gellaho
Hey, JD, I fucking get it
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ok good to know. I assume Ice talks like he always has and not inexplicably like Gambit from X-Men
gellaho
it's a copy of Steele, move the fuck on
Djonin Foxman
Also, is Barrett a good example of a 60 inch chest? I’m not great with measurements.
Science God Q Alchemy
If they had bolted a human dong on skynet everything would have been fine
sensitive New Age jakesy
“So wait, you’re telling me there’s like a Steele but on the TV?”
I’m but a simple hooker, please explain again
Old Man Brendan
This book had better end with Higgins opening the ultra-confidential paper-only file on Subject: John Matrix.
gellaho
Why does Steele sleep
Science God Q Alchemy
I always imagined ice looking like robby robinson
Old Man Brendan
If I looked like that you'd never catch me wearing a jacket.
...like his LITERAL wires crossed?
Bike Dancin' Greg
"OK Raven, all I have is this sex tape and complete control over all data and infrastructure so we're really going to have to lean on this blackmail to get anything done"
Science God Q Alchemy
These books had exactly one edit between first draft and publish, and that was reexplaining the apocalypse shit in the beginning which felt like an editor making fun of the books
gellaho
Shockingly similar to Ghostbusters
Science God Q Alchemy
"just to remind everyone 3/4 of the population died"
gellaho
I guess not that shocking that he steals character names
Old Man Brendan
But what size were the cans attached to her brain?
Science God Q Alchemy
His main character is a cyborg names Steele, Simon Hawke is not exactly the most creative when it comes to names
gellaho
Payphones, sure
Old Man Brendan
...where were you going to call him?
Bike Dancin' Greg
Remember me the war robot from yesterday?
Old Man Brendan
Rick is just Bibbo in my head and I'm keeping him that way. "Donovan Steele's my fav'rit!"
Bike Dancin' Greg
Please tell that waitress I will have sex with her
Science God Q Alchemy
You can't get this kind of writing with a good writer who works hard at his craft
Old Man Brendan
She's a lush, you can't even make her leave.
gellaho
"Hey, JD, this is your editor. Cut the pointless Wizard of Oz bit"
Science God Q Alchemy
Ha, an editor that's a good one
Bike Dancin' Greg
I'm glad learning her name is meaningless now
That is good writing
gellaho
And we're back to the Senate. It's like a Star Wars prequel here
Science God Q Alchemy
Higgins is a fucking reprobate
Old Man Brendan
Hawkemaster took a tour of the UN and his only thought was "How can I smear US culture over a 4,000-year-old society?"
At least we're speculating on elderly male characters' sex lives too?
Science God Q Alchemy
"Carman also had a particular fondness for adrenochrome, the elites drug of choice"
gellaho
I could have sworn they had a way to send messages to Steele in the previous books
gellaho
He does have a human dick
Old Man Brendan
Senator Dillingsworth, meddling woman
gellaho
Oh, JD you slippery bastard
Science God Q Alchemy
Did they not lojack their unstoppable cyborg soldier?
gellaho
Leaving out that detail until after I made fun of you
Oh, no! We're over halfway through the book and little has happened
Science God Q Alchemy
So like, if you gave a dude a robot dick in Steele's world would he become insane? Or does it need to be more cybernetics?
What are the rules here?
gellaho
JD loves women
gellaho
rules, what's that?
Old Man Brendan
Stone definitely filmed the bdsm.
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like there's so much padding these books could be edited into a trilogy
Maybe even just a single novel depending on how harsh the editor is
gellaho
So they're going to try to kill Steele without trial because he... took a long walk?
the guy who stopped a military coup and nuclear destruction of New York
Old Man Brendan
ensure but I guess your verb too.
If betraying our nation's greatest hero is what it takes to achieve congressional unity, I don't want it.
Science God Q Alchemy
Too be fair losing track of a cyborg with a massive human penis, feels like a shoot to kill kind of situation to me.
gellaho
Oh, JD got horny again
All that congressional drama got him worked up
Science God Q Alchemy
I think if we figured out how many words he can type in a day we could time his masturbation breaks precisely
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
Steele, do yourself a favor: Don't tell her that when you meet her.
His nysteel, inhuman heart.
Science God Q Alchemy
"wow you've looked better"
Old Man Brendan
"Ma'am, you don't know me, but I know what you look like naked."
No, don't run away! You see, your dead husband is inside me and
gellaho
I'm still not sure what he's expecting to get out of this
Old Man Brendan
She knows his RANK.
gellaho
But, first, everyone wants the D
Science God Q Alchemy
Then she kicks him in the dick, his one weakness
Old Man Brendan
this is really going to mess with his infiltration schemes.
gellaho
no, she calls him a robot and he runs out sobbing
GDC
"sorry, i only like robot dicks."
Science God Q Alchemy
I kind of expected, from the cover art, that there would be more ridiculous military sci fi bullshit
Old Man Brendan
It's really going to mess with Steele when the engram drops of Jonathan saying "All cyborgs are just robots. Inhuman, worthless machines."
gellaho
you should realize that's a lie by this point
Old Man Brendan
So far a guy has just taken a long walk around the Village and had a couple drinks.
It's like a John Updike story.
gellaho
God, that last book was so much better
Science God Q Alchemy
This book isn't an action book, it's more like
The ramblings of a madman
Old Man Brendan
There's no sex in this book about sex, either.
"Dev could only imagine what the two women he knew were like in bed."
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean, write what you know
gellaho
I'm skipping all this because it's recap (130 pages in fyi) but Steele told this Donna woman his life and then they left
Old Man Brendan
It's not cheating if one of your engrammatic processors is in a relationship with the woman
Science God Q Alchemy
If philip k dick wrote death wish, I imagine it would be similar to this
gellaho
Couldn't even come up with a good reason for the sexy scientist betrayal
"Eh, he might be crazy so we should murder him"
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like that's a reasonable precaution for your unstoppable cyborg super soldier
I'm on her side tbh, fuck steele
Old Man Brendan
Chief Engineer, doesn't notify her report-to before snitching to the Senate
Science God Q Alchemy
Kill the bastard
Old Man Brendan
I am 40, and the idea of drinking a half-bottle of scotch seems like the most painful thing this dominatrix could do.
gellaho
It's not a great look when the CIA project director who said he would plant bugs on everyone if he could ends up as the sympathetic one
Old Man Brendan
"You slattern! As if I could want you after you betrayed our nation's greatest penis."
gellaho
Close!
Science God Q Alchemy
I mean they can salvage the penis and attach it to another mechanized abomination.
gellaho
Jesus
Science God Q Alchemy
Do you think Simon Hawke has issues with women?
Unrelated question
gellaho
Johnathan committed suicide apparently
because "he wasn't very strong"
gellaho
Steele, you slut
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
fuck ooooooffffff
Science God Q Alchemy
It's weird how "tough cool cyborg who everyone wants to fuck" doesn't make for more compelling reading
gellaho
Oh, they didn't define their relationship, but Raven felt jealous. Think that might be a hint there Steele?
gellaho
What a great protagonist
I really miss Tracy
and Ice
where's Ice?
Science God Q Alchemy
I love how much we all want anyone but steele to be the focus.
gellaho
Please stop, JD. Just jerk off and stop
Djonin Foxman
I said it once I’ll say it again.
gellaho
He's solved his rogue memory problem through fucking
Science God Q Alchemy
Isn't this supposed to be a sci fi suspense novel?
gellaho
Hey, tell the woman you just cheated with all of your girlfriend's past traumas
gellaho
Also, JD, I would prefer it if you stopped reminding me of the underage sex and rape
that would be cool
Oh, he tells her about the gang-rape
That's some great post-coital conversation
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele is being a terrible boyfriend in ways I've never dreamed of
gellaho
Alright, I'm back in
Science God Q Alchemy
I love how steele is a cyborg loaded up with weapons who never stops fucking and everytime he's the focus were all just like "aww, this guy again"
Old Man Brendan
Ah, Wizened
Steele uses the language of the oppressor.
gellaho
A conversation between two black men, JD's strike zone
Science God Q Alchemy
I can't wait to see how raven reacts to him cheating then telling the woman he cheated with all her darkest traumas
gellaho
Fuck that honky up, Ice
Science God Q Alchemy
You don't have a public phone, but you do have an ice phone"
gellaho
Ice is very perceptive
gellaho
Ice immediately befriends the matrix
Everyone and everything loves Ice
Science God Q Alchemy
Ice is pretty great
gellaho
Steele, having finished his fuck-mission, goes back to his apartment without checking with anyone
gellaho
Steele is briefly captured before remembering he's a robot
gellaho
Ice to the rescue
gellaho
They're going to Borodini's old house, for some reason
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ice is so great
That description is the only they should always go with. Not his chest measurements
gellaho
Steele's plan is to take his story to the somehow still existing media
gellaho
Reminder that his story in this book is cheating on his girlfriend
gellaho
Victor Borodini alert
Science God Q Alchemy
I feel like I'd see "I cheated on my girlfriend and told the woman about her terrible trauma" is a post you'd see on r/relationship advice
gellaho
The mean senator is working with Victor Borodini
for some reason
:man_shrugging:
Science God Q Alchemy
Oh cool the senator is working with borodini
God forbid he not be completely evil
gellaho
Still not sure why this is happening
Science God Q Alchemy
Bad writing is always the answer
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hell yeah Borodini owns the senator
gellaho
Wtf is this shit
That's it?
"Hey you sleep with her"
"Yeah"
"Hey, that's cool"
Science God Q Alchemy
I think raven is written to be hawkes perfect woman
gellaho
The reverse Borodini assault begins
Science God Q Alchemy
Why do they keep bringing raven to these things?
gellaho
Most of Steele's battle mods seem pretty useless in battle
Djonin Foxman
How has Ice never said “wit’chu”? Come on Masters
gellaho
Ooh, a voltmeter
very useful in combat
Science God Q Alchemy
God, the thrill of reading about the ins and outs of complicated sci fi technology
gellaho
At least he didn't use the N-word in this book
Djonin Foxman
Oh Jesus
gellaho
which he did in Cold Steele
Djonin Foxman
Has he
Oh fuck
Bike Dancin' Greg
Masters is always jazzed about the voltmeter
Science God Q Alchemy
Remember how I said someone was gonna drop an n bomb in cold steele and you were all like "no I don't think so"
Never question me
Bike Dancin' Greg
Chekhov's voltmeter better fucking solve a problem in the last book
gellaho
They've commandeered a helicopter with relative ease
gellaho
Awriight
Science God Q Alchemy
Steele should kill the fuckers
Coward
Djonin Foxman
AWRIIGHT
gellaho
I'm going to need everyone to take a moment
gellaho
gellaho
Bike Dancin' Greg
No!
Wait
Is his penis ok?
Science God Q Alchemy
Nooooooooooo
Oooooooooo
Bike Dancin' Greg
It just says upper body
gellaho
Good night, sweet prince
Science God Q Alchemy
Wait whose dick is bigger do you think? I bet ice
Bike Dancin' Greg
Ice? Iccccceeeeee!
Science God Q Alchemy
Noooooooooooooooooooooo
Whyyyyyyyy!?
Bike Dancin' Greg
Is there really a reason Higgins can't fix him up?
Science God Q Alchemy
NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
gellaho
gellaho
I'll just point out that the word "Renegade" is used about 40 times in the epilogue
gellaho
It's chekov's sex tape
They're also hanging out with Donna for some reason
Donna isn't introduced, she's just there all of a sudden
Science God Q Alchemy
hurray for revenge porn I guess?
gellaho
just a sex tape involving a dead man
And that's it
Science God Q Alchemy
There is no real morality to steele, but hawe's also unaware of the ammorality so it's not interesting about it.
gellaho
So Steele is a renegade because he went for a walk and cheated on his girlfriend
That's why this book is called "Renegade Steele"
and why Ice is dead
Science God Q Alchemy
I kind of felt steele going rogue would be more interesting
gellaho
That was the longest book
And nothing happened in it
Bike Dancin' Greg
There was a walkabout
And an inexplicable twist
gellaho
Weirdly, the next one isn't Fugitive Steele, but Target Steele
Science God Q Alchemy
Yeah, I keep saying a good editor could turn all 8 books into a single novel
gellaho
I hope this doesn't go on for two more books
Science God Q Alchemy
The best steele face
Bike Dancin' Greg
This is the right face for Steele on the run after losing his best friend and also he needs to poop
Bike Dancin' Greg
The best arm, too
Science God Q Alchemy
Is that the face steele makes when he enters women?
gellaho
Ice is now the Prime Minister of Heaven
Science God Q Alchemy
Rest In Power Ice
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
it's all downhill from here
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
I was eating dinner and Ice is dead?? Did I just fail the Neverending Story?
Why even keep going?
Bike Dancin' Greg
Not if we harass Masters to write a sequel series and bring him back as a cyborg
Old Man Brendan
We'd better get cyborg Ice.
Science God Q Alchemy
Cyborg ice has his human brain and cyborg dick
gellaho
There goes my fan fiction about Ice turning on Steele and taking over New York
Old Man Brendan
If Terminator can open three timelines, so can you.
Science God Q Alchemy
I think masters was getting annoyed about people liking ice more than steele
Old Man Brendan
It's understandable. Ice is the Rorschach of the series.
Science God Q Alchemy
I can't help but think both the daughter and Ice both absorbed ravens death
gellaho
It's telling that the most entertaining one was about a wiener who got put in wacky sexual situations and not Steele
Bike Dancin' Greg
Really though we all saw the grim reaper hanging around behind Ice since the beginning
Old Man Brendan
Raven died too??
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
ice was literally too cool to live
Science God Q Alchemy
Raven is doomed at this point, I there's no other side characters to kill in futile attempts at pathos
Bike Dancin' Greg
Raven is alive and hanging with Steele and Donna for some reason
Science God Q Alchemy
She's alive but she's the target
gellaho
She's fine, for now
Old Man Brendan
i have had an idea
gellaho
I'm assuming she dies before the lady cyborg ninja shows up
Science God Q Alchemy
She has been doomed this whole time, but other people keep getting in the way
Old Man Brendan
If they put Ice's broad torso on Raven's sweet legs, the engrams would permit this slash-fiction....
Science God Q Alchemy
The ultimate life form
gellaho
Man, there are two Steeles and no Ice
not cool
Old Man Brendan
Two Steeles = one Ice
if we're measuring lat circumference
gellaho
Well, I'm going to be in mourning for at least a week
I think I'll start TimeWars next time
sensitive New Age jakesy
I’m just catching up and what the fuck. Ice better get cyborged or none of this was worth it
I also love that Borodini just shows up and it turns out he’s pulling the strings of the US government now?
Bike Dancin' Greg
Right I didn't get the feeling he was that powerful
gellaho
In the third book he was hiding in a tiny room
That fourth book really feels like an anomaly, the story has almost nothing to do with the overall narrative. Again, that makes it the best one
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah he’s like a two-bit gangster and Masters is just like yes it makes sense that he’s one of the power brokers in the new USA
Did the doofy guy from the 4th book even make an appearance again? Tracy maybe?
Ice was literally the only interesting character
I’m pretty rattled he’s dead
It just always seems like there’s a moment in each of these that Masters remembers that Borodini exists and then he becomes like the mastermind working in the shadows as a pimp or a senator wrangler or whatever
gellaho
Tracy did not appear. I wish, he had so many hijinks
Bike Dancin' Greg
Oh right Tracy ruled too but in a different "why is this happening also, what?" sort of way
sensitive New Age jakesy
He’s the one who was forced to eat pussy to save his life and then fell in love with a different stripper from that scene
gellaho
Yeah, she got him stoned and fucked him
sensitive New Age jakesy
That book was definitely the best so far
Bike Dancin' Greg
Did we ever land on who got married at the end? It had to be Tracy
gellaho
Probably
I reread it, it was not specified
Bike Dancin' Greg
Fucking Masters i thought it was a cliffhanger and we would find out it was Ice or some shit in this book
But no. Bad writing
gellaho
I think I skipped over the part where Tracy & his stripper lady-friend went to Estes Park to visit her family. Turns out Estes Park is an anarcho-capitalist paradise in this future. They formed a convoy to fight at the fort, but arrived too late to do anything
Which is why I skipped it
Bike Dancin' Greg
Masters is really good at violating Chekov's gun
That or book 8 is going to tie all these loose threads together
gellaho
It's sort of like the Hardy Boys book, except the Hardy Boys disruption of tension was so immediate it was funny
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yeah the resolution of every problem in one paragraph in the Hardy boys books was amazing
Bike Dancin' Greg
Hardy Boys Style
A hail of gunfire tore apart the front window. "He's hit!", Raven cried. Steele looked over his shoulder and it looked like Ice was nearly torn in half by machine gun fire.
Chapter 54
"They almost got me!" Ice said, dusting himself off. "Let's ride!"
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ice and Steele arrived at the final conflict. They looked at each other apprehensively; did they have what it takes to kill the enemies? It turns out they did. Also Borodini is now in jail. The End.
Djonin Foxman
GOD DAMN IT
They killed Ice while I was driving home
Science God Q Alchemy
I'm certain raven is doomed, but im also surprised she's lived this long tbh
Maybe she'll live
Djonin Foxman
At least Ice died saying a one liner
He would've wanted to go out like a cheesy action star
gellaho
He never got to see that sex tape
New Pic
Djonin Foxman
I'm just going to assume that's what you look like and I will ignore any evidence to the contrary
