sensitive New Age jakesy
62 minutes to STEELE
11: Molten Steele J.D. Masters (Simon Hawke)
#8 Steele
Tags:
Terminatrix
Archive
gellaho
gellaho
gellaho
Here's the preview
That preview is why I thought she was also a cyborg. Also because Hunter keeps calling her "Lady Terminator" and "Terminatrix"
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
gellaho
Djonin Foxman
His shirt should say "human dick"
gellaho
Heathcliff is too pure for that
Fatamatician: The Ro'eh of Peter
The Birds
gellaho
It is time.
Old Man Brendan
I am ready to die. Let's Steele ourselves.
gellaho
Starting off with two deadmeats getting murdered
We already have: lips, fat guy, and a simile
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lipless mouth! Shots fired at JD!
gellaho
I forgot how painful these are
sensitive New Age jakesy
Stuck like an aneurysm is such a clunky metaphor too
Old Man Brendan
Hands fluttering like birds is the least dignified way to die in a series about an unkillable cyborg that died of battery failure after watching a coyote chew on his dick.
gellaho
He's introduced like four more guards. Based on last time, they won't matter. However, one of them somehow had an art show
That got published in a magazine
Hunter also made sure you knew all their ethnicities
Old Man Brendan
New Age Avant Garde Ceramic Art sounds like a whole bunch of hippies find learning to be, like, too RIGID, man.
gellaho
I knew better than pay attention to the deadmeats
gellaho
There's the naked lady ninja
Old Man Brendan
Seems like it would be faster to don nonreflective clothes
gellaho
Seriously, are these similes supposed to be jokes?
Old Man Brendan
Nothing sexier than a Vanta black pipe-cleaner with a sword.
gellaho
why pre-1965 silver dimes, why silver, why not just say "dimes?"
even then, it doesn't make any sense
sensitive New Age jakesy
Did Dennis Miller write this?
DeusExNonSequitur
It doesn't make sense today, and then you realize this is set 150 years in the future. And then it makes even less sense.
Old Man Brendan
They just RANG different, Gen X wouldn't understand.
sensitive New Age jakesy
She laughed like Mariah Carey singing hallelujah at the oingo boingo, babe
gellaho
This is ridiculous
DeusExNonSequitur
While we're making fun of his similes, I want to go back to "slim as a wand," a phrase that's never been used before and is extremely unhelpful. Is it supposed to be literal? Or just really thin? If so, why not use slim as a rail, or something so the reader knows what the hell you're talking about.
gellaho
This simile rate is untenable
sensitive New Age jakesy
How about the deadly dry hump in the middle of all that though?
Old Man Brendan
All stairs were destroyed in the Bio-Wars. Only wands remain as pleasurebot attachments.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Ground her bare muscular ass against his crotch
gellaho
It's only page 10, holy hell
Old Man Brendan
Isn't this the second time this lady has won a fight with a lapdance that stuns her male opponent?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahaha
His dick got hard. Such good writing
Old Man Brendan
Please don't kill me, it would stain my band merch in this volcanic dystopia.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Hahahaha
Old Man Brendan
At least he died doing what he loved: begging a naked woman not to hurt him.
sensitive New Age jakesy
“I know she’s actively killing me but fuck she’s hot!”
gellaho
Wtf is this
DeusExNonSequitur
I guess we can assume her nipples aren't human.
Bike Dancin' Greg
Right after we spend all that time writing bits about authors paying the same attention to dongs that they do for tits
sensitive New Age jakesy
Au contrere , what we have here are some Real Human Tits
gellaho
Aikido!
gellaho
I think that's four books in a row
DeusExNonSequitur
It makes no sense, first they could be felt through several layers of clothing, then they're explicitly called small.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Apparently they’re just really really hard nips
gellaho
Fucking Xenia Onatopp called, she said to tone it down
sensitive New Age jakesy
The cops on the scene later are going to wonder why all these dead guys had boners
DeusExNonSequitur
She grunted. His neck snapped. A+ writing. Jesus.
Old Man Brendan
What an embarrassing way to admit you're a virgin to the titillations of spree homicide.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I also love the implication that these guys like haven’t seen a boob in 12 years that they’re instantly hard
gellaho
Old Man Brendan
is it still necrophilia if the last gasp of oxygen is passively exiting their technically dead corpse? (Unrelated to the book, I mean)
gellaho
So, this turns into straight up pornography after this
sensitive New Age jakesy
I...huh?
DeusExNonSequitur
Is he really calling it cammie instead of camo, or am I missing something?
gellaho
She leaves him alive and fucks him
sensitive New Age jakesy
Can Victor will his dick to get smaller and his balls to retract? Is that a thing?
gellaho
Not comfortable with how the prologue ends after the graphic sex scene
sensitive New Age jakesy
Yikes
Dr Matt Gaetz reporting for duty
gellaho
Meanwhile, Steele shaves!
Old Man Brendan
...seriously?
DeusExNonSequitur
Read uncharitably, you could interpret this as Steele shaving with his back to the mirror. Which is kinda funny to me.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also how many guinea pigs has Hunter stepped on?
gellaho
Murder makes her horny
sensitive New Age jakesy
Looking back through at the simile barrage
Old Man Brendan
he got his flesh back?
Old Man Brendan
*rapey
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
Fuckin Jilly
Lorem Ipsum Cerril
REFLESHED
gellaho
At the very end of the last book, they gave him vat-skin
They let Houska stay there? After he tried to blow Steele up with a rocket launcher.
gellaho
That's how it works, sure
DeusExNonSequitur
After 2 apocalypses, it's nice that they have the important things, like a sociologist in charge of arts and crafts.
sensitive New Age jakesy
I still can’t get over Apocalypse 2
Definitely needed a second one to spice things up
gellaho
SL Hunter has one talent: writing the most hateable characters
gellaho
There are 2000 people at this university in New Mexico
Even though there was a volcanic eruption twice the strength of all the nukes
Old Man Brendan
I forgot it happened, I thought he was going to flesh up in this one.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Also the university is full of pussy libruls and I feel like Hunter is trying to make a statement somehow
gellaho
Babe
sensitive New Age jakesy
Hahahaha yes
DeusExNonSequitur
I dunno, he's so subtle it can be hard to tell sometimes.
gellaho
This takes place in the 2100s
sensitive New Age jakesy
His wiki specifically calls out his libertarianism so it’s not surprising but also he’s being a little bitch about it
Old Man Brendan
They are pussy librul totalitarian mob collectivists. Like the avalanche, they are individually snowflakes, but DEADLY to the man who strides this world with thunderous steps.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I just popped and boy is steele going downhill huh?
Old Man Brendan
Downhill implies no effort. This...this is gonna be a slog.
gellaho
SL Hunter is one of the worst writers I've ever read. God rest his soul
sensitive New Age jakesy
Like look Steele was always this kind of macho male fantasy but Hunter is making it weird
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is he dead?
gellaho
This is somehow more poorly edited too
Old Man Brendan
Some say he died of extreme manlines.
gellaho
I believe Victor Milan is dead
Old Man Brendan
...history?
sensitive New Age jakesy
Luckily snowplows are made of STEELE
gellaho
I've seen "claque" instead of "clique," now "Ten-shut"
Jcantrell, hater of things
Hey man, editors are sjws
Old Man Brendan
Koffee-clitsch
DeusExNonSequitur
He also insists on spelling areola wrong.
Which is a word that has somehow come up more than once in his 2 books.
Old Man Brendan
"What exactly are "sin-rings," Victor?
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
that chapter intro reads like the intro to a Soul Calibur match
"stepping onto the Stage of History"
gellaho
Major General Whiteman, a black man
gellaho
sensitive New Age jakesy
lol I don’t know why soft black hand is so funny to me
Ferroday, Hack Fraud ScapeApe
fuckin Kojima characters
Old Man Brendan
Unmistakably.
DeusExNonSequitur
but does he speak with the voice of doom?
gellaho
In terms of future technology, military saran wrap might be the dumbest
sensitive New Age jakesy
Now The Hand of Doom, that’s what I demand
Old Man Brendan
It's like Large Adult Son, it's so unremarkable as to be notable.
What year did all the wars send society to shit?
Jcantrell, hater of things
Best part of any book is describing the tech specs of all the weapons and vehicles
Old Man Brendan
Photovoltaic Dick Floss
Jcantrell, hater of things
White man moisturizes
gellaho
I guess the military is going to try to take control of Albuquerque
Jcantrell, hater of things
Maybe it's to differentiate from his hard black hand?
gellaho
Late 20th century. Remember when that happened in the 90s?
Old Man Brendan
Wait, the miracle is you electrify it to make vibrations? That's the opposite of everything in reality it resembles.
Jcantrell, hater of things
"were actually cool out here, not having the us government around is pretty legit"
gellaho
Right now Albuquerque is ruled by 5 council members/warlords that are constantly fighting and the Crips
sensitive New Age jakesy
Mr Skin
gellaho
So I don't know if that's actually true
Mr. Skin seems ok, but those council members suck ass
Jcantrell, hater of things
I missed a lot tbh
But us invasion feels like a lateral move
sensitive New Age jakesy
They hang out in a gym that they have to lease from the Crips
gellaho
The army is working with the lady with the murder boner, so probably not better actually
sensitive New Age jakesy
If there’s one thing I know about Crips, an organization built to last 200 years after the apocalypse, it’s that their lease clauses are airtight
Old Man Brendan
I love that Mr. Skin, the unofficial sixth member, has exactly as much political clout as a priggish university wanna-be Mao.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Wait her name is misericordia?
Fucking why?
Old Man Brendan
Yup.
Because she spreads discord and Misery.
She's Elektra but for bodypaint.
Oh oh wait
She's Elektra + Typhoid Mary
gellaho
There's a sniper, and she helps in the horniest way possible.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Apparently it's latin for mercy
Which, is hunter being cute?
gellaho
I wonder if Donelson is the bad guy
sensitive New Age jakesy
I also love that Miseri is so hot that absolutely nobody can focus on the fact she’s killing everyone
gellaho
Solved at a Hardy Boys-esque speed
DeusExNonSequitur
This guy writes about sex and violence like a 3-year-old. "He looked at her butt and then his peepee felt funny and then she punched the man and he died."
sensitive New Age jakesy
That exact line might be in this book
Old Man Brendan
"Interfering bitch" is a pretty good summary of Hunter's foray into Steele.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I love how consistently steele isn't in these
Like both hawke and milan could not be assed to write about our main character
Old Man Brendan
Lady Bastard just asked how Steele was doing and I had no answer.
"Well who's the protagonist in this one?"
"Uh...Misericordia?"
Jcantrell, hater of things
Is steele human again?
He cut himself shaving
DeusExNonSequitur
To be fair, the new guy basically just invented Steele, but with tits and probably just forgot about OG Steele.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I missed a lot
Old Man Brendan
Yeah, but he's still an endoskeleton
He lost all his nysteel invulnerability.
gellaho
He also still has his robo-eyes and brain
Jcantrell, hater of things
Donovan steele is a cyborg with a human cock but somehow still profoundly boring
Old Man Brendan
but the core is still good. No word on whether running a 2-minute mile will shred his goddamn feet off.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The status of his human penis is up in the air I think
DeusExNonSequitur
To put on his special gun hands, does he have to rip his flesh?
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean they refleshed him so I'm assuming they didn't skip the dick
Old Man Brendan
Also, his flshes is baby years old, so he has no muscle memory but what the matrix can give him.
Dr. Mithras
Just an exhausted fantasy that can't carry a series
gellaho
Steele has gone into the council chamber in a Traxx-esque disguise as Peter Murphy. You know what name you aren't allowed to use in your RoboCop rip-off? Murphy.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Maybe he's just got a smooth mound now
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol at another Dennis Miller bit
Old Man Brendan
As played by Peter Weller.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Can milan go more than a paragraph without objectifying a woman?
Old Man Brendan
Mighty Bazongas is the worst euphemism I've heard for breasts all week, and last night I watched She's All That, where Paul Walker calls them bobos.
DeusExNonSequitur
Thank god the news media made it through the second end of the world. Do you think we'll get another TV anchor contract dispute?
gellaho
"The swellest kid gang since the Khmer Rouge"
gellaho
Good point
Jcantrell, hater of things
I mean, if the authors aren't going to care about the setting I'm certainly not going to
sensitive New Age jakesy
Lol my god
gellaho
Yes, but he can't go a paragraph without using a simile
Old Man Brendan
Don't make me defend the Crips, because the Crips are no Khmer Rouge.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
Downtown ABQ? that must have been a fight
Downtown is like. where all the city is
Old Man Brendan
The Crips are the product of genocide, not the arbiters.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
all the gov't buildings are in Downtown
it's like a 5x5-block chunk of an actual city, surrounded by 20 miles of 1-story whitewashed shacks
Old Man Brendan
ABQ is the only city I've ever visited without a downtown, and I've been to Columbus.
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
Downtown ABQ is the city
the rest is small towns, stitched together like blanket squares
gellaho
This is a lot
Jcantrell, hater of things
Do you imagine for one moment milan has ever even bothered to look up albuquerque?
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
of course not!
but i find that funny
because of all the cities where the downtown could be lost to crimes
he picked the one where all the government is kept in the downtown
Dr. Mithras
I always fall asleep at the end of these. I feel like I missed some deep politiking.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Are we ignoring the paragraph just posted? Because there's a lot to unpack there
sensitive New Age jakesy
But also somehow Milan throws in more rape than Masters! How is that possible?
Old Man Brendan
I stayed on the edge of town, literally two doors down from the arroyo. It was surreal. Every street was named Dream/Star/Comet/gazer/Catcher Lane, and there were a few homes erupting beyond the edge of contiguous civilization.
Jcantrell, hater of things
she disaproves strongly of sex under any circumstances fucking what?
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
sounds like Rio Rancho to me :disdain:
Dr. Mithras
You heard right. Any.
gellaho
We aren't there yet
Jcantrell, hater of things
Like what does that mean?
What about babies?
Old Man Brendan
He acknowledges that was rape, at least.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Sex is how reproduce
Not even then?
gellaho
So the army is invading. People are concerned about a landfill in the double-apocalypse
Dr. Mithras
Surprised me
Jcantrell, hater of things
He does seem weirdly into that though
Dr. Mithras
What's happening
gellaho
And this is happening because the assassination failed?
Old Man Brendan
I wouldn't call the libruls "people"
Jcantrell, hater of things
So like, this guy is a professional writer
Old Man Brendan
You don't choose the pen name Masters without at least a little consensual non-consent.
Jcantrell, hater of things
He gets paid to do this
sensitive New Age jakesy
Is this whole book just going to be Milan commenting on libruls caring about the environment when , heh, we should be allowed to do whatever we want on our own land!?
Old Man Brendan
I say this as a professional writer: the bar is lower than you'd ever bet money on.
Dr. Mithras
I dont understand. Is the military blowing away litterers or protesters
gellaho
This is how people talk
Jcantrell, hater of things
Protesters I think
Old Man Brendan
I'm hardcore, but not like, snub a dwarf hardcore.
gellaho
Boy, this is irritating
Jcantrell, hater of things
Wait who are the good guys, because the novel seems to hate the pussy snowflake sjws but also the military isn't coming off in a good light
Old Man Brendan
Crowe is the one likable character, though.
sensitive New Age jakesy
The good guy is the Lone Wolf, Steele, the one and only true person
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
NOBODY IS GOOD
ALL IS VANITY
HUMANITY IS STORED IN THE BALLS
gellaho
This guy thought valley girl was timeless
Dr. Mithras
As sharp as the probe on a scanning tunneling microscope and as devious as Satan.
sensitive New Age jakesy
He’s now Milan’s self insert fighting against the government and the libruls! Valiantly striving for freedom
Jcantrell, hater of things
See I'm usually all for writing without a regard to overall morality or who's good it bad, but the characters have to be compelling right?
Old Man Brendan
I think we all know whatever humanity exists surfs on progesterone.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Otherwise it's a bunch of shitty people being boring and shitty
Dr. W. Sanguine, PhD PhD
:hrtea:
Old Man Brendan
Exactly why I quit the sopranos.
gellaho
Chocolate tofu
Dr. Mithras
New agers, growing vegetables badly. As you would expect.
Old Man Brendan
I'm gonna give him his due: that's an actual character observation.
Dr. Mithras
Was that a cunnilingus joke?
Old Man Brendan
Chocolate tofu? Lord, I hope not.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Yeah, hippies don't know how to cook or grow food. We all know this
gellaho
The army is bombing the university
Old Man Brendan
If New Agers can't make good veggies, it's all on the Italians' shoulders now.
Dr. Mithras
Demons?
Old Man Brendan
Some say you can see Ice in the flames, if you look...and dream.
Dr. Mithras
BRING BACK HAWKE!
Jcantrell, hater of things
Love when authors invent a group of people then write about much they hate them
Old Man Brendan
He's been human for 48 hours and already has a scar.
Jcantrell, hater of things
God damn when hawke is the best option the situation is dire
gellaho
Listen, if you're going to be this much of a perv, then you need to tell me about Steele's dick
sensitive New Age jakesy
This is totally just Milan ranting about people he hates in real life, thinly veiled
gellaho
I don't care about his muscles
Dr. Mithras
Fucking environmentalists in a post nuclear volcanic Armageddon. Just being totally right.
Jcantrell, hater of things
Yeah but, like it's a bunch of stereotypes that don't exist in real life
Old Man Brendan
I've been enough of a fan to know how infuriating this would be if you cared about the original concept.
Jcantrell, hater of things
It's annoying
sensitive New Age jakesy
Oh yeah it’s all in his head
He imagines every liberal to be a whiny hippie who wants to take his freedoms
Dr. Mithras
Aarghghf hippies!
Old Man Brendan
"Donovan Steele is a battle-scarred cop in a strangely functional New York with the weapons of a one-man army and a bulletproof dick. WHAT IS THIS."
Dr. Mithras
Freedom hating....hippies?
gellaho
This is so painful to read
Jcantrell, hater of things
This book is like reading a post from r/gamers or a ben shapiro video
Old Man Brendan
Whiteman vs. Honesty is going to be a pitched battle, I tells ya.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Serious Crimes Unit
gellaho
It's been like, zero minutes since this started. How are there protests
Dr. Mithras
Major resume there.
Old Man Brendan
Nevada's been cut off from the rest of America for 50 years, but also has a state championship for karate.
sensitive New Age jakesy
Libruls being pussies, they had already planned the protests just to PISS ME OFF
gellaho
There weren't even protests in New York, where all the major governing bodies were
WTF
Jcantrell, hater of things
Counter to the stupid bullshit crimes department
Dr. Mithras
Won by a serious crimes lieutenant who is also a two tour special forces operative. The author is either a dickhead or writing a fraudster in as a character.
Jcantrell, hater of things
I feel like I hated simon hawke so much reading the other books, and I still do, but I wish he was still the writer