gellaho
Keith be creepin
49: Case 79 No Laughing Matter Carolyn Keene
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Hear the one about the crooked comedy club? Nancy has...and it's no joke.
Archive
Gentleman Brendan
Nobody knows what's funny better than 20-year-old sorority sisters.
FancyShark
"A fur bu-"
"I have mace"
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
author knew exactly what they were doing with naming him Keith
gellaho
If you were wondering, Nancy also gets beat unconscious
gellaho
Equal opportunity
FancyShark
The end
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Damn, she got Hardyed.
John
As she fell to the floor, Nancy realized she hadn't felt so close to Ned since her last concussion.
gellaho
Crisis averted
FancyShark
"I see the shapes he sees..."
gellaho
gasp
FancyShark
FUCK!
John
"Quick, put her in the closet and then do nothing else to trap her.
Gentleman Brendan
I begin to suspect Joe takes all the beatings so Frank can remain The Smart One.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I think a missing book is the least of your worries, Nancy.
gellaho
"Well, she could knock me out. But, drag me into a closet? Nah"
FancyShark
Blood's pooling on the brain. Better find a book.
Gentleman Brendan
Bob Saget, Boy Detective.
John
This is the kind of dark joke I couldn't make land. Bravo.
gellaho
"WHAT'S THAT BUZZING SOUND?"
FancyShark
"Hey, Nancy, you're head's totally bleeding! Anyway, take these shots to table five"
gellaho
Giving the first-timer accounting duties and giving away business info? Smart
FancyShark
The IRS doesn't even have to try to audit this place
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"oh, by the way, I was assaulted and have head trauma"
gellaho
Oof, Rusty. Tough go
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy Fugue.
Nancy Drew Blood.
Nancy Drughaghogaoaewlfahtunafishhat
gellaho
Boyfriends and girlfriends on that last name-basis
Gentleman Brendan
So like...what was Dan's plan if Nancy's boyfriend's class HADN'T come to the prison?
FancyShark
"Feed me, woman"
Gentleman Brendan
I assume this is opportunistic because she has a rep.
gellaho
THEY MUST FEED
Gentleman Brendan
Was he just waiting for someone to come along?
Or does he know all the hot teens?
FancyShark
He'd send an anonymous letter to the Hardys
Signed "Not Suspicious"
gellaho
"I don't remember yesterday, I wonder why that is"
FancyShark
"How many times did they beat you unconscious?"
"No more than usual."
gellaho
Flawless plan
Gentleman Brendan
Does a computer explode in this one, or not, because girls don't understand how to use them?
FancyShark
"Is this Nancy Drew? Oh my god, you're famous!"
Gentleman Brendan
"Fantorelli--hmm, Italian, and thus easily fooled."
"Ey, Bianca, dat youse? Why-a you sound-a like you a-gotta paper onnada face?"
Oh shit, I need to get back to Arthur Avenue.
gellaho
I can't believe you didn't find anything about this at the library, weird
Gentleman Brendan
It's been two years!
Spector did it.
Spector is behind everything.
It is I, the architect of all your pain, Nancy.
FancyShark
Ned's sad because the pop-up books didn't have bibliographies
gellaho
This is maybe the dumbest way to get caught I've seen
gellaho
Just leave the gloves, Nancy
Gentleman Brendan
"VERY good, Ned," cooed Nancy, feeding him a 'nilla wafer and smoothing his hair.
FancyShark
"Very good, Ned. Tomorrow we'll work on spelling."
lol, dammit, scooped
Gentleman Brendan
'93 was basically the year heated ass-seats debuted.
gellaho
I'M NOT SUSPICIOUS
FancyShark
"But normally you put your head down"
Gentleman Brendan
FUCK YEAH
Stakeout head
FancyShark
"Peapod, Ned"
gellaho
Flawless
FancyShark
Just to be safe, they set demo charges at all the structural weaknesses
Gentleman Brendan
A network of computers was plugged in at each support column.
gellaho
Hey, man, you want some playin' cards? They're fresh
gellaho
Then she leaves
FancyShark
"You want a child slave? Those we sell on site."
gellaho
No! Way!
FancyShark
Get the fuck out
gellaho
Cards and chips!? The brigands!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
We're dealing with some scary people here.
FancyShark
If this keeps up, someone might ASK HER TO LEAVE
gellaho
Tit-glasses
FancyShark
Stern or stern, book?
gellaho
The Hardys would never reject a snack, for shame
FancyShark
"More lutefisk-mallo for me," she said with a shrug
Gentleman Brendan
Why is everyone in this book an implied smokeshow?
FancyShark
Dunno, but I don't know how we can go back
Gentleman Brendan
is it me? Am I the horny one? Or is it the author?
FancyShark
You are not alone
gellaho
"I'll prove that bitch got a fake vacation, if it's the last thing I do"
Gentleman Brendan
Either is fine, I just can't tell. It's like when you look at your own hand through a telescope
gellaho
Except Peter Sands, the sweaty accountant
FancyShark
He's the ballast
Gentleman Brendan
And the hateful view of the old Jewish man.
gellaho
This book hates Peter Sands
Gentleman Brendan
What if Peter Sands is Jewish, too? What if this is some exclusive country club shit?
FancyShark
"Huh, weird. Peter doesn't own a Geo."
gellaho
Whoa, what
gellaho
They're swinging now
FancyShark
Ned is who Chet is in our hearts
gellaho
You know that episode of South Park where the Hardy Boys are sexually excited by clues?
FancyShark
Yeah?
gellaho
Nancy actually has that
FancyShark
Holy shit
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
It's not even subtle.
FancyShark
It does explain why she's so eager to solve crimes
Gentleman Brendan
DIDN'T I SAY
Ned Nickerson: Hedonist
gellaho
Are you helping my brother get out of prison? How dare you
Gentleman Brendan
Everyone has that one ex who was kinda out of their league who didn't know it yet from HS or college.
Ned is just sauntering through his.
FancyShark
Bless him
gellaho
"I know he might have put him in prison, but I need that sweaty accountant dick"
FancyShark
"He's got the musk"
Gentleman Brendan
Peter's dickgame must be strong indeed.
gellaho
This gesture doesn't really match what she's saying
FancyShark
It's code for their foreplay
gellaho
@che jakesy, sports revolutionary are ladies really into accountants?
Gentleman Brendan
My sister married an accountant. Honestly, he's so cool I couldn't blame her even if he put me in prison.
gellaho
Smooth
FancyShark
He rehearsed that alibi for hours
Gentleman Brendan
Accountants party HARD.
gellaho
There is somehow more lunch in this than the Hardys
FancyShark
The Hardys graze. Nancy takes actual time to eat
gellaho
"See, I told you I'd prove that bitch got a fake vacation"
FancyShark
But what if they only paid for the bad part of Hawaii?
gellaho
Kids love accounting
FancyShark
Golly, it sure is convenient the book explained money laundering at the start
gellaho
MUUUUUUUUSSSTTTTT EEAAAAAAAT
FancyShark
Bess has spent this whole time going all Bill Hicks on the idiots at the club
gellaho
Somebody's getting off on this
FancyShark
"Pay attention, Ned"
gellaho
"Forty year olds hate rock music and juice! It's 1993!"
gellaho
How is this the most dated book I've read
Gentleman Brendan
That is actually odd.
Either they're scouting a unicorn or they just really like the band.
gellaho
Exclamation points indicate excitement!
FancyShark
Nancy goes back to the bar and finally notices the door marked "CAGE FIGHT ARENA - STAY OUT"
FancyShark
"LET'S FUCK 'EM UP!"
gellaho
"Hey, it's the guy I saw right before I got incapacitated. I wonder if it's related?"
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy slid back the action on her HK-MP5. It was time for justice.
gellaho
gasp green felt!? How dare they!
gellaho
Only the most dangerous criminals deal in green felt!
Gentleman Brendan
or pool
oh card squares, carry on.
FancyShark
"Ned, get the piano wire, the pliers, and the bottle opener. Momma's gonna work out some tension."
gellaho
Those damned billiard addicts
"That is, until my bill gets through congress. Then those degenerates won't be able to move those devious felt tables"
gellaho
"DAMN YOU FELT!"
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy's world is going to crumble when she finds out her dad has a monthly game for <$200 with friends.
gellaho
Red head?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
If she enjoyed the feelings she got discovering a clue, wait until she takes her first life.
gellaho
gellaho
Redhead?
Gentleman Brendan
They said reddish blonde
gellaho
I'm not seeing it
Gentleman Brendan
Which I guess is strawberry blonde? Even though strawberries are blood-red and ginger is sorta beige-blonde?
I think we're overlooking the important fact: Ned stopped eating
FancyShark
Nancy noticed. She knows he needs more training
gellaho
I'm going to shove her face in that fake vacation
FancyShark
She's black, Ned. Don't be an asshole.
gellaho
Jesus, Carla, you're talking to teens
gellaho
Get a backbone
FancyShark
Was Carla the stern lady? Because this is shattering that image
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
I have to assume Nancy's terrifying reputation makes everyone cave so easily.
gellaho
Jesus, Carla, you are the cheapest bribe
gellaho
"I couldn't afford a vacation this year so I sent that guy to prison"
FancyShark
That must have been a hell of a timeshare presentation
gellaho
"That's right, bitch, you had a fake vacation"
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Carla has no idea how close to death she just was.
FancyShark
"Aloha!"
"OH GOD, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"
gellaho
Hmmm, let's see what this is about
FancyShark
Nancy signals to Ned to put the chain and dental tools back in the trunk
gellaho
Keith creepin
gellaho
Pounding, get it Nancy?
FancyShark
Good music does pound
FancyShark
"I still have mace."
gellaho
It took all her experience to come up with this conclusion
FancyShark
If Keith had knocked her out, waking up in a closet would not be the outcome I'd expect
Gentleman Brendan
What if we're not being speculative and the author really was like, "Well...the kids won't know, but I'll add a subplot about the allure of an older man..."?
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Keith sounds like the kind of guy who does knockouts Cosby style.
gellaho
Are you trying to tell me Carolyn Keene might not be a woman!?
This would ruin my theme!
Gentleman Brendan
Are you trying to tell me women don't ever ponder an older man?
Because honestly, all the younger ones I've dated have been more mature than all the cougars.
gellaho
Anyway, Ned calls the criminal comedy club and just gives up information
Gentleman Brendan
Ned, you fuckin' fuck, you don't break chain of command.
FancyShark
Dammit, Ned
gellaho
Goddammit, Ned
FancyShark
He thinks if he gives information he gets food
Gentleman Brendan
This is the kind of thing that gets you beaten with a baseball bat in a scorcese film
gellaho
This author loves the exclamation
Can't resist the call of the shift+1
Day 2: Nancy continues to run the comedy business books
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy Drew: So famous, prisoners know her on sight, but their coworkers do not.
FancyShark
Nancy probably lost her shit when unboxing videos started
gellaho
It's almost like this is a red herring
FancyShark
Nancy ignores the "REAL DOLL" label on the box
gellaho
Nancy, just pay the $10
gellaho
I know you can afford it
Gentleman Brendan
Definitely a surprise party.
wait
Okay the CLUB should be the Over the Rainbow.
gellaho
THAT GODDAMNED ROCK MUSIC!
gellaho
It's not like that would have been popular for the 40 year olds in 1993
FancyShark
"Damn rock music with the hula hoops and the crystal methadone!"
gellaho
It's not like there was a lot of rock music when they were teens in the 60s
And whoever heard of Rock n Roll in the 70s!?
I love that this author imagines people dressing up to go to illegal gambling establishments
Gentleman Brendan
Nancy is going to investigate some real petty crime and accidentally bust open the Studio 54 of Bayport.
gellaho
I'd better put on my tux to go to the slot machines on top of the dance club
FancyShark
Sits down next to a chain smoker in grey sweats
Gentleman Brendan
If a vice cop covers it, it's not immoral, just sketchy.
gellaho
This is not how this works
Gentleman Brendan
Vice crime is just shit that ought to be regulated rather than outlawed.
gellaho
"Nancy was teleported to Vegas in the 50s"
FancyShark
Who ever heard of a comedian working in a casino
gellaho
Exclamation point! Keith! Exclamation point!
FancyShark
Meanwhile, Keith is wondering which organs he can sell to cover his debts
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Keith is getting hustled, they're just building up his confidence.
John
I see the problem. Nancy believed Ned when he told her potato chips and poker chips are the same thing, they just magically become valuable in a casino.
gellaho
I'M NOT A NARC, HA HA
Gentleman Brendan
Women are British, and thus prone to excitable internal monologues.
Okay, now she's stalking Keith on a date. This is turning into Labyrinth.
"Keith was taking the woman home! But she wasn't his wife!"
gellaho
Keith! Exclamation point!
Gentleman Brendan
Smooth moves, Kappa phi.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
"But...that's a sin!"
Keith is swearing he's good for the money, he just needs another week.
gellaho
Pay attention, Nancy
FancyShark
No one's been here in a long time. It must be where they went!
gellaho
gasp, don't ruin the sketch, Nancy!
gellaho
gellaho
And yes, there is somehow a staircase from the illegal gambling den to the stage of the comedy club
you should have expected that
Gentleman Brendan
Old speakeasy.
FancyShark
Still funnier than Gallagher
Gentleman Brendan
Most of Nancy's crimesolving is literally bumping around blind in the dark.
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Wait are we sure this doesn't take place in the 30s?
gellaho
"Nancy felt like a deer in the headlights of a car, in the lights of the stage"
FancyShark
FaaaAAAAceeesssss
Gentleman Brendan
"And me, the au pair!" improvised Nancy.
gellaho
She felt like it was getting hot. So fucking hot
FancyShark
Then, gunfire
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Nancy could benefit from a few improv classes.
Gentleman Brendan
Audiences love British characters because they're so excitable.
gellaho
Immediate next sentence:
gellaho
Almost had some tension there, thank God
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
You were fantastic, the way you froze in terror and then ran away.
FancyShark
The awkward silence was masterful!
gellaho
"Johnny, you own the place."
FancyShark
"Damn comedians! Should execute the lot of them!"
"Uh...Johnny?"
gellaho
You know, arranging napkins
FancyShark
And the audience just cleared out?
gellaho
You know comedy clubs, keeping formal place settings
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
Nancy just seems to come and go from this job. Does she have to punch in or anything?
gellaho
Exclamation point!
FancyShark
Yes, drawers are usually hollow
gellaho
"Hey kids, experience all the excitement of Microsoft Excel!"
gellaho
Don't you bring logic into this
Nancy's got the eye of the tiger
FancyShark
"Should we use our actual initials?"
"Of course. Don't want to falsify any paperwork."
gellaho
FEAR THE TEEN
FancyShark
"You better start talking, Bianca, or I might lose my temper."
gellaho
FancyShark
"Awful lot of knives for a surprise party"
gellaho
Who would believe that a party store would sell poker supplies?
Who's ever heard of large groups of people getting together to play card games at a party?
FancyShark
Parties are for salads
gellaho
Who would ever associate the name Spector with crime?
gellaho
Fucking top notch code
gellaho
Keith's creeping on Bess now
John
"How long do I have to back off? What, exactly, am I backing off of? If I do what you say, and you return her, can I then back on? Your plan seems hasty."
FancyShark
"You know what? Ned can keep you."
gellaho
THE JUDGE!
Shark Puke Fetishist GDC
The judge is what she calls her tire iron.
gellaho
"Well, OK. I'm sure he won't hurt her if we do something"
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
wow, who could have guessed a guy named Keith O'Brien was an unhinged weirdo
you might as well have named him Stabby McWhiteSupremacist
FancyShark
Nancy, you've been on enough cases to know that hostage-takers always say don't call the cops
You know who's equipped to deal with this? The cops
gellaho
"Not even toast can raise my spirits"
FancyShark
Then another blow to the back of the head
Ferroday, Summer Variant (SSR)
either that or the hot chocolate is poisoned
gellaho
"Ugh, why do I have to wait!?"
FancyShark
"Now I have to wait and not set up a trap!"
gellaho
What, why would they clear up the evidence! That's so mean!
FancyShark
Despair from the evidence going missing, not from a friend being in mortal danger
gellaho
Solid evidence there, bud
FancyShark
And look, it even has a full confession signed by all the culprits etched into it!