gellaho
"He's a strong boy, he can fight poseidon's seas!"
31: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #35: The Dead Season Franklin W. Dixon
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Ghosts are always unwelcome guests.
Archive
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
No one would blame you, Frank.
Gentleman Brendan
Now we know why so many people disappear.
gellaho
SLENDER
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Also respect the sergeant's lack of concern for Joe.
FancyShark
"Sure, white boy. We'll get right on that."
gellaho
They're all so... young and slender
FancyShark
sssssllllllender
It even feels naughty
gellaho
"That's not a problem is it?"
Gentleman Brendan
Your brother is probably fine. Even if dead, certainly no dumber.
FancyShark
"In fact, we should have been annihilated by water years ago"
Gentleman Brendan
Picture Joe up to his chest, throwing haymakers at the sea.
FancyShark
"Marco Polo this"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Taking log after log of driftwood straight to the skull.
gellaho
For hours
gellaho
Also, this editor is really asleep at the wheel
Gentleman Brendan
The book undermines the ghost thing on page 20
gellaho
How are the tunnels not flooded?
FancyShark
"It was getting sexy, but neither would admit it"
FancyShark
Uh...snakes!
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is the Dean Winchester of this series
FancyShark
holy shit, yes
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
There's a locked room in the hotel that occasionally sounds like sump pumps but no one has bothered to open the door or thinks very much about it.
Gentleman Brendan
My family has run this hotel five generations, but we never go into Basement C
gellaho
Joe turning on his bat superpowers
John
They're too busy draining the boathouse every day to check the whole building.
FancyShark
We saw a possum down there the one time we looked. We ain't messing with that.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Joe’s used to “draining the boathouse” in the dark too
FancyShark
"Wiley was a smart man. He was almost...something. Joe couldn't think of the word."
gellaho
"Joe knew he could take an injured man"
FancyShark
Killer? This guy as flubbed every opportunity to murder you
Oh wait. The shot guy
gellaho
yeah, that guy
The random construction man
John
Joe, colossal idiot, falls for another trap.
gellaho
How d'ya guess
FancyShark
hahahaha
John
You all owe me $5
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
I’ve had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking island
FancyShark
The snake can't believe that trap worked.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Oh shit wait
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"I can't believe he fell for that!" Said the ghost.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The Adders are Multiplying
Give me your boos cowards!
FancyShark
Don't be so Divisive
gellaho
MEANWHILE: Frank breaks into a man's hotel room
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
All tattoos are prison tattoos
FancyShark
I regret nothing!
gellaho
And Frank's well-known knowledge of prison trends pays off
FancyShark
Cons: They Scare People For Money
Gentleman Brendan
Not in the '80s.
John
Frank's like someone who listens to too many true crime podcasts. Buddy, this is more than just an idle hobby.
FancyShark
wait, shit, that actually is something people do
gellaho
I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be contemporary with 1990
Gentleman Brendan
So the ghost got killed by a snake and people blamed Joe?
gellaho
How old is this "old-time bootlegger"
Gentleman Brendan
His cellmate was Red from Shawshank.
They were lovers.
gellaho
Joe sneaks past a snake
FancyShark
The snake has the advantage in brain size
Gentleman Brendan
The snake can see in UV, Joe.
FancyShark
It's just amused at your fumbling
gellaho
Gasp
FancyShark
Joe immediately tackled her and began pummeling
gellaho
Oh, ok
Gentleman Brendan
It could absolutely be Heather and she is also the gunman
"Joe punched Heather's bra off as they embraced."
FancyShark
Christ, commit to something, Dixon!
gellaho
I don't know, this seems like Joe's natural state
FancyShark
The ocean is waiting to ambush him in his room
"Round 2, asshole!"
Gentleman Brendan
Confused is redundant
gellaho
"Your American Detective novels. Certainly the nation best known for mysteries."
gellaho
"As we know, the most well known fictional detective is American"
FancyShark
"Is that right? I ask because I don't know all of your cliches."
Gentleman Brendan
Sherlock Marlowe.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Stop trying to be meta, Dixon.
gellaho
Joe decides to go see Heather. And then
gellaho
the most improbable thing
FancyShark
Again, the ghost can only laugh at the idea the trap worked
Gentleman Brendan
someone counted on Joe leaving via window vine
FancyShark
I want this author to go totally left field and have the culprit be an angry squirrel in the tree
gellaho
Good ol' drain clamps
FancyShark
What floor was he on? The twelfth?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Not spooky enough. The 13th!
OoOoOoO
gellaho
It's obviously 500 ft up
FancyShark
Yes, Joe. They "sabotaged" the growth on the side of their hotel
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Lol
“Oh no deadly trap”
He easily avoided it
gellaho
Careful, ghostwriter
Gentleman Brendan
The door was opened by heather.
FancyShark
A+ grammar. No notes.
Gentleman Brendan
If you ever get confused about why passive speech sucks 90% of the time.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Passive ghostwriter
Passively writing about ghosts
Wait is the twist going to be that an actual ghost wrote this
gellaho
Such a long story, we aren't going to include it
FancyShark
"Dice game. The End."
gellaho
How does this qualify as a long story
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
It took a long time for him to die in prison
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oh, was he Tattoo Guy's cellmate?
FancyShark
She explained every form they filed.
gellaho
I don't think the government can revoke your license because of "appearances"
Gentleman Brendan
Wait so Jamison bonked the bookkeeping and then kept the property?
gellaho
He died in prison, so I don't think so
The government took it
FancyShark
The perfect crime!
Gentleman Brendan
I'm no Barbadian lawyer, but revocation of license seems like it should be tied to owner culpability.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“You can’t take my license”
“Yes we can”
“No”
“Ok two days from now”
Gentleman Brendan
If you serve an underage teen and he kills someone, okay. If some drunk gets stabby, that's just life in Queens, man.
God, I miss living in Queens.
gellaho
Listen, there was a murder here so we are revoking your license due to "bad vibes"
Gentleman Brendan
The best food, the cheapest happy hours.
Joe: "You're going to do HARD TIME. ISLAND HARD TIME."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
This made me spit out my water
gellaho
Joe really is the best at spotting shiny objects
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“ISLAND HARD TIME MON” air horns blasting
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
In my experience, when someone gets murdered at a bar, it just closes because people are scared to go there anymore.
gellaho
Joe also enjoys jangling keys and peek-a-boo
FancyShark
Oh shit. Big Lenny's the killer. Because they did it
For the Gaines
gellaho
Suddenly, drive-by
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“I FINALLY CLEANED MY GUN, FUCKOS!!!”
Gentleman Brendan
I'm upset this wasn't from a boat
gellaho
This is maybe the worst description I've ever seen
gellaho
What do you mean "slid past?"
rock-like, you know, like glass
Gentleman Brendan
So was he grazed or not?
FancyShark
Bullet just kinda skootched past his face
Gentleman Brendan
Bullet time, in prose.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That's a weird thing for a bullet to do
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“Ope, just gonna squeeze by here”
FancyShark
"Oh golly there, pal. Don't mind me."
gellaho
He's fine
FancyShark
Also, that's the exact thing windshields aren't supposed to do
Gentleman Brendan
shatter into blocks? Safety glass.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Big ocular pat down vibes from Frank here
gellaho
Actually Frank, no
No you can't
FancyShark
It's a big seller on Amazon
Gentleman Brendan
Goddamn, Barbados is on some 007 shit.
I defy the assertion there are Radio Shacks in Barbados.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Are we sure the ghost man just isn’t driving around in an invisible Aston Martin?
gellaho
Gaines has left the hotel
FancyShark
"Also, people are getting murdered there."
gellaho
The fuck is this shit
Gentleman Brendan
Gaines is my favorite character, greasy blonde locks and all.
FancyShark
Dude's got style, and he's completely chill about his crush being a ghost
gellaho
The owners of the hotel decide to have a "losing our license" party
gellaho
It ends as well as expected
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
THE INSURANCE MONEY
FancyShark
"Why? Why couldn't it happen during one of our many, many floods?"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
That inspector is confused how every time she gives a place 2 days before she revokes their license, the place always burns down.
gellaho
During the fire fighting, the ghost decides to flamboyantly run away
FancyShark
Dipshit didn't even aim at Joe
gellaho
he literally just announced himself
nobody thought he was there
FancyShark
Diversion!
dr
Yeah, for anyone with half a brain that’s either a distraction or a trap
gellaho
Joe and Logan chase after the ghost to the boathouse. During a storm. Again.
FancyShark
Look, the seventh or eighth try has to produce different results, okay?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Wow Logan is whiny as shit
gellaho
JEWELS
FancyShark
He was not in the top bunk in prison
FancyShark
"You mean the jewels very obviously worn by Allistair?"
gellaho
A job? MY ONLY HOPE WAS PLAY PIANO TO LURE OUT A GHOST FOR ITS JEWELS!
FancyShark
Some hearts can't be tamed, Logan
gellaho
RIP
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Stomps feet and pouts “Why does WILEY always get to stay up late!?”
Gentleman Brendan
the penitentiary had a piano and also a LOT of garroting
The sea is coming for Joe, as it comes for all rock.
FancyShark
"Let us finish this dance, Joe Hardy"
gellaho
I wonder if this place had been visited in 60 years
gellaho
Also, get fucked Logan
Joe found it on accident
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
EAT SHIT, YOU FUCK
Gentleman Brendan
Joe has TWICE tripped railing levers.
FancyShark
Wiley's love for the Showcase Showdown reveal would lead to a man's demise
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I'd like to know how they decided to make the secret lever the thing that is designed for people to lean on.
dr
I wish there was a paragraph where he weighs getting help for the man currently drowning against checking out this suspicious room
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Eh that guy was a whiny lil bitch, fuck em
There’s treasure to be found
Gentleman Brendan
The 1920s rum runners needed a LITTLE excitement of exposure.
So is Heather avenging her grandma or what?
FancyShark
I think she's protecting Gaines from the mob
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
She’s too busy being both sultry and barely legal
gellaho
Wait, how long has it been?
gellaho
I wish he'd be more clear on how many years it's been
FancyShark
Frank was here yesterday
gellaho
The great match crisis
dr
If I’m chasing a man that mysteriously vanishes and then I find a secret door, I’m not assuming that place is empty.
gellaho
This is like the fourth different hidden tunnel system
Barbados is apparently hollow
FancyShark
At least the cavern kept the torch in working condition
gellaho
Who could care
FancyShark
That's not a double entendre! Sink it!
gellaho
BUT HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN!?
FancyShark
There's no way that boat isn't teeming with spiders
Gentleman Brendan
Reminder that this book occurs less than half as far back as the contents of this book occur from the publication of this book.
dr
Head out to sea! Maritime law has no way to charge you for the negligent death of the man probably still drowning
Gentleman Brendan
Joe became a pirate. An angry pirate.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Not if you can make it to international waters fast enough.
FancyShark
"Joe?! <gasp> J-joe! <gurgle>"
gellaho
Spoooooooky skeleton
gellaho
FancyShark
"You're not a woman, are you? I hate those."
gellaho
So Joe sees a jewel Millicent used to have. Therefore, it's Wiley
gellaho
Wut
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Spooky, slender skeleton.
Gentleman Brendan
Joe eyeballed the pelvic tilt balefully.
FancyShark
"So, Wiley. I've caught you at last."
gellaho
Guns are hard
FancyShark
"Dammit! I even cleaned it beforehand!"
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is the Teflon Moron.
gellaho
I don't really understand what is going on
gellaho
It's like fucking video game logic
in and out of secret tunnels
Gentleman Brendan
How deep does Barbados go?
dr
“HEY GUNMAN if you’re quick you can probably still put a round or two into Logan before he dies”
gellaho
And they all end up at the hotel
gellaho
This hotel can't have any foundation
it has to be floating on air
FancyShark
They have to distribute guests to different rooms by weight
gellaho
Checks out
Gentleman Brendan
Hear me out.
The tunnels are waxed leather. The hotel floats.
The ghost is pretending to be a ghost to the man who shattered his bridgework on a dresser
FancyShark
Hey, Ghost? You can shoot them. Really. They're not moving.
gellaho
It's gotta be embarrassing to be smaller than a 17 year old
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
But first, let me tell you my secret plan!
gellaho
I would never know
Gentleman Brendan
Not if you're Heather.
FancyShark
<gasp> DWARF?!
Gentleman Brendan
I know it's Heather because Joe can't ever find lasting love.
FancyShark
Dammit. That makes more sense
gellaho
Gasp
Gentleman Brendan
WHAAAAAAT
gellaho
You fool, it is a tiny man with Heather
Gentleman Brendan
she was in on it but NOT the ghost
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
🎵Hold me closer tiny Heather🎵
FancyShark
Don't play with my heart, Dixon! IS HE AN EVIL DWARF
gellaho
so the gunman and heather run away
FancyShark
Damn you, Dixoooooooon!
gellaho
I don't know what's going on
FancyShark
Oh hey, it's the construction guy. Brendan called it both ways
gellaho
There's another skeleton?
Am I reading this right?
But the gunman's not a skeleton, so I don't understand why it says "another skeleton"
FancyShark
I think the other skeleton is the gunman's ancestor? Or Millicent
gellaho
Oh, that's old man Jamison's skeleton
gellaho
That's also there. For some reason
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Lots of beating people with guns
FancyShark
DID HE CLEAN THE GUN?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
And then everyone has the aim of a stormtrooper
dr
It’s one of those novelty guns with the BANG flag
gellaho
More bullet grazing
FancyShark
Bullets were expensive back in the...90s?
God, he's a terrible shot
Remember, that was point blank
Gentleman Brendan
Contractors are used to wasting materials to upcharge.
gellaho
This makes no sense
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
“That quote was 😎 before labor and fees”
gellaho
And what was Logan up to? Our ghostwriter gives us a shrug
Gentleman Brendan
O&P x 1.6%
FancyShark
Yes, Callie. Very sad. Also stupid.
gellaho
Sure, whatever
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The whiskey guy?
gellaho
This is piss-poor
FancyShark
Ballsy
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Oh right, there was another woman.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
So they don’t actually know anything, as usual, and have resorted to blind guesses
I need a drink
FancyShark
Evidence is for squares
gellaho
Wait, this goes back sixty years? Why didn't you mention that?
FancyShark
Dixon's lost control. He's just throwing words at the wall.
gellaho
The rec center is saved!
FancyShark
Back up. The rubies are now diamonds?
gellaho
There were also diamonds
Don't worry about it
Gentleman Brendan
We're upholding the hotel license loss in light of all this?
gellaho
No time to think about that, it's on to the next case
