Nancy takes off after a smuggling ring - and flies head-on into a major disaster!
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gellaho
Ladies' Month continues in the Book Cage, with the return of Nancy Drew. Explosives seem to haunt all mystery teens, and not even the power of aviation can save Nancy. Will case #13 prove unlucky for Nancy? Will her trip to Seattle have any impact on the infant grunge scene? Why does the man on the cover seem happy about the crashing plane? Find out the answers to these questions and more, this Friday, 5pm eastern, as we read The Nancy Drew Files (tm) Case #13: Wings of Fear.
gellaho
gellaho
@Brockway Pin this, or I will be forced to throw a rock through your window with a note warning you to pin this.
Metal Sheepdog, Killology PhD
Poor Nancy, a plane is going down and she has to pay more attention to the guy ogling her than to the tragedy
FancyShark
It...kind of sounds like we know why the bomb is there
gellaho
I'll save my rocks. For now
gellaho
In just over two hours, we will begin to uncover exactly how Nancy Drew was involved in 9/11
FancyShark
"I sure hope Ned knows how to fly a plane!"
Derpbat
I assumed she was, somehow.
gellaho
Coming up on the hour, it's The Nancy Drew Files (tm) Case #13: Wings of Fear. Here's your preview, and don't be resentful like that handsome Sean Richmond.
FancyShark
Every unhappy person in baggage claim is actually acting out their favorite Grant Sweeney scenes
Derpbat
How old is Nancy meant to be?
FancyShark
Seventeenish?
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
I thought she was like 14?
anyone remember veronica mars? which was basically CW nancy drew
Derpbat
Because her old school friend is now a flight attendant.
FancyShark
I think she was in the original run, but these are the 90's ones
Derpbat
And... aren't they usually in their late teens and early 20s?
FancyShark
oh right, I think she's in college
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
you could be a flight attendant at 18
oh so she's over 18
Derpbat
I wouldn't describe an 18 year old as an old school friend.
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
nobody get weird about that
Derpbat
Even if they dropped out at 16.
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
depends on how long ago you went to school. they could have been elementary friends
Derpbat
True.
gellaho
She is in college, I think. She was working at that comedy club in the last one. Ned's definitely in college
FancyShark
Ned also ate his SAT exam
Derpbat
Makes sense, then.
gellaho
And by the last one, I mean 66 cases after this one
FancyShark
I love that Nancy has an actual rep while the Hardys have to explain who they are every single time
I think people are just pretending they don't know who Joe and Frank are in hopes they'll go away
gellaho
Although, nobody in her home town comedy club knew who she was
FancyShark
It was all the illegal gambling and juice bar drinking
gellaho
Right, the comedy club that didn't serve alcohol
Derpbat
In fairness, Joe and Frank being involved will occasionally lead to people dying in ways that wouldn't have if they'd just gone to the police.
I don't think that's a thing for Nancy Drew.
FancyShark
They could have foregone the entire illegal gambling venture if they'd just gotten a liquor license
Derpbat
Also, isn't Nancy Drew an actual detective, while the Hardy Boys just keep saying 'Hey, our dad is a detective! THIS INFERS WE HAVE THAT CAPACITY TOO.'
gellaho
This one has a plane bomb, so we'll have to see
Derpbat
Meanwhile, Nancy's dad is, like, an attorney.
Or something.
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
Turns out it's not a hereditary skill
also their mom drank too much during pregnancy
gellaho
Which I would argue is worse, because she's not an actual detective
Derpbat
Oh.
Evil J, Hotdog Spymaster
technically there's no law against investigating shit parallel to the cops
wait actually turns out there's several
Derpbat
But is there a law against turning up at crime scenes ahead of the cops and then taking evidence?
What?
All the laws?
Well, I never.
EvilUrchin
I dunno, worked out for the main character of Nightcrawler
gellaho
This crashing airplane leaves Nancy feeling cold
FancyShark
"Nancy, give me a pose that says 'vulnerable'! IGNORE THE PLANE!"
gellaho
Nancy's cat phone is ringing
FancyShark
Suicide already?
Derpbat
I'm not surprised.
Gentleman Brendan
It was an argument against superman's solid midwestern upbringing. It was nature beating nurture because in the end he was a wasp pupa. You can see him almost succumb to nurture right before Not Diane Lane tries to stab him. From his alien monster POV it's a comedy rather than a tragedy, because then he's able to embrace the change.
FancyShark
I know the feeling. I've worked after-hours on-call. But you could try unplugging the phone first.
gellaho
Certainly seems like something Nancy needs to be involved with
Gentleman Brendan
If he was evil Supes because he was the freak at school, then the story changes to how good parenting can't prevent your school shooter kid.
But he specifically first attacks people who love him and have done nothing wrong.
FancyShark
"Jennifer, call the cops."
gellaho
Jennifer seems to be under the impression that there's an airline serial killer
Gentleman Brendan
I like both of these creators as writers and I think people.
Also, HELLO LET'S DREW THIS.
FancyShark
"Not my jurisdiction, Jen." <click>
Gentleman Brendan
Looks more like she's uncomfortable around HS Brett Kavanaugh.
gellaho
I can't believe the cops didn't listen to this hunch
FancyShark
"He was out on his usual drunk drive and someone must have killed him!"
Gentleman Brendan
My coworker's car crashed, and a girl I used to babysit is the only one who can close the case. I've already purchased her flight out; the airline can reimburse me.
gellaho
You gotta help, Nancy! Soon dozens of cars will be falling off cliffs!
gasp!
FancyShark
Those are called "employees"
gellaho
"Did you tell the police that, or just call me for no reason?"
Gentleman Brendan
They're certainly not called airline execs.
Derpbat
You know, smuggling! Like pilots do!
FancyShark
"I pestered him until he made a joke. Arrest him, Nancy!"
gellaho
Nancy has either not met Ned yet, or forgotten him entirely
gellaho
I'm guessing the latter
Derpbat
You know, smuggling! That thing smugglers famously joke about to people they are not sure won't hand them in to the accursed revenue!
FancyShark
oh sweet Ned, Nancy will find you one day
Derpbat
In fairness, it's easy to forget Ned.
I have done so twice in the past ten minutes.
gellaho
Little rich girl
FancyShark
Back when plane tickets were cheaper than milk
Derpbat
<Daddy Drew> Nancy, shouldn't you say goodbye to your boyfriend and maybe tell him you're going to Seattle?
<Nancy> My wha?
FancyShark
<Ned> I still don't understand chopsticks!
Derpbat
<Daddy Drew> You know, Nate? He proposed to you?
gellaho
"Also, how did you pay for this?"
Derpbat
<Nancy> Oh, Daddy, you and your jokes. ANYWAY GOING TO SEATTLE ON A WHIM.
FancyShark
"I stole your credit card. Bye, Dad!"
Derpbat
Did Nate propose to her?
I feel like that definitely happened at least once.
Gentleman Brendan
We know Ned's not in the picture because there's enough breakfast left for two people.
gellaho
Yeah, I only live for you, Nancy
Gentleman Brendan
This book is really going to make us watch each character learn/be reminded of this character we just met.
Derpbat
<Nancy> So, someone died and I was asked to investigate and the moment I mentioned Seattle you stopped listening, didn't you. I could get you to eat your comb now.
FancyShark
Bess just killed a guy, so she can't believe her luck
Derpbat
<Bess> Yay Seattle!
Gentleman Brendan
Something about "I love the west coast" just doesn't jive with a visit to Seattle.
gellaho
Oh, 1987
Derpbat
In fairness, I'm just impressed Bess has object permanence in this book.
Gentleman Brendan
Like it's an awesome town and it's VERY west coast but you can't swim, surf, or stare inappropriately at girls on roller skates.
Derpbat
"The Orient."
FancyShark
Seattle: Gateway to the East
Derpbat
Even in 1987, that was a weird word to use.
Gentleman Brendan
I heard The Orient from contemporary speakers this week.
Derpbat
Also, "Hong Kong, Tokyo. the Philippines which I assume is just another city"
You can't name a city in the Philippines, Bess?
FancyShark
Philadelphia?
gellaho
Good to see the president of the airline is leaving this to Nancy
Gentleman Brendan
Is The Orient not okay? I thought the only no-go was describing people.
Derpbat
Were CEOS in the 1980s more willing to hear that... wait, did Nancy just assume a boy was involved, and turn out to be right?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Seems like this airline really wants this thing hushed up.
Derpbat
I didn't say it's not okay, just weird.
Gentleman Brendan
I need to know! I have a lot of Sargent paintings to discuss!
FancyShark
Jennifer just has to call her aunt, a local library, her favorite celebrity chef, and then if there's time, the cops
Derpbat
It's one step above banging a gong and going 'THE MYSTICAL FAR EAST.'.
Also, the 'Orient' does not now, and never has, included The Philipines.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I was going to read what was already posted but I’d like to see how confusing it is jumping in the middle of Nancy drew mysteries.
gellaho
An airline run by college students, what could go wrong
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
When you hear 'the orient' in a movie the odds of someone appearing in yellowface jumps 200%
Derpbat
Either the very large country or the mysterious city of 'The Philipines'.
gellaho
I'm on page 9
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Skycap?
Gentleman Brendan
Jennifer can march into the president's office and tell him she's independently hired a teen PI but the cops won't listen.
Derpbat
Also, this is 1987. People knew what Manila was. I know Bess is stupid.
Okay, okay, I'm over it. I'll focus.
FancyShark
"Also, do you know how to rewire a damaged airplane, Nancy? Because none of us do and we've got a group of tourists in the air making peace with their gods."
Derpbat
So, since then, Nancy assumed that her friend Jess had blown her off for a boy.
And turned out to be right.
gellaho
But investigating is my thing, gosh
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy fills the void in smuggling.
Derpbat
But it's a rich boy who happens to be the CEO of a whole airplane and is totally cool with hiring a teenage girl to investigate.
Gentleman Brendan
Honestly i would love a novel series about a teen Moriarty.
Derpbat
Nancy, it's 1987 in Seattle.
FancyShark
Jesus, Nancy. What tipped you off?
gellaho
Here comes Stone Cold
Derpbat
Take a break. Let Jenn get put in mortal danger for a bit while you go to Pike's Place.
FancyShark
OH YEAH!
Derpbat
Get some coffee.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Take in an early Soundgarden show and be smug about hearing them before they got big for the rest of your life.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
It’s a pretty powerful tool.
And you’ll have authority in Seattle after that too.
Derpbat
Honestly, you're not going to solve this before one of your close friends is held hostage by a deranged madman who assumes you're further along in this case then you actually are.
You may as well let them get on with the part before that.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
We have a monument called The Black Hole Sun.
Derpbat
No.
I don't care if that's true.
No.
I reject that reality.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Lmao
gellaho
Jennifer seems to not be terribly bothered by the broken window
Gentleman Brendan
My buddy lives near Eddie Vedder and his presence has its own gravity in the neighborhood.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
He looks stressed. Seems like the kind of guy who owns planes.
Derpbat
Aircraft CEO's, famously known for being totally cool with having rocks thrown at them.
FancyShark
Rocks are always flying through airport windows
gellaho
Yeah, OK, sure
Derpbat
Also, is he just... hanging out in the airport? Is that where airlines have their offices?
Gentleman Brendan
Ol' Boy-crazy Bess.
Derpbat
Because that sounds like something a child would dream up.
FancyShark
"Well, guess I'll leave then"
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Late 80s Seattle means she is required to meet Bill Gates.
Gentleman Brendan
I heard a lot of airports are breeding hawks to keep the runways free of flying rocks.
gellaho
Nothing suspicious here
Derpbat
She is required to meet Bill Gates, and Bess is required to misunderstand what he does so many times that he thinks Nancy is very nice to be a caregiver to such a poor, unfortunate girl.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I don’t know, we don’t really like the cops in Seattle.
Then again, that was mostly post 99
Derpbat
I'm trying to think of what you'd smuggle between 'the orient' and the west coast.
And I keep coming back to human trafficking.
It's human trafficking, isn't it.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Yeah. We’ve had a lot of people pulled out of shipping containers here.
gellaho
Two whole days of training
gellaho
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Either that, or his 'airline' is more like Epstein's private plane.
Derpbat
Oh, hey, they got Bess out of the way early.
FancyShark
Day One: Don't Open Plane Door When In Air
Day Two: Your Ass WILL Get Pinched
Derpbat
She's going to be divorced from a flight attendant by next Monday.
Bye, Bess! I'm sure your sudden interest in being a flight attendant won't in any way play into the finale!
FancyShark
Bess was recruited into some rando's standup routine early in the last book. Maybe this always happens
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Oh shit I forgot - 80s Seattle was incredibly violent.
Gentleman Brendan
I bet you could learn 80% of the job in two days, though.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
gellaho
So hot, you guys
Gentleman Brendan
I was a deckhand, and that was not intense training.
Derpbat
A lot of being a flight attendant in the earlier days was basically just good customer service and being pretty.
So, Bess may be good to go just on two days of training.
gellaho
I'm sure this will be relevant to this children's book
Gentleman Brendan
"I hired Nancy Drew to solve my friend's death, and she borrowed my car to fuck my boyfriend."
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It wasn't until after 9/11 that flight attendants had to be proficient in hand to hand combat.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Nancy Drew and the heroin shipment from the orient
gellaho
Redhead, check
Gentleman Brendan
Djonin, this might be your origin story.
Derpbat
Okay, so we have Nancy Drew, two friends, and a random red head.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Did a tiger get smuggled in from… wait
Gentleman Brendan
Sounds like a pretty fun Friday.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Ok google, where do tigers come from
Derpbat
Who wants to take bets on who's going to be the first to die?
gellaho
Snacking, check
Derpbat
I have no idea which of these four women is going to have a horrible fate.
Oh, Bess.
You female Chet.
...I'm sorry, Bess, that was too far.
FancyShark
That's Nancy way of saying "fat bitch"
Derpbat
Oh, don't cry. You look like a sad whale when you cry.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I swear if they’re smuggling tigers
Derpbat
Seriously, fat people have lives outside of food.
gellaho
Cotilla the Hun
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Not til after the 90s
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Keene's ghostwriters are a lot more subtle about calling people fat than Dixon's ghostwriters.
Derpbat
For instance, Bess is best friends with a sociopathic teenage detective who repeatedly takes advantage of her.
And that's why Bess eats.
gellaho
Alright, Miranda is insane
gellaho
FancyShark
Miranda's been murdered several times already
DJ-100 model, Djonin
What
FancyShark
oooookay
Derpbat
What.
Okay, so... Miranda's dead, right?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Miranda confirmed for malfunctioning Sim.
Derpbat
How long do we give her?
Two chapters?
FancyShark
If Miranda's insane, she's going to be the key witness
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Oh geez, Chinese ming vases are the smuggled object huh
gellaho
"I'm willing to disparage the dead to save my ass"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Those vases had better be just overflowing with heroin.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
“What’s something expensive from the Far East”
“I dunno, vases”
Gentleman Brendan
"Cotilla is a MURDERER!" cackled Miranda. "I'm JOKING, of course!" as blood ran out of her ears.
Derpbat
I feel like there are literally thousands of ways to smuggle in a vase that are better than this.
So, so far so Keene.
Gentleman Brendan
He only smuggled heroin to insulate the vases from cracking.
FancyShark
Better bite on the vase to check if it's real
Derpbat
...wait.
Isn't Jennifer Miranda's room mate?
Gentleman Brendan
The original S&tC gals
Derpbat
Did... did she just never notice the vase?
Gentleman Brendan
Sleuth and the Crime
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Is the CEO of an airline dating a girl in college that lives with a roommate?
gellaho
Nancy briefly remembers her boyfriend while checking out another dude
Derpbat
A girl who appears to be entirely oblivious to literally everything that is not immediately in her field of view?
Yeah, that sounds on brand for an airline CEO.
No notes.
Also, hahahaha Ned you utter waste of plain jello.
gellaho
Jennifer is dating the handsome boy Sean l. Talbot owns the airline and doesn't like cops
Gentleman Brendan
back then they treated you like an adult at 18 because you could get a real job and pay your own bills.
FancyShark
Ned has been talking to a broom with a nametag that reads "Nancy" for the past few months
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Okay I actually just googled it, and Chinese artifacts like Ming vases are actually a more lucrative smuggling object than drugs for roughly the same level of risk.
Gentleman Brendan
Ned goes to Emerson? Oh Nancy.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
And the rates have only been going up.
Derpbat
There are always more drugs.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Ned's been calling and having conversations with Nancy's answering machine for weeks without noticing.
Derpbat
They stopped making ming vases around 1642 for some reason.
Gentleman Brendan
Those damned vase-sniffing dogs though.
Derpbat
So that checks out.
Anyway, Ned and the broom will have a lovely church wedding.
FancyShark
"It's nice that you listen so much, Nancy."
"TURN TAPE OVER."
"You too, babe."
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Someone should call the ming dynasty and complain
Derpbat
I do feel like if you're going to steal a ming vase, this is literally the worst way to do it.
And I'm not sure why you'd give it to an 18 year old girl who lives with a barely sentient plant.
...wait, no, that makes perfect sense.
gellaho
I'm sure that's what it is, Sean
FancyShark
"I HAVEN'T SEEN MY FAMILY IN DAYS!"
"Ugh, so jealous"
Derpbat
Jenny, love, your boss is the guy in charge of the baggage and you have observation skills that make God regret giving you sight.
I'm pretty sure you're not a management trainee.
Gentleman Brendan
If I've learned one thing, it's that the cantankerous dude is always innocent.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I have never heard of Ned Nickerson but he sounds like a bunch of drywall in front of some unsalted crackers.
Derpbat
His summer job is insurance salesman.
FancyShark
You are so spot on, it's like you wrote him
Derpbat
That is the job a guy going to college and dating Nancy Drew decided he would do over the summer.
gellaho
"HEY, YOU GOT ANYTHING ILLEGAL DOWN HERE?"
Derpbat
By his own choice.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
The first clue is his name is Ned.
Derpbat
Ned Nickerson is the drywall that drywall wants to grow up to be.
gellaho
He likes eating. That is all I've gleaned
Derpbat
Nancy, that is not how you be a detective.
Gentleman Brendan
Nickerson Insurance: We're not a front for organized crime!
FancyShark
Nancy immediately starts several fires
Derpbat
How... how have you survived this long when your first instinctive question is to ask about the crime you suspect them of.
That's... actually still better than the Hardy Boys.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Nancy has a terrifying reputation that cows people into confessions.
FancyShark
Joe would be stuck in the baggage return by now
DJ-100 model, Djonin
The Hardy Boys make Nancy Drew look like Hercule Poirot
gellaho
MUST EAT
Derpbat
Go to water, Nancy.
Go to water.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I’ve never read Nancy Drew, do her adventures end up with being held at gunpoint like Hardy Boys?
Derpbat
My understanding is that usually she causes other people to be held at gunpoint.
gellaho
Page 33, seems legit
Derpbat
Also, does Nancy just forget that she has a boyfriend and also that Sean's girlfriend is right there?
FancyShark
So far, yes
gellaho
She did get knocked out a couple of times in the last one
Derpbat
Good work, Jennifer!
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Maybe she’s with Ned because she gets enough excitement in her sleuthing work
FancyShark
The first hail of bullets guarantee that Jennifer's funeral will be closed casket
Derpbat
You had your friend fly in from... wherever she lives... to come in and watch you, the world's single least observant woman, solve this crime.
FancyShark
"Holy shit! Hi, Nancy! Why are you here?!"
Derpbat
Boy, I really hope this isn't going to turn around and embarrass you in front of the boyfriend who just had a date with a prettier and smarter girl.
That would be awful.
gellaho
"Me see shiny, illegal shiny"
gellaho
DJ-100 model, Djonin
… diamonds?
Derpbat
pained breath
oh, sweetie, no.
oh, no.
FancyShark
Jules Winnfield then shoots her
Derpbat
I don't think her dying would be murder anymore.
I'm not even sure it would be animal cruelty.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
It would be herbicide
Gentleman Brendan
Last known sighting of Jennifer
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The died the way she lived: oblivious.
Gentleman Brendan
This is the most character development she's ever received.
Derpbat
I mean, no, I take that back.
gellaho
Must eat tensely
DJ-100 model, Djonin
This talk of diamonds makes me afraid of the Nancy Drew where she goes to Africa and runs afoul of the DeBeers
Derpbat
I'm not sure Sean knew he was Jenny's boyfriend.
Gentleman Brendan
Pizza makes a lot more sense if you think it's these teens talking in code about sex.
I couldn't afford this much pizza as a teen.
Derpbat
I refuse to consider the idea that Jenny is sexually active, so no, it's pizza.
Also, Nancy Drew just flew to Seattle on a whim.
Like, on the day she got that whim.
She has pizza money.
gellaho
So, anyway 9/11
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Never forget
Derpbat
Nancy, did you think you were a genius because your closest friends in school were Bess and Jennifer?
Is that where this confidence comes from?
Did... did you decide to surround yourself with them to always look better in comparison?
Is that why you're dating Ned?
I'm curious what the target readership for this book was, because the Mary Kate and Ashley navy propaganda book had more respect for its readers, and I don't just say that because I am contractually obligated to approve of navy propaganda.
gellaho
So, they decide that 747 is a major clue and Nancy just runs straight towards a 747 that just came in
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Dear god, a 747 in an airport?
In the 80s?!?
gellaho
I think it would be easier to get to the luggage if it's in the airport than on a departing airplane
Derpbat
...you know, smuggling ming dynasty vases to Singapore.
That old con trick.
FancyShark
shoot. I have to step away for actual work. Save point set.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
That’s a fucking terrible idea. Singapore is so fucking draconian with their laws. You smuggle to Hong Kong because no one cares and everyone’s in Hong Kong to do illegal shit anyways.
Derpbat
Smuggling ming dynasty vases to Singapore from China via one of the few countries in the world that may actually care that you're doing so.
👍
Gentleman Brendan
"What a lovely vase, Rod? Where did you buy it?"
"Oh...down at this department store, I forget the name. But I remember the price..." Rod's eyebrows waggled like caterpillars doing mating dances. "$7.47." He cackled manically.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
You can’t even chew gum in Singapore
Singaporean tourists go to Malaysia to experience what it’s like to bribe cops and litter
Derpbat
Was this before or after that event where they literally beat an American teenager for trying to spray paint on a building.
gellaho
The stuff was taken off the plane before being sent to Singapore
Derpbat
That does make more sense.
gellaho
The plane came from Korea
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Hmm.
gellaho
And now Nancy gets a free trip to Singapore
gellaho
Derpbat
I've heard of weirder routes than Korea to Singapore via Seattle.
Well, bye Nancy.
You'll like Singapore.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Shanghaied to Singapore
You missed a good title.
gellaho
Great work from the brain trust
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Damn
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Why did they rev the engines?
gellaho
For fun
Derpbat
I'm not sure this particular iteration of Carolyn Keene knows how planes actually work.
Gentleman Brendan
I'm completely fine with this.
It gave us our greatest Wesley Crusher episode of STTNG
Derpbat
I'm just wondering how the iteration of Carolyn Keene that managed to not learn anything about the Philippines while writing a book in 1986 knew about Singapore.
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy will actually be frozen to the spot if she doesn't put some cargo hold clothes on.
Derpbat
Because not knowing a city in the Philippines in 1986 would be kind of like not knowing about 9/11 when you publish a book in 2002.
gellaho
Really harping on the handsome bit. Ned's in a great place
gellaho
Let's let the Phillipines thing go
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Nancy Drew lucked out - things wouldn’t be good for an unknown undocumented person suddenly showing up in Singapore in 87
Derpbat
Yeah, yeah. You're right.
Just mostly thinking why Singapore.
Gentleman Brendan
Handsome people never commit crimes.
Why do you think I'm only wanted in the countries known for their lusty ladies?
Derpbat
Nancy Drew has weird luck powers.
gellaho
CONSUME
Derpbat
Oh, hey Bess.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
God damn, stop eating all the pizza in Seattle
Derpbat
In 1987, what were the pizza options in Seattle?
Pizza hut?
gellaho
Bess seems well suited for this
DJ-100 model, Djonin
We have a really really good place called Pagliacci which is the pride of the city.
Derpbat
Huh. Cool.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Pagliacci is fucking gourmet.
Derpbat
Nancy has learned the secret to Bess taming.
Just... give her more food.
You know, don't actually comfort your friend.
MORE FOOD.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
In their defense, Pagliacci pizza looks like this.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
It’s like platonic ideal pizza.
Suck my dick New York.
Derpbat
Dammit, now I want pizza.
Gentleman Brendan
Too thick.
Dis ai't real pizzuh
gellaho
No, I bet it's the luggage wizards
DJ-100 model, Djonin
DJ-100 model, Djonin
… fuck.
Pizza tonight I guess.
Derpbat
I feel like a priceless ming vase is not something you want to smuggle in an airplane's cargo hold, even in the 1980s.
gellaho
Meet Paul, the baggage handler
Derpbat
He seems nice.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
…huh
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Nancy regrets not packing her collapsible baton.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Baggage handlers apparently act like New York bricklayers.
gellaho
Nancy decides it's a great idea to break into rooms at the airport
Gentleman Brendan
What is this sbarro shit you're giving me? I'ma tell youse where to get a REAL slice.
Derpbat
I mean... congratulations, Nancy, if this was Texas he'd be allowed to put your head on his wall.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They work in airport basements so they can't miss any opportunity to cat call.
Derpbat
Fortunately it's Seattle, I guess.
Gentleman Brendan
I don't even know Paul!
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Okay but we have the most fuckable Bigfoot as our mascot.
Derpbat
That is a very fuckable Bigfoot.
gellaho
Really weird that Sweeny would react that way to your break-in attempt
Gentleman Brendan
That Bigfoot drives--and lives in--a van.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Ehh, Seattle doesn’t have a duty to retreat law.
Gentleman Brendan
Who's Grant? Is he Paul's brother? What about Preston? Ned, you have no chance.
This reminds me of F is for Family where a whole airline is like 20 regional people and a strip of asphalt.
gellaho
he runs baggage handling
Gentleman Brendan
Pre-9/11 was wild. You could just hang out, walk up.
Derpbat
It's an airline that so far as we can tell just goes between the Orient and Seattle.
Gentleman Brendan
Tickets were more expensive than now though.
Derpbat
Smuggling is probably the only reason it even survived long enough to make the first flight.
Nancy is going to put all these people out of business.
gellaho
Nancy's strategy is to be as irritating as possible
Derpbat
Nope, I believe him.
gellaho
I don't know, Nancy, is it a clue?
Derpbat
And I will tell you for why.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Shit. I want to see Nancy Drew team up with the guy from LA Noire now.
Derpbat
Because he's the first suspect in a Nancy Drew book.
So he almost certainly cannot be guilty.
Gentleman Brendan
How many times do you think Nancy Drew gets called a bitch by a middle-aged man who thinks she's supposed to be obedient?
Was that what all the swears were in The Clue in the Clock?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Depends on the decade.
Derpbat
I just assume that's the background noise of her life.
She doesn't even comment on it anymore.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Fuck no it really doesn’t depend on the decade huh
Derpbat
No, but it's nice to pretend.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It happens less often now that she carries a taser.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
It’s about ethics in sleuth journalism
Gentleman Brendan
Honestly, Veronica Mars is just Nancy Drew with a taser.
gellaho
Bitch is frequently used in children's literature, sure
Gentleman Brendan
I am kind of in awe of how immediate the stories are.
Derpbat
Didn't she also have a gun?
Gentleman Brendan
Teen lit lets a lot live in the margins.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Reading expressions in Nancy Drew:
Gentleman Brendan
Only in the Hulu series after a lifetime of noir heartbreak.
Derpbat
I know there was a CW Nancy Drew series that was basically just Veronica Mars.
I don't remember anything else but that.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
CW Nancy Drew? Oof, I don’t think I can take the thought of a sexually active Nancy Drew.
Henry
the nancy drew games get hilariously bad
jerma's playthrough is legendary
gellaho
Computer printouts, riveting stuff for the kids
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Jerma would be baffled by the plot twists of the books.
We need Jerma and Vinny doing a Hardy boys mystery.
Derpbat
...how is 747 a clue?
gellaho
MUST CONSUME
Derpbat
...wow, taco salads were a thing way earlier than I expected.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
She had to get a taco salad because Pagliacci put a photo of her near the counter with orders not to let her in
gellaho
Nancy has begun the stalking portion of the investigation
Derpbat
It took her longer than I would have expected.
Also, no one's died yet except the original victim. I don't know if that's as notable as it feels to me.
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy was the 9/11 mastermind.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Judging by his truck, Sweeney is going to take out half a dozen cyclists on the way to his destination.
gellaho
The most awkward car chase
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy is 25 confirmed.
Derpbat
The least believable part of this is they let a teenage girl rent a car in 1987.
Without anyone else to sign off on that.
gellaho
Then, this happens. Somehow
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I assume bribes were involved.
Derpbat
HAHAHAHA. Five minutes later Nancy Vat 73 turned over and decanted the new Nancy Drew.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You can just go through those gates, Nancy. They're designed to break away specifically so you don't get stuck on the tracks.
gellaho
But, no worries, Nancy Drew follows Hardy Boys anticlimactic cliffhanger rules
Derpbat
Wait, wasn't the train barreling straight at her?
Did... did Carolyn Keene #76A just decide to forget what she wrote and keep moving?
That's ballsy.
gellaho
Don't worry about it, cookie time!
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Nancy busy doing the worst GTA missions.
Derpbat
Not enough model planes or awful pretend rappers.
gellaho
The first Hardy Boys book I read included a cliffhanger where Joe fell into subway tracks, and then the next chapter started with him not falling into subway tracks. It is the way
Derpbat
But I do hear a ghost on the wind telling me all we had to do was follow the damn car.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This being kid fic, they're not allowed to describe bess as having a post-coital glow.
Derpbat
Okay then.
gellaho
gasp double stolen
Derpbat
By the pirate code, when they steal the stolen vase back it now belongs to them for real.
Gentleman Brendan
"We have cookies!"
"Yay!"
"They're mostly coconut."
"Alright, Drew, I did it! I killed Rod!"
gellaho
It wasn't that solid, you still don't actually know if it was smuggled in. Or real
DJ-100 model, Djonin
“The Orient”
Every time they say that I forget this is set in 1987
gellaho
Blake Maxell seems cool
gellaho
Also seems like they are rolling with a typo on Maxwell
Derpbat
Hmmm... A jerk introduced in the back half of the book?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
This guy's family fortune was built on blank VHS tapes.
FancyShark
Load save point. What'd I miss?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
A boring car chase.
gellaho
The forty year old book has yielded
DJ-100 model, Djonin
And also a pipe wrench
FancyShark
Sweet
RIP book
Derpbat
And they lost the vase.
FancyShark
GASP
Derpbat
Which is the end of the story.
I assume.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Why’d she pose like she was being spied on by Joseph Joestar’s Stand?
Derpbat
The hunk has x ray vision.
gellaho
Typically this is a gesture normal humans make when they are cold
And Jennifer and Sean have now broken up
Derpbat
But since she dates Nick she's not entirely sure what to cover.
gellaho
If you care
I don't
Gentleman Brendan
His brother Beta is the real killer.
Derpbat
Did Sean actually know they were dating then?
FancyShark
Is Miranda the killer?
Gentleman Brendan
Bullshit you could make a flight reservation in 87 by computer.
Maybe 91 on AOL.
gellaho
Jennifer seems very stable
Gentleman Brendan
But does he...y'know, party?
gellaho
He didn't like that she was involving herself in the investigation
Really, nobody did
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy mimed a rail of coke by way of explanation.
Derpbat
Sean remains the wisest of us all.
FancyShark
"Fuck you, Nancy! Why'd you even show up for this thing I asked you to show up for?"
Derpbat
Jenny, you may be the dumbest woman in Seattle in 1987.
gellaho
Part your lips in dismay, everyone
FancyShark
LIIIIIIPS
Derpbat
And Bess is loving every minute of it.
gellaho
Yeah, you seem really broken up about it
FancyShark
"Wow, drama much? Oh hey, they've got Knight Rider on TNT"
gellaho
You remember the dead guy? Me neither
Derpbat
Bess has found her purpose in life.
And I for one encourage it.
FancyShark
Guys always buy empty-headed women lunch at great restaurants for platonic reasons
gellaho
EAT
FancyShark
Only the fanciest of Sbarro's will do
Gentleman Brendan
Bess is way more fun than Nancy.
She parties, eats, flirts.
gellaho
"She just made up that story about the diamonds, but that was two days ago!"
FancyShark
"Next you're going to say you don't believe she got that scar in a pitfight"
Derpbat
No, I think she has a point.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Jennifer's not qualified to decide which piece of cutlery to use.
Derpbat
Jenny isn't smart enough to make this up.
gellaho
What a ridiculous assertion. Not leaving it to amateurs? Ludicrous
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Master detective skills: "Hey, can you get me a list of the people most likely to do crimes?"
FancyShark
Luckily, Maxell has charted out the stats on every employee
gellaho
How dare he not massage my ego!
FancyShark
Nancy gets her piano wire
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Maxell's neg was successful.
gellaho
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
FancyShark
"WAS YOUR BOARDING GROUP CALLED?!"
gellaho
"Please, stop bothering me"
FancyShark
Grant is not only the gruff manager of the baggage department, but its only employee
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"Nancy wondered if it was a 747." They're very distinctively shaped planes, detective.
gellaho
And here's Paulie the Pervert
FancyShark
"His penis was only halfway out, to be coy"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Nancy slides her knuckledusters on behind her back.
FancyShark
Have I been going to the wrong airports? I thought the most intimate they got was the USB kiosk
gellaho
Really inconsistent with the 747 spelling
FancyShark
Writer wanted to test the editor
gellaho
"Well, then, I'm not horny anymore"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Honestly, those were like, the only 2 planes airlines used for transoceanic travel in the 80s.
Gentleman Brendan
Has the president of the company tried sitting down and listing everyone who could be making him look like a fool?
gellaho
Here's Linda. She's been mentioned in passing a lot. Apparently she's a meanie
Gentleman Brendan
Cotilla the Hon!
FancyShark
Wow, rude
Gentleman Brendan
"We don't bump into people on this crew!" snapped Linda. "You're new, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."
gellaho
And we're just letting the cat right out of the bag
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Blunt cut hair must be difficult to do. My barber always cuts with sharp stuff.
FancyShark
heyo!
Gentleman Brendan
...did they just confess?
did we get third-party omniscient?
FancyShark
I hope it turns out Sweeney and Linda are just having the filthiest sex
gellaho
Nancy's in the hallway
the explanation is that Nancy has soft-soled flats. Which makes her both invisible and makes Linda forget she just bumped into her
Master detective
Gentleman Brendan
Linda's smuggling sperm across international borders.
Derpbat
Well, that's the end of that.
FancyShark
The End
Derpbat
Good job, Nancy.
gellaho
It's just Sean being weird
Gentleman Brendan
Murdered on a plane is a special kind of killing.
Nancy licked Sean's hand the way he liked.
"Helllooooo, loverrrr," he purred with a sigh.
Ned could never understand Nancy's cannibalism fetish.
FancyShark
"Limp With Relief" was the name of my rejected ED novella
gellaho
What part of this conversation assured you Sean can be trusted?
gellaho
I bet it's when he laughed in her face, very trustworthy
FancyShark
"No, I mean I don't believe in ANY OF THIS. Not you. Not the airport. Not travel. None of it!"
Gentleman Brendan
"I'll write your book on two conditions: I can push Ned offstage and Nancy gets to be wild for every man at the airline."
"Chapter Two: At the airline run by sexy college students..."
gellaho
Back to the spreadsheets, kids!
FancyShark
There's drool marks on the manuscript
gellaho
This is a mind-bogglingly stupid code
Derpbat
That's... Interesting.
FancyShark
"Wait! I've got it! They're smuggling on planes!"
Derpbat
I'm not sure I can comment any more on this.
Gentleman Brendan
7...4...7--GDG! Goddamned Grant!
Derpbat
Obviously the 747 arriving at 747 is the smuggling one.
There's no way that would fail in some obvious fashion.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Seems like there's a lot of opportunity for miscommunication
gellaho
This is a perfect disguise. Very inconspicuous
Gentleman Brendan
The 9/11 hijackers told each other the attack would go down on "Two sticks and a stick with a cake." Sometimes code is just as dumb as it looks.
Nancy goes vamp.
Is this a horny Nancy Drew novel or am I just a one-joke drunk?
FancyShark
Emo/goth is writing a check I know this book won't cash
gellaho
Bess is uninterested in this dangerous murder case
Derpbat
Is... Is Bess insane? She's obviously dumb, but is she insane?
Gentleman Brendan
Jennifer just won the book.
The cops solved it all along.
Coffee, Tea, or MURDER should have been the title.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I had to check out for a minute what did I miss
gellaho
Nancy's dreaming big
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Ms N Nickerson. Ms
Even here, he can’t score.
Derpbat
The ghost writer definitely read this and understood part of it.
gellaho
I'll let you guess if this cliffhanger pays off
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy accused a bunch of people and run afoul of grumps but nothing's changed.
The 747 lead fell flat then IMMEDIATELY panned out
gellaho
If you guessed Nancy is conveniently sat next to someone Linda knows, congratulations
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Bess’s Mark huh.
Nancy’s friends got more interesting
gellaho
Mark is some dude Bess is "in love" with
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Oh.
I thought he was her mark
And there was some intrigue
gellaho
Little of consequence happens on the flight, so that's fun
Hmmmmmmm
gellaho
Maybe choose a different name for the children's book
Gentleman Brendan
Linda seems pretty hard to forget. She probably picks one passenger to bully every flight.
FancyShark
Enjoy the complimentary balloons at each table, counter, and underside of table
gellaho
And the disguise is off
gellaho
Nancy got the vital information that Linda was nervous
FancyShark
"There's also a camera, but I've been told it doesn't work"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That place is terrifying under a black light.
gellaho
EAT AND FLY HOME
Gentleman Brendan
The '90s really began a couple years early with the arrival of hot pink plastic and turquoise clothes.
We got like four new sports teams, all tourquoise and purple.
FancyShark
The first time a baseball cap was worn backward, the tides shifted
gellaho
Nancy's detective work is convenient eavesdropping
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Is this more dockworker airport baggage handlers?
FancyShark
This isn't right. Grant should be regretting his life choices while someone screams about their toothbrush going missing
gellaho
Time for a great plan
gellaho
Ned's going to love this
Gentleman Brendan
They're just starting a bible study group.
Gentleman Brendan
See, it's not just me.
gellaho
"This is something to tell the police! But I won't!"
FancyShark
Paul's convinced he's not a virgin anymore
Gentleman Brendan
Ned's going to ask how her trip to seattle was and get dumped.
Derpbat
GG, Paul.
Gentleman Brendan
GDG: Grant
Derpbat
Nancy, in thirty years he'll be a pick up artist.
And it's all your fault.
You gave him this unearned confidence.
FancyShark
Paul will masturbate himself blind before the next full moon
It's fine
gellaho
Just conveniently wandering into situations
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I decided to look up Ned Nickerson and he is the most “default create a character” man I have seen.
Derpbat
Flight 747, a Boeing 747, arriving at 7:47?
gellaho
Nancy, just assuming that's the smuggler's mark
gellaho
I mean, there's no other reason for those numbers to show up on a plane
Gentleman Brendan
Derpbat
When was the 747 first flown, anyway?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I get the feeling the author just learned what a jet was, and also just learned they are made in Seattle.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
1969
FancyShark
Nice
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Nice
gellaho
Just psychically verifying these are genuine
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Yeah when I was in Seattle I went to the museum where the first 747 is.
Derpbat
Gasp!
Gentleman Brendan
Who is funneling all these vases!
gellaho
Then just walks out of the plane with the crate without a problem
Derpbat
Is... Nancy secretly a bodybuilder?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
It’s going to be awkward when she learns she just intercepted a shipment for Seattle’s Asian Art Museum.
FancyShark
So this whole operation could have been foiled by a UPS driver
Derpbat
Ming vases are heavy, and having held jade figurines. That's impressive, Nancy.
gellaho
Nancy has assumed Maxell is not in on it, but Talbot is
Derpbat
I really want her to be totally wrong.
Gentleman Brendan
Oh boy, here comes the gun.
Derpbat
I need that.
FancyShark
Maxell is a name that never gets applied to a villain. She'll be-
gellaho
Oh, no. Maxell is in room 747. Because this book is dumb, that's important
DJ-100 model, Djonin
I really want this to just be stuff bound for the Asian Art Museum
FancyShark
dang
Derpbat
Yes.
Yesssssssssss.
FancyShark
Anyone with object permanence could have cracked this
gellaho
I can't believe handing all the evidence to a man I've barely talked to was bad
Gentleman Brendan
This entire case hinges on Rod being the Steve Buscemi character.
Derpbat
I don't think it matters if he does anything to Jen.
FancyShark
Confound you, Maxell!
Derpbat
But Bess is a real tragedy.
No matter how important she may be to science, however, Jess is still a plant.
And therefore is not protected by our human laws.
FancyShark
Now they have to climb up the 747 steps to the roof to stop Maxell from escaping in a helicopter hovering 747 feet off the ground
gellaho
Rather than trying to stop the plane to save Bess and Jennifer, she forces herself on the flight
Derpbat
As you do.
FancyShark
"Diplomatic immunity!"
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Nancy doesn’t really get how plane travel works.
gellaho
But first, snack
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Being a frozen 1940s woman
Derpbat
Ordinarily by now I'd say that I was being way too harsh on Jennifer and Bess.
But no.
By comparison, even after this display, Nancy's a super genius.
FancyShark
Where are they flying to? Because I refuse to accept that all the passengers went to sleep
Gentleman Brendan
Blake Maxell vs. Preston Talbot was, I need not remind you, the fencing duel to end all fencing duels at Wharton.
Derpbat
It's late at night on their way to Chicago.
A city... three hours from Seattle by plane?
Maybe four in a headwind?
Obviously they all went to sleep.
Gentleman Brendan
The Chicago Redeyes are a now defunct hockey team most notable for greatest number of deaths on ice in a single game.
Forced to go on with only 1 player, the final score of 74-7 is pro hockey's greate--GASP
gellaho
Linda gives up the ghost. And now there's a customs agent/assassin
FancyShark
I've flown in and out of Chicago enough to know that you do not enter O'Hare unconscious
gellaho
It's apparently very empty
Gentleman Brendan
I've had Malort and I disagree.
FancyShark
RICHARD DAWKINS! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!
Derpbat
This is how he funded his biology science studies!
STEALING BECAUSE WITHOUT GOD HE KNOWS NO MORALITY.
gellaho
A perfect trap
Derpbat
I'm pretty sure that whatever you're trying to escape, crashing an airliner is going to make your problems a thousand times worse.
gellaho
Because there will certainly not be an investigation into this PLANE BOMB
FancyShark
"And now, we will all watch 'Transformers 2'."
"YOU MONSTERS!"
Derpbat
In the Nancy Drew universe the only investigative authority is Nancy Drew.
When she's dead, everyone is free.
gellaho
NOT THE NEWSPAPERS! THE HUMANITY
FancyShark
"MY SUDOKU!"
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Q Anon makes more sense when you consider all those boomers grew up reading these mysteries.
gellaho
Well, crisis averted
Gentleman Brendan
97 people died so Nancy Drew could narc some art smugglers.
"Nothing to worry about folks. that was actually a deliberate nosedive because a bomb has exploded under your feet."
Derpbat
I'm sure the Communist Chinese will reward Nancy for saving their cultural heritage.
FancyShark
"By the way, if you look out the right side of the plane, you can see the people that were in the left side of the plane."
gellaho
Woo, that was close
gellaho
DJ-100 model, Djonin
“Puget Sound airport”?
Listen asshole
It’s called SeaTac and no one likes it but still
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy lives in an alternate universe though.
gellaho
Fire from a bomb? How unexpected
FancyShark
The plane fortunately only crushed a family of deer and a drunk who was planning to say he was deer hunting
Gentleman Brendan
This bomb was only planted so the story could wrap up back in Seattle were all our castmembers are.
gellaho
Just terrific
DJ-100 model, Djonin
The firemen are in on it
They just detonated the evidence
FancyShark
"Too much paperwork! Light this sumbitch up!"
Derpbat
And now there's no proof that anything happened except the word of Nancy Drew.
gellaho
That's good, I would have hated seeing the criminal apprehended
FancyShark
The police?! Who called them? Nancy's got this under control.
Derpbat
Wait, wait, wait.
FancyShark
oh wait, sean did
Derpbat
Seattle has police?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
“Damn it Nancy we called you in so we didn’t have to talk to SPD”
gellaho
"It's just that simple, kids. Try it yourselves!"
Derpbat
I'm pretty sure the evidence suggests Seattle doesn't have police.
In the 1980s, was it that easy?
DJ-100 model, Djonin
WTO was going to happen in ten years.
Derpbat
I feel like that's plausible.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I don't think they started scanning checked baggage until after 9/11
gellaho
Sure, wiretapping. Why not
FancyShark
Linda whipped a rock through an airport window? Lady's got an arm on her
Derpbat
I'm just disappointed they put a bomb on the plane and didn't try to reroute to Cuba.
The movies lied to me.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Thought that was the 70s
Derpbat
Maybe?
Gentleman Brendan
They did because of Lockerbie.
Derpbat
My only actual point of reference is a Monty Python sketch.
FancyShark
Detective Haggarty is getting too cliche for this shit
gellaho
Gotta wrap up the Horny Paul storyline
Derpbat
No, Nancy. DON'T LET HIM DOWN.
YOU HAVE MURDERED AT LEAST THREE WOMEN.
THEIR BLOOD IS ON YOUR HANDS
gellaho
Smooth
FancyShark
Nancy, just tell Paul his kiss made you gay
Gentleman Brendan
Must have infuriated Maxell to know how many dirty phonecalls Talbot was making on the company dime and B-Max couldn't do a thing about it without revealing his scheme.
Derpbat
Ordinarily, I would tell her that Paul is a step up from Ned.
But I'm pretty sure Ned has had more than one kiss before.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Ehhh
Yea
Derpbat
And also isn't a murderer.
Paul is definitely now a murderer.
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy's going to have to dodge this guy she kissed who lives 3000 miles away.
Derpbat
She gets to fly away, but all the women who reject him now?
They have to deal with him forever.
gellaho
Then Nancy just leaves after telling that to Paul
gellaho
Derpbat
See?
...man, now I'm starting to think Paul's inevitable rampage is kind of justified.
I didn't expect her to pull that.
Gentleman Brendan
I can't imagine how crushing it must be to be too dumb to be Nancy Drew's boyfriend.
gellaho
The End
Derpbat
Well, that was madness.
FancyShark
We did it!
Great job everyone!
Derpbat
Gellaho, as always you are are the bravest of us all.
FancyShark
Thanks again, @gellaho !
gellaho
This cover is just disintegrating
Derpbat
Honestly, I was kind of joking about Paul becoming a pick-up-artist or murderer.
Gentleman Brendan
Ned on her front porch like a dog you forgot to let in before you left the house.
FancyShark
Disintegrating like Paul's grip on reality
Derpbat
It's nice to know they went with that.
Gentleman Brendan
Thank you for brightening our lives, Gellaho.
Derpbat
The broom's straw fell out.
And he realized it wasn't hair.
Gentleman Brendan
These strawberry-blonde brooms are all alike.
gellaho
That concludes this edition of The Book Cage for the Ladies
Gentleman Brendan
Ladies! What did you think of this?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Thanks again, Gellaho.
DJ-100 model, Djonin
Huh. I didn’t think Ned touched her
Derpbat
She's not talking about Ned.
She's talking about her pet cocker spaniel.
gellaho
There was a lot of kissing in the comedy club mystery
