6: Renegade Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)

gellaho

Alright, I'm back in

Science God Q Alchemy

I love how steele is a cyborg loaded up with weapons who never stops fucking and everytime he's the focus were all just like "aww, this guy again"

Old Man Brendan

Ah, Wizened

Steele uses the language of the oppressor.

gellaho

A conversation between two black men, JD's strike zone

Science God Q Alchemy

I can't wait to see how raven reacts to him cheating then telling the woman he cheated with all her darkest traumas

gellaho

Fuck that honky up, Ice

Science God Q Alchemy

You don't have a public phone, but you do have an ice phone"

gellaho

Ice is very perceptive

gellaho

Ice immediately befriends the matrix

Everyone and everything loves Ice

Science God Q Alchemy

Ice is pretty great

gellaho

Steele, having finished his fuck-mission, goes back to his apartment without checking with anyone

gellaho

Steele is briefly captured before remembering he's a robot

gellaho

Ice to the rescue

gellaho

They're going to Borodini's old house, for some reason

Bike Dancin' Greg

Ice is so great

That description is the only they should always go with. Not his chest measurements

gellaho

Steele's plan is to take his story to the somehow still existing media

gellaho

Reminder that his story in this book is cheating on his girlfriend

gellaho

Victor Borodini alert

Science God Q Alchemy

I feel like I'd see "I cheated on my girlfriend and told the woman about her terrible trauma" is a post you'd see on r/relationship advice

gellaho

The mean senator is working with Victor Borodini

for some reason

:man_shrugging:

Science God Q Alchemy

Oh cool the senator is working with borodini

God forbid he not be completely evil

gellaho

Still not sure why this is happening

Science God Q Alchemy

Bad writing is always the answer

sensitive New Age jakesy

Hell yeah Borodini owns the senator

gellaho

Wtf is this shit

That's it?

"Hey you sleep with her"

"Yeah"

"Hey, that's cool"

Science God Q Alchemy

I think raven is written to be hawkes perfect woman

gellaho

The reverse Borodini assault begins

Science God Q Alchemy

Why do they keep bringing raven to these things?

gellaho

Most of Steele's battle mods seem pretty useless in battle

Djonin Foxman

How has Ice never said “wit’chu”? Come on Masters

gellaho

Ooh, a voltmeter

very useful in combat

Science God Q Alchemy

God, the thrill of reading about the ins and outs of complicated sci fi technology

gellaho

At least he didn't use the N-word in this book

Djonin Foxman

Oh Jesus

gellaho

which he did in Cold Steele

Djonin Foxman

Has he

Oh fuck

Bike Dancin' Greg

Masters is always jazzed about the voltmeter

Science God Q Alchemy

Remember how I said someone was gonna drop an n bomb in cold steele and you were all like "no I don't think so"

Never question me

Bike Dancin' Greg

Chekhov's voltmeter better fucking solve a problem in the last book

gellaho

They've commandeered a helicopter with relative ease

gellaho

Awriight

Science God Q Alchemy

Steele should kill the fuckers

Coward

Djonin Foxman

AWRIIGHT

gellaho

I'm going to need everyone to take a moment

gellaho

gellaho

Bike Dancin' Greg

No!

Wait

Is his penis ok?

Science God Q Alchemy

Nooooooooooo

Oooooooooo

Bike Dancin' Greg

It just says upper body

gellaho

Good night, sweet prince

Science God Q Alchemy

Wait whose dick is bigger do you think? I bet ice

Bike Dancin' Greg

Ice? Iccccceeeeee!

Science God Q Alchemy

Noooooooooooooooooooooo

Whyyyyyyyy!?

Bike Dancin' Greg

Is there really a reason Higgins can't fix him up?

Science God Q Alchemy

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

gellaho

gellaho

I'll just point out that the word "Renegade" is used about 40 times in the epilogue

gellaho

It's chekov's sex tape

They're also hanging out with Donna for some reason

Donna isn't introduced, she's just there all of a sudden

Science God Q Alchemy

hurray for revenge porn I guess?

gellaho

just a sex tape involving a dead man

And that's it

Science God Q Alchemy

There is no real morality to steele, but hawe's also unaware of the ammorality so it's not interesting about it.

gellaho

So Steele is a renegade because he went for a walk and cheated on his girlfriend

That's why this book is called "Renegade Steele"

and why Ice is dead

Science God Q Alchemy

I kind of felt steele going rogue would be more interesting

gellaho

That was the longest book

And nothing happened in it

Bike Dancin' Greg

There was a walkabout

And an inexplicable twist

gellaho

Weirdly, the next one isn't Fugitive Steele, but Target Steele

Science God Q Alchemy

Yeah, I keep saying a good editor could turn all 8 books into a single novel

gellaho

I hope this doesn't go on for two more books

Science God Q Alchemy

The best steele face

Bike Dancin' Greg

This is the right face for Steele on the run after losing his best friend and also he needs to poop

Bike Dancin' Greg

The best arm, too

Science God Q Alchemy

Is that the face steele makes when he enters women?

gellaho

Ice is now the Prime Minister of Heaven

Science God Q Alchemy

Rest In Power Ice

Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe

it's all downhill from here

gellaho

Old Man Brendan

I was eating dinner and Ice is dead?? Did I just fail the Neverending Story?

Why even keep going?

Bike Dancin' Greg

Not if we harass Masters to write a sequel series and bring him back as a cyborg

Old Man Brendan

We'd better get cyborg Ice.

Science God Q Alchemy

Cyborg ice has his human brain and cyborg dick

gellaho

There goes my fan fiction about Ice turning on Steele and taking over New York

Old Man Brendan

If Terminator can open three timelines, so can you.

Science God Q Alchemy

I think masters was getting annoyed about people liking ice more than steele

Old Man Brendan

It's understandable. Ice is the Rorschach of the series.

Science God Q Alchemy

I can't help but think both the daughter and Ice both absorbed ravens death

gellaho

It's telling that the most entertaining one was about a wiener who got put in wacky sexual situations and not Steele

Bike Dancin' Greg

Really though we all saw the grim reaper hanging around behind Ice since the beginning

Old Man Brendan

Raven died too??

Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe

ice was literally too cool to live

Science God Q Alchemy

Raven is doomed at this point, I there's no other side characters to kill in futile attempts at pathos

Bike Dancin' Greg

Raven is alive and hanging with Steele and Donna for some reason

Science God Q Alchemy

She's alive but she's the target

gellaho

She's fine, for now

Old Man Brendan

i have had an idea

gellaho

I'm assuming she dies before the lady cyborg ninja shows up

Science God Q Alchemy

She has been doomed this whole time, but other people keep getting in the way

Old Man Brendan

If they put Ice's broad torso on Raven's sweet legs, the engrams would permit this slash-fiction....

Science God Q Alchemy

The ultimate life form

gellaho

Man, there are two Steeles and no Ice

not cool

Old Man Brendan

Two Steeles = one Ice

if we're measuring lat circumference

gellaho

Well, I'm going to be in mourning for at least a week

I think I'll start TimeWars next time

sensitive New Age jakesy

I’m just catching up and what the fuck. Ice better get cyborged or none of this was worth it

I also love that Borodini just shows up and it turns out he’s pulling the strings of the US government now?

Bike Dancin' Greg

Right I didn't get the feeling he was that powerful

gellaho

In the third book he was hiding in a tiny room

That fourth book really feels like an anomaly, the story has almost nothing to do with the overall narrative. Again, that makes it the best one

sensitive New Age jakesy

Yeah he’s like a two-bit gangster and Masters is just like yes it makes sense that he’s one of the power brokers in the new USA

Did the doofy guy from the 4th book even make an appearance again? Tracy maybe?

Ice was literally the only interesting character

I’m pretty rattled he’s dead

It just always seems like there’s a moment in each of these that Masters remembers that Borodini exists and then he becomes like the mastermind working in the shadows as a pimp or a senator wrangler or whatever

gellaho

Tracy did not appear. I wish, he had so many hijinks

Bike Dancin' Greg

Oh right Tracy ruled too but in a different "why is this happening also, what?" sort of way

sensitive New Age jakesy

He’s the one who was forced to eat pussy to save his life and then fell in love with a different stripper from that scene

gellaho

Yeah, she got him stoned and fucked him

sensitive New Age jakesy

That book was definitely the best so far

Bike Dancin' Greg

Did we ever land on who got married at the end? It had to be Tracy

gellaho

Probably

I reread it, it was not specified

Bike Dancin' Greg

Fucking Masters i thought it was a cliffhanger and we would find out it was Ice or some shit in this book

But no. Bad writing

gellaho

I think I skipped over the part where Tracy & his stripper lady-friend went to Estes Park to visit her family. Turns out Estes Park is an anarcho-capitalist paradise in this future. They formed a convoy to fight at the fort, but arrived too late to do anything

Which is why I skipped it

Bike Dancin' Greg

Masters is really good at violating Chekov's gun

That or book 8 is going to tie all these loose threads together

gellaho

It's sort of like the Hardy Boys book, except the Hardy Boys disruption of tension was so immediate it was funny

sensitive New Age jakesy

Yeah the resolution of every problem in one paragraph in the Hardy boys books was amazing

Bike Dancin' Greg

Hardy Boys Style

A hail of gunfire tore apart the front window. "He's hit!", Raven cried. Steele looked over his shoulder and it looked like Ice was nearly torn in half by machine gun fire.

Chapter 54

"They almost got me!" Ice said, dusting himself off. "Let's ride!"

sensitive New Age jakesy

Ice and Steele arrived at the final conflict. They looked at each other apprehensively; did they have what it takes to kill the enemies? It turns out they did. Also Borodini is now in jail. The End.

Djonin Foxman

GOD DAMN IT

They killed Ice while I was driving home

Science God Q Alchemy

I'm certain raven is doomed, but im also surprised she's lived this long tbh

Maybe she'll live

Djonin Foxman

At least Ice died saying a one liner

He would've wanted to go out like a cheesy action star

gellaho

He never got to see that sex tape

New Pic

Djonin Foxman

I'm just going to assume that's what you look like and I will ignore any evidence to the contrary