138: Night Terrors Nicole Davidson

A Brendan for Christmas

I don't even get treated by anything less than an 8.

gellaho

Did a five year old write this?

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Large Boy would never betray our trust

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

A five year old would have included Freddy Kruger and made it more fun.

FancyShark

Next we'll work on spelling!

A Brendan for Christmas

Oh cool, it's my block.

FancyShark

She's describing New York. Chicago has more of a fishy smell because of all the dead things in Lake Michigan

gellaho

You know, the letter I stole from the Alzheimer's patient to her daughter?

A Brendan for Christmas

I hate the smell of dirty pavement.

gellaho

Indeed, Nicole. It doesn't make sense

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I feel like her being murdered is too exciting for one of Nicoles books.

FancyShark

Dying in your sleep can only mean murder when you're 90 and in a hospital

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

ESPECIALLY in Hitler General Hospital.

FancyShark

And dementia patients are inherently trusting of everyone all the time

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Highest standard of medical care provided by Dr. Hitler, MD.

gellaho

No, shit? The volunteer 18 year old can't get access to people's medical records?

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

But he's Large

How can he not reach

FancyShark

oh, you just noticed olds die more often?

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"Higher than normal" means what, Chord?

FancyShark

This man will go far

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

People die?!

gellaho

Next you'll be telling me he shouldn't be diagnosing people or taking injures minors from their guardians

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

What the fuck, Nicole

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I'm beginning to think this large young man doesnt really fit the work culture of Hitler General Hospital.

gellaho

All this talk of dead old people was soooo romantic

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Oops posted too soon

What the fuck, Nicole

FancyShark

Why does every Nicole protagonist get horny for the stupidest reasons

I know teens aren't bright, but this pattern is starting to veer towards vendetta

gellaho

Yes, that's the strange part. Not the assault itself

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Perhaps......and this is a stretch, I know...........Perhaps Nicole is a stupid?

FancyShark

She's nodding slowly because she has brain damage. She should go to a hospital.

gellaho

Real fucking brain trust here

FancyShark

If you don't know why someone would murder a person in a hospital, you have never been to a hospital

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

1) its easier

2) insurance money

3) fuckin old people.

FancyShark

4) Pudding cups

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

5) frees up bed space.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

6) funsies

gellaho

You can tell Nicole/Kathryn really respects her audience from how she repeats this concept three times

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I feel like thats fucking stupid to even bring up, Nicole.

And youre writing "Nightmare on Elm Street But Nothing Scary Happens."

FancyShark

In the time it takes Nicole to explain a concept, Kevorkian could have cleaned out the entire ward

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

It's kind of impressive that Nicole can be this stupid and also write

A Brendan for Christmas

OBAMACARE DID THIS

It's too costly to give NeeNaw a dignified end.

gellaho

Kathryn laying on the stolen baby foreshadowing

FancyShark

She's immediately flattened by one of Chicago's many wonderful buses

gellaho

Kathryn still hasn't revealed that Maggie was stolen as a baby, sure we still have many, many pages to go before that

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Its almost like going to a city isnt that big of a deal and MOST people dont just crouch on the sidewalk and cover their heads in panic.

gellaho

And if this is stolen baby foreshadowing, she's implying that you inherent being comfortable in the big city simply by birth. Like the city itself psychically grants you that

FancyShark

She is a child of the city

Don't ask about the birth. It was gross and at Wrigley Field

gellaho

Go to McDonald's kids, it's the coolest

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

This is a long way to go to make your main character a stolen baby, you can avoid this by just making them Ric Flair.

FancyShark

That's a Hard Rock Cafe, Nicole

gellaho

Minijukeboxes

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Im pretty sure McDonalds gets MAD at you for messing up the brand if you do this.

FancyShark

I hope they go to the restaurant that's 1950's themed where the waitstaff all openly mock the customers

gellaho

Stop running, moron

A Brendan for Christmas

Why does Chicago's urine pavement remind me so of a beautiful woman...staring down at me...I feel this woman's name is...Ma-Ma?

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Theres one in southern Missouri that pelts customers with rolls.

A Brendan for Christmas

Anyway, SCHNARF MCMUFFIN

FancyShark

No, keep running. Force your lungs to expand and twist your shattered ribs into an Escher painting

Then you might get a free Happy Meal

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Honey you broke your collarbone and youre running around with boys? You are fully a Nicole Davidson character.

gellaho

Oh, no! Not the letter from the senile old lady that didn't say anything of consequence!

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Oh no! The letter she stole!

Someone stole it!

gellaho

Nothing will ever quite live up to the female protagonist of crash course who got brained by a rock 50 times which somehow made her think more clearly

FancyShark

Someone stole a thing from a bed she wasn't using in a place where they routinely clean out rooms and rotate linens!

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

And routinely have people coming and going for like........medical shit.

A Brendan for Christmas

Thoughts work like evolution.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Theres no way a passing nurse noticed the letter and thought "Huh, this shouldnt be here." and like mailed it or kept it for that ladys next of kin.

gellaho

These feelings have nothing to do with only getting two hours of sleep a night for the past decade, I'm sure

FancyShark

That power is called an internet connection

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

All this to find this dipshit girl is adopted.

gellaho

Oh, no. Nicole made sure we knew they were all dead

gellaho

"Adopted"

A Brendan for Christmas

Something wicked this way OH MY GOD MCDONALD's PULL OVER

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Being stolen is a form of adoption! Its the foundation of the American adoption system!

gellaho

Oh, you wore dresses and had a favorite color as a little girl? So mysterious

gellaho

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I also ate graham crackers and drank milk!

gellaho

"Somehow I knew I'd liked the color blue," what the fuck is that

FancyShark

Nicole, there are pop-up books more subtle than this

gellaho

It's not a fucking mystery, you idiot

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

And every little girl I remember being the type to wear frilly dresses when everyone else was wearing jeans was a real pain in the ass.

The kind of child who watches Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, sees Verruca Salt and goes "Yes this is my personality now."

gellaho

There's no evidence it was a murder. You only spoke to this old lady once, and then you stole her mail

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Honestly having stolen her mail makes you a prime suspect in a potential murder.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Nicole really wants to have written Down a Dark Hall in 1974

gellaho

Jesus Christ, these fucking Nicole Davidson teens

gellaho

gellaho

God, do I hate them

She had no idea you even existed

FancyShark

SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE SOMEONE ELSE

gellaho

She gets distracted by a nearby shiny object

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Medical waste? In a HOSPITAL?!

FancyShark

She injects it. To investigate.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Crack it open and taste the inside.

gellaho

Hahaha

gellaho

You nailed it again, Kathryn

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Oh honey........yes, if she was getting antibiotics she would have to continue getting them for a while.

FancyShark

And sadly, it's hard to get dementia patients to take medication orally if they don't want to

gellaho

Here comes Dr Hulk

gellaho

Just shove that needle wherever

FancyShark

hahaha

Her shirt is gonna get fucked up

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

"RAGE" he screamed

If he's the murderer I'm going to be so mad

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"Do you realize how much of a problem you caused already? Also youre not supposed to be in here, contaminating this room."

gellaho

Doctors always shaking around injured teens

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Just a large man rampaging through the book screaming "I murder!"

FancyShark

Yep. Drag the girl with a broken collarbone by the shirt. Great call

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Hes got a point, if shes running around she could be checked out and go home.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

She's part of a sleep study

That's why

He should know this

I'm pretty sure he's had this conversation before

gellaho

Yes, I'm sure the people visiting someone at the hospital really care about you, Maggie

FancyShark

They're also near a room where an Alzheimer's patient was. Does he see every patient wandering around and think "Ambulatory. Get out."?

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Yes but all caps

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"I could feel them, judging me. Was I adopted?"

"Or was it just a trick of my sleep deprived brain turning into madness jelly?"

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

"Were they my parents? Did they like Big Macs? Did they kill grandma?"

gellaho

This is some of the most bizarre attempts at writing human behavior I've seen

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Yeah that IS the worst possible thing.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Are there still visiting family members in the elevator

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Like at the very least if your right, youve just made yourself a prime "Murder me now. " witness.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

In the stopped elevator

FancyShark

The stuffed giraffe is concealing a microphone

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Just standing around going "fuck, there's murder here? We just brought little Timmy to get his tonsils removed."

gellaho

I'd love to know what the best location for a 16 year old to accuse someone of murder

gellaho

They left

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Aw

gellaho

She decided to wait for whatever reason

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Damn it Nicole that could have been fun

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Also its incredibly common for dementia patients to claim their doctor is trying to murder them.

A Brendan for Christmas

I know nothing about this book except that this protagonist is a snob.

gellaho

I feel your pain, Dr Hulk

FancyShark

I think that means you're caught up

gellaho

Snobs often think McDonald's are the coolest

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

"Why would I have evidence, you're being unreasonable!"

FancyShark

Of all the times for Grimace to not be violent

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Just proves what ive been saying all along and Grimace is a fascist agitator trying to overthrow Mayor McCheese's democratically elected government.

gellaho

A vibes only investigation. It's the Kathryn way

gellaho

This guy didn't do it, he sounds kinda tired

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

No one has ever done murder and been sleepy, that's ridiculous

Need a solid 8 hours before you can murder

FancyShark

It's in the bible

gellaho

Then he takes the 16 year old to the cafeteria because I guess they're friends now?

FancyShark

It's true. I befriended each of you by starting with a murder accusation.

12" Rachel Silk

Yeah but I did kill that guy

Rip rokku

FancyShark

Yeah. Stopped clocks. It's still a good ice breaker!

Also, hi, @12" Rachel Silk !

gellaho

These old people are dying in the hospital, suspicious

gellaho

FancyShark

Doctors get a sense (series of diagnostics and tests) about how long someone will live

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"Because you are a teen and carry diseases and the last thing I need is a flu outbreak in Geriatrics."

gellaho

"WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE ANYTHING, DAMMIT!" yells the injured 16 year old with a sleepwalking disorder

gellaho

Because now she's a grizzled detective being taken off the case, I guess

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"Ive seen you picking your ass when you think no one is looking and I know you dont wash your hands after taking a trip to Brown Town."

FancyShark

Or it's because they're old and most people need to be told you're suspicious of foul play before they agree to you carving up a corpse

Learned that the hard way

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Or they are glad the old bat is dead and just want to start the insurance and estate paperwork with no extra hassle and wait.

gellaho

"People tell me to shut the fuck up all the time!"

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Well yeah kid, you're kind of mentally ill.

Like literally kid, hallucinations are a symptom of sleep deprivation.

gellaho

His abrupt mood swings tell me he really cares

gellaho

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

He's a loose cannon, I'm excited for when he gets results

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Turn in your Teen Cool Squad badge and regular gun.

FancyShark

The best part is Geringer is a pediatrician

gellaho

Because I, a child, can definitely figure out what this syringe is

FancyShark

Also, free syringe

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

It's a needle. Solved the mystery for you

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Shes just going to fall back on the old "Fuck it, ima do heroin." strategy

gellaho

Or the high school volunteer

gellaho

I'm sure he's got this

FancyShark

I'm sure Bill isn't a murderer. It's not like Nicole would use that twist in every book

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Yeah he is also not a prime suspect in murder, teen hospital volunteers never steal valuables from dementia patients.

A Brendan for Christmas

I like Nicole more than a lot of our authors.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Oh absolutely.

gellaho

And what did Bill do to earn this trust? Other than be tall, smile at you, and taje you to McDonald's

gellaho

That's weird. I hate her the most

FancyShark

He's in the ceiling

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I mostly just want to chuckle at how such a silly moo could write multiple books, she doesnt make me regret being literate most of the time.

This girl would be so easy to kidnap and sell.

FancyShark

Nicole's books are some of the most frustrating, but she doesn't reveal much darkness in her soul. Just vacant space.

A Brendan for Christmas

Exactly. She's never showing her own predilections.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

You could have her on a plane to Saudi Arabia before her Happy Meal got cold.

Shed be scrubbing floors in Mohammed Bin Salmans palace for days before she figured out shed been hoodwinked.

gellaho

She writes the most annoying and dumbest characters I ever did see

FancyShark

Like, Scarrow is a worse person than Nicole, no contest. But his stuff is less frustrating because it gives something to react to beyond "I bet you can't guess what's in this box shaped and weighed exactly like a football"

gellaho

Plus, I don't know if I really believe most of these books are "revealing" much about the authors, given they are typically extremely low effort

A Brendan for Christmas

Scarrow does that in longer form.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Personally the consistent framing of these books as being like horror thrillers and then never even getting close is hilarious.

gellaho

If I did, I'd have to point out Crash Course had a mystical, exotically beautiful native American girl and a black football player who's only personality was roid rage

FancyShark

Fair point

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Oh yeah Nicole has the racism of a 90s liberal white lady who believes racism is for the Southern poors, she just has concerns about crime statistics.

gellaho

And now, a message about drunk driving

FancyShark

I will still take Nicole over Biking Through Time and Space

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

He is Large Boy, he is trust

FancyShark

Tandora, you've been in the hospital for three months. Get over it.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Yayyyyyyyy brief stop in DARE town!

A Brendan for Christmas

You object to the protagonist's Asian Sidekick even though she is plainly described as "beautiful with piercing, green almond-shaped eyes??"

Balderdash.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Nicole, no one calls them "auto accident"s anymore and they haven't since the 40s

gellaho

Well, yeah, the bad comedy is always the worst

A Brendan for Christmas

Wait, am I misremembering this? Did she write the Caribbean Best Friend with an abusive guy?

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

That said I desperately want more Biking Through Time And Space

A Brendan for Christmas

God, that book was a wankjob.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I think the one ive found most painful was Headcrash.

FancyShark

I am morbidly curious how many ways it can still be terrible

FancyShark

That's def in the bottom three or so

Along with the one where the alien talks in movie quotes

A Brendan for Christmas

You can reset your Hot Dog BIOS with a Traxx viewing

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Anyways I'm glad we had this PSA

A Brendan for Christmas

How dare you make me remember this.

gellaho

"The guy in the lab will just accept anything from a high schooler, no questions asked"

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Yeah fuck yall I drank that away

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Ill take Nicole and her Mormon style teen thrillers implying children are being picked off by bigfoot demons or whatever and its just one murder suicide anytime

FancyShark

The chemical analysis is going to say you shouldn't have kept that needle in your shirt pocket

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"theres traces of lint and chapstick on it........."

gellaho

Kathryn's writing technique has turned into just random psychic visions now

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

"Hello, hospital volunteer! Would you like me to analyze the needle your brought in! Sure! Right after I finish checking the blood samples the Candy Stripers left this morning, and this DNA test the janitor smeared on my microscope."

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Also im not 100% sure a hospital has the equipment to do forensic shit to needles?

A Brendan for Christmas

Kids today don't investigate the murder of their elder betters like we used to.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Kathryn is trying to write Dead Zone but doesnt want to get teens into cocaine like Stephen King did.

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

"I'm analyzing the chemicals by sniffing them, son!"

gellaho

Christ alive, girl, keep it in your pants

Dyosy

Man, it sure is a good thing that lab isn't understaffed and overburdened with work.

FancyShark

Hi, @Dyosy !

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

I hope he pulls a knife

A Brendan for Christmas

I once wrote a conspiracy comic where this neutered superhero got so frustrated she managed enough power to singe a styrofoam cup in her hands. The artist tried to change it to the reporter she was talking to taking the cup back to the newspaper to run it through their fingerprint database, and I gotta tell ya...I'm an enthusiastic collaborator but I found my territorial streak that day.

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Jesus Maggie is a real future poster child for 90s teen pregnancy ads.

gellaho

Not the pretty bath powder!

A Brendan for Christmas

Winona High! We have spirit, yes we do! Goooooo Beavers!!!

FancyShark

"I'm leaving. Here's a present. Use it to scrub the filth from your wretched body."

gellaho

No idea why she has the pretty bath powder in the hospital in the first place

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

For comfort, to remind herself that Elly didnt mean it when she called her a slut behind her back in third grade that time.

gellaho

Maggie should look into bipolar disorder while she's here

FancyShark

Balloon bouquet. Bill has the game of a second grader

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

This is a bad murderer

Dyosy

And it's working

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Just one of the roaming mental patients, possibly also old, that scurry around most hospitals, nothing suspicious here.

gellaho

Good she's trusted Bill, he's clearly on the ball

gellaho

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Bill can't read

FancyShark

She turns it over.

"ONE WeEK OnLY! FurNITURe BLOWouT SALE!"

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Maggie has a weird radar for threats huh? Like i dunno but that sounds more like a warning than "Leave or I will cut your throat with a scalpel and fuck your neck stump."

FancyShark

Still not topping "This could have been a bomb"

gellaho

Yes, the head bashing was a clever plan

FancyShark

Smashing someone in the head is a great way to scare them

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I mean to be fair, im reading this and I think youre making it up.

gellaho

Once again, an investigation based only on feelings

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

I agree Maggie is faking it and should be ignored

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Making it up in that I think this book is the spasms of your dying brain after you fell and broke your skull on the tiles.

gellaho

Why is there an investigation at all? Great question for Kathryn

FancyShark

See, if you make your investigators only operate on feels, you don't have to explain how anything is connected

gellaho

I hate you so much, Maggie

Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time

Gellaho might be the murderer

FancyShark

He will be if he ever makes it into one of these stories

They'll find corpses with a bloody "DOVE" scrawled on the wall nearby

gellaho

FancyShark

This answers a lot of questions

Mostly one

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

I bet Kathryn is REAL into AI.

gellaho

So... did they kiss or just get weirdly close

FancyShark

Her collarbone is doing great, btw

gellaho

Oh, no. That would ruin her writing coaching/editing business

Do you want to spend $375 for Kathryn to read your book?

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

Hey uh......Bill.......Billbert.....Bilbo.....You probably shouldnt be snogging the patients, it probably violates some kind of rule.

gellaho

Dr Berman too busy watching the teens maybe-kiss to notice the destroyed room

Verified Pervert FlippantSausage

"No one heard anything?", how would they know? Theyve been busy doing kisses.

gellaho

Ahuh, Maggie, sure