FancyShark
Every both of the agents
35: The Hardy Boys Casefiles #100: True Thriller Franklin W. Dixon
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When you''re wired for action, you'd better be ready for the sparks to fly!
Archive
Gentleman Brendan
Maybe the Assassins are winning because The Network needs better project management software.
FancyShark
The Assassins are being handed a victory on a silver platter. I can't wait to see how bad they fuck this up
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
They have a window to escape while the network scheduled meetings that could have been emails.
gellaho
The foolproof plan is to go back to the house. Then make their girlfriends pretend to be them, so they can leave the house
FancyShark
Just like Callies 1-14
gellaho
They went back to the house for... reasons
FancyShark
Joe will require Vanessa to dress as him every night from now on
gellaho
Can't believe that didn't work
FancyShark
Joe: Master of Stealth
gellaho
Frank knew these slobs couldn't possibly be with the government
FancyShark
No facial hair in the supersecret government agency
gellaho
Frank: karate
Joe: shoving
FancyShark
Remember: when you have a gun, charge the enemy
gellaho
Joe's go to is "peepholes"
gellaho
I guess I know what Joe gets up to
FancyShark
"Joe, there aren't any holes in the-"
"Peepholes in your bedroom door and the bathroom door!"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
'Why does this one have a camera in it, Joe?"
Gentleman Brendan
The only explanation is these two boys have hacked the Matrix and it's all catching up to them.
FancyShark
"Uh...it's a...bullet!"
gellaho
The Gray Man has brought along his Groucho glasses
FancyShark
Every one of those geese is an agent in disguise
gellaho
Approaching Jagged Steele territory
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"feeding geese, grey man? You could at least try to be less of a spy stereotype."
FancyShark
"You boys can keep your mouths shut, right?"
"National secrets and all that"
gellaho
I like how they are constantly harassed in their small town, but the federal government can't stop them from flying
Gentleman Brendan
Starting to think the Network may be right to suspect the Gray Man
FancyShark
Hey readers! Think you can break into the US Nuclear Arsenal faster than the Hardys?
gellaho
"We have to karate several people to get to the park, but easily get to the airport and to Denver"
FancyShark
Write to us telling how you'd do it!
gellaho
Maybe Joe is a ninja turtle
FancyShark
I'm so glad the US has a nuclear stockpile that's protected by a single fence
Gentleman Brendan
The Hardys are idiot patsys meant to distract and befuddle what really happened.
gellaho
God, Joe is such an asshole
Gentleman Brendan
Are they ordering a pizza at the pizzeria?
FancyShark
"LEAVE US ALONE, JOE! THERE ARE OTHER PIZZA PARLORS!"
Joe's still more polite than some rental car customers
Gentleman Brendan
well if they landed at JFK yesterday, there's no way the Assassins have made it past Floral Park yet.
In the '90s? Bumper to bumper, and the E's always under construction.
gellaho
Frank thinks getting the phone number for a rental car agency is worth a flight to Denver
FancyShark
Who would lock a door at a nuke storage facility?
gellaho
Joe gets his favorite thing! Explosives!
FancyShark
Was the last tenant Wile E. Coyote?
Gentleman Brendan
You mean computers?
gellaho
It explodes uneventfully. I guess the ASSASSINS really didn't want anyone finding that phone number
Gentleman Brendan
Why do the Assassins need nukes when they could just put three of Joe's girlfriends in a van for the same blast yield?
gellaho
Jesus, what a couple of assholes
FancyShark
I guess the Gray Man is paying for their flights
Gentleman Brendan
The laws don't apply to us because we are on a mission from Gray.
Behold, we will be forgiven for our transgressions in paradise.
Gray is plainly radicalizing these two idiot, angry incels
FancyShark
What Frank just did is why everyone that ever rents a car has to wait several hours
Gentleman Brendan
Osama Bin Lawman over here
gellaho
All of that, to find out they rented a black sedan
gellaho
Which we already knew
FancyShark
Wasteful Spending, awaaaaay!
Gentleman Brendan
Well it shouldn't be hard to find every livery car in NYC.
Oh wait, they're going to LI.
it...has 9000 people
FancyShark
I'm sure they'll look for more information to narrow down their search
gellaho
Who would have guessed they'd be staying in one of Bayport's many, many abandoned properties
FancyShark
They wouldn't be stupid enough to take that bit of info and just start looking--
goddammit
gellaho
A great relationship
FancyShark
Vanessa knows Joe's issues and sticks with him?
Gentleman Brendan
Vanessa, you're not getting it: the Hardys are dispensible. You--you've got a FUTURE!
FancyShark
She's a saint
gellaho
Science is hard
Gentleman Brendan
The number of women in college who don't realize how often they're apologizing for their dumb, angry boyfriend...
"Joe's not usually like this. He's really sweet, he's just got a temper. He only punched that guy in a ghost costume once and he felt really bad."
FancyShark
"What about those shrapnel scars on your-"
"I fell"
Gentleman Brendan
It was my fault, I got into a van while we were dating.
gellaho
How will this be resolved
FancyShark
A "trained" killer
gellaho
A familiar voice, huh
FancyShark
Please be Chet
gellaho
I thought I'd bring my competition bow and arrow... for some reason
FancyShark
"Oh, it's Vanessa"
Joe continues punching
gellaho
"THE 5G GAVE 'EM COVID, I TELLS YA!"
gellaho
Time for the cover
FancyShark
And we're sure all of the Assassins are in that one house?
John
We need someone with no experience and no equipment to work with live high-voltage lines. Vanessa, get up there.
gellaho
Your girly arms couldn't possibly accomplish this task
FancyShark
Because with a composite bow it totally matters how strong the archer is
Budd Dwyer Thought
vanessa you dumb bitch
Gentleman Brendan
Wait, didn't you call this earlier?
Where was Vanessa on 1/6?
gellaho
"Frank did not know what would happen, even though he already explained what would happen"
FancyShark
"Myrtle, there's some brats shooting arrows at the power lines across the street"
John
"Hello 911, yes I don't know if I'm reporting a crime or the world's stupidest prank. Anyway, 3 kids are dead."
Gentleman Brendan
And that's why they should have been insulated.
gellaho
Well, they got the dumbass writer
gellaho
Oops
Gentleman Brendan
In the neo-natal ward, three infants on life support expired so that Joe could play hero instead of calling the base to warn them.
Dozens of seniors perished without A/C.
FancyShark
"Wait, boys. Leave me tied up. I think we can make this work."
Gentleman Brendan
Pizza parlors everywhere had to send their teen/spook alliances home with free pizza and ice cream.
John
How could they have known this inconspicuous windowless van was ours.
It has a mural on the side.
That could have belonged to any Hardy Boys Detective Agency!
gellaho
And one rented black sedan
Gentleman Brendan
They must have an inside man. How else could they know NARDY BOYZ DETECTIVES was actuall Hardy Boys Investigations?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Joe fights a window unit.
FancyShark
A child plugging in his home-made radio was blasted to ash
Gentleman Brendan
Electricity is magical in Hardyville
gellaho
The superagent did not think about the van they had left the keys in
Gentleman Brendan
It can hack a computer with a virus that makes it explode, it can propel an A/C unit
FancyShark
Gray Man, what do you even bring to this operation?
Besides inevitable betrayal
gellaho
Richards is a dumbass
Gentleman Brendan
He's written to be a dumbass, just not the kind of dumbass he is.
It's not his fault the terrorists are so derivative and pat.
FancyShark
Half the terrorists in the country? They have census numbers?
Gentleman Brendan
Everyone with a vagina is the enemy, Fancy.
And the Chads they spread for FUCK DAD CLOSE THE DOOOOOOOR
gellaho
Richards has decided to go into deep debt for this
FancyShark
That was the closest they ever got to finding out about Richards' human trafficking ring
Gentleman Brendan
Joe, who once garroted a sentry in San Columbador, can't believe you can purchase a used vehicle same day.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Frank is at least clever enough to stop Joe from asking about the smell coming from the trunk
gellaho
The GTO: known for being cheap
FancyShark
This argument feels real
Joe represents the mechanic that made the writer cry
gellaho
OK, Richards has straight up lost his mind
FancyShark
Richards is clearly white
gellaho
They're fucking wanted for treason
I don't think that applies
Gentleman Brendan
Richards is the first guy to explain why that cop who shot a guy in the back was an exceptional case
hE tHOuGHt hE wAs BeiNg lED iNTo a tRAP.
FancyShark
He has some nitpicked crime stats bookmarked
Gentleman Brendan
So if I'm following this
GM had Richards arrested for aping reality
Then the Network arrested GM for trying to cover up their conspiracy
gellaho
I can't believe the writer couldn't pull this off
Gentleman Brendan
But lost Richards to the assassins
And now the apple dumpling gang here is reunited
So here's what Richards should do.
FancyShark
"Tell them everything"? I'm sure cops will be real receptive to "international terrorists want to steal nukes with the help of a writer"
Gentleman Brendan
You don't want to ram a barricade high-speed. About 30 mph
keep backing up so you don't total the guts
and hit the trunk to pivot the cop car
gellaho
Meet Mr. Henkels
Gentleman Brendan
The Gray Man has a Gray Man
...they know about this?
gellaho
You'd never guess it, but he's slender
FancyShark
GASP
Gentleman Brendan
Being fat makes you stupid in this town.
FancyShark
Sorry, Chet
gellaho
Prophetic
FancyShark
Unlike actual authorities, who negotiate all the time
gellaho
What you want to do is annoy the kidnappers
FancyShark
Sick burn by the kidnapper
John
"Give us what we want or we kill our only leverage" is a bold threat that always works somehow.
gellaho
The kidnappers want to gleam the cube first
Gentleman Brendan
...you're not even going to call the van to see the situation, triangulate a signal?
gellaho
No joke, there has been a black, yellow, brown, and gray sedan in this book
Gentleman Brendan
They filmed part of gleaming the cube at the dead mall in my town, and now it's the thriving mall, and NOBODY had money on that one surviving the others.
There was zero reason to do this. No other filming took place nearby.
FancyShark
Who wants to bet their plan involves Joe tackling a man with a gun?
Gentleman Brendan
it was just...california....connecticut dead mall.
so do they call him The Gray Man to his face, or is he just Gary?
FancyShark
He insists on "The G Man", but no one calls him that
gellaho
The Gray Man is like "fuck national security, let's save this one girl"
FancyShark
Richards, how do you have any input in this?
Gentleman Brendan
Who knows? I might even not have America's worst secrets tortured out of me.
gellaho
Because he has a car, apparently
FancyShark
How many testicles can they shock, anyway?
Gentleman Brendan
What are the odds Gray man was the real JFK shooter?
FancyShark
The Network needs a company car
Gentleman Brendan
The Network doesn't...wh...
FancyShark
Cardboard box, man. I'm telling you.
gellaho
Marvel as they perform basic car maintenance
Gentleman Brendan
all i know is SOMEONE is going to die of electrocution and archery
FancyShark
A crack in the water hose? TERRORISM!
Gentleman Brendan
A spook, a creep, and two incels, and NONE of them carries duct tape?
gellaho
You'll never guess it, but they fixed the hose
Gentleman Brendan
This entire book is kidnappers getting kidnapped.
John
The first draft must have been 3 pages too short
Gentleman Brendan
They ookie-cookied it.
Just a big ol' hose sealant circle jerk
gellaho
Fuck you, Joe!
Gentleman Brendan
YEsSSSSssS
We all knew this was coming
FancyShark
Joe is now fully erect
Gentleman Brendan
and now, so can we.
gellaho
I love that they assume she was in there without any proof
gellaho
They just showed up in the woods and their van exploded
Gentleman Brendan
"Still," Frank grinned at his brother, "Life. Y'gotta laugh, right?"
FancyShark
Those darn Assassins!
Gentleman Brendan
joe's gonna be that freshman who doesn't talk to everyone, but somehow they all still know he lost TWO girlfriends in vansplosions.
John
"If you think about it, it's actually kinda funny."
Gentleman Brendan
She's alive, but can you imagine?
TWO
gellaho
Double twist
Gentleman Brendan
By the time you're 30 you should have a five-figure retirement fund and two young loves exploded before your eyes in a car bomb.
FancyShark
Joe would be the only person called "Van Guy" that had a dark backstory without serving time
gellaho
Bob: Deadly assassin
Gentleman Brendan
"Who you are is kind of important because it sounds like you're a friend?"
FancyShark
Hi, Bob
Gentleman Brendan
Your girlfriend can still be blown up, Joe. It's happened before.
Bob Blofeld, architect of all your pain.
FancyShark
He has a white cat plushie
gellaho
Well, I gotta find this book
FancyShark
YEEESSSS
Gentleman Brendan
Does Bob have an Aussie accent, or a Vietnamese one?
FancyShark
Boston
Gentleman Brendan
joe I blew up ya fahkkin cah to wahn ya about ya girlfriend.
FancyShark
Ya crahss me, ah'll kick ya ass wicked bad
Gentleman Brendan
Don't impede my plans, Joe, also I think the Bruins are goin' all the way this yeah
FancyShark
Ahlsa, fuck Derek Jetah
Gentleman Brendan
I am a Red Sox fan, and believe me, we are the WORST
problematic fox Djonin
What's going on, I heard my uncle's voice coming from Book Dorks
Gentleman Brendan
Each victory only makes new england sports more toxic
gellaho
Is there Mexican water in New York
problematic fox Djonin
No, but there's Puerto Rican water there.
FancyShark
GASP
The Assassins are breaking into the Vitamin Water racket!
Gentleman Brendan
Those sons of bitches are going to rename the Jackie Onassis Reservoir!
gellaho
I think there's probably nuclear waste closer to New York than Denver
FancyShark
But the Hudson is so pristine!
Gentleman Brendan
Bahb from Bahston heah, I put the ya-RAIN-yum in the wahta
problematic fox Djonin
Presumably Three Mile Island.
Gentleman Brendan
yankees ssuuuuuuuuck plutonium tritium
gellaho
"But my girlfriend"
FancyShark
You'd think the Network would know about this
Gentleman Brendan
...so several security breaches at their minimum security POISON WATER storage
Gentleman Brendan
Those fools were too focused on which vans were kidnapping women
Alert The Network in Newark about New York
gellaho
Vanessa knows an awful lot about where she's being kept
gellaho
I think she's in on it
FancyShark
Hahaha, even thoughts have to explode to register with Joe
Gentleman Brendan
okay, at this point, someone needs to call the authorities.
All Joe's thoughts are explosive.
FancyShark
Don't you get it?! The authorities can't stop this! Only- wait, yeah, call the authorities
New York has enough problems without owing its survival to Joe Hardy
gellaho
They've gone up to a airplane hangar near the reservoirs
FancyShark
The Assassin Known as Bob
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Good name for a band.
FancyShark
Cargo door...? They're not on a commercial airliner?
gellaho
The ASSASSINS are finally going to win for once, goddammit
Gentleman Brendan
Thanks to Bob we're gonna wind up with President Dole
Bob's jovial laugh would have been way more disturbing.
HO HO HO! Very soon you'll SEE, my dear! as his belly shook
gellaho
Richards is very smart
FancyShark
Richards, you are walking collateral
gellaho
More explody
FancyShark
Also, you all have lymphoma
gellaho
I wonder where he got that Swiss army knife
FancyShark
Swiss army knives are very affordable and make a great gift
gellaho
FRANK HAS ENTERED HIS MIND PALACE
FancyShark
boom
gellaho
Really seems like the time for this
FancyShark
Fuck you, Dixon. I'm not changing my joke.
gellaho
Time for some slapstick
FancyShark
Dammit, Richards
Next he steps in a bucket and gets a pie to the face
gellaho
PROTECTING THEIR PRECIOUS PLUTONIUM
FancyShark
No, it's not genius. Just a stroke
gellaho
I feel like you could ask for more
FancyShark
Back in the 80's, ten million was worth, like, twenty million today
Gentleman Brendan
Oliver Richards, to be played by Tom Arnold.
gellaho
I am not clear on what Bob's endgame is
gellaho
The assassins are supposed to be mercenaries
FancyShark
Keep talking, Bob. Tell us every stupid facet of this doomed plan
Gentleman Brendan
Bob, how many times are we going to do this?
Gentleman Brendan
Really underpricing their protection racket.
gellaho
This only works if you don't show Frank deactivating the bombs
Gentleman Brendan
This is a one-off, don't amortize the payout.
FancyShark
They lack confidence in their own worth after all their Hardy-caused failures
Hold the fuck on
gellaho
Time Warp Nightmare
Gentleman Brendan
the Hardy's superpower is plot armor. Bob's is not caring if he lives in a Hardy-centric world
FancyShark
They won't stoop so low as to poison New York after they tried to destroy the world?
gellaho
don't worry about it
the hydrogen bomb thing is way in the past, man
think about the present
FancyShark
duuuude
gellaho
Joe realized a split second before the terrorist. But, ignore that. Vanessa's got it
Gentleman Brendan
The Assassins don't really assassinate anybody. They're more of a cynical anarchy outfit.
COBRA would actually oppose them.
FancyShark
COBRA would call their plans "poorly orchestrated"
Gentleman Brendan
I would absolutely forbid my daughter from seeing that Hardy boy after this.
Bob is out colder than a Bahstan cahffin
gellaho
Take out the word "flying" and this would be just as accurate
FancyShark
@gellaho wins
gellaho
also the word "about," but ignore that
Gentleman Brendan
Joe is losing info with every explosion/concussion.
Frank can hack the mainframe and disarm a bomb.
Joe is Kalibak before he's had his coffee.
gellaho
I don't think this is how it works at all
gellaho
I don't think you need a strongman to operate a plane
FancyShark
Richards is loving this
gellaho
Do airplanes abide by "test your strength" machine rules?
FancyShark
"That's right, Joe. Yank that yoke"
Gentleman Brendan
Stronger than gravity: a brother's love
gellaho
Joe: shitty to the end
