FancyShark
No, that still works
33: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #101: Peak of Danger Franklin W. Dixon
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When you rise to the pinnacle of freedom, you always risk a descent into madness.
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gellaho
"But I wanna go on a date with Caaaarlooosss"
FancyShark
"You're thinking with your little Hardy, Joe"
gellaho
How do you miss that
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
fair
This does seem to be south american indifferent enough to not care Peru was a functioning democracy at that time
FancyShark
To be fair, everyone avoids looking at their fellow passengers on a plane
gellaho
Jesus, Joe is such a dumbass
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"Thankfully there was a blanket over Joe's lap, too."
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is going to be doubly mortified when it's some other guy he tackled in a closed environment and can only say "They looked the same."
FancyShark
"That's the point, Joe"
"Dictators tend to have their thugs look for enemies already on lists"
gellaho
Luckily the police were only in one location in this airport
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
btw, also fun fact. At the time this story takes place the president of Peru was a 2nd generation japanese immigrant named Alberto Fujimori
FancyShark
Cops rely on line of sight. If they don't see you, they can't talk about you
Gentleman Brendan
How was he as a dictator?
gellaho
Who would have guessed that flamboyantly jumping into the luggage return would be suspicious
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
He was a president so kind of shit at it
FancyShark
Too many = An entire airport
gellaho
BUT WHAT DID EQUIPAJES MEAN
Gentleman Brendan
Man, it's true what they say. Japanese-Peruvian guys make terrible dictators. Sorry if anyone's offended, I'm just being real.
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
it means luggage
FancyShark
Joe, trying to get a Doors song going
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is carrying a lot of baggage.
...diesel?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Oh so now they expect us to use context clues
FancyShark
Yeah. They don't make planes like they used to
gellaho
Frank forgot his meds
FancyShark
That iconic waft
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I assume from the baggage carts.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
They're in South America so the assumption is that planes are just work trucks with cardboard wings taped on
FancyShark
Frank took a moment to drink in the sight of the flocks of eagles and finches building their nests in the stoplights. A typical Payumacian sight.
gellaho
The taxi driver had alway wanted to be in an action movie
FancyShark
"You boys have working kidneys, yes?"
gellaho
Oh, thank God
Gentleman Brendan
It had to be explained to the boys that federal laws are still valid if the government is not America.
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
GOD DAMMIT
Gentleman Brendan
I bet there's just an international embassy email chain in 1991 that goes RE: Re: Re: RE: These assholes again (Hardy)
FancyShark
"It is a hard life, but it is also short."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Re: pinche putas "Hardy”
Gentleman Brendan
How many times has the word swarthy been used?
FancyShark
I think none in the book, but one of us had to have used it
gellaho
10/10 detectiving
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The Grey Man gets CC'd on these with the message "Kevin, I thought you said you were taking care of these two."
FancyShark
"Literally the most common symbol in the country, you say?"
Budd Dwyer Thought
this is a series for 7 year olds
I feel bad mocking it too severely
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Nyet, this is the Young Adult series
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
Ahem! 12 year olds
Budd Dwyer Thought
what
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The Casefiles are for teens
gellaho
Fucking radical
Budd Dwyer Thought
goddamnit
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
This is the extreme mature version where the Hardy girlfriends die in a car bomb
Budd Dwyer Thought
wtf
FancyShark
This is the EDGEY series
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The regular Hardy boys is the kids one
Gentleman Brendan
Supernatural is Hardy Boys with demons.
FancyShark
Or a Pit and the Pendulum trap
Budd Dwyer Thought
I know I read the "casefiles" when I was like 6 but I don't remember anything like a carbomb
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's either Hardy Boys with demons or the X-Files with rednecks.
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
Everything thinks I am joking when I say there is one where they get hunted for sport
gellaho
"The dictator is working on his deadly fart gun"
gellaho
I own it
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
sick
FancyShark
That will be a great read
gellaho
gellaho
K
FancyShark
So methane weapons are going to be used after a South American dictator sacrifices his election rival to a fake Incan god?
Gentleman Brendan
I think I read Deathgame in elementary
Gentleman Brendan
You speak true words.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
It makes computers explode at 10 times the normal rate
gellaho
Frank took too long on the phone
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
guys hold up
we need to talk about how fucking stupid this is
The villain has a supersonic fart missile launcher
Budd Dwyer Thought
wow a gun with bullets that reach supersonic speeds
FancyShark
What's stupid about a fart rocket?
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
Its not a fart rocket
gellaho
Joe's gotta be so excited about this date
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
its a fart cannon
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Also, please call him El Jefe , or The Boss
Gentleman Brendan
This crazy bastard is going to drop a methane bomb in Tsotal's asshole.
Javo, how do you say El Jefe in Espanish?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
There's so much methane involved, they might as well be on Mars
Tsotal Recall
Sports Liberation Army Gen. Javo
The jefe
FancyShark
"Do you feel it?"
"What?"
"Hang on, let me undo my zipper"
gellaho
Turns out the electrician is the rebel leader
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
FancyShark
"Yeah, can't complain"
Gentleman Brendan
Was the electrician flying back and forth along with the Hardys?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"Quick, how do Mexicans disguise themselves?”
Ok he's a gardener…no too obvious… I got it! Electrician!
FancyShark
He was!
gellaho
This guy seems like his revolution will go well
Gentleman Brendan
You can actually skip trade school if you apprentice to torturers and log 300 hours with a car battery.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I feel obligated to point out that scramjets are a real thing, and not at all what is being described here.
Gentleman Brendan
hahaha Los Lobos
FancyShark
"Yesterday I came around and said 'Let's start a revolution!'"
Gentleman Brendan
Yo no soy marinero, soy a wolf
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
He's going to launch a revolucion, or revolution
gellaho
How do they disguise themselves Indeed
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahahaha
Gentleman Brendan
This is the same logic that gave us THE SAINT.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
EL MARIACHI
OR, THE MARIACHI
Gentleman Brendan
I love to play guitar and I love to seduce baristas. SOY EL CAPITAN
gellaho
Already sleeping together
Gentleman Brendan
Mother Hardy's plan is unfolding perfectly.
gellaho
THE SLENDER ARE BACK
John
Jesus, only page 75? How much crazier can this book get?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
At 35, she was 15 years older than everyone else involved
FancyShark
Give me my Stupid Terrorist ASSASSIN fix, Dixon
gellaho
"Can I marry your nephew?"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
We call her abuelita, or "dear grandmother”
FancyShark
Joe's thirsty for this whole family
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
gellaho
There's only one black Ice for me, Dixon
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
EL HIELO FALSO
FancyShark
That's not a dwarf. Don't try to fool me, Dixon!
Gentleman Brendan
He is...El Lobo Alfa
gellaho
Joe Hardy everybody
FancyShark
hahahaha
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahahaha
FancyShark
Dudes that just went to the optometrist? EVIL!
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
We don't like your tipo around these parts
gellaho
Time for human sacrifices, baby!
FancyShark
They then drive back to explain that "adios" means "goodbye"
gellaho
Interesante
FancyShark
Of all the times for a danger boner
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
No Frank, it's not time for jackin' it!
gellaho
Aw
dr
I'm not like a lockpicking expert or anything but hahahaha no
gellaho
Joe tries taunting at the language barrier
FancyShark
But what if the handcuffs have comically huge locks?
dr
Unless they're plastic children's handcuffs maybe
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I just realized they introduced the new creepier van only to leave it at home when they went to another country.
Gentleman Brendan
Micola is a very hands-on dictator
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
You dare use the baloncesto , or ball, needle for lock picking?
Gentleman Brendan
The Hardys are getting their asses handed to them this outing.
gellaho
Frank has practiced every martial art
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
I hope you all appreciate how deep I'm digging into the high school Spanish well for this bit
FancyShark
Judo chop!
gellaho
Kinky
Gentleman Brendan
15%% odds this revolucion is deterred when a soccer match airs and both sides quit their hostilities.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha franks danger boner comes into play now I assume
FancyShark
"Like what I told you to do to me, Carlos!"
gellaho
This ghost writer needs a cold shower
FancyShark
"Also, the erotic wounds where her jaw and eyebrows should have been"
gellaho
Carlos has been healed by jumping off a moving vehicle
FancyShark
"Ey can valk!"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Carlos never recovered his full range of motion in that arm.
gellaho
The fuck is this interaction
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
"Tengo los brazos de acero!”
FancyShark
Broads: They love their jewelry!
John
I do appreciate the reminder of how pretty she is. Since this is from Joe's perspective, I assume this means that's his first thought every time he looks at a woman.
gellaho
"The old and ancient way of cardboard"
FancyShark
"They eat dirt and suck moisture from each other's tears."
John
Jesus, that would be super racist for the 1920s.
Gentleman Brendan
Joe Hardy, surviving brother, 2013: I remember Marta Capac, She was older, with copper brown skin, a broad forehead and intelligent eyes. She made a man out of me.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Marta isn't showing a lot of solidarity with her people. Not a great look.
gellaho
I wonder why Carlos isn't nervous around women
gellaho
She's a great teacher, though
FancyShark
"Ew. Poors."
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Or, pobres
gellaho
Time to wait for the bus. Excitement!
FancyShark
"Everybody strip"
gellaho
Joe's trying to make Carlos jealous
FancyShark
When he said throne, he gestured to his face
gellaho
Better than the pile of grass he actually made
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
He's trying to set up a via de trés
That ones a stretch, I have no idea how to say threesome in Spanish
gellaho
Talking to a bus driver? So brave
FancyShark
I'm sure a beautiful woman in a super corrupt and militant country being unused to someone treating her with courtesy isn't a sign of something inappropriate for a kid's book
Gentleman Brendan
Shut it down, we've got our winner.
gellaho
What are you getting at, ghostwriter?
FancyShark
She's smart to not anger him
Gentleman Brendan
Franklin had an erotic novel due at the same time and thought he could write two books with shared scenes and find/replace all the names
gellaho
This is weird
gellaho
I don't like this
FancyShark
The erotic novel has several scenes of exploding computers
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The male lead suffers repeated head injuries.
FancyShark
Every bus has its own goat. Maricopa fulfills his promises!
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
The goat, or tom brady remained tied up
gellaho
So the issue is not that the election is fixed, but that they want a strong armed dictator?
Gentleman Brendan
With all the suave assurance of a college freshman, Joe turned to Marta and gestured at the goat: "looks like at least one person here is horny."
gellaho
Are you working on your democracy 101 homework? Why is this happening
FancyShark
"I call my brother a coward. He seems to like it."
Bus polls are a beloved pasttime on Payuanac
gellaho
I. Don't. Like. This.
gellaho
I don't like :joe: chatting up this woman. It's weird
FancyShark
"Eighteen hours? That's just enough time for a full round of RISK"
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
He's just looking for some comida
gellaho
Wouldn't you have felt that?
FancyShark
Aftershocks don't reach the Hardy's brains for a while
gellaho
As a Floridian, I'm no earthquake expert. But I feel like they'd feel the biggest earthquake in memory in this small South American country
Gentleman Brendan
Frankly, I'm sold on the Capac sisters and don't blame Joe one bit.
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
He knew about it because the car was tsotaled
FancyShark
The entire island is a couple city blocks. The bus driver just wants to leer at the aunt some more
gellaho
There it is
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Tia linda is in trouble
gellaho
These idiots can sleep in any situation
FancyShark
Stucco: It's Glass, Right?
gellaho
I think they're being helped by a human frog
gellaho
Convenient
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Wait he translated to them from the English she was already speaking?
FancyShark
I want this lady to break bad news to everybody
"Your surgery. So amazing! So advanced! You will die by sunset."
gellaho
The Llama store
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha
HOME OF THE LLAMAS
FancyShark
"THERE'S LLAMAS HERE?!"
lol, swooped
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Get rekt
FancyShark
Is the rest of the book a makeshift Canterbury Tales as they get more passengers?
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Next up on the bus: La Esposa del Baño
Shit I think the federales came for gellaho
gellaho
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Hahaha Tierra de morrir
gellaho
It's Los espiritos
FancyShark
🎵 The wheel on the bus goes bye-bye-off🎵
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
RIP goat
He's become one with the Death Land now
FancyShark
If goat breaks, turn to page 34 of manual
Dial the emergency number on that page
Be sure you have the goat's serial number ready
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Vaya con Dios, goat
gellaho
Lol
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
Lol
FancyShark
hahahaha, jesus
che jakesy, sports revolutionary
As the bus careened off the cliff, joe knew he wouldn't be hurt by the thousand foot fall
FancyShark
The driver and old lady are all over the interior, but at least Joe's okay
gellaho
It's like titanic
FancyShark
"My heart will go on, Joe"
"I'M FINE. MY HEAD'S NOT HURT"
gellaho
Death
FancyShark
So glad no one has any spinal injuries from the THOUSAND FOOT DROP
gellaho
This woman is trying to take him down
FancyShark
Do it, Marta
gellaho
RIP
FancyShark
He died as he lived, driving a bus. Wait, piranhas?!
gellaho
Sure, sure
FancyShark
Really makes you think
Anyway, Marta, you should probably tear up your dress to make bandages or something
gellaho
Perfect time for a murder
FancyShark
Frank found a new fetish that day
gellaho
Joe chooses hos over bros
FancyShark
Yes, Frank. That's why you're going to keep an eye on her.
No other reason
gellaho
Seems legit
FancyShark
The child pulls a shotgun and demands to know who the fuck is trespassing on her property
gellaho
Byyyyeeee!
FancyShark
"Eat shit, motherfuckahs!"
gellaho
But where did she go? And why? And where?
FancyShark
"We pulled her from the bus wreckage. Why would she not stay with us?"
gellaho
Weird phrasing, bud
John
Not a good sign that after seeing the word "Joe" my brain interpreted "ranchhouse" as "rapehouse." Not sure if that's a bigger indictment of Joe, the writer, or myself.
Who am I kidding? This is definitely a me problem.
FancyShark
I mean, it's a definite possibility with Joe
John
You give me a benefit of the doubt I'm not entirely sure I've earned
Budd Dwyer Thought
a llama horked up a big wad of half-digested plant matter into my face just last week
smelled like actual shit
and that fucker was aiming right for my eye, I was lucky I was wearing glasses
gellaho
Volcano!
FancyShark
"Serpentine, llama! Serpentine!"
Budd Dwyer Thought
wow incredible coincidence that the volcano exploded
only a few pages after it was first mentioned
gellaho
Frank: explosives expert
FancyShark
Maybe a fart cannon?
gellaho
Maybe stop the murder before satisfying your curiosity, Frank
FancyShark
I hope the cause is Godzilla, just to fuck with the readers
gellaho
I know this is a fake ethnicity, but this is still weird
gellaho
He's still human
FancyShark
"Scraping his elongated ears against the ground, drinking in the vibrations of the earth"
gellaho
FART CANNON
