gellaho
You know how Candy Stripers make money off dead people
138: Night Terrors Nicole Davidson
Tags:
No safety in sweet slumber...
Archive
gellaho
FancyShark
She got that mercylust
gellaho
The perfect crime
FancyShark
You needed your grandmother to tell you that?
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Valerie might be 12
FancyShark
Valerie, you're why we have an opioid epidemic
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Valerie has more than once been hospitalized for not drinking water.
gellaho
Valerie loves talking
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
This book was written before insurance was invented
gellaho
Just keep monologuing on and on and on
Dyosy
I mean, it's not like Maggie was gonna figure it out.
FancyShark
You lost all sympathy at hearing people condone a suffering person dying peacefully?
Val, you're an idiot
gellaho
"And elimination business" that's what they call it
A Brendan for Christmas
Valerie really leapt from excusable mistake to full-on record-me confession.
But then she also flew from euthanasia to sneering at the families of the people she graverobbed.
FancyShark
She's the template for every GTA rampage
gellaho
And they all accepted this and none of them turned you in? That's some luck
FancyShark
HOW DO YOU MAKE MONEY AT THIS
Dyosy
Doesn't this imply that there are several people aware of this exact plot? Is the implication that everyone paid up?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Well once you poison one old person with drugs you might as well keep going. They can only give you the death penalty one time.
gellaho
She was also apparently able to walk into these people's rooms and inject them without them making noise or anyone catching her
A Brendan for Christmas
The police would be helpless to link these crimes to whoever was on duty for each one of these phone calls.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
The families pay them
gellaho
In spite of her job just being passing out books
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
She's basically Kathryn's John Wick
A Brendan for Christmas
Less if your relatives don't agree to anonymous murder solicitation.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Books don't make noise
A Brendan for Christmas
I've often heard it said that many activist judges were stymied in their death penalties by families saying the Sovereign Oath.
gellaho
They just leave those sitting around
gellaho
Just syringes full of sedatives laying everywhere
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Sure it's not like it has a shelf life once the vial has been punctured
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Okay so I know this is complicated Maggie but I think you should try not to let her stab you with that.
gellaho
That's not what "snitching" means
FancyShark
This must be a Yakuza hospital. No one is going to leave syringes filled with random liquids just lying around in a normal one
gellaho
Snatching? Did you mean "snatching" Kathryn?
How much do you charge for editing again
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Valerie you are attempting to STAB A TEEN with a hypodermic needle in a construction site, you are not pretty careful.
gellaho
FancyShark
We could buy a grave for less than that
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
brb going spray paint shopping
gellaho
I wonder how the sleep deprived and injured 16 year old will do in this fight
FancyShark
Now she falls asleep and becomes a crazy good fighter
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Valerie if you lose this fight you deserve the plummet off the side of the hospital you're going to get
FancyShark
Valerie has the iron grip of a librarian
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
You need to have solid graspers, books can be unruly sometimes.
gellaho
The best job you've ever had, huh
gellaho
Let me check how old Valerie is again
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
God damn it Kathryn do a second draft
FancyShark
Now I can't get Hey Jealousy out of my head
gellaho
Oh, a senior in high school
gellaho
Pretty sure it's the only "job" you've ever had
FancyShark
She had a job bagging groceries one summer previous. She won't go back.
gellaho
Although candy striper is a voluntary position, and old person assassin seems more like a freelance thing
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Also thats a weird bar to set when your job includes "Old people murder on the side"
ITs like working for Uber at best.
A Brendan for Christmas
So she's had two jobs?
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Valerie has discovered the joy of being her own boss
FancyShark
Kathryn's making a strong case for killing people for money
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Oh shit we lost Shark
gellaho
Time to sleep
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Makes sense because she does it metaphorically by editing their books.
I feel like if you struggle a little its way harder to sedate you? Like you cant just unload that into a muscle, you have to get it into your arm.
FancyShark
Now she turns into a werewolf like we hoped?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Specifically into your bloodstream.
gellaho
Maggie just turned sixteen
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
The experiment shes talking about is comparative boiling points.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Maggie why are you getting mom-drunk on someone's couch
gellaho
What party are you going to where they're handing out tons of wine to fourteen year olds
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Well
That's actually solid
FancyShark
Probably the same place that let them invite their fuckbois over until 2am
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Kathryn's a private school kid, this all checks out
gellaho
Nap time
gellaho
Fuckboi, nobody wants Paul
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"Get up."
"No."
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Huh it turns out sleeping people are a little hard to move.
FancyShark
Now Valerie frames her for tons of overdue library books
gellaho
Weird time for attempts at comedy
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Valerie stop being so catty about your murder
FancyShark
Val, did you steal the syringe right off a tray or did you wing it on dosage?
gellaho
Oh, you sensed that the elevator shaft would be bad?
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Dosage for sedatives varies from person to person based on height, weight, and age
Unless there was a second Mary Sue in the hospital, this is the wrong dosage
FancyShark
Exactly! So did she try to measure out a dose or did she grab a pre-filled syringe?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Actually yeah you should have given her enough to kill her Valerie, so much for being careful.
FancyShark
Not that the outcome matters
gellaho
Goshdarnit, come on, let me kill you!
Dyosy
It's a good thing the sedative didn't need to be injected into a vein.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Pre-filled, but she couldn't measure out a dosage if she wanted to because she sucks
gellaho
Maggie decides to go for the double suicide
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
But she's on sedatives so this is all happening incredibly slowly
Just inchworming her way across the floor while Valerie watches confused
gellaho
Wheeeeee
FancyShark
hahaha
A Brendan for Christmas
Maggie WHO are you talking to?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Maggie this kind of behavior sort of lends credence to a "No shes lying and on drugs." claim.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Maggie's so high right now
gellaho
What a fun book for the kids
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Yessssss let the dark water claim youuuuuuu
A Brendan for Christmas
May I suggest pairing the cement-dusted machine oil with urine-soaked pavement?
gellaho
It's great when the perspective is of a high person with their eyes closed
FancyShark
A girl muttering "Soon I'll sleep. The sleep of the dead" while dragging you towards certain doom is much more terrifying than "librarian co-ed wants money"
gellaho
Can definitely tell what's going on
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
She's lying on the floor ten feet from the elevator shaft
gellaho
Aw, no death
A Brendan for Christmas
"LET ME DIE, FATHER"
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Someone called the elevator
gellaho
I guess it all worked out
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"Maggie you got moved away from the elevator like ten minutes ago."
gellaho
Anyway, back to sleep for a day
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"Maggie you've been clinging to this McDonald's booth for two hours"
gellaho
You sure are a peach, Maggie
FancyShark
"Ow, my collarbone!"
gellaho
Well, we can't have any non-anonymous old people die
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
foreshadowing
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"Yeah you kept screaming about sleeping for ten thousand years and taking a trip "into the womb of night" but you're still hurt."
gellaho
FancyShark
Hell yeah
gellaho
FUCK YOU, TALK ABOUT IT NOW
A Brendan for Christmas
Valerie did all of Maggie's work for her.
FancyShark
See if you can get Valerie's collarbone as reimbursement
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
We saved her first
gellaho
"She lived?" frown
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"We've decided to give her the harshest punishment we can. Security will escort her out. We're a hospital, not cops."
gellaho
"No, you fuckwit. That's not evidence."
FancyShark
She fell on her confession bone
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Hahahah she gets away with it
Dyosy
I respect the commitment to monologuing
FancyShark
So just to be clear, the entire nightmare thing and Maggie being adopted had no relevance to any of this
gellaho
I also hate when girls do that. Especially ones named Kathryn and/or Nicole
A Brendan for Christmas
Valerie confessed to the judge in a 3-hour affadavit. Valerie introduced herself to the 9th Street Queenz as "Your worst nightmare, a crazy bitch with a syringe. It all began when I was 11 years old..."
FancyShark
"You'll be dead in minutes"
A Brendan for Christmas
(I don't know any Lady Gangs.)
gellaho
Completely unrelated and unnecessary, yes
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Arguably it's the main story
FancyShark
"Ma'am, we don't care. Please turn to the left."
A Brendan for Christmas
I don't care what anyone says, this is Tommy Wiseau's magnum opus
gellaho
She's sixteen, no she doesn't
FancyShark
Emaciated?
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
What a weird thing to say regardless of age
Don't compare people to animals in conversation
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Sixteen is old for a lioness.....
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Please
A Brendan for Christmas
Sounds like someone hasn't bought Warrant's greatest hits yet
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Back on the short bus, Bill
A Brendan for Christmas
Ugh, you're such a Leo.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Legally Bill isn't allowed to leave school without a leash
gellaho
Carl and Francine
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Whomst
FancyShark
Adopted parents
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
So mysterious
I'll figure it out
Good job Nicole
Real page turner
So much suspense
Hanging on every word
5/5 stars
gellaho
LIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPSSSSS
FancyShark
Forget it, Velo. It's Chicago Town
gellaho
"And somebody stole a three year old once"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"JACCUSE FRANCINE! YOU! ARE! A! BABY! THIEF!"
A Brendan for Christmas
We've tested Maggie for Dadgene but instead uncovered an unsettling case of Dumbrain
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
You.....read about?
gellaho
Kathryn going full cartoon here
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Oh right like in newspapers, for a bit I forgot that this is like the 80s and 90s and maybe Carl does that.
A Brendan for Christmas
I'm sorry, does Maggie's Abduct-O-Dad still not know how she ended up in the urgent care ward two days after she was dangling from an elevator shaft in a construction site?
gellaho
Probably not
They don't have their phone number or address because they were moving to Ohio when she jumped out of the car
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Really the only rational thing to DO when you move to Ohio.
gellaho
And it's 1994
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
And they suck
Just in general
Kathryn also sucks
A Brendan for Christmas
Team Valerie, everyone in this universe must die.
gellaho
Are you saying a father that slaps his abducted daughter awake is bad?
Still not sure how the sleep doctor figured this out
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
No that's fine, Maggie deserves that. Carl sucks because he keeps loosing every job ever
gellaho
I'll just be leaving without my daughter then, bye
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Okay but who hasnt wanted to just leave a conversation and their children behind?
gellaho
You must take care of me, angry doctor man
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
You probably should have already called the police
FancyShark
"Just trust me"
A Brendan for Christmas
I love you, Sad Dad. Go to hell, Bad Dad.
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"Kid........my daughter was found dead in a culvert six weeks after. I just dont tell people that because its none of their business."
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"My dreams told me. They said you are my papa."
gellaho
I'm also not sure why' you'd raise this kid with a severe sleepwalkking disorder for 13 years while constantly running from the law from place to place, only to immediately give up at the first resistance
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
They got a few good nights sleep when she was gone and realized they were acting insane
A Brendan for Christmas
Locking myself in a room with two desperate criminals as they lose everything they sold their souls to obtain and letting them know the police are not on their way.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
It's a winning plan
gellaho
"You're great people, baby thieves"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"You only rented me to that trucker for gas money because you had to."
FancyShark
This is how every adopted child thinks it's going to work when they seek out their birth parents
gellaho
"She loves you so much. I mean, I don't. But she does"
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"And you beat me with only the finest extension cords."
gellaho
What, they stand there not saying anything
A Brendan for Christmas
The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime to bring back the maguffin protagonist and get a 15% mortgage, that's just basic detective writing.
gellaho
Still not how sleepwalking works
FancyShark
Angry Doctor is handling this well, meeting the woman who stole his child and drove his wife insane
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
"An empty threat, apparently."
gellaho
She did not recognize herself in those portraits, no. It took her several more clues and psychic visions
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Poor Carl, you dont have good options when your wife comes home and says "I STOLE A BABY!"
gellaho
You're a smart guy, Carl
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
"We'll give her back to you for.......lets say 200 dollars."
FancyShark
"So, McDonalds?"
gellaho
Carl tries an interesting gambit. Dr Hulk does not take it well
FancyShark
Keep antagonizing the distraught father, Carl. This can only end well for you.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Geringer won't beat you to death, Carl, and that's the worse option
He will carefully not beat you to death
gellaho
Carl tries throwing his wife under the bus
gellaho
Which isn't hard, she did steal a baby
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
She does deserve a few tire marks, yeah
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Carl you could have 1) prevented all this and 2) gotten a brand new wife.
gellaho
I think Dr Berman might also be an idiot
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Like "My wife stole a baby." is a "Get out of marriage free" card.
FancyShark
Days?
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Like no fault divorce exists for this, Carl.
FancyShark
My dude, you wait a maximum of minutes before you know it's not going to resolve itself
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
And yes, all women are crazy, Carl. But not all women are "Steal a baby" crazy.
gellaho
You typically don't immediately assume you are related to strangers
gellaho
Oh, no. The baby snatcher is sad
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
At BEST you assume you might be related to the fat dark haired Italian guy in Way of the Dragon because he looks alot like your dad.
gellaho
I think people have done that, Stephamaggie
FancyShark
Might want to collect your stuff before shutting them out completely
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
I mean he is a doctor, he could at least get you a hotel room for a while while he cleans out his guest room.
gellaho
Say hello to Mom/Your Night Terror!
gellaho
She still has to recover from her second broken collar bone, he's got time
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Jesus Doc don't spring this on someone
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Oh right, and also Carl should be grateful, now he doesnt have to pay her hospital bills.
A Brendan for Christmas
Woah, see that temper? That's why we were right to take your child safely out of your reach.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
You deserved to have your baby kidnapped
FancyShark
Lucky the cops took Francine away before the real mom arrived
Not lucky for us, because that bloodbath would have been fun
gellaho
How sweet is this crushing
FancyShark
[crack]
There goes the collarbone again
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Unfortunately her mom also does this to the mailman, throw pillows, and a doll made of twigs.
gellaho
I could feel her love smothering me
A Brendan for Christmas
The alternative is the "dog followed me home" excuse.
gellaho
Oh, wait. Now she's sixteen
gellaho
I could have sworn she said she had her license earlier
The thing about the wine is even more strange
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Oh right Pretty Bath Girl Elly.
A Brendan for Christmas
This chapter shows me love like I've never seen.
gellaho
Weird
A Brendan for Christmas
Asylum Mother has so waited for you, Magephanie.
Or should I call you...Staphie?
gellaho
Wait, Carl trashed the room?
FancyShark
hahaha what
gellaho
He "snuck back?" They were in Ohio
A Brendan for Christmas
Much like an Austen novel, this book ends 100 pages after it finishes.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
What
gellaho
Also, it's snuck
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
This is why two of Kathryn's books take place within ten miles of her office. She is not good at distance.
A Brendan for Christmas
There are many Ohios.
Verified Pervert FlippantSausage
Kathryn really does not give good value for her editing services, I imagine.
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Or writing.
FancyShark
The Ohioverse
gellaho
Maybe see a psychologist there, Stephamaggie
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
God what I would give to see these books adapted to film
Word for word
FancyShark
Mail her a doll hand, Stemaggie
Mail her a different part each year until she can assemble a full baby
Since her womb can't
gellaho
I'm not sure what going to a doctor would do
gellaho
They don't operate as a hivemind
A Brendan for Christmas
Tell her why in the card, Stepagganie.
Imagine Superman finding out he was an Earthman and the Kents were loonies who just wanted a super babyyyyyyy
gellaho
Legitimately gagged on that last sentence
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
Jesus
A Brendan for Christmas
She got a boyfriend AND a dad AND a broken mother!
FancyShark
Guy Scent by Bill
Velo Was A Ghost The Whole Time
That's it I'm tossing a brick
gellaho
A Brendan for Christmas
HEY
That's where I am.
FancyShark
Kneel before Groton
gellaho
Wait, Kathryn had a dog named Katie?